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#But it super does not feel like it was written with that intention!! Agh my conflictions lol
sysig · 2 years
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I really should clean up that KoiBo essay I started, I got like 3k words deep and it was all just mushy rambling about how much I love Souichi
#Koisuru Boukun#I really do love Souichi he's such a fascinating character study#I guess like half of that is also about Morinaga - he's also really interesting but I'm a lot more clinical about him lol#With Morinaga I'm like ''Ah yes his trauma stems from xyz and presents as abc and thus efg happens''#Whereas with Souichi I'm just like ''Ahhhhhhhhhhh he loves his family so much and he's so stupid but so smart fjdkslafj'' lol#Like there IS analysis in there! I'm particularly fascinated by his perception of nuance in others and himself and how that grows over time#Even just in Challengers - hell /especially/ in Challengers they're already such well fleshed out characters#I consider KoiBo to basically be a soft reboot and some of the decisions are uhhhhhhh questionable#But other than the glaring one they're mostly logically consistent with what Challengers set up and just fjdsklajfldf#They're honestly such interesting characters!!#They're also codependent lol definitely had no impact on my tastes in literature going forward#What's the line I have buried somewhere in the file uhh#If I had a nickel for every time I got fixated on a guy who goes around wearing long coats with lapels has round glasses long hair an...#Interesting personality and whose story centrally focuses on trauma and queer themes in the 90s I'd have two nickels#Which isn't a lot but it's weird that it's happened twice#I am also fully open to more recommendations of that particular niche if anyone has some because lbrh - they are few and far between#JFKlsfd every time I think about KoiBo I'm just like ''I wish this was written this way on purpose'' lol#It can be cracked open into some of the best writing I've seen about learning to love yourself as an ace person!#But it super does not feel like it was written with that intention!! Agh my conflictions lol#Well that's also part of the charm lol I trend towards forgiveness for things that I love that much#I still always feel like I'm making excuses for liking it as much as I do tho lol ahh......the self consciousness of loving something lol
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honey-hippie-harper · 3 years
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In-Laws Being In-Laws (Re-upload)
 Hiii!
So, this is basically an old fic, which I deleted from my other account ( @dawniebb ) and was requested to be uploaded again.
This feels like a lifetime ago afgshjka, but I remember it was written for a Renegades content swap event, and it was for @healing-winston-pratt (hello, wifey!). The prompt was, basically, Nova and one of the Renegays being in-laws, and it was super fun to write! <3
If anyone’s reading this: Hi, you’re a beautiful human being, and I love you <3
In-Laws Being In-Laws
Dear Dread Warden,
I am not quite sure you will get this message because it is been a while since I last used my communicator but, in case you do: I  hope you are having a nice morning. 
The reason I am writing you this is that, as you must already be aware, right now Sketch and his teammates are taking part in the Annual Renegade Convention as special guests to be awarded for their heroic participation in the Second Battle for Gatlon. Hence, they are out of town. Due to my temporary resignation from the team, I declined the offer to attend the event and, for instance, to receive an award. This means that, unlike theirs, my routine remains the same as usual.
Unfortunately, I must see my therapist for my weekly appointment in two hours, and after that I will have to go to the supermarket to pick up some groceries and essential items. Under normal circumstances, given the nature of my relationship with Sketch, he would have driven me to the supermarket and then back to my apartment, as it happens to be located sort of far from the store and it could be pretty difficult for me to walk while carrying all those bags. However, as mentioned before, these are not normal circumstances and Sketch is not currently available.
I reach out to you with no intention to cause trouble; for instance, if I happen to be asking too much or disrupting your schedule (As I am conscious you are a busy person) and you consider you will not be able to help me, I assure you I completely understand. But: Could you pick me up from my therapist's office and take me to the supermarket afterwards?
I apologize for the inconvenience and I promise I will make sure this does not happen again. In addition, I also apologize for the alliteration in the greeting at the beginning of this message. I did not know whether you wanted to be acknowledged by your real name or your alias.
Sincerely,
Insomnia.
-.-
Hi, Insomnia!!!
So nice to see you!... Or should I say read you! Ha! It's been so long, it almost feels like an eternity! I hope therapy is going great! (We're all really proud of you!)
It doesn't bother me at all, sweetheart; of course I'll help you with that. Could you share the location of your therapist's office, please?
Oh, and also: What time do you want me to be there? (Not that I have anything to do today, I just want to be on time).  
I'm excited to see you! Can I take you to eat something afterwards? How does that sound?
Take care!
(Agh. I forgot these things don't actually allow you to write your real  name).
-S i m o n.
(Better).
-.-
He spotted Nova way before parking. She was sitting on a bench outside the building, staring anxiously at her phone. The body language of a nervous person.
Simon stopped the car right in front of where she was, and when she realized he was already here, Nova jumped out of her seat as if it had burned her skin, before jogging in an awkward manner towards the car.
Once she was inside, Simon couldn't help but feel a twinge in his stomach. He wasn't lying when he told her he was excited to see her. In fact, he was more than excited, and he had to hold himself back pretty hard to avoid hugging her, because it was evident she didn't want to be hugged right now, for she just directed a tiny smile at him and said:
"Hi."
She was the same Nova he had met some time ago, but at the same time she was different; she was wearing sneakers, skinny jeans and a basic white v-neck shirt; her hair was a little longer, too, to the point she could tie it in a cute little ponytail; Simon could tell she wasn’t wearing any makeup, but still her face looked healthier than before; less tired, with smaller under-eye dark circles and lips covered in chapstick. Finally.
She looked alive. More than before.
“Hi.” He finally responded.
Watching people get better was always satisfactory, but watching Nova get better was different. He had grown to appreciate her, since the very first moment he saw her with Adrian; since the very first moment he spoke to her and saw nothing but utter heartbreak in her eyes. Nova was hurting, and any sensitive person would’ve noticed that. So, watching her get better was a touching experience for him.
“You look so…”
Nova interrupted him almost immediately.
“I know. I...I barely had time to fix my hair. Gosh. It’s so uncomfortable and I want to cut it but I haven’t had time. I…”
“Oh, no, no, no! Your hair looks gorgeous! “ He chuckled, although he was confused by her reaction. “I was gonna say you look really good. Really, really good. The ponytail looks great on you.”
Nova gulped as she adjusted said ponytail.
“Oh.” She muttered in a hoarse voice. “...Well...Thank you. I thought…”
“No, no.” Simon waved his hand. “You look great. How.... how are you?”
She seemed to be processing the question, even though it was not that difficult.
“I’m…” Nova cleared her throat. “I’m doing great. How are you? How’s ...life going?”
“Absolutely great!” Simon smiled, clapping his hands together. “Things at home are great. You know, Hugh’s not currently here due to the Annual Renegade Convention. Adrian’s not here either (for sure, you already know about that) and Max…”
“Max went too, yeah.” Nova smiled. Her eyes seemed to brighten to the mention of Max’s name. Adrian had mentioned this fact about her a couple of times: Nova was fond of children. And even if she wasn’t, she had a tendency to protect and care about them. Since she had this type of strong personality, Hugh refused to recognize that as a truth, but Simon had no trouble believing it.
It was adorable.
“He called me when he got the invitation. He was eager to go.” She continued. “Which doesn’t surprise me. I...It’s his first time travelling, right?”
“Oh, yeah.” Responded Simon. “We’re planning to go on vacation this year. Because, you know, the convention’s being held not too far away from Gatlon and sadly he’s probably gonna get bored.”
“Bored?” Nova shifted herself in the seat, awkwardly. “Why?”
“Well...those conventions are...well, conventions.” Simon shrugged, smiling at her. “There are a lot of speeches, one after the other and, sure, the guests that represent Gatlon can skip some of them, but others are mandatory and they’re like 2 hours long and it’s so boring and…”
Nova hissed, grimacing, to which Simon nodded in agreement.
“I’m glad I didn’t have to go.” He admitted. “Though I do wanted to be there when Adrian and Max received their award. Too sad.”
Nova tried to speak a couple of times, until she finally had found the correct words to said her thoughts out loud.
“Why...why didn’t you go, then?”
“About that.” Simon chuckled. “Tamaya is going to be there too, as a speaker. And she’s also receiving an award. So...somebody had to take care of the Headquarters and Kasumi and I were left with that responsibility. However, it’s been pretty peaceful, as you may have noticed.”
“I have.” Nova nodded. “Not that I...go out very much, but yeah. Things have been calm.”
“People are behaving for once. And it’s awesome.” he sighed.
Then they stayed in silence. For a while.
Nova stared out the window, avoiding eye contact, while Simon whistled as he tapped his fingers on the wheel.
Not a word. No small talk.
Nothing.
“Sooooo…” Said Simon. “Shall we go?”
“Perhaps we should.” Nova said, immediately, as a flash of relief crossed her face.
So Simon smiled at her once again as he turned on the engine, while Nova put on her seatbelt next to him.
-.-
It took her so little time to come back Simon confirmed she was one of those people who would strategically write their shopping list so they wouldn’t be going back and forth through the aisles. It also surprised him that, being a person so young, she was so...focused on everything.
She really had only bought groceries and essential items. No junk food. No silly things she swore she would need and then she didn’t. Not even candy from the checkout area.
Simon hurried himself out of the car to help her put the bags in the trunk, but once she saw him and guessed his intentions, she quickly said:
“It’s okay. I can do it.”
“I know you can.” He clarified. Because, well, she indeed was a strong person. “But maybe you could use some help. That’s...a couple of bags.”
“Yeah. I know.” Nova nodded, already carrying the first two of the bags. “But I can do it. Please. I’m already causing you too much trouble.”
Simon was yet again confused by her reaction, and he tried to talk to her about it. But just like Nova looked like she didn’t want to be hugged right now, she also looked like she didn’t want to talk about it right now.
So he just opened the trunk for her and held it in case it would go down by its own. It had never happened, but just to be sure. Sometimes Simon’s anxiety made him overanalyze some situations.
Less than 10 minutes had passed by the time Nova finished putting all her stuff in the car, Simon figured she was still training, since she was as agile and fast as she was the day she notified them she would be taking some time off from the team and the Renegades in general.
They got in the car again, and before the silence could get as uncomfortable as the previous one, Simon took the initiative to speak.
“I think...you forgot to answer a part of my message.” He said, carefully. “You know...the part where I told you that maybe we could...go to a restaurant or something?”
Nova’s face, ears and neck turned so red she became a human-shaped cherry, and although in other circumstances he would’ve considered it adorable, this time he couldn’t help but feel sympathy for her. He had been there and done that many times; the messages Nova had sent were peak odd. The type of messages one would overthink over and over again because they had to be perfect. And if something, anything sounded off after you sent it, your world would be in shambles.
So he just smiled to assure it was okay. That he didn’t mind. That those messages didn’t have to be so formal in the first place.
And that, obviously, didn’t work.
For his experience, it never did.
“I...I...Yeah.” Nova scratched her brow. “Pretty much I...I...can recall not knowing how to word that so I just left it blank and I...must’ve forgotten to…”
“Nova.” Simon said, softly. “It’s okay. I don’t mind.”
“Did I...offend you or something?”
“Absolutely no!” He said. “Why would you think that? It’s just a slip. I know it wasn’t your intention and to be honest I still want to take you to eat something so...yeah, there’s no reason to get weird about this. There’s no need to worry.”
Nova took a deep, hasty breath. She was flustered, son Simon tried to keep her calm; to make her feel like she was in a safe environment.
Why wouldn’t she be, in the first place?
She was his son’s girlfriend.
Why would he want to hurt her or make her feel bad?
“Nova, darling.” He said again. “Do you have something on your mind?”
“I do.” Nova cleared her throat, crossing her arms over her chest. “I don’t really...can eat out right now. I barely manage to afford my groceries, you know? It’s been…”
“But you’re not gonna pay your own bill. I mean, why would you do that?” Simon raised an eyebrow at her, genuinely confused, but still laughing nervously. Sweet rot, who had hurt this child so much? “ I’m the one who’s taking you to eat. You wouldn’t have to…”
“You don’t have to either!” She snapped. Not mad, but rather distressed, while breathing heavily.
Simon went still, afraid he would make it worse. Still, he couldn’t leave it like that, so he gulped and, once he reunited enough courage, he dared to speak again.
“What’s really on your mind, Nova?” He asked, this time in a more soothing voice. Nova’s whole being went red again, but the shadow of confusion in her expression was noticeable and hard to ignore. For this reason, Simon decided to provide some kind of scaffolding.
“For example: Why would you write a message that is directed to me in such a formal way?” He asked, patiently. “Why would you ask me to pick you up as if you were asking me to help you commit a crime? Why would you act so uncomfortable around me when it’s not the first time that we’ve met? Why would you…?”
“Because it’s you.” Nova answered, avoiding eye contact.
And he expected that answer, yes. But, at the same time, he expected to understand the statement once it slipped out of her mouth.
However, he didn’t.
“Can you elaborate?” He requested.
Nova clicked her tongue as she rubbed her neck, staring at the dash right in front of her.
“...I can disappear if you want me to. Would that make you feel more comfortable?”
“No. No, no.” Nova nodded, waving her hands, finally looking at him. “That won’t be necessary.”
“Then...would you tell me what’s wrong?”
Nova thought about it. She squirmed in her seat. Gulped. Coughed. Squirmed again.
Then, playing with her own hands, she spoke.
“...I’m ashamed.”
“Ashamed of what…?” Simon tilted his head to the side. “Ashamed of who…? What exactly are you ashamed of? ...Dating Adrian?”
Nova flinched.
“I would never.”
A spark of pride illuminated his thoughts and his insides in general, but Simon tried to pay little attention to it.
“I’m just...ashamed. Of everything.” Nova said, sighing. “I…”
And she cut herself in the middle of the phrase, realizing that once again she wouldn’t be able to finish it.
Simon didn’t realize he was frowning until he felt the muscles of his face slowly giving in. He understood.
And he knew that anything that had happened during the Second Battle for Gatlon had been her fault. She might have contributed in some way but, at the end of the day, she was just a child.
A very confused and manipulated child who just needed someone to listen without twisting her words as they pleased.
“...I just think that...if I were you I wouldn’t like me either.” She wasn’t crying, nor did she sound like she was about to any time soon. There was so much resignation in her voice that her words weighted as much as a giant rock. “Hugh gave me his blessing to...you know, date Adrian…”
“I can recall giving you my blessing too.”
Nova tripped on her own words.
“I mean, you did. You both did.” She said. “But still… It’s because… because you want him to be happy. And I get it. I really do. And I understand because, like I said, I wouldn’t like me either...I know I am loved. I know I matter for some people...but I also know I did...bad things, and I carry this sort of cursed last name…”
She stopped and breathed for a second before continuing.
“And I…” She finally looked at him. “I get it. You don’t have to pretend you like me, after all that happened. After I stole stuff from your house; infiltrated into your system; caused a terrorist attack...You really don’t have to pretend.”
Simon blinked, and if it wasn’t for her specific and controlled body language, he would’ve thought she was making excuses or even joking.
But Nova was telling the truth.
And it was heartbreaking.
“Perhaps you should think outside the box and picture a scenario in which you realize we’re not pretending.” That’s the only thing he said.
“Perhaps you should realize that we love you and you matter to us.” He reached for her hand and softly touched her knuckles. Her hands were shaking. “And that, yes, we want Adrian to be happy, but we also want you to be happy.”
Nova’s eyes seemed to be covered in crystals, but she remained in silence.
“You’re part of this family now, Nova.” He smiled. “And I’m sorry, but you’ll have to deal with that.”
Nova sniffed, swallowing, while lacing her hand into Simon’s.
“Artino and everything?” She muttered.
“Artino it’s not what defines you.” Simon chuckled. “You’re Nova. Just Nova... And we’re really proud of you. Not ashamed.”
She smiled back at him, wordless, and Simon gave her a quick handshake before putting his hands around the wheel.
Because even now, that her walls were crumbling right before her eyes, she didn’t look like someone who wanted to be hugged at the moment, and he accepted and respected that.
“I was planning to take you to my favorite restaurant, but maybe we can prepare a homemade meal instead?” He suggested. “You know? In-laws being in-laws? … Not to brag, but I make the best lemon pie in the world.”
Nova chuckled. Relaxed.
Happy.
“Sounds great.” She said, nodding.
“Excellent.” Simon turned on the engine.
“Let’s go home.”
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