shadewood45

[shadewood45]

Attempt 2 please.

Happy Solar Eclipse if this ever uploads

#friends art #this vid has nearly sent me to tears twice now

[shadewood45]

Long Ramble about CCCC and my overall feelings on what the album means and such

Something I find important about CCCC is like.

The fact that all three of them are, in some way, trying.

Heart is emotion, he is prone to himself and being reactionary, in the moment. Prone to the past of learned behavior and trauma. Reactive and rapidly changing. He isn't going to make pure sense because he isn't based in logic or in societal ideals or views. He is an instinctual response to the environment and circumstances. His manipulation is not intentional. He has very little control of himself in the end. Its why Mind talks about claiming to relish entropy yet clearly needing help. But, Heart in earnest wants them to be okay and safe. He believes that Mind's control will drain the life from them. It will make things monotonous and the same. Too much order.

Mind in turn, believes Heart is manipulative with intention. He wants to control Soul or wants to just drag them all down with him into this depressive state. Mind is logic, he is the reasoning out of your emotional instinct. Your inner critique, and when unchecked, that inner critique goes from a guiding hand for your emotion to one that debates and bullies it. Invalidating its responses. Ultimately, though. Mind just believes he is helping. He is doing what must be done and telling the "hard truths" to Heart. And that Heart is being the petty child. Which- I mean. Sort of sure. But Mind is definitely fucking petty and childish. He's stubborn! Prideful! So ofc he is. Admitting you're wrong? No.. why would he EVER do that.. nuh uh.

Which is what makes Light so crucial. Mind asking Heart for help- but also. There is Soul.

Who while ambiguous in purpose, is mostly that background voice. Your inner narration. If Mind is Logic and Reason then Heart is Emotion and Instinct,, Soul is all that lives between it. And he is constantly silenced or spoken over or around. He does not get a word in edgewise until TSE. He may show up in the background occasionally but as much as Heart and Mind claim to want to keep him alive and help him, they also fail to actually acknowledge what he says.

Which is that they both are right and wrong. That this fighting is doing directly what they both feared it would. Soul is desperate by the end. He is angry and resentful because.. well. Self hatred due to intense self awareness and reflection is rather ig. Common. Im not a professional here but from personal experience, you get so tired of rehashing the same shit with yourself over and over. It all feels pointless.

The only out, by the end of it all to Soul is that if they cannot be Whole, whats the point? He is desperate. He does not want to die but he feels theres no other solution.

And. About Whole, Soul throughout the album seems to want that. At the beginning, to be Whole or Harmonious is to be mentally healthy, maybe even "normal" by society's standards. To be able to put a mask over your problems and be, again, "normal". It takes the entire album for Soul to realize that this:

1. isnt possible

And

2. There isn't anything evil or wrong with him for that.

Mental health is a struggle. But you are not evil and should not be othered because you struggle. You also do not need to be fixed for being a little different and people's opinion of you is not what matters most so long as you are happy (and not hurting others. Lol).

Thats what Two Wuv is entirely about as a song. Its a "fuck you. Fuck this! I thought I needed to be this! But I DON'T. Stop telling me who I am! How to be! I'm gonna be me!"

His entire arc is parallel to Heart and Mind's and is crucial in the culmination of becoming yourself again and accepting yourself.

But, as mental health will always be, this period of respite and self acceptance is not always forever. And as life continues or as you lapse back into a depressive episode.. you cannot help but forget what it is like when you're not this way- and hell! Vice versa too! Some people have this disconnect between the periods. Where the things from the depressive state seem dramatic or obtuse to you while you are doing better. And from the other end, you just want to be happy again.. but you get so lost in it all you can struggle to feel like you've ever been happy.

The album is about the human experience. It is about self-sabotage, mental illness, self-hatred and reflection and it is, maybe more importantly about self-acceptance and healing. Having a bit of mercy on yourself. Accepting that you are imperfect and that this is okay. And whatever flaws you may have that need to be mended or worked on, can be. And that who you are, for example, if you are queer, is okay. And no one has the right to take that identity from you! That the internalized ideas of how someone should be are not always correct or right. Not for you, at least. Stuff like that.

[shadewood45]

Comedy and Correl [from @disruptivevoib!]

#shady art #chonny jash #c4chatroom #cjverse chatroom #shade’s friends’ characters #@disruptivevoib #their patterning is still really fun i love them dearly its stupid

[shadewood45]

The Mind and Heart from my own AU Glass Houses [that I've yet to share here as well] and Blot from Little Remedies [Q-ott's guy but the AU itself is @kelpo-art's and Q-ott's!]

#shady art #chonny jash #c4chatroom #cjverse chatroom #shade’s friends’ characters #qott

[shadewood45]

Locke Soul and Azzurro [@keruukat and Q-ott's guy]

#shady art #chonny jash #c4chatroom #cjverse chatroom #shade’s friends’ characters #@keruukat #qott

[shadewood45]

I don't recall if I ever posted about the Acceded AU on here or not, I know that @keruukat has mentioned them in passing in talking about Azzurro

This is a fusion of Rosso and Azzurro [who belongs to @keruukat and Q-ott], the "Soul" and "Mind" from it.

#shady art #chonny jash #c4chatroom #cjverse chatroom #shade’s friends’ characters #@keruukat #qott

[shadewood45]

Sand [Another Mind of @nitroish's] and Tragedy!

#shady art #chonny jash #c4chatroom #cjverse chatroom #shade’s friends’ characters #@nitroish #both love and hate this one ngl; like its cool but i think i couldve done it better

[shadewood45]

Got a moth from someone on Toyhou.se for free and had fun making it a full design for an Minecraft Origins World

#shady art #moth

[shadewood45]

Locke Heart and Damascus [One of @nitroish's Minds!]

#shady art #chonny jash #c4chatroom #cjverse chatroom #shade’s friends’ characters #@nitroish #look i still like this design; if only theyre both fucked up and the glowy looks so fucking cool with them both

[shadewood45]

Another one of that species that my partner made and I now own :)

#shady art #i did in fact instantly pay full price for her the second they posted it up for sale jkfasd

[shadewood45]

Because Eli's based on Elias Bouchard I had to make the stupid pipe murder joke dfsjhkj. Wish I'd actually posted this around Valentines Day

#shady art #valentines day card

[shadewood45]

Amp [from @keruukat] and my Lost Identity guys, Comedy [Heart] and Tragedy [Mind]

#shady art #chonny jash #c4chatroom #cjverse chatroom #shade’s friends’ characters #@keruukat #okay now technically they would make a whole outta this being 3/3 but fuck you fusions your guys

[shadewood45]

Got into a species a friends a part of, and was told I could base off media characters so enjoy this furry Elias Bouchard [from The Magnus Archives]

#shady art

[shadewood45]

A return of The Playwright! Or is it?

A Stranger version of The Playwright I made on a whim but now I don't remember what made me want to do it. Not canon to their story at all but it was interesting to play with!

#shady art #the magnus archives #tma au

[shadewood45]

Locke Heart and Tune [from @keruukat!]

#shady art #chonny jash #c4chatroom #cjverse chatroom #shade’s friends’ characters #@keruukat

[shadewood45]

Garrett! Also from that TMA world. Still not decided his alignment actually, I'm messing with what others haven't messed with yet.

#shady art #the magnus archives #tma au #smoking

[shadewood45]

Uh, the TMA world but I made the OG Elias live? Dark aligned to avoid The Eye.

#shady art #the magnus archives #tma au #yeah i just grabbed the stoner and ran #he has no eyes sorry #smoking