#Abhi/Krish | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

t-anyasen · 7 years

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iv. sufiana

general notes; so this is the third installment of the costars au for krish and tanya. basically tanya is a debut actress and krish is much more established. all of the installments will follow the timeline of the films they’ve done together and whatever is in between. this is installment number four, meaning that this is film number four. from this installment onwards, it will not be divided up in films as it previously was. also parts of this are NSFW.

Krish was staring at Manish in a way that he knew would make the other man uncomfortable. But such was the situation. Krish hadn't been reading any new scripts, choosing instead to focus on the scripts he had on hand, and completing them to the best of his ability. Of course, this was proving to be more and more difficult now with the way every night he found himself wide awake with thoughts of Tanya fluttering through his mind. He knew it wasn't right especially considering how Tanya had looked for nearly any occasion not to avoid him even when they saw each other at filmy parties. But now Manish was there, holding a script that he knew Krish had been wanting to sign, it was with a new director backed by a very prestigious production house but the script--he'd been hearing a lot about it and about how the roles were etched out with so much weight and background that whoever enacted the key titular roles would find themselves sweeping all the awards and accolades when the film came out. But Krish also had heard through the grapevine that Abhimanyu, who he was also pretty much avoiding was signaled in as one of the top contenders and wondered if he should just let the man have the movie. But he'd done that with Tanya in the first place, knowing Abhi's interest was in her--Krish had backed away and had possibly caused himself the most heartache he'd experienced. And so he flipped through the script, finding it unable to put down until he called Manish who had gone home hours ago and told him that Krish was ready to sign in. This film was his--no matter what.

Tanya stared at the script in front of her. It had been delivered to her well over two weeks ago, and she was supposed to announce a decision to her manager tonight. Tanya had only gotten through the first page so far. She stifled her sigh, picking it up once again. Maybe this time the thoughts of Krish Malhotra would not distract her, although anybody who knew her - knew that was the dumbest thing to suggest. There was no way that Krish wouldn't be in her head. He hadn't been able to leave it, ever since the last time they'd seen each other. It had been at a party and yet Tanya had spent most of the time trying to avoid him otherwise she was sure she would do something stupid, like kiss him again, or tell him how she'd been in love with him for the longest time. Tanya had already screwed up his friendship with Abhimanyu and she'd ruined their friendship too by taking advantage of him. It was best that she just stay away from Krish Malhotra - for his own good. "I'll do it," she told Sunita, dumping the script in the woman's lap. "I like it, and it'll get me more awards." She paused at the expression on Sunita's face and nodded. "What?" "It's opposite Krish..." Tanya felt as if all the air had been sucked from her lungs and she gaped at her manager. "I--I---" After that embarrassment, Tanya had shut her mouth so she didn't look like a dying fish. "I'm still doing it." She just hoped she wouldn't regret the decision.

Krish had been told about the actress who had signed the film, but Manish had smartly waited until Krish had arrived at the production house to finally have the first script reading with the entire cast present. "Tanya? Aur tune mujhe bataya bhi nahi?" Krish couldn't work with her, not when his every thought circled around the night they'd shared, around each and every kiss they'd shared on screen, hating the fact that those moments were immortal on celluloid and for some reason, Qayamat always was on some channel or the other every other night and yes--Krish would watch it--allowing himself to dwell back into the past, into when they'd first met, into all the things he'd done and everything he should've done differently. But now, he was there, and if he backed out now--it would be obvious why and Krish couldn't do that and so he arrived at the conference room, smiling politely at everyone before greeting the first time director with a grin and taking his seat, his heart already anxious at the thought of seeing Tanya again, of feeling her so close considering they were meant to be seated together during the reading to play more off of one another. They could do this--they were both established actors--faking it wouldn't be too hard. But--they'd also have to fake the ease in their dynamic, and that was something Krish didn't think he could do this time around.

Tanya fussed over her reflection first in her own home, then in the glass reflection of her phone, and then in the black tainted windows of her car once she'd stepped out of it, before smoothing down her dress for the umpteenth time in front of the glass doors of the production house. Tanya was full to the brim with a nervous energy she couldn't quite explain but she was sure the five cups of coffee she'd had before this meeting would have something to do with it. And she didn't even particularly care for coffee. She just wanted to stay at home, wanted to tell Sunita she'd changed her mind. It was funny because the second she entered the room and her gaze fell on Krish, Tanya felt as she was going to lose her mind. She wanted to tell him she missed him, she missed him more than anything in the world but she didn't know how. The oceans of distance between them, the silence between them was almost deafening. She took a seat next to him, graciously accepting the script that was passed to her and murmured a soft, "Hi." The whispers between the crew who had been expecting Krish and Tanya to reunite as the best friends they were, except they didn't know - that had ended a long time ago. It had ended when she had tugged Krish Malhotra into bed with her.

Krish looked up at her instantly when he'd heard the door open, and he knew it sounded ridiculously filmy but Krish could swear that the moment she entered, it was like a soft breeze entered the room, and if he was a little more in the mood to make it sound poetic, he would've said he heard violins as well. But he didn't say that, and instead just kept his gaze on her, watching the way she silently said her hellos, until she took her seat next to him. He heard her soft greeting and couldn't help but shift to face her, his heart beating erratically as he took her in. The dress she was wearing was really just enhancing all her features and he was struggling to keep his attention on the producer who was attempting to address the cast for some reason. "Hi," he whispered back, suddenly aware of the fact that even if everyone was pretending to listen to the producer, all their eyes were on the lead pair--waiting for them to turn back into the old Krish and Tanya, the ones who were constantly teasing one another and being well friendly. But ever since that night, ever since the distance in their friendship--Krish had given up hope of ever going back to that--and really that's what hurt more because he was in love with her and he'd lost her in every way even though the only reason he hadn't said anything to her before was because he was afraid to hurt their friendship and now--that was gone as well. "I didn't know you signed this one until this morning," he murmured, ignoring the producer again.

Tanya kept her gaze on the script, not wanting to look at him; she knew if she looked at him, the dagger in her heart would twist again. It would remind her she could not have him, no matter how much she longed to. She could never have him, he would never see her the way that she saw him and that was why she'd ended their friendship. It had been easier to be friends with him when nothing had happened between them: there was after all, a difference between making love on camera and making love for real. Now that Tanya had a taste of what that felt like, she wasn't sure she could just go back to pretending as if she felt nothing for Krish Malhotra because the truth was she did. She felt a hell lot of things, none of them which she could act upon. Yes, breaking the friendship had been a good thing, at least this way she wasn't causing herself unnecessary pain. So then why did it feel like the worst mistake she'd ever made? Why did it still feel like she was suffocating? Why did being around him hurt this way? "I didn't-- I did know. Sunita told me after I signed it," Tanya mumbled, but gave no further explanation. She couldn't do this without being hurt.

Krish didn't say anything, but he'd noted the way she was looking down at her script, as if the secret to a happy life or a fountain of youth was hidden inside somewhere. Krish wouldn't draw attention to it because he knew she hated being chided in front of people, but also because he didn't believe he was allowed to anymore. Instead, he feigned interest in whatever it was the director was saying, discussing the overall morale of the set which included the cast and crew as well but his attention was still transfixed on Tanya. He wanted to reach out for her, he wanted to say something, he wanted to take her hand and lead her outside into the empty hallway, but Krish knew he couldn't. They had lost that when their friendship had broken and now--he had no idea how they were supposed to be with one another. "So--what drew you to this character?" Oh yes, Krish was aware talking in one of these meetings was normally frowned upon but he knew that Tanya wouldn't really talk to him otherwise--plus, he was Krish Malhotra, and that usually helped him in these matters.

Tanya pursed her lips when Krish continued talking and she wanted nothing more than to excuse both him and herself from the room and sit in the nearest Starbucks as they caught up. She could tell him about the time Aashna did had put her favourite jeans in the wash, except she'd also put Tanya's favourite top with it which meant the white pants came out looking like a hot pink. She wanted to tell him how she'd finally learned how to make something other than Maggi, and despite that resume, Aashna didi refused to let her anywhere near the kitchen unless it was to get something from the fridge or heat up leftovers. More than anything though, Tanya wanted to tell Krish how she missed him; how some nights she'd curl up in his shirts and fall asleep because she had grown so used to falling asleep on the couch in his media room. She did none of these things, and instead did something that only broke her heart further. "I'm trying to listen to the director," she murmured, and hoped ( rather she prayed ) that was the end of the conversation.

Krish could see Tanya contemplating what to say to him, what all to express about whatever he'd asked but instead--when she did open her mouth, he felt another cold bucket of water wash over him. "Oh," he nodded, moving back into his own space, choosing to give her back the space she probably needed. Krish didn't know how he was going to get through this film. How was he supposed to look at her, and not be transported to their past, the past where he actually felt like she cared about him too? He knew what had happened between them was a mistake in her eyes, but it didn't have to become a mistake that changed them both so drastically--did it? He listened for a few more seconds before clearing his throat and standing up. "Excuse me, I've got a phone call to make--Manish will take notes if there's anything important I miss." He nodded at the director before taking his phone and stepping outside of the conference room, needing to take a few moments to allow himself to go back to being Krish Malhotra the man who was always unaffected by everything around him.

Tanya wouldn't admit it but when he stood to leave, Tanya's eyes followed him until the door shut. And when she heard the hinges nearly slam off with the force it had been closed, Tanya felt the flinch deep in her bones. It was almost as if he were closing the door on them entirely. You know that's not fair, her conscience chided and she knew it was right. She couldn't blame it all on him, it was her fault after all. She was the one who had said it was better if they stopped being friends for a while. When a little while had spanned into a long while, Tanya was still trying to figure out. Of course, what she didn't realize was Krish's manager had been watching her expressions this entire time; a fact he would tuck away for later. Tanya chewed on her bottom lip, her gaze on the script as she listened to the director but it was no use. Not when her thoughts constantly strayed to Krish. She wasn't friends with him, and yet he was all she ever thought about. Tanya wondered why this was happening. Was this because she'd hurt the feelings of KJo's favourite star kid? But was he even hurt? He seemed fine to Tanya. Sure sweetie, keep telling yourself that. And she would; it was far better than the alternative; the alternative being him actually feeling something for her. And that was impossible.

Krish had only thought about returning to the room much later, much after he'd smoked a cigarette; a very bad habit that he'd picked up in the last few months. It was bad and he knew that especially considering how it was hindering his workouts. But Krish didn't care much anymore. It was a better habit to turn to rather than all the other things he had at easy access. Krish was just walking back from the balcony when he caught one of the crew members stepping out of the room. "What happened? Meeting over?" The man simply shook his head and so Krish decided to re-enter the room, knowing that if he didn't--Manish was going to have his head in the next few hours. "Sorry about that, the call ran late," he gave everyone his famous Krish Malhotra smile and reclaimed his seat, this time moving a bit further away from Tanya, suddenly realizing she didn't know about his habit and if she smelt it on him--it wasn't going to be good. Of course, he'd worn a lot of cologne to mask it, but at the same time--he realized Tanya wouldn't care anymore, so even if his thoughts, his mind, his heart was always with her--she was happier away from him.

Tanya watched as Krish shuffled his seat approximately a foot away from her. She wouldn't have thought too much of it, if she hadn't smelled the nicotine on him from miles away. It was a nasty habit, one she'd spent years getting her father to quit and so to know that Krish indulged in it, pierced at her heart. Maybe this was a good thing, this distance. She could finally see his true colours. Except the way her heart clearly ached at the sight of him, at the way he was looking away from her - she knew it wasn't. She would never be truly happy if Krish was out of her life. Especially since so much of her happiness centered around him. Tanya pulled out her phone, discretely of course ( she hid it behind her script ) and typed out a text to Krish. Since when do you smoke? - T.

Krish had actually been getting engrossed in the script, finding the characters all engaging and jumping off the pages because of how well they'd been written. And so when his phone had beeped, he'd wanted to ignore it, but he knew that wasn't his style. Krish Malhotra was one of those types of people who actually responded to texts and missed calls right away. And so he did end up pulling out his phone and honestly the second he caught the name on the message, he looked up at her, not missing how her phone was hidden behind her script, which had him surprised. Had she purposely texted him? Of course, the second he opened it--he wasn't very happily surprised because he'd put on enough cologne to mask the smell, at least he thought he had. Since when do you care? No no no, backspace backspace backspace. Damn, can you smell it? I thought I hid it well. Just picked it up a few months ago, it's just for--I'm not addicted or anything. - Krish Why was he giving her an explanation? Tanya didn't care, she wouldn't and it was stupid of him to think she would.

Tanya knew she couldn't glare at Krish, as part of her 'We Can't Be Friends Anymore' plan so she settled for the next best thing: glancing at Krish's contact photo on her phone. Why would he pick it up? And why hadn't he finished the sentence? She prayed the original ending of the sentence had not been it's just for fun because then she would seriously consider breaking her plan to smack him upside the head with a script. She had to not care; she couldn't care about him this way anymore, especially considering how they weren't friends. Yeah because of you, her heart grumbled, unconsciously ( or maybe it was consciously ) urging her to forget this stupid plan. It's not like it was working. She still thought of Krish day and night, he never left her mind to begin with. [i Cool, have fun with your lungs full of tar and the fear of lung cancer. - T. There were so many more things she wanted to say, but she was a new person now. She was Unaffected Tanya (patent pending), and Unaffected Tanya did not care what Krish did. Except the Tanya locked up in her heart did. Tanya put her phone back in her pocket then, staring at her script. If Krish didn't care about his health, then why should she? And yet she couldn't stop.

Krish hated that she wouldn't look at him. Honestly, it made him feel as if he was so repulsive to her now that she couldn't even bear to look at him. But he watched her begin to type another message and allowed the anticipation in his heart to race. Because he wanted to know what she had to say. He wanted her concern, he wanted her to tell him that he was an idiot, he wanted her to say anything but act indifferent about it. But the moment he read her message and watched her stuck her phone back in her pocket--he knew there was no point to say anything. But still, he decided to compose another message, one that she'd read later at least. It's not something I do every day, it's just to get rid of my stress. It's not like I'm going to die or something. And hey, I promise during any of our scenes--I won't even touch it so you won't have to deal with it. But once he sent it, he tried hard not to keep staring at her but it was proving to be virtually impossible when she was right there, so close. "And now if our two lead actors would enact the scene on page 74, as a mock audition, that would be good." What, Krish hadn't been told about any mock auditions and judging by Tanya's reaction--she definitely didn't want to do this either.

Tanya felt as if all the air had been knocked from her lungs when the director expressed his wish. She didn't want to; this would put a serious damper on her We Can't Be Friends Anymore plan. Not only that, but Unaffected Tanya as she knew it would disappear only to replaced with Lovesick Tanya and between just the two of us, Tanya hated lovesick Tanya because of how she made her feel. It was nice to be in love right? Wrong. It was awful to be in love, especially because the person she was in love with would never love her back. Such was her fate. She shut her eyes then, not wanting to think about it and instead only stood up, holding the script in her hands as she cleared her throat. "Main tumhara kitna wait kiya, par tum.. tum toh kabhi nahin aaye. Kyun? Pyar nahin karte mujhse?" Tanya recited the lines, feeling the sinking feeling in her chest only grow more pronounced. If only she could say these words to Krish, if only he knew this was how she felt...

Krish knew that the second she'd say her lines and he'd jump into character, the entire atmosphere would shift. Because no matter how she treated him now off camera--when she was in front of it, she was the most professional actress of their generation. Krish truly did admire her, because he'd seen her grow from the naive nervous girl she'd been on their first day of shooting for Qayamat, and now to being this girl who knew what she was doing entirely--it was good to see how much she'd improved because of how passionate she was towards her career. But when she spoke, Krish's mouth went dry and he didn't know what his next line was supposed to be. He wanted to say something entirely different because dammit he wanted her to know just how he felt but he couldn't do that. "Aana tha mujhe, lekin--pata nahi tha na, ke tum kaise react karogi?" In the script, it asked for his character to reach for hers, but this was just a table read and so he wouldn't do it, instead, he'd move on to the next line. "Tum--tumhe pata toh hai, ke mere dil mein tumhare liye kya hai. I mean--haven't I told you a million times, in a million different ways?" And Krish had to suppress the laugh bubbling in his chest because of the irony, he had shown her in a couple hundred different ways how he felt towards her, but Tanya, she always just saw it as friendship--and maybe that was the problem.

Tanya wanted to shut her eyes so desperately, she wanted to run away because she could see Krish's lips moving, she could see him forming these words but she knew they weren't him. It was the character he was playing, that wasn't the problem. The problem was that Tanya wanted him to say these words to her. Instead, her grip tightened on the script as she cleared her throat. "Dikhane se kya faida? Dikhaya toh tumne uss Meena ko bhi tha college main, main yakeen kaise karoon? Kaise karoon yakeen ki tumhara pyar mere liye sacha hai?" The plotline of the film really was depressing and when Tanya had read it, her character had seemed like the antihero, so riddled in her own insecurities that she didn't realize this man loved her with all of his heart, that he wasn't leaving despite everyone thinking that she was crazy, that she should have been locked up. It was when the director cleared his throat that Tanya realized it was still her line. "Sorry," she murmured before continuing, "agar karte bhi ho, toh kyun? Sab toh mujhe pagal kehte hain? Tumhe ek pagal ladki se pyaar karna hai? Ek ladki jisko kisi pagal khane main hona chahiye? Aisi ladki ko apni biwi banana chahte ho?"

Krish hated the feeling in his chest right now. It was as if his heart was constricting and yet he had no remedy for it. Instead he'd take a few sips of water while she spoke, praying it would help and distract him right now because if he chose to look up at her, everything he'd struggled to build right now would fall apart. He was Krish Malhotra, he didn't get easily swayed by anything or anyone. So no matter what everything was thinking regarding the relationship they both shared--he never said a word of it to anyone. Once she was done her line, he looked up at her, for a moment being surprised at how that sounded, because of some reason--he didn't see her character, he saw her. And when she asked about him wanting to make her his wife, something inside Krish snapped. How could he not tell this girl how he felt? How could he not just take her in his arms and confess that he'd never wanted anything as much as he wanted her? And how before, every day of his was good because she was there, and they'd laugh and smile and do things together. But now--now every day felt like a gloomy cloud hung over him, depressing and painful. But that wasn't enough--was it? Tanya needed a love like the one Abhi gave her, Krish could never muster up that type of pure love. Because well Krish's love was littered with negative emotions too like jealousy as well--he could never be completely like Abhimanyu and truthfully he didn't want to be. "Kyunki tum hi ho jisne mere dil ki dhadkanon ko itni tezi se dhadakaya hain. Tum hi ho jiske bina mera har din adhoora lagta hain. You're the only one I want in my life and if you still need a reason for why I love you--then maybe you never really loved me in the first place." He paused, looking down at the script in front of him once more. "Aur agar tune kabhi bhi mujhse pyaar nahi kiya toh intezaar kyun kiya mera?"

Tanya once again wished that these words leaving Krish's lips were for her and not for the character she was playing; she wished that those words would be what he felt, rather than words on a script. Perhaps that was the most torturous part of their relationship, the fact that she had to spend all these days and all these nights with him, in his proximity, pretending that they were in love. When in reality, they weren't even on speaking terms. She shut her eyes then, knowing that although it wasn't in the script, her character too would be feeling the same pain that was coursing through Tanya right now. How was she to tell Krish that she couldn't? SHe couldn't pretend any longer; she couldn't pretend that she didn't have feelings for her; not when she'd been in love with him since their very first film, and how those feelings had only deepened. They had deepened into the Mariana's Trench after they'd had sex. Now Tanya could not erase the feeling of his lips against her neck, or the way he whispered her name, repetitive like a prayer every time he drove into her, filling her up with every single inch of him. Tanya exhaled, glancing down at her script again. "Aisa mat kaho-- Tumhe toh pata hai... I've never loved anyone but you! Aise kaise keh sakte ho? Bachpan se maine ek hi toh kaam kiya hai, tumse pyaar karna. Mujhe aur kuch aata hi nahin. Aur rahi baat tumhara intezaar karne ki... Intezaar kiya maine, kyunki main tumse pyaar karti hoon. Kyunki main doosron ki baat nahin maanti thi, jab woh kehte the ki tum wapas nahin aaoge. Main jaanti thi -- you'd come back..."

Krish let out the softest sigh, praying it would go unnoticed because that wasn't his character, that was him. He didn't want to do this anymore, pretend to be a character when in reality, all he really wanted was to hold her close and profess his love for her. But she didn't even want them to be friends anymore which was why there was absolutely no way he could go ahead and tell her anything. Instead, he listened to her words and nodded. "And I did. I came back to you because aur kahin jaata bhi nahi. Sirf tumhare paas aa sakhta hoon main, pyaar karta hoon main tumse, aur tum yeh baat accept karna hi nahi chahti, aur pata nahi kyun. All I've ever done is--try to make you smile, make you happy." He paused before glancing up at her. "Why do you think I've been here through it all? Har bura rishta tumhare, har baat mein kaun tha tumhare saath?" And that's when her character was supposed to rush into his arms and yet, "I think there's something missing," He said quickly. "I just don't think--it's a good enough build up." He glanced at the director, waiting for his reaction because Krish wasn't trying to make the writer feel bad--there needed to be something else in that scene.

Tanya did not want to agree with Krish, especially when she was supposed to be mad at him. Yet as the days dragged on, and the silences between them grew longer Tanya could only wonder what had made her so mad in the first place. Especially since she wanted nothing more than to kiss him again, to feel his lips against her skin and his lips whispering her name in that same way - the one that made her feel loved. "I agree. I think that my character's illness is just alluded to. We shouldn't be afraid to address it, maybe a breakdown should happen? Between the line Krish ji just said, and the line i had said before." She glanced down at her script then, taking a sip of water instead and yet when she swallowed, the lump in her throat remained.

Krish hated when she called him Krish ji as if they'd shared nothing before. Not their numerous kisses. Not their movies. Not their laughs. Not even their moments together. They were strangers, that's what she wanted from him. "And I agree with Tanya as well," he wouldn't stoop that low. He would never forget what they'd shared even if she was growing more and more adamant to do so. "It'd be more dramatic and of course my character would jump at the chance of being her saviour." Especially since Krish and his characters had some hero complex...too bad Tanya would never want that from him anymore.

Tanya turned to look at Krish, trying to understand what it was he was hinting at, and yet she came blank. Even more than that, why did she care about what he thought? Or what he did? She’d made it very clear to him that this was not the best time for them to be friends. Except that had been a selfish decision, a decision she’d made once Tanya had realized even the word friends was a thorn in her side. It lived there constantly stabbing Tanya until she bled, and only waited a split second before attacking the wound once more, never allowing it to heal. It was these wounds that overshadowed her love for the man in front of her right now. She may have loved him with all her heart, but everything surrounding her made it impossible for her to be with him: number one reason, he didn’t even want her. Tanya didn’t say anything after that, instead subtly stared at Krish, trying to memorize the changes to his face.

Krish scratched at his jaw, trying desperately hard to ignore the way she was looking at him. It was silly and strange but he was always very aware of when her eyes were on him. It was why during the early times of their friendship, he was easily able to tell when she'd been in a situation during promotions and needed his help; he'd always be there instantly--being her saviour. But now, she didn't even want their friendship, so of course, the chance for everything that went along with that was gone. Krish had often wondered why he'd gone ahead and given into his impulses that night when she'd broken up with Abhi, he'd controlled it for so long before then and if he'd just remained her platonic friend through that--at least right now he'd have been able to hold onto that. But instead, she'd removed herself from his life, and just expected for him to easily deal with it as well, and he was--the best that he could. Of course, it made it easier when he noted just how normal she appeared to be as if their distance had no effect on her whatsoever.

Tanya only shut her eyes, running over the script for the hundredth time. Not that she needed to; she had this scene memorized like the back of her hand. This would be the first time since Qayamat she and Krish were to engage in an intimate scene. It had been so different then; he had been so kind, so caring, so loving. How were they supposed to do it now? When they weren’t even on talking terms with one another? Tanya opened her eyes slowly, looking at the script once more. And this was rougher than anything else they had ever done. The scene was to start with him pressing her into a bookshelf as their kiss only grew deeper and more passionate, their hands fumbling with one another, struggling to pull clothes off before he’d toss her onto the bed. After that It was pretty routine with closeups and kissing but it was the proximity that would get to Tanya. She exhaled, allowing the hair stylist to tease her hair just right, and the makeup artist to touch up her no makeup look. She stepped onto the set, clutching her script, her heart racing in her chest.

Krish had never poured over a script quite as religiously as he was doing so tonight, it was as if no matter how many times he read it--he couldn't grasp it. He knew what was happening, he'd heard it enough times from the director who was so sure that by cashing in on a scene like this with KriYa his film was a surefire hit. Krish, on the other hand, wasn't quite so sure. He emerged a little while later from his vanity, dressed in a pair of jeans a red button down shirt that looked strikingly good against his features according to the costume designer of the film--who was far too touchy for his liking. Still, he took his position on set, watching a few moments later as Tanya stepped onto it, her team still checking her clothing, her hair, and her makeup while he caught the way she was holding her script. It felt like years since the last time they'd engaged in something like this, on camera at least. And truthfully, Krish wasn't even sure how it was going to go, or how many retakes they'd require. "Are you both ready?" Krish turned to see the director checking his watch before looking up at his two leads, waiting for their response. "Ready," Krish spoke quietly, thankful at how sparse the crew was on set for this particular scene; an attempt to make it at least a bit more comfortable.

Tanya glanced down at the script she was clutching so tightly between her fingers and her eyes caught Krish’s who stood on set, looking assured. The smile that broke out on her face seemed almost natural then, and it felt like years since she’d smiled at him. She wondered if he’d been thinking the same thing as her, the first time they’d done this. She had been exactly the same, clutching the script so tightly in her hands, the poor pages could have ripped apart. He had been there then, with his soft voice and his warm hands as he whispered how he would make sure she was comfortable. She hadn’t thought on the sets of Qayamat that their pairing would become such fire. It seemed as if every fan either wanted them to get together in real life, or do every single one of their films together. She remembered when she wished for the same things too - she still did - it was such an easier time. Sometimes Tanya wished she had never kissed him that night, maybe then they could have at least still been stuck between that awkward zone of best friend and relationship where she was free to pine as she pleased. Tanya took her position against the bookshelf, back pressing against the spine of numerous books. “Hi,” she murmured, wondering if just for this shoot, they could drop their act and become Krish&Tanya once more.

Krish really hadn't expected for her to say anything to him. The assumption in his eyes had been that they'd get through the scene as quickly and as painlessly as they could before retreating back to their own corners. (Their vans were on opposite sides of the film lot). But he ended up smiling back at her, surprised to see the ease in her expression, despite the scene they were about to shoot and nodded. "Hi back," he whispered before taking his own position, his back to the camera, one hand clutching the bookshelf right above her head. "You--you okay?" He could still ask that maybe they weren't friends anymore, and they certainly weren't anything more. But they were colleagues and as a co-actor, he was ensuring she was comfortable something--he'd always do. "I mean, with the scene." A part of him did want to add that she should be, considering she'd done a scene that was a lot bolder with her then boyfriend, Abhi as well, even though it hadn't been well-received by the public at all. But Krish bit back that comment and simply waited for her answer.

Tanya laughed at his concern and only nodded. “Yeah, yeah - it’s just a scene right?” The unspoken words however simmered between them, how their own encounter had happened exactly like this, except it had been Tanya who had made the first move. How she hadn’t been anyone /since/ and she didn’t want to be with anyone except for him. “At least, it’s a lot nicer than the other scene,” she murmured, reminded of the god awful intimate scene she had shot with Abhimanyu where there was way too much skin. They had been given an Adult content warning, and yet even then it was too much for the Indian audience. It was terrible, a film that should have gotten Tanya some sort of accolade ( she’d played a therapist to a sex addict ) only sent her career into a slump as critics began wondering what kind of actress she really was. It was then that she had really wanted to call Krish, she wanted to hear him reassure her, to remind her that she wasn’t some sort of cheap slut, that she did films she believed in and that he believed in her. Except they weren’t talking, so Tanya had become a hermit instead. It was the icing on top of the cake too, that the film had been delayed in post production so it had released after she had broken up with Abhimanyu. “I like this colour on you,” Tanya finally said, when the silence threatened to choke her. “It makes you look good.”

Krish didn't realize what was taking so long with the lightening especially since the director and DOP had already expressed that they were ready for this scene. But Krish ignored it, his attention remaining on Tanya once more because for once it felt like things were semi normal between then once more. He shrugged at her words and the way she was trying to brush it off and nodded. But when she spoke about her other scene, he sighed quietly, remembering how he'd felt while watching it. How his fist had been threatening to punch anything he'd encountered that night, and how he'd been sitting in a screening hall filled with the producers and crew of the film; Abhi and Tanya nowhere to be found considering the timeline. Krish glanced at her when she praised him and only grinned a bit more before shrugging. "You always liked red on me," he murmured before clearing his throat. "I mean you used to mention that before too--during promotions for the other films," he looked back at her then, surprised at how naive and innocent she was looking and how really--Krish didn't want to wait for the call for action. He wanted to kiss her right then in that moment, and take her behind this very bookshelf, not allowing anyone to see them. After they'd been intimate for real that one time, he now felt like everything they shared was personal, and not at all for public consumption--too bad that was never going to happen since Tanya wanted nothing to do with him.

Tanya gave him a gentle smile at his words as her fingers played with the edge of his shirt, buttoning and unbuttoning the last button as a way to calm herself. “I stand by it. Makes you look very— I don’t know what the word is, but you look better than you usually do.” Or maybe it was the fact that she hadn’t seen him like this in so long, the fact that she hadn’t been this close to him in so long, or even this civil with him that was different. “What do you think of the scene?” A quick glance over Krish’s shoulder to see that the DOP was still fiddling with the lighting, playing with the brightness and dimness of the angles and seeing which would come off best on camera. Tanya knew what she thought of the scene; she knew she would have to do a damn good job of acting to not let her true feelings slip. Her worst nightmare would be to accidentally whisper an ‘I love you.’ Especially since it was nowhere in the script. This scene was to be about pure attraction; once her character’s illness was revealed it became more about compassion and softens rather than the raw passion this scene required.

Krish looked down at where her hands were, wishing that she wouldn't do that. It only made his urge to take her away from this place stronger and Krish couldn't do that, not when this woman didn't even want for them to be friends. This civilness right now was fleeting and as soon as the scene would be done--it would all be over. It was good for him to remember that. Yet he heard her words and shrugged. "I think the word you're going for--is sexy," he suggested, knowing he was crossing the line that Tanya had drawn up for them a few weeks after their night together. But he couldn't help it, he knew that was the thought running through her mind and that she'd been too apprehensive to admit to it. At her question he found himself looking away, pretending to be interested in one of the books on the shelves before sighing. "I think it's an important scene, but I also know they're doing it to bank on our--our chemistry," the word was hard to get out now that whatever was left between them was strictly onscreen. "And what about you? Do you think it's what's best for the characters? Because I know--for what he feels towards yours, it's this suppressed emotion that he just needs to let out, but for her--what's going through her mind?" Was Krish asking about Tanya or her character? He didn't know. Because when he was answering--it had been about him, he felt love towards her and all he wanted was to stop hiding it now.

Tanya felt her breath catch in her throat at Krish’s words and her fingers gripped tightly at the shirt as she looked up at him through her lashes. There was something heavy about his words, something that made her wonder if he really was still speaking about the character, or perhaps himself. No, that was crazy; he didn’t possess any kind of feelings for her. It would do Tanya good to remember that, it would do her good to remember that he didn’t love her the way she did. “I think for her, it’s more… It’s more about reassurance. She wants to be reassured that there’s someone there in the world who loves her and she thinks I guess… she thinks this is the way to get that love.” She shut her eyes then, leaning back against the bookshelf. She felt like that about Krish sometimes, wondered if she should just offer him a physical relationship, maybe then he could learn to love her and even if he didn’t - Tanya could press her feelings down and pretend that whatever existed between them was a physical attraction too. She’d already given up too much. What if he’d seen through her very flimsy facade of characters and realized she was talking about herself. What if he was disgusted by her feelings for him? She needed to fix this. “I mean, you’re probably right with the entire chemistry thing and cashing in on us as a pairing. There’s probably no deeper meaning.” And yet Tanya’s heart gave a pang, letting her know that maybe this scene meant nothing in the film but cash registers ringing but to her it meant the world, the lines having blurred once more.

Krish hated the fact that the way she was gripping his shirt now, reminding him of that night, because until his shirt had been pulled away from him--she'd been gripping it in this exact same way; desperate for any way to keep him close to her. He missed that, he missed being this close to her, reminding himself again of just how beautiful she was, and how soft and how from the moment he'd first met her, he'd wanted to be there for her--not protect her, no--not unless she needed it, but he wanted to be someone she could depend on. It was at her words, her explanation for her character that his other hand raised from where it had previously been limp against his side. He pushed away the strands of her hair carefully and smiled at her. "I think that makes sense," his voice was low, but really he wanted to tell her right now that he was there for her, and he, dammit he loved her so much. But he couldn't. He wouldn't say those words, not when it was inevitably going to lead to his rejection anyway. He watched the way she leaned back, shutting her eyes as if she'd been repulsed by his touch to her cheek and he pulled his hand away quickly, shoving it back into the pocket of his jeans. "Well, we don't know that," he shrugged. "Sometimes it can seem like there's no deeper meaning, but for the other person--there often is," Krish sounded like some philosophical idiot right now and wished he could just take it back. And perhaps if he'd looked around even a little bit more, he'd have noticed the on set photographer snapping away at the two of them, their moments being captured in stills for all eternity.

Tanya realized once again her breath had caught in her throat, and hands that were previously steady now shook against the grip they held on Krish’s shirt. How could she tell him, with his fingers pushing hair away from her face was that all she wanted - all she had ever wanted was to be somebody to him. She didn’t want anything else. She had been about to speak when she heard the director give them the all clear. Tanya exhaled then, letting go of Krish’s shirt and opening the prop drawer to shove her script in while they shot the scene. It was at the action that Tanya nodded at Krish, ready to be strictly business and yet she knew the second his lips were against hers - Tanya would only be thinking about that, and the lines would once more blur.

Krish backed away from her when he caught the way she had moved so that she could hide her script before turning back to face him. He saw the look in her eyes and for a moment--wished he hadn't. It was telling him that whatever ease they'd built here right now, was about to fade away, leaving behind only two actors conducting a scene. He nodded at her as well, and back to the DOP and director before clearing his throat, waiting for the cue. Once he heard it, his hands were at her waist, pushing her a little deeper into the bookshelf, his lips not on hers yet, but hovering over her, both of them breathing heavily while his hands ended up slipping underneath her shirt, teasing her skin before he realized just how reminiscent this was of their first time, actually. He hadn't been able to get enough of her and yet every time he'd try to savour the moment--it seemed to disappear from him.

Tanya didn't think this would be as hard as it currently was. She wasn't expecting the memories that washed over her; the similarities to how it had felt in her apartment that night. She remembered the way he had hovered over her while she lay on the couch, or how his fingers brushed against the skin underneath her shirt before he undid its buttons. Or even the way her lips were at his neck, desperate for more. Tanya felt as if she deserved some sort of trigger warning for she was about to slip into this, the same way she had slipped into their encounter that night and would only come out worse for wear. Still, she blinked at Krish, the lines between herself and her character blurring as her lips parted slightly, head reclining to rest against the bookshelf as she arched up into his touch, grip on his shirt tightening as she pulled him impossibly closer to her, until the only thing she could hear was their breathing.

Krish could feel her fingers gripping his shirt once more, this time tugging him closer so that he wasn't hovering over her any longer. No, now he was incredibly close to her, his lips having no path to follow except down to touch her own. And so he did. Krish began kissing her, and as strange as it was, the moment their lips touched, it was as if he forgot this was a scene they were shooting. He forgot all direction he'd been told and continued tugging and pulling at every part of her until he was satisfied but that never happened until finally, he hoisted her up, her legs being pulled to wrap around his waist while he supported her and leaned her against the shelves. His lips trailed down her jaw, down her neck, before reclaiming her lips once more, forgetting that the camera was still on, forgetting the voice of the director that was in the background, forgetting everything but Tanya.

Tanya shut her eyes the second she felt Krish's lips against hers, and yet it felt as if she could see in technicolour. Her hands moved from their grip on his shirt as her arms draped around his neck, allowing him to hoist her up. There was a voice in the back of her head that told her none of this was in the script. It was meant to be an intense kiss but he wasn't supposed to kiss her neck, or her jaw, or hungrily move his lips against hers. Then why are you doing the same? Her conscience was not one to mince words and yet again it was doing the same thing. Perhaps Krish had started this but Tanya was instigating it, with the way her teeth gently tugged at his bottom lip wanting to coax out a soft moan from his lips into her mouth. She was forgetting that this was a scene for a film, that for the past year she and Krish had been on terrible terms, and this was most definitely unprofessional. But the director hadn't called cut... And Krish was responding in kind... And Tanya's heart had been craving for this, it was obvious in the way it raced.

Krish hadn't been able to suppress the soft moan that he knew only she could've heard when he felt her teeth tugging at his lip. He gripped her a bit tighter then, warning her not to do it again, not when they were shooting. But it almost felt like something he'd do if they were back to normal, back to being friends. They weren't though, and Krish knew it would always just be like this now considering he'd been the one to fuck it all up. He could hear soft whispers behind them, yet he chose to ignore them, feeling the way her arms were only attempting to draw him closer until really, there was no room between them. Actually, the only thing between them now was the friction their clothing created. That's when he heard the loud call for CUT! and he didn't drop her, but he did pull back so their lips weren't connected once more. For the first time, he prayed she hadn't looked into his eyes and seen what he was feeling because he was so disappointed and angry to be disturbed during a moment he'd been wanting for so long, just to be close to her once more--to show her through his kisses and touches how much he loved her.

Tanya glanced down, trying to catch her breath as her chest heaved with the effort it took. She remembered the books she'd read as a teenager, sneaking a flashlight under the covers and discovering the torrid romances of multiple characters; they always spoke of a kiss that took their breath away; Tanya had not known what that meant until now. She wanted nothing more than to kiss him again, to rid him of his shirt and trail a long line of kisses down his chest, taking her time to leave a few bruises against his skin. She cleared her throat then, staring down at Krish's shirt, anywhere but his face when the director came over. "Alright, you two got a little," she noted the disgruntled expression the director made as if he were sick of these actor types and their loose personalities, "... carried away. But it's all footage we can use. Take it from the end of the kiss, and Tanya you have to push his shirt off his shoulders before he tugs off yours and presses you down on the bed." Tanya only nodded. Professional. She had to remain professional. She could do that. Her gaze flitted to Krish's for a millisecond and her heart clenched. Right?

Krish was an actor, even if the camera wasn't on and couldn't let that image falter. And so when he heard the director's words, he only smirked and shrugged. "I have that effect, ab kya kaare? But I'm glad it's all footage you can use." But for Krish--it was footage he didn't want to be aired. He wanted to preserve it for just them because it was intimate and it was the first time in so long that they were coming close to one another--he didn't think anyone else had the right to witness that, because no one but they would understand what it meant; actually it was only Krish--for Tanya, this was just another job since their relation; whatever it had been, was long over. Still, he listened dutifully at the rest of the instructions, nodding before sighing as he got ready once more to force his heart into a position it so desperately wanted to stay in; close to her. He leaned into her face, super close before quickly pulling back, checking how far the bed was and how he'd end up leading her to it as they clumsily made their way there. "You--you ready?" His voice was huskier now, almost as if her kisses had changed the tone of his voice. The mere thought of it amused him, and while a couple years ago, he'd have told her--now he knew better.

Tanya shivered at how Krish's voice was a few octaves deeper than she remembered, and she wondered if that was because of her? The sixteen year old in her was gleeful, as was the Tanya from two years ago who had been so desperately in love with Krish. She still was, but the one from now was a lot more cynical, she knew that she could never have him. She could only have these slots, these little windows of opportunity that fate presented her. She would hold these close to her heart, replaying it like a record until the day the memory faded from her mind forever. She cleared her throat, "Y-yeah," and blinked twice, surprised at how her own voice was pitchy, uneven - almost breathless. Exhaling slowly, Tanya waited for the director call action once more before she pressed her lips to Krish's, a softer kiss somehow, but just as insistent, just as demanding of attention, of love.

Krish nodded when she agreed to be okay and was about to just tell her to remember it was only a scene and they'd get through it. But it wasn't just a scene, it was them both coming closer once more, on a bed, with the intimacy in their actions and expressions being the main actors. However, before his words came out, he felt her lips on his once more, this time her hands on his cheeks, pulling him, keeping him there while he felt the haste in her lips, wondering how much more of this could take, every single moment reminding him of that night. He swallowed the soft groan he'd heard from her when his fingers pressed against her naked spine, his fingers already having slipped under her shirt once more as he tugged her closer to himself.

Tanya arched further into Krish, letting out a soft groan when she felt his fingers press into her spine. She wanted to fold into him, wanted to kiss him until she forgot all the nastiness that had existed between them in the past year. She was so tempted to do so. Instead she only mumbled something against his lips (perhaps an apology) before her hands worked at his shirt. It was no longer as if she were acting on a script, but rather following what her heart wanted. Maybe that's why she was so hasty, her lips hungrily against his neck as she ripped at the buttons of his shirt, wanting it off. All of it was terribly reminiscent of that night in the apartment, and her heart clenched once more. She wanted for all of this to be real so badly, so badly and yet this is all she would ever get. Krish would never feel anything for her, and now after the way she'd treated him in the past year - he probably hated her.

Krish hadn't realized that Tanya had actually broken the buttons off his shirt until he heard them pop off and clatter to the ground. He didn't care though because dammit, that was what he wanted to do to her shirt as well, tug it apart from her so that he could feel more of her skin against his own. He could feel her lips against his neck and allowed one hand to bury in her hair before he tugged at the nape of her neck, causing her head to move back up. His lips crashed against hers once more, this time he began moving them to the bed, his other hand tugging very loosely at her shirt, until they reluctantly parted just so he could get the wretched material away from her, his lips once more on hers before he let out another moan at the way her lips trailed back to his neck, not missing his sweet spot; even if she'd only discovered it that one time all those months ago.

Tanya lifted her arms so he pull the shirt over her head and toss it to some corner. She had forgotten that they were shooting a scene. In Tanya's head, they were at Krish's, maybe they were in his study which would explain the bookshelf, but the bed? The bed was the couch and she slowly slid up the bed, tugging him closer to her, tugging him on top of her before she resumed her ministrations on his neck, wanting to hear that soft moan fall from his lips again. It was only when she heard the director call CUT that she was dragged back down to reality. A reality where this was just a scene from their film, where they were on the opposite sides of the ocean once again, too much water between them to cross. She cleared her throat, cheeks flushed and chest fluttering up and down as the hair stylist rushed over to fix her hair, and the costume designer was telling her to get under the covers before she pulled off the bra that Tanya had been wearing. She didn't know why she was so nervous. Krish had seen her naked before, they had done exactly this once before - for Qayamat - when they had been in the apartment, giving into whatever had overpowered them that night.

Krish crawled on top of her, the sheets strategically already being messed up so that when the next scene would ultimately cut to them being covered by it, and using it to protect Tanya's modesty, it would seem feasible. Krish couldn't help the groans and moans that escaped him when he felt her lips and teeth at his neck. He knew her teeth had nipped at his skin, probably leaving a bruise there that he'd find impossible to hide even with makeup as he continued pressing her deeper into the bed, his hips almost moving in a soft rhythmic way, creating a friction that would probably already make her very aware of what this scene was doing to him. He should be ashamed, and maybe if they were still friends--he would be. But Tanya didn't care about him and so he didn't care about hiding the fact that he was very[/i turned on by this scene they were shooting. Krish pulled away at the call for cut and chose to let his makeup artist add a little extra contour to his abs, not missing the way her eyes trailed over to him, reminding him of their first scene like this together when she'd relentlessly teased him about the enhancements of makeup. But right now, he was trying to just get the scene done--so he could go back to his van and have a very cold shower that hopefully helped him forget everything from this moment.

Tanya hid the giggle behind her palm when she caught the makeup artist, painting bronzer against Krish's abdomen. As if his assets needed any more showing off! She had forgotten that they were no longer friends, she could no longer make such comments. Tanya looked away quickly then, running over the past events in her mind and feeling her own cheeks heat up once more. At least it was easier for her to hide her (very real) attraction for him. Not that he was affected by it. She paused then, shutting her eyes as she remembered the way he had rutted his hips against her, pressing deeper into her, his hands against the bed, curling into fists as he grabbed at the sheets. No, this was affecting him too. She couldn't read into it. For her own mental wellbeing. She cleared her throat when he approached her once more, the sheets clutched to her chest. "You ready?"

Krish only nodded at her words, wishing he could trust himself and his voice to give her a verbal answer. But right now, the charge in the room was very alert and Krish didn't know how to express what he was thinking or feeling without giving away every single part of him. He'd done that once before in the past--their first and only night together. He'd allowed her to see the bare Krish, the one who didn't hide behind anything nor did he use anything as a crutch. He was always his most real with Tanya, and that hadn't changed even now. He was at least thankful he got to keep his clothes on, at least his boxers and his pants knowing just how uncomfortable she must be. But he lay on the bed, ready for them to get a shot of her bare back while his hands mapped across her smooth skin, leaving soft red marks of pure want, which wouldn't be too hard for him, he just prayed that this time he didn't get so sucked into it that he didn't have control over his actions.

Tanya straddled Krish then, ready to for the shot to get called. The pasties that were covering her breasts right now were the only thing that were preventing from them to touch skin to skin and she wanted so desperately to touch his skin, to disappear under the covers as her lips trailed down to his pelvis before she would pull down his pants. She wanted him to fill her up the way he had that night, a night that Tanya still woke up to in her dreams, cheeks flushed and sweat dripping down her face, wanting it to so desperately be real. So when the director called for action, she gave him a nervous smile before leaning into him, allowing his hands to press against her back. Of course the way her lips parted, head tilted back slightly and the soft pant that escaped her when she felt his fingers drag along her back was completely involuntary; it was her real feelings shining through.

Krish should've been careful, he shouldn't have lost himself when he heard the soft pant and gasp that escaped her or the way her eyes had closed even while she clutched him tightly. But he had. His nails left marks across her back, drawing and tugging her close, the tightness in his pants becoming unbearable as he arched up, this time his lips once more claiming hers, needing that to distract him from the fact that he needed a release but wouldn't be able to have it until they were done. He knew she could feel it, he knew she was affected from the way she was reacting and wondered if that was thanks to him, or just the fact that she too was a woman with needs, no matter who it was underneath her. NO. Krish stopped those thoughts and decided to completely ignore the way she was reacting, instructions chalking it up to being her flawless acting as well as he continued moving his body up to meet hers, before he completely disregarding the instructions and flipped them on the bed, being mindful of the covers as his lips began trailing down her neck, feeling her fingers fist in his hair.

Tanya hadn't been expecting the way he had flipped them over, pressing deeper into her and she could feel him, feel the tightness against his pants and she only sunk her fingers into his hair to distract herself from what she really wanted to do - which of course was to undo the zipper of those stupid jeans. "Alright that's a wrap," she heard the director call and yet she didn't move from her position, her hands clutching his shoulders. She did however relax, finally looking into Krish's eyes with that lustful haze, wanting him, wanting every inch of him to cover her, to kiss her, to make her his. She wanted it so badly. She looked away finally, clearing her throat as she rolled away from him. She hoped he would pick up on it, she hoped he would do something.

Krish had wanted to protest and irony wasn't lost on him. The very scene he'd been dreading to do--now he wanted more, if only because it was the only time he'd get her that close to his body once more. But he'd pulled away from her, about to tell his assistant that he needed a minute when he'd caught Tanya's gaze. Why was she looking at him like that? As if she's devour him whole if she could. He wanted it too, he decided but they wee on set and besides they were hardly even on speaking terms right now. Screw it! his mind revolted and so he looked back at her, his hand tugging ever so slightly on the robe she'd been given as soon as they yelled cut and nodded towards the left, where his van was parked. He knew she'd get it, and if she was feeling the same way he was--well then, nothing else really mattered--did it?

Tanya glanced down at the way he was tugging on her robe, and nodded. She offered him her hand before practically dragging him towards his vanity. She tugged it open and then pulled Krish indoors, lips finding his and completely missing one of the ADs who had snapped a picture of Tanya dragging Krish into his vanity. If she had, she would know there was really only one way that picture would be perceived, and it would paint her as a vamp, somebody who destroyed friendships. The people who had previously assumed that she'd broken up with Abhimanyu because of Krish would now have their proof. And yet when she felt Krish's lips against hers, Tanya forgot all about that and instead, only tugged him closer to her, her hands working at the zipper of his jeans, pushing them down. They had more time now, they were more in control now. They could spend hours discovering each other's bodies. It was why she sank to her knees, pulling his jeans down and then his boxers too.

Krish hadn't been expecting for the two of them to leave set together knowing just how it would get the rumour mills going, especially when Tanya's van was on the other side but he really couldn't care much when he felt her tugging him into his own van, her lips attached to his within an instant. Krish had been too stunned by the action to pay any attention to his surroundings so if there was anywhere there, he didn't know and quite frankly at this moment--he didn't care either. He continued kissing her, his hands disrobing her quickly before he felt her fingers at his jeans. But he really had not expected the way she felt to her knees, her hands ridding him of all his clothing in a haste. His own fingers dug into her scalp, guiding her along, desperate to keep quiet, afraid of anyone else on set overhearing.

Tanya hadn't finished him off the way she wanted to, knowing that she wanted him in her; she wanted his touch and so she pulled away with a flourish. Her hand found his again as she dragged him to the tiny bed in his vanity, quickly laying on it and tugging him to her. She knew this would backfire terribly on them later, especially considering the state their friendship had been in before this night. She knew that once this was over, once their high faded and they began thinking rationally again - it would only make things worse. It only ever made this worse. And yet, Tanya did not want to think of this at the moment and she shut her eyes, letting out an almost inaudible moan, her fingers fisting at the fleece throw she was on top of.

Krish was devouring her. He didn't allow himself to cover her when she fell back to the bed. No, he wanted to kiss his way up her body and so he did, feeling and hearing the way she was only more turned on than ever. That night hadn't even felt like this. That night had been about comfort and the need to show her how much he loved her. But she didn't want his love, and she'd made that clear. What Tanya wanted from him right now,he'd give to her and allow himself to think of the repercussions later on. He finally came up to her mouth now, his own tongue tracing the shape of her lips while his fingers were dipping very quickly underneath the hem of her last piece of fabric she was wearing right now, wondering for another moment--just what the hell they were both engaging in here.

Tanya arched up to him, responding to his every touch in kind. She wouldn't rest, not until every inch of their skin was pressed against one another, not until her nails dug into his back so deep it would leave marks, not until he completely destroyed her. At least then, there would be some sort of physical evidence as to why, as to how her heart was so broken - as to how her love for him was all consuming, how it was threatening to swallow her whole. She fell back into the bed, a sheen of sweat on her forehead and her hands now at his lower back having been dragged from his shoulders, all through the numerous times they had done it, and she let out a soft whimper of his name, wanting to cherish this forever. This would after all, be all that she had left.

Krish hadn't thought about what happened after. He hadn't allowed himself to even wonder about how she'd get out of this van when all she'd been dressed in was that robe that was laying on the steps near the door of his van. He hadn't thought at all about what they'd say but all he could wonder--was what this meant. But he wasn't someone who had dwelled in the past and he wouldn't do it now either. All this was, was a release. They'd both been severely turned on thanks to their proximity and maybe because it had happened once in the past, they needed to get it out of their system; that's all. He dipped his head closer to her neck, pressing a soft kiss there before mumbling something against her skin, feeling the vibrations that caused her to curl into him once more. He heard the way she said his name and for almost two seconds, he thought back to that night once more--maybe he never should've left. Maybe they should've both been awake when the time came for him to leave.

Tanya wished this was what had happened that night. She wished he would have murmured something into her skin, she wished he would have told her that he loved her; she wished that he'd done anything but leave her alone in that bed as if he'd used her, paid for her services. She shut her eyes then, feeling a single tear drip down her cheeks and she quickly wiped it away, sniffling as she did so. She didn't want to move right now, in fact she wasn't even sure if she could. She wanted the upper hand this time, she wanted to be the one who left while he was sleeping. She deserved it; it was her right to make him feel just as miserable as she had in the morning. Except why would he? For him, this was probably just the pent up sexual attraction from the scene, and then maybe it had been some sexual tension - but for Tanya, it had always been so much more. It would always be so much more. Yawning, she shifted in his embrace, curling into him as her hand rested against his chest, right over his heart and she let the calming stucatto of its beat soothe her to sleep, as did his arms.

Krish knew they'd fallen asleep like this (but with clothes on), many times before and so it really shouldn't have felt so different but yet, there was something so incredibly intimate about this moment, reminding him over and over that he was in love with this woman--that he wished he could stop time. Stop it in such a way that they were both here in that moment--but she'd never had to leave and here in the four walls of his vanity van--they could build a life together; one away from every external force that threatened to change their dynamic. But the dynamic had changed, the moment he'd allowed them to be kissing behind closed doors once again, everything had changed. He felt her shift and so he simply kissed her forehead before tugging her close to his body, loving that fact that here in this one brief moment--everything felt alright.

Tanya waited for his grip on her to slacken before pulling out of his embrace. She moved both with haste and ease as she tugged on the pieces of her clothing she had been wearing earlier, but grabbed one of Krish's shirts from his closet to cover the rest of her modesty. She did after all, have no shirt on. The moment of slipping on the too big for her, Oxford shirt was reminiscent of the numerous times she'd done so before and now she only craved to have all of it back. She craved for him to love her so when she glanced back at Krish's sleeping form, Tanya almost couldn't do it. She relented of course, leaning in to press a kiss to his forehead before exiting his van. She'd terribly screwed up, sure that now they wouldn't even be able to be civil with one another. Yet she wasn't too concerned about that and rather could only think about how good it had all felt, as if her every wish had finally been fulfilled.

Krish awoke to a cold and empty bed a few hours later, not entirely surprised that she'd snuck out while he was sleeping--especially since he'd done the same. Krish sat up on the bed, his hands buried in his hair as he wondered what the FUCK they'd just done. They were only colleagues now, not friends, certainly not friends with benefits and what he felt for her--well that was something he'd never tell her. But all he could think of now was how he'd face her once more. The first time had been bad enough, he remembered feeling so completely awkward around her because in his eyes--he'd shown her everything that night; just how much he loved her. But Tanya hadn't seen it that way, and so now he didn't want to wait to see what she thought she'd felt from him--he knew it would only disappoint him. And so in the moment--he made a decision that would prove to be horrible professionally but at least personally, it might save him from a little more heartbreak. He'd quit the film.

Tanya had not seen Krish since that night, not at shoot - nowhere. Not until he showed up at her place unannounced, probably there to laugh at her wallowing in misery because he no longer wanted to speak to her. She hadn't heard from him since then either, not until now. She stared at the interview with BollywoodLife for the millionth time, a direct quote from Krish himself saying that he'd quit the film, citing dates and creative differences with the director. Had he hated what happened between them so much that he decided to quit the film? Even after she had told him how betrayed she felt by just the rumours. Every instinct in Tanya told her to just leave it alone, and yet she couldn't. She couldn't leave it alone, because Krish Malhotra was an old wound, one which she kept scratching - making it good as new. Smiling at Shanta tai, she hammered on Krish's bedroom door until he opened the door and Tanya nearly slapped him before controlling himself. "What the fuck is this? I thought that at least after that time when we talked you would care about my feelings? And then you pull this shit... Like a-- Like a snake!" Tanya sputtered, realizing that she was rambling. "Who do you even think you are? That I'm just going to take this? I'm not going to take--"

Krish knew that quitting the film had been his only option because he couldn't do it anymore. Maybe she and Abhi were more skilled that way, that despite having a real relationship, she could still be over at his place, talking about a new film. But Krish--Krish was bitter and he didn't know how to set asides his own feelings especially when they were so damn strong. So he stayed in his home, ignoring most of the tabloids, and choosing to just hang around with his friends who'd provide at least somewhat of a distraction for him. But now he'd heard some Godforsaken knocking on his door, and prayed that it wasn't Leela Sen, though she was the only one now who got away with acting the same way her sister did. Krish pulled off his Beats headphones before moving to the door, surprised to see the younger Sen there, looking furious. She pushed her way into the room, leaving him to shut the door so Shanta tai didn't overhear something. He was still too stunned at the fact that she was there to even realize what to say back. But when he caught what she was holding, he sighed loudly before opening his mouth to explain. But he couldn't, not when she just kept going on and on and on. And so he did what he could, pressing his lips soundly to hers in a very harsh kiss, thankful that she hadn't continued talking even when his lips were over hers.

Tanya let out a squeak of surprise when suddenly her words were overcome by Krish's very warm lips and she reacted for a millisecond, losing herself in the kiss before shoving him away. Her chest heaved with the effort it had taken her to even want to push him away and she stared at him, murder in her eyes. He'd broken her heart numerous times and still he was here, playing the victim. She ought to tell him, ought to tell him the character assassination his best friend Abhimanyu was content on committing of Krish but Tanya had stopped the other man. She ought to tell him that she had been in love with him for as long as she could remember but she wouldn't. Those had all been unselfish acts of love, of selfless love - she could not use that to spite him, not when she loved him so much. Instead, Tanya did the one thing that made the most sense to her. She crossed the distance between them, shoving Krish against the wall as she reached up on her toes, fingers curled around the collar of his shirt as she pulled him in a for a bruising kiss, a kiss harsher than the one his had been.

Krish wasn't aware of how much time has passed from the moment she'd broken the kiss and shoved him away. He just stood there, staring at her, already breathless from that one kiss. He had things to say to her. To tell her he hadn't meant for this to hurt her, nor did he realize she'd be this affected. He'd left the film purely because he couldn't be around her anymore, not when he was worried he'd blurt out his true feelings and she'd probably just laugh in his face because Krish Malhotra was old news to her, especially when she was being touted to work with the youngest actors around, the ones who were set to make their mark. Krish was a mere stepping stone for her to establish her career and after the last time in his vanity van, he'd also come in handy for some physical release. But for him--being around her, being even this close to her--took him back to the old memories, the days where she'd show up at his place in the middle of the night because her home was too far away. That was the Krish & Tanya he remembered them being. But when he felt her shove him again against the wall, his own mouth open to react he had no time. Her lips were against his, this time actually more harsh than the first, her fingers tugging his collar closer to herself as he kissed her back. He was surprised and very startled but wasn't backing up. Not when this was what he'd craved again for so long. He'd thought after that moment in his vanity van that his love for Tanya would perhaps start fading away, but instead, it had returned tenfold--so bad that he couldn't even look himself in the mirror without being ashamed at what he'd become without her around.

Tanya wondered if this was what death felt like. If this was what the sweet release of death was, Tanya would gladly die. She wasn't going to lie; she had thought about it a few times late at night. She had been exhausted from the shooting, from the late hours, from the lack of sleep, the insane hours at the gym and the fact that despite all of that - her mind was always on Krish. She wondered if she could just take a few extra sleeping pills and stop thinking forever. It seemed nice at the time, but now with Krish's lips on hers, his hands gripping her waist Tanya was glad she hadn't. If she had, she wouldn't have experienced this. Tanya let out a muffled protest against his lips, her conscience kicking in but she shoved it away. Her conscience had no place here, this was the stuff her dreams (her late night dreams) were made of. She allowed herself to be pushed towards the bed and once she fell to it, Tanya arched her back up, lifting up her sundress just high enough for them to conduct business. And yet her heart disagreed, this was Krish Malhotra the great love of her life - she wasn't supposed to do this. He wasn't supposed to be just some fuck. Except this was all she would ever get, and no matter how committed her heart was to its love for Krish, it was also a greedy bastard and grabbed whatever it was given.

Krish when he caught the way she fell onto the bed, her sundress being hiked up just to her waist--he knew what she wanted. Was that why she'd come? For him to give her the release she apparently needed? He was allowing his mind, his conscience to get the best of him now and he didn't want to. Not when he'd so desperately craved for being this close to her once more after that last night. Instead, he hovered over her, his lips once more attaching themselves to hers while his own fingers hastily undid the drawstring of his sweatpants, hating the fact that this felt like his old life, the life Tanya had dragged him away from when he'd fallen in love with her. Still, he moved quickly and rapidly into her, not missing the loud sounds she was making or the way she was trying to grab him closer, even while he kept his hands flat on the bed, refusing to hold her close. If he held her close, it would mean more than just a quick fuck and right now--he couldn't afford that, not when this woman who lay under him despised him so much.

Tanya hated that Krish wouldn't let her hold him, that he was treating her like some quick fuck at some concert or at the disgusting toilets at some fair or carnival. This wasn't what she wanted, nor how she wanted it. This was of course all she'd get and so Tanya obliged, despite the sour taste in her mouth she obliged. She let out whimpers of his name, punctured moans when he hit the right spot until she couldn't any longer and her hands grabbed at his shoulders, moving with his rhythm but now she arched up in his touch, craning her neck to press a kiss to his shoulder. She wanted him, she loved him and yet here she was - acting as if the only feelings she had for him came from her hormones.

Krish had let his hard resolve crumble the moment he felt her fingers touch his shoulders. He was still wearing his work out tank and so her fingers were gripping at his skin and not any type of cloth. They both continued moving together and when he heard her reach her high, the loud cry and reverent mumbles of his name evidence of that, he too let himself go, moaning as he continued riding it out, surprised at the way she arched up to meet his torso, her lips pressed against his skin. Krish wished she hadn't done that. He really wished she hadn't because now--he wouldn't be able to hold back. He flipped them carefully on the kingsize bed, his lips now trailing down every part of her exposed skin, finally stopping between her thighs, not at all surprised by the sounds he could emit from her.

Tanya was aware of the part of her that didn't want this. That part of her screamed of how unethical this was, how unlike Tanya it was. She was in love with Krish Malhotra, and not some sort of silly infatuation, no this was love. Honest to god, real love; the kind of love you fell asleep at night dreaming of; the kind love you looked up at the stars wishing you had; the kind of love that burned in your chest demanding to be felt. She could not be sleeping with him in such a careless manner, not without bringing more hurt upon herself. And yet when Tanya looked down at Krish between her thighs, she couldn't say no. If this was the only way she could have him, Tanya would do anything to make sure he'd stay there and so her fingers gripped at his hair as a moan of his name ripped from her throat.

Krish wondered for a moment if this was all a part of some very vivid dream he'd been having. Because there was absolutely no way this could be happening for real. And yet as he felt the harsh tug of his hair thanks to her tight grip, he knew there was no other explanation for this besides reality. Krish and Tanya were really doing this. Yes, the tabloids had said they'd been doing this even while she'd been dating Abhimanyu so it would be no big deal really except it was; for Krish, this wasn't just sex. He didn't want it to just be about sex. He wanted so much more, but if this was all she was willing to give him--he'd take it. Especially considering he didn't even seem destined to keep her friendship any longer either.

Tanya let her back fall into the bed once more, her chest heaving as she glanced at Krish. She wanted to tell him now; she wanted him to know how she felt about it; she had to. If she didn't, Tanya was sure she would explode with the intensity of everything she was feeling. Her heart still thudded in her chest, screaming, begging her to tell him. And yet, she couldn't. There was something holding her back: fear. The fear that he didn't feel the same way, the fear that he would laugh in her face was too overpowering. At least there was one less fear than before: she no longer worried about her admission ruining their friendship. Not when she'd gone and done that all by herself. Exhaling, Tanya sat up and as she pulled her underwear once more, her heart felt heavier. Something in the atmosphere had changed; something that was going to drive her insane. She wished he would say something, she wished he would tell her to stay: otherwise the silence would eat her alive.

Krish was laying in the bed, watching her with his piercing gaze as she slid her underwear over her legs once more. There was so much he wanted to say to her, so much he needed to tell her. But he was terrified. He just didn't know what to say. Krish Malhotra had never been this terrified before but here he was, afraid of what the girl, who broke their friendship as if it hadn't matter at all, would say or do if he'd confessed to being in love with her. So Krish didn't say that, instead, he cleared his throat and sighed before looking away from her. "You should--stay," he shrugged before looking back at her. "It's really late and I mean--we should talk--about this." Except talking after their first time had been what ruined them--so Krish could only imagine what it would do to them now.

Tanya would have wished for more if she'd known that whoever was listening above was on a wish granting spree. She would have asked for Krish to receive the news of her feelings kindly, and then maybe she would have told him. Except at his next words, Tanya froze. He wanted to... talk? And just like that, the anger in her veins began simmering once more. If he wanted to talk, he should have done it the first time they'd had sex. "You didn't do it when we slept together for the first time, there's no point in doing it now." Her heart ached, asking her why she was being so cruel; she shut her eyes. Nobody would understand, she was only protecting her heart. Her childish heart that trusted too easily, her heart which gave in too soon, her heart which was incorrigible and in love with Krish Malhotra (to an almost pathetic degree). "Besides, it's late." She needed to go before she did something stupid, like confess her feelings. "And you quit the film." He had no right to act concerned about her any longer, not when she'd given him a chance to not leave - and he'd still done it, solidifying their fate on opposite ends of the same war.

Krish knew this was why he hadn't wanted to talk to her the first time. The way she reacted to everything, so harshly. It's why Krish found no point in salvaging anything with her anymore. Leela was wrong, Tanya felt nothing but animosity towards him, and maybe some attraction considering their act a few moments ago. "Why are you so damn stubborn? God...it's like every time someone comes close enough to you--you just want to run away." He knew that what he was about to say was thanks to his anger and not at all something his heart would agree with and yet the words came out. "If you run now--you're not coming back. Friendship toh waise bhi nahi rahi hai humare beech.. and I know you want nothing to do with me, so yes, I quit the film." But what Krish didn't tell her was that he was in talks with the director who was going to suffer a huge loss if Krish didn't come back and make the scenes he'd shot for somehow salvageable.

Tanya wished they wouldn't fight; her delicate heart couldn't stomach it. She leaned back against the wall, her eyes shut and lips pursed as a single tear dripped down her cheeks. That single tear was followed by many more and soon Tanya's hands were at her cheeks, furiously wiping them away. His words seemed to have pierced through her defences and stabbed her right in the chest until Tanya was left, gasping for air. "That's so easy for you to say na? To say that I'm running away?" How could he know that she had been protecting her heart but more than anything she was protecting him. "It's so easy to accuse someone else, isn't it?" He didn't know that if she started seeing him again, it would only add more fuel to the fire at the rumour mills and they would slander his character; it would ruin his friendship with Abhimanyu - more than it already had. More than anything, Tanya couldn't go back to being just friends. It was too hard, especially after everything that had transpired between them since. "I have to go."

Krish had caught the tear that trailed down her cheek, the ones that followed after that too, but he couldn't do anything. He felt frozen, frozen because he didn't have the right to comfort her, to protect her and most of all, to be there for her. He listened to her words though, shaking his head because that's what it felt like to him. Even when he'd shown up at her house, she'd requested her Aashna didi to show him the door. Was that not running away from him? He didn't say that though, instead, he kept his fists balled up in his pockets as he continued staring at her. "Accuse? I'm not accusing you. I'm pointing out the facts. Everything since that first night--has been you running away because you're too afraid to even talk to me, and when we're alone well--we both know what happens." There was more to say, more to explain and yet Krish couldn't do it. He just heard her words and moved away from the door. "If you have to go, then go...no sense in staying when we can't even hold a civil conversation anymore." But yet, all he wanted to do was grab onto her hand and beg her to stay, ask her to just crawl into his arms and allow the world in this room to freeze and let them go back to who they once were; but maybe..with a few new stipulations.

Tanya shook her head; she couldn't stand here and listen to him slander her character. Not when he probably had never loved the way she had; he was used to... this. This was all Krish Malhotra knew, what would he know about love? The love that Tanya felt for him especially. She scoffed gently, a shake of her head and Tanya disappeared through the door, her heart still on the other side with Krish. Why was she doing this? All she wanted was his arms around her, all she wanted was him to love her - and that was what he wouldn't give her. This, this was the right decision.

Krish often wished that Isha Malhotra hadn't instilled good values in him from a young age. It was because of her that Krish was back on set on the film he'd walked out on. He had heard the director and producers were caught in a bind about how to proceed with their script because they had shot good footage with Krish and didn't want to bring on another hero. So they decided his character would die, and while they weren't shooting the death scene today--it was one of the other super romantic ones that he was nearly convinced was strictly for marketing value of the film. But did he really care? No. Since he'd come back on set about a week ago, he and Tanya had been shooting the most romantic scenes in the film, and each one had ended up with the two of them in either her vanity or his. No words exchanged between them, just a lot of kisses and a lot of clothes being tossed everywhere. This hadn't been what he wanted. He loved her, like pure unadulterated love and yet that's what he was doing here with her--engaging in an affair that he really didn't want like this. Still, he knew it was the only way she'd agree to be in his life and for that one selfish reason--he went ahead with it; not forgetting the two-hour lecture he'd gotten from Tanya's older sister, and his close friend--Leela.

Tanya now saw everything that existed between her and Krish as a double edged sword. She had wanted him in her life, she had wanted this aspect of a relationship and she'd been given it but at the same time - she didn't get the relationship she so craved. There were times where she wanted to call it quits, she couldn't keep it solely a physical relationship not when her heart was bursting at the seams with love for him. And yet Tanya knew this was the only way he would want to be in her life, wanting her for nothing but an easy fuck; she was so desperate, she agreed. Tanya needed him like she needed air to breathe and so even before they had been called to set to shoot, she had pulled him into her van, lips at his neck. It was like a drug now; if she couldn't have his love, then she would take this. It was risky too, engaging in something like this so close to call time.

Krish hadn't quite expected her to be so eager, especially when he knew that the scene they were shooting tonight wouldn't take too long to set up and yet he felt her lips moving along the veins of his neck and was a goner. He couldn't refuse her when she knew all his weak spots. But Krish--Krish liked believing still that she knew him because of the past they'd shared, because of the friendship he refused to believe was dead. Still, his hands were tugging at the layers of clothing she was dressed in. His hands entirely messing up her hair before he pulled her even closer, his lips seeking hers once more. This was something he knew they couldn't keep doing, at least not forever. But it was good, he was ending his days of shooting soon enough, and so when that was all over--this would be too. He was giving into it now because it made the last time he'd shoot with her easy. But from this film forward, he wouldn't be able to work with Tanya, nor would he be able to engage in this anymore--not when his heart demanded so much more than she was willing to give to him.

Tanya let out a pathetic whimper of his name when she felt his hands tug at her hair; she wanted him to tell her he loved her; she wanted him to say that he cared, but he wouldn't. He would always be the one she would never be able to say that she loved him, she wouldn't be able to say how much she wanted him. She had told him everything, her secrets, her scars and now all she had to show for that was a broken heart. Tanya shut her eyes when he pressed her against the door, his lips against her neck and she gave in. This was all she would have; this was all she could have and she needed to learn to be content.

Krish the two of them were just about to rid themselves of every additional layer when Krish heard the loud knock on Tanya's van door and gasped, his eyes locking with hers in a panic. He'd been about to hell out that he needed a few more minutes but he couldn't, not when this wasn't his van. Instead, he gestured for her to say something, a very wide grin on his face as he pulled her back from the door, laughing quietly before he looked up at her and pressed his lips in a soft kiss to her own; a relationship type of kiss. But before he could think about it, he quickly got dressed and looked at her, not missing her thoroughly kissed lips and that extremely tousled hair of hers.

Tanya widened her eyes when she heard the knock on the door and met Krish's panic filled eyes with similar ones of her own. She shut her eyes then before exhaling shakily. "Give me a bit!" "Madam, the shot is ready!" Tanya nodded and was about to relay the info to Krish when his lips came down on hers, meeting in a very soft kiss. The kind of kiss Tanya associated with chilly Saturday mornings, and late nights as they curled up in beds. A kiss she wanted as a relationship with Krish. He must have to been teasing her, reminding her that she could never have him in the capacity she so wanted. Instead, she met Krish's eyes with a nervous smile. How was she supposed to speak with him? Especially since now they only spoke as their characters, off screen they were strictly fucking - nothing else. "Shot's ready." A weak smile.

Krish wanted that smile on her face, that nervous smile, the one that took him right back to their first day on set together all those years ago. He'd never met someone who carried a last name as powerful as hers the way she did but yet was still so nervous, not at all acting as if she was Kishore Sen's daughter. But right now, he wanted to just take her in his arms, let out the laughter that was bubbling up in his chest and hold her close. He wanted to tell her how much he just wanted to be with her, with actual strings attached--not just something they both came to when the physical need was there. "So it is," he sighed before clearing his throat. "And then there's just one more day to go," he murmured before shruggingly looking up at her, wondering if she'd give him a reaction--any type of reaction would be welcomed right now.

Tanya looked up at the words he said, before quickly looking down. She heard what he hadn't said. Once his shooting was over, this (whatever it was between them) would be over too. She had so many things she wanted to say; she wanted to tell him she loved him; she wanted to say that she thought he should know before they stopped talking again; she wanted to tell him all the cruel things Abhimanyu had said about her. "Just one more day, then the solo shoot. You know I haven't even been sent the script change yet?" It was true, but what was really on Tanya's mind (and her heart) was how she didn't want this to end, not when she didn't know how to live without him, how to be without him.

Krish should've moved to grab his shirt, to fix his hair but instead he took a seat on her couch, gesturing for her to sit down as well even while she continued staring at him. He was taking his chances once more, trying to coax her into not letting the ease between them die so easily. "You're going to do great," he smiled at her, wishing he could just reach over and grasp her hand like he normally would do to console her. But that wasn't part of their dynamic anymore. "I mean--you're the best actress we have," he smiled once more, this time a bit more real before he shook his head at her words about the script. "You know they're probably working on it as we speak. I mean--it's my fault that you're even having to do all this," he should've said more but he didn't--because he knew she was pissed off with him for all of this anyway.

Tanya only managed a tired smile at his reassurances; she wanted something else. She wanted these same words but she wanted his arms around her, she wanted his lips against her hair as he murmured it to her. She wanted it to be on the bed in the vanity as they lay curled up together, or in the privacy of one of their homes. She stood up then. "It's alright. I'm sure you found some better script than this one." She knew though, she knew that he had quit because of her and yet she couldn't bear to say those words out loud; she could not bear to be embarrassed in such a way. To know that somebody she once considered her best friend, the man she was in love with had quit a film because of her, no it was too shameful to bear. "We should get on set."

Krish had stayed holed up in his vanity van for the entire duration of the morning, needing time to prep. He'd shot for death scenes before, many times really..but somewhere, this one was going to be different. When Tanya's character fired the shot and watched Krish's fall to the ground, maybe for the audience it would just be a scene--but for Krish, it was his attempt finally at understanding that she had shut the door on whatever they could become. Krish was the one, yes, to refuse their physical relationship now that he'd be off set, but her killing him was his way of closing the door on whatever he'd hoped would become between them. Even now as he went over every line in the script he held--his mind was on Tanya, wondering what she was thinking, what she was feeling and most of all--if she even still cared at all.

Tanya glanced down to realize that her hands were shaking; she couldn't shoot this scene. She couldn't let this film end, she couldn't let Krish's role in this movie end. She wanted to keep him with her forever; the fact that she would never see him after this sent an ache in her chest that she wouldn't be able to fix. Nothing would be able to fix this pain. She needed him to know; she had to let him know. And yet something was holding her back, so she was on set, the gun in her hand as she let out a shaky exhale. She couldn't do this; she wasn't sure if she knew how and so when Krish came on set, Tanya let out another shaky exhale, muttering the lines to herself on repeat, hoping it would prepare her for what she was about to do.

Krish hadn't told her, actually he hadn't told anyone but he was planning a long break after today. He needed to get out of Mumbai, he needed to go somewhere where his every move wasn't scrutinized, where he was free to be mopey and be Krish Malhotra, the man who realized that the woman he loved--didn't want to be with him. He'd planned to first go up to London and then see where life took him. He hadn't signed any more scripts, deciding a hiatus like this, a break was necessary for his rather extensive filmography as well. So when he finally made his way on set, he'd noticed how nervous she looked--almost as if she was back to her first day of shooting. He wanted to go to her, tell her a few reassuring words, but instead, he was busy discussing with the director how the shot was to take place. He was supposed to be saying goodbye to her, and he'd turn--and she'd shoot him when he touched the door knob, refusing to let him leave the home they'd shared--and then it was in her arms, that he'd die and somewhere--there was a lot of poetic justice in that scene--at least for him.

Tanya nodded when the director called for action, and she took her position - steps away from Krish. "Tum mujhe aise chodke nahin ja sakte! Agar mujhe kuch ho gaya toh? Agar mujhe kuch hua toh-- toh main kya karoongi?" She was yelling, her voice choked so it still sounded soft; the gun was on the dining table, close enough to reach but not yet. It was interesting how Krish's character chose to leave hers after he caught her pressing the gun to her own temple. It made her think of Krish too was leaving her, all because of mistakes Tanya made and this time the tears that left her were her own. She wiped at them hastily, surprised that the director hadn't called for a cut and second take. She hoped that this scene would be a one take scene, she couldn't put herself through the same torture a second time. "Aisa mat karo mere saath... please aise mat karo." Her eyes were once again filled with tears as her bottom lip wobbled, staring at Krish; the lines had blurred. Was she speaking as her character, or as herself?

Krish knew this scene would be her award winning scene. Such emotion, such real expressions were hard sometimes for the most seasons professionals as well. But the way her voice had choked up, the way her tears were falling and mostly the way she sounded as if she were pleading with him--all of it was perfect. Krish hadn't let the thought cross his mind even once, that perhaps Tanya's words held something more in them. If he'd believed what Leela had told him--Krish would've but he really did think the elder Sen was trying to play matchmaker, filling Krish's ears with false truths only to get him to never let go of Tanya. But he'd had enough of this now, enough of feeling so completely discarded that he had made his decisions. Still, he turned and gave her a small smile before shrugging. "Aur tumne jo mujhse itni baar jhoot bola, woh kya tha? Woh dhoka nahi tha, mere saath?" He took a deep breath, hating himself for saying these words to her but if Tanya still knew Krish, really knew him, she'd know that his words were a complete lie. "I don't care anymore, jo hona hoga tumhare saath woh hoga..I've given you everything I possibly could. I took you to get help, I gave you all my love and you still--none of it was ever enough for you," he paused and shut his eyes, surprised at how even he was feeling overcome by this scene, this moment. "Lekin ab bas..I need to leave before I drive myself crazy here too..no matter how much I still love you." And he turned, his hand reaching out for the door knob, thankful that it seemed the shot would be a one-take shot.

Tanya reached for the gun then, holding it up. Her hands still shook as she held it, even though the script called for her hand to be steady. She couldn't help it, the tears still streaming down her cheeks as she stared at Krish's still form. "Tum samajte nahin ho na? Aisa lagta hai... It's not you. Aisa lagta hai jaise ki mere dimag main-- mere dimag mein ek kida hai.. aur woh kehta hai mujhe ki tum mujhe kabhi nahin, kabhi nahin chahoge." She shut her eyes then, her grip on the gun tightening as another choked sob escaped her. All of these words, every single one of them made her wonder if this was her character, or her speaking. "But main tumhe jaane nahin de sakti... Tum sirf mere ho. Aur kisi se nahin," she whispered, her voice steady even as the tears still dripped down her cheeks and to her collarbones, resting in the crevice like jewels. Her hands were still unsteady as she clicked the trigger. There was something about effects, they would do something in editing later to make it look like a bullet had shot through. Tanya's job however was done as she crumpled to her knees, burying her face in her hands. She would move to Krish then, holding his head in her lap. "Yeh kya... Yeh kya kardiya maine..."

Krish fell to the ground, refusing to say anything when she spoke. That line he knew, was one of the most powerful for audiences to truly understand what mental illness was. Her character was perfect, that's why his had fallen in love with her and when she'd admitted to what she suffered from, his only tried to make it better. But his mistake was that he'd thought she'd completely recovered, refusing to believe that no matter what--people relapsed. Her character had relapsed too and his couldn't take it. But Krish knew in real life if he'd ever be in that situation, he'd stick it out till the end, wanting to believe in the love he shared. But now he was sprawled on the marble floor, his body frozen as the pain from the bullet pretended to flow through his entire body. He waited for her to inch closer, wanting her warmth one last time before he ultimately walked off this set for the last time. "You know--I--main tumse abhi bhi utna pyaar--karta hoon." he whispered softly, his eyes blinking rapidly a few times, needing to pretend that he was dying.

Tanya shook her head, her hand now cupping his cheek as her character refused to believe that any of this was real. "Aisa mat kaho... main tumse bhi-- itna pyar karti hoon. Yeh sab meri galti hai, but I--I promise! I'll change! Please mujhe... mujhe chodke mat jao." She shut her eyes then, exhaling slowly as the director called CUT and she released her hold on Krish. She didn't move from her spot though, waving away the makeup and hair artists and even the spot boys who told her that she should get in a seat. She needed to tell Krish. That was what she needed to do. Not any of this, but as she looked up - Krish was gone. Gone? No, no, no. He couldn't be gone, not before she told him how she felt. Tanya stood then, feeling something ( love ) surge in her veins as she ran out of the studio. "Krish!"

Krish was holding her hand now, one of them as his character came close to breathing his last. He was finally letting his eyes close, even as he listened to her words, wishing for once that he could pretend this wasn't for a film, and that she'd somehow found out about his plan and wanted for him to stay back. He heard the loud call for cut and had nodded to the director who'd told him through his expression, that yes all of Krish's shots for the film were done and on his request, he didn't announce it to the crew seeing as Krish didn't want any of that attention. He was off the set then, his jacket being stripped off as he carried it in his hand before he turned around to hear her calling for him. "What--does he need another shot?" Krish was frowning at the thought of Tanya rushing out here to get him when the director could've easily sent a spot boy.

Tanya shook her head, her lips pursed as a few more tears dripped down her cheeks. In the distance, thunder sounded. Tanya stepped closer to him, her heart thudding uncontrollably in her chest. "I-- It's me. I need to talk to you." This much was true but Tanya was afraid; she was so afraid. A few more steps, now she was in front of him. Her bottom lip quivered. "I--I have something I need to say. Something you need to hear." Something she should have said a long time ago. The fear then washed away from her; there was no fear left. Not now, not when she knew how crucial this admission was to keep him in her life. If not that, then at least he deserved to know before he stopped speaking to her altogether.

Krish was surprised, especially when she admitted to wanting to talk to him. Given how she'd reacted when he'd wanted to talk, he didn't really try to approach any topics around her anymore, aware that she really didn't want to say anything to him. But he didn't miss the watery gaze of hers when she allowed her eyes to meet his, making him wonder instantly if she was okay or not. "What--what's going on?" Krish wanted to reach out to draw her hand into his and so he did, hearing the loud clap of thunder before glancing up at the stormy skies--wanting to tell her to go inside lest her costume for the film for ruined. "What do you need to say?" He asked softly, his voice barely above an octave.

Tanya realized it was now or never. She could tell him now or forever hold her peace. She shut her eyes again before exhaling softly and shook her head. "Krish I," her voice wavered before cracking. She tried again, "Krish there's--" A choked sob. "Krish, ever since... Ever since Qayamat, I--I've been in love with you. I've tried to run from it, I tried to kill it, I tried everything and nothing ever worked." She exhaled, not even realizing she had been holding her breath. "I can't run from it anymore, not when it means that I might lose you. I---I love you Krish Malhotra." Tanya looked down then, stepping away from Krish, her hand falling out of his. "That's all I had to say," she mumbled, turning to leave. She couldn't be here to hear him reject her.

Krish hated how nervous she seemed, how strained her voice even sounded at needing to say what it was she had to get out. He didn't know why she was choosing to put herself through this and yet he couldn't stop her. The hand of his that was clutching hers, only tightened slightly, reminding her that he was right there and he would listen to whatever she had to say. But she was struggling and Krish just wanted to go back to their first day on set, when he'd managed to calm her down enough to get her to act the way he knew she could; but right now he just wanted her to be reassured that this was him, and he'd listen to whatever she needed to say. But hearing those words from her, he couldn't even--he didn't know what to say. His eyes shut, a small smile tugging at his lips threatening to show her just how happy her words made him. But it was when her hand fell from his grip as she moved away from him that he shook his head. He couldn't let her leave, not when she'd basically said the words he'd been waiting to hear for so long. "I don't want to lose you," he whispered quietly, needing for her to come back to him. But she didn't turn and so right as the raindrops began to fall slowly around them, he turned to face her once more. "You've been running from me for so long--I think it's time you took a break," he gave her a trademark Krish smile before taking her hands in his once more, ignoring the raindrops that were dripping on them. "You have no idea--how LONG I've waited to hear you say that," he looked down at the wet concrete before back at her, his one hand running through his damp hair. "I've been--since Thumri, it's just--tum Abhi ke saath thi, and I could never come between you two, but then you broke up and--meri galti woh hi thi,that I didn't tell you that night how much I've been in love with you Tanya Sen, and how--" he trailed off, unable to believe this was really happening. It couldn't be--not when she refused to even be his friend--that was her trying to kill it, his conscience reminded him before he took a deep breath, looking up at her, incredibly surprised that this was actually happening.

Tanya froze in her tracks at his words. Never in a million years would she have guessed that would be his reply to (what she assumed was her pathetic) display of love. Her heart raced in her chest and the smile that tugged at the corners of her mouth threatened to put all lightbulbs out of work considering how bright it was. "Krish I--" Even her voice was breathless and she let out a soft laugh, her eyes still disbelieving of what was happening. Yet when she searched her heart, the answer had always been there; her heart had always known. "I love you," she breathed out once more, the smile on her face so large, her dimples looked like craters. Tanya didn't care for the rain that was pouring, didn't care for her damp hair or wet clothes. She had everything she wanted. After years of losing her mind, giving up her heart and naming each of her breaths for Krish - she finally had it. Her arms draped around his neck as she reached up on her toes to kiss him, for real this time. No cameras, and no love disguised as lust. Just two people, in love.

Krish hadn't been able to control his laughter when he heard her say those words again. This time, he was just so surprised and truthfully relieved because it had felt like she'd always been trying so hard to hide what she felt for Krish, that it really did feel surreal. But he didn't say anything, choosing to instead just hoist her up in his arms, kissing her soundly as he twirled her around. "You really--God Tanya, pagal kar diya tha mujhe," he let her down gently before shaking his head. "Since the first film--but then why did you date Abhi?" There was a twinge of hurt in his voice, even if he was thankful that the two had dated since it helped Krish realize just what he was standing to lose.

Tanya quietened at his question, looking down. "I-- I dated him because I thought what I felt for you was a silly crush. I thought you'd never feel the same and he was there,and he liked me. I tried to convince myself that I could fall for him but it just-- It was always you. There was nobody else for me," she murmured, looking up at Krish through her lashes and hopeful eyes. She knew it would have hurt him; she knew that he had every right to disregard their love; she wouldn't blame him either. The rain fell harder now, completely soaking them both but Tanya didn't care. She would stay here forever if she could have Krish. And so she reached up on her toes once more, meeting his lips in a soft kiss: the kind of kiss she'd previously only dreamed about.

Krish kept his arms around her, refusing to let her leave even as she spoke and replied to his question. He couldn't pursue whatever this was, without knowing the full extent of her feelings towards Abhi. There were so many rumours going around, but he wanted to know the truth directly from her. But he listened and only felt his guilt growing, he knew that it was because of his attitude earlier on, that she couldn't believe he'd ever like her. But it was when she kissed him, that he kissed her back, his one hand moving from her waist to her damp cheek now as he deepened it. "I'm sorry for being such a fool and not realizing it early enough," he whispered before drawing her in again. "Oh and Leela knows too, she pretty much figured out when I was moping over not being friends with you anymore."

Tanya pulled away from the kiss at his words, eyebrows raised. "Leela knows?" She echoed, shaking her head. A lot of things fell into place with that little tidbit of information. "No wonder she was always like 'you need to talk to Krish' 'he's your best friend' 'tell him your feelings.' I just thought she got too into character for her role where she plays a meddlesome friend." Her attention then was drawn to the other half of the sentence and it was with a smile that Tanya pulled herself closer to Krish. "So you were moping without me huh?" Her voice was light, teasing even.

Krish only chuckled at her words before nodding. "She's really intuitive, it's quite scary actually." He murmured softly, before nudging her cheek with his nose. "Why didn't you talk to me? I mean--even she was telling you to do it," he trailed off as soon as he heard her other words and ended up wrinkling his nose, before taking hold of her hand and dragging her towards his vanity van considering how the two of them were getting drenched, even though they did end up having their first real kiss in the rain. "Yes, I was moping--quite a lot without you." He sighed softly before handing her a towel. "It's why even now--after tonight I was going away so that I wouldn't have to be in the same city as you--and not have you in my life." His confessions were coming more rapidly now, something that actually told him how open he was with Tanya.

Tanya wiped away the water from her face before sputtering at Krish's words. "You were going to run away?" She chuckled at that, patting her hair with the towel. "You know, di was right. We should have our reality TV show." Leela had said the words to her after she'd told Krish to leave, even getting Aashna didi to show him the door. She had not been impressed by her little sister, and how could Tanya tell her she couldn't sit there- she couldn't sit and listen to Krish try to salvage a friendship which Tanya had destroyed because she wanted so much more. "But ab toh you've quit the film also. What are you going to do now? Considering I put a damper on your plans to run away," she murmured, tugging Krish to her so she could hold his hands, scarcely believing that this was real, any of it.

Krish rolled his eyes at the way she made it sound before shrugging. "Your di is definitely right, but no one but her would be interested in it...really, oh and the KriYa fans we have," he chuckled before feeling her pull him towards her, he smiled before pulling one hand away and wrapping it around her waist. "Who said you put a damper on my plans?" But yes she had, because he wasn't going to leave, he couldn't do it not when they were just starting out." He sighed before shrugging. "I've been reading some scripts, but I mean--I could just take you away for a holiday too na, how's that sound?"

Tanya shivered when his hand crept around her waist, palm pressing into the small of her back and she arched into his touch. "Excuse me, mujhe yeh film khatam karni hai. The film you've walked out of now, it needs a HERO to save it, and that hero is me." She stuck her tongue out at him before sighing as she leaned in to rest her head against his chest, uncaring of the fact that she'd just dried her face and his shirt was still wet. Actually, she was doing everything she could not to focus on the fact that he was wearing a wet shirt, one that was sticking to his chest, one that was now completely see through and Tanya could see every outline of muscle, every crevice, every orifice - all of it. She swallowed the lump in her throat, trying to tame the hormones bubbling in her chest.

#kriya﹕ ᴄᴏsᴛᴀʀs ᴀᴜ ⇌ ᴘᴀʀᴀɢʀᴀᴘʜs

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t-anyasen · 7 years

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iii. alvida

Tanya sat in the Phantom office, jiggling her foot nervously while she waited for Krish to arrive. She managed a nervous smile in the direction of the producers before glancing at her manager, wanting to know what was taking so long. Although Tanya knew what was taking so long. Despite being the heroine, it was he who had the more delicate constitution. So staying up all night to have a marathon of what he considered to be the best romantic movies of all time had taken more of a toll on him. She could even predict that he'd show up to the meeting with a pair of sunglasses and an extra large coffee in his hand, the KRISH scribbled in scrawny barista handwriting. Tanya hid a smile behind her hand when she heard the doors open, her favourite person in the world making his way towards them, along with his manager who had an irritated look on his face. Although considering it was Krish, this was usually Manish's normal look around the man. "Long night?" There was a teasing note in her voice, a small smirk lifting up the corner of her lips.

Krish was so exhausted, he didn't even know his left shoe from his right one and had settled for chappals instead. And so now he was walking towards the office the meeting was supposed to be in, a very large cup of coffee in his hand while his each step made him feel like the hallway was the longest he'd ever traveled in. Of course, this was also because even after they'd ended the stupid marathon he'd wanted to do, he'd been busy thinking about Tanya and so really--this was all her fault. He was only late, and tired because of her thoughts that had him roaming around in his mind constantly. Even now, when he entered the room, his eyes gravitated towards hers, not missing the look on her face before he collapsed in a seat next to her. "Shut up," he whispered before taking another sip of his coffee and looking up at the producer who sat across them with the director on a seat next to them. "Sorry I'm late," he quickly had a quintessential Krish Malhotra smile on his face instantly as he waited for them to begin their discussions.

Tanya snickered, disguising it with a cough at the hissed shut up Krish had aimed her way and only sat up straighter when the director began harping on about his vision for this film. Except instead of focusing like she knew she should have been, the way her manager would have wanted her to - her thoughts were with Krish. She nudged him with her foot, initiating a game of footsie. For the past week, Tanya had spent the night over at Krish's house more than she had at her own boyfriend's. It always ended the same way, she would end up falling asleep on his shoulder, bowl of popcorn in her lap as the movie continued to play on, Krish's attention enraptured by it. She had slowly resigned herself to the fact that this was all they'd be; all the proximity between them only existed in the friend sphere - no matter how romantically inclined it was. Just like the game of footsie they were playing under the table.

Krish had felt Tanya's foot against his own under the desk, and could only hide his smile with his hand as he continued nudging hers with his own, neither of them paying attention to the vision of the film and the direction the director planned to take it in. He knew their respective managers would deal with that and Krish and Tanya would excel with the script they were handed. He just wondered sometimes if Tanya even knew the type of pressure she was putting on Krish like this? They were acting like a pair of people who were on the verge of something more and yet--she already was in a relationship with someone else, his own friend and Krish still didn't stop this. He knew Abhi didn't like it, considering Tanya had confessed that much but that didn't stop him from calling her over, from spending time with her because even if he couldn't have her the way he wanted her in his life--he certainly wasn't going to lose out on the friendship too.

Tanya could feel Krish's foot constantly nudging against hers, not even giving her a single break to kick him back. It would certainly explain why she was so distracted, and so when the director asked her a question, Tanya only raised her eyebrows. "I'm sorry, could you--ah repeat the question?" It was when the director took a heavy sigh that Tanya gave Krish a real kick in the shins, one that was bound to hurt and she hid her smile behind her hand before paying attention to what the director was saying, despite Krish trying to get her attention. From her periphery she could see Manish rolling his eyes at the pair of them. She knew that somewhere the man thought that Tanya wasn't good for Krish, that she was leading him on - he'd made that much clear at the success party for Thumri, but how could Tanya tell him the only person's heart breaking in this arrangement was hers? Krish possessed no feelings for her whatsoever, he lived in blissful oblivion while Tanya suffered each day, being with him like this but belonging to somebody else.

Krish let out a tiny yelp when she kicked him in the shins, coughing once more to avoid the questions everyone's eyes held for him. "I'm fine," he murmured quickly, aiming a quick glare at Tanya who looked to be trying to pay attention to whatever the director was telling her while he consistently kept tugging now at her clothes, loving how she was trying to slap him away but missing his hand each and every time. It was only when the director smiled at the pair of them and left the contracts and scripts on the table before leaving the room that he turned to her, ignoring the fact that both their managers were still there and that Krish and Tanya were meant to be making their final decision on if they'd be doing this movie together or not. "You hit hard," he whispered before inching closer and tilting his head. "You're like--a jungli billi" It wasn't his fault, he'd just seen Don a few nights ago, and a slight hangover still remained in his system, plus he was dying to know how she'd react to being called something like that.

Tanya shivered when she felt his breath against her ear and she turned to look at him, their faces impossibly close. From her periphery she noticed her manager leading Manish out of the room, who in turn was only glaring at Tanya as if the second he left, she would attack Krish's virtue. She wished. "And let me guess, you just love wild cats?" Her voice too was a soft murmur as she kept her gaze focused on him, before turning so that her hair would smack him in the face and glanced down at the scripts and contracts that were in front of them. "So what do you think? Karein yeh picture? I mean I'm sure that the fans would watch anything we're in, even if it is another intense, romantic, action thriller." Tanya couldn't help but snort at the description that the director had pitched to her, her fingers running over the printed letters of the script.

Krish shook his head at her words, barely even noticing that they were alone in the room. "Not all of them, just you," he murmured before glowering when he felt her hair slap him in the face. "That hurt," he shook his head before looking at her while her attention was on the contracts and scripts in front of them. He'd already made his decision last night when he'd been told they were both being offered the film together. If Tanya did it, he'd agree to it as well. That was really the only reason he was still here right now. "We're perfect at intense and romantic, aren't we? I mean--our hottest kiss award just adds to that endorsement," Krish was making light of that night when in reality, he'd gone over that memory more times than he could even count.

Tanya laughed at that, making a kissy face at Krish. "You want to repeat the magic then?" She fluttered her eyelashes before shoving him away, rolling her eyes. She ignored the ache in her chest that wished it was real because she knew it wasn't. It wouldn't never be real no matter how much Tanya wanted for it to be; she was dating Abhimanyu. A man who seemed to hate her with every growing day, she knew he would absolutely hate it if he found out that she was doing a third film with Krish. Especially since she'd just rejected one with Abhimanyu in the lead opposite her. "I want to do it," she murmured before taking the pen that the director had left for them and quickly scribbling her signature on the required pages. She knew that the industry, tabloids and fans considered them to be the parents of their generation: Isha and Kishore had been the nation's favourite couple, it seemed only right that Krish and Tanya would be too. Unfortunately it also meant their love lives would be similar to their parents too, never being together. Except her father never had feelings for Isha, and that had been Tanya's fatal mistake.

Krish only chuckled at her words, not quite leaning closer because he knew if he did--he wouldn't be able to resist. So instead he only allowed her to push him away while he shook his head. "Dekha, tu hi darr jaati hai hamesha," and perhaps he shouldn't have said it because she pushed him away for a reason. They couldn't go around creating magic again when she was in a serious relationship with someone else. Krish had lost his chance and it was something that would always bother him but he'd also get through it. He watched her sign the documents, leaving the pen there for him to take and he easily did, but signing it was a different story. He had other opportunities that were to be completed around the same time. But this was with Tanya and just like that--his decision had been made as well.

Tanya hated how flirtatious Krish was; she despised it even more now. There had been a time when she'd loved it, and that had been on the sets of their first film. She'd loved it because it was easier to live in her own little world then, a world where she could pretend that he meant every word he said. She could do the same now, but it would be different. Different because she could never have him, different because she wasn't with him but rather with his best friend because this said best friend had shown interest in her while Krish had not. She grinned when he signed the document, and held out her hand for him to shake. "Well congratulations to our third film together partner."

Krish made a face at her words and shook his head. "Partner sounds very lame Tanya," he laughed before shrugging. "We'll have to think of something else to call one another." Krish was content, or at least he was working very hard in convincing himself of that. It was all him, and of course the therapist he'd gone to see. He needed to tell someone, someone who was paid to keep quiet and only to give him advice that he didn't necessarily have to follow through with. Krish had told her everything about how he and Tanya met, how he'd been unsure of his feelings and how Abhi had swooped in and how now it was even more difficult. The therapist had told him to keep some distance between himself and Tanya. But looking down at those signed contracts, Krish could only smile--he was never going to be able to take that advice.

Tanya sat in her apartment, curtains drawn, windows shut and let out another soft sob. She couldn't believe it. A week into shooting with Krish and Abhimanyu had broken up with her. He'd told her that they wanted different things out of life and just left. She didn't love him, but having been with him for more than a year - she had grown accustomed to him, grown fond of him and if she weren't in love with Krish, she would have fallen in love with Abhimanyu. The doorbell rang then and Tanya looked up at the clock. Shit, she'd forgotten to cancel on Krish. Except how was Tanya to know that Abhimanyu would do this to her? She had no way of knowing at all. She couldn't have planned for this and yet a small part of her knew that this had been a long time coming. Abhimanyu had been irritated with her for days on end. For months. Ever since the awards show when she and Krish had won the award for 'Hottest Kiss.' The doorbell rang again and Tanya sniffled, wiping away her tears with the back of her hand. "Coming," she cried out, her voice hoarse. Her footsteps were heavy, as if she wished to sink into the floor before unlocking the door. "Hey!" The enthusiasm in her voice was forced, fake, and phony and Tanya prayed Krish wouldn't call her out on it. She knew he'd pick up on it though, he always did when anything was wrong with her.

Krish had made plans with Tanya to run some lines with her, but they both knew they were going to put on some old film, make some good old fashioned junk food and just enjoy the night. They'd both hate themselves for it the next morning, but he'd convince her to do it anyways. He was good at that, convincing her to do things she completely didn't want to do. It was like he could almost convince her to do things that made her an entirely different person. Perhaps that's why when Krish appeared at her door and had seen her open it--he knew it wasn't Tanya. Of course, she looked like Tanya, had the same height, and the same voice--but her eyes were different. These felt hollow and glassy as if she'd been crying. He didn't say anything, choosing instead to give her a smile first before gesturing in. "Should I come in or--maybe another time?" He didn't want to leave her alone. God, he prayed she'd invite him in because if she didn't. It was almost guaranteed, Krish would use some silly excuse to ensure his entry into her home.

Tanya managed a wobbly smile in his direction before moving to the side of the door so he could enter as she shut the door behind him. "No, I'm not--" a crack in her voice, one which she tried to hide with a cough. "I'm not doing anything, besides - we made plans na?" There was one upside to this entire thing: now she could really fall into the character that she had been given. The director hadn't been lying when he'd described the film to be intense. She was playing the girlfriend of Krish's character who went missing. It was two parallel storylines, one of her searching for him and his where he continuously tried to escape. Most of their scenes were in flashbacks, apart from the scenes at the end where they were reunited. At least now Tanya would be able to harness some of that anger towards Abhimanyu who was too cowardly to tell her the real reason he wanted to break up, into the action sequences. "Do you want water? I'll get some water. I think there's some in the kitch--" Her voice died in her throat when she caught the way Krish was looking at her. "Kya?"

Krish listened to her ramble on before she stared up at him and he just stared back. He didn't know what he could say to her to make her understand that he wasn't someone else, he was Krish and he knew her every mood like the back of his hand. Hell, on their first day together--he'd known she was nervous even though she'd been pretending to be okay with everyone else. Some people had a special connect and that was the same for the two of them. "You're not telling me something. Something that's bothering you," he murmured before taking her hand and leading her to her couch and sitting her down. "Now--we're not doing anything or going anywhere until you tell me what's wrong."

Tanya protested, very weakly, when he'd tugged her back down on the couch and demanded to know what was wrong. It had taken her a grand total of three seconds before she'd caved. "Abhi and I broke up-- a few hours ago," she breathed out before looking away from him. She wouldn't be able to tell him that he was the reason; or at least, she suspected he was the reason. She knew Abhimanyu had cited irreconcilable differences but she also knew Abhimanyu, or she'd at least been observing him for the past few weeks and she knew it was Krish. He despised the closeness she shared with his best friend, maybe he'd caught on that she had feelings for Krish and not him. Maybe that was why he'd broken up with her.

Krish was stunned at the words she'd uttered, his mouth actually still open. "A few hours ago? Wh--oh god," he murmured before running his hand through his hair. "You shouldn't have even let me in." He knew now that it was why she looked like she'd been crying because she was devastated. And he understood that. She and Abhi had been in love, to have broken up now--it made no sense and he was annoyed mainly because Abhi was always the safe choice, the one anyone could bank on because he'd never let anyone get hurt--yet he'd hurt Tanya now, something Krish didn't know how to forgive. "Do you--what can I do for you? Tujhe kuch chaiye? Ice cream or something?"

Tanya shook her head at his question and only shuffled closer to him, resting her head against his chest. "Just please-- hold me?" Tanya hated how pathetic her voice sounded, she hated how she seemed so needy, so clingy. No wonder Abhimanyu had dumped her; she may as well have had a tattoo across her forehead that proclaimed her feelings for Krish. She let out a sniffle, burying her face in his shirt as she tried so desperately to keep it together. And there, nestled in Krish's arms - Tanya found a sense of calm, she found a strange peace. Her heart resumed its normal pace, and she could feel her cheeks flush, the way they always did around him. When Krish shifted in their embrace, Tanya looked up at him. Her eyes were wide and blinking, lost in his. Perhaps that had been what prompted her to lean in. Her hand shifted its grip from his shirt to rest against his cheek, lips hesitantly seeking his.

Krish did as she asked, his arms winding around her as he cradled her close to himself. He knew she needed comfort but a part of him was worried that he was the wrong person to be giving it to her, especially considering how their relationship had been so close that Abhi had been upset because of it. Wait, was that why he'd broken up with Tanya? Was all this--his fault? Krish wanted to ask her, he needed to know but before he could say anything, he felt her lips against his and found himself softly kissing her back, allowing himself to pretend this was a dream, but it was a reality, and maybe Tanya felt like she was with Abhi once more, but for Krish--he knew what was happening, and this time, there were no camera's rolling around them either, but he still held her close and kissed her back, allowing his ever growing feelings for her to translate into that kiss.

Tanya couldn't believe that she was kissing Krish when there were no cameras around, or that he was kissing her back. She held onto him tightly, her fingers sinking into his hair when he deepened the kiss. How was she to tell him, she'd spent countless nights dreaming of a moment like this between them? How was she to tell him that she'd been wanting this for so long, wanting him for so long. Tanya leaned back slowly until she lay on the couch, Krish draped over her. Her heart raced in her chest, disbelieving of this reality.

Krish should've stopped it, he shouldn't have deepened the kiss and he certainly shouldn't have lay her down on the couch but he could feel his mind losing control of his heart with every second their lips were touching. Krish wanted this, and he'd been wanting it from that first moment in the wine cellar but he'd never believed she'd willingly kiss him. All the jokes, all the flirting--he thought it was just for fun and yet--here she was, unbuttoning his shirt while he kissed his way down her neck.

Tanya let out a hitched moan of his name when she felt his lips against her soft spot, fingers clenching around the spot she had been unbuttoning. Her chest rose and fell steadily before she continued to undo the buttons of his shirt. It would have been a different thing if the movements were hasty, if they were in a rush to get each other's clothes off and be with one another. Then, it could have been blamed on hormones but this was different. They both were moving with ease, taking their time - almost as if they wanted to savour the moment, committ the memory to each cell in their being. At least that's what Tanya was doing, why Krish was reciprocating she had no idea.

Krish had almost frozen when he heard her say his name, even though it was strained and the way it was said told him exactly how much she liked what he was doing. But she didn't just imagine Abhi while being lost in this with him. That perhaps was all he needed to believe that she knew what was happening here. But yet the fact that she still didn't know how much he loved her made him ache because he badly wanted her to know. Still he carefully lifted her shirt off of her before tossing it to the side, kissing his way down her neck, each new part of her that was revealed would get savoured because he wanted her to feel special, just as special as she was becoming for him.

Tanya kept him close to her chest, her own hands roaming his back with a fervent dedication, fingers discovering each crevice in his skin, each ridged part of muscle and committed it to memory. Her own hands worked at her skirt, undoing the zipper in the front before she shimmied out of it. It was only between kisses she managed to get out a soft, "Bedroom." It would seem calculated, maybe Krish would think she was taking advantage of their friendship but she didn't care. She wasn't going to have her first time on a medium priced faux leather sofa she'd picked up from Featherlite. She wanted it to be in her bedroom, where she could pretend that he was in love with her too. She knew he didn't; she'd realized this albeit painfully over the course of their friendship. So Tanya would take whatever she got, and if what she got was Krish's lips moving along her neck, leaving little marks in his wake - she would take it, and more.

Krish could feel her fingers dancing along his back, feeling every edge of his skin while his own lips did the same to her neck. He felt her pull her hands away and was almost about to stop when he felt them lower now, undoing her skirt so that she was laying there in front of him clad in only her lingerie. Krish had barely managed to conceal the whimper that left him when he felt her tugging him slightly closer. His lips were on hers once more when she uttered her quiet demand. And Krish obliged, scooping her up in his arms as he led her up to her bedroom and lay her down on the bed carefully. Their lips weren't touching now, and there was ample space between them so if she wanted to stop what was inevitably going to happen..this was her chance. But for Krish, he wanted this, he wanted to give her all the love he'd been feeling for so long--allowing it finally an outlet like this.

Tanya watched Krish with hooded eyes as he hovered over her, not yet coming close enough to touch and suddenly there was a fire in her chest. It flamed and aggravated into a bigger one every time she so as much tried to breathe. Her hands reached for him, arms looping around his neck as she pressed her lips to his. Just like that the fire was calmed, extinguished even. It had disappeared into whatever corner it had come from, but its effects lingered on Tanya's skin as it flushed every time Krish touched her. Her legs wrapped around his waist, tugging him even closer to her so there would be no distance between them. All the while, her heart hammered in her chest, her breathing quick. What if he realized that she'd never done this before? What if he decided to stop right before they did it? Tanya was sure she would die.

Krish hadn't been able to stand that far away and so when she willingly tugged him closer, he easily closed the gap. He could feel her legs wrapped around his waist, his own hands at her waist as he pushed her deeper into the bed gently. His clothing was all still on his person but there really was no rush right now. He wanted it to be slow, he wanted both of them to be able to remember this because he knew she probably would regret it tomorrow and he'd regret that he'd willingly done this right after she and Abhi had broken up. But truthfully, none of this mattered right now. He continuing leaving kisses down her skin, his one hand raising up to trace along the underwire of her bra when he heard her breathing hitch slightly.

Tanya shut her eyes, a soft moan escaping her when she felt his fingers flutter against the edge of her breasts and she wanted nothing more than for him to unhook it, to have his hands all over her. She wondered if he knew that she had dreamed of this moment many lonely nights, especially after that steamy kiss they'd shared at the awards. She'd memorized the feeling of his lips on her, memorized how it felt to have his hand at the small of her back as if he were holding her together by just the skin of his palm. Her hands reached for him once again, hands pushing the shirt off his shoulders. It was useless anyways, considering that it had been unbuttoned but was just hanging on his shoulders. Strong, broad shoulders that Tanya dug her fingers into when she felt his lips against her skin, her head fell back into her pillow, hair spreading across the fabric, her eyes shut.

Krish knew there was really not turning back from this moment and that it truly was about to become a milestone in their relationship. Although perhaps he'd see it as a milestone only because of how badly he wanted it but for her--it could be a turning point in the sense that Krish willingly let them ruin the friendship they'd worked so hard at rebuilding. Krish knew he wasn't letting her cheat right now, considering she and Abhimanyu had broken up, but yet there was a strange feeling in his heart, tugging at him, telling him that it wasn't right. Still--he masterfully pushed that thought away and allowed his shirt to fall as he came over her once more, feeling her fingers press against his skin while she tugged him even closer. The friction between them and their clothes was becoming a lot for him to bare and so he swiftly unbuttoned his jeans, working on shimmying out of them while he lay on the bed, his lips attached to hers still as he elicited the most sinful of sounds from her.

Tanya let out a gasp when he flipped them over so that she was straddling him, legs bent on either side of him. She helped him kick off the jeans before bending down to kiss him again. She'd pored over countless Mills and Boons books back in boarding school in Delhi, couple that with all the stories of her friends and their exploits - Tanya was well aware of what went down between a boy and a girl past this point. Perhaps another reason Abhimanyu had broken up with her was the fact that she never truly put out, she wouldn't have sex with him - everything else though, she was fine with. It was almost as if she was saving herself for someone who she really loved and now that she was here with that person, Tanya was willing to give it all up to him. Except he'd never know how she felt for him; maybe for him this was just an easy lay, a way to get rid of the attraction he'd felt to her during all the kisses they'd shared over the years because of the films they'd done. The sinking feeling in her chest however told her, this would force their friendship to take a turn for the worse. Her mother had once said that wishes were double edged swords, Tanya had never realized what she meant until this moment. This was everything she'd ever wanted, but she was laying everything else she had with him on the line for this one night.

Krish hadn't expected it to be quite like this. And he had imagined it in a lot of different ways, in a lot of different places and taking place under a lot of different circumstances. His favourite though, was where they'd done this because they'd both been in love with each for so long and had been unable to physically say the words. It was always the furthest one to reach too because Tanya was still in love with Abhi, and was probably just looking for some sort of escape from reality. But for Krish, this was something he'd wanted for a long time. Yes, some of it was due to the intense sexual tension he felt around her lately, especially when she'd be testing him, but the other part--it was because he was dying to tell her the words he'd only been able to come to realize of late. He was irrevocably in love with this woman, from head to toe and he intended on showing her that in any which way that was possible. He continued kissing her, loving the way her body seemed to fold into his as if they were meant for one another, the thought made him ache especially when he knew, he knew this would never happen again.

Tanya fell back into the bed once she came crumbling down from her high. She let out another soft whisper of Krish's name, lips at his ear, tracing the edge of it for what she assumed was the last time. He wouldn't want anything to do with her after this night, the sinking feeling had appeared in her chest and it refused to disappear. In fact, it seemed intent on telling Tanya that she'd thrown away what was a good friendship because her heart was too selfish, because she had jumped on an opportunity to be close to him without realizing it could mean she would lose everything she had already. And now she would be left with him in no capacity. She fumbled for the sheets before lifting them up to her chest, draping herself in them as she wondered if he'd caught on that this had been her first, if he had heard her heart beating a million miles a minute in her chest, if he'd heard the unspoken i love you in her moans.

Krish hadn't realized that once this happened between him and Tanya--nothing else would seem right. He'd been so overwhelmed with feelings when she'd tugged him close when their lips were on one another's that he hadn't allowed himself to think about anything else. But right now, with the quiet that had overcome them, even as he stared at her--he knew everything had changed. He wanted to hold her, he wanted to crush her close to his chest, allowing his heart to tell her just what he wanted and yet he couldn't. Because Krish was her friend. He wasn't supposed to be anything more to her, and he knew she'd never see him that way. Instead, he just closed his eyes and shuffled closer to her, praying she'd allow him these few moments to commit to his memory before she'd pull away and leave him aching just like before.

Tanya sighed in relief, her shoulders visibly relaxing when he crushed her to his chest. And even then, the way he'd done it was so gentle - Tanya fought back tears. There was an overwhelming feeling in her chest, one that was threatening to burst, one that wanted to tell Krish she'd been in love with him since the first day they'd met on the set of their first movie. She wanted to tell him that she'd spent all these years pining after him; he was the reason her first reaction had been relief when Abhimanyu had wanted to break up with her. Of course all of that was replaced by the very real fear that he would reject her. She wasn't sure that her heart would be able to take a rejection like that, especially after what had just culminated between the pair. So instead, Tanya stamped out any feeling in her chest and just allowed her to relish in Krish's embrace, her eyes shut as she fell asleep to the steady rhythm of his beating heart.

Krish didn't know why but his heart had considerably calmed the moment he felt her curl into his embrace, almost as if she needed this moment the same way he did. But that didn't make sense, because for Tanya--this was just an outlet right? Somewhere to let out the frustration and feelings she was dealing with? But for Krish--Krish would hold onto this moment, reminding himself what it felt to hold her after they'd connected in a way that he'd never imagined they would. Because for him, she was always off-limits, and now he just wanted to know what it would be like to hold her hand at some event, to take her out to dinner, to be her boyfriend. Krish didn't voice any of this, allowing himself to fall asleep with her scent wafting around him. It was only when he woke up at nearly 6 am that he realized he was still in her home, her bed, in her arms when he knew she'd hate him for what had happened. How could she not? He would be better off leaving, lest they get into an argument. He couldn't let that taint the memory he'd built so carefully since last night. And that's why he'd grabbed his clothing, prayed that there wouldn't be any paparazzi as he fled from her place, sending her a text message once he was in the car. Sorry I had to leave, early call time for me but you get to sleep in thankfully. I'll see you later onset yeah? The moment he sent it though, he knew it wasn't enough, there was so much more to say and yet the words weren't easy to form in his mind or in the text message.

Tanya woke up in the morning to a cold, empty bed. The only evidence that Krish had ever been here the night before were the marks on her neck, and the fact that his side of the bed looked slept in. She could still feel his arms around her, the steady way his chest rose and fell as he slept. She of course hadn't done much sleeping, instead choosing to look at Krish while he slept, to memorize the feeling of his arms wrapped around her, to replay what had happened between them the night before. So when she woke up alone, the metallic taste was back in her mouth and she frowned, reaching for her phone. Even the text message seemed too careful, too rehearsed. It was almost as if Krish was trying to pretend things would go back to normal and yet all Tanya had wanted was for him to stay here, so she wouldn't have woken up alone, so she didn't feel like a dirty little secret. It was only when Tanya made her way to set that she realized she hadn't bothered to cover all the bites he'd left on her the night before, and it was with a meek smile that she let her makeup artist and hair stylist gossip about Abhimanyu. They'd find out soon enough that she was no longer seeing him, and the only person she wanted to see probably never wanted to see her again.

Krish hated that he left her in bed alone but the truth was that he did have an early call time and she didn't but the thought of maybe waking up with her in his arms, her looking up at him with that lazy sleepy smile she always had on was something he missed. Even now as he worked hard at enacting his scenes with accuracy, his heart was wondering how she was, if she'd show up to set. But it was when he was headed to his own van that he saw her door open, the makeup artist and hair stylist coming out of it. "Can you imagine? It's like he devoured her. Damn, I wish I had a guy like Abhimanyu Singh in my life." Krish coughed at the words they said, disguising it with his hand over his mouth before he entered his own van. She hadn't bothered to correct them, what if--what if she and Abhi had gotten together? It had been about 6 hours since he left Tanya's home and maybe in that time--they had gotten together? Krish shut his eyes, not wanting to be caught up in this the way he was. He just wanted to cross the few steps to her van, tell her he was in love with her, and that he wanted her to choose him. But something was stopping him, rejection. If Tanya rejected him, there was nothing stopping him from breaking down and that was something Krish was afraid to do.

Tanya didn't want to shoot, she wanted to tell her manager that she was done. She couldn't do this film, except Tanya knew exactly what Ananya would say. She could even imitate the constipated expression the woman would have as she told Tanya that she'd made a commitment and it would incredibly costly to walk out of such a big budget film. It was the one of the first times Phantom Productions would be doing a film with such a high budget, after the disaster of some director's magnum opus at the box office. They'd hired Krish and Tanya specifically due to their bankability as a pair. These were all facts Tanya knew and yet she didn't think she had the strength to face Krish after what they had done, to see the disgust in his eyes for her, or worse indifference. He probably did this with hundreds of other girls, and she had been clutching her virginity to her chest like a prize and last night, she'd given it up to Krish. He already had her heart, now he had all of her too. What if he didn't want it? What would she do then?

Krish had watched the director of the film become more fidgety with every second and finally held up a hand telling him that he'd go and check on Tanya. He knew perhaps she was still dealing with the breakup, not to mention what had happened between them but he was still her friend, at least he hoped he was. Unless she too was thinking along the same lines as Krish and deciding that him being with her that way last night--was fully just him taking advantage of her vulnerable behavior. Krish allowed this guilt to continue swallowing him up like quicksand when he knocked on the door to her van. "Tanya--it's me," he cleared his throat, aware that she could very well tell him to leave and not want to deal with him and was semi-worried that it was how she'd react because maybe she hated him for what he'd done. How could he tell her that he had wanted it for so long, how could he admit that he'd been in love with her for her since their success bash for Qayamat? He couldn't, not when she was still reeling from what had happened with Abhimanyu.

Tanya looked up when she heard Krish's voice and immediately her hand dropped from where it had been at her neck, touching the love bites he'd left on her, ones that were now concealed with heavy layers of foundation, and correcting concealer. She couldn't imagine letting him see her like this, pining after him. It was as if after that night, her feelings for him had resurfaced with grandiose and she would give up her life for him if he asked. The words were on her lips, words that would tell him she'd been in love with him ever since they were shooting Qayamat. Words that would tell him she'd only dated Abhimanyu because she thought it would help her get over him. It hadn't worked; she'd only fallen deeper in love with Krish Malhotra. Tanya stood then, opening the door and giving Krish a half smile. "Sorry, I got caught up with the outfit." She didn't give him any other explanation and was already cursing herself at how she sounded so formal, so stilted - as if talking to Krish caused her pain. And it did because every time she looked at him, all she could think of was his lips at her neck, the different sounds he'd let out, the way he'd stiffen in her arms when she'd nip at his ear and let out that sinful sounding moan of her name. All thoughts that were definitely not safe for work.

Krish had been half tempted to just walk away, aware that she wouldn't want to see him when the door opened. It was at her half smile and her words that his realization came. She hated him for what he'd done. That was why she'd never texted back, that was why she was acting so formal around him as if being around him--wasn't what she wanted. He didn't enter her van the way he normally would, uncaring of what anyone thought. Things were different now, they were different now. He looked at her clothes, before returning his eyes to her face, remembering the way yesterday his lips had followed the same path causing him not to clear his throat. "You look--you look really good," he murmured before frowning and turning back towards the set. "Woh sab wait kar rahe the so I thought, I'd just check and see if you needed more time or--if you're okay?"

Tanya followed his gaze to the set, the way she'd followed his eyes and how they'd dropped to her chest, slowly trailing upwards to her lips and eventually her eyes. All it reminded Tanya of was how he'd laid her down on the couch, his lips moving along her neck while her own hands had been unbuttoning a shirt, not unlike the one he was wearing right now. She shook her head, stepping out of the van. "I'm better than okay." Except she wasn't; she was crumbling on the inside and she wanted nothing more than to kiss Krish right, she wanted to kiss him the way she had last night, and watch the entire world come to a standstill, violins and fireworks in the background - the way it always felt when she kissed him. The truth was, she was regretting this film, especially today. Today when they'd be shooting a few flashback scenes in which she and Krish were supposed to kiss. How was Tanya to stop the lines from blurring now? Especially after what had taken place the night before.

Krish didn't believe a word out of her mouth, the same way he hadn't believed her yesterday when she'd acted as if she was perfectly okay. This time though--he didn't know if it was because of her break up or because of what had transpired between them after the breakup. All Krish wanted to do, was to take her hand, rub it gently, reminding her that he was still there, the way he always promised he'd be. But now--things were different. Maybe she didn't want him there anymore, maybe she didn't want to deal with his presence in her life considering how he'd taken advantage of her like that. Once they were both on set, they were both handed their script again. This flashback was to take place when the two were pretty deep in their relationship, a place where their kisses would seem natural and not at all scripted--something Krish was growing more and more afraid of as every second they waited until the director called for action!

Tanya stood on edge until the director called for the scene, and then she turned off the person inside of her, slipping into the character that she was meant to play. "You're not allowed to leave for such long periods of time," she recited before running to the other end of the set where Krish was. The stage directions for this moment were that she was to run directly towards him, jumping into his arms and kiss him. She exhaled shakily before hoisting herself up, trying not to think about how she had her legs wrapped around his waist just like this last night. Her fingers sank into his hair, the way they had last night - except last night, they were guiding his head lower and lower down her body. And then their lips met. Her heart burst in her chest and all the feelings she'd kept hidden came flooding out, reminding Tanya that she could never truly escape it.

Krish hadn't been nearly as quick as she had and so when she collided with him, his arms hoisting her up as her legs wrapped around him--he wasn't able to switch off his true self and get into character. No--he'd merely stayed as Krish as he kissed her, his one hand buried in her hair, completely messing it up as he whispered quiet apologies against her lips, somehow remembering that part of his character, or maybe, that was truly what he was feeling right now. Because Krish knew she was upset with him and was doing this as part of her character, but for him--this was a reality he was beginning to crave more and more with every moment they spent together.

Tanya realized this had been a bad idea. She should have called her manager this morning and told her that she couldn't do this. Her judgement clouded as she kissed Krish, forgetting that this was a scene in a film. To her, it was as if they had rewinded back to last night when he had been kissing her like this, his lips against her, tongue gently prodding her mouth open before she gave herself up to him entirely. The reminder that this wasn't real came right then, with the director's voice booming through a megaphone as he yelled CUT. Tanya pulled away from Krish then, feeling every part of her body tingle, feeling her heart slowly bloom once more after it had shrivelled up when she'd woken up alone, when she'd seen that detached text from Krish on her phone. The director, oblivious idiot, had a smile on his face as he approached them. "I had my qualms about hiring you two, wondering if you really did have chemistry but seeing this..." The director only laughed, clapping the pair on the back before returning to his seat as he made a twirling motion with his fingers. "And take two." Tanya exhaled, turning to look at Krish and managing another half smile. She wanted to give him a real smile, one that showed her dimples but it was as if her face refused to cooperate.

Krish was smiling into the kiss, feeling every part of her giving herself up to him, almost as if they'd reverted back to what they were, what they should have been. Krish wanted to apologize, he wanted to whisper how badly he wanted to take her into her van or his right now, but he couldn't say those things, he couldn't even think any of that. So when the yell for CUT was heard, he pulled away just as she did, and felt the strange hollow cold feeling he'd felt whenever he was away from Tanya, away from her aura. But he smiled at the director for the words he was saying, obviously believing them considering the chemistry he and Tanya had--was pretty hard to top. But when he was about to reach for Tanya again, he saw that smile on her face and ended up frowning, his hand raising up out of its own accord as he pressed into her dimple, questioning her quietly how she was doing?"

Tanya couldn't help the smile that appeared much more naturally when his finger dug into her dimples and she shook his head, raising her own hand to ask for a five minute break. The director only agreed and Tanya took Krish's hand, leading him away from the set, leading him into her vanity despite the confused looks, and hushed whispers from all around them. Oh if only they knew what she and Krish had done last night. It was only when the door shut behind her that she leaned against the wall, fingers running through hair before she let out a soft exhale. "Whatever happened last night..." Even mentioning it sent a chill down Tanya's spine as she felt the memories wash over her: the way his arms had wrapped around her back, tugging her close until his lips trailed a map down her neck, mapping constellations into skin, letting everyone know that she was his. Which was why what she was going to say next, was going to break her heart. "It happened, we just-- we have to move on."

Krish was pretty relieved when he caught her real smile instead of the fake one she was trying to pacify him with. But when she took his hand and led him into her van, he was almost certain they were both about to engage in a repeat of last night. However, if that was the case, he was going to tell her just how he felt, everything he'd been harboring in his chest for so long, hidden in his heart. Krish smiled when she started speaking, but as her words continued--the smile fell and he was left just staring at her, a frown on his forehead now as he realized what she was saying. She hated him for doing that to her, the thought even disgusted her which was why she was so adamant to make sure he understood that they needed to move on. "Oh, um," Krish cleared his throat with a cough before shrugging. "I, yeah, sure whatever you want. We move on, great." The only thought that kept ringing through his mind was that she regretted it, and that was why she was having this talk with him right away. Perhaps it was the incentive he needed for keeping his distance from her now. Because now that Krish had a taste of what it would be like to truly be with Tanya, he didn't know if he could keep himself from admitting the reality of his feelings.

Tanya didn't understand the way Krish's posture had deflated, as if he'd been expecting to utter something other than what she had. But even the thought of Krish Malhotra wanting her was preposterous. It was probably his ego, an ego that couldn't believe a girl didn't want to brag about having slept with him of all people. Tanya exhaled, moving closer to where Krish was and taking a seat next to him as she placed a hand on his knee. "What happened last night, it shouldn't have happened. I was sad, and vulnerable and I needed somebody. And you were there - I took advantage of you." She looked away from him then, knowing that she wouldn't be able to look him in the eye as she spoke these words. Especially since she didn't believe in them at all; she didn't think she'd taken advantage of him, she didn't think that this was a mistake. "I don't want to lose our friendship Krish, please." Ah, this part was true.

Krish only looked up at her when he felt her hand on his knee, surprised by the sudden reaction when he heard her words. "You--I agree it shouldn't have happened." Like that. But even Krish knew it was bound to happen, because the feelings he had for her was so strong now, and granted, he'd have rather made his move on her once she was aware of his feelings. "You didn't. Take advantage of me I mean, that was me. I knew you'd just broken up and I didn't--I shouldn't have stayed," he murmured quietly noting the way she turned away from him which just left him feeling slightly sad in a way that he couldn't even explain. "We won't," he said quietly, "of course we won't. It's us," he was saying the right words but without the right feeling that was required for her or anyone else even to believe in them.

Tanya shut her eyes at his words, wishing that he hadn't said that. Didn't he understand how they made her feel? How they made her feel as if she had a shot with him, even if it was just a sliver. Why would he say something like that? He would only take advantage of her if he felt something towards her and she knew that he didn't. No, she was the one who had initiated it, she was the one who had been so eager to touch him, to feel him, to have him inside her - obviously he'd go along with it. What boy wouldn't? It was at his soft reassurance, a reassurance that sounded half hearted that Tanya looked up at him, a frown on her features. "You don't sound so sure of that," she muttered, finally keeping her gaze locked on his no matter how it made her feel. It didn't matter if looking at him, made her feel as if her entire body was on fire and all she wanted to do was kiss him. She had to memorize him, memorize this, remind herself that this had been real. Especially considering that after today, she would never speak of it again, keep it locked away in her chest till night when she would revisit it in her dreams.

Krish heard her words and knew that as always she'd be able to tell when he wasn't truly into what he was saying, just like she could try to mask her smile but he'd be able to tell that it wasn't her real one in a heartbeat. But what could he say to her? That no, he didn't think he'd be able to hold onto his friendship with her anymore because that's all it was? Just a friendship? No. He wasn't that selfish. Perhaps he had been incredibly jealous when she was dating Abhi, and he would be the next time she finds a man to build a relationship with again--but he wouldn't be able to let his love become that overpowering that in order to look out for his own interests, he'd push her away. "I'm just--I don't know how we can move past this...you're not any old girl Tanya, you're--well, you."

Tanya sighed at that, wishing he hadn't said that either. How was she supposed to move on from this when he treated her like she was something more? Like she was something he'd been waiting for? She wasn't; Tanya knew that. If he'd liked her, he would have asked her in Qayamat, when according to Raina - her crush on him had reeked. It was so obvious apparently, that a blind man could have seen it from five kilometres away. He would have known that there was no chance of him ever being rejected, and he hadn't said anything. So she knew that he couldn't like her, that much was decided from the start. "And you're you, but our friendship means more to me than whatever happened that night." This part at least, was true; although for Tanya it was true because she knew she would never get what had happened that night again; hence, she wanted to save their friendship. "I don't want to lose you because of last night, Krish."

Krish hadn't realized he'd been saying all the wrong words lately considering the way she was sighing after each one of them as if they were somehow the opposite of what she'd expected to hear. What was he supposed to say? What did she want him to say? He hadn't a clue and right now sitting there with her, in this close proximity, meant he wasn't going to find out either. Listening to her words, he agreed with her, everything about who they were to one another would always mean more to him than whatever fantasies of a relationship he'd cooked up in his head. Besides, she'd dated his best friend, there was no way she'd ever even think about something more with Krish and he needed to come to terms with that, as quickly as possible. "Why are you so afraid of losing me? Like--why do you believe you will lose me?"

Tanya shrugged, letting out a soft laugh. Her hand came up to her eyes, quickly wiping away the tears that had threatened to escape. "Call it a hunch," she mumbled, moving her hand from where it rested upon his knee and taking his hand in hers. "Because I-- Somehow, somewhere when something means the world to me, somehow it always leaves me and I don't want... I don't want to lose you based on a mistake that I made. You're too important to me for that to happen." She smiled at him then, holding out her pinky finger. "Promise?" The feeling in her chest didn't disappear though; the one that told her she'd only stalled the storm - it would come back and take Krish away from her.

Krish wanted to tell her again, remind her that this wasn't a mistake, and it certainly wasn't one of her doing. But--that's what she saw last night as. A mistake. Krish couldn't tell her now how much he loved her, or how he'd felt it for so long but had been unable to do or say anything about it. And so he did what he could, basically lock away his heart and wait for the inevitable outcome. He locked his pinky with hers and smiled before shrugging. "I promise," he whispered, praying he could let them fall back into their old ease and tug her forward. But now--if he tugged her, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from kissing her and knowing it was a mistake--well that was a pain he'd deal with when he was on his own later that night.

Tanya hadn't believed herself when she'd told Krish that she just wanted things to go back to normal; she had thought that the fact they'd had sex would hang between them like a heavy sword. Except it hadn't, somehow they'd managed to seamlessly fit back into their friendship. Of course, the fact that every moment she spent around Krish made her feel like her body was on fire. She loved him so much that Tanya had difficulty discerning where she ended and where he began; it was truly saddening. Especially considering how he had no feelings for her. She nodded when the makeup artist asked her to tilt her head upwards as she applied a shade of light pink on her lips. They were doing another photoshoot today, one for Filmfare. One they hadn't done the last time they had been together for a film, and Tanya was sure it had something to do with the fact that Abhimanyu was in the film too. Speaking of Abhimanyu, the media had finally caught wind of the fact that one of their favourite pairings had called it quits, and now she was constantly hounded with questions as to why, and some even going as far as asking if it had to do with her blossoming romance with Krish. The thought made her laugh because nobody wished that was true more than she. Even now as she stepped towards the dining area of the JW Marriot where they shooting, Tanya's heart did a little flip at the sight of Krish speaking to the photographer.

Krish had been struggling, he would lie about it easily if anyone asked him but he really was. Being around Tanya, especially a film like this where all their flashbacks moments were moments he wished for in their real life was becoming excruciatingly difficult. He wanted to just be around her all the time, allow himself to wrap his arms around her waist and tug her close, press random kisses against her lips and cheek--but he couldn't. Even his character had to force himself to restrain it in the present scenes. But today was going to be even more different. A photoshoot was always harder because your every expression was caught on some form of camera. Either by still photography, or the behind the scenes video that would no doubt be posted online for everyone to scrutinize over. He'd noticed that actually, even since it became public knowledge that Abhi and Tanya had broken up, Krish had become the cause, something neither he nor his PR team was happy with. Of course, they had insisted on him not spending as much time with Tanya but he wouldn't pay any heed to that, not when he'd made her a promise--the very same promise that hurt him every single day. But he'd been shooting for his own solo shots before Rohan, the photographer called him up to take a look and so he did, but the moment he heard a quiet hush around the set, his attention was on the woman who'd just walked into the dining area of the hotel. Krish felt his breath get caught instantly and found himself feeling a bit too warm. It wasn't as if he hadn't ever seen her dressed up before because he had, and he'd loved her even then--but perhaps it was these stupid new feelings that had him aching even more at the sight of her looking so beautiful. Krish wanted to draw her close, whisper in her ear just how gorgeous she looked, but none of that was allowed anymore. Because if he did, there was absolutely nothing stopping him from kissing her cheek, and then her lips. Once that happened--Krish wouldn't know how to stop, and that was a scary thought. So instead, he raised his hand when he felt her eyes on his and smiled. "Hey, you look great." Great was good, great didn't share just how much he loved her at all.

Tanya managed to keep the natural smile on her face, dimples and all, when Krish told her she looked 'great.' Great was something you told your sister. Great was something you used to describe your mother when she asked your opinion on a new scarf. Hell, you even said great job buddy to a dog you were teaching how to play fetch. It was that word that ultimately slammed the reminder into her chest that Krish Malhotra did not, nor would he ever possess any kind of feelings for her and perhaps it was in Tanya's best interest to stop wishing for it. She was better off wasting her wishes on something like a waterfall made out of chocolate, or an endless supply of sparkling water for the entirety of her life. "You look very nice," she muttered, her fingers brushing against the blazer he was wearing. "Very suave." Tanya chuckled to herself then before stepping away from Krish. She hated this already, and everybody around them could tell. They were a far cry from the Krish and Tanya they had been on their first Filmfare cover together: flirty, fun and somewhere - they'd only had eyes for each other.

Krish hated this. He really did. He knew she didn't like what he'd said, he could see it in her eyes. She may have thought she had him fooled but he knew when she wasn't feeling alright and with what he'd said--she definitely wasn't pleased. Still when she came near him, he knew his heart had sped up. How could it not around her? How could he not feel like she was coming close because she wanted to, not because she had to? But her compliments, those weren't forced at all, especially when he felt her hands brush against his blazer. Basically, Krish was to have four different looks on this cover. One was a full suit, one was just the vest, and finally just the shirt buttoned up, and then--of course, he'd be unbuttoning that shirt a considerable amount which he knew was strictly to make them both even more uncomfortable considering ever since she'd broken up--people really were beginning to wonder when Tanya and Krish would succumb to their chemistry. How was he supposed to tell them they already had--but Tanya had hated it so much that she'd wanted to forget it ever even happened?

Tanya didn't mind this part of the cover, in fact she didn't have a problem with any of the looks except for the last one. The one where she was to be clad in what was considered a lacy, black night dress - one which barely hit mid thigh. She knew what would make it even more awkward was the setting. She'd heard her makeup artist and hair stylist gossiping about it (those girls really needed to learn to rein it in), and it would be in the Presidential Suite of the hotel, in the king sized bed. Was it too late to back out of the shoot? Could she really pull her weight as a forthcoming superstar and convince them to change the shot? Tanya wasn't sure she'd be able to keep it together when they would be on that bed together. Her thoughts would definitely go into overdrive, making it their mission to remind her of a similar night she and Krish had shared on a bed. Unfortunately, sometimes her thoughts didn't even need a flimsy connection like that one to go into flashback mode. Sometimes she felt as if she were living the life of her character, considering how often her brain sent her in and out of memories from that night. Tanya cleared her throat before taking a seat on the glass table, perched on it daintily as the photographer shouted instructions, until she was to look eyes with Krish, his hand on either side of her as he locked her in place. And the only thing Tanya could think of was how she wanted him to inch closer until his lips were against hers. A dangerous path for them to be travelling.

Krish was in desperate need of the little hand held fan his makeup dada was carrying with him and was so thankful that he could keep using it until they were ready to start taking the shots. He felt so incredibly warm and was happy to be blaming it entirely on the large lights that Rohan had insisted on to keep the shots looking well lit. But when Krish stepped in front of Tanya, crouching down to her level as he locked her in place, his sweaty palms on the glass table, he did inch a bit too close, his lips colliding with her cheek as he backed away nervously. "Damn, I'm sorry--is the AC on, the lights and everything--it's just making the entire room too hot." He looked back at Tanya, an apologetic look on his face as he mouthed the word to her repeatedly.

Tanya shut her eyes when she felt his lips against her cheek, and nearly shuddered out a breath. She had been so starved for his touch that she hadn't even realized it until she'd felt his lips against her skin. She wanted to rip the apology from his lips and replace it with her own, wanting him to push her down on the table as he hovered over her, devouring her the way her team had thought Abhimanyu had. It had been Krish all along; she hadn't let anybody touch her the way Krish had. Perhaps that was why she was holding on so tightly to him: he was her first time. Except the way her heart had stuttered before picking up double time told her that was a lie; she was irretrievably, irrevocably, hopelessly in love with Krish Malhotra.

Krish hadn't seen her closed eyes, but perhaps if he had, he'd have been reminded just how much she'd hated spending the night with him and how she'd just made it appear as if everything about that night repulsed her. Perhaps if he'd been thinking clearly, he wouldn't have allowed that sadness and frustration to get the best of him and he wouldn't have gotten to his stylist once more to get fitted for his clothes. It was an excuse. He'd wanted to see Radha Kapoor, be reminded that at least someone still believed he was incredibly hot and if Krish allowed her to get close enough, she should deem herself lucky. He knew the rumors were going around that he and Radha had hooked up but really, it was just harmless flirting in good nature, but right now, even that flirting was helping his wounded ego. He'd never let it go any further though, not when his heart was already spoken for.

Tanya cleared her throat when Krish disappeared back to his hotel room to see his stylist; she'd heard the rumours too and normally she wasn't one to believe them. Except this time there was evidence, there were pictures on PinkVilla of them getting into his car together, of them laughing together - and then there was the fact that he wouldn't want to spend time with her as much anymore. Although if she'd been thinking clearly, she'd know it was because no matter how hard they tried - there would always be some awkwardness between them. Tanya just didn't want to believe it. She didn't want to have to let go of him because even if he wasn't hers, Krish Malhotra was still the best thing that had happened to her. She nodded, allowing her team to buzz around her once more as she had changed into that slip of a nightgown and was now settled comfortably on the bed, smouldering for the camera while they waited for Krish so they could do their couple shots.

Krish had been smiling when he returned to the hotel room, courtesy of Radha's oh so flattering remarks about his look, and of course--his abs. Plus, she'd posted a sneak peek for her instagram followers and instantly the reaction was enough to get Krish in a very pleasant mood, until he saw her like that on the bed. Seeing Tanya in such a skimpy little thing that left very little to the imagination put him in a mood that was much more different than just pleasant. In fact, Krish wanted to usher all the people out of that hotel room and show her just what he'd been dying for since that first night together. A part of him had even wanted to contemplate a strictly physical relationship with her but instantly shut that idea down. He was in love with Tanya Sen. He couldn't just be with her in a physical space, he wanted every part of her. He wanted her laughs, her sleepy smiles, her cute little wrinkled nose expressions. He wanted each and every part of her--something that he'd never get. "Well," he cleared his throat and grinned. "Let's get rolling, shall we?" Thankfully there weren't as many people in the hotel room due to the nature of the shot and so at least he hoped it would be more comfortable than he'd initially believed.

Tanya grinned up at Krish when he made his way towards her and she patted the spot on the bed next to her. She had decided in the minutes she'd been making love with her eyes to the camera that she would bury whatever feelings she had for Krish into a deep, bottomless pit before crushing it with flaming embers so that there was no chance of it ever rising from the ashes. Although, with her luck - the love was probably a phoenix and would come back anyways. Still, she wanted to give this a shot, to be just flirty and fun with him. She'd been doing that up until they'd had sex, hadn't she? She had feelings for her, large feelings, feelings the size of Mount Everest and still managed to keep things friendly. Why couldn't she do it now? Of course, Tanya ignored the little voice in her head telling her it was because she had never been with him in such a real capacity before. She nodded at the instructions given before leaning against Krish as they both rested against the headboard, her hand on his thigh, head resting on his shoulder. At least they weren't going for any racy shots. At least there was that.

Krish only attempted to smile more genuinely when he spotted her patting the spot on the bed as if she'd been saving it for him. Which was silly yes, considering he was the only one she could be saving it for but he still couldn't help but laugh as he took his seat next to her, turning and raising his eyebrows at her before he'd heard Rohan tell them he was about to start shooting. He'd heard all the little instructions but for some reason, his attention was solely on her. He hadn't heard any of them, choosing instead to wonder what it would be like to go home to Tanya, to see her dressed like this solely for him. To feel her tug him into what would be their bedroom, to feel the love her characters always had for his truly between the two of them. But that was a fantasy again that would never come true and so instead he felt her hand against his thigh, his own reaching to interlace their fingers together while he looked down at her, aware that her eyes were on the camera. He didn't care anymore, he didn't care that his feelings would be easy for anyone to see in a few months when this issue hit the stands, by then they wouldn't be working together anymore and something told Krish--this time no matter how much they both wanted to hold onto their friendship--it was going to be near impossible.

Tanya wanted to throttle the photographer for yelling closer, closer! i want to feel the love fly off the photo! She wanted to throttle him by the neck strap of his very own camera. Didn't he understand that she couldn't give him what he was asking for? Not without breaking her own heart. She couldn't immerse herself in this shoot because she knew it wasn't real. She knew that she could never have the fantasy that was being bestowed upon her. Instead, Tanya turned so she was to be laying down on the bed, Krish hovering over her. "He's so annoying," Tanya muttered before letting out slight laugh when her hand slipped from its grip on his shirt, accidentally breaking off a button. "Shit, I hope your stylist isn't too mad."

Krish was still a bit too dazed at this point to pay attention to what Rohan was asking for, he knew he couldn't do anything more than he was doing right now--well not without combusting or something. He was already incredibly close to her, in such an intimate setting surely this couldn't be part of the magazine spread. But when Tanya slid down so that she was laying down while he hovered over her, he only laughed at her comment to appear natural. In fact--his heart was thumping erratically out of his chest, almost making him wonder if she'd be able to hear it, and if she did--what was going through her mind? It was in those thoughts that he felt her hand break off one of the buttons of his white shirt and he only barely heard her words before shaking his head. "Doesn't matter," he murmured quietly, only realizing when he did, how close his lips were to her cheek, the way they barely just brushed against skin, driving him possibly off the cliff with the memories it brought back of that night.

Tanya shivered when she felt his lips brush against her cheek, and she had been about to pull away - not wanting the memories of the night they'd share to come back - when Rohan only yelled out yes! more like that! give me passion! God, she really wanted him dead. If he wanted passion, maybe he should have been there with his camera the night she and Krish had made love. She knew that you could only use that phrase if both parties were in love but there had been something so soft about the way he'd held her, something so reverent about the way he'd touched her that Tanya refused to believe anything else. She refused to give it any other name. "Are you sure? I mean that's a," she paused, craning her neck to check the tag behind his shirt, "Prada original. Are you serious? You get Prada and all I get is Victoria's Secret? I mean, mujhe laga they'd at least get me Agent Provocateur!"

Krish could feel her entire body quivering underneath his and had to hold back the wince he felt because he knew she was disturbed. There were no other valid reason or explanation for how she reacted. Tanya had made it very clear to him what she felt towards him now and it would do Krish good to realize it. It was why he'd wanted to be selfish--to limit all their contact because being close to her--it was driving him insane. But when she shifted to check his tag, coming closer--he froze. He knew in hindsight that yes Radha may be upset because they wouldn't be able to return the clothes to Prada as they were a loan, but he didn't give a damn. Because all he heard was her uttering Agent Provocateur and the thought of seeing her in some of the stuff he'd perhaps seen in some catalogs and magazines was enough to drive him up the damn wall. Because this was thankfully acceptable for him, and for her to be seen in for a magazine, but Krish's selfish side did not want her to wear that other brand for anyone--but himself. Too bad that wasn't going to happen.

Tanya didn't understand why he was acting so on edge, so stiff - as if being around her caused him physical pain. If anything, she had been the one who had taken advantage of him. Maybe that was why; maybe he was being reminded that he'd slept with her without really wanting to. All of a sudden, she couldn't get away from him soon enough so when Rohan finally told them he'd gotten all the shots he'd needed, Tanya pulled away from Krish. She wanted a bath, a long bubble bath and maybe if her own hands trailed downwards, then nobody would be the wiser. She hadn't been with anyone since that night, which really was a problem considering that how often he appeared in her dreams too, not letting her rest anywhere. She glanced back to where Krish was on the bed and gave him a soft smile, a quirky wave and she ran back off to her own suite, not wanting to answer any questions.

Krish had felt her pull away almost as if he was beginning to repulse her again and Krish only sighed, looking down at the pristine white sheets that covered the bed he was still sitting on. Krish knew he couldn't do this anymore, pretend to be her friend when he knew how badly she truly wanted him away from her. It wasn't fair--but he couldn't force her to interact with him anymore. He was in love with her--and that's why even going back to the friendship they both shared was enough for him but it looked like there were going to be unable to do that as well considering how quickly she always tried to run away from him. He'd seen her small smile aimed his way and gave her one back, wishing instead that he could just go ahead and follow her to her suite and demand to know why she was choosing to run away from him so much when really she was the one who insisted they hold onto their friendship. "Come on Krish, let's get you out of those ruined clothes," Radha's voice was to his left and he absentmindedly nodded before holding up his hand, "actually give me a second--I need to go check on something." He gave her a quick smile before bolting from the room, looking for Tanya's suite this time--something that would surely land him in the tabloids if anyone saw him.

Tanya flinched when she heard a knock wondering if the team she'd banished so she could be alone for a while had finally come back. She pulled open the door only to stare at Krish in surprise. What was he doing here? Tanya's eyes did a quick sweep off the hall for any potential tabloid reporters or people looking to get money quick but at finding none, let her fingers curl around his shirt and pulled him into the room. She'd of course missed the housekeeping lady in her mid forties who had a rusty Motorola flip phone and had captured her tugging Krish into her room on low quality. It wouldn't matter, they were still recognizable in the photo and without context it would seem like they were having a lovers' rendezvous - as Tanya would come to find out a few hours later. "What's up?"

Krish hadn't realized that he'd been seen, and honestly, at this point--he also couldn't careless. He wanted to understand what was happening here with Tanya and why she was adamant on behaving as if being with Krish, being around Krish was suddenly the bane of her existence. So when she tugged him in, and shut the door behind her--he only collapsed against the hard wooden door and looked at her, surprised that her grip was still on his white Prada shirt even though he was already in her hotel suite. "You--there's something up with you." Krish wanted to add that it had been since that night, and that he didn't understand why she'd asked him to keep their friendship as it was and yet she was the one running away from him at every turn and so instead he chose to keep it simple. "You said we were still friends, and somewhere I'm beginning to think you're rethinking that, and that you would prefer to not deal with me anymore after this film and it's promotions are done." The look in his eyes was challenging her and he just hoped, and prayed that she'd prove him wrong.

Tanya was in a dilemma. She knew she had to confess to Krish eventually but there was some part of her that was still holding on, some part of her that also thought this crush would just fade away. That maybe it was just because they were working this film together. Except it wasn't; Tanya felt it every time she was around him, she felt it in the way her heart raced when she was near him. Even in the way when he was doing absolutely nothing, it made Tanya's heart race in the same way it did whenever he kissed her, onscreen or off. She swallowed then, wanting to look away from him but her fingers were still curled around his shirt, her eyes locked on his. "It's-- complicated." How would she talk herself out of this mess? "Of course I want us to be friends, of course I do." This was not a lie. "And we are friends Krish, it's just---" Oh god, she was stalling. Quick! Think! "This isn't the best time, with all those rumours floating around about us?"

Krish wanted so badly to just pull her up against his body, kiss her senseless and tell her exactly what he was thinking and show her what he was feeling. But this was Krish and he knew doing that wouldn't make things right for anyone involved. And that's why he heard her words and nodded, a very broken smile now on his face. Didn't she understand that he already knew she'd never want to be with him, but by telling him that it wasn't the best time for them to even be friends--it was the last nail in the coffin so to speak. Krish had nothing left to say to her or to even ask of her especially when he realized that she was adamant in her words. "You're right," he took her hand and uncurled her fingers from his shirt before stepping away before his hand rested on the doorknob. "You're entirely right--it's not the best time for us to be friends." But when she was dating Abhi and Tanya was photographed at Krish's place in the wee hours of the morning--that was okay? Krish didn't say it though because he loved her, and he respected her and ultimately that meant he respected her decision as well.

Tanya hadn't even realized that she'd been still clutching onto Krish's shirt so tightly as if she wanted to rip it off and she realized that she did. She really did want to rip it off and to press her lips to his neck, feel the pulse running under his skin and swallow it whole. She wanted to be with him again, but not only that - she wanted to grab his hand when they walked on the street, she wanted to pull him in for a kiss, wanted to fall asleep with him, and wake up with him. Tanya wanted a life with Krish Malhotra but she too knew it was impossible; a fact that was only further proved when he gave up with a fight. "Oh," she murmured, surprised that he had agreed with her; she had been counting on him to fight with her. She had been hoping for it; hoping that he would talk her out of it. "Well then we have to-- we have to keep it up for the film and promotions... But I guess--" Tanya couldn't even complete the words.

Krish had wanted to fight back, he'd wanted to tell her how this was ridiculous but he knew he couldn't do that, especially when he knew it was something Tanya wouldn't have wanted. That was the only reason he'd stayed quiet. That was the only reason he'd willingly agreed with what she'd said. He'd come here for her to prove him wrong, but instead--she'd only made him feel like he was right in thinking she despised him, and truly--he just wanted to know why it was so hard for her to willingly tell him what it was, that she didn't want him around in her life any longer. He ended up nodding before shrugging, "I know why you want us to not be--I mean I get it." Krish looked back at her when she spoke and he nodded. "Of course, the movie and promotions, we'll be great. I mean we're not great actors for no reason right?" He leaned in, his fingers resting against her cheek for a split second. It was a moment that he'd keep locked away in his chest forever. "I'll see you later," he murmured wishing he could just gross the distance between them and kiss her, the way he'd so badly wanted to.

Tanya would not be able to tell you how many times she'd replayed their separation in her head. The answer was embarrassing to herself. Each time she did something different; each time she ended the story by stopping him, by telling him her feelings. Since this was a dream, he always stayed; he always reciprocated her feelings. Alas, this was real life not one of Tanya's well crafted dreams, and so he would not reciprocate what she felt. Maybe this had been the best idea; being friends with Krish had been pure torture. Their fans of course had an outrage, considering they had stopped tweeting each other, stopped putting the other on their stories, and no longer took pictures of each other for Instagram. She wanted to tell them it was her fault; she had been too greedy; she had wanted too much. As a result, everyone had to suffer.

Krish had turned into a recluse and he despised it. Krish Malhotra was always meant to be out in the public eye because truly he thrived in it. He was a people person. He was charming, he was funny and he made everyone feel special. Well--everyone but Tanya it seemed. But he hadn't wanted to bump into her anywhere, and he hadn't wanted to interact with the media who no doubt would start hounding him on the sudden cold war that had emerged between him and Tanya. How could he say that it wasn't exactly a cold war, and instead just a self-imposed ban on one another? He couldn't. No one would understand. Especially when he barely understood it himself. Still, he made his way on set, nearly two hours before call time all to avoid the media and paparazzi parked outside his house--and of course to avoid running into Tanya until call time as well. But today it seemed like she had the same idea.

Tanya missed the comfort of her bed; she missed it's warmth, missed how it seemed to take her into its tender embrace. All of this despite the fact that she hadn't been able to sleep for an entire week. Every time she shut her eyes, she would see Krish. Sometimes it was just his smile, other times it would be his lips against hers, sometimes she'd hear his voice echo through her apartment. If she didn't know any better, Tanya would think she was going insane. Actually that was still on the table. Even her father had picked up that something was wrong, not that he ever prodded. That was what she loved about her father - how he almost never prodded her for any details, claiming that she would tell him when she was ready. Tanya would never be ready; she hadn't been able to tell the man she loved that she loved him, how was she to tell her own father? So when Tanya bumped into Krish on set, her mouth went dry. There was almost nobody on set at this hour which meant there was nowhere to escape to, nobody to escape with. "Hi Krish."

Krish gave her a tentative smile, unaware of how to approach her when they'd both been actively avoiding each other like the plague almost. But considering she broke the ice, he too moved towards her and raised his hand. "Hey Tanya," he ended up collapsing in one of the director's chairs that were left there from shoot the day before and gestured for her to take a seat as well. There was absolutely no one else around which meant they wouldn't be caught either and would be able to hopefully have a conversation, if she wanted. "Sit na? I mean--we've got a lot of time left," he gave her another smile before shrugging, somewhere hoping and praying she wouldn't refuse his invitation. Because truthfully asides from having a lot of sleepless nights about her--he missed her and their conversations, and movie nights, and outings because Tanya Sen had intervowned herself in his life and he didn't like having to be without her.

Tanya hated this. She hated how awkward this situation was; she hated almost every detail about it. She wanted nothing more than to run to him, knowing that he'd lift her up in into his arms, the way he'd done that one night at his place. She still remembered every detail of that night, it had been one of her favourites' (this was including the night of their coitus). Shanta tai had let her in even though she'd said Krish would be at least a half hour and when she'd heard him enter, she'd stepped out of the media room, standing at the top of the stairs, enacting (very cheesily) 'dekho! dekho woh aa gaya!' to which she remembered Krish laughing. He'd held out his arms for her then, the way her father had done for his mother in one of their many films and Tanya had run down the stairs to jump into his arms. Shanta tai had been watching them with a funny look on her face, although now Tanya realized it was probably because she could see right through her, could see the feelings Tanya held for Krish deep within her chest. Still, Tanya sat and gave a nod. "How--How've you been?"

Krish knew they weren't nearly close enough but that didn't stop him from leaning over to nudge her gently. "I've been okay, how about you?" God he missed her. He just wanted to bring her close to himself, have her seated on his lap while they talked, while they caught up with one another. He just wanted her to know--Krish desperately wanted her to know that he missed her and he wanted her back in his life. But Krish couldn't say any of that, and instead, he smiled and looked at her, waiting for her answer while he thought back to the sets of Qayamat where she'd been so fresh and so new, and almost holding his hand throughout. A part of him missed that, maybe if back then he'd said something--No. If Krish had said something then--she might have just felt obligated to do so since he took care of her and he didn't want it like that. What he wanted--he would never get.

Tanya felt sparks fly across her skin when his shoulder nudged against hers, despite the fact that there were layers of clothing between them. Her heart had already been racing ever since she'd seen him, but now it had kicked into overdrive and was over ambitiously trying to beat the butterflies in her stomach at Guitar Hero - which in turn made Tanya even more jittery than she already was. How was she? It was a valid question, for anyone but her. Asking her this question would be the equivalent of opening Pandora's box. There were so many things she could say and yet she knew Krish would want to hear none of them, especially not how much she loved him, how every second of every day since they'd broken off their friendship had been torture for her. How she didn't feel like she was truly alive until she was standing in front of Krish.

Krish could see that Tanya had dazed away since his question and so like he normally did, he took hold of her hand and tugged her close to himself to see the way she snapped out of it while he only smiled. The difference this time though was that his smile was a genuine one and he knew it was because he was so thankful to be able to spend a few moments with her, no matter how tense even they felt. "Kahaan kho gayi ho?" And that's when truthfully he wanted to tell her that if she'd rather he not have stopped her this way to talk, it was alright too and he would let her go. But he didn't want to say it--he really didn't want to lose even these precious few moments of alone time they'd managed to find. "So---how have you been?"

Tanya let her shoulders relax when he quickly moved past the question he'd asked, and repeated the question from earlier. "I've been okay, bahut saari scripts mili hai, aur time bahut kam hai," she punctuated her words with weak laughter, laughter that could have been more convincing if it weren't for the fact that she was just so tired from not having slept at all. The tormentor of her nightmares, the thief of her sleep was sitting right in front of her and instead of ratting him out, instead of standing up to him - here she was, smiling like a fool. She was pretty sure the entire crew could see the heart eyes emoji in her expression, except for the idiot in front of her.

Krish ended up smiling at her words. He'd gotten a lot of scripts to read through as well, and considering how much time he did have to spend at home now, he'd ended up reading quite a few of them--and had said yes to---well, none. Krish wasn't losing the love he had for his profession but somewhere the pain he was traveling with each and every day was catching up with him and making it difficult to find interest in another character's life. Krish only cared about how his story was going to end--not how his characters was. Perhaps that's why his interest was changing even in the film they were working on. He didn't care if Tanya's character never found him again--after all, it would mimic real life which might not work for the audiences, but would definitely be a good end for him at least for now.

Tanya was content in just sitting here and drinking Krish in, memorizing his features but she realized it may come off as -- creepy. Of course, the fact that her obsessive love for her costar still had not disappeared, even after three years, was also slightly creepy but at least that could be passed off as romantic. This could not. Tanya quickly looked away when it looked like Krish was going to look in her direction and it was only when the costume designer rushed onto set with oodles of fabrics in her arms that Tanya stood. "Rani, let me help you with that!" If she sat a moment longer with Krish, she would have combusted into flames, or worse: told him how she felt about him.

Krish decided this was it. The pair of them couldn't even engage in a normal conversation without her needing to rush off somewhere because of how much he repulsed her. He was done. He couldn't chase after her anymore to hold onto the friendship she'd made him promise to keep. If she truly believed that thanks to all the rumors doing the rounds they couldn't be friends, Krish wasn't going to force her into it anymore. He stayed there on that chair, reliving their conversation, or lack of one rather--over and over again. He was driving himself crazy wondering what more he should've said, perhaps saying something else may have prevented her from running off like that but he only drew himself a blank--Tanya didn't want him in her life and it was time Krish understood that.

Tanya would not divulge how many days she'd spent preparing for the episode they were about to tape tonight. It wasn't because she was afraid of what she was going to say, it was because she was terrified of who she was appearing with. She hadn't seen Krish since they'd had the wrap party of their film, and she knew that the official promotions kick off was to be with the taping of this Koffee With Karan episode. An episode she was dreading because she knew that their host would be able to pick up on their energy immediately. It was why when she spotted Krish on the set, she bounded towards him, wrapping him in a hug. You're just playing pretend, she thought to herself on a loop, making it a mantra. Not that it worked. The second she could smell his cologne, all of Tanya's defenses were down and she was once again putty in the hands of Krish Malhotra. "Hey stranger!"

Krish knew Karan Johar quite well and so he was already prepared for the way the conversation would head and was already working on his best acting smile and all the cliched answers were on the tip of his tongue. He couldn't let anything slip with Tanya around him, and he wouldn't say or do anything to ignore her--at least, that's what he thought right now. Perhaps the reason he was more nervous was because while Karan was a mentor of sorts for Krish--he'd let it slip that he'd been having feelings for someone he'd worked with in the recent times and knew Karan was planning to bring it up with Tanya trying to see if there was any truth to their rumours but Krish wouldn't let it happen. However, it seemed that Tanya was adamant on fanning those dying rumours flames with the way she'd hugged him. Instinctively his hand slid around her waist before he pulled back and gave her a hesitant smile. "Hi, you look great," there it was again--great but he couldn't verbalize what he was really thinking or else he'd be tempted to take her back into her dressing room--right now.

Tanya wrinkled her nose at him, having noted from her periphery that they were being watched by the entire crew. "Again, this great. Come on yaa, use nicer words na? Like what you used to call me at your place, what was the word you used? Sexy!" She didn't know why she was doing this, why she was laying out their entire personal lives for public viewing but a part of Tanya felt scorned. It felt hurt at the thought that it had been so easy for abandoning her and their friendship, it was as if he hadn't tried at all. Tanya remembered exactly what she was talking about. It had been raining the day she'd gone over to Krish and just the simple act of walking from his gate to his front door had left her completely soaked. He'd lent her one of his shirts and she'd worn only that before climbing onto the sofa next to him. Krish had been strangely silent the entire time except for when the fabric had slipped down her shoulder and his fingers had gently pushed it up. Tanya remembered everything about that moment, down to how it felt as if his fingers were shooting sparks into her skin, reawakening every sleeping nerve in her body.

Krish was stunned and he didn't understand at all why she was adamant on ruining their months of creating distance between themselves. It had been such a struggle and here she was acting as if none of it had even happened. Krish didn't know how to flip the switch like apparently, Tanya did and he always thought he was the more seasoned actor. She turned out to be a much better player than him. He knew the day she'd been talking about as well, and remembered it as being one of the most difficult times he'd spent with her. She'd been wearing just one of his shirts, and it left him wondering what it would feel like for that to be the norm in his house, that his Tanya would often just parade around in his shirts because it was her home as well. Krish had kept his gaze averted the entire time until he'd seen when the collar had fallen and he'd carefully tugged it back up. He'd been wanting to do it without their skin touching but hadn't been able to and instantly had disappeared into the kitchen on some pretense because he couldn't sit there next to her without blurting out how he wanted that moment between them to be their reality. But right now--they were in front of a lot of people and she was acting as if everything was normal and it certainly wasn't for him. "You look nice, is that better?" He was almost challenging her now because he knew that nice sounded the same as great and she wasn't going to be pleased--at all.

Tanya narrowed her eyes at him, narrowing them until they were slits as she shoved him, the heel of her palm pressing into his chest and she grinned as she watched him stagger back. "I think that told you how I feel about you calling me nice, doesn't it Krish?" There was a smirk on her features and she let out a soft laugh before looking away from him, only to come face to face with Karan Johar himself. She quietened immediately, especially uncomfortable with the way he had given her a once over before smiling. What did that smile mean? Had he caught onto her feelings within a millisecond? Maybe this entire thing had been a bad idea. Maybe she should have just dropped out of the film. She shouldn't have signed the film in the first place! But that was utter nonsense, how was she supposed to know what would happen over the course of this film? Tanya watched Karan walk away before pinching Krish's side. "You got us in trouble."

Krish rubbed at the spot on his chest where she'd dug her palm into him while Karan had not so subtly checked her out, decoding her outfit and deeming it worthy or not worthy of his show. Krish's clothes had first been picked by Radha before she'd taken them to Karan to get his final approval. So he wasn't worried at all, but Tanya was hopefully going to be in for a bit of a surprise. At her pinch though, he'd let his fingers wrap around her wrist as he tugged her hand away. "Yeh ho kya raha hai?" he muttered quietly before looking around them for the crowd that had dispersed. "You're acting as if the last three months didn't even happen." He didn't wait for her response, moving away in the same direction that Karan had gone off in before he turned back around. "Oh and we weren't in trouble--he was just judging you based on your outfit," Krish informed her with a grin before shrugging and following after Karan.

Tanya let out a hiss when his fingers curled around her wrist so tightly she was afraid it would cut off circulation. And even then she found this attitude hot, especially with those flaring nostrils, the clenched jaw and his bulging forearm veins. God, she was seriously screwed up in the head. "I'm doing my job," she hissed at him. "You know, when we promised that we would go back to how we were for promotions. Guess what? It's promotions." Tanya didn't know where the spite was coming from, or why she was spitting words at him the way one would spit venom - with the intention to burn. Perhaps it was all those years of keeping her feelings pent up inside her. The feelings that were rotting inside her chest, eating her inside out, gnawing at her skin, making every breath feel like she'd been poisoned. Maybe she wanted Krish to feel just a hint of what she was; maybe that was why she was willing to drag out their personal life in such a public manner. Especially on this show where it would only add fuel to the fire about their speculative relationship.

Krish didn't understand her, he knew what they had said back then--but he hadn't expected her to actually try to go back to the old way. It was clearly a PR tactic now and it was falsified because the way she was speaking to him--his old Tanya would never do that. And finally, he was realizing perhaps it had all been just an illusion. The Tanya he fell in love with, was one version of her, the one he'd hold in his heart because this one was so much more clear regarding her feelings towards him--he understood her real intent now. "Didn't think you'd want to be forced back into that." He murmured before letting go of her wrist, a little too harshly perhaps that she staggered slightly which had him concerned but she recovered just as quickly and so he didn't let it show on his face.

Tanya rubbed at her wrist, wondering if this was the true Krish Malhotra. One who was brash with his words, and even harsher with his hands. Smiling at the crew, Tanya took her seat on the couch. She knew that it was wrong, but this was the only time in months she'd allowed herself to be so close to Krish. Even now, her every hair stood on edge and she prayed he would look at her just once, with those baby browns' and everything would be alright in her world again. The days on set had been pure torture, especially considering how much they had to kiss in the flashbacks. Every time their lips met, Tanya had wished so desperately for it to be real, but the camera would stop rolling and they'd pull away from each other as if they were strangers. Even now she kept her gaze on the cameraman, waiting for him to tell them it was rolling, that Tanya would have to start acting again.

Krish had gone back to his dressing room when he'd caught sight of her rubbing at her wrist, the angry red marks becoming more and more visible thanks to his grip. He'd hurt her. He'd hurt the one person he valued so highly in his life and he couldn't even apologize because of how it would seem. It was as if now everything between them was a competition or a battle on who could make the other feel worse and right now--Krish was winning because he'd made himself feel the worst possible. He knew he had to switch on the acting soon and knew also that it was going to be virtually impossible because of the types of things that would be asked, and the way they'd have to be with one another but he had to do it. And so he returned to the set, taking a seat next to her on the couch before he looked her way, this time noting how her stylist had covered the angry red marks with a set of bracelets on her arm and let out a quiet sigh before he inched a bit closer. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to---I didn't mean to hurt you."

Tanya hadn't meant to flinch when he'd neared her, but the sight of the marks on her wrist only growing redder by the minute and the feeling of his fingers digging into her skin had forced her hand and she only turned to look at him. There was a different expression in her eyes, one of genuine sincerity; an expression she'd kept in her heart ever since they'd created oceans of distance between one another. The expression that screamed for him to love her, that all she'd been doing since the day she'd met him had been to love him and she was tired of waiting. "It's okay, I'm sure you couldn't tell how hard the grip really was," she murmured, having leaned in too so that her lips would be at his ear. She didn't want anyone to overhear their conversation and yet she knew that it would be taken the wrong way, and a hundred different stories would be spun after this episode's taping. Everyone would assume that they were either screwing each other, or that they had been screwing each other from the start. And yet part of Tanya had stopped caring, she missed him. She missed him so much. It was true, she was in love with him. But her requited love aside, he was her best friend.

Krish had expected her to ignore him, and the fact that it felt like a surprise when she didn't--hurt. He hadn't wanted to start feeling and expecting the worst when it came to Tanya. She was someone he was always expecting the best from and suddenly when she inched closer to him, her lips at his ear--he knew why. She had a way of getting under his skin in a way that no one else before her ever could and he didn't believe anyone would ever come close either. Right now, he wanted to take her hand, hold it in his like he'd done countless times before, but the growing ocean of distance between them was what stopped him. He knew his heart had started calling her his own from before and that meant he was allowed to do this however in the time that had passed--Krish had learned one thing. He couldn't predict what was going through her mind or what she'd end up doing. The fact that she'd chosen to put distance between them had been the biggest example of this and that hurt. He always thought their friendship was important to her too, but somewhere this had begun sprouting doubts for him. "Well well well, tum dono toh mere bina hi shuru hogaye." Karan's voice boomed in front of them and they sprang apart. "I wonder if the camera was rolling," a grin was on the other man's face and Krish could only imagine what was going through his head.

Tanya pulled away from Krish at breakneck speed when she heard the Godfather of Bollywood's voice echoing through the set, and the flush came to her cheeks naturally. She didn't know what it was about the situation that made her jittery, or even why it felt like she was a teenager and her father had just caught her in her room with a boy, perhaps in a compromising position. She cleared her throat, letting her hair fall forward to cover one side of her face. Her gaze too flew to the camera, mild worry colouring her face. That had been private; that hadn't been part of a staged conversation. She didn't want that to be splashed everywhere, and yet when she'd brought up staying the night at his place Tanya knew she'd aired their dirty laundry in public already. There was no turning back now.

Krish only watched as Karan checked with the cameraman who informed him loudly that the cameras hadn't been rolling and so whatever discussing they were having--no one would have evident of it. And he just hoped that was enough to satisfy Tanya because he'd seen the nervous expression on her face and found it strange because he'd believed she was over that part of this world but realized Karan was not someone who helped make people feel comfortable very easily and so it was enough to draw Tanya back to who she used to be. Krish desperately wanted to whisper to her, to tell her that he was right there and he'd take away any of the bad moments, but they weren't together, they weren't even friends anymore for him to say something like that.

Tanya cleared her throat, settling down comfortably into her seat and yet somehow she gravitated towards Krish until they were sitting shoulder to shoulder. Suddenly, her entire body felt warm, her heart felt at peace once more and she knew that if she stayed next to Krish, she may be able to make her way out of this alive. She'd heard so many things about this show, even gone through college watching it, and now to be on it - felt surreal. To be here with Krish was only an added bonus and she knew that the man in front of them would try to pry into their lives as much as possible. Settling a smile onto her features, she placed her hands on her knees, waiting for the camera to start rolling. Her heart beat so loudly in her chest, she was afraid Krish would hear it.

Krish heard Karan begin to introduce them, words thrown around like 'most bankable jodi', 'the next srkajol', even words like, 'hot, sexy, exploding chemistry.' Truthfully, it should feel flattering but right now given the circumstances between this hit jodi, it just felt strange. Still, nothing felt stranger than feeling Tanya settle closer against him so that her bare shoulder was up against his making him wonder yet again what she was playing at. But the benefit of the doubt told him that she could just be nervous and if she used him once more to be her shield, Krish didn't actually mind. Once the cameras were on and rolling on the pair of them, Krish only wrinkled his nose. "Why didn't we get to walk in like the rest of your guests? Hume kyun aise hi--boring introduction diya?"

Tanya let out a soft exhale once Karan had started talking and despite reminding herself that she was to keep her composure, she giggled at Krish's complaint. She knew it was for show, that part of it was scripted but it was such a Krish thing to say. Did he even know that everywhere he went, he commandeered attention? He didn't need an entrance, people turned to look at him anyways. "That's because you're so boring na. Why would you get an exciting entry if you're so boring? Tumhare chakkar main, mujhe bhi boring intro mila." There was something gnawing at her chest, something that told her she was betraying herself, she was betraying the love she had for Krish by pretending the hardship they'd faced had never existed.

Krish heard her words and looked up at her, a questioning look in his gaze. "Oh really? I'm boring now? That's certainly not an adjective I've heard from women in particular before. But you know the real reason we didn't walk in...?" Krish gestured for the camera man to come closer before he had him pan Tanya's heels. "This is why--you're wearing your normal death traps once more, and that meant you'd be clutching to me for dear life, like always." That was too much, it felt like a ruse and he knew that Karan would see right through it which worried him considerably. "But anyways, on to more important things--you're looking nice Karan," he smiled before directing the attention back to their host, hoping that he would lead into his series of prodding conversational questions that would leave them in an engaging type of conversation.

Tanya had been about to respond when Krish redirected the conversation back to Karan and so she settled for whacking him with the pillow that sat in her lap. To her, this was more a learning experience than anything. It had been a while in the industry now, and really this was the first time she'd been invited onto the sets of this particular chat show. Her best friend, Raina, had once told her that until you made it on Karan Johar's couch - you hadn't really made it. She had Krish to thank for that too, she realized as she lifted her gaze slightly to fixate it on him. She would never stop owing him, especially when he held her biggest asset in his debt: her heart. "Huh?" Tanya pulled her gaze away from Krish, a puzzled expression on her features when she realized that the host had been talking to her.

Krish only rolled his eyes before grabbing the pillow she tossed at him and kept it in his own lap before adjusting it to the side of him on the couch. He listened as Karan applauded first Krish on his skill in the acting field and how he was able to take any role and create a character with a heart that anyone would be able to fall in love with. Krish merely smiled and nodded, before looking back at Tanya only to see her just looking at him, in a way that almost seemed that she agreed with every word Karan was stating. And that's when the lovely host of the night deciding to turn to start applauding Tanya--but she was still staring at Krish and only finally then looked back at Karan with those flushed cheeks that Krish loved so much. "Karan was just saying that you could've worn a garbage bag and still looked utterly hot and sexy like you do right now," he passed a smile to the camera and winked--quite at ease in his element only until Karan decided to refute Krish's words which had him pouting a bit, waiting for Tanya's reaction.

Tanya rolled her eyes at Krish, shoving him slightly because she knew he had been teasing. There was no way he would ever think her to be hot or sexy. There was no way he would ever see her as anything more than a friend, and even that honour was no longer hers. They were no longer friends, a fact which stung Tanya deep in her chest, stung her so wildly that the pain of it kept her up at night. Especially when she knew it was due to her own foolishness. "Well I guess, it's not all me. It's the person I'm acting opposite, they have to see me-- I mean my character with that heart for it to believable you know?" Except she'd turned to Krish then and given another soft smile, terrified because she no longer had any control over her own tongue, her rule of the barriers long gone. "But with Krish it's different, you just look at him and fall in love." A soft chuckle and she looked away, staring down at her own hands.

Krish was going to reply this moment in his mind over and over, cursing himself for saying what he was about to, and yet he had no control. "Is that true Miss. Sen? Then why haven't you fallen in love with me yet?" He chuckled at her stunned silence and tried to move on quickly, the topic then veering to their upcoming film, but that look in Karan's eyes--that look was worrying him. He knew Karan, and he knew he was going to bring this back at some point when Krish was least expecting it. But he hadn't been able to help himself. She was speaking with such ease about falling in love with him--that it made him wonder--why hadn't she yet? Krish looked back up at Karan when the question was posed to him for his wishlist for directors and the answer came naturally to him. "You, Karan. You're always number one on my wishlist--and heroine--hmmm," he pretended to think about it before gesturing to his right. "Actually sochna kya? We'll just take Tanya right?"

Tanya nearly choked when he'd asked her why she hadn't fallen for him yet. She wondered how blind a man could be to not realize when a girl was in love with him. She wondered how Krish hadn't seen it in her eyes; it had taken one glance at Karan Johar to know that he'd realized what was cooking on his couch. From Tanya's side at least. She cleared her throat before crossing her arms. "Oh yeah? Who said mujhe tumhare saath phirse kaam karna hai?" There was a challenging look in her eyes, eyebrow raised but she knew that if asked, she would jump at the opportunity. Especially considering the fact that they weren't friends anymore. There was no reason for her to see him outside of shoot, and a film would be the only way she could continue to see him.

Krish didn't meet her challenge, he couldn't do this anymore. He wasn't in the mood to pretend that he felt nothing towards her. And he wasn't at all in the mood to pretend that her asking like that--didn't hurt a part of him. And so Krish Malhotra nodded before cupping his cheek, "you're right--you wouldn't want to have to put up with me again. We'll find someone else, or oh, Karan, let's launch a new face?" And Krish put on the best show of his life, pretending like the reality that Tanya was so tired of working with him, or being around him--didn't bother him. Why else would she say no like that right? Krish could see Karan staring at the two of them and prayed he wasn't able to figure out that there was a very heavy duty past between them like he always did.

Tanya had never been more relieved that a talk show had ended as much as she had been when this one did. Ever since she'd asked him why he was adamant to believe that she would want to work with him again, there had been something strange that had settled over them, something that warned Tanya of trouble to come. Suddenly, everything had become mildly strained. Not that the general public would notice; to them, Tanya and Krish were still playful with one another but Tanya could feel it, she could feel the heaviness behind every single one of their actions, could feel the ache of her beating heart. There had only been one other moment when she'd felt this way; it had been some promotional event for their second film. Somebody had asked Krish if he could steal anything from Abhimanyu what it would be - he hadn't said a word, and Tanya had turned to look at him, wondering why he'd gone silent only to realize he'd been staring at her. "Thank you for having me," she murmured to Karan, shaking his hand before disappearing back to her dressing room, letting Krish talk to his mentor.

Krish hung back as Tanya spoke quietly to Karan after they'd taken the customary selfies together. But both Krish and Tanya had been on the opposite side of Karan, forcing the man to remain in the middle to make it easier and then Krish had moved towards the wall where he'd displayed all the signed coffee mugs. He'd given Tanya some time to talk to Karan, surprised at how Karan seemed to be talking in very hushed tones until Tanya disappeared while Krish only moved towards Karan, feeling the man's arms go around his shoulder. "You're an idiot." Krish only looked up at Karan in surprise, wondering what on earth the man was referring to. "I mean you're obviously in love with Tanya and jahaan tak main jaanta hoon, aur logon ko parr sakhta hoon, she's got something in her heart too--maybe you're just too scared to find out what that is," and with those words in Krish's ears--he made his way back to his own dressing room, right across from hers.

#kriya﹕ ᴄᴏsᴛᴀʀs ᴀᴜ ⇌ ᴘᴀʀᴀɢʀᴀᴘʜs

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