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#(my lil bro got a desk in 2020 except it's covered in his junk & in the living room where everyone always is so I effectively can't use it)
slipper007
·
2 years
Text
Cannot wait to move back to college
#cw negativity
#to delete
#im so frustrated
#nobody listens and everything is always a personal failing.
#here I am with three weeks until I go back and i gotta write two 10 page papers. that's already stressful.
#so one parent nags me once a day and the other blows their top whenever they feel like it because theyre not done yet
#why aren't they done? I'm working through shit from the traumatic bullshit of the year. this is a horrible work environment. I'm burnt out.
#but no. go off about how I'm lazy despite straight As and never having had this issue in all my years of school.
#i can't fucking sleep. my house is full of distractions but so is everywhere else. there's nowhere to work.
#got kittens & im absolutely terrified theyre gonna die horrifically (thats totally not a trauma response from holding my dead cat for hrs)
#I've been explaining I can't work without a desk since i was nine and yet there is still nowhere to work. kitchen has no wifi. bed has bed.
#(my lil bro got a desk in 2020 except it's covered in his junk & in the living room where everyone always is so I effectively can't use it)
#nobody else does shit w the kittens so they're always high energy. keeping me awake @ night. getting me up early. horseplay w each other.
#trying to explain that im constantly overwhelmed by the environment gets me nowhere
#trying to stay home when everyone else does things gets me nowhere
#now im going to see my aunt & grandmother for a week because my gma is looking bad & she's gonna go & you're going to make me feel worse
#about it??? you know how much I'll fucking hate myself if I don't go and never see her again? over fucking schoolwork???
#but thank you for reminding me that I effectively only have two weeks left. very helpful. just what I needed.
#and thanks dear parents for never listening when I need you to be understanding. surely if you've finished grieving we all have.
#how fucking dare they say im using death as an excuse to shirk my schoolwork. as if im not constantly worrying about it.
#as if I don't constantly feel like shit about it. i want my school work done too. i just. can't focus. can't sleep. can't do anything.
#and they're completely unwilling to do anything to help me with that.
#like fuck i always knew i wasn't good enough for them to actually care but really this is a new low i think.
#ugh
#i was supposed to plan and research my thesis this summer too. so I guess I'll just be behind this fall too.
#best four years of my life huh?
#college is a fucking joke with shit like this going on
#but at least it's not here.
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