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A Taste of Plums | Astarion x Female!Tav

Chapter 8: Fight

Summary: Secrets are revealed. Not everyone is pleased.

Rating: PG; Warnings: None

Read on AO3. Chapter 7. Read from the beginning.

At first light, Lae’Zel scouts smoke off to the west. Judging by the plumes there must be a big encampment close by, perhaps just beyond the ridge. Goblins. The Druid, and hopefully the answers they seek, are within reach.

Gale ladles scoops of a hodge-podge breakfast scramble onto the chipped plates they’ve scavenged. It looks appetizing enough, so Astarion impulsively grabs a plate. He no longer needs to eat but sometimes he tries. It always tastes like ash. The only thing that tastes good to him now is rich, fresh blood. Everyone eats in uneasy silence while Tav finishes dressing in her tent.

“So, Gale,” Karlach begins. “When were you going to tell us that you need magical items as part of a well-balanced diet?”

Gale visibly balks. “That’s none of your business!” He splutters. “Were you spying on me?” Gale demands, leveling an accusatory glare at the group.

“Your tent lit up like a purple beacon. It was less spying and more observing,” Shadowheart lies.

“That’s still no excuse to invade my privacy!” Gale reiterates.

“So you’re not even going to try to deny your insatiable lust for magical trinkets?” Astarion teases.

“I wouldn’t call it an ‘insatiable lust,’ per se,” Gale counters, ever the pedant. “It’s more like a….king, paying tribute to avoid invasion by a powerful neighbor,” he explains.

“What does that even mean?” Karlach asks.

“It means that my condition is serious and should be given proper care and respect,” Gale says loftily.

“You can’t make analogies like that and then expect us to not have questions,” Shadowheart presses.

“It’s a rather personal matter that I would have preferred be kept quiet, but it seems the proverbial tressym is out of the bag,” Gale concedes, deflating a little.

“So how does a wizard become literally addicted to magic?” Wyll asks.

“That is a tale for another time,” Gale answers evasively. “But until then, I just ask that you keep an eye out for any magical equipment that you might discover in our travels. And if there is anything that you can share, I would deeply appreciate it. My condition is not to be-“

“We’ll part with what we can spare. But we are keeping the valuable spoils,” Lae’Zel announces on everyone’s behalf.

“You may want to reconsider that. As I was saying, my condition is volatile at best. I fear that if I do not absorb another item soon, then something bad may happen.”

“Is that a threat?” Astarion starts.

“It’s not a threat. It is unfortunately a consequence,” Gale answers ominously.

“No one is being threatened,” Tav interjects quickly, stumbling over to their huddle. Her hair is still mussed from sleep, her leathers still unbuckled. She looks like she dressed in a hurry. “And no one is going hungry. We still have time to get another item. And now that we all know about Gale’s condition, we can all keep an eye out for one.” She scans the group for any dissent. Astarion openly scowls but does not voice any complaints.

“But he can’t keep giving us sinister explanations and expect us to drop the matter!” Shadowheart complains.

“I thought you of all people, Shadowheart, would have understood the need for privacy and discretion,” Gale says coldly.

“My secrets are my own. They concern me and my life, they don’t threaten anyone else, unlike what you have implied!” Shadowheart accuses.

“So you assume. You can’t remember what they are, can you?” Gale shoots back.

“My memories are-"

“We all have some secrets and that’s ok,” Tav interrupts forcefully. “We can tell each other when the time is right. But until then, we need to respect-"

“Only cowards cannot admit to their deeds,” Lae’Zel cuts in. Shadowheart’s frown deepens and Gale crosses his arms, obviously hurt. Even Wyll shifts uncomfortably.

“Lae’Zel, that is not a fair thing to say,” Tav says.

“But it is the truth,” Lae’Zel counters. “And it’s time you admitted your own secrets.”

“What are you talking about?” Tav demands, her irritation finally showing.

“Kaincha! You used the illithid connection!” Lae’Zel accuses. “We all felt it. You used it to commune with Astarion!”

Astarion freezes. “And what exactly did you feel?” He asks. It’s bad enough that Tav felt how weak and vulnerable he was. He would be mortified if the rest of the group felt it too.

“Not a lot, honestly,” Shadowheart says. “We felt a disturbance, but it was hard to determine what it was.”

“Given our circumstances, there was only one thing it could be,” Gale says derisively.

“You all felt that?” Tav presses. She gestures to Wyll, Karlach, and Lae’Zel.

“Just a little touch. Enough to feel that you were using the tadpole, but not enough to feel what you were doing with it,” Wyll confirms. Karlach looks between them pointedly.

“So. What were you doing with it?” She asks.

“It doesn’t matter!” Lae’Zell exclaims. “These parasites are not to be indulged! The more you use them, the more susceptible you become to their influence. They are to be resisted at all costs, lest you become ghaik!” She narrows her eyes, looking between Tav and Astarion. “There’s nothing that could be so important that it warrants using these abominations.”

“Not even winning in battle?” Tav remarks.

“Especially winning in battle,” Lae’Zel returns haughtily. “If you could not have won on your own, then you should have fallen.”

Tav scoffs loudly, rolling her eyes. Astarion laughs contemptuously.

“What care I for honor,“ Astarion jeers. “If this tadpole gives us an edge, then-“

“It is an edge that you will cut yourself on!” Lae’Zel vehemently asserts. “Your recklessness puts us all in danger. If you give in to the tadpole, you will become ghaik.” She rests her hands upon the hilt of her sword, already strapped to her side. “And if you become ghaik, I will not hesitate to end you.”

“No one is ending anyone,” Tav authoritatively commands. Her words are firm, but Astarion notices that she is making a placating gesture with her hands.

“That remains to be seen,” Lae’Zel threatens.

“Well, then it’s lucky we do not intend to transform,” Astarion parries.

“K'chakhi,” Lae’Zel spits. “These parasites do not care what you intend. They will take until you are no more than a mindless thrall.” Astarion’s lip curls. What does Lae’Zel know of being a thrall.

“She’s right, you two,” Wyll seconds. “These things in our heads are not to be trusted, as tempting as they may be. We don’t need to use these disgusting worms. We already have quite the talented team already.” Wyll shoots them all a valiant, conciliatory smile, but it is met with angry glares.

“Besides, you didn’t exactly use them in battle,” Shadowheart reveals.

“No you did not,” Gale agrees. “You used them to have a private conversation of some kind.”

“It was a necessary private conversation,” Tav insists.

“And frankly it was none of your business anyway,” Astarion sniffs.

“It becomes my business when your secret drags us all into battle,” Gale counters.

“And I shared my secret once the situation had been dealt with,” Astarion smiles thinly. “Such a change from yesterday. I thought we were a team, Gale. So much for supportive friends.”

“I do support you, Astarion, and I’d stand beside you again. But that doesn’t mean that I will tolerate anymore secrets.”

“How about this,” Astarion considers. “I’ll tell you all my sordid little secrets, when you do the bloody same!”

“Alright everyone, let’s take a break,” Tav slowly steps between them. “No one is entitled to anything. We share things when we’re ready and when we feel comfor-“

“Oh, because I was so comfortable yesterday?” Astarion yells. Tav closes her mouth. “I confess to you all that I was a slave to a sadistic vampire lord for two hundred years, and no one else can spare me the same godsdamn honesty?” He glares at Gale and Shadowheart in particular, but is quick to round on the rest too. “And don’t you three play dumb. You weren’t there, but I’m sure you heard all about it.” No one contradicts his suspicion that the camp had been gossiping about him.

“I’m sorry that it happened like that,” Tav says. “You should have had a choice. You should have been able to tell us when you were ready.”

A bolt of rage rips through him, loosening his tongue.

“I’m using the tadpoles,” he declares. “And I don’t care what any of you say. A power freely given is a power freely gained.”

“It’s not freely given. These awful things come with a steep cost,” Shadowheart insists firmly.

“I agree. I do not fancy becoming a Mindflayer, nor do I want to see anyone else become one either,” Karlach adds. She looks Astarion in the eye and he feels a flash of guilt, which he instinctively wrestles down.

“We should at least wait until we know more about them,” Gale offers. “I’m all for a little experimentation, but we need to find out more before we accidentally hurt ourselves irreparably.”

“What you propose is lunacy!” Lae’Zel exclaims. “There is no experimentation. There is no way forward that does not end in your deaths! The only way forward is purification, which can only be achieved at a Githyanki crèche!” Lae’Zel is positively fuming now. “How many times must I repeat myself. And how many more times must I be ignored!”

“And how do we know that we won’t be slaughtered the moment we arrive at your crèche?” Shadowheart asks nastily.

“I have already told you that I will vouch for you as my servants,” Lae’Zel answers shortly.

“How kind of you,” Shadowheart shoots back.

“It is. You would do well to appreciate it.”

“You don’t use our names. You don't even like us! How can we trust you to do what you say?”

“I offer you a cure but you are upset that I refer to you as istik?” Lae’Zel mocks. “You think like an istik. You act like an istik. You are an istik.”

“Ok, we don’t have to all agree, but we do have to be polite to each other,” Tav interrupts. “I won’t tell you what to do with your own bodies. If you don’t want to use the tadpoles then that is fine. If you do want to use the tadpoles then that is fine by me too. Astarion and I want to use them, so that’s what’s happening.”

“After all my warnings. You would still listen to the words of your lover over words of reason.” Lae’Zel says disbelievingly. She regards them both with a deep disdain, pointing to Astarion. “That one will lead you down the road to ruin. And you will follow like a lovesick fool.”

“Aren’t you green with envy,” Astarion says snidely.

Lae’Zel swears in Githyanki and draws her sword with a slick scream of metal. Everyone else immediately follows suit. The campsite hums with magic, the air glints with blades. All of them had come to breakfast armed to the teeth.

“If you turn on one of us, you turn on all of us,” Tav warns, magic crackling at her fingertips. Lae’Zel is formidable, but she’s outnumbered. She sheathes her sword with another swear. Everyone else slowly lowers their weapons.

“This leniency is madness. You are all fools for tolerating this,” she speaks directly to Wyll, Karlach, Gale, and even Shadowheart. She turns to Tav. “And I will not stand aside as your foolishness puts us all in danger. I will not watch as you succumb to the parasite. I am leaving, as I should have done a week ago.” Lae’Zel storms towards her tent, leaving her unfinished breakfast to cool where she left it.

“I won’t stop you, but I wish you’d stay,” Tav calls after her.

“As if you could stop me,” Lae’Zel spits. She doesn’t turn around.

“Then safe travels, Lae’Zel. I hope you find your crèche,” Tav says. Lae’Zel chks and begins packing up her things.

“I told you she would abandon us,” Shadowheart says loudly to Tav. “You were wrong to trust a Githyanki. I’m just glad we all still have our heads.”

“Finish getting ready, everyone,” Tav orders, ignoring Shadowheart. “Today we infiltrate the goblin camp and we’ll need all our wits about us.” Tav quickly retreats, returning to her interrupted morning ablutions. Astarion feels a tug at his mind.

Are these things really worth it? Tav sends to him. He can feel her doubt, embarrassment, anger, betrayal. All the emotions she is trying not to show right now.

Absolutely, my sweet, Astarion sends back. They have to be.

He wonders if she can feel anything from him.

I’m sorry she said that to you. A warmth creeps into the connection. He touches it for a moment, just out of curiosity. Is she trying to comfort him? He recoils quickly in shame.

I’m fine, darling. Lae’Zel’s bark is nothing compared to her bite.

He is used to others looking down upon him, he is used to others disparaging his thoughts and ideas. Of course it stings. But he’s alive and that’s what really matters.

A dark flower unfurls itself inside of him as he realizes that Tav had powerfully advocated for his interests, exactly like he had wanted. It begins to wither when he realizes that it came at the cost of Lae’Zel, who had made it very clear that she doesn’t think he is good enough for Tav.

He can’t say he completely disagrees with her. But this is what he has to do. Tav is a free woman. She made her choice. No one here is innocent.

He plans to thoroughly reward Tav tonight.

With the terrifying efficiency of a career soldier, Lae’Zel is soon gone. Wyll sighs as he watches her disappear over the ridge. “I can’t say I blame her, given her people’s history with Mindflayers,” he says. “But I don’t want our group to keep dwindling. Let’s all promise to do a better job of taking care of each other in the future.”

Astarion shoves another ashen forkful of egg into his mouth.

Notes:

Kaincha: An expression of dismay or regret

K'chakhi: Idiot

#permanent reblog!!!!!#literally if you love astarion you will love this fic. OP understands him so beautifully #fic recs #astarion #astarion x tav #astarion fanfic

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