#( ive got two weeks of the season for second job and ill finally start getting to stuff )

[trailblczer]

this fucking dumbass

#( i love he's literally the embodiment of intrusive thoughts ) #( ive got two weeks of the season for second job and ill finally start getting to stuff ) #╰┈➤ 🐺 ❝ [ ​​​​​​​​​​​ꜱᴏʟᴇᴍɴ ʜᴏᴡʟꜱ​.​ ] ... || ooc. #;; hrs.

[iamrealbuilder]

Bill Buchalter interview

Bill Buchalter was a level designer for Sunstorm Interactive. He’s worked on 3 official add-on of Build Engine games: Cryptic Passage for Blood, Suckin’ Grits On Route 66 for Redneck Rampage, Caribbean Life for Duke Nukem 3D. Interview, November 2020: Corentin: Can you introduce yourself?

Bill Buchalter: My name is Bill Buchalter. I’m an avid gamer of all kinds – video games, board games, and especially tabletop RPGs. I’m currently a freelance writer for AAW Games (Adventure A Week Games) writing mini adventures for Dungeons & Dragons 5E. I live outside Indianapolis, IN with my wife Jane, our three kids, and our dog Roxi. When I’m not gaming, I also enjoy music, playing guitar, hiking, and camping.

C: With Sunstorm Interactive, you're credited for level design on Cryptic Passage, Caribbean Life and Route 66. How did you start working with Sunstorm and what do you remember from that time?

BB: In the mid 90’s, maybe around 1995 or 96, I was very into playing Duke Nukem 3D. Like most PC gamers at the time, I had played Castle Wolfenstein and Doom, and Duke Nukem just blew me away. Back in those days, when we played online, we would use a 3rd party program called KALI. You dialed up on your modem, logged onto the internet, and then used KALI as a portal to chat with other gamers and find someone to play with. The KALI software would then allow you to network together over the internet and play PVP matches. It was crude, and the lag could be horrible, but we didn’t know any better at the time and we loved it!

I remember I was in a B. Dalton bookstore in the mall one day (another relic of the 90’s that is long gone!) when I found a book called the “Duke Nukem 3D Level Design Handbook”. I was intrigued, and as I flipped through the pages it talked about a program on the Duke Nukem CD called Build, which allowed you to create your own levels. I had no idea Build existed, let alone how to use it. I bought the book and spent the next couple weeks diving into learning how to use Build. I was hooked!

Making my own maps quickly became an obsession. I would share them with my friends on KALI and I quickly earned a reputation for making user maps. I remember there was a map building competition, but I don’t recall who sponsored it. A guy named Robert Travis won the competition. When I saw his maps, I was blown away! His designs were so much more advanced than mine. He was using tricks I had never thought of to get lighting effects and set moods. I had to reach out to him to pick his brain.

Robert responded and we began talking and quickly figured out that we both lived in Indianapolis. He was working for Sunstorm at the time and invited me to come to their office to discuss level design. I met him there one evening, and he showed me some of the stuff he was working on. We ended up playing Duke all night on Sunstorm’s network with some of the other guys in the office. I was in heaven!

Robert introduced me to Anthony Campiti, the lead producer on Sunstorm’s next project – Cryptic Passage, an add-on for a Build engine game called Blood. They invited me to design some levels for the game and I jumped at the chance. Robert assigned me to design an opera house level and immediately I got pictures in my head of the theater scenes from Interview with a Vampire. I went home and worked furiously on designing the level. I was still rough, but with Robert’s help I tweaked things here and there and slowly learned his techniques. In the end I was really pleased with the level I’d designed. Robert and Anthony were happy too and asked me to design a second map specifically for deathmatch.

The next project Sunstorm was working on was Suckin’ Grits on Route 66, an add-on for another Build engine game called Redneck Rampage. Robert again asked if I’d like to be a part of that team and assigned me to build a truck stop level. Using a lot of the things I’d learned on Cryptic Passage, and the campy feel of the Redneck Rampage game, I had a lot of fun designing that level.

The last project I worked on for Sunstorm was Duke Nukem Caribbean Vacation. By this time Duke’s popularity was beginning to wane, and Quake was taking over. Robert was already starting to experiment and learn how to use the Quake engine. I was a new dad at the time (my first daughter had just been born) so unfortunately, I didn’t have the spare time to devote to learning a new engine. I barely had the time to design my level for Duke Caribbean, but I did manage to finish the casino level for that project. I do recall that Robert ended up going through in the end and changing a lot of the aspects of my level to fit the theme they had in mind. I remember being a bit disappointed and not really feeling like the level was “mine” because of so many of the changes. It was the last project I worked on for Sunstorm.

I kept in touch with Robert and Anthony for a while after that. They were branching out, working on other projects, and even trying to develop their own FPS game that I don’t think ever really got off the ground. Sunstorm was having the most success with their Deer Hunter line of games that at the time were selling well in Wal-Mart. Sadly, I eventually just lost touch with those guys.

I’m sure this is WAY more information than you were wanting (I’m a writer… I can’t help but go off the deep end!) but you dusted off some fond, old memories for me, so I apologize for walking so far down memory lane!

C: I see that you're still making maps, different kind of maps! This makes me wonder if maybe you were involved with W!Zone (a pack of maps for Warcraft 2 released by Sunstorm). Can you tell us a bit about that if possible?

BB: I didn’t have any hand in the W!Zone project for Sunstorm, but I loved the Warcraft series. As was common for many video gamers like me, who had roots in fantasy games like D&D, I played a lot of Warcraft and eventually got sucked into the world of MMOs with Ultima Online, Everquest, and World of Warcraft! If only I had back the time I sunk into those games!

These days I’m exclusively writing and designing for Dungeons and Dragons. I started about ten years ago writing for D&D Organized Play in a campaign called Living Forgotten Realms. I co-authored two adventures for that with my good friend, Michael Pearman, and authored a third adventure on my own. As you know from tracking me down via AAW Games, I’ve now authored six adventures for them, five of which are already published and one that is still in the works but should be released soon.

When I do manage to find time for video games, Diablo III is my game of choice these days. I’m looking forward to Season 22 starting here shortly, and like many others, I’m really hoping for something great with Diablo IV. I’ve been a huge fan of the series since the beginning, and even wrote an entire campaign for D&D 5E that translated the story of Diablo III into Dungeons and Dragons for the players in my home game! Thanks again for the opportunity to share some of this history. It was fun putting it all down and reliving those days!

C: There are two signatures in the Truck Stop level for Route 66. Do you remember anything about that ? There also several levels with no known credit : Fun Park, House of ill Repute, Mystery Dino Cave, Bigfoot Convention.

The signature on the truck stop is Route 66 was a joke! I was the only designer on that one. I just signed it "Billy Joe Jim Bob Buchalter" as a joke for bad redneck name. I wasn't the kind of guy that had to sign my maps the EXACT same way every time. :)

Other than the truck stop, I don't recall designing any other maps for Route 66. I pretty sure none of those you listed below were mine, but I don't recall whose they were.

Finally, here are some final comments Bill made after reading through some forum posts:

Wow, I am really quite humbled that you guys looked so deeply into my work! The fact that you could recognize my build style is pretty cool - I didn't even know I had a style! LOL. The truth be told, the reason you probably had so much trouble telling my levels from Robert's is because he was a big influence on me. I learned a lot from him and incorporated a lot of that into the stuff I built.

Its funny how reading through that thread you linked brought back memories... I remember now that my biggest disappointment from Duke Caribbean was that my only level in the game ended up being a secret level - that some people wouldn't even find it or ever play it. I was actually pretty excited about that level. I was the one that suggested a casino because my folks had retired to Vegas, so I'd been in a lot of the casinos there and had some great ideas for the map. I'd forgotten all about the restaurant I worked into it, and the big fish tanks.

There seems to be some debate about Robert. From what I remember, he was a really good guy. Maybe a bit tough to work for, but only because he really strived for our designs to be the best they could be, and he demanded that of both himself and the other designers. As I said before, I learned early on to accept criticism and critique and not take it personally. It was just Robert doing his job. I'll be the first to admit that I designed better levels thanks to the stuff I learned from Robert.

Someone on the message board made a very astute comment, basically to the effect that "Bill had to have other work out there. Sunstorm wouldn't hire an unproven guy off the street." But truth be told, that's exactly what they did! I hadn't done a single thing before working there. But I think a few things played in my favor. First, I lived in Indy, just 15 minutes from their office, so it was easy for me to go in and work directly with Robert. Second, while I didn't have anything officially published, I did have a disk full of the maps I'd designed on my own, and Robert thought I showed promise. I would design at home a lot, then go into the office a couple times a week and sit with Robert while he critiqued my work and offered advice on how to improve it.

I'll be honest - I'm blown away at the number of people STILL playing these old maps we made so many years ago. I watched a couple YouTube videos of a guy playing and reviewing Duke Caribbean and Blood Cryptic Passage. His high praise of both Full House and the Opera House really made my day. It's nice to know that people enjoyed my work.

_____________________________

Thanks a lot to Bill Buchalter for taking the time to answer these questions! Thanks also for sharing... “Big City” !

A Duke Nukem 3D map he created back in the day before joining with Sunstorm Interactive which was never released before! Screenshot:

Map download:

https://msdn.duke4.net/bigcity.zip

______

External link: Duke4 forum blog megathread: https://forums.duke4.net/topic/11471-blog-interviews-of-build-engine-video-games-developers/page__pid__353013#entry353013 The forum posts Bill read, mentionned above, can be found here: https://forums.duke4.net/topic/9418-duke-caribbean-multiplayer-levels/

#build #build-engine #blood #duke nukem #redneck-rampage #duke #nukem #duke nukem 3D #video games #route 66 #caribbean life #cryptic passage

[jenroseyokel]

Awesome of the Year 2018: The Books

Happy New Year! ‘Tis the season for year end lists left and right as we attempt to figure out the best of everything from 2018. And of course, as a fan of books, music, and movies, it’s only right to get in on the list-making. Over the next week or so, I’ll be sharing my 2018 favorite lists. First up: books! This year, I set my Goodreads reading challenge at 40 books, and actually passed it. I’ve been setting arbitrary book goals for years, but I’m pretty sure this is the first time I’ve succeeded since 2007. Probably because of all the graphic novels and comic trades I read this year WHICH TOTALLY COUNT BTW. Ahem. Anyway. This isn’t really a best of 2018 list so much as a Here’s a Bunch of Books I Really Liked in 2018 list, split up into categories. I hope you’ll find something interesting here, especially if you’re looking for ways to spend bookstore or Amazon gift cards you got for Christmas… ;)

Newish Books by Rad Christian Women:

Every Arbitrary Book Goal should have a small correlated goal attached. This year mine was to make sure I read at least 50% women authors… and there have been a lot of GREAT new books from women writers in the past few years. If the “Christian women” section of your local bookstore makes you cringe a little inside too, check out these three wonderful books, all released in the past couple years:

Courage, Dear Heart by Rebecca K. Reynolds (NavPress, 2018)

Anyone who has read Rebecca’s writing knows she needed to write a book. She has a sharp mind, a poet's soul, a scientist's eye, and the most beautiful, tender heart. Also, she's an incredible writer who loves her readers with a love that radiates off every page. Buy a copy for everyone you know.

Wearing God by Lauren F. Winner (HarperOne, 2017) Girl Meets God was a formative book in my early 20s, and I’ve always meant to read more from this author, but somehow haven't. I finally picked up this one and oh man, for a solid month afterward I couldn’t stop thinking about it. With the eye of a scholar and the heart of a poet, Winner draws on personal stories, deep Biblical study, and a love of language to explore lesser known metaphors for God. Liturgy of the Ordinary by Tish Harrison Warren (InterVarsity Press, 2016)

Several years ago, James K.A. Smith’s Desiring the Kingdom helped me see liturgy in a new way, as not just religious practice, but the embedded routines that shape us. In this book, Tish Warren brings that idea to life as she walks through an ordinary day explores the holiness in our most mundane moments of living. You may not look at brushing your teeth or losing your keys the same way again.

Good Stories

This year, fiction reading was… all over the place? I don’t know if I read much that was OMG amazing, but here are a few that were fun…

The Fairyland Series 2-5 by Catherynne M. Valente (Feiwel & Friends, 2012-2015)

I am notoriously awful at finishing book series. I read the first Fairyland book maybe… two years ago? Yikes. Just finished the last one and wow, so fun. Colorful characters, a whimsical narrator, crazy locations, and a whole lot of heart make this Victorian fairytale meets contemporary fantasy a delight to read. 

Til We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis (Harcourt, 1956)

Lewis’ contemporary retelling of the Cupid and Pschye myth through the eyes of Psyche’s jealous sister Orual. Second read for me, and even better this time around. Pretty sure this is Lewis’ storytelling at his best.

Strange Practice by Vivian Shaw (Orbit, 2017)

This was a year to embrace fun, nerdy reads. So there was the Star Trek spoof Redshirts (with a plot twist I totally saw coming... and I am not good at guessing plot twists) and my first trip into the Star Wars extended book universe (or whatever the heck they call it these days) and… this. A story about a doctor for the undead in London, trying to solve the mysteries surrounding a murderous cult and keep her monster friends safe. Not the greatest, but a fun Halloween read. I’ll get to the sequel eventually. (See also: bad at finishing book series.)

Poetry for Everyone 

Another new reading practice this year: always keeping a poetry book on the bedside table. Poetry books are best for leisurely dipping in and out rather than reading cover to cover. If you think poetry is only for the ivory towers, give these writers a try and think again.

A Child's Year by Christopher Yokel (Independent, 2018)

Okay, I’m biased here, but hey! Chris quietly released a new poetry book into the world this fall, and I’m a big fan of Chris AND his poems. A Child’s Year is a season cycle, sort of like his last book A Year in Weetamoo Woods, but this time it’s anchored by a four part poem recalling the journey of seasons through childhood eyes. And according to our friend Kirsten’s 7-year-old son, he gets the experience right. ;) 

The Jubilee by John Blase (Bright Coppers Press, 2017) For his 50th birthday, John Blase released his first poetry book, with a poem for every year of life. It’s rare for me to make it through an entire collection start to finish but these were just so good. There are poems about aging — the author’s and his parents’ — and poems that evoke wide spaces and natural wonder. There are psalms and parables, and meditations on dying and, yes, living. All of them finely tuned with wisdom, gentle grace, and a touch of humor in all the right places. How I Discovered Poetry by Marilyn Nelson (Dial Books, 2014)

When I heard Marilyn Nelson read her poem “Thirteen-Year-Old American Negro Girl” on the On Being podcast, I was captivated. And when I found this lovely hardcover in a used bookstore back home in Florida, I knew I needed to read more. This is a memoir in poetry about growing up in a black military family during the American Civil Rights era, told with gentle lyricism, warmth, and humor. Plus, the book itself is lovely with whimsical illustrations and family photos.

Comics!

I’m always on a quest to get more comics in my life. Plus knocking out a whole series in a couple weeks is a solid way to pad out your Arbitrary Book Goal.

Amulet 1-7 by Kazu Kibuishi (Graphix, 2008-2016)

After their father’s tragic death, Emily and Navin move with their mom to a strange old house that belonged to their great-grandfather… and so the adventure begins. In this fantasy series, the two kids find themselves in an underground world of demons, robots, talking animals, and a dangerous and powerful Amulet. A captivating and beautifully illustrated fantasy tale. Ms. Marvel 1-5 by G. Willow Wilson (Marvel, 2014-2016)

Y’all, I super want to be a Marvel nerd. But alas, I can't keep up, so I get my sister to loan books to me. Ms. Marvel is my new fave. A Pakistani-American girl from Jersey City has the power to grow, shrink, and stretch her body at will. So she’s trying to fight crime, keep up at school, and well, stay out of trouble with her parents. So fun. (Dear Disney: I really want this kid to show up in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. before it gets canceled kthxbye.)

The Legend of Wonder Woman by Ranae De Liz and Ray Dillon (DC Comics, 2016)

Weren’t we all mildly obsessed with Wonder Woman after the 2017 film? Another one I borrowed from my sister. A solid take on Diana’s origin story that’s accessible for comic n00bs (ahem, like me) who can’t figure out where to begin with beautiful art and a lot of heart.

The Classic I Finally Read 

Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen I always try to tackle either a thick intimidating novel or an unread classic in the wintertime. This year, I worked on my Austen deficiency and discovered I relate a little too much to Elinor Dashwood.

What’s Next?

In the new year, I think my goal is less about numbers and more about reading widely. I liked the 50% women authors goal because it helped me actively choose to support women writers. This year, hoping to read more books by authors of color, explore some new ideas and genres, and hopefully do a better job reading deeply and taking notes. I’ve got my eye on Book Riot’s Read Harder Challenge too, perhaps as a way to dig into new things I wouldn’t normally notice. And yeah... perhaps a monthly reading life update is a thing I can do here on the blog. :)

If you’re curious to see the full list of What I Read This Year and follow along with me in 2019, feel free to follow me on Goodreads!

What were some of your favorite reads in 2018? And what are your goals for the new year? I’d love to hear all about it in the comments!

#art #books #reading #awesome of the year #readers of tumblr #reading list #favorite books #best of 2018 #readers are leaders yo

[kcookendrick]

I Wont Let Go

Who: Adam Levine and Anna Kendrick (anam) @hfamelevine

Location: Adams trailer on the set of The Voice 

Date: May 15th 2018 

Summary: Anna visits Adam on the set of The Voice. Adam has Dusty and the babysitter bailed last minute, so he asks Anna to watch Dusty for the time hes filming which causes them to have an important conversation about kids.  

Adam: The last couple of days had been a whirlwind and he was way too busy for his own liking today. He had meetings all this morning where Dusty had to stay with her babysitter Caitlynn, and now he was rushing off to the set of The Voice with his daughter in tow with him, and he was surprised that Anna had showed up too after visiting her a few hours ago with tea when she had told him that she wasn’t feeling well. He was popping in and out with Dusty as he attended to wardrobe and what he had to do before the show, but once they had gotten settled back into his trailer, he muttered words that he didn’t know could even come out of his mouth, and he didn’t know how to feel about them but they had come out anyway. “Babe, do you mind watching Dusty while I’m out there?” He asks as he leans up against the wall of his trailer. “She was supposed to be with Cait tonight but she backed out at the last minute.”

Anna: As soon as Anna was flying home, the women knew she was coming down with something. The actress felt sick, nauseated and weak. Going on the set of the Voice isn’t something she really wanted to be doing, but she was there to support Adam because he wasn’t doing good this season. Taking a deep breath, she sat in his trailer while she watched him rush around before getting things done. Anna almost forgot he had Dusty this week now, and when he asked her to watch his kid Anna was a little dumbfounded that he’d even ask in the first place. With her head pounding, Anna chewed her lips and took a breath “You….” Stopping herself, Anna kissed Dusty’s forehead and pushed her hair out of her face “You want /me/ to watch her? You sure that’s a good idea?” Anna asked him “I’ve never…, Ive never been alone with her before and Behati will probably kill me.” She knew she shouldn’t argue, and sure she’s babysat Rumi her friends daughter before, but Rumi was a little bit older than Dusty was. Taking a deep breath again, Anna nodded “You sure?”

Adam: “Yeah, I mean…” He pauses for a moment, because he can sense Anna’s nervousness over the subject. Yeah, Behati probably wouldn’t be so happy if she found out that Anna watched Dusty while he was out on the stage doing the show, but he had no one to watch her now. “Her babysitter’s not here.” He frowns, running a hand over his head. “I’m sure, but if you really don’t want to then I think I can probably get one of the makeup artists to do it.”

Anna: Anna wallowed hard, and shook her head. Closing her eyes, the women sighed and hated the fact that she was scared to do this. Chewing on her lips again, Anna walked over to Adam, kissed his forehead and nodded “No I” Taking his hands into hers trying to calm him down, she looked at him “I can do it. She’s in her pajamas, so maybe Ill try to get her to nap.”

Adam: He stops in his tracks and looking behind him to the door as he turns in time for Anna to kiss his forehead. It calms him down a little bit, and he lets out a content sigh before nodding his head. Gently squeezing his hands between her own, he nods. “I…thank you.” He whispers.

Anna: Picking Dusty up, and holding her onto her hips she kissed hime once more softly and smiled a little “Say good luck Daddy.” She said to Dusty, and always felt like an idiot for making Dusty repeat things. Taking a breath, the women pressed her forehead against his “I love you, good luck babe.”

Adam: Adam took a moment or two to talk to Dusty after she said good luck to him, and then kissed her forehead. Leaning forward then to gently kiss Anna’s lips once her forehead was then pressed against his, he nods. “I love you too.” He whispers. “Thank you. You want me to come get you before Panic goes on stage?”

Anna: Shaking her head at his last question, Anna smiled while still holding Dusty “Nah, I’ll tell Brendon he did a great job anyway.”

Adam: “I’ll cheer for them enough for the both of us.” He teases, kissing her lips once more before kissing Dusty’s cheek. “Daddy will be back in a little bit, okay? Be good for Anna.”

Anna: Once Adam left, she and Dusty hung out for a bit but the women was just exhausted and stressed and it was getting to her. Dusty had fallen asleep quickly, and Anna did too on the couch in his trailer with Dusty in her arms.

Adam: Over an hour had passed, and Adam wasn’t happy with the results of tonight’s show. It had been a few years since his team had been knocked out before the finale, so he was a little upset over it. Now, he just wanted to get his things and go home and enjoy his night before things started getting hectic all over again. Once he had finished press inside and made his way back to his trailer, he opened the door and walked inside. At the sight of Anna asleep in the couch with Dusty in her arms sleeping too, his heart had swelled and melted away the small amount of anger he had been feeling. He stared at them for a few moments and then smiled a little, reaching into his pocket to take out his phone and pull up his camera to take a picture.

Anna: With Dusty’s carseat a few feet away, Anna slowly started to wake up not even realizing she passed out. Taking a breath, she saw Adam and smiled softly a little then sighed “Sorry, I fell asleep again.” Anna said quietly, and ended up putting Dusty in her carseat so it’d be easier to take her home. Walking over closer to Adam she looked at him “What’s wrong, how’d you do?” Anna asked, and took his hands into hers

Adam: Once Anna had woken up, Adam had taken the picture and saved it to his phone before sliding the phone back into his back. Shaking his head, he sat down beside Anna once she placed Dusty in her car seat. “Got knocked out.” He said, shrugging his shoulders once more. “Blake and Kelly are in, Alicia and I are out.”

Anna:  “I’m sorry babe.” Was all she could say, as the brunette listened to him speak. Taking a deep breath, Anna sat back down on the couch and patted it for him to do the same. Swallowing hard, Anna chewed her lips and starred at Dusty while she slept. Anna smiled softly and started to get lost within her thoughts.

Adam: “It’s okay. I mean…it sucks, but it is what it is. I thought he would at least be able to sing for the save, and that didn’t happen either.” He sighs. He hates it when he feels like he didn’t give enough to the people he had been mentoring on his teams, and this one right now was no different. Sitting down on the couch beside Anna, he smiled as he leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to her cheek. “How was Dusty for you?”

Anna: Anna was listening to him speak, but wasn’t really paying attention. She knew he was a little upset, but all Anna could think about now was Dusty and how perfect she was and how innocent. Those little lips, and her sucking her thumb while she slept. Anna sighed, and looked at him when he kissed her cheek and shook her head “She was perfect.” She told him quietly, and then looked at him “Babe…”

Adam: “Good, that’s good. I’m glad.” He chuckled, wanting to now keep his mind off what had happened tonight until he had to come back to the set one last time for the finale next week. “She’s been running errands and stuff with me all day, so I kind of had a feeling that she would pass out and sleep for a while soon enough.” He chuckled, but turned to her and looked at her for a moment when she called out for him. “Hm?” He returns back, whispering to her. “Yeah?”

Anna: As Adam continued to talk, she felt a big lump forming in her throat. The women was becoming more and more emotional as each day passed, and she didn’t know if she liked it or not. Swallowing hard, Anna felt fresh tears form in her eyes but shook her head and looked at him, kissing him softly  she continued with “I think….” Stopping herself, Anna looked a Dusty “I think I want to try.” Anna said as quietly as possible, hoping he didn’t hear “I mean…, not… now but” Swallowing hard again, Anna looked at him and shrugged her shoulders

Adam: “Hey…” The fresh water forming in her eyes catches Adam off guard, and he leans forward slightly to bring his hand up to wipe underneath her eyes with his thumb. Kissing her back gently, he listens to her speak. Feeling a smile spread across his lips, his expression softens and changes at her words. “You…” He starts, still whispering. “You…really?”

Anna: When he wiped her teas away, Anna laughed nervously and took a breath “Sorry, I don’t know what’s with…, this crying thing is all new.” Anna said softly, and then saw the smile on his face. Chewing her lips, Anna rested her head on his shoulder and pulled her knees up to her chest for comfort. “I…, We’ve only been together for four months, it’ll be five soon but I just… I don’t know.” Anna said, now looking at him “I look at her, and I think of so many things Im missing out on. She’s not my kid, but when the first stick turned positive with Ben for a split second I wanted it, but now I think I do.” She said quietly, finally admitting it out loud to him.

Adam: “I know.” He chuckles, gently moving his hand from her face with a nod. As she rests her head on his shoulder, he’s quiet as he listens to her talk again but his smile widens a little more when she talks about Dusty. There’s so much running through his mind, curious about how this had come up with her but he wasn’t going to ask that now. He looks down at her, but then turns slightly to gently lift her face from his shoulder with his hand so she’s looking at him. “…You…you want to have a baby with me?” He whispers.

Anna: As Adam lifted her chin so she could face him a little, Anna’s lips pressed against his softly and then pressed her forehead against his and closed her eyes for a few moments. Nodding her head, hoping that’d be an okay answer for him Anna smiled and kissed him again once more, but this time a little deeper “Yes.” She whispered as quietly as possible, realizing she just admitted to something that she’d never think would’ve come out of her mouth.

Adam: He kisses her back, and can only stay silent as he feels her nodding her head up and down. He doesn’t know what to say for a few moments, so he just settles on kissing her back once more while he can so he can formulate his words. Once they broke away though and that whispered word fell from her mouth, he stared at her for a few moments and placed his hands back on both sides of her face again. “Okay,” He says, quietly. “When…when you’re ready, we can try.”

END 

#&*para's #&*i won't let go #&*adam levine #{cause i got issues;you got em too} #{fucked around and got attached to you} #5-15-18

[thisgeekyteacher]

The months they go so fast, and May disappeared in a whirl of outwith the norm events. What with many comings and goings, a whole week in Cumbria and more train journeys than I’d really like to make in a month, I’ve made it to June more battered and broken than when I started.

I’ll be honest, I don’t really know what to put in here regarding the news. Brexit is a nightmare, Trump is no better, and News the world over is just miserable. So I think I’ll go with something that hit home for me.

My heart broke when I read about the sinking of the tourist boat on the Danube in Hungary. It is all the more heart wrenching as the wounds scored into the psyche of the nation as a result of the Sewol tragedy are still smarting. This has been close to the bone.

It also made me afraid. Afraid that I might know someone on that boat. True, the chances were slim, but I have met so many Koreans who have made clear their wishes to travel abroad, and many of them since have. I didn’t want any of my friends to be on the boat.

I hope that recovery operations in Hungary are swifter than they were for Sewol, and I hope everyone is found.

I’ve mentioned this book in the up-coming Reading Nook post, but it’s that good that I’m putting it here as well!

If you’re fascinated by Jack the Ripper, this isn’t necessarily a shoe-in. If you are fascinated by Victorian London in general, then this is a perfect read.

Hallie Rubenhold has clearly researched into every nook and cranny, digging up every little tit-bit of information relating to Jack the Ripper’s victims, and gives them their names and lives, immortalising them – Polly, Annie, Elizabeth, Catherine and Mary Kelly – as more than victims, as more than the prostitutes they were always assumed to be.

It’s a heart wrenching read and, and it’s very core, highlights without even having to put into words, how similar women’s situations are now. It is still an automatic assumption that a woman has fallen, that she is lesser, that she is sex worker, if she is in any way perceived to have “fallen” below society’s standards.

We have a long way to go.

I’ve still been slowly making my way through bones, and in the BF’s week of ill, a lot of of the Netflix shows were consumed. I’m now very used to the background noise of people being beaten to a pulp. That or football…

Some of the shows are great, some seem to just dole out the violence for violence’s sake, but as I’ve mostly been passively watching. The roster has been made up of Luke Cage, The Punisher and Daredevil. Luke Cage appears to have a stellar OST, and Daredevil has it’s captivating moments, but The Punisher does nothing for me!

I think we’re nearly at the end now, so hopefully there will be something less noisily violent gracing our TV screens.

More Marvel, this time Endgame.

I know I’m going to get some flack for this, but though I’m satisfied with the ending, the getting there was less gratifying. I could have done with film about half the length, or at least sped up, and I got so frustrated that I nearly left.

I am still deeply unimpressed with how a couple of the characters were dealt with; whilst I understand the point of the exercise, I feel it was handled badly and it left a sour taste. Man it’s hard to write an opinion piece on a movie you don’t want to spoil.

Whilst I would recommend seeing it, because… Endgame, I can’t sit here and say it’s going to blow your mind. It rounds out the Infinity Saga nicely, and sets up the next chapter. I’m going to miss this generation of Marvel, but I believe that what’s coming will be fantastic.

Those in the know are more than aware that I’m not remotely fussy about music genre, I will listen to anything and everything that sings to me. They will also know that I love me a good K-Pop release. What they might not know, is that of some of my favourite Korean artists, the Japanese releases outweigh the success of their Korean ones.

In May, we were treated to Seventeen’s newest Japanese release, Happy Ending. I’ve been disappointed In Seventeen’s recent Korean releases, they’ve just not quite been there. Happy Ending happily bucks this trend.

It’s a treat, being able to consume music from one group in two different national markets. Whilst there are Korean rock groups, and excellent ones at that, you will generally find this sound is more readily accepted in Japan than in Korea.

May has been changeable, weather-wise, and there has been much need for an interim jacket. I’ve not had the greatest of need for one before now – both Hong Kong and Korea are not known for their prolonged seasonal transitions. This year I acquired a second-hand Burberry trench coat that isn’t an colour of cream/beige that makes me look sick, and I have been rocking it (if I do say so myself). It’s a fast way to lift an outfit into something a little more put together.

I was rained upon immediately after this photo, however. The sunnies are a complete and utter lie. Oh, London weather! And now we’re in June and it’s chucking it down outside – a classic British summer. Why did I come back again?

Given this guy a wash, so he’s a wee bit damp!

This months revelation is not a product, but a tool! I have been into sponges for a million-and-one years, and for some reason, in recent months they’ve not been doing the job for me. Personally, I’m going to put that down to my Korean stash has finally run out and those on offer in the UK just aren’t up to par (and no, I’m not going to pay silly money for a sponge).

In light of this, I turned to the make up brushes, picked one that looked like it might be halfway decent for foundation, and gave it a whirl. I haven’t looked back since. Who knows why something that hasn’t worked before is working now,  but it does and I’m loving it.

As I slowly march through the endless collection of recipes at my disposal, there have been two of note this may:

On the right we have a smokey pork and black bean recipe from BBC Good Food, technically a taco recipe that instead had with salad to make a frankensteined buritto bowl. On the left we have a gluten free bread recipe from one of the plethora of LEON books I have. If you’re interested in them, I recommend keeping an eye on kindle prices!

The frankensteined burrito bowl was a huge success, and I enjoyed it for many a packed lunch – I packed my salad and meat separately, heated the meat at work and threw it all together with a smidge of cheese and a dollop of soured cream (technical terms there).

The bread, though no unsuccessful, was odd. It’s gluten free, it was always going to be odd. It looked more cakey than any bread I’ve ever come across, but was also dense, without being heavy. I found this bread to be very enjoyable, just as long as you are of the full understanding that it is not, nor is it ever going to be, regular bread!

Stunning photo, I believe from the press performance

The boy and I managed to get tickets to see English National Opera’s production of Faust, at their home in Covent Garden. The Opera House is a stunning mixture of sleek modernity in the foyer/bar and old fashioned opulence in the theatre itself, right down to the patrons; there were some tail coats spotted, and one lady in the most fabulous, sparking red dress. Opera attendance aspirations right there!

Faust (the French version by Charles Gounod, at least I think so!) was long, funny, long some more, rousing, opulent, disturbing and a spectacle.  Méphistophélès appearance in the second half (end of Act IV or beginning of Act V, I’ll be honest I’m not sure, all the Act’s melted into one) was fabulous; the scene stealer of the evening.

After the opera, we (one of our friends was in the production) headed off to China town for a bite to eat, and had this amazing aubergine number that I can’t for the life of me remember the name or make up of. Let this post serve as a reminder to the boy that we need to go have that again (a test to see if he reads the blog, perhaps…)

This month, the best place I have been is the Garden up in Cumbria. Getting through May felt like a war of attrition. There were highs and there were really, really dark lows. Being able to get home was a saving grace, and I was lucky enough to be able to experience some amazing weather. Here’s a wee photo of Colin  the pheasant strutting about like he owns the place, to a stunning back drop. Who needs filters when you live in the countryside! 

2019 has been a good year for the family. My nephew (hereafter nephew the first) arrived in January, and he is the spitting image of my brother, so much so it’s hilarious. In May, another member of the family arrived, another wee lad, to my cousin. It’s far too convoluted to go through the whole relation nomenclature rigmarole, so I’m just going to stick with nephew the second. He is adorable, with So. Much. Hair (quite unlike nephew the first, who is so blonde he looks bald), and I’m so damn proud of my cousin I could cry. I mean I will, I’m a crier. I can’t wait to go meet the wee lad and get in some of those baby cuddles!

  Re-Cap:

So May wasn’t all bad, despite the low parts of the month. I got some in some solid hours at home, we gained another new addition to the family, the boy and I got a wee trip tp the opera and he got to enjoy some of my food aspiration experiments (though apparently not enough, according to him, which is difficult when he’s more of a savory guy and I am all about that baking!)

Here’s hoping that June is a great month for all of us!

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  Last Month Today | May 2019 The months they go so fast, and May disappeared in a whirl of outwith the norm events.

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