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salvatoremanimarum · 11 years

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The White Castle.

Everything that Cassandra could see when she woke up every morning was white. White walls, white sheets, white curtains. There wasn’t a single part of the four walls that gave her room an inch of color. And all she could hear was the unstoppable whimper of her hundreds of roommates she shared her living space with. All cried for salvation that never came, all locked up for reasons unknown to her. There was a morning routine they had to stick too with no exception, and after being there for a year Cassandra couldn’t seem to get used to it. She always got up late, part of having trouble sleeping, always dreamed she would wake up in her old bed but once she opened her eyes reality hit her. She wasn’t home. She was somewhere between hell and earth, stuck in the middle convinced by someone that was the place she belonged to. But in her mind she knew she wasn’t supposed to be there. The door to her room opened quickly and suddenly making her jump while she sat on the bed. Just like every morning a woman dressed in all white walked in, pulled her bed sheets aside (don’t mind her still laying in her bed) and dragged her out. It didn’t matter all the times Cassandra protested, which she did the first two months along with telling everyone she didn’t belong there, but no one listened, or how many times she told the woman she wasn’t hungry, she always managed to force her out of bed and her room. Her roommate, Isobel, had told her once that people like them, ‘abnormal people’, were never listened to. No matter how much of the truth they were saying, the rest of the world ignored them just for being different. It was, what she called, universal truth of every mental institution. After a year of being there Cassandra still believed it to be a dream, or more like a nightmare, and remembered being put into this horrible situation by none other than her mother. She could recall the day like a scene from a movie someone might have watched too many times, and it haunted her every single day.

It had been her 16th birthday, she was still at the Big House and dreaming about going home to her friends and family. It never happened. Or it did for a couple of hours. Her mother picked her up at 4 o’clock sharp, told her to pack her bags because she was going to take her home.

She shouldn’t have believed it like she had. It wasn’t the first time her mother had lied to her like that, made her believe something when it wasn’t real. Her mother had dragged her along towards a place where she had been treated as if everything she did was wrong, as if everything she saw was not there. They were trying to make her believe Landon was not real. Cassandra could deal with people saying she was being a complete fool to believe there was someone whispering in her ear every day. She could handle that. What she couldn’t comprehend was people forcing her to change her whole existence and her purpose in life (though sometimes she could hardly understand it), because they couldn’t understand someone was different. She could also deal with other people thinking like that, she couldn’t deal, though, with that someone being her own mother. They walked into the dinner room, the hundreds of roommates Cassandra had, perfectly arranged to look more like a mix of a high school cafeteria and a hospital room; white and clean. Each table consisted of six metal chairs glued to the floor to avoid incidents like the one Cassandra had been forced to watch: two girls fighting for a small piece of bread, each one using a chair as a weapon. The fight had been tremendous; everyone inside the cafeteria took advantage of the moment to lose themselves in the craziness. There was yelling, people running around screaming obscenities at each other for minutes, until a nurse put a stop to it. Cassandra was certain that incident would remain in her subconscious forever. “What a ridiculous delicious breakfast.” Angeline told her as they sat in across from each other. Cassandra merely smiled weakly at her and noticed as her bright blue eyes sparkled with mischief. The plate in front of them was horrendous; Oatmeal with fruits, when in reality it looked darker and brunt and there was also no signs of fruits present. A chocolate brownie that tasted nothing like chocolate, a glass of water and jelly. She could swear even dogs ate better than anyone in this place ever did.

“I’d rather choke myself to death.” Isobel spoke and played with the oatmeal on her plate to later push the tray away. “Maybe if we complain…”

“Don’t.” Angeline snapped at her. “Complain and then what? You have any idea how many times we’ve done that? Millions. The only response we get afterwards is more disgusting food.”

“We’re not animals.” Isobel told her.

“They know. They just don’t care and you know it.”

What of the things Cassandra had learned from the year being held against her will, was how right everyone was when they said ‘you can do this and that but no one cares’, because to the people running this place they were all insane, all mental, being forgotten by loved ones and those that claimed to love them. They could get hurt, they could fight themselves to death, they could die slowly and painfully, but no one would care.

No one cares about those being hurt.

Before Cassandra could add her own comment into the conversation a nurse walked towards their table. She wore an fake smile on her face, a smile Cassandra had learned to recognize a long time ago, and a few papers in her hand. Nurse Myra was harsh, rude and sometimes cruel beyond measure. Her dark eyes reflected the evilness within her soul, a cold stone hung around her neck that probably mirrored the stone she had for a heart.

The first day Cassandra met her was the day she realized they weren’t going to help her in the slightest. The minute she had laid her eyes on the woman she’d seen the hurt, the pain and the grief she was about to experience and could probably never avoid as long as she lived there.

“Cassandra, my dear.” Nurse Myra greeted her with such fake politeness and sweetness Cassandra had to take a minute not to puke right in her face. “While reading the file of your progress I’ve noticed that today is the anniversary of your first year here with us. And I thought it would be a great time to celebrate.”

Cassandra did a double take. She couldn’t understand how being locked up for a year in a place that resemble pretty much of a jail in hell, would be a reason to celebrate. If anything she would run to her room and scream into a pillow.

“You want to throw a party?” Cassandra asked her ironically.

“I want you to come with me. I want to show you something.” Nurse Myra told her, not giving her time to respond she grabbed her arm and pulled her up and away from her friends. Although Cassandra did have time to share one last look with Angeline, who looked as worried as she felt, but still managed to smile at her before Nurse dragged her out of the dining area.

The second thing she hated the most about Nurse Myra, the first one being her unmistakable rudeness, was how unpredictable she was. Maybe because of how she smiled all the time, or how sweet she pretended to be, she never could tell what she had planned or how she was going to react to anything. Like now, as she dragged her away through the thin walls of The White Castle, she couldn’t predict where was being taken or what was going to happen to her.

She was scared, that was much clear.

They stopped walking five minutes later (or was it longer?) and they both stepped into a darker room, at least darker than her room and other places she had seen inside the facility. The room consisted of a chair in the middle, a metal chair like in the ones in the cafeteria, and a lamp in the corner that provided the necessary light for whatever it needed to be done. Nurse Myra pushed Cassandra further in and commanded her to take a sit into the cold chair. She followed her instructions, not having the desire to argue with her like she had done so many times before and immediately felt something creeping inside her chest.

She could hear a whisper she immediately identified as her friend; Landon. Speaking through her mind words of comfort and calmness, but she couldn’t quite feel calm. No. She felt scared all of a sudden, perhaps because the woman in front of her couldn’t stop smirking in a way that made her inside twist and her heart speed.

Before Cassandra could ask or say anything, two men walked in, closed the door behind them with a loud thud and stood next to Myra. Just like the nurse they were both dressed in white but, in some way, looked less frighten than her (if that was actually possible), still didn’t make her feel less uneasy.

“I’m going to ask you a few questions, Cassandra…”

“I thought we were going to celebrate my one year.” Cassandra interrupted her. The woman’s smirked just grew.

“This is our celebration” Nurse Myra told her. “I’ve heard you have a friend?”

The minute the question left her mouth Cassandra shivered. The woman didn’t need to tell her or ask her twice about what friend she was referring to, just the way she spoke told her millions. They hadn’t asked about Landon, she hadn’t told anyone either, and the fact that she knew about him, without her mentioning him scared her beyond reason.

“I have many.” Cassandra responded. The woman walked in circles around her, the tapping of her high heels making echo through the walls

“Does one of those many friends you have whisper things to you at night?” Nurse Myra asked.

Cassandra swallowed, Landon’s voice softly whispering once again into her ear. She tried to ignore him, ask him to go away without actually speaking but it was hard and she was scared something could happen.

“I don’t know what you mean….”

“Your mother told us about him; Landon, right? He speaks to you but no one seems to know who he really is. Aren’t you a little bit grown up to have an invisible friend?”

How could Cassandra explain to her he wasn’t invisible? That she wasn’t faking it, that he spoke to her every single day and they talked for hours without anyone knowing. Just because she was the only one listening didn’t mean he wasn’t real.

Myra stopped behind her, holding her hands tightly among her cold ones and grabbed her with such a force Cassandra could barely move. She felt something hard pressing against her wrist and before she could say something to protest she was being tied to her chair.

“You know? We have a nice method here that stops all the voices in your head.” Myra whispered in her ear. “It makes all the craziness go away too. You will succumb to it within minutes, when there’s nothing but emptiness and pain in your brain. Believe me.”

When the first strike came Cassandra didn’t expect it. She bent forward as pain ran through her body, the man’s fist crashed against her stomach once twice three times, tears spilling from her eyes but he didn’t stop.

For a moment she thought she was going to pass out from the pain, but she didn’t. And she wondered why. Why would they do this to her? Why would anyone do this to anyone? Even though her stay at the White Castle seemed pointless to her, she knew it was her mother’s way to help her ‘get better’, part of her understood it was the only way she had to show her she cared. But then, when the man’s fist hit her stomach for the tenth time, she wondered if she ever knew what they were doing to her. Was she part of this too? Was she part of the endless torture?

Her eyes closed slowly the pain slowly but surely taking over her body, but it didn’t subside. Instead the man’s hand crashed against her face, forcing her to keep her eyes open. She blinked a couple of times, focused her eyes on the man’s face; his eyes penetrating her very soul, filled her heart with so much hate she thought it was going to explode. But then she came into her line of sight: Nurse Myra, and Cassandra’s feelings transferred to her. Then man wasn’t the one to blame, no, he was pawn in her ridiculous healing game, Cassandra was certain he would never hit a woman like that. His eyes proved he was a good man; his soul was not contaminated with Myra’s cruelty. “Don’t hit her in the face.” Myra commanded him. “I don’t want marks; I don’t want anyone to notice this.”

Cassandra wanted to speak, to say something to the woman in front of her but her whole body stopped working. She was experiencing pain like never before, it was as if her stomach had been punched with an iron fist and then the pain travelled through her whole body until it felt numb. Myra seemed to be satisfied with the ache showing on Cassandra’s face for the next minute all she did was smile. She seemed to be enjoying her suffering.

“I think it’s enough for today.” Myra spoke. “Take her to her room. Quietly. I don’t want anyone asking questions.”

The man did as he was told and slowly took Cassandra off her chair wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted off. She groaned as he walked, each movement he made seemed to make her body tremble with pain. Before they reached her room she succumbed to the pain, closing eyes as her whole world turned black. Xxxxxxxx When Cassandra opened her eyes she felt something cold over her torso, and whispers, soft gentle words being said over and over again. For a fraction of a second she thought it was Landon, but after the man bad beat her she had stopped listening to his voice. It was as if he had vanished.

She prayed he didn’t.

“Hey, she’s waking up.” Angeline whispered. The minute Cassandra noticed her presence, as well as Isobel, she tried to sit up straight but then a wave of nausea came through her that made her stop.

“Are you okay?” Isobel asked her, picking her nails as she did when she was nervous.

“I…I’ve definitely been better.” Cassandra told her.

“Did they beat you?” Angeline asked her. Even though that much was obvious, Cassandra thought she had been the only one going through that torture. Now Angeline question partially showed her that maybe they had been through the same too.

“Yes”

“How many times?” Isobel asked her.

“I don’t know. A lot.” Cassandra answered. “Have they done this before?”

“Yes.” Angeline answered quickly. “To all of us.”

Her answer made Cassandra shiver. What kind of people were they? Do they really though beating the crap out of someone would lead them to something? They weren’t monsters, if anything they were sick people who needed help, not more suffering into their lives.

“It is sort of like a healing technique.” Isobel explained. “They do this because they think we will stop acting all weird and crazy. Like they think if they beat us once we will stop acting different because we won’t want to go through the pain again. Most of the time they just beat you once or twice a month.”

“Twice a month?” Cassandra asked in shock “They do this regularly?”

“Yep!” Isobel responded. “Some of us sooner, probably more than two times a month. Perhaps in two weeks…”

Cassandra could have sworn she spoke as if what happened to them was the most normal thing in the world, when in reality she had never experienced something as twisted as this.

“We have to make them stop. Tell someone about this…”

“Kid, you do realize where you’re at, don’t you?” Angeline interrupted. “You do know they don’t care about us? For anyone out there we’re just a bunch of insane people that probably deserve to be beaten almost to the point of not even recognizing who you are. They won’t listen, ever.”

“We could die in here and no one would notice.” Isobel added.

“We have to face it, we only have each other.” Angeline spoke.

For the first time in a year Cassandra felt like someone understood her pain, but most importantly she felt she had friends who wanted to be there for her.

She felt like she wasn’t alone anymore.

#s:servator animarum #c:cassandra abbott #one shots #one shot cassandra

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salvatoremanimarum · 11 years

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A new beginning.

A month after Arianna’s passing Jackson found himself completely lost. Literally lost. As if everything he did couldn’t satisfy his soul on any level. He took walks, like he used to do when he was distressed, ate candies (that usually did the trick) he even meditated upon Liam’s advice. Nothing worked. He was still as sad as the first day; he still woke up in the middle of the night crying his sister’s name in despair. “You two are bonded.” Liam told him once, when he invited him for coffee just to get him out of his house. “It happens with twin siblings, that’s why you feel her absence more than anyone else.” He could have ignored his friends words, and called him crazy for being the science man and sometimes skeptic man and still believe in things like this, but deep inside he felt what he said was right. After Arianna’s death he felt as if his heart had been ripped out of his chest, as if part of his life had gone with his sister, which for someone could be just mourning or pain or grief but to him it was more than that; it was their bond being completely destroyed. Jackson knew he would never be the same again. Even after two years. Two years after her death he still couldn’t conceive her passing. That his whole life had changed in that precise moment, he couldn’t escape his faith or the new path his life was taking. He could, though, try to find a solution.

Then, like a sign coming from above, his brain traveled to a place he had long forgotten, where all his troubles had never existed. To a place where everything was good, pure and full of never ending joy; his hometown where he grew up with nothing but love. “You’re doing what?” Liam asked him, looking confused and a little bit angry, Jackson noticed.

“I’m leaving.” Jackson told him. They sat in small cafe in the wee hours of the morning, because he figured the best way of telling him the decision he had made was very early in the day which left plenty of time for him to process it. His friend stared with a blank expression on his face for a few seconds, and then he shifted on his seat as he shook his head slowly. “You’re leaving. Just like that?” Liam questioned him. “Yeah…I don’t hope you understand, but I have to do this.” Jackson told him. He wasn’t the kind of man who would explain his actions to others, but Liam was more than a friend to him, he was like a brother and he at least owe him the reasons why his sudden departure. “Why? I mean why now?” Liam asked him and merely received a shrug from his friends. It was enough, though, for him to figure out the reason he was keeping to himself, “It’s because of Arianna, isn’t it?” Jackson glared at his friend for one, two, three minutes in complete silence. Clearly he knew him too well. “Look, I don’t know what it feels like to lose somebody.” Liam told him. “I figure the healing process must be hard, and painful, but that doesn’t mean you have to walk away from the world. You can stay here, work things out.” “In my case I do have to.” Jackson responded. Liam knew Jackson’s world had fallen apart when his sister died, his world had literally been destroyed in every aspect of his life; his mother had stopped speaking to him because she blamed him for her death, he was unable to concentrate with his patients losing several in the process. His whole demeanor changed abruptly and when he thought the old Jackson was slowly but surely coming back, he dropped this bomb on him. “I do believe this is for the best.” Jackson continued. “I have to do this. I have to go…” “For how long?” Liam asked him. “Because you’re coming back, right?” “Maybe. Maybe not, I’m not sure yet.” “I’ll give you a year.” Liam told him abruptly. “You stay wherever you are going and then you come back and live your life”. “Liam…” “You’re doing this because you think you didn’t help your sister, but you did.” Liam spoke. Jackson closed his eyes and sighed, sometimes it scared him how well his friend knew him. “I know you think otherwise, and your mother has told you the same, but you’re wrong. You did everything you could to help her, but sometimes there’s nothing to be done…” “Well…” Jackson spoke, swallowed the lump forming in his throat when he couldn’t control his emotions. “It is why I need to leave, to push all those thoughts aside. It’s part of my healing process.” “Your healing process sucks.” Liam confessed. “If I were you, I would have stayed home and get drunk.” Jackson couldn’t help but laugh. “I don’t drink.” he told him. “And either way I don’t think being hungover would have helped.” “So where are you going anyways?” Jackson remained quiet for a few seconds before he gave his friend a proper response. What was the best way to describe where he was going? He remembered that he couldn’t quite explain why, all of a sudden, he had decided to go back to Deacon of all places. He’d sat in his room in the middle of the night, unable to sleep and out of nowhere he’d felt homesick. He’d craved for that forgotten house and the happy memories it brought back to him, and no long ago to his sister. “I’m going home.” he responded later. “Home? I thought this was your home.” Liam said. “I’m going back to a place I haven’t been in years, but I can still call home.” Jackson told him, and a small grin appeared on his face at thought of home. “What’s gonna happen with your patients? Because you can’t walk away on them.” Liam said. “I took care of that.” Jackson responded. “Oh, you did, uh? You’ve been thinking this through. You weren’t waiting for me to say ‘Yes Jackson, I think you should go’ or ‘No Jackson I think you should stay’?” Liam said. “You were going to go either way without saying a word.” “Yes, I have been thinking this through and no, I wasn’t going to leave without informing you first.” “Right.” Liam said and looked down at his intertwined hands resting on his lap. Jackson couldn’t help but notice the hint of sadness in his face. “Just…promise me something, okay? As sentimental as it might sound and very unLiam-ish of me, promise me you will at some point come back? I mean, I’m not saying this because I’ll miss you or anything, I’m saying this because we work together and it sucks to look for another partner.” Jackson smiled at his friend’s words, knowing this was his way of telling him he will, in fact, miss him, though if he were to ask him he would deny it. “I’ll do my best.” Jackson told him. “When are you leaving?” his friend asked him. “In two days.” “Two?…wow that’s—that’s soon.” Liam spoke.

“I know. I figured if I stayed longer saying goodbye would be twice as hard so you could say I’m leaving in a hurry.” Jackson told him. “I still have a few things to do; transfer my papers to Charlie, pack a few things, give back the keys to my landlady…”

“You’re giving your patients to your girlfriend?” Liam asked, surprised at his friend’s choice.

“Ex-girlfriend. We broke up, which was obviously meant to happen since I’m leaving her yet again.” By ‘yet again’ meant whenever his sister got sick Jackson usually cancelled every appointment, even the once he had with his current girlfriend, which lead them to have an on-and-off relationship that lasted too long. She never understood how complicated his sister’s disease was. “But it was going to happen either way, the break up I mean. It was meant to be…even when I asked her to come with me.” “What?” Jackson was not entirely sure how it happened; one minute they were arguing about patients, schedules and how irresponsible he was and then he was almost begging her to come along. He thought, for a tiny second, that it would stop the argument but instead it increased it. She didn’t stop yelling at him for daring to drag her along with him and be selfish enough to believe she would give up her life. He wasn’t doing it because he wanted her with him, but because he thought she would ask him to stay. She didn’t. He thought what they had was real, that she cared and loved him. He was wrong. “She said no, obviously.” Jackson responded.

“I would have been surprised if she had said yes.” Liam spoke.

“Yeah, me too.” Jackson said. “Well…I guess it makes things easier. A little bit at least. I won’t have something pulling me back or making everything more complicated. If I had Charlie she would have done everything in her power to not let me go, even when the decision was already made.” His friend would never believe him if he told him the decision was made only two days after his sister’s dead. Or that he had packed two bags after Arianna’s funeral, that he didn’t know why leaving was taking him longer than expected, or that he had called his mother to say goodbye but she had hung up on him before he could actually speak.

“Well, even if I don’t agree with this entire leaving thing, I want you to know that I’m going to be here when you need me.” Liam told him, Jackson smiled gratefully. “In case you – you know? – want to talk, though I’m not really good at giving advices.”

“I know.”

“Alright then—” Liam got up from his seat, grabbed his jacket and dropped a few bills on the table.“I won’t take any more minutes of your time. You have lots of things to do…”

“Yeah…” Jackson followed his movements and got up as well. His friend stood awkwardly in front of him, waited for him to make a move. Until he moved towards him and gave Jackson a short and very brief hug which caught him off guard but he responded either way.

“Call me once you’ve settle down.” Liam told him.

“I will.”

“Take care.”

“You too.”

Jackson watched his friend walk away and just couldn’t help but feel as he took slow steps towards his car, part of his life was leaving with him. They had been friends for so long, shared so many adventures that now leaving seemed harder to do but still was completely necessary.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He sat in his car, rain slowly poured against the windshield and he focused briefly on the people rushing to get to a safe spot, he glared at his friend from the review mirror. He ran too, stopped a cab and rushed to get in and the car got in motion.

He smiled. Satisfied that the plan was in in motion. A plan in which he had not interfered, but had worked brilliantly even without his assistance.

Everything was settled.

“It has begun.” Liam whispered, started the engine and left the parking lot slowly.

#c:jackson delaney #c:liam morgan #one shot #one shot jackson

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salvatoremanimarum · 11 years

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Headcanon: Friends

Cassandra had two friends growing up; Lily and Eliza. Lily died when she was young, she can’t still remember her though and how much fun they had at school. She lost contact with Eliza after Cassandra was sent to the Big House. Then she made new friends, back in the White...

#c:cassandra abbott #cassandra headacanon

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salvatoremanimarum · 11 years

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Jackson wears a hat, THAT hat, to the office once and Liam laughs in his face saying “that’s the ugliest hat I’ve ever seen” and Jackson snaps at him saying his sister gave him that hat for their birthday.

After Arianna dies he never wears the hat again because it made him think about her and the pain is too much, but he still has it somewhere in his closet.

#c:jackson delaney #jackson headcanon

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salvatoremanimarum · 11 years

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#sa:art #c:cassandra abbott #c:jackson delaney #c:camelia garcia #c:landon

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salvatoremanimarum · 11 years

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‘I’m sorry I failed you, little sis. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you, I’m sorry you came to me and I didn’t have words of comfort to make you feel better. I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.’

#sa:art #c:jackson delaney #c:arianna delaney

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salvatoremanimarum · 11 years

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February 10th 1998. Cassie's Diary

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salvatoremanimarum · 11 years

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Cassie's journal entry.Essential part of the story "Servator Animarum"

#sa:art #c:cassandra abbott

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salvatoremanimarum · 11 years

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#sa:servator animarum #c:jackson delaney

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salvatoremanimarum · 11 years

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favourite celebrity meme: sebastian stan ↳ [3/5] photoshoots

#c:jackson delaney #sa:dreamcast

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salvatoremanimarum · 11 years

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Original Story: Angel Eyes

Leighton Meester as Cassandra Abbott

Ian Somerhalder as Landon

Sebastian Stan as Jackson Delaney

Anna Kendrick as Camelia Garcia

Tom Ellis as Liam Morgan

Cassandra comes home after being away for six long years, hoping she could begin a new life and leave everything that once hurt her behind. In her hometown she reunites with her old friend, Camelia, who not only becomes her roommate but also her greatest ally. Her mother, with whom she hasn’t spoken too in six years and also she can’t seem to trust ever again. Meets new friends, makes a new life just like she had planned.

But there’s one thing she can’t ignore; who she is, what she is and him.Especially him. Landon; his best friend, shadow, constant companion, her Angel and the secret she thinks can hide forever.

#sa:art #sa:dreamcast

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salvatoremanimarum · 11 years

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"Ever since I was a kid I could feel him; every step I took, every thing I did. He was there, always. They broke me but he taught to stand strong because I had a mission in life; I was a savior, a messenger. Together we could save many. We are a team. My guardian angel and I, always side by side.”

#sa:art #sa:dreamcast #c:jackson delaney #c:camelia garcia #c:landon #c:cassandra abbott

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salvatoremanimarum · 11 years

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Three years ago.

It was days like this, when the dark clouds covered most of the clear blue sky, that Jackson remembered his sister. It was mostly because she loved how dark the sky looked like, gave her a sense of happiness she used to say. Sometimes he associated it with her depression, even though he never pointed it out to her and they never truly discussed it. He looked out of his window, there was no sign of sunshine at all and for a moment wished he could stay home for the day but there was something forcing him to leave his bed. His heart, though, didn’t feel at peace. There was uneasiness within his chest, which made him think of her. He couldn’t truly explain it, he had made up his mind not long ago to leave his past behind but even if he had made that promise to himself, everything he had decided to forget kept haunting him down. ———o——— 3 years earlier. The sun slowly set outside Jackson’s window and he found himself alone for the first time in his office as his last patient closed the door behind him. He took the time to lay his head back, and allowed the silence to wash over him. The only sound that surrounded him was the tick tock of his old office clock, an antique people would say, to him it was his biggest treasure given to him by someone who loved him more than anything; his grandmother. He had closed his eyes when the knock on the door came. He groaned and refused to open his eyes or move for a tiny fraction of a second, and then a brown haired woman peeked through the door and smiled apologetically at him. “Doctor, your patient is here.” the woman spoke. He lifted his head from his reclining chair and frowned, confused. “My last patient just left, Laura.” Jackson told her, the woman barely shrugged at him. “Who is it?” “Arianna.” Laura told him. “I’ve told you a hundred times, she’s not my patient.” he responded harshly. “Send her in.” The woman disappeared behind the door and Jackson jumped out of his chair quickly. He put his glasses on and walked around his desk to the small couch, where he waited with relatively calm as Arianna walked inside. He counted the days in his head since the last time he saw her, how many? Two, three maybe more, even though he tried to talk to her as much as he could, she was the one who had built a wall between them that seemed completely unbreakable. There was no question why Jackson was completely and utterly shocked to find her outside his office since she rarely came to him. Arianna stepped inside his office looking as lost as she did once. Her long blonde hair tied in a messy pony tail; still she looked as beautiful as always, though her hazel eyes looked as sad as he remembered them. She looked at her surroundings, everything about his office seemed to call her attention; the paintings on the wall (a beautiful picture of a beach, was actually her favorite, he noticed), the old clock wall, his diplomas. Until her eyes landed on his desk, where a picture of both tight in each other’s embrace as they smiled to the camera, rested. She smiled briefly and Jackson’s hand immediately traveled to the small of her back and guided her towards the couch. “How have you been?” He asked her. She sank on the couch with a soft thud and shrugged at his question. “Good, I guess.” she replied finally. “Are you taking your medications?” “No.” she responded quickly but continued when she noticed the angry expression on his face. “You know how they make me feel. I can barely think with them.” “It’s for your own good. I promise.” he told her and smiled sweetly at her. Given her state the last thing she needed was for him to tell her off. “So, is there anything you would like to share with me?” If there was something he had learned, not because of his years at Uni but because he simply knew her, that he shouldn’t force her to speak unless she wanted to. He always, when they meet, asked her the same questions, sometimes getting different responses from her. This time was no different from the last two; she shrugged and shook her head. “No. Not really.” she told him and he could have sworn he saw her tense up in her position on the couch. “I’ve been bored this couple of days, with nothing to do and with no job.” “I told you, you could stay with me.” he interrupted, but like many times before when he had asked the same question, he received the same answer; a shake of her head. “No…” “Arianna. I want to help you.” “I don’t need your pity, Jackson.” she said sharply. “I told you the last thing I need is for you to play babysitter on me, watching my every move.” “I’m taking care of you just like I promised mom.” he told her. She got up quickly from her chair and stared her usual nervous pace around his office. He watched her like a hawk, giving her all the space she needed like he had promised once. “Arianna…” “You can’t help me.” she whispered, never stopped walking around. “You know you can’t.” “I’m trying.” he told her. “I’m trying to help you out but you have to let me. I want to.” He got up and reached for her, until his hand was securely wrapped around hers. She stopped as soon as she felt his touch and he noticed how her eyes watered gradually. “I’m a mess.” she sobbed. “I’m a mess you can’t possibly fix. No one can.” She slowly pulled away from his hold, put as much space between them as she could, tears fell down her pale cheeks as they lost contact with one another. It hurt him more than he could put into words, the despair in his sister’s eyes and the sadness written on her face. Jackson knew she was begging for help, but at the same time didn’t know how to express that desperation and that need for salvation. Usually she gave into his attempts within minutes, talked about everything bothering her or any random thing she could come up with. Now it wasn’t one of those days for she was reluctant to speak her mind. “I think I should go.” she said and wiped the tears away with the back of her hand. “Why don’t we have dinner together?” he suggested. “Like old times” Before everything had gotten bad, as bad it was before she’d gotten lost, they had dinner together at his place or at any random restaurant after he’d finished with his patients. It had, for the both of them, been closest to being a normal family. “I…” Just when she was about to answer they were interrupted by Laura, who slowly walked inside and smiled apologetically to both. “I’m sorry to interrupt, Doctor, but Mr Morgan called to remind you about your 6 o’clock meeting.” “Yes, thank you Laura.” Jackson responded and waved the woman goodbye. Arianna merely stared, having gone through the same situation before; made plans to spend at least one hour with him without interruptions, to later those plans being cancelled because of his work. “I’m sorry.” he told her. “I complete forgot about Liam…” “Don’t worry about it.” she said. “Tell you what? Why don’t we eat something after the meeting?” he proposed. “I’ll call you when I’m done and pick you up at home?” “Yeah…that sounds good” she said, and smiled weakly. She honestly was too tired to protest about the fact that they’d probably never meet, or have dinner. He was always too busy for her, anyways. “Great. Perfect.” he responded. “I’ll give you a call then.” “I’ll be waiting.” she hugged him, wrapped her arms around his neck and sighed against his shoulder. For anyone this could seem like something two people who cared about each other would do, to him it was the oddest thing Arianna had ever done. They never hugged. She didn’t like to show affection for anyone, not even him; it was something strange about her personality, something that always told him maybe she didn’t like to be close to anyone or grow attached to someone. Though he never protested when she hugged him, just concentrated in returning the gesture and enjoy her warm touch. “I’ll see you later.” she whispered against his ear and then as quickly as she came she was out of the room, before Jackson had a chance to say goodbye. ——-o——- Jackson looked at his watch and before he had the chance to protest he realized he had broken a promise. He cursed himself repeatedly as he ran out of the old restaurant in search of his car. For some strange reason he felt uneasy, like he could sense something in the air of the night, something that had gone terribly wrong. He begged, for the first time in many years, to God or anyone who could hear him, for the bad feeling clouding his heart not to be true. He was also scared for the first time in his life. He grabbed his phone out of his pocket, searched through his contacts for the right number dialed and waited for her to pick up. Five, six, seven times and no answer. “Please be home.” he whispered, phone secured on his ear as he drove. “Please Arianna, pick up the phone.” No answer. His heart reached an unnatural speed and small drops of sweats formed in his forehead despite the cold weather as Jackson reached to his destination and all fears haunting him became true; two police cars were parked outside the old apartment building, as well as an ambulance and the usual noisy crowd. By the time he parked his own car two paramedics walked out of the doors, followed by a police officer. He ran towards them, as far as the bright yellow tape and the two cops in front of him allowed it. “What happened?” Jackson asked to the uniformed man holding him back. The man stared at him and then his attention was drawn to the stretcher being pulled out, a white sheet covered a body. “A girl.” the police officer said. “She committed suicide ten minutes ago.” “What girl?” Jackson asked with desperation. “I don’t know.” the man answered. “What’s her name?” he asked one more time, tried to walk further towards the building but the man’s grip was stronger than he had initially though. “I need to know her name…” “Arianna Delaney.” His heart stopped. The street around him seemed to spin, the noise had disappeared all of a sudden and he felt his stomach twist with pain and guilt. This couldn’t be happening. No. It wasn’t real. It wasn’t true. It must be one of those awful dreams when he woke up in cold sweat, feeling as his sister’s life slip through his finger to then realize nothing was real. Only this time the pain was too vivid to be a dream. ——-o——- He couldn’t recognize what happened later, who guided him inside her apartment or who gave him the glass of water he had on his hands. The only thing he noticed was the smell; it was entirely Arianna. Vanilla and Strawberry, two of her favorite scents overwhelmed him and made him feel she was still there, his litter sister wasn’t gone and she would walk through the door in any second. He waited. She never came. And his whole world crumbled at his feet. He had failed her. He had failed himself to, and his mother. There was one thing she always begged for; for him to save her, to be there for her in times of need and despair. But he had failed, he had broken the one and only promise that could have saved her life…now he would have to live his entire life with the guilt, every day with regret because the only life worth saving was gone. ‘I’m sorry I failed you, little sis. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you, I’m sorry you came to me and I didn’t have words of comfort to make you feel better. I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.’

#s:servator animarum #one shots #one shot jackson #c:jackson delaney

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