#*obligatory disclaimer that i'm talking about MY society as in the one i live in and am familiar with

[brilliantfantasticgeronimo]

dw rewatch - takes on "the end of the world"

companion watch:

"the artic desert" hits different lol

something something bella vs the witch

rose's fear attack when she finds heres lf in the alien situation. she's genuinely terrified! it's a good beat, man. more than that, it's a rare beat. I get a lot of people don't vibe with it and prefer the more "buffy-esque approach, since it's "more to the point" and gets you larger than life figures… but personally I much prefer it when scifi/fantasy scenarios are portrayed as the terrifying reality they would be. also this: "ROSE: I just hitched a ride with a man. I don't even know who he is. He's a complete stranger"

war of the world vibes with the little robot fellas. /unintentional parallel to how cassandra dies and how the aliens in that book die?

"it gets inside and changes my mind, and you didnt even ask" "i didnt think about it like that" it's interesting that rose question this tbh

"five billion years in the future, my mum's dead" "bundle of laughs you are" /god i love this exchange. nine's constant attempt to downplay ANY surfacing of Real Emotions. rose's naivety in contemplating for the first time in her life that oh yeah, people die. the first statement of the "everything dies, everything ends" theme that will be woven throughout all the rtd era.

ngl i wish rose Did More in the plot of this episode, in terms of actually solving the crisis, feels like a stepdown after Rose giving her the most climatic moment... that said she does get a lot of great quibs in this one: "you two go pollinate and i'll go meet the family"/ "and i want you home by midnight!"/ "its better to die than to live like you, a bitchy trampoline" / "youre just lipstick and skin"

she's really similar to nine/ten in that aspect. they both have that "humor as defense mechanism" thing

blorbos:

the way nine and rose Lean in those stairs…. im Looking respectfully and im Thinking pure thoughts. (honestly ppl talk a lot about ten and rose's body language in s2 but there was A Lot going on with nine and rose as early as episode 1)

"all that counts is here and now" can't tell if zen mindfulness or a desperate defense mechanism to cope with ptsd.

first thing rose does is call her mum ): - Cassandra "I'm too young" vs Ten's "I was going to do so much more"...(ben wyatt voice) it's about the hypocrisy (oh having written this note before rewatching new earth... put a pin on that!)

timeless child retroactive continuity bonus: perhaps cassandra as "the last human" (not really a "human") paralleling "the last timelord" (not really a "timelord)? - "JABE: And what about your ancestry, Doctor? Perhaps you could tell a story or two. Perhaps a man only enjoys trouble when there's nothing else left". well post-s13 they're gonna enjoy themselves a lot more lol - there's something very anti-entropy about how the child gets to regenerate indefinitely without "losing" its essence and its dna integrity (vs cassandra's "flatness", the child gains more and more complexity as time passes).

colonialism/hegemony: - NINE: "mind you, when I say "the great and the good" what I mean is the rich." / "Five billion years and it still comes down to money" / this maybe be harsh,,, honestly i hate to say but doctor who sometimes really is just typical neolib """anti-capitalist""" fiction. - in the sense that it pretends to be anti-capitalist, but really is just capitalist realist. it's writers can imagine 203223 scenarios of the earth dying but they cannot conceive of a post-capitalist world, a classless society or simply a world without taxes. Of course you could say "this is so these stories are relatable" but even in their relatedness, there's rarely a portrayal of the anti-capitalist struggle (rather than just generic star wars-style, ideology-less "rebellions).- (that said, obligatory "I'm not a politics robot" disclaimer... "Do you think it's cheap, looking like this? Flatness costs a fortune." is an iconic retort lol) - there's also a kind of subtle Myth Of The Linear Progress Of History thing going on with cassandra being framed as someone who "stayed behind" and has not embraced this analogue to our "Color Blind Post Racial Society" which has "Obviously" outgrown prejudice and notions of racial purity. - "good thing i didn't take you to the deep south" / "you were to busy making cheap shots about the deep south" // parallels to-> "who do you think makes your clothes?" "Is that why you travel 'round with a human at your side? It's not so you can show them the wonders of the universe, it's so you can take cheap shots?" "sorry" . actually no rtd i dont think these are chepashots at all lol they are VERY relevant shots!! it's very transparent how the writers are kind of meek about making these *truly* transgressive points, but it's much easier to have the doctor argue that rose having a donor card is "a different morality"... again one is truly transgressive, the other is fun-but-no-challenging-of-the-hegemony scifi "dilemma". - the "quick word with Michael Jackson" line is doing A Lot but idek how to even begin to entangle it lol it's very 00s, for sure. - for once, a self aware one: "People have died, Cassandra. You murdered them." / "It depends on your definition of people, and that's enough of a technicality to keep your lawyers dizzy for centuries"

themes: - everything has its time and everything ends check your bingo cards. racial purity vs mixing vs 'progress'. class. life cycles. gut instinct (rose jumping the gun to empatise w/ the doc + nine going through the fans + rose reaction to the alien parade). destruction as tourism, as "artistic event" (an uncomfortable parallel to how this is what our heroes will be doing for the next 10+ seasons). - this episode does a bit of a u-turn on the previous (And the next) on its constant questioning of the intrinsic "meaning" of a physical body. in this, cassandra's continuous operations are framed as a kind of "lost of an essence". also the "surface" of her thinking as metaphor for her missing the "essence" of what it means to be human (biologically but more fundamentally, ethically).

Live Fast Die Young / YOLO / everyone deserves to be mourned. everyone deserves a dignified death. thread carefully and cherish life, because it will all be gone. our time is limited and short and it is because it is short that it means something. Life only means anything because there's Death.

ecology and environmentalism. "there are many species in that planet. mankind is only one / I'm a direct descendant of the tropical rainforest." obsessed with it. wish they brought back the rainforest.

#60threwatch #god why is this so long #why cant i ever be SUCCINCT dammit #dw #doctor who #love how tumblr decides to format some of these bullet points and some not

[kaetchup]

rei sakuma idol story 2

rei’s second idol story, and my second real post on tumblr! i know that this one’s already localized on engstars (but hey, not everyone’s ascending those idol ranks) buuut i didn't particularly like how some of the things were worded in the localization, so i've redone some parts for readability.

♪ obligatory disclaimer! none of this is mine, i’m just sharing it for my love of our idol boys. all content belongs to happy elements ♪

koga: Hey, we're here.

adonis: Excuse me.

kaoru: Hello, Koga and Adonis. Are you done with school?

koga: Yeah. Thanks for arrangin' your time for us.

ES related work counts as school at Yumenosaki, but I still don't think always skipping classes is good.

adonis: I have time for Modern Literature today because you changed your timetable for us. Japanese is still difficult for me, so I am glad that I have the time for school.

kaoru: Ahaha. If anything, I think you're quite fluent in Japanese.

koga: That aside, I don't see Sakuma. Where's he? He's not sleeping, is he...?

rei: Kekeke, I'm right here, Koga... ♪

koga: Gyah?! W-why the hell are you under the desk?!

rei: This is the demon of the dark... characterized by his elusiveness ♪

kaoru: Rei was picking up some documents he dropped under his desk. He's always in a daze during the day.

adonis: Hm. You are busy as usual, Sakuma...

rei: Exactly. All complications Rhyth Lin developed over the years have taken our relocation into ES as their chance to emerge...

And thence I bear considerable workload... I would have thrown myself into your arms for a cry if I wasn't your senior, Adonis.

adonis: Really... Thanks for everything, Sakuma.

I am willing to lend you my chest any time. Let me know if you need me.

koga: Don't you take him seriously, Adonis.

I suppose people drown him with unimportant things because he's so famous. I can sympathize with him for that.

Why do you want UNDEAD together anyway?

I thought we agreed to do our own jobs for some time.

Not that I'm not willing to help if you need me... Tell us sooner if you're really that overwhelmed with work, you know?

rei: Kekeke. I appreciate your kindness, but that's not the reason I summoned you all here. Right, Kaoru?

kaoru: Yeah. As you said, Koga, our basic plan now is to work in two separate groups: Rei and I, you and Adonis.

That said, UNDEAD is still UNDEAD. There's nothing strange about the four of us gathering together ♪

koga: You think that answered my question? Tell me why you called us here!

rei: I see that you're as impatient as always, Koga... Now then, let's get to business.

We UNDEAD members have been accumulating strength in our respective fields ever since the origination of the ES Project...

I deem it, however, time to call a strategy meeting.

adonis: Strategy meeting...? What for?

kaoru: In short, let's discuss the direction we're about to go.

I think Rei and I have talked about how we're going to work hard as idols and members of society.

But we haven't really talked about what kind of idols we want to be.

adonis: I see. Even though we work together sometimes, we haven't really talked about that.

rei: Indeed. Individual effort as well as overall strategy matters in terms of increasing visibility in the vastness of the idol industry.

For example, we can turn platforms other than Lives to our advantage for publicity... which is a strategy in itself.

I'm discussing this as the leader of UNDEAD with Producer about the possibilities of the direction we can go.

... With all these said, I wish to hear your opinions first.

Can you tell me what kind of work you would like as idols?

kaoru: Oh, I'd like to appear in TV dramas, by the way ♪ You know how we were doing Lives most of the time at Yumenosaki.

So I want to build experience in acting as well ♪

koga: Hmph. Forgotten your main job already, Hakaze?

Aren't we UNDEAD known for radical Lives? I'd prefer some mind-blowing Lives compared to somethin' as bland as a TV series.

It's no good if we change direction now. Won't we disappoint our fans if we give up our style halfway?

You think so too, right, Adonis?

adonis: Me...? I'm new to the idol industry, so I think I shouldn't be picky, and that I should try all kinds of jobs...

But what I want to do the most right now would be children's shows.

koga: C-children's shows...?

adonis: Yes. It is my wish to protect the weak. I want to do exercises or play games with children so that they can build up strength and become stronger.

koga: So that's what you mean... You never budge, do you?

rei: Kekeke. How about you set foot in things other than Lives, such as variety shows featuring animals, Koga?

The extent to which you spoil Leon tells me that you wouldn't mind interaction with some other animals... ♪

koga: Huh?! Who do you think I am? Koga Oogami, the lone wolf!

I don't hate animals, but I won't appear close to them on TV!

kaoru: Hahaha, I'd like people to see the friendly side of UNDEAD, though... ♪

What do you think, Rei?

Don't just ask others what they'd want to do. You haven't even told me what kind of work you'd like to do as our leader, right?

Personally, I'd like to see you being yourself as a vampire in a suspense drama.

A drama co-starring us Two Attractions! Just kidding... ♪

adonis: Hm, that certainly suits you, Sakuma...

koga: But what do you think, Sakuma? You know, I won't stop you if that's what you want...

rei: I'm glad you asked. "What I want to do", eh-

Kekeke. How curious that I, in fact, have no idea.

My answer to this question is as immaculately bare as a piece of blank paper ♪

koga: Hey, how come you asked this question when you don't even have an answer yourself?

Don't tell me all your hard work has finally made you dumb.

rei: Be gentle with your reproaches, Koga. I have my own headaches.

This is my first time being an ordinary member of society. The whole picture of the idol industry hence remains muddled to me.

I wish for no more than for the happiness of my fellow members of UNDEAD... No more than that, yet...

If my wishes (1) were to involve those around me in trouble, people, including Ritsu, would be irate at me again.

kaoru: I see. Leave everything to us when you're still not sure about things, then.

And, of course, Producer will help us too, right?

adonis: That's right. I will continue to do what I want for now.

koga: Geez, alright. Now that you want to leave things to us, I gotta keep you company 'cause I owe you for all these years.

rei: Kekeke. You are all reliable beyond words... ♪

We have too much of life left before us to feel contented with ourselves. I delightfully await...

... what future may await us ♪

translator's note:

(1) this was put as "ego", which i believe they meant to use "ego" in the freudian context? like as in the compromise between id, the primal desires, and the superego, the moral desires? it was kind of strange, so i just pushed it down to "wishes" for things to make a little more sense. i read this as rei holding back on what he wanted because he didn't want to encroach on people who might be having their own problems. felt like a very rei way to say "well, i want you all to be happy before i try to be happy! so you do what you want first!"

like i said in the beginning, i did my best to make sure things were as readable as possible. gosh, the way rei is translated in the localization confuses me sometimes, 'cause the way the "complicated old man words" are used aren't really used in the way they'd really be used with english speakers. anyhoo, i hope you all enjoyed :) special thanks to the person who liked and reblogged my first translation (you know who you are). i really wasn't expecting anyone to see things before i had a considerable collection of posts so i was pleasantly surprised to see some love before i had even pushed my second translation out. hugs and kisses!

#rei sakuma #enstars #ensemble stars #idol story

[firelord-frowny]

kinda feel like ive been slowly building my own ~religion~ that's entirely personal and based on nothing but my own values and aspirations and ideals and it's SO LIBERATING omg wow like.

To feel so entitled to believe in something that I don't need to explain to anybody else.

No one needs to know why i think gravity is a supreme being.

I don't have to google about what kinds of other people might believe that dark matter is made up of, at least in part, the ~consciousness~ of all sentient life in the universe.

The things humankind can't figure out are by design because the universe knows the results would be catastrophic if we knew the answers to certain critical questions.

I look up at the stars and the moon every time I'm outside or even near a window at night, and I speak to them out loud and tell them I love them and that I'm happy they're here with me, because it would be rude not to.

I know, I KNOW, that there is someone lightyears away who's thinking of me, and I know that because I'm thinking of them, and I know they know I know they're there, even though neither of us know where. I don't know the name of your planet, and I don't know if you're corporeal like I am, and I don't know if you breathe or grow, but that's none of my business. I only need to know that you're real.

What's wild to me about humankind is that even theists would listen to me swoon about praying to the will of spacetime and personifying gravity as a deity, and think I sound insane. It's so fucking amazing, honestly, the way humans can do all kinds of crazy shit in their own little crazy communities and not think for one second that it might seem Concerningly Strange to an unfamiliar onlooker, but then they hear someone talk about ~listening to the wisdom of the maple tree outside their window~ or whatever and all of a sudden they're ready to 5150 a bitch.

You can pray to Jesus but I can't pray to the Pleiades cluster?? You can proselytize about ~god's love~ but I can't encourage people to join me in giving thanks to Sagittarius A*?

obligatory disclaimer that YES i'm awaaAAAARRREEE that obviously I'm speaking from a perspective of existing within a society that's dominated by christianity because, surprise surprise, I live in a society that's dominated about christianity. still, i know next to nothing about it, just like i know next to nothing about any other religion.

and that, honestly, is what i find so satisfying about the the beliefs i'm discovering for myself. I'm not beholden to the values or customs of any governing body or agency or even just the values of customs of my parents omg. for a person living in my place and time, i think i've had a REMARKABLY uncommon experience of having an uprbinging that was almost totally areligious beyond obligatory and perfunctory participations in, idk, Bowing My Head while that one uncle gives the unnecessarily long grace at thanksgiving dinner.

I feel so pristine and unprogrammed and that's a luxury, i think, that so few people in the community I'm surrounded by get to have.

There's no doubt, no misunderstanding or misinterpretation, there's no need to struggle to reconcile anything I'm ~taught~ that doesn't make sense.

The only evidence I need is to just look up.

#star #*that asterisk isn't an asterisk lmao it's part of the name of the milky way's black hole #It's called Sagittarius A* and the asterisk is pronounced as

[arofili]

okay so idk why but recently i saw a lot of people on my dashboard talking about how shipping incest is gross etc. and you shouldn't do it and now idk, does russingon count as incest? technically seen they're cousins, right? the same for russingold(?), i know a lot of people ship russingon but this really made me unsure because it's still incest, isn't it? anwyays, sorry for bothering you, i just don't know who to ask, i'm pretty new in the fandom

[obligatory disclaimer that this is just my opinion, i speak for no one but myself, and also that i’m exactly 0% interested in having a debate over shipping morality; you are free to unfollow/block me if you disagree but i’m not about to engage with this mess of a dis.course. anon seems to be asking in good faith which is why i am answering. keywords have been censored so they don’t show up in tags/searches.]

anon, it looks like you’ve stumbled into some shipping dis.course. there are people in fandom spaces who are all about ship purity and policing what “good” ships are and what ships are “problematic” and what ships make you a “bad person” for liking. my advice to you is stay away from all that nonsense! shipping is more than just “this is a perfect relationship i want them to be together forever uwu” - there’s lots of reasons to ship something, from exploring dynamics to finding their story interesting to just thinking it’s cute and/or hot and so on.

but onto your actual question: yes, Maedhros and Fingon are cousins, and yes, lots of people ship them together anyway! it seems you’re aware of Russingold, too, but there’s lots of ships between the Finwean cousins, pretty much every combination you can imagine! and between closer relations, also, though those tend to be less popular bc more people are squicked by them.

here in the Silm fandom - in my experience at least - most of us are not really concerned with ship dis.course, especially when it comes to in.cest. we have in.cest in our canon, and Tolkien made almost every goddamn character related to each other, so like...if you (general you) are gonna get up in arms about shipping related characters, this probably isn’t the fandom for you. that isn’t to say that if shipping in.cest makes you personally uncomfortable, you’re not welcome here - you can blacklist tags, create your own content, etc, whatever you want! but trying to police the Silm fandom for purity of content, especially purity of ships, is going to get you laughed out of the room, tbh.

the thing to remember is that this is fiction, not real life - real life in.cest is a very serious thing that is always wrong, but fictional in.cest is just not the same thing because no Real Live Person is getting hurt over it. two not-real elf cousins getting it on is not putting any real person in danger unless you decide to doxx someone over shipping dis.course.

in Silm canon we have the Idril and Maeglin situation that says elves don’t marry their cousins...but specifically for Russingon (and, by extension, Russingold) Tolkien actually has an exception in his “elves don’t do in.cest” rule for half-cousins that makes it okay in the eyes of Elf Society! i broke that down in a meta here, so definitely check that out. and regardless it is important to remember that Maedhros and Fingon are half-cousins, which is significant both when it comes to their ship potential and also to the plot of the Silm. (also worth pointing out that there’s irl historical precedent of in.cest in royal lines...not that that’s like, an excuse, or a good thing, or anything like that - but uniting your feuding sons’ lines by marrying their children to each other? that’s some interesting shit right there! that would make an excellent AU!)

tl;dr: yep, Maedhros and Fingon are cousins; they share a grandfather, but they have different grandmothers. so yeah, that’s technically in.cest. but your morality is not defined by what you ship. fictional relationships are not the same as real life relationships. honestly, Tolkien probably shipped Russingon (the rescue from Thangorodrim is the most goddamn homoerotic thing I’ve ever read and that’s after Chrissy T took a knife to it). you are not a bad person for shipping Russingon, and in fact you are in good company! there’s a reason Russingon is the most popular ship in the fandom :)

#kincest #(just 2 be safe) #anon #answers

[kaetchup]

rei sakuma idol story 1

rei's first idol story, and my first real post on tumblr! i know that this one's already localized on engstars (but hey, not everyone's ascending those idol ranks) so this one's mostly just ripped from engstars with some minor changes for readability.

♪ obligatory disclaimer! none of this is mine, i'm just sharing it for my love of our idol boys. all content belongs to happy elements ♪

rei: ... ♪

Oh? Well, well, if it isn't our young lady Producer. What could have possibly brought you here? This dormitory should be out of bounds to a lady like you.

A broken taboo in this world induced either divine retribution or direful curses. You may have already invited the devil after you! Kekeke ♪

Yet now is not the time for pleasant vampire chats.

You seem most troubled. Very well, I, Rei Sakuma, shall lend a hand.

I'm always indebted to you, young lady, so allow me to return the favor. Truth be told, demons are much more genuine and earnest than humans.

Hm? Is it inappropriate if I call you "young lady"?

Because the intimacy between producers and idols will leave a negative impression on fans?

Hmm, you are correct. I have yet to fully comprehend the appropriate distance humans keep between each other...

I have, for ages hitherto, considered myself a longer, a beast inhabiting the dark.

But people around me, including you, warmly recieved me as one of your kind...

This is why I can finally breathe fresh air and wear a smile.

Words cannot express my gatefulness. I would do anything for you.

As age has deprived me of all joy except giving allowances to children ♪

Kekeke. It was wrong of me to treat you as a child.

I admit that it is one flaw of mine to treat those around me liek young children.

It proved nowhere near unpleasant back at Yumenosaki Academy.

But now that I have become a part of society...

Suddenly I find myself surrounded by older adults.

Thus I should exercise care and treat everyone as equals.

My sincere gratitude for reminding me, Producer. Please don't hesitate to point out my inadequacies.

... There, there. Don't give me that look, will you? I didn't keep you my audience for nothing.

I have arranged everything on my phone while talking.

As much as I don't like machines, they sure are convenient... What concerns me, on the other hand, is that such comfort brought by out advanced civilization might eventually lead to the degeneration of humanity.

Yet this is in a way evolution as well. Adaptation knows no discrimination.

Change is much more desirable and valuable than stasis.

Kekeke, I see... My investigation has enlightened me on what happened.

The right person fares better than the internet in a time like this.

There was an idol drunk at a banquet who kept whining about not being able to walk...

And you had no choice but to accompany him back to the dorms in a taxi.

I believe such work is more manager than producer...

Could it be that you are too used to undertaking everything by yourself?

It will help if you recognize such a demand as peculiar. However reluctant I am to find fault with anyone for the past...

Idols are no saints. Things might have gone wrong under such circumstances.

How could you possibly tell he was not planning something unforgivable under the pretense of intoxication?

Though you are free to believe that an idol would not do anything that will upset their fans...

Unfortunately, not all people are well-intended. Never had a single second passed without accidents or incidents.

Do take more care of yourself. I would turn over in my grave if something happened to you.

I would most certainly live with indelible regrets until my last breath.

Is it your intention to leave me an eternal scar?

Kekeke. That was a bit harsh of me... You were the one frightened and thus hurt.

I shouldn't utter anything judgemental like that.

You are a smart child, and I am sure that you have learned your lesson with a fright.

Hmm. I will take care of this certain problematic idol.

Even if he meant no harm, even if he inconvenienced you inadvertently... I can't sit by and watch.

I will discipline him. My standing in the industry enables me to do so to whomever he might be.

Well, I hope you are wiser but not sadder after today, and that you get back to work as usual.

Forget about the annoyances... but make sure that they don't happen again.

Pinky promise, then... ♪

Hmm, good girl. I will walk you outside. There is no need to act as though you were a thief about to break a window.

I have cleared our surroundings, so no one would see us.

This way, young lady. I will take you to safety... ♪

...

... See? You should pay attention to what I'm saying. You cannot possibly read my mind-

What if I, like the devil, were to harm you?

If you let your guard down like this, there is no promise that I wouldn't sink my teeth into you from behind...

As someone who nearly paid for your kindness, you really should be more suspicious of others.

Well, I presume this is your virtue. How sad it would be if we should start to suspect everybody...

Innocence is never a sin.

But do please remember this much- we idols love you, and we are concerned about you.

I, not as a colleague, but as an individual human being, pray for your happiness.

For our sake, please take care of yourself.

Very well. Let's end such heavy talk if you have kept my words in mind.

Return to where you belong. I will escort you as long as you wish.

Now then, Producer... Enjoy your walk with the vampire on this beautiful, serene night ♪

#ensemble stars #enstars #rei sakuma #idol story

[firelord-frowny]

lol been a While since ive bitched about Gender Feelings

sometimes i legit feel like ~transness~ wouldn’t be such an emotionally and existentially distressing experience if it weren’t for the fact that society* insists on separating every. fucking. thing. into Girl and Boy. 

Colors. clothing. general fashion/aesthetic. taste in music. favorite animals. hobbies. movie genres. lmao even music instruments omfg. dudes getting made fun of for playing the flute bc it’s Too Girly. girls getting made fun off for playing the trombone because it’s Big And Masculine and surely a wee little dainty lady is better suited for a harp, or perhaps, The Triangle. 

people bend over backwards to cram everything into neat Gender Boxes, and that’s the only reason, I think, why some people feel such a desperate need to add more boxes. more options. instead of having just two categories, add a third! a fourth! a fifth! mix-and-match if you please! 

and honestly, that alone isn’t SO bad, i don’t think, but the thing that really fucks it all up is the fact that Society uses a person’s perceived gender as a way of deciding how to treat that person. We expect that a man should behave This Way toward other men and That Way toward women. we expect women to be Like This with other women, and Like That with men. And because it’s such a deeply rooted expectation, people want so desperately for others to interact with them in a manner that affirms their gender, whether they’re cis or trans or fluid or whatever else. a cis woman is liable to feel uncomfortable if someone interacts with them in a way they feel men are interacted with. a cis man would get weirded out by platonic acquaintances who, perhaps, pull out their chair for them, or open a door and gesture politely for them to go inside. a trans dude might feel utterly gutted if someone describes them as a cutie pie. 

can you imagine if that shit was a non issue? If your gender didn’t influence the way strangers interact with you in an elevator? if your gender didn’t inform what kind of small talk a person initiates with you? If the way people interact with you didn’t serve as a constant reminder that the body you live in is at odds with the way you feel you were meant to be perceived??

i’m not even saying that i think transness would cease to exist under those circumstances. but i think it would definitely be a lot less painful. i think the prospect of having to live your whole life without ever transitioning wouldn’t seem like such a miserable fate. it wouldn’t make you wanna jump off a fucking bridge every time someone incorrectly assumed your gender. the task of coming out to everyone you ever knew wouldn’t feel quite so daunting. 

sometimes i feel like i hate the fact that there’s even a need for so many ~new~ words and concepts to describe people’s gender experience. like, i don’t hate that people create language to describe these things, and I don’t hate the language, but i DO hate the fact that it’s necessary, because it exists, in part at least, to ease the suffering and bring comfort to people who are constantly reminded that there’s no room for them in the two Big Boxes that everyone else fits into. 

if there were no boxes, there’d be no need to fit in anywhere in particular. and if there was no need to fit in anywhere in particular, people could feel free to simply exist and not feel pressure to either pretend to be something they’re not, or go out of their way to prove to the world that they are what they are. 

hate it. its exhausting. 

i dont fuckin care about gender or what words people use to describe me or what words i use to describe myself. i don’t need to be a ~man~ and i don’t need to be Not A Woman and i don’t need to be genderfluid or nonbinary or transmasculin. i literally just wish i was born more or less anatomically male. that’s it. that’s all! literally do not care about my ~pronouns~. literally do not care what assumptions someone might make about me based on neither the gender they think i am, nor the gender i know i am. my gender is about ME and MY comfort in MY body. it’s got shit all with what anyone else sees or thinks when they look at me. i mean yeah, it would be hella nice if someone could glance at me and know what i know about myself. but i don’t need to be devastated by the fact that that’s not the case. the two most important things i am are a writer and a musician and nobody knows that about me at first glance and it doesn’t kill me. so why should i, emotionally, require that people know i’m ~a dude~ at a glance?? 

i did used to feel like it was a crushing blow to be seen as something i’m not. and then it dawned on me that there’s no reason why the I Don’t Care What People Think Of Me attitude, which I’ve always embraced, should inexplicably exclude gender. 

anyway, it makes my soul sad to see all the ways a gender-obsessed society wounds people. 

idk, i don’t even necessarily think it’s automatically a bad or harmful thing for people to make assumptions or behave a certain way toward people on the basis of what gender they think they are (as long as they’re coming from a respectful place, obviously.) I just wish we didn’t have to have such strong emotional attachments to gendered expectations.

#*obligatory disclaimer that i'm talking about MY society as in the one i live in and am familiar with #hella hate when somebody makes a statement about their experience in the place where they live #and then somebody swoops in out of nowhere to bitch about how #~ahem you dumb idiot ignorant imperialist scum american #the circumstances you're describing don't exist in my rural argentinian town how dare you~ #like oh my fucking god chill #people literally do not have to provide context for every little thing they say #people can talk about shit as generally as they like and if it doesn't apply to something else #then so fucking what omfg if it doesn't apply then it doesn't apply. move the fuck on #if you're curious about the details of what a person is sharing then uhhh idk maybe you could FUCKING ASK??? #and if you don't care enough to ask then you also don't care enough to get mad about it. #go away