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zanyalpacajellyfish-blog · 5 years

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Billy Hargrove - A Conversation

TW: Mentions of abuse and mental health. Do not read if reflections of behaviors by victims of abuse are triggering. If you are in an abusive situation and need to get help - contact social services in your area and call the police. Before you do so takes step to ensure you will be safe after the report is placed. Reach out to family or friends you trust and ask for help. You are not alone and deserve safety. If anyone reads this please link abuse hotlines below for your area.

US - Call: +1(800)7997233, Website: https://www.thehotline.org/

UK - Call: 0808 2000 247, Website:http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/

Hi!

I’m making this post to talk about Billy Hargrove from Stranger Things and his mental reaction to obvious trauma. As an emotional abuse victim myself, and a extensive reader on the subject of trauma I am aware of the reactions persons can take to abuse. Billy Hargrove became abusive himself, and I want to explain why. I also want to explain why I hope he gets some sort of redemption - not complete, I do not want him to be excused of his past actions, I merely wish that this post might help some understand how abuse can affect a person, and help explain why people want him to be redeemed in any form.

Abuse survivors suffer from extreme trauma. Usually this trauma is accompanied with dissociation and trauma coping strategies. Victims of abuse can experience dissociative disorders after the fact, ranging from extreme anxiety, to eating disorders, to PTSD, and in extreme cases anti-social personality disorders and disorders such as Dissociative Identity Disorder (formally known as Multiple Personality Disorder - and in addition please do not use said term due to it’s outdated nature.)

When a person experiences trauma the brain is overloaded in such an extreme fashion that said person cannot function normally. In most cases the trauma causes memory lose - mainly due to the fact that your brains works as a filing cabinet of softs, and when a memory cannot be filed away properly, it swims around the brain timeless and awaiting a trigger (this relates to flashbacks). In other cases, the memory is repressed for the persons own protection. It is the way that we protect ourselves. In rare cases, a disorder is developed (DID can only be developed in adolescents, not in adults) when another personality (alter) is formed to handle the trauma. These alters can take many forms - and range from protective alters, child alters, or persecutor alters.

Just a note before I begin: Almost all abuse victims do NOT want to inflict the pain they have been though on others consciously. It is not on purpose.

Billy is an abuse victim. This does not excuse his actions but it does help us understand why his behaviour is as such. Some abuse victims mimic their abuser as a way to both take control over their life and put themselves in toxic situations. There is something Billy says in Season two which was a huge point for me: “No one tells me what to do.”. This may seem insignificant to some but it shows just how afraid Billy is of letting anyone get close enough to him to hurt him. It is easier to preemptively hurt someone and scare them aware then give yourself even the slightest opportunity to get hurt. I reckon he does this as a reaction to his abuse. Most abuse victims engage in this type of behaviour. Sometimes it is violent and other times it is small actions. Example: not being able to focus during revision for a test - procrastination is a way that we avoid failure by not trying at all; you can’t loose a race you never run.

Billy is also extremely controlling on Max. This is deplorable but is quite obviously a method of self-protection. Billy is aware that is Max does not bends to the house rules Billy will be the one getting punished. Lets analysis the night he beats up Steve. Let me repeat again, I am in no way excusing Billy’s behaviour - just explaining. Billy was preparing for a date, Max left the house and Neil came home to find her gone. He pushed Billy against the wall and verbally abused him, and well as psychically threatened him. Billy was then tasked with retrieving Max. Now, for a second, imagine you are in that situation. The absolute fear you would feel, knowing that if you did not succeed what was waiting for you was hurt from your father. It is terrifying. Then, Billy arrives at the house and Steve greets him outside. He sees Max is inside. Objectively, an older boy in the house with a young, innocent girl is not a good look. Billy gets triggered, he is already stressed and now he suspects something bad is at play. So when Billy sees Steve, quote "My thirteen year old sister goes missing all day I find her with you in a stranger's house and you lie to me about it" - he gets stress over the stress he already has. This is already a volatile situation. Then Billy enters the house to find Lucas and the other boys there. Now, I can’t say why Billy hates Lucas (Racism? Racism of Neil? Max and Lucas fighting as a first impression? Other?) - though is most likely has to do with Racism - but Billy hates Lucas. And seeing him in this situation is a catalyst for a bad time. So Billy is stressed, he knows he needs to get Max home, but he has a lot of obstacles. Billy grew up in an abusive home, his coping strategies start and end with fists and yelling. So he screams and fights. When is starts to punch Steve he isn’t angry at only Steve, his anger, upset, frustration stem from an extremely dark and deep place. Again, this does not excuse it, but I just wish people would understand.

I want Billy to have some type of redemption. It doesn’t have to be a Steve turnaround, that would be unrealistic and bad writing. But just a fraction of trying from him, his father getting punished in any form. I would love to see a kinship between him and Eleven - both suffers of abuse at the hands of awful Fathers. I would love to see his reaction to the abuse modify, from anger to sadness, or anxiety, or mania, or anything that isn’t just “Billy is monster awful human being”. I don’t believe in good or bad but Billy isn’t a good person or a bad person. People don’t come in specific molds and they don’t deserve to be portrayed in a way that only says that abuse victims become their abusers. I’m not mine. And I hope Billy will not become his.

Trauma is a complicated situation. Billy has suffered great pain and has reacted by hurting others the way his father hurts him. I hope Stranger Things 3 reflects my wishes in any form - I know Billy will become infected but I want some type of acknowledgement of his abuse. I want hope for abuse sufferers.

Thank you for reading this - it was written quickly so I apologize for any mistakes and am open to engage in further discussion over this topic in the comments, through questions, or in a private chatroom.

#billy hargrove #stranger things #stranger things 2 #st2 #billy #hargrove

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