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three days a week i have 3 hours between my day job & my night job. my favorite thing lately has been to go home, order food, smoke, nap , then go to work. today i am trying to break that cycle so i went and had an acai berry bowl. i passed a lot of my favorite drive thrus on the way home and at each one i convinced myself my berry bowl wouldn’t fill me so i was like ‘i could juuust get a mcChicken, and maybe a pie’ or ‘maybe ill just order the sandwich without the fries or drink’ and i drove past all of them and made it home. lo and behold, my berry bowl DID fill me, and im gonna do a little baby workout before work :) i have been in a vicious binge cycle for almost two years so this may not seem like a lot but its a huge victory for me :)

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my roommate can lose weight. my brother can lose weight. the girl i shared a room with in rehab can lose weight. my MOTHER can lose weight. what am i missing ?? why not me ??

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i auditioned for over 20 acting jobs this summer & got rejected from every single one. i was ready to give up on theatre forever & live in my van but the principal of the school i’m a teaching assistant at asked me today if id be interested in being their full time theatre teacher & drama director. i really made my peace with doing the the van life thing but i could teach theatre for a year & then go? that would be four years in my hometown & im worried ill go crazy. but also i would save a shit ton of money & could travel full time for way longer when the year is done? there’s so many pros & cons to each side & i have no idea what to do. but i think im going to apply for the job tomorrow.

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there’s this girl i work with who is so sweet and nice and she’s just a tiny thing & was talking about how she’s a binge eater and chips are her weakness, etc etc while im literally in a binge cycle rn and eating dinner rolls and protein bars in the walk in where no one can see

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honestly tho let me put you all on canned chicken bc it is so cheap, it’s very little food, and one can is 110 cals but also 22g of protein? i just heat mine up in a pan with some garlic & onion powder and it’s fine? i mean it’s not amazing, but you can put it in wraps, on salads, or if you’re chronically running late like me, you can just eat it right out of the pan. CANNED CHICKEN everyone, she’s the mvp (canned tuna too)

barista forgot to give me my breakfast sandwich today. taking it as a sign to go get some canned chicken and veggies from the store instead

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barista forgot to give me my breakfast sandwich today. taking it as a sign to go get some canned chicken and veggies from the store instead

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working my bartending shift and there’s one table left in the restaurant and they are absolutely hammered and all they’re talking about is their weights and how hot they were at their lower weight and how ‘215 is great for a man but giant for a woman’ and i’m standing here like a fucking idiot bringing them white wine that they skipped dinner to drink. it’s dark

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does someone wanna tell me why my stupid ass bought 4 boxes of girl scout cookies months ago that just got delivered today. like what was i thinking ???

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hey siri how do i ask my dad to pay me back for a lifetime of neglect by loaning me 4000 dollars to buy a van

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i’ve had three rejections from my auditions this week. not even advanced to the second round. starting to worry everyone who ever called me talented is a liar. trying to handle the rejection positively. wrote a song. gonna start working out again.

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spent all of yesterday puking & hungover in bed from a crazy night out on saturday. i popped some blood vessels around my eyes & it really took me back to my mia era in college (not a good time at all & so not worth it) i just took a long shower & did all my skin care and everything & i feel like ive come back to life! & i hit a new LW! only by a few ounces but it was definitely a shock as my workouts had been sporadic & i’ve been horrible abt tracking my cals. so it was a nice surprise!

#⭐️rve #⭐️ving #@n0r3xia #🕯️as a 🪶 #lose weight #ana trigger #disordered eating thoughts #tw ed diet #ed vent

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went off the deep end this week but i’m back! i always get so ill & süicidâl during my period so i have to become a recluse for my own safety lol

doing a 40 minute bike ride before work! i’m thinking of incorporating some an workouts into my daily routine so im not just doing cardio all the time, and my tummy is by far the biggest part of my body

#⭐️rve #⭐️ving #@n0r3xia #🕯️as a 🪶 #lose weight #ana trigger #disordered eating thoughts #tw ed diet #ed vent

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happy tuesday everyone i had a HORRIBLE day & im starting my period and my boobs hurt & im SO SAD & i napped away my whole afternoon so i washed my car (god tier self care honestly) & now i’m getting cheese curds & a strawberry shake from DQ bc my hormones are louder than my ED today & they want snacks

#⭐️rve #⭐️ving #@n0r3xia #🕯️as a 🪶 #lose weight #ana trigger #disordered eating thoughts #tw ed diet #ed vent

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currently on a weekend away to visit some college friends & see some shows. haven’t been paying too much attention to what i’m eating , but i think im doing okay! we’ve been doing lots of drinking & other recreational activities , so my appetite has been low,and we went on a hike today too! (an unexpected one- i wore my fucking birkenstock slippers to go trudging through snow & mud. did not end well 😬) gonna go see one of my fave musicals live & hit a couple parties after that. i’m excited! i just thrifted an outfit & its gonna be iconic

#⭐️rve #⭐️ving #@n0r3xia #🕯️as a 🪶 #lose weight #ana trigger #disordered eating thoughts #tw ed diet #ed vent

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yall this week kicked my ASS i have been exhausted & run ragged but i also worked out every single day this week & stayed under my cal limit every day (except yesterday when i ate chipotle for dinner & i won’t apologize for that) im biking for 40 minutes before work & it just feels good to know that im slowly accomplishing goals :) my life feels like it’s in shambles rn but in terms of nutrtition & fitness, i’m doing okay!

#⭐️rve #⭐️ving #@n0r3xia #🕯️as a 🪶 #lose weight #ana trigger #disordered eating thoughts #tw ed diet #ed vent

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i ate half my chicken i made, a protein shake, and a redbull and now my stomach feels so bloated. gonna try to not eat for the rest of my shift bc my roomie is making burrito bowls for dinner & he’s gonna make me one & i can’t tell him no but it’ll prob be 800 ish cals so im just sticking to water for the rest of my shift.

my day is still not great, i’m just so tired & i have this headache that won’t go away but i biked for 45 minutes before work & got stoned in the walk in cooler so im ready for a slow night

#⭐️rve #⭐️ving #@n0r3xia #🕯️as a 🪶 #lose weight #ana trigger #disordered eating thoughts #tw ed diet #ed vent

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ok i got my oil changed, i got a new vape, i went to the grocery store for lunch , i REALLY wanted a donut like so badly but i resisted <3 i got some chicken to make for lunch, a bell pepper to snack on before i workout, and some blueberries & a protein bar to take to work with me! pretty proud of me for not getting a ✨little treat✨ & i think it’ll be good to have snacks at work so im not ordering food or eating dinner rolls & after dinner mints all night (someone put them on the bar for customers & i swear i eat more than they do) gonna take my meds & workout & hope that puts me in a better mood bc i am struuuuuuggling today

#⭐️rve #⭐️ving #@n0r3xia #🕯️as a 🪶 #lose weight #ana trigger #disordered eating thoughts #tw ed diet #ed vent