suckmyskinnyballsmia

[suckmyskinnyballsmia]

Love you guys 💖

Nighty night

[suckmyskinnyballsmia]

Ok ok I’m going to sleep

[suckmyskinnyballsmia]

What if I’m a monster.?

Does everyone hate me?

[suckmyskinnyballsmia]

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep

My eyes are bugging out

[suckmyskinnyballsmia]

MAJOR TW ⚠️ death and cancer

I’m scared guys

Like I’m actually kinda scared. What if I do have something serious going on and it’s not just this chronic illness being a bitch.

(Ik chronic illnesses are serious, I have one, I just mean like something that is going to kill me like tomorrow or something)

Like cancer runs in my family on both sides. And what if I do have a tumor or something. I mean my cousin who is 26 was diagnosed with thyroid cancer just last year… and one of my little cousins in my other side has had leukemia on and off for years. My grandfather died from cancer when he was in his early 40s, my nuna had 2 different cancers (she beat them both) and on my mother’s side my great grandmother died of stomach cancer. My great grandfather had some type of cancer…

And now some family friends have cancer… it’s like everywhere I look there’s cancer.

I’m actually scared. I don’t wanna die like this. I’m in pain 24/7 I just can’t take it anymore, but the stress of possibly having something more than my chronic illness…

It’s scary.

#ash’s stuff ? #french toast #tw death #tw cancer #tw health #i’m scared

[suckmyskinnyballsmia]

Tw ⚠️ uterus talk/me complaining

I have no one to talk to.

And the ones that do want to talk to me are cis het males that at one point wanted to have sex with me… so I don’t think they’d be comfortable talking about my uterus 😫

#ash’s stuff ? #french toast

[suckmyskinnyballsmia]

Guys it’s my time to put this out there again…

i hate timothy chalamet. not even being a contrarian i genuinely find him visually repugnant and he can't act for shit and worst of all he's smug because his career took off so early. if i saw him in real life i would shave him bald

#idk man #medieval shoe meme #timothée chalamet

[suckmyskinnyballsmia]

Shout out to the Violet Carpenter bees with their iridescent wings

(Source: The John Russell Honey Company)

[suckmyskinnyballsmia]

Really happy to see this at my local library

[suckmyskinnyballsmia]

SUPPORT BLACK SEX WORKERS.

[suckmyskinnyballsmia]

[suckmyskinnyballsmia]

i want a close knit forged family of people who understand & love me wholeheartedly & we all ride or die for each other & are basically inseparable, but alas. i am not human & i'm pathologically incapable of forming close relationships or connecting with people or letting anyone through this thick skin i've forgotten how to shed

[suckmyskinnyballsmia]

FOUND family??? you think i just found them like this??? babes this is FORGED family. Me & the bros were scrap metal in a junkyard (very valuable, very sharp, very dangerous, uncared for) and we GOT IN THE FUCKING FIRE TOGETHER. WE did this. we said I AM NOT LEAVING YOU and melted into each other for better or for worse (it’s for better) and we are A FUNCTIONAL UNIT now. DO NOT SEPARATE. BATTERIES FUCKING INCLUDED. FOUND family my ass, we built this non-nuclear family unit from the ground up, don’t devalue this!!! it was is and will be a labour of love!!!

[suckmyskinnyballsmia]

If Aphrodite had stomach rolls then so can I

[suckmyskinnyballsmia]

Tw ⚠️ hospital testing

Guys I’m actually freaking out about like that mri test being stopped to me getting asked all those questions about pregnancy.

But I got the results back and it says everything is normal…

Idk?

Why would they stop the test and question me with pointed questions and then restart the test if they didn’t see anything.

Am I pregnant?

Like what is happening

#ash’s stuff ? #french toast

[suckmyskinnyballsmia]

My legs literally feel like noodles. I just got out of the hospital in Philly and now I am driving to the hospital in Danville.

(A lot of hospitals for 1 day)

This didn’t post I was going through like a bad service area

#ash’s stuff ? #french toast

[suckmyskinnyballsmia]

Tw ⚠️ hospital/tests/anxiety/pregnancy (mri)

Guys

Guys

Guys

I’m terrified

I was in the MRI machine hooked up and started with the scan and I hear on the speaker the nice lady tell me that she’s gunna be right in.

I’m like umm ok didn’t we just start???

She comes in the room and asks “are you sure you’re not pregnant?”

And I’m like “ummmm I think so?”

And she goes “when was your last period ?”

And I tell her

And she goes “so your due for another one soon”

And I was like ig

And she goes “have you had intercourse since your last period?”

And I’m flipping out at this point because omg am I pregnant or like is there a tumor in my uterus or something

And I answer yes

And she goes “are you on birth control?”

I said no

And she goes “did he wear protection ??”

And I said yea (and at this point I’m crying, because I’m already anxious over this mri and now I might be pregnant)

And she dries my tears and says ok, then puts me back in the machine and says “just breathe deep breaths till you get the commands and we start over again”

And then we start and I’m like ok

And then I’m out of the machine like 45 minutes later

And I feel like shit

And she doesn’t mention pregnancy or anything and I’m like hmmm

But she can’t tell me anything she sees anyway because she’s not my doctor. But damn I am scared.

Anyway now I’m headed 2 hours to the next hospital.

#ash’s stuff ? #french toast #tw hospital #cw vent