#Alex is exactly how I sit on sofas btw | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jcmorgenstern · 5 years

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3x12 “review” (aka whining)

Okay so 3x12! First the things I liked, so this doesn’t come off as a gigantic whining list of things I hated. (I feel kind of bad I didn’t do a 3x11 review because I actually really liked that one, but I guess I have more motivation to whine than anything else).

readmore for length and sanity.

So things I liked:

Luke and Jace interaction! Though the pacing was absolutely insane and I absolutely refuse to believe that the Clave has the infrastructure in place to take detailed barometric readings in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE SIBERIA, so detailed that Jace can easily pinpoint exactly where the apartment was. Like I wouldn’t believe they have that kind of detail in rural Iowa, let alone a place that’s colder than balls.

That last point was all whining.The Morgenstern sword!! Y’all have NO idea how long I spent being mad that Valentine didn’t have it in the first two seasons. It now seems a bit odd to introduce it now considering Valentine didn’t in fact ever have it, but whatever. Also Clary being like “fuck Morgenstern weapons” was kind of funny considering her kindjals are waiting at home.

Magnus’ storyline. Though it’s kind of weird and rushed and confused, I’m just glad my man is getting some real focus on him as a person rather than a love interest or idk some overblown “son of Edom” thing.

Cain was, I admit, a really cool and interesting concept, and I already really like Pasha!! I hope he’s continuing to get better after his surgery. Don’t love as much how they’re mainlining Lilith as the Biggest Bad Ever and a Whole Evil B*tch (more on that lovely term of endearment later).

Mirek was really cool, kind of had to laugh at the “demon middle class.” Can’t help but wonder if the “status quo” thing was a deliberate political joke or not. Either way, Jonathan has never met a structure he doesn’t want to overthrow. Does the Clave spark joy? Apparently not.

MELIORN IS BACK!!!!! And wants a threesome, apparently.

Jonathan peevishly being like “I forgive you for trying to kill me, btw” and Clary just rolling her eyes and ignoring him.

Jonathan’s fucking GAAAY. (Or bi. pan. whatever. You do you. All I’m saying is THIS BITCH RAINBOW). I do not care what the intention was, that’s what I’m choosing to get out of it.

Things I didn’t like:

the plot of this episode is pretty much enough material for an entire season. They compressed it so much people are calling it a filler episode. Jace and Luke figure out the secret of the apartment (which is untraceable), go to Siberia, figure out Jonathan is alive, find Clary and rescue her and that’s only about 15 minutes of footage overall. That could be spread out over 15 episodes.

On the Simon side: they find the first fucking vampire, become his new bestie, get the only thing in the world that could rid him of the mark without any sort of price or even really having to ask, they get back into Faerie without any problems, Meliorn takes them right to the Queen despite knowing Simon has a weapon of death on his face, she agrees without argument to unmark him not even knowing if he’ll explode or what, the mark is off in about 14 seconds, the FUCKING DRUG PLOTLINE IS BACK AG A. I N. And then rose petals. That could have been the entire SEASON.

No Maia. (I know she’s in the next ep I just want to complain).

It’s also weird because it seems like Malec is progressing on normal time and the other two story strands are progressing on some extreme kind of fast-forward. It gives you all kinds of whiplash. If there was any kind of thematic overlap or even an attempt to connect the strands thematically it might work to ground the other storylines but it. Does not.

I hate that the apartment is Lilith’s and not Valentine’s, and that apparently it can only go to a few select spots now. NOT. THE. POINT. Point = missed.

And onto the things that bothered me the most: the whole treatment of Jonathan and Clary, and the Sizzy. For which I need an entire section to bitch.

Jonathan and Clary: why god have you abandoned me

* Ok so honestly, I had to go and check to see who wrote 3x11 and 3x12, because it had to be different people. 3x11 was by Todd and Darren, and 3x12 was by Alex Schemmer. Schemmer has only written one other episode in 3a (3x03), which explains to me why he seems to have missed a fair bit of lore. To me, the huge difference between 3x11 and 12, which basically deal with the same plot line (Clary kidnapped by Jonathan, wary of him, trying to escape) but in hugely different ways and different focus.

In 3x11, the focus is all on Clary. Her initial confusion, her fear, anger, the attempt to escape, the attempt to kill Jonathan. All shot from her point of view. She takes more action than he does—she runs away, she grabs the knife, she stabs him. He is mostly reacting to her, running after her, offering her soup and tea and trying to win her over. Even when he does talk, the scenes where he talks about himself are brief and she shares equal part in the conversation.

This makes sense, as she is the main character.

In 3x12, everything is about Jonathan. From the first shot everything is about him, the camera focusing on him even when Clary is the focus of the scene (i.e., when she’s finding new clothes—and was a shirtless scene necessary? Like we get it, you nearly killed poor Luke in a gym somewhere, thanks for the update). Every time he and Clary talk, it’s just him talking at her. “I forgive you for killing me.” Telling her she’s good at art. Telling her there’s an Institute nearby. Telling her he likes art. She can barely get a word in edgewise from the get-go, and it only gets worse on the hot chocolate “date.”

He says the whole point is to get to know each other better, but he LITERALLY talks about himself the whole time. Clary barely even reacts, just makes eyes at a phone. He doesn’t even seem to notice she’s not listening. Like guys, this is every bad tinder date ever. Then they go to to the antiques store, and even then she’s shuffled off—shoo! Get out of the scene!! Even the French guy interrupts her at every turn and she gets shuffled off like a sack of potatoes *again*.

Like don’t tell me Clary couldn’t kick his ass and then explain things to him when he’s pinned to the ground. It would be faster, safer, and if Jonathan shows up again she can be like “ohh he was threatening us!! Look, I beat him up to keep us safe!” and Jonathan would buy it hook, line, and sinker. Since killing people in broad daylight is ok, clearly the show isn’t worried about the realism of fighting in the streets.

And then she’s shuffled off AGAIN, and although the show clearly understands that being kidnapped and controlled by your dangerously unhappy brother who seriously has the creepy hots for you is a pretty freakin SCARY situation, it still shows all this from Jonathan’s point of view, teasing the “romance” of it all and giving us hehe teehee little slips of it (like the shirtless scene). And then when she finally is able to break free and actually do something, he yells “BITCH” at her and runs off, and she falls into Jace’s arms, completely forgetting to act like a real human being.

The reason why 3x11 works so much more for me is that Clary is at least an equal partner, and is given space to react and actually do things; in 3x12 they seem to take any excuse to bundle her off, keep her out of frame, mute her reactions. Jonathan and his feelings take center stage and suddenly Clary is a side character in her own story. 3x11 is more compelling because Jonathan is legitimately trying to win her over, trying to connect with her, personally. It’s obvious he cares about her opinions as a person and her as a person—you couldn’t replace her with a cardboard cutout and the scene would read the same. They actually interact. In 3x12 he’s just ranting at her about himself while she sits there. On no narrative level is there any sort of connection or interaction.

Like imagine the situation differently. They’re in art store, because lbr the real museums prolly wouldn’t let them shoot there, and Clary is talking to Jonathan about her favorite prints and artists. He’s listening, maybe a little too intently, maybe talks about a piece he likes and what it means to him. She looks unnerved. As they talk, the camera follows her gaze, and we realize she is trying to find someone’s phone to take it. She’s pretending, of course, but there is something charming about Paris. Jonathan keeps offering to buy her souvenirs, very awkwardly, trying to find something to please her. She picks something to make him happy. He returns from the register just before she can make a grab for someone’s phone and bolt for the door. He suggests they go to the cafe across the square. We cut to where they’re sitting down, she’s tearing into a croissant. Jonathan is wearing a “I <3 PARIS” cap, which is a bit jarring and distracting. Clary tells him it looks silly and he takes it off. He mentions in a forcedly offhand way that this is where he met Sebastian Verlac, and seeing her expression, quickly adds that he knows what he did is wrong. She says something along the lines of “do you, tho” and he launches into his monologue. She tells him that she liked Sebastian Verlac, even though she never met the real him. He looks happy at first, then seems to understand what she means, and his expression darkens. He tells her that that’s exactly what Valentine said she would say—that she likes Sebastian, not him. She looks disturbed at the mention of Valentine, and he takes the opportunity to tell her the whole thing about not wanting to hurt anyone and the whole thing being about killing Valentine.

And yada yada yada you get the idea.

Honestly the whole rescue felt very contrived—how convenient Clary has been posthumously pardoned one day before her rescue! And then Jonathan calling her a bitch—haha no thanks. The entitlement is uhh Not Great.

Anyway tldr @ Alex schemmer Clary is not a sofa pls give her some human emotion pls and thanks

Sizzy: why god have you abandoned me, the sequel

Honestly writing that entire wall of text wiped me out but ill try

The drug arc is the bane of my existence

Im so tired

I thought we’d be done in season 2 yet here we are at the end. Drug arc: 1. Actual character development: 0.

Why is this the ONLY plot line the show can remember or keep running for more than 2 episodes. WHY

Why does she even like Simon. They never interact. They don’t even know each other. Everything is just an excuse to get them together. it’s forced and leaden.

Playing her and Raph off as badwrong and her and Simon as rose petal romantic is weird af dude. Izzy has just been the tail end of male characters’ storylines for so long and I’m tired.

If they’d played it off as a sacrifice on her part I might be less mad, like paint her as a hero but it just felt like this was expected of her. It was romantic because there was nothing else to do and OF COURSE she couldn’t refuse!!! Please be realistic, she’s a woman. Think of herself even a little? Impossible!

Never mind she could have easily used her medical training to open a larger artery, pour the blood into his mouth, and iratze herself as soon as Simon was cogent enough to be out of danger. He was already woken up enough to drink the blood she poured from her hand. No biting/venom necessary. Lmao.

Stop treating Izzy like shit just to force a romantic storyline seriously lmao

Aaaaanyway lol that was like 20000000 words but those are my thoughts if you made it to the end you deserve a trophy or smth

#sh spoilers #sh salt #im really sorry i just. did not like.

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football-rambles · 7 years

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Year Apart - Rob Holding

hey there! i would like to request a rob holding oneshot (long if possible) in which you've dated since high school but your job requires you to travel a lot and he has to stay in the same place because of football so you breakup but it's heartbreaking for both of you and after a year or something you get back together (fluff af). btw i love your imagines sosososososo much <3 - Requested by Anon

I hope you like it! I feel really really happy with this one-shot! Sorry, it’s taken so long, I feel it’s longish. I dragged it as much as I could with the plot :)

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*Past*

I walked into the flat me and Rob shared, We brought it together when we moved down to London. It was just out central London. Rob could easily get to training and various places for media and stuff and I could get to work via the tube.

I worked for a company that was going internationally and they have offered me a job over there for a year. A year would be a long time for me and Rob to be away from each other and I couldn’t have Rob wait for me. I mean what if I have to stay over there? Or like it there.

I had 2 days to think, accept the offer and pack my whole life pretty much. I was unsure what of doing.

I sighed, just thought of talking to Rob about it, made me feel nervous for the first time in years, I never felt nervous around Rob for a while but now I feel like a 17-year-old all over again.

I settled everything down and walked over the room before collapsing on the sofa when I hear the door open “Y/N” I hear a familiar northern accent. “Hey” I turn my head to see Rob just walked in.

“How was your day?” I asked, sitting upright as I bite my bottom lip, eyes following his every move. “Yeah, everything is going great. What about you?” He asked, before joining me on the sofa.

I gave an unsure nod and smiled “Good. Actually great, I need to talk to you about something” I say to him. He nodded and sat back on the sofa “Sure, Whats up” putting his legs up on the sofa.

“I’ve been offered a promotion,” I say, smiling a little. Rob grinned at me and chuckled “Congratulations babe! That’s amazing” He smiled, before planting a kiss on my cheek.

“It’s in the US, Chicago actually.” I clarified where it would be. Looking at Rob in the corner of my eye, his face dropped. “Chicago?” He asked. I nodded, looking down at my hands.

“I have 2 days to think about it and accept and pack,” I tell him. Rob nodded “What do you want to do?” He asked directly. I turned to look at him and shook my head.

“I don’t know what to do Rob” I replied and I didn’t.

We decided to go our separate ways, Rob words was “if we’re meant to be together we would come back to each other in time” Was he right?

*Present*

I had been back in the UK for the past 2 weeks, I was staying with my parents until I manage to secure a flat, rightly so. I don’t think to turn up at what used to be mine and Rob’s flat, would go down well.

Of course, while over in the states I followed Arsenal and tried to watch every game as much as I could, I wanted to see how Rob was doing in the game. I knew it hurt him to break up and was hurting for weeks so was I.

I would message Cal, to see how he was and that he had moved in with Rob after he returned from loan. It was nice to have the lads look out for him. We dated just under 6 years, I didn't want to sound like I didn’t care. We spoke every now and then, send each other texts especially on birthdays and holidays.

The last couple of weeks I wanted to go over and see him, but I knew deep down he had probably moved on with his life I couldn’t do that, so I kept my distance.

I decided to go into London, Using the tube was so much easier than driving into the city. I walked out of the tube station, looking around at the busy street. Walking in the general direction of the road I found myself at a Cafe that I would always go to on my way to work or Rob and I would go in out his days off.

I walked in, everything was just the same as I walked in. “Y/N, Your back!” I hear as I closed the door to see it was one of the original waitresses. I couldn't help but smile "Hey Sarah, I am. It was only a year away I’m just glad to be back" I told her as I gave a small smile as I walk up to the counter.

She smiled and nodded “Coffee to go please, It is great,” I ask her as I check my phone. It was my first day back at work since coming back to America. I waited for my coffee.

“Thank you” I smiled as I take the coffee cup off her and paid, before saying goodbye and walking out. I bumped someone's arm, realising I turned around.

‘I’m so sorry” I gasp, trying not to spill fresh coffee down myself or him. “Y/N?” I hear my name looking up to see Rob standing there, holding the door open.

“R-Rob, Hey” I smiled, adjusting my bag on my shoulder. It was a surprise to see him here, I mean. It was way out of his way for work and I thought he wouldn't come here because we used to come here.

“How have you been? You look amazing” He says, I couldn’t help but smile. I had missed his accent so much. His cute northern accent. We’re both from the same area, but I didn’t like my voice that much. I nodded and smiled.

 “Thank you, I’ve been great. you?” I asked, as I tuck a loose curl of hair behind my ear and started to chew on my lip as he nodded. “Yeah, I have a day off training so I thought I come shopping,” He says. I nodded “That’s great! I’m glad you’re okay” I smile.He nodded, as we stood for a moment with silence. “I’m sorry, I’m going to be late for work,” I say, looking at my phone. Rob nodded “Yeah, right sure thing! I guess I see you around or something?” He says. I nodded and smiled “Sure, take care Rob, be,” I say quietly before walking away.

I let out a sigh, running my hand through my hair “Hey Y/N, Wait up!” I hear, turning around to see Rob run towards me. “Yes?” I questioned, wondering why he came after me. “Come by the flat later? It is great to see you properly and Cal will be there” Rob asked.

I thought for a moment, before nodding “Okay, I’ll pop by after work okay?” I asked. Rob nodded and grinned before leaning down to kiss my cheek. I pulled away slightly before he could, seeing the realisation on his face “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…I’ll just see you tonight” He says before walking away.

---

I walked up the stairs of what was the building I used to call home. I knocked on the door, I couldn’t help but smile, so many memories in the short time we lived in the flat together. The door opened to reveal Calum stood there.

“Hey Cal, is Rob in? He said to pop by after work?” I smile at his teammate, who looked at me and nodded. “Y/N, it's so great to see you, yeah he’s just in the bedroom. Come in” He opened the door enough for me to walk into the flat.

I looked around the room, everything was pretty much the same, except the complete mess around the place. “What bomb landed here?” I asked, Chuckling softly. as I place my bag on the kitchen side.

“I asked Calum to clean it up” Rob walks out the bedroom. Calum looked at Rob and shook his head “Nah, this is most of your mess you clean it up” Calum says as he goes and sits down on the sofa. I rolled my eyes. Rob chuckled at me.

“What?” He asked, looking at me. “You never liked cleaning,” I tell him. Rob looked at me and shrugged. “Look, you go and make the lounge look more like a lounge and I will load the dishwasher,” I say, looking at the various pots lying around.

“Fine, Okay” Rob gave in after he tried the pouting like a child. “Get Cal to help, he looks far too comfortable,” I say as I turn to start and clear the kitchen.

I had finished clearing the kitchen when Calum announced he was going to see Alex, I exchanged goodbyes before Rob came over to the kitchen leaning on the side. “You really didn’t have to clean up you know,” He tells me.

I nodded “I know, I feel like I can exactly stay still in place now it's all tidy” I smile. I walked over and sat down on the sofa, sitting back as I looked around, I smiled at the memories that kept flooding back. “You fixed the wall?” I frowned looking at a picture that had replaced the crack in the plaster, from throwing something at Rob when he scared me one day.

Rob looked at me and shook his head, moving the photo that had covered it. I laughed and shook my head “I can’t believe you still haven't fixed it” I say as Rob comes and sits down.

There was silence for a good few minutes before Rob was thinking of saying something but no words were coming out. “I’ve missed you,” He says softly. I sighed slightly and nodded “I missed you too, so much. I watched every game when I could.” I say staring at my hands.

Rob smiles, “Cal told me you would message him every now and then,” He says, I nodded. “Yeah,” I say quietly. “Do you want to go out for dinner sometimes, I know we can’t pick off where we left off. Because it’s been a year” Rob questioned and I nodded. “I would love to” I agreed, I was unsure what would happen within the next months but just being in his company made me feel happier.

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I hope you like it, feedback is more than welcome!! It’s so late now and it has taken me like 4 hours to write this and I’m very happy about it. I shall go to sleep now as I'm up in 5.5 hours and I’m tired so I will try and come and edit tomorrow errors.

#rob holding #football imagines #football one shot #football imagine #football one shots

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