rrelationshipadvice

[rrelationshipadvice]

Me and my best friend of a few years broke up and ended our friendship (and at the time relationship).

I know its unhealthy to look at their blogs, So I haven't been. But is it unhealthy to look at pictures of them/stuff they drew for me? I'm still inlove with them, But I know we'll never talk again. I've accepted it, But I dont know if that makes it more or less unhealthy. Is it bad to keep imagining what our future couldve been or imagining us in songs/shows that remind me of what our dynamic was? I know it's not an actual possible future for myself, But I guess its kind of like imagining what itd be like in a fictional world to me? Idk I need advice, And if anyone has tips to get over the only person I've talked to/played with for 3 years I'd appreciate it, The majority of my memories over the 3 years have them in it. Its hard to get them out of my head

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[rrelationshipadvice]

Sooo...

I'm friends with a boy with whom I've been in a situationship before. He ended things with me in January but we stayed in contact and after a month I asked him if we could try again with each other. He said no, because even though he really likes me as a person and would really want to stay in touch he's not in love and he doesn't think he'll ever be, he's just too afraid of commitment to do so. We agreed to continue as friends in the end (I also asked for some no contact to help me feel better and calmer).

We've been friends for a while now.

We text quite regularly, met up once but planned more hangouts (uni is crazy right now for the both of us) and talk on the phone. We're both in each others' close frineds list on instagram too. I think it's safe to assume that he didn't agree to be friends just to be polite. He's even fixing some behaviours that were sources of conflict before (like not telling me when he's busy just brushing me off - now he tells me and makes sure I know he likes to talk to me/meet up with me).

The thing is that I still like him a little, and I think he might like me too it's just that he can't sort out his own emotions. There were small things that happened that I don't really do with my guy friends (I have had multiple for years and years and I'm quite close with some of them). I'm talking about things like intense eye-contact, almost flirty teasing, brushing of hands/knees/arms, him saying "kisses" when ending a phonecall, stuff like that. He even told me that he doesn't care if people think that we're together, if they want to spread that rumour then so be it (I was really upset about people saying this, as I didn't want him to think that I want to get him back or make him uncomfortable in any way).

AND he also did something that confused me even more. Back when we first started talking he sent me a spotify playlist to show what music he liked. I loved it actually, started following it and asked why am I the only one who does when it's public and so good. At first he thought it was private and then said it's probably because he doesn't show it to many people. I think it was private and he made it public to show me (he also added like 24 songs to it that same day but none after that for a while). He started adding songs again like 5 days ago. Some of them have some pretty interesting lyrics (for example "I wanted to kiss you but I didn't know how" or "I'm going crazy for you"). BUT I'm not the only one following it anymore, there's another user. He also posted a new profile pic like 5 days ago. And on that same day a close friends story with some music (no suggestive lyrics there but it's weird to me that he knew I would be reminded that I'm still in his close friends list).

Is he trying to make me jealous or something?? Is there someone new he's talking to? Why would he use a playlist that his "ex-situationship" follows to show someone (I think that is a bit risky because it could easily be interpreted as him being not completely over me or make the girl feel like a replacement).

I'm probably overanalyzing things. I might be jealous but mostly I am confused. It's unusual for him to be this active on social media (or at least he wasn't like this while we were in that situationship).

I've just started to make peace with being there for him as a friend since I love spending time with him and he's so supportive and kind to me. He can calm my anxiety down like only my closest friends can. But it makes me feel weird that I might be dragged into something where I'll be "the other woman" or something like that.

What should I do? Should I ask him if he's seeing someone? Should I just continue being close/connecting with him? How do I stop myself from constantly thinking about what he might be thinking or feeling? I really don't want to go no contact but I'm getting tired of having to calm myself down and constantly worrying about being percieved as trying to get back together.

Thanks for anyone who answears, I'm genuinely at my wits end right now.

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[rrelationshipadvice]

Prev anon who talked about flowers. I just wanted to let everyone commenting know that I am really big on communication and I have brought it up multiple times with him, I was more asking for advice to see if I was being reasonable/unreasonable from an outside perspective

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[rrelationshipadvice]

Is it wrong for me to want my boyfriend to spend more money on me? He has gotten me flowers once in the past few months and has been paying for meals recently, but most of the time I am paying for meals and gifts. I don't mind spending money on him bc I love showing my affection that way, but he seems to feel like he already spends enough money on me. I'm not asking for a lot more, I just want flowers once or twice a month, and an occasional gift that I don't have to ask for so I know he's thinking about me..

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[rrelationshipadvice]

Is it weird for me to say my boyfriend and I haven't gone on any real dates? We go out to eat or hang out at my place most of the time- but he's never taken me out on a date to a nice place with flowers where I get to dress up. He says he thought going out to street vendors and fast food counted as real dates. I like this kind of thing obviously- but I want to feel special too, we have been together for 4 months now and didn't even do anything special for Valentine's Day bc he kept putting it off and telling me he'll take me out another time

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[rrelationshipadvice]

I (30 NB) live with my ex (30 M). We dated for three years, but he broke up with me about a month ago because he is "too depressed to be in a relationship" and feels he needs to work on himself. He does, in fact, need to work on himself and he has been very depressed.

For context, this past year has been awful for me. My grandmother who raised me passed, I started my first year as a teacher (with no provided curriculum and 4 different classes to teach), and I've been so busy and emotionally drained that I haven't been working out or eating as well as I could, so I feel low energy often.

He has also had a tough year for different reasons. He is an alcoholic, and prior to my grandma's passing, was sober for about 2 years. He relapsed while visiting me and my family while she was on hospice, which, not to make it about me, was already awful because of family in-fighting as she died. Which again, is already hard as she was like a parent to me.

He has a therapist and went on SSRIs, but kept drinking and started self-harming.

I was as supportive as possible, even though he became distant. We stopped having sex, because he said the SSRIs killed his sex drive.

We also were supposed to move to a new city together in about 2 months, but now that we broke up, I'm moving there alone and he's moving back with his parents.

He makes more money than me, but neither of us can afford to live alone. We live in a single wide trailer with one bedroom and two cats, so it's too small to get a roommate if one of us moved out.

Now that we're broken up, he gets out more and does things he enjoys, like going to shows or meeting new people. I'm glad he's doing it, but also pretty bitter because I've always wanted him to get out more and meet more people-- it's not like I was holding him back.

Honestly, it's really messing with me. This breakup has been really hard on me. I really loved him, and had many long, hard & unpleasant nights over the past 6 months because of his mental illness, whereas he was actively pretty rude to me when my grandma passed (outside of relapsing-- he picked fights with me about how I wasn't "sharing my grief" right).

I'm currently the one sleeping on a mattress on the floor, because he was content to share the bed until we moved out & I didn't want to. I'm really hurt, and when I'm not hurt, I'm pissed at how I feel like I have to be the one that makes the sacrifices, even in this breakup.

I know he can't afford to move out, but I want him out. I'm tired of seeing him live his life more happily without me. We're both queer, and I feel like he just thinks this is like, one of those breakups that are too queer to fit into a mold, but actually? It just feels convenient for him.

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[rrelationshipadvice]

so i recently spoke to this guy from my school on insta. it had been a while we haven't seen eo but recently, we had been crossing our paths for the past two tests we had and bc im friends w her sister, we spoke to each other too. now after texting the night before, we texted the next morning too for a while. the night we texted, we spent 3 hrs talking abt various things including his past relas, my past situationships, we even flirted in the middle saying that it was j a practice flirting session for me etcetc {in the midst of the convo, i j called him a bbg to which he asked me to be his mommy and i jokingly agreed to which he replied again saying "SO BREASTFEED ME"- which he later deleted saying it was too much but okay💀💀idrk how he actually is. either a freesoul jokester or not but he even sent me a text saying "then j marry me" when i told him that him being a better person wont benefit me rather his wife & kids would enjoy the benefit.} and in flow i even told him how my friends saw him as "my crush" bc i had used his name a multiple times to save myself from an embarassment infront of my friends involving my past situationship. he replied saying that i owe him my life lol. moreover bc of sum instance, he had been thinking that i liked him which i cleared out the night we spoke. [🤡the instance🤡: i had initiated a convo w her sis bc we were from the same state so the next time i saw him alone w/o his sis i j went and asked for his insta id AND I SWEAR IT WASNT BC OF ANYTHING BUT PURELY CURIOSITY & BC OF MY EXTROVERTED ASS FR. thats when we saw we had moots. so he actually reached out to a moot of ours and asked her what sort of a person i am by sending the text "how is she" to the kid. now the kid told him that im nice and etcetc to which he responded saying that he asked her not bc he was interested in me but bc he felt i was interested in him. like woowww???] now im not really sure he was convinced bc in bw our convos he kept saying things like "if you want me j say so" etcetc. now THE MAIN THING, the next morning we spoke he said in bw our convo that 'HE USUALLY ISN'T SELF CENTERED BUT HE BECOMES ONE WHEN HE TALKS TO ME' which really made me wonder if its bc he has the pride over his delusion that i prolly like him or bc of sum other reason i cant think of. he did say that i shouldnt take this as an appreciation nor as a disrespect when he said he j likes to be self centred around me. if y'all actually think that it's possible that it's bc of sum other reason then please enlighten me. & if any doubts then please leave the question below BUT PLEASE DO HELP ME FRRR OML

thank you !!

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[rrelationshipadvice]

How do I shake off the feeling that people are not listening to me? I know it's a unhealthy mindset but the lack of response always makes me nervous, and I'm afraid of my friends being bored of me. The fear I have is in of itself self-centered, since I have expectations of my friends of listening and responding to everything I say and that's unreasonable to expect from them. I know this is more of a general, platonic relationship ask and I'm sorry. I just want to hear advice from other people.

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[rrelationshipadvice]

I (25) recently realized that I may be polyamorous. I've known that my wife (25) has been polyamorous for a long time, but we both thought I was monogamous and I have have crippling borderline so being in a poly relationship wasn't really an option. That was until my wife started (with my permission) to mess around with this girl (22) she has a crush on. The three of us started to hang out and I started to realize that I have a crush on her too. Honestly I feel like I'm in love with her, and I'm starting to think she's becoming my new favorite person, which is also kind of scary for me. I've told her and I've told my wife, and she's let us both know individually that she's not ready for a relationship right now, which my wife understands but for me it hurts a little? Like, I'm having these really strong feelings for her and I want to be around her all the time, and I know I don't need to be in a relationship with her to do that, but it feels like my heart is aching. We flirt with eachother and we all mess around and that's nice but I would really like someday for it to be more, but I'm not sure if it would be weird for me to wait for that, even if it never happens. Obviously I still love my wife and I still have her but I'm starting to realize (part of the reason I may be poly) is that I have too much love inside of me for one person, so it's kind of overwhelming. And plus it's very hard for me to find someone I can feel this connection with, it feels so rare for me and I don't want to lose her, even if it's not even a relationship.

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[rrelationshipadvice]

HELP. so basically i want to confess to my friend of three years. we dated briefly a few months after we met but broke up silently over that years summer. we never mentioned our dating relationship. we only stopped dating because she didn't know how to be in a relationship.

her confession was messy. (but not her fault) i heard rumors that she had liked me from other girls (really bitchy of them to do) so i already knew she liked me. the only reason we got together was because one of those girls kind of forced her to confess whole she watched. it didn't feel good at all.

now, three years later, i have strong feelings for her. im positive she also has feelings for me. im not sure how to bring this up. do i just ask to start over or...??

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[rrelationshipadvice]

Okay. So. This is a bit of a doozy

I had a girlfriend. We got real close, And then had a messy sudden break up that did not end well at all.

I reached out after around a year and we reconnected, We're very close again and are flirting. Its not gonna end sudden or messy again (I'm pretty sure, At least not from anything from before). No grudges held or anything. What I wanna know is what to do here. I wanna bring it up because the flirting and spark is obvious but idk how to bring it up

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[rrelationshipadvice]

Is it still cisgender-heterosexual hetroromantic-completely-straigh and definitely-not-gay if your 8 years situationship "it's complicated" starts asking whats your type, if you are genderfluid, if you are pan and does your likes lean towards women?

They are they/them, aroace and we are friends for 8 years now - althought they never call me "friend" nd avoided doing it on various occasions & so do I because feels weird call them friend - I have said I like them and the problem always seemed to be age gap (3 years difference) but now we are on cool terms (none of us are under 19 anymore) and now they started taking a liking in sending me messages, memes, posts, etc.

We had a lot of ins and outs when younger but we have been meeting each other every month (to what DEF is not a date /sarcasm) for 3 years straight, we hang out to a new place none of us has gone yet, each time one pick what we will eat and I let them ramble as I take in everything.

I never know where I stand with them.

Maybe a little help? I can provide more info if asked.

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[rrelationshipadvice]

Can I get advice about my friend

My friend has made it clear I cannot talk about cigarettes in her presence (I smoke them and she hates them). Anyway I was smoking one and posted it on my private story which she is not on and she sent me this super long paragraph about how apparently her mom died of lung cancer from cigarettes (she didn’t tell me this before) and how she’s really mad at me. To be clear the issue is that I posted about the cigarette, not that I smoke them. She said before that it was ok if I smoke cigs if she doesn’t hear about it.

So one of my private story people must’ve sent my post to her? I really like this friend and apologized but she kept giving me the cold shoulder. I waited a week and tried to apologize again and she said we were good but kept giving me the cold shoulder and it’s been five months

I made a big vent post about it but I kept it vague and just about my feelings “I don’t want to lose you I love you” type post where I stated NOTHING about her but her boyfriend sent me my vent post, which was here on tumblr on one of my blogs I didn’t know her boyfriend was following me and he was like “this is about her isn’t it. You should talk to her about this”.

Except I’m really nervous to because 1) I’m afraid to lose this friendship so badly I haven’t smoked a cigarette in five months so I don’t want to have this talk go bad and 2) the vent post did say I loved her and I’m worried the boyfriend is giving me this advice for malicious reasons

Her boyfriend is on my private story so I’m wondering if he’s the one who sent the original post to her

The vent post was made three months into me quitting cigarettes so two months ago and the boyfriend sent me the vent post today so I tried to lie and say it wasn’t about her but he was like “I know you, it’s about her.” But also how did he get my vent post that has zero notes. Was he looking in my blog under the vent tag. I might be overthinking this and if I do talk to her and it all goes well then maybe she will stop giving me the cold shoulder (it has been five months since she said we were good but clearly it was a lie)

Idk I just don’t know what to do. She doesn’t know I quit smoking I guess I could apologize a third time and tell her that. I’m not telling her I love her tho because despite my silly crush I’m not actually looking for a romantic relationship. Just what should I say to my friend

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[rrelationshipadvice]

I'm so incredibly conflicted, what do I do

I'm in a relationship with a guy, it's been going on for a year and almost 5 months. The relationship started off fine and almost immediately became toxic. He went from loving to cold and distant, he wouldn't hesitate to hurt my feelings if I offended him, or ditch me to hang at bars with friends, or even shoo me out for the night so he could drink with a crowd he shouldn't have been around. I was sick and tired of it, and I was so ready to leave him, but he finally came to his senses, started treating me better and improving. Yet I sit here afraid, scared, confused, all of it, I don't know if I can let this slide any longer. I used to spend ridiculous amounts of money on him, drink so he'd bring me along for hangouts, I became someone he liked so I could win his love and respect. Sure I could easily just accept that he's improving for me, but I waited an entire year for him to get better, and it's only been 2 months since he started. Is the relationship still worth it? I love him dearly and yet I feel this way, remembering all the horrible things he would say to me, how he'd make me feel guilty over the smallest things, it still hurts after all this time

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[rrelationshipadvice]

First of all hello!

I'm(20F) currently interested in a boy(20M), but one day he acts very friendly and the next day he is very cold. I don't understand if he is trying a tactic or if he is interested in me. I have never been one to take the first step. Should I do this?I'm not saying this is a good thing, but I've never liked anyone enough to want them this much, and I didn't want the people who usually like me, so now I'm experiencing karma? And I know that he has way more experience than me, but I have never had a relationship, I have never been able to love or trust anyone before, yes, I am uncomfortable with this, it is a bad thing that I have no experience, but he thinks of me as someone who has had many lovers and I did not want to reveal that I had not had a relationship before at that moment. In case he doesn't want me because I'm inexperienced. It confuses me a lot. I don't understand if he sees me only as a friend or if he wants more. My friends who see me from outside say that he is interested in you, but I don't know, I can't think like that, what should I do?

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[rrelationshipadvice]

Kind of rant-y but this IS about asking advice on how to handle my friendship. All my friend wants to do is talk about HER ocs and she never asks about mine or even talks about the media we became friends over in the first place. I feel like a dumping ground for her oc rambles. Would I be justified in ending the friendship? I think I might be because the relationship is starting to feel one sided. I think I might not be because it feels shitty to stop being friends just because we don't have interests in common anymore. And her ocs are cool so I'm not sure if it's ok for me to lose interest in them JUST because I have hurt fee-fees, and if I should suck it up and try to get interested in her ocs again to be a good friend. Any advice is appreciated, even if I'm the one being an unreasonable shithead.

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[rrelationshipadvice]

Hey, It was us!

Hi, not an AITA since I need some advice right now, I'm not handling the situation well. I'm trying to look for an r/ advice blog that you promoted months ago, do you or anyone in the chat has the link?

I don't have it anymore but hopefully someone who sees this does! I hope things get better soon