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artificialqueens · 5 years

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Pink & Purple Lipstick - Part Seven (Trixya) - Lost Imp

TW: Mentions of suicide and depression

Katya didn’t really sleep anymore, or eat much, or leave the house. Not since she realised that no matter how many times she rang her own phone from Trixie’s, no-one was going to answer on the other end. She had resigned herself to her bedroom, school becoming a foggy possibility that seemed like it existed in an alternate universe, a blissful universe where Trixie was still a part of her everyday life and everything she felt wasn’t merely numbness and self-loathing. Margarita spent her days attempting to rouse a semblance of motivation in her daughter, pleading with her to consider the idea of getting help, or getting out of the house or just getting up out of bed.

After about three miserable weeks, nothing had changed in the Zamolodchikova household and Katya’s mother was becoming desperate. She sent message upon message to the Mattels, asking them to reconsider moving Trixie away from her school district, insisting that she would keep a closer eye on their daughter, promising it would be better for everyone if the two girls remainin the same schoo together. Unsurprisingly, nothing ever came from the messages.

Friday afternoon came and went much like the last two had, uneventfully. That was, until the evening time when the doorbell rang, not once, but three times, almost in a musical fashion. Margarita moved quickly to answer the door, while Katya, who heard the noise from her bedroom, didn’t move a muscle. A soft, smiling face greeted the Russian woman in the hallway.

“Hi, Mrs Zamo” Danny said, immediately wrapping her in a quick hug.

“Hello Danny, come in” Margarita smiled.

“Thanks” Danny kicked off their scuffed converse, long hair falling in front of their face, “I just thought I would come around and check on my girlfriends.”

“Oh”

“I mean, I know I didn’t say I was coming or anything, I hope it’s cool. I just wanted to say hi, because, you know, they haven’t been in school for a while. I called here last week too, but no-one was home” Danny explained.

Margarita thought back to last Friday when she had left the house for half an hour to buy the still uneaten food that she thought her daughter might like. Katya obviously hadn’t felt the need to open the door.

“Is everything ok? I mean, are Trixie and Katya here? Are they safe?” they asked, looking slightly anxious.

“Katya is upstairs in her room. I think she should explain” Margarita said softly, “you go ahead, you know where to go.”

This feels weird Danny thought, climbing the stairs, there’s no Dolly music or horrific Russian ballet playing. They reached the top of the stairs and knocked tentatively on the bedroom door, opening it slightly when no response came from inside.

“Kats?” Danny questioned softly, spotting a mop of messy blonde hair on a pillow, “it’s me”

Rolling over in a pile of blankets to face the door, Katya opened her eyes, sitting up when she realised that it wasn’t her mother.

“Hi Dan” she mumbled, “what are you doing here?”

Danny moved to sit on the edge of the bed, “you haven’t been in school for weeks, Kats, and neither has Trixie. The last time we talked it was like, one in the morning and you were upset. I was worried.”

Katya felt a pang of guilt at the thought of bothering someone else with her problems. It’s not like she deserved any sympathy.

“Where’s Barbie?” Danny asked.

“Gone” Katya replied simply.

“What do you mean gone?” Danny’s eyebrows knitted together, trying to figure out what the hell was happening.

“She’s in Texas”

“Why? What the fuck is going on Katya?”

“Jesus Danny, I don’t know. My best fucking friend is gone to live with her bigoted, homophobic parents on a military base in Texas because they figured out that she isn’t a boring fucking straight, Christian, robot who does what she’s told when she’s told like we’re in the nineteenth century. And I don’t know how to function anymore and I haven’t showered in days and I can’t remember the last time I ate or changed or left the house or even fucking felt something” Katya blurted out, unable to restrain herself from vomiting out a string of words that gave an abbreviated, though somewhat accurate summary of the last few weeks.

“Ok, wow, Kats, you have to calm down for a second” Danny instructed, noticing how immediately laboured her breathing had become, “you have to breathe, babe,” they said, moving to sit next to Katya, coaxing deeper, slower breaths from her.

They sat together for a while, Danny’s arm around Katya’s shoulder as she leaned into her friend, copying a familiar breathing pattern that she had been through countless times with Trixie by her side.

“Honey, when was the last time you slept?” Danny asked quietly when they could finally get a closer look at Katya’s face, dark under eyes and red tinted pupils staring back at them.

“I don’t know. I nap here and there” Katya admitted, covering her own face with her hands and rubbing her eyes roughly.

Gripping her wrists gently, Danny met their friends gaze once more, “I want you to know that I say this with all my love”, they began, “but girl, you smell like shit.”

Smiling softly for the first time in weeks, Katya actually laughed, “you bitch, I smell how I feel.”

“Russian hooker?” Danny teased.

“Fuck off.”

“But seriously, this can’t be healthy, babe. You need to look after yourself first, then we can talk. Why don’t you shower and change and I’ll get food?” Danny bargained, hoping that they could get somewhere with Katya. It was blatantly evident that things in the Zamolodchikova household had gotten to a bad place.

Becoming more subdued again, Katya’s demeanour shifted from the momentary glimpse of her old self back into the depressed mess it had been a minute ago, “I don’t want to” she mumbled.

“I know it’s hard, honey, but I need you to try. You can’t live like this, it’s so far from healthy for you. And I’m worried.”

“No, Danny, I can’t” Katya reiterated, curling her legs into her chest.

“Why not, Kats? Just a quick shower, five minutes, I swear.” Danny pleaded.

“I don’t deserve it”

That sentence caught Danny off guard. They had never seen Katya like this and strongly doubted that she had ever behaved like this before.

“Katya, I really need you to hear what I am saying to you, that is bullshit. Whatever had happened to you, and whatever has happened to Trixie, nothing is bad enough to warrant you thinking that you don’t deserve to take care of yourself.” Danny said firmly.

“But –“

“No buts. None. If we’re going to help Trixie and work all this out, you need to have washed, eaten and slept. You’re not going to die on me now, Zamo, I’m too emotionally invested.”

Realising that fighting with Danny was going to get her nowhere, given that they were even more stubborn than she was, Katya nodded slowly and lifted herself out of bed.

“Easy peasy” Danny smiled, “five minutes in the shower and I’ll grab you clothes and order a pizza, ok?”

“Ok”

Danny was right. Ten minutes later and a damp-haired, exhausted-looking Katya opened the door to the bathroom, swamped in an oversized hoodie and a pair of leggings. She was wrapped in a tight hug as her friend took her hand and led her down the stairs, sitting her on the couch.

Margarita walked into the living room from the kitchen and looked as if she had seen a ghost. She gave Danny a look of awe and moved to give her daughter a quick hug before she could stop herself, needing some form of release for all the relief she felt.

“Can I get you anything, Любовь моя?” Margarita asked her daughter, who hadn’t descended the stairs in four days.

Katya just shook her head.

“Actually, Mrs Zamo, I kind of ordered a pizza for us and –“

“Oh, how much does it cost? Thirty, or forty, no, fifty dollars? Did you order enough? I can make something for you as well?” she rushed to grab fifty dollars from her purse.

“Twenty dollars will cover it, no problem. And don’t worry, I got plenty” Danny smiled.

“Thank you” Margarita mouthed.

Danny grinned back, returning to sit beside Katya, who looked as though she could fall asleep at any moment. She melted into her friend, curled into a tight ball desperate for the comfort that Danny’s presence brought her, where she stayed until Margarita came into the room with two large pizza boxes.

“I got veggie and plain cheese,” Danny said, opening up the cardboard and pulling a slice from one of the pizzas for themselves.

Reluctantly, Katya took a piece of vegetarian pizza and nibbled on the bottom of it, realising just how hungry she was, given that she was eating her first food item of the day at six thirty in the evening.

“So you want to explain to me what happened after Christmas?” Danny asked through a mouthful of crust, “because whatever is going on here is just not right. I’ve never seen you like this, Kats, no matter how bad of a day you’re having.”

Slowly but surely, Katya obliged, telling Danny about Mrs Mattel overhearing the messages read aloud from their group chat, Trixie talking about dying her hair and sleeping in Katya’s room. This all sounded completely normal to Danny, but they tried their best to comprehend the reaction that Trixie’s mother would have had to the situation. Katya strategically neglected any mention of kissing or sexuality, deciding that that was a conversation for another time. She then explained what had happened the following morning, Trixie feeling so ashamed that she had let her parents down by living a life that made her happy.

“So now Trixie is stuck somewhere in Texas without a phone or anything, and she doesn’t want to see me, or I don’t know, she thinks she should be there, I’m not sure. I can’t fix this.” Katya finished her sentence as she finished her third slice of pizza that she had unconsciously been eating as she spoke.

Danny took a minute to process all the information they had just received, but something just wasn’t sitting right. They could understand how Trixie had felt ashamed of herself while her parents were there, or even how she felt she needed to leave with them. Her parents had immense control over her once they were all in the same room together. What Danny couldn’t work out was how Katya, who was usually so energetic and enigmatic, had been reduced to a shell of herself, too depressed to function in her everyday life. They weren’t being shown the full picture but were hesitant in pushing for more answers.

“Ok, so Trixie chose to go with her parents?”

“No. Yes. I mean, not really. She told me she had to go. But that’s because they made her feel horrible about herself and her life.” Katya explained.

“Ok,” Danny paused for a minute, “and did something else happen to you in all this?”

Katya visibly tensed.

“Because, its just that the last time we talked, you called me and something was wrong, Katya, and you didn’t tell me what was going on. You promised you would talk to Trixie, did you?”

Katya shook her head slowly, recalling the slew of texts that had bombarded her phone that night when she couldn’t have piled even more of her shit on Trixie as if she hadn’t made her best friends’ life confusing enough without adding her abusive ex to the mix.

“I think you need to talk to me, babe. Something just isn’t right with you. Trixie being taken away, that’s awful, and we’ll figure out how to help her, but I don’t think that’s what caused all of this” Danny admitted, motioning to Katya herself, “and it’s scaring me how unhappy you are. You’re not ok” they finished, pulling nervously at the rip in the knee of their jeans.

Katya knew Danny was right, but it suddenly all felt too much for her to handle. The pizza wasn’t sitting well in her stomach and she had a funny taste in her mouth and her wet hair was damp on her back and Danny was asking too many questions and she felt disgusted that she had let herself give them this much information and she couldn’t stand herself any longer.

“You should go now, Danny, please. I don’t feel good. This pizza is making me sick.” Katya blurted, standing up from the couch and running towards the bathroom, locking the door firmly behind her.

Leaning over the toilet, she felt her stomach lurch. Look at yourself Katya thought, this is absolutely disgusting. You are so sick of yourself that you are physically vomiting. She could hear Danny knocking softly on the door, pleading with her to let them in.

You absolute fuck up, all you’re doing is hurting everyone around you.

She remained locked in the bathroom until she finally heard Danny leaving, fifty minutes later. Dragging herself up the stairs and back into her room, Katya took a long look at herself in the mirror before crawling under the mountain of dark blankets that had become her new home. She let her mind wander to the thought of her best friend, laying alone in a bed on the other side of the country, hurt and confused, all because of her.

Maybe if I’m lucky, I won’t wake up tomorrow morning, maybe this world will finally let me die.

#rpdr fanfiction #trixya #lost imp #trixie mattel #katya zamolodchikova #tw mentions of suicide #tw mentions of depression #submission #pink and purple lipstick #high school au #lesbian au

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