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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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Mickey and the Roadster Racers: “Mickey’s Perfecto Day” and “Daisy’s Grande Goal” review or “I think i’m going out of my headcold”

Saludos Amigos! I”ve been sick, and as such have had no energy or state of mind to continue my look at every apperance of the CABs in the us, concluding with a look at every episode of legend of the three caballeros.

And today’s stop is one i’m only passingly familiar with: Mickey and the Roadster Racers. MATRR.. wait really that’s what it spells?

No Larry the Cable guy on this blog thank you. Anyways, Roadster Racers is surprisingly complicated for such a simple show. For starters it’s the successor to “Mickey Mouse’s Club House” another CGI Disney Junior show, Disney’s equivalent to Nick Jr because their clever like that. And to continue the theme of ripping off other properties, the show was Disney’s stab at following the big fake interactivity craze started by Dora the Explorer. And it’s annoying as that sounds with a lot of pasues and an annoying recurring hot dog song that’s obnoxiously catchy. It was mostly just slice of life shenanigans with the mickey mouse crew and when retoolling it they decided to drop the now dated fake interactivity, turn up the slice of life and add some of those nitro burning funny cars vroom vroom. IN a sense genral g rated soft boiled mickey shenanigans with a racing theme.

Not a terrible series but not terribly intresting hence why i’ve never covered it. It’s a bland inoffesnsive cartoon for toddlers. Enough effort is put in for me not to hate it, as even a toddler show can have effort, but not enoguh so that I really care. I’ve seen better, i’ve seen worse. The only intresting things are the racing gimmick and the fact that as said gimmick diminished they switched names to “Mickey’s mixed up adventures” in season 3. Hence the complicated part as it’s not counted as it’s own series but unlike other disney title changes they aren’t just slapping another label under the logo like the marvel shows. This is a full on retool. But it still has the same cast and prodcution crew and is counted as part of mickey mouse. Point is it’s weird and not relevant since our boys didn’t show up in that season. Oh and as a final note I learned while writing this/ there’s a THIRD Mickey Mouse Disney Junior Series, Mickey Mouse Funhouse, coming next year.

But with so little to cover I ended up throwing in a freebie. See normally I charge the same for 11 minute and 20+ minute shows. It’s fair as most 11 minute shows these days pack in as much character as the ones that use the full half hour. It’s just a diffrence in tactics is all. But here I felt obligated to do at LEAST two diffrent, but cabs related, 11 minutes here, so if I had nothing to talk about I could pad it out and If I had everyhting to talk about.. eh I still tried to do the right thing. I regret nothing. But yeah i’m sick, this series is eh, let’s gooooo.

Mickey’s Perfecto Day So Mickey and Friends are preparing to drive to spain.

No i’m not making a joke. Wish I was would be one of my best but no, Mickey and Friends are just.. casually going to drive to Spain. To explain why this hurts my head a map, on which i’ve drawn the route they’d have to take to get to spain from, let’s say Calisota, the fictional state where Mouseton, Duckburg, New Quackmore, and thus probably Hot Dog Hills, the show’s setting, reside.

This is a crue map, they oculd’ve gone down through mexico or central america.. but the point is THEY DROVE ACROSS THE OCEAN. And I genuinely do not know if their cars can do that but apparently they can. So either the writer didn’t know where Spain was or didn’t care and either way it’s bad. LIke at least give their cars a plane or boat mode. Go full DKR up in this bitch, give em diffrent racing vehicles. But it wouldn’t be as aggrivvating or bizzare if they MENTIONED how they were driving to spain, like maybe Donald’s car that’s also an old boat and goofy’s that’s a tub have aquamodes and can tow the rest. I get 5 year olds don’t care about this.. but still? I guess? Also MIckey is either the sorcerer supreme or jesus at this point. He can cross oceans by car, astral project, cross into other dimensions.. the only thing missing is raising the dead and he already did that in the 30′s.

So as for why the sorcerer supreme and his buddies are going all the way to Spain, Donald has a concert with the three caballeros and this time they all remember him as a memmber and Daisy’s a huge fan. Which is sweet. Then we hear donald duck talk and...

Yeah, Daniel Ross is not the best Donald. Now I will cut the guy some slack here: He’s a voice actor more known for doing bit parts who just got the role in 2016, since racers aired in 2017 and animation lead time and all that. He’s not going to be nearly as good as Tony or Clarence out of the gate. Even Tony wasn’t. He also had a valid reason for picking up the role as Tony likely had two series in production at that time, Rise of the Three Cablleros and Ducktales, and thus had to split his time between both. And having Chris Diamaptolus do mickey in the new shorts instead of his usual voice actor Bret Iwane despite Iwane not being in any serious danger of dying soon has worked out super. So having multiple actors isn’t the problem. Hell after the tragic loss of Russi taylor and with how bad the world is, having an understudy in mind for such an important role is a grim but understandable necicisty. While I belivie tony can go on for decades, he’s only human.

So my issue is not on Donald’s voice being diffrent or new.. it’s that it’s not very good and the second episode featuerd here shows Daniel Ross really hasn’t improved despite now having worked as the character for a while.I can forgive taking some time to grow in but being this sloppy after a full season is just unacceptable. He’s BETTER but he’s still just not very good and doing the bear minimum. I don’t doubt he’s a good va in other rolls, I don’t want to hate on the guy, but I can hate on aperfomance when it’s bad and it’s not good here. It’s just not. Not in either episode not in any way shape or form. It just feels like a lazy donald duck impression. Disney can do better and Ross can hopefully find better work in the future. But for now this just hangs like a wet fart on his resume.

Moving on, thankfully, we have our three stories split pretty evenly and all stock plots. “Horay”. Mickey and Minnie: Mickey tries to have a “perfecto” day, hence the title with Minnie, but instead gives her a rose a baby bull likes.. or maybe it’s SUPPOSED to be full grown but while Mickey and Minnie treat him like a grown bull and react to him like one.. the boy dosen’t look at all, even in the series style, like an adult bull. he looks like a calf. Mickey.. is initimdated by a small child whose horns aren’t sharp enough to hurt him.

It’s just REALLY distracting and takes me out of the plot which itself is as bland as plain toast and twice as dry. They flee him till the end where Minnie figures out the rose thing at the concert and they make an ew friend. NOt TERRIBLE but not great. Goofy and Cuckoo Loca: Okay first off who and what is a cuckoo loca? Well she’s a wind up bird that lives in Daisy’s Cuckoo Clock and makes sarcastic comments in a brooklyn accent because nikka futtterman voices her. Still makes more sense than driving to spain. She’s not a bad addition to the cast.. not even that weird as most kids based franchises have an adorable animal sidekick to market. Goofy wants to try some “flamingo dancing” while in spain, with Loca going along to make sure he dosen’t die somehow.. which would be unjustifable for anyone but goofy. Also.. Flamingo Dancing...

But yeah Goofy goes up against ... world famous flamingo dancer horace horsecollar?!

Now apparently this is a common thing for him in this series, apparently, but still it feels like if one of those weird variant ninja turtle figures from the 80′s was a plot point in an episode. Like if we actually had an episode based around birthday magician raph.

It feels just as odd and out of place for down to earth if showy horace to suddenly be the best flaminco dancer in spain, despite being very much white coded, as it does for the angriest ninja turtle to be pulling a rabbit out of kids hats. Now Rise of the TMNT raph I could totally see as a party magician but any other? He’d probably break his wand over some kids head.

Goofy ends up winning anyway because he’s stupid, though Flamingo dancing should be a real thing even if this joke is bad and it shoudl feel bad. What an ODD subplot Okay one more then i’m free of this prison.

The Three Cablleros Plus Daisy: Okay finally we get to what I came here for. The Three Caballeros! And..they look a tad off. Not terrible but clearly the animators weren’t as skilled with non duck beaks as both of them look ready to do this to donald.

While Panchito’s color varies. Sometime’s it’s a deep brownish crimson, sometimes it’s poop brown and there’s no classy way to put it. When he’s in this cheap cgi, he looks like a shit chicken. This gets to a larger issue though... the animation here is not great. It’s not TERRIBLE.. but it’s pretty freaking sub par for disney. And i’ve SEEN their other cgi shows around the same time due to having a young niece and nephew. Sherieff Callie, Doc McStuffins, MIles from Tommorowland, and after this T.O.T.S. and Rocketeer. I’m not saying these are masterpieces of the genre, but they have more effort in botht he animation and writing put in. Here it just feels like they do the bear minimum which feels really fucking wrong. These chracters deserve better and have thankfully gotten better. YOu can make a show for preschoolers that’s cutsey and harmless and still have it at least be creative god dammit. It’s why I don’t like covering this show. It just feels so.. lifeless. They try a bit here and there but outside of cuckoo, there’s nothing really new or intresting to really make kids love these characters and it bothers me. it bothers me a lot.

Moving on thank god, the plot is bare bones as is the boys characterization. So far at least their character has been pretty consitent across all mediums. i’ts something I haven’t really touched on but their seen as world traveler’, Panchito being a Gaucho and Jose being such a ladies man this will probably happen to him eventually.

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I swear to god that was the only part of this movie I can remember. I’m better off that way. But yeah without Panchito’s pep or Jose’s smooth talking ways, there’s just nothing for disney junior to work with so their just.. friends to donald who are nice to daisy. Which is very nice to see, but isn’t very intresting or gives me a lot to talk about. Donald eats a food that’s too hot, continues to talk poorly, and Daisy has to fill in. He gets back in at time and they sing probably the most forgetable cabs song yet. It’s.. not much honestly. This was worth covering for completions sake but it dosen’t really add much. If nothing else it at least made me realize so far each mile of the ride has added something fresh to the characters: The original was the foundation, rosa gave them depth and made them feel like real people, and house of mouse made them feel like a big deal to other characters and made donald’s history as a cabllero part of his legacy as it should be. Each one so far has felt like it added.. this one just made me realize that and that is all. It builds on nothing adds nothing and there’s really nothing here other than MAYBE the brown/crimson design for panchito that carries over from the looks of it. The next two versions build on what rosa, the movie and to a lesser extent the house of mouse built. This one adds nothing. This plot is just.. inconqueintal. not bad for kids to know about them but even then it feels like a disapointing introduction. I fondly remember hte cabs episodes of house of mouse and even on rewatch they mostly held up despite some weak parts. This .. this will just be forgotten and I only hope legend and ducktales have done a better job keeping my boys alive in kids minds. God i’m depressed. Well at least this is over right.. right?

Daisy’s Grande Goal

Okay as I said I was doing two, and rather than do this episode’s paired episode I decided on Season 2′s “Supercharged: Daisy’s Grande Goal”.. and cut the supercharged out of the title for the most part because why would you put the sutitle in your actual title. And only in some episodes. But yeah this season had a new gimmick, SUPERCHARGING... which basically means our heroes roadsters can go into super sayian tron super sayian mode and go real fast. They look real nice though and it has it’s own neat theme tune so there’s that. Otherwise the only other change is the animation which improves greatly. Seriously look at that shot above. That’s quality lin line with the ohter disney juinor shows. It’s still not as CREATIVE, but it’s not as slipshod as it started and I have to give them credit on that.

So our heroes are in Brazil.. and as far as I can tell they drove there again.. but the diffrence is 1) you can actually DRIVE to brazil and 2) they have super fast super cars now, meaning even if the super charge mode has a timer, it can help with the commute. It’s also one of the boys actual home countries this time. I mean the episode isn’t built around the cabs.. but neither was the last one. Seriously I almost missed that: it’s three unrleated plots and really you could’ve just lenethed the bull and goofy plots a bit and left donald and daisy out. If your not going to use the cabs right hten don’t use them at all. Here though their used BETTER.. still not in the lead unforunately but at least them being on the brazilian soccer team makes sense as jose is from brazil and while panchito is it he’s his best friend, sometimes lover and always there when he needs him. So spending some time in brazil to play soccer/football isn’t a stretch. But that’s about it for their involvment: they say a few lines, are part of the brazilian team our heroes face, and we get Not-Donald saying “No Way Jose”.,,,

Sadly I can’t leave but the main plot is about Daisy’s Cousnt Almonda. She was in the previous episode which I did not watch but I do like both there being a valid reason why our heroes are here, and connection between episodes. While this season isn’t MUCH better.. it’s still better by some metric. The plot is very basic: Almonda always wins at soccer ever since she and Daisy were kids, and it’s your basic “hero gets overcompetitive to finally win plot and learns to just have fun and to use teamwork heart of the cards and all that” It goes how you’d expect with Daisy hogging the ball and causing disasters and then a ten car pileup before cucoo yells at her, she realizes she was bad and also realizes Almonda had to practice hard to beat her, and ends up beating her through teamwork and you get it. IT’s not much But yeah ten car pile up.. that’s where it is intresting and rediculous as their playing soccer with cars. Which given i’ve always been an advocate for card games on motor cycles, seriously it’s not more rediculous than Yugioh was before that: in the anime and manga before 5ds we had table hockey but the puck is ice with nitrocylcrine in it, a battle with an escaped convict involving vodka and only using one finger, a chinese puzzel box that devoured souls, a dueling monkey, a whole hogwarts style school for dueling, duel spirits, our heroes childhood creations coming to life to help him, our hero merging with his androgynous childhood friend to fight the light of all evils, and on top of all of that, kaiba building a giant murder theme park soley to kill yugi and, even with how rich is he is, not even going to prison for the two months he’d get for that. My point is Yugioh is fricking weird and I love it so and card games on mortocyles is awesome. Soccer with cars is alright. The teams are mickey, minnie, daisy and donald, for the US and Almonda, Jose, Panchito and.. Pancho Pete for the Brazilian team. Pete’s cousin. He apparenlty has a lot of em. Eh as long as we don’t get petkeem the african dream we’re fine.

Why why did I make this. Why. But yeah it’s fine, not the best action ever adn the supercharge segments as I said look nice but as I also said ther’es just not a lot here. Daisy’s cousin is intresting, but likely more in the other segment. Here she’s more of a plot device to make daisy into an asshole for the episode so the plot can happen. There’s just not a lot to talk about> Hence me doing two of these. I will say it’s a better episode than the other one: it felt like more actually happened, it was more cohesive, had way more enerjgy and it had billy beagle... the series resident overexcited and loveable announcer voiced by the far from loveable jay leno of stealing conan’s job he gave him and last man standing, for some reason, fame.

Overall these episodes are.. eh. The first one is kind of a mess, the second one is slightly better but these clearly werne’t meant for adults, let alone older kids and it shows. But I found some material here and made a horrifying combination of a terrible racist wwe gimmick and pete so.. I win/ I guess. I dunno, until next time, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

#mickey and the roadster racers #mickey's mixed up adventures #disney #disney junior #mickey mouse #donald duck #goofy goof #daisy duck #minnie mouse #cuco loca #Jose Carioca #panchito romero miguel junipero francisco quintero gonzalez #panchito pistoles #pete pete

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for-f0rever · 7 years

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I Miss You - Zoe Murphy x Connor Murphy

i had the inspiration to write this yesterday afternoon and well, this happened pretty quickly. i'm sorry i know it's probably a mess and sad and everything that i never thought i'd write at least in this moment? but i did and now we're here and there's just a lot of emotion.

please let me know if you like it :)

title is from I Miss You by Blink-182

Graduation day is supposed to be a day of celebration, a day of happiness.

Zoe Murphy’s graduation day is the opposite.

She knows she should be excited. Graduating with honors is a huge deal, and spending the night celebrating with her friends and family is all Zoe wanted. She wanted to be happy, she wanted to be excited about leaving high school behind, moving onto college where she knew she’d make a ton of friends and a million new memories.

But there was a hole in her heart. A hole that nothing could ever heal or replace.

She and Connor were not best friends, at least not when they were teenagers. Often times they fought, Connor would threaten to kill her and she’d call him a psychopath. She feared him, to put it lightly. She feared for her safety, that one day he would try to kill her. But most of all, she feared for his own safety.

She remembers hearing the news that Connor had died like it was yesterday. She remembers her mother hysterical on the phone with her father, saying that he had been found by the police in the park with an empty pill bottle in his pocket. He died at the hospital just over an hour later with Cynthia and Larry both by his side.

Zoe had waited in the waiting room after briefly mumbling some sort of goodbye to him. She couldn’t see him take his last breaths. She hated that the last image of her brother was him with a breathing tube shoved down his throat, and the last words he said to her was that she was an annoying bitch.

She remembers the chills that ran through her body when everything began to process. Her brother had taken his own life, the burdens of the world too much for him. She hated that that’s what it had come to, hated that they didn’t try to get him help sooner, that he felt like no one cared about him.

The weeks and months following his death were the worst of Zoe’s life. Her parents fought more than ever, finally enrolling in marriage counseling at Zoe’s insistence that what little piece of the family was left was falling apart. Her dad never wavered once in his opinion that Connor wanted attention, and Zoe spent nights fighting with her parents about how they failed Connor, that they barely put in the effort to help him.

One by one her friends began to trickle away, and Zoe became more withdrawn. She had a few friends when she graduated, but none of them understood how she felt.

She hoped none of them had to understand.

Zoe had gone to a grief counselor in the months after Connor's death, talking through things with the woman who explained that it was okay to feel anything that she felt. It ended in a lot of tears, a lot of closed fists and questions as to why she didn’t miss her brother as much as she thought she should. She was told that it had a lot to do with their relationship when he died, how things were rocky and that contributed to how she felt about him dying.

Zoe didn’t buy it.

The first holiday season without Connor was the worst that Zoe had ever remembered, and she felt like that was saying something judging by how the last few holiday seasons went when Connor was alive.

They exchanged gifts, but Connor’s stocking stays hung on the fireplace, no gifts overflowing from it and no presents under the tree with his name on them. It doesn’t feel right, Zoe thinks. None of this felt right, and she knew her parents felt the same way.

Larry ends up at the bar by mid-afternoon, and Zoe and Cynthia end up ordering Chinese. It’s the only thing that Zoe felt like was appropriate in the whole day.

Now she finds herself, a year and a half after her brother’s death, standing at her graduation ceremony. A year to the day since they were supposed to be sitting at Connor’s own high school graduation. Her skin crawls at the thought of her making it further in school than him. That’s not how it’s supposed to be.

She hates it.

She receives her diploma, looking out to where she knew her parents were sitting with her grandparents.

Connor wasn’t there.

She bites her lip until it bleeds to stop the tears. The guy she’s sitting next to asks her if she’s okay, and she just nods. She doesn’t trust herself to talk to him without crying.

She thinks he knows why she’s so upset. She’s just grateful he doesn’t say anything about it.

She meets up with her family when the ceremony ends, the hugs lasting longer than normal. Zoe’s okay with that.

“We’re so proud of you,” Cynthia says, her eyes filled with tears. Zoe knows they’re not all for her.

“Thanks,” Zoe whispers, turning to hug her father and grandparents quickly. “I know my party is in a few hours, but would you mind if I went out for a little while alone? I’ll be home well before the party, and I’ll help set up when I’m back,” She promises, and Cynthia nods immediately.

“Take your time,” She says, and Zoe has a feeling her mom knows where she’s going.

She walks back to her car, stopping for photos with some friends with promises to take a million more that night when they come over for her party. They smile at her and she attempts to smile back, but her eyes are glossy and she's fairly sure it comes out as a grimace. She walks to her car before they say anything about it.

Zoe turns her radio far too loud when she leaves the parking lot of her high school for the final time, blasting Blink-182 and singing along at the top of her lungs.

It’s the most alive she’s felt all day.

She doesn’t have to think about where she’s going, her mind subconsciously takes her there.

When she drives through the gates of the cemetery she turns the radio down to a more acceptable level, finding it slightly inappropriate to blast songs where people are mourning the loss of loved ones.

She tries not to think about how if Connor were sat in the passenger seat he would’ve turned the music right back up, rolling down all the windows and singing at the top of his lungs. It makes her laugh.

Pulling her car over to the side of the road Zoe takes a deep breath, shutting the car off. Her legs suddenly feel like lead, like if she steps out of the car she’s going to collapse.

She forces herself to do it anyway.

She’s been to the cemetery more than she thought she would have been since Connor was buried, mostly when she needed to get out of the house and away from her parents fighting. She brings flowers sometimes, despite knowing full well that Connor would’ve hated flowers.

She does it mostly for herself. It helps her feel like she’s being nice after years of not being great towards him.

She doesn’t have anything this time except for the flowers her parents had given her after graduation. Shrugging her graduation gown off she leaves it on the driver’s seat and reaches across to the passenger seat, pulling the flowers into her hands. Her mom will understand why she doesn’t come home with them.

The sun is beating down on the cemetery, birds chirping in the trees lining the streets next to the plots. Zoe’s legs carry her through the rows of headstones, stopping when she reaches the one that’s all too familiar.

CONNOR L. MURPHY A LOVING SON AND BROTHER 2000-2017

Sinking down to the prickly grass, Zoe sets the flowers at the base of her brother’s headstone, running her fingers over the cool granite.

“Hey,” She says, sitting down on the grass and taking a deep breath. “I um, I’m sorry I haven’t been to see you in a while. Exams were crazy, and I was trying to enjoy my last few weeks of high school. Which was basically impossible to enjoy with everything going on, by the way,” She says quietly, fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist.

The bracelet Connor had given her for Christmas when she was 12. The one that she now never took off.

“I graduated high school today. I’d like to think that you were there in spirit, you know? That you would’ve been proud of me if you were here in person. You would’ve probably been so obnoxious at the ceremony. Yelling my name and embarrassing me,” She laughs, because in the state Connor left the Earth that would’ve been opposite of how he would’ve reacted.

She likes to pretend that that Connor didn’t exist. That the Connor that left this Earth was the one that was her best friend, that was always proud of her — even when she messed up.

She knows that’s an awful coping mechanism, but it’s all that works.

“I’m going to college in the fall. Studying to be a grief counselor. It’s going to take me forever before I’m finally certified, but I hope maybe I’ll be able to help people feel better the way that the grief counselors helped me feel better when you…when you died.”

Zoe swallows the lump in her throat, taking a moment to look away from her brother’s headstone. She notice an older woman in the row behind Connor’s leaving flowers at a headstone. She wonders if she's going to sit and talk to her family member, too.

“Everyone is back at the house getting ready for my graduation party. Grandma and Grandpa have been here all week. Mom and Dad aren’t letting them stay in your room, obviously. That hasn’t been touched since…well since everything happened. But I think Mom is about to suffocate with them staying with us. You’d probably have made some stupid joke about it by now, and I would’ve laughed but Mom would’ve given us that look and Dad would’ve said how we needed to behave in front of family.”

“All our aunts and uncles and cousins are coming, but all I can think about is how much I wish you were going to be there with us. How I wish I could find you in the sea of relatives we barely know, and you and I could sneak upstairs to your room and play games until Dad would find us and we’d get in trouble. Because all I really want to do today is hide away from everyone.”

Zoe wipes at her eyes, sniffling as she takes a shaky breath. She looks up towards the sky, squinting her eyes when the sun became too bright.

“I miss you, Connor. I miss you more than I ever thought I would. More than I ever wanted to miss you, if we’re being honest,” She laughs at that, blinking away the tears. “I just wish you were here, and that I could’ve done more to help you, to save you.”

She sighs, biting her lip as words fly through her mind at a million miles a minute. She doesn’t know what she wants to say, but often times she just comes and spends a few minutes with him. She needs more now, more time with him, more time to cope. There's so many things on her mind that she wants to say to him, but she struggles with where to begin.

Finding those words doesn’t come easy.

“I drove here with Blink-182 blaring. I turned it down when I pulled in the gates, but I thought about how you would’ve probably turned it louder and left all the windows down while you sang obnoxiously.”

“Sometimes when I’m driving in my car I think about how you used to sit slumped in the passenger seat, whining about how lame it was your younger sister had to drive you everywhere. That Mom and Dad shouldn’t have taken your car keys even though you know they had every reason to. I know you hated those car rides with me and you would’ve rather driven yourself. I didn't really like them back then either, but now they’re my favorite memories. They’re my favorite because we rarely fought in the car. You were just there and things felt okay even though they were the furthest thing from okay.”

Her bottom lip wobbles, and she laughs sadly. “Fuck, this is supposed to be a happy day, but all I can think about is how you never made it to your graduation. We never got to see the person you were going to be. We never even got to see the person you were behind all that hurting.”

Another deep breath. A rough, wet cough. “I’m so sorry, Connor. I’m so sorry you hurt so much that you felt like the only way to escape was to take your own life. I’m sorry we failed you. I'm sorry that you and I stopped getting along and I didn't do enough to help you like I know I could've, and that you felt like you couldn't come and tell me how you were feeling. I’m sorry that you’re not here today and you’re not here to make me laugh, or to sneak me away from everyone when things are going to be too overwhelming.”

She punches the ground once, covering her mouth as she sobs. The older woman looks back, giving her a sympathetic smile.

Zoe just lets her head fall.

“I love you, Connor. I know we didn’t have the best relationship. I know that you left this world hating me and I deserved it. I know that you weren’t my favorite either. But I fucking love you, and I never stopped loving you, even when you made it impossible for me to. Even when you threatened to kill me, or you yelled at me when I didn’t deserve it. You're my brother and I always loved you.”

She leans back on her knees, reaching forward and running her fingers along the cool granite, tracing the etching of his name with her fingers. Her nail polish is chipped, just like Connor’s always was.

“I’m going to come more often, if that’s okay with you. I know that it’s not the same as you being here in person, but maybe me visiting will heal some things,” She sighs, memorizing the way his name feels under her touch. “I’m so sorry, Connor. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t the sister you needed.”

She lets her hands fall to her lap, biting her lip. “I should probably go home. Mom and Dad probably need my help before everyone comes over,” She mumbles, as if Connor is going to answer. “I um, I miss you Connor. I’m never going to just stop missing you, I don’t think. I don’t think this is going to get any easier. Please, can you look out for me? Steer me in the right direction, help me through this crazy life. I can’t…I can’t do this alone.”

Slowly, on shaky legs and tears still streaming down her face Zoe stands up, taking a deep breath and running her fingers along the rough edges of the top of her brother’s headstone. “I’ll be back soon, Connor. I love you.”

Her legs carry her back to her car, where she shuts the door and lets her head fall against the steering wheel. She hits it a few times, letting out a strangled sob as the tears fall again. She gives herself a few minutes before wiping her eyes, slowly making her way home when she feels like it's safe for her to drive.

Later that night, when the Murphy’s house and backyard are filled with friends and family celebrating her graduation Zoe looks up at the sky, noticing a blue balloon that didn’t come from her party decorations floating by.

She pretends it’s from Connor. Giving her a sign that he’s there, just like she asked from him hours before.

Somehow she feels like everything is going to be okay.

#deh fic #dear evan hansen #connor murphy #zoe murphy #cynthia murphy #larry murphy #dear evan hansen fic #connor murphy fic #zoe murphy fic #i'm so sorry for this i just couldn't help myself #deh #my writing

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