#Do I give a fuck? No 😌😌😌

[steddie-island]

My brain has been mean to me this week, then I got a stomach bug AND my brain was mean to me some more, so I’m going to spend money on books and bleach/ dye. Because I deserve it. 😌

#Also genuinely how do I not own everything Emily Antoinette has put out yet??? #Almost all of her MCs are plus sized #There’s queer rep #The covers are fucking FIRE #Like this is all right up my alley #Monster fucking #Monster romance #Do I have other books literally waiting for me in my mailbox? Yes #Do I give a fuck? No 😌😌😌

[theflyingfeeling]

💖 it's here, it's pink, it's sparkly, and full of fluff 💖

Hiiiiii and welcome to witness my attempt at an Olli/Allu Advent Calendar, in which I'll give you ~a cute little something~ about these two idiots in love almost every day until December 24! My plan is to use prompts from this list to either write a fic based on the prompt or just some good ol' delulu thoughts if all else fails. I cannot guarantee there'll be a post literally every day, but I'm really excited to try this out and I thank you for your support along the way in advance 💝

The biggest thanks and a million hugs go to one of my favourite human beings @kraeuterhexchen for making the adorable banner!! I mean helloooooo?? 😭 Go show them some love ❣️

For December 1, the prompt list is titled One True Pairing Moments, and the prompt I chose was 'calling just to hear their voice' 🥺 You can read the fic below, I hope you like it <3

.

PS. Even though this is an advent calendar of sorts, I'm not planning on making this particularly Christmassy. I hope no one minds terribly!

~

Falling for Aleksi had, in a way, sneaked up on Olli, at least if he fooled himself a little. He could pretend he didn’t feel any different about the man than he did about, say, Joonas or Tommi, but that strategy only worked for so long – that is to say, approximately until Aleksi as much as smiled softly at him from across a room or bumped his shoulder into his jovially when walking down the street and Olli would feel his breath getting caught in his throat or stumble in his words, his tongue tangled like shoelaces, which was so unlike him as well and frustrated him to no end. It really took a special kind of fool to not only develop some level of feelings for a friend, a colleague, a bandmate for Christ’s sake, but also become so hopelessly enamored with him that you rolled awake in bed in the dead of night, grabbing your phone and tossing it back on the nightstand again and again because you couldn’t decide whether or not you should, on some erratic 2 o’clock impulse, call him to let him know he was the very reason for your insomnia. 

Turning on his back, Olli groaned (only a little desperately) as he remembered losing himself in the lingering hug they had shared just before the arrivals lobby at the airport, inhaling Aleksi’s scent and wishing they wouldn’t have to go home just yet, even if Olli was more than ready to finally sleep in his own bed again. Ironically, ever since they had returned home from tour, Olli had spent night after sleepless night missing Aleksi terribly: his stupid jokes and playful banter that bordered on being flirtatious if Olli allowed himself the benefit of delusion; his quick, subtle smiles that probably meant nothing; his little touches Olli hoped meant something; his smell and his touch and the softness of his hair at the back of his neck, compared to which the blanket Olli was grasping in his fist was like sandpaper. (How he had come to know of the qualities of Aleksi’s hair in such detail, he preferred not to dwell on too much to save himself from the heartache, so let’s just leave it at ‘stressful, emotional week far away from home’ and ‘a little too much to drink’).

Above all, Olli missed Aleksi’s voice. He hadn’t even thought that was possible, until the other morning when Olli had woken up to a voice message Aleksi had left just hours earlier, rambling about a song idea he had gotten in the middle of the night – something he did from time to time – and Olli had spent the next several minutes replaying it over and over again as he had lied in bed procrastinating getting up and and instead closing his eyes to better imagine Aleksi lying there beside him, turned on his side to face Olli, talking to him sleepily like they often did when they shared a room on tour and were just too lazy to join others at breakfast. Much like the hug at the airport, Olli wished those moments would have lasted way longer than they did, often ending abruptly when either of their phones would go off with Santeri’s name on the screen, a passive-aggressive interruption to the soft, low tone of Aleksi’s early-morning thoughts. (Sometimes, when Olli was lucky enough, he had been blessed with the bliss of feeling the light touch of a fingertip tracing along his collarbone, cut short just as frustratingly by their well-meaning tour manager politely enquiring whether the two of them had plans of dragging themselves downstairs for some toast and coffee, or if they’d rather starve until lunchtime, for which he wasn’t at all sure they’d even have time that day.)

The lovesick idiot that he was, his thumb hovered over the ‘play’ button of Aleksi’s voice message, probably for the millionth time that week. The chest-carving hesitation turned into a heart flip when he noticed Aleksi was online.

Then Aleksi began to type, and Olli held his breath the entire time until a new message appeared in the thread, anticipation holding him by his throat.

You awake?

Olli exhaled and typed his affirmative reply, leaving out the reason why.

He blinked at the screen, waiting for Aleksi to ask him a random question that clearly couldn’t wait until morning, or perhaps talk about something related to another late-night Twitch stream (from what Olli had gathered, Aleksi had been doing a lot of those recently, and with his last remaining braincell Olli had managed to resist the temptation to watch every single one of them, because he knew that if he did, it would only dig his grave of pining and longing deeper, seeing Aleksi smile and giggle about but not being able to do that with him or snuggle up next to him when he was wearing that flannel Olli often used as a blanket in the tour bus). But instead of another text appearing on the screen, Olli’s phone began to vibrate in his hand, and it took him an embarrassingly long while to understand it was because Aleksi was calling him. 

“Hi,” he sighed when he finally collected himself enough to speak. He prayed he’d be able to hear what Aleksi was going to say from the thumping heartbeat echoing in his ears.

“Hi,” a soft voice said. “Sorry, I know it’s late…”

“No, not at all,” Olli hurried to say, “I mean, I wasn’t sleeping. Not even close, actually.” Part of him hoped Aleksi wouldn’t ask about it, but in some foolhardy way the possibility intrigued him. 

Nothing much, he would have likely said anyway, but what would happen if he told Aleksi how it really was? That he squeezed his pillow imagining it was him instead, or wailed into it because something had reminded him of a moment-that-was-probably-not-a-Moment™ they had shared? What would Aleksi say if he knew Olli sometimes touched himself the way Aleksi had touched him That One Night they never talked about? The only obstacle between Olli and that knowledge was a bottomless ocean of cold sweat and cowardice, and Olli had never been a great swimmer.

“So, ummm…,” Olli said when Aleksi’s end stayed silent. “What’s up?”

A short breath of laughter sounded through the phone line.

“Honestly? I don’t know, I… It’s just been a… weird week, I guess.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, like… my head’s just been so full of… everything and… I’ve been so busy and kinda tense and… fuck, this is going to sound crazy,” Aleksi laughed that brief laugh again, although to Olli it didn’t sound particularly cheerful. Tired, more like. Strained, somehow. Not sad, but definitely a little troubled, and Olli intended to find out why.

“I’m all for crazy, you know.” Olli hoped his sorry attempt to lighten Aleksi’s mood would work, and so he smiled in relief when he heard Aleksi chuckle at his comment.

“I know,” Aleksi said softly, in that tone of voice that had Olli melt against his bedsheets. “So yeah, it’s been a rough week, but… in between all that stupid shit, I’ve been thinking a lot about… umm… well, the tour and– and… about you, for some reason,” (the troubled laugh made its return) “and… yeah. That’s sort of helped me a lot recently.”

Olli listened to the words carefully, not fully believing what he was hearing, yet clinging on to them until they were all but swirling around in his otherwise empty head like dry leaves in October wind.

“And tonight I just couldn’t fucking sleep for some reason and nothing I did seemed to help and so I thought I’d call you. And I’m–” If it hadn’t been dead silent otherwise, Olli wouldn’t have heard the shaky breath Aleksi paused to take, “I’m sorry I’m calling you at this hour and bothering you with this all but I guess I just… wanted to hear your voice. To see if that would help.”

“Does it?” Olli asked. Aleksi’s confession had made him clasp his blanket close to his chest, as if that would do anything about his rapidly beating heart.

“Yeah. It does. So maybe just… keep talking?”

Despite his mind living a life of its own, completely unfit to form a single coherent thought, for Aleksi’s sake Olli tried his best to think of something to say, but everything he came up with was something he was not ready to tell him quite yet. 

“Uuummmm…” he said to buy himself some time, but while he waited for his useless brain and mouth to form any actual words, Aleksi spoke again.

“Fuck, I’m– I’m sorry, this is too weird, I shouldn’t have– I’ll let you go back to–”

“I miss you,” Olli blurted before Aleksi would hang up on him. He squeezed his eyes shut when Aleksi went silent, too silent for too long for it to mean any good.

The line stayed open, however, which Olli took as a positive sign, even if the seconds during which all Olli could hear was Aleksi's quiet breathing seemed endless.

“And I you,” Aleksi finally replied. “A little too much, probably, or at least that’s what it feels like,” he chuckled. Olli almost missed the quiet sniff that followed.

He had to steel himself for his next question.

“What do you mean?”

“Just… forget it.” Aleksi said quietly. Contrary to Aleksi’s request, Olli knew he was going to all but ‘forget it’ for the next 3-5 business days; mentally he booked all his evenings as well as most of his mornings and noons for pondering what exactly had been in Aleksi’s mind in that moment or why he had sounded so sombre, almost disappointed. He’d probably never come to any satisfactory conclusion about it though, at least not without a little help from Aleksi himself. 

A ridiculous idea popped into his head, and before he could stop himself, the words flooded out of his mouth.

“Do you wanna come over some time? To hang out? When your schedule’s a little less tight, I mean.” He sucked on his lips and closed his eyes as he waited for Aleksi’s answer, ready to hang up the moment he’d decline the offer on some obvious and logical reason for why Aleksi couldn’t possibly make nor want to take a trip to the north to see him, such as ‘didn’t we just spend over two months on the road together?’ or ‘damn, buddy, I miss you alright but not quite that much, I’ve done enough sitting in public transportation for one year, thank you very much lol’ or ‘what about Rilla?’

“You could take Rilla with you, you know.” Olli hurried to say, just in case, the deranged part of his brain thinking there might be a chance Aleksi might be at least considering it.

“Oh! Well, umm… I actually might have time next week? If– if you’re actually being serious about this.”

Funny you should ask, Aleksi; I’ve actually never been more serious about anything in my entire life than I am about having you here with me so that I can hold you and be held by you and see your face when I wake up in the morning and say goodnight to your annoyingly cute face instead of via text message and maybe, if the stars are in position and the northern wind won’t discourage me too much, I might actually be brave enough to torment you with the knowledge of just how miserable I’ve been since we last saw each other.

“I think it would be cool,” he said, because he had a feeling what he wanted to say would’ve been a tad too much and sudden. “I mean, if you’re up for it, of course. I understand if you can’t make it though, I know you have all those side projects.”

“No, I think it might actually do me some good to get out of the capital area for change.” Then there was a muffled ‘ouch’, followed by a laugh that sounded much brighter than any of the other ones Olli had heard from Aleksi that night. “Sorry, correction, it might do us some good. Rilla just told me she’s most definitely coming too. Rilla, stop nibbling on my toes!”

Olli smiled tiredly at the mental image that was painted in his mind of Aleksi and Rilla cuddling in bed, both minding their own business from what it seemed while still minding each other as well, very much indeed.

“I’ll be sure to set up a bed for her in the guest room.”

“The guest room? Do you not know her at all? If she’s not getting the master bedroom, she’ll ruin all your rugs and most of your shoes. Probably also gossip about you to all the neighbourhood dogs. And she’s brutal.”

Olli held his stomach as he laughed, tears almost forming in the corners of his eyes. In his defence, it was late and he was finally becoming tired, thus too far gone to help himself, let alone feel embarrassed about being in stitches about something Aleksi had said that was only mildly amusing. (It wasn’t the first time that had happened either, and likely not the last time.)

“So yeah, ummm, I can take a look at some flight options for next week and let you know, alright? I’m gonna let you sleep now and… I should get some myself too.”

Olli wanted to tell Aleksi he’d love to stay up chatting until dawn, but the yawn he let out when he opened his mouth to speak implied Aleksi had a point.

“Yeah, let me know. And… thanks for calling, I… you have no idea how much I needed this tonight.”

That was as close to a confession as Olli was able to get as of now.

“Probably not half as much as I did.”

Olli chuckled at Aleksi’s response, mostly to hide his own agony.

If only you knew. If only I knew how to tell you.

It didn’t take long for Olli to doze off after they hung up, and when he woke up to the kids from next door having a snowball fight under his window in the morning, he noticed new messages from Aleksi, sent half an hour after their phone call had ended, complete with screen captions of airplane schedules.

Would these days work for you? I might be free all week actually 😇

Olli cuddled into his pillow while typing his reply, hoping it wouldn’t wake up Aleksi.

yeah I’m free as well. I’ll pick you two up from the airport 🖤

From then on, Olli started counting the days until he’d see Aleksi again.

#blind channel fanfiction #blind channel rpf #ollixallu #24 days of gift-giving by theflyingfeeling #<- that's the tag i'll be using for these btw #everyone stop and look at the banner!! 🥺💖 #it's not QUITE like the original one ju made first but maybe one day you'll get to see that masterpiece as well 😏 #but ooff the way i've gone from having 'a plan' to having 'a better plan' to having 'no plan whatsoever' with this? 😂 #so yeah idk what kinda fics/posts there'll be in this series... stay tuned and see for yourself! 🤭 #some of them might be in the same universe/plot. others may not. who knows? not i 😌 #(...but as you can see from this fic the door for a multiple-part story is definitely open 👀) #some of the fics may not even be based on a prompt though if i'm not feeling like it. honestly i'm curious to see how this will turn out! #(and if this ends up being the only post i ever make that's alright too! i refuse to bully myself with a hobby i'm doing for free <3) #however: i'm not taking requests per say BUT feel free to snoop on the prompts for each day and send me your ideas or hopeful wishes 👀 #there are certain ones i'm more drawn to but i haven't really set anything in stone #one could say i'm just going with the flow. fuck around and find out if you will ✨ #also: not sure if/when i'll be bothered to post any of these on ao3 #probably i'll just see how many fics i manage to actually finish and dump them all at once on ao3 on christmas day lol #anyway! enjoy & let me hear from you <3

[chiyoso]

can someone

make me cry again with fics

the last time i cried really hard to a fic was @ teapartyspilled's two-part lyney angst, idk where she is but i miss her so much

recommend me some, i wanna cry and i want my heart to be moved

#— Whispers Against The Void •• #so i can yknow get inspired again 😌 #like i just dont want to pout ':(' i wanna full on cry and let it impact me hnn #smut this smut that GIVE ME TEARS ‼️‼️‼️ #nothing wrong with smut i just want something else to ache instead of my #wait... i didnt really get to finish tojikai's series huh... ugh fuck FREE TIME WHEREEEEEE #I WANT MY FREE TIME BACK HOW DO YOU ADULTS DO IT

[wulfhalls]

I'm sorry but the HOTTEST scene with dameon surprisingly wasn't him chopping off vaemonds head but being the alpha and stepping in between jace & almond. Not allowing anyone to touch his wife & kids. When I tell you how many times I've watched that scene and felt some things... and that little smile he gave to his wife like " yeah, your baby daddy did that" I need some more almond & dameon interaction like pls help 😭😭

that truly was the single hottest thing anyone has ever done not only on this show but possibly any show

#also rhaenyra was like daemon i need u to leave as well immediately otherwise i will fuck u on this table right this very second #jace daemon dad and son duo picking up enormous steam rn #would have been even better/worse if id been luke to make the foreshadowing even more suicide inducing haha #asks #hotd #daemon giving do u see me stepping up babe!! told ur dad to secure lukes claim killed a guy now this 😌😌 im so ride or die babe 😌🥰

[jess-abides]

Aaaanyway, rant from yesterday aside, I kicked ass at the gym this morning and will continue to do so bc it’s worth it.

#I told my trainer abt the ozempic offer and he was so sweet and validating 🥹😭 #I’ve been fairly honest w him about food shit without like making him my therapist lol #and he’s v proud of my progress so far #anyway he said he tells everyone to give fit a year before they decide to do something else #most people won’t make it the year but ‘you’re not most people’ #🥹🥹🥹 #after his initial reaction of ‘honestly fuck that; you’ve been putting in the work; prove them wrong’ #so that’s what I’m gonna do 😌😌😌

[time-is-restored]

also i feel like this image needed an update,

#ted lasso spoilers #this is literally just me being toxic but #actually can’t believe they were like ‘we care abt racism 😌 we care abt homophobia 😌 we care abt sexism 😌 we see #u and we care 😌’ -> ‘LMFAO PSYCH GET FUCKED’ #a 3/3 100% misfire rate. how can u even do that on accident #like you guys couldn’t even get ur fucking. straight white male characters to the finish line without fucking them up #who the fuck looked at the outline of this season and went ‘no i think we can make Even More pathetic + disingenuous overtures of giving #a shit. this will go well’ #sorry nate. sorry sam. sorry colin. sorry trent. #sorry keeley. and god. shandi im so fucking sorry :( #at least ur free now. at least ur all free. #ted lasso critical

[quadrantadvisor]

My headcanon about Richard Simmons is that he has a few beliefs that he struggles with, including, but not limited to: toxic masculinity, puritanical ideals about work and worth, internalized homophobia, general queerphobia, etc., etc. And that trying to reconcile those beliefs with his own feelings of inadequacy and his place in the wider world causes him constant mental suffering for many, many years. And that dealing with that suffering and trying to compensate for his own self-loathing and hypocrisy makes him act like an absolute ass.

And then one day there's enough evidence, there's enough understanding of the people in his life, there's enough budding respect for himself that the switch just. Flips. And he's like "wait none of that fucking matters."

The thing about Simmons is that he doesn't do anything halfway, when he believes in something he gives 100%.

What I think is funny about that is, from an outside perspective, one day Simmons is trying (and failing) to do """locker room chat with the boys""" and the next day he's read 7 books on queer theory and he's haughtily telling people that their gendered language is reductive. Like everyone knew he was in denial but there were NO SIGNS that he was getting over it whatsoever, he is Just Suddenly Like This and trying to pretend that if he ever said something that wasn't socially progressive no he didn't.

Like he's still overcompensating for something and he's still kind of an asshole about it but now it's even funnier. To me and maybe also Donut. For the rest of the cast it is the most confusing day of their lives.

#And of course Grif contrasts this because they are pleasantly contrasting in everything ❤️ #rather than his actions being dictated by his internal beliefs Grif keeps his standards purposefully malleable #if you have no standards you can't dissappint yourself anymore #and if you never give other people a reason to believe in you you can't dissappint them either 😌 #basically grif has a very rich internal life and self and he likes to consider many sides of any situation #but he doesn't want other people to know about that because he needs to protect his true self from scrutiny or judgement #because he's sure that no matter what he's measured against he'll come up short #all this rambling to say that really grif is much more changeable than simmons but he doesn't do it on a fucking dime lol #it's a gradual thing of tentative consideration #not being dragged around kicking and screaming by his own denial addled brain until he finally reaches somewhere with solid footing #anyways my point is grif has no fucking clue what to make of this #he's asking Lopez if Sarge made today opposite day just to fuck with him #he likes things to be predictable and if he doesn't know what's up with Simmons #who is His Guy Who He Knows #then what the FUCK is happening and what's he supposed to do about it how is he supposed to react in this situation #he doesn't have a standard reaction for this and it's fucking him up #my rambles #i really have no idea if this post is anything 😂 #grif and simmons specifically are like such special characters to me in that I am like #I UNDERSTAND you #but idk if anyone else thinks about them the same way or if I'm articulating myself #but whatever I had to get the words out of my brain #rvb #grimmoms

[jensensitive]

the idea of a kripke spn continuation manages to give me anxiety every day, i wish i was normal

#it just feels so inevitable 😭 #let the hellers make it or i swear to god 😭 #i can only hope that he doesn't want to #otherwise it's going to happen 😭 #I'm sad #i can't for the life of me understand why anyone would want this #given what he did with Frenchie and Kimiko and the way he talks about dean #and said that he made soldier boy do things he always wanted to make dean do #is Dean smoking really that important to you as a viewer #that you would let his characterization be regressed to season five #and have him say gross sexist racist homophobic shit again #why would anyone want that #it haunts me every day #and i can only imagine Jensen is going to realize this too at some point #when he reads something kripke wrote and goes well fuck that's not dean #because he and dean both have grown past kripke's vision of who dean is #it is distressing #i know I'm being a baby about it but i need my dean and cas back :( #and he can't give me that #okay done worrying about this now it's not happening until it's happening 😌

[im-still-watching-anime]

i’ve been meaning to change my header to bsd for forever because i LOVE bsd but yall are really gonna tell me all about the new minato thing right as im about to finally go for it and stop me AGAIN?? yall cannot do this to me im literally never going to get over minato and kushina

#they continue to be THE canon naruto couple #shikamaru and temari are also Very Good but gotta be real i personally like minato and kushina a bit more #why do series always give the best lady characters good relationships #like yeah good for them and im happy and all #but bruh i wanted to make them lesbians and now im too attached to her actual sweet straight romance to do that #offensive honestly #also just kills me not to have bsd represented upfront #so i have been meaning to change the header for FOREVER #but couldn’t decide an image for it #BUT i took note of a few while ive been rereading the manga so i was gonna pick one #but now im TORN #because god i really fucking love minato and kushina #and i like that naruto in my icon ends up between them on mobile #little family😌😌 #also the soundtrack of that moment in particular is one of my absolute favorites and i love Many parts of narutos soundtrack #also i just firmly believe that minato and kushina were one of the absolute MOST well written parts of the series #ughh having an internal war over my silly little fictional stories #I’ll probably still end up changing it maybe possibly

[fyodorkitkat]

I've changed my mind. I enjoy seeing Sigma in distress 🙏

#sorry sorry sorry sorry i know i said one thing and now im flip flopping but fuck #im an awful person okay 🙃 #i do still want to wrap them in a blankie and give them the world though but pls understand i feel that way about Fyodor too so.....😌🙏 #bsd spoilers

[bylertruther]

sitting here cramming before my test in three hours and wondering two things:

1) why does god inflict such intense suffering on the innocent (making me study for ochem)

2) why are so many by|ers in stem, specifically bio and chemistry omg... hashtag hivemind 🧠 (i mean it makes sense bc by|er are science nerds but omg... any time someone gets an anon asking what field they're in or studying it's always bio or some other science field lmao)

#im not rly here yet but i need a break or else my brain will actually snap in half so0o0o 🙃 🤪 ✌️ #my transcript is so sexy and then ... and then there are my chem grades.... 😭😭😭😭 GODDDDD #nothing makes me want to fuck off and quit more than chemistry bro i hATEEE ITTTTTTT SO FUCKING BAD 😭 #this shit got me sitting here like i should've just finished my elementary ed degree. wouldve been making pennies but at least i wouldnt #be doing ochem and growing white hairs every time i look at an ir spectrum. BSHDHDBDB #all As in my bio classes and then a measly 70% in ochem tht is 100% going to drop soon. kmskmskmskmskmskms #(not literally but there is nothing more cathartic than kms srry. 😔 shshshsjsnshs) #n i kno i have time still to get it up but that does not cancel out the horror that is ochem. @god bro HELP MEEEEE GIVE ME MORE BRAIN CELLS #but anyway. enuf shaking my fist at the sky n wailing like a baby. time 2 go suffer n stress n cry n shake n sweat n so on n so forth ✌️😌