#He wanted to he part of Aegon's little trio so bad! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

a-song-for-ages · 1 year

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(Left out Daemon and the kid's because the app didn't let me put in more than 10 pics oops)

From top to bottom, right to left:

1. Joffrey Velaryon

The youngest of the velaryon/targaryen group, who would follow Mats around and usually get him in trouble because - "yOu tOoK a bAbe tO a wHoReHoUse??!?!??!?!?!"

Mats learned how to be a loving dad mainly by watching (and understanding - now that he was old enough to understand that little Joff's head was nOT hard as a dragon's egg) Laenor interact with Joff - in fact, Mats was the first Velaryon/Targaryen to hold Joff. (I lied, it was actually Luke because he really wanted to hold Joff and Rhaenyra couldn't say no to him. But according to Laenor, it was Mats who held him first.)

2. Lucera Velaryon

Sweet little Luke's not so sweet (albeit little) sister. A terror. Lives for getting into trouble. Main instigator (after Aegon) for bullying Aemond - but it wasnt personal, seeing as Luce was the only daughter and bullied everyone around her. (All the boys are scared of her.)

Luce was a little more receptive to what she should and should not be doing - say, like, following Mats in the middle of the night to go to a whorehouse. That doesn't mean she didn't follow him. She just went in knowing what the repercussions of her getting caught would be.

She and Mats are - not mirrors, but they have that wild streak that Daemon has. Though, Luce loses a bit of that wild streak when she grows up - and she ultimately becomes a little more, lady like (Rhaena's influence - and also because she burned off that extra fire and urge for destruction when she'd climb her dragon and set him off on a hunt for food.)

3. Lucerys Targaryen

The youngest of the OG trio (Jace, Mats, Luke). He's the little brother who Mats just knows has potential - and like Jace, he tends to be just a little more nurturing to Luke (talking about that swordfighting scene), and not because he knows Lucera will come after and gut him, but because he honestly finds Luke's gentleness and softness (minus that part where Luke stole Aemond's eye) endearing.

Luke, to Mats, is the best of all of the Velaryon/Targaryen children.

But that doesn't mean Mats coddles him. Oh no. Mats shirks all of his duties and hands it to Luke, stating, "You may feel honoured, little brother."

Luke and Mats' relationship is a further - "if you were dying, and if it was because of something that you did... then I would wait until the last possible minute to save you. And if you were dying, and if it was because of something that you didn't do... then I would have Auraxes chase after you for your stupidity."

4. Rhaenyra Targaryen

So. You know how Daemon and Rhaenyra were like, Viserys's bIGGEST (political) headaches?

Yeah, Matarys Velaryon is karma coming to bite Rhaenyra (and only Rhaenyra's) ass.

Because here he is - her second son, set to inherit Driftmark and set to marry Rhaena. And he just goes, "No. I don't want or need any of that. In fact, what I need is to explore Dorne and Essos and Asshai. So, bye!"

Like this little fucker just does what he wants and Rhaenyra just. Cannot. Discipline him. No matter how much she tries. And Viserys is off in the side giggling because - he's just like you. (A bit like Aegon too - "I've no taste for duty! I'm not suited!" Except he looks hot as hell doing his duty. Which he believes is to be the Menace to the Realm - "kind of like how Daemon is to Grandfather!")

But boy does Rhaenyra love her son - even if he is too much like (the bad parts of) her. He is still her son, and she sees his loyalty to his blood and family - and she just. She sees him. And Mats knows this and he - sees - her. (And Harwin lol).

5. Jacaerys Velaryon

Fucking hell have you ever seen two sons, born close together interact?

They're a mess.

Mats is always down for doing the dishonorable, aesthetic thing, like burning an abandoned tower, "Just to see how long it'll burn!" while Jace is just like, "STOP! DES-TROYING! THINGS!"

Jace honestly hopes that Mats will one day grow up. And Mats is just like, "hmm, no thank you, dear brother of mine." And then Jace just explodes and turns red because "why is it that I must be cursed with you?" and Mats is just "because if you were not cursed with me then I fear your life would be oh so terribly boring."

But ultimately - these two boys... with Jace's anger and sensitivity to being called bastard, and Mats' eagerness for a fight/anything to get his blood pumping... you can sense that some real shit's about to go down between them and the Green Boys. (Not Mats giggling at calling the opposition "greens" because "they're green boys who know nothing of war!" and Daemon laughs at that but no one else because Mats, while a little rogue-like, is greener than them.)

#oc: matarys velaryon #oc: lucera velaryon #wip: dragon's wroth

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dumpster-fire-again · 4 years

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Okay y'all want full targ restoration au? Imagine a story with Rhaenys lives and raised by the Sand Snakes AND instead of Aegon living/Jon joining them give me a bastard Targaryen from either Aerys or Rhaegar combine it with Gendry's botched storyline of being a nobody raised to the throne...

Imagine the idea of this child (Let's call him Jaehaeron, after Jaehaerys I and Daeron II who are considered to be some of the best Targaryen kings). Jaehaeron, grew up a street rat (maybe we'll employ some of the Young Griff storyline and have him be a member of the Golden Company or have him be a sell sword with Daario) and knows the struggle of being lower class and fighting for a way to make something of himself. He's never had a family, anyone he's ever cared about he's lost, either to disease infighting, to the law etc. He's learned that he's just one of those people who doesn't get to be in a family.

Imagine him not knowing who he is, never known family and never wanting any, but he meets Daenerys. He joins her because he believes in her and her cause. He knows what it's like to fight for yourself but he wants to learn how to fight for those who can't do it themselves, and she seems like the right person to learn from. Daenerys knows the minute she sees him. Maybe she dreamt it, maybe she could see the ghost of her brother's in him, maybe blood just calls to blood. In any case, of course she hesitates at first to let him know. She gathers evidence from spies around the world, she studies his intentions/ his mannerisms/ his very heart to make sure that he's not like Viserys. And he's not, he's the first sign of home she's had in a long time. And she becomes his first taste of it, essentially granting him saftey to love people and not get killed over it.

Imagine Rhaenys training with the Snakes, surrounded by home and family, but still feeling like something is missing. Imagine her Uncle Oberyn bringing her news of Daenerys in Meereen. At first she's guilty for wanting to know her but Oberyn reassures her that no one can have too much family, in fact Daenerys across the sea might have too little. So she sets off, with the assurance that the full weight of Dorne is behind her. Imagine her meeting Daenerys, matching title for title and after the following silence grows to be too much Daenerys launches down from her seat and Rhaenys just knows that she's gained another sister. After hearing Jaehaeron's story she just gathers him up in her arms and bawls. While he can't replace Aegon, the hole in her chest labeled brother does shrink a little.

They work flawlessly together. Jaehaeron walks Rhaenys through life in Essos, maybe sprinkles in a little bit of personal stories. Dany and Rhae pour over the Targaryen history and tentatively start making plans for Valyria. Jay pretends to be not paying attention (he is) and he and Dany agree on most things and he actually sits in on a lot of her meetings with her citizens. They all have moments of impulsivity tempered with control, but generally Jaehaeron tends to be the patient one, he tends to wait for all the information to make a final decision. Daenerys has her ideals and her determination to make it happen. Rhaenys is very action oriented but also is aware that forgiveness can sometimes go a longer way than retribution.

He and Rhae both teach Daenerys how to fight. She comes out fighting best with an Arakh, which means after they teach the basics they bring in one of Daenerys' remaining Dothraki to teach her while they learn from Grey Worm (Missandei being taught as well) but generally the stick with the tools of their trades.

Daenerys introduces them to Viserion and Rhaegal and tells them of Drogon. As they grow closer to each other, they do so towards the dragons as well. You'd think Rhaenys would be drawn to Rhaegal but Rhaenys barely remembers her father so it's actually Viserion who she bonds with. In the right light his scales remind her of the sands of Dorne, his fire of the light that filtered through the tent she shared with the snakes, his eyes of each piece of gold she earned from their battles and conquests, and while she never knew Viserys she's not gonna let something like a bad namesake keep her from her dragon. Jaehaeron just thinks that Rhaegal exists to hate him. He shows no sign of interest towards Jay, so much so that it almost gives him a complex about not being a "true" Targaryen. But Jay is persistent. He's there whenever he can be, he's always the one to bring Rhaegal his meals, eventually he's able to get close enough to stroke the neck of Rhaegal and when they look into each other's eyes Jaehaeron realizes that it's not hatred or indifference, it's loneliness that's keeping Rhaegal from bonding with him. From then on Jay is in the line up the pyramid every day, to ask Dany to release the dragons from their cells.

Imagine if when Dany leaves on Drogon Tyrion does not start running things, Jay and Rhaenys do. Rhae judging from her experience and compassion, Jaehaeron from his knowledge on the ground and instincts. They take Tyrion's advice into account but also Missandei's, Grey Worm's, even Oberyn's opinions. Imagine Rhaenys truly getting to know the people, and slowly but surely she starts to fall in love with this land. Imagine Jay training the Meereeneans(?) Because the need to and because he doesn't want to see a single one of his citizens helpless. They follow in Dany's footsteps, ruling as she would, so when the slavers siege (because of course they would) the Targ's are ready for them. When Daenerys returns with the Dothraki she's met with her sister at the head of the Sand Snakes and the soldiers of Dorne. She sees her brother riding with the Second Sons and the Golden Company (who are now convinced honor is as good as gold). The battle for Meereen was over before it began, especially after the dragons join the fray. As soon as it's over Jaehaeron and Rhaenys are ecstatic (and also demand Dany teaches them how to ride).

Imagine if it's Oberyn who brings Olenna to Dany and her cause, and Yara knows Jay from years back so she's even more confident for her cause when she sees him at Daenerys' side. During her time away they managed to comission armor for the dragons and their riders. When Daenerys sets sail for Westeros her siblings are by her side, her dragons are safe above them, her best friends are at her back, and she has some of the wisest minds advising her (including/excluding Tyrion depending on how you feel about him). They have the Dothraki, the Unsullied, a decent amount of Ironborn, the Second Sons(with or without Daario depending on yada yada....), the Golden Company, and the whole Dornish army. They stayed long enough for the new Meereen Guard to have been sufficiently and leaders put in place. The citizen's hearts are behind their Targaryens and they know if they ever even fear trouble they will fly back to assure them.

Imagine that they do take King's Landing first. The dornish get the majority of the lower town evacuated before the gold cloaks even notice. The dragons decimate the scorpions early on, with only glancing blows thanks to the armor. Even the wildfire Cersei throws out as a last resort doesn't stop them and as the trio makes their way to the throne room they have to walk past the what little is left of Cersei's forces. They decide to pardon every soldier who bends the knee, the rest are set to work rebuilding the damage of the siege. Cersei is sentenced to execution, via dragonfire where the Sept of Baelor once stood.

Imagine that the Iron Throne does melt, but only enough to shape into a bench. Just like in Meereen, however this one is long enough to seat three. No arguments, no hesitation, the Targaryens work better as a family anyway.

They rule as one. They leave a small council in charge of King's Landing and set off to the rest of Westeros. They do meet some resistance but no one is strong enough to stand against them, and honestly after meeting them and hearing their vision no one even wants to. Then there's the north.

Depending on how anti stark you are you can visualize the war for the dawn however you like. But imagine them hearing through Jon's story, taking a stealth mission to observe the white walkers themselves. Imagine that in addition to granting them access to Dragonstone they also command soldiers from each kingdom. (Jon is... commanding troops? Attempting to make an alliance that doesn't have him bending the knee) Imagine a fleet of red Priestesses, giving their fire to each soldier (not just the dothraki cause why not??), Jorah fighting with Missandei and Grey Worm, and hiding Bran at the starks head table (which reminds us of Ned and how long it's been for all of them). Imagine not housing the innocents in the crypt (cause they have common sense) and actually send them to the godswood to be protected by some of their own soldiers but also Jay overhead on Rhaegal. Imagine Rhaenys on the front lines with Viserion lighting her way (no walker proof storyline=no Viserion death win-win). Imagine Danerys cutting the wights of from behind, and when spotting the night king she goes to meet him. (However you view the show end to the NK/the prince who was promised prophecy this is gonna Dany, sorry).

Imagine Jaehaeron fighting like hell for Winterfells innocents, dancing through the fire almost as though he's a part of it. Nothing seems to touch him. Imagine Rhaenys cutting through wights like paper, grinning from ear to ear cause she's riding on the battle high and the strength of the Sand Snake around her. Imagine that when Drogon's fire doesn't work, the Night King throws a sword into Dany's child's chest. She pulls it out of his chest plate(again thank you armor) and Drogon lights it ablaze. She meets the monster for blow. Seeing her in danger both Jaehaeron and Rhaenys make their way to her. Imagine the Night King dealing her a viscous blow but getting knocked down by a spear from Rhae and kept distracted by Jay. They give Dany enough time to stab the so called king in the back (mirroring when her father was lost and their kingdom was officially lost to them; all these years later her family is remade and the kingdom is theirs again). As Jon sees them from the remains of the wights, let's pretend no r+l=j or at least he doesn't know and if he found out there's no way he gets enough support to take the throne from them or feel the need to. He decides to bend the knee, only to find that the Targaryens don't really plan on keeping the kingdoms together, as they were anyway.

Being rulers does have its share of problems, especially as they dissolve the country into something more democratic but they make it work. One of them is always in Kings Landing, even with Rhaenys' frequent trips to Dorne and Meereen, Jaehaeron's explorations of Essos and his quest to rebuild Valyria, and Daenerys' continues mission to make every land truly free. They always make time for their people and each other.

And so while Daenerys is the Mother of Dragons she is also the Hero of the People, Rhaenys is the Fierce Queen from Dorne, and Jay is declared Jaehaeron the Fortunate and he cannot find reason to disagree. They each have their titles, their armies, their stories. But they also have each other. After all, the dragon has three heads.

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petersthree · 5 years

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All right after like 2 freaking years and like 5 unanswered headcanon requests in my inbox I’m going right ahead and giving you what literally no one asked for: shitposts of The Afterlife Squad(TM):

Robert, Ned, and Rhaegar are like, almost always together. Or, more like, Robert and Rhaegar are constantly arguing and following Ned around asking him what he thinks.

Rhaegar suddenly looooooves Ned because he knows Ned kept Jon safe and Ned is just like *side eyes* “I didn’t do it for you you dildo” but he also can’t say anything so whenever Robert asks why Rhaegar cares about Ned’s opinion Ned just kind of sighs and shrugs and says maybe it’s his punishment and Rhaegar gets this evil grin on his face and goes “You’ll see”.

This inevitably gets Robert pissed. “See what, you asshole?” and out breaks a new bit of arguing. Ned is tired(TM) and no one else in the afterlife will talk to them.

Cat comes through for a hot second and Ned is super excited but then just like that she’s gone and Beric Dondarrion is in her place and they just stare at each other.

Ned: “Well. This sucks.”

When Robb and Rickon both come through Ned hugs them ofc and they have a nice moment and then he just goes “Okay now go before they get here.”

“What? Father, I just got here and you want me to go? We have so much to catch up on!”

Ned, who is having war flashbacks to Robert and Rhaegar arguing about lapels for 5 hours: “Trust me. You Don’t Want This.”

Someone said that the two days Jon was in the afterlife he and Robb did tequila shots and honestly? Canon.

They love watching what’s happening down below!! Robert didn’t talk to Ned for a blissful 2 months after finding out about Jon but then Gendry and Arya just had to sleep together and Robert was suddenly buddy-buddy with him again about how they were going to join their houses.

Arya rejecting Gendry’s proposal: Robert was screaming, yelling about how this made no sense, and dammit why did Ned raise his daughter like this?

Ned, softly: Oh thank god

Watching Jon and Dany is #rough and Robert keeps being so righteously smug about everything and Ned and Rhaegar are suffering

“Ha, the Targaryen queen is mad after all. I should have killed her when I had the chance, shouldn’t I, Ned?” “Hey, that’s my sister, you prick, she’s being a Targaryen it doesn’t make sense for her to be this mad she hasn’t shown the signs!”

Ned & Robert in unison: “Shut up Rhaegar.”

Ned: “.......but yes he’s right this doesn’t make sense.”

Ned multiple times watching his children s5-8: *looks out window in the afterlife* ‘Did I somehow end up watching the badly written play Arya was watching?’

Ned in the finale, watching his children come into strong positions: *holds up Westerosi equivalent of a camera and multiple signs* I Love My Children

Also lmao Robb and Rickon. Robb is Sansa’s biggest cheerleader and he Loves Jon greatly but by god does he get frustrated with him.

“No, Jon, this is - NO! LISTEN. TO. SANSA. Holy fuck Jon thank the gods I didn’t legitimatize yo-SHE’S YOUR AUNT YOU - JON! JON!”

When Sansa gets crowned he literally tears up and starts shouting “Queen in the North!” and won’t shut up about Sansa and everyone’s like, Okay, Damn, We Get It(TM)

Rickon: “Hey Robb! I love Sansa too but oh my god. Shut up!”

Robb, wearing a “Proud Brother of Sansa Stark” t-shirt and slowly lowering his Queen In The North signs with Sansa’s face on them: “Sorry, have I been mentioning that Sansa became queen in the North? I guess I didn’t notice haha.”

Rickon’s response to everything in season 8: “Hahahaha this is fucking dumb.”

Rickon was bitter when Viserion died bc he became a wight but then Rhaegal died and everyone else was shocked and Rickon is jumping up and down because fuck yeah time to ride a dragon in the afterlife.

I feel like meeting the significant others would be super fun??? Like Margaery is there and she starts talking about Sansa and Robb is like “:D” and then he starts realizing that she definitely liked her and he’s like “huh. She doesn’t seem bad but I only have 13-year-old Sansa’s taste in guys to go with here soOOOOO.....”

Robb always wondered if Bran liked Meera or Jojen and Rickon lowkey wondered too but then they meet Jojen again and he’s So Fucking Weird that they’re both like. Oh yeah. Why was this ever a question.

Lyanna and Elia are both in the afterlife but for the most part they hang out with each other and ignore everyone else except for snide commentary.

Whenever Cat does comes back she’s more than a little peeved at Ned. “Didn’t think I could keep the secret, could you? I hated Jon, and you couldn’t bother to go, ‘Oh, hey, Cat, darling, he’s not my son????’ You couldn’t, Ned????” “I’m sorry, Cat, I was sworn to secrecy -”

Lyanna, eating popcorn in the corner: “Oh I meant don’t tell Robert or anyone with you know, power. I thought that was pretty obvious don’t blame me for you being too hardcore about it.” Ned: “Yeah you’re right I guess I should have assumed you were fine with it after all you NAMED HIM AEGON!” This causes a “hey” from Rhaegar and Lyanna, and Robert just says that it is dumb and the trio starts arguing. “Oye, Cat, amazing that they can’t even get along in the -” “I’m not talking to you, Eddard.” “Oh, Cat, I’m sorry. You can’t be mad at me forever.” “Actually I can!” “Caaaaaat.”

Rhaegar, watching Arya be Azor Ahai while Ned & Robert cheer in the background: *eye twitching*

Elia: “Huh. Guess you really did All That for nothing, huh babe?” “Don’t.”

Robert: “Lyanna loved me, tell him my love, we were betrothed!”

Lyanna: “I’ve told you a million times I never loved you.”

Rhaegar: “HA!”

Elia: “You were a boy toy, hun.”

“Elia! That’s -” “Unfair? Is it?” “Yes!” “Oh, sorry. Does it make you want to annul your marriage to me and directly cause our children’s deaths and put me in immediate harm with no real protection because you want to go after a fantasy story? Honey?” “....sorry.”

#game of thrones #ned stark #robert baratheon #rhaegar targaryen #ned and robert's afterlife squad #janie has headcanons #oh man i missed these #got headcanons

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powerranks · 7 years

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Power Ranks: Week 4

So in any fantasy season, I think that the first four weeks are largely irrelevant in terms of evaluating your players. Obviously, you want your team to do good but it’s the first four weeks in a season in which new NFL rules lowered practice times before the season started, making the first four weeks of this particular season EVEN MORE irrelevant. Offensive lines have yet to gel, receivers and QB’s may not be on the same page yet, and defenses seem to be the only thing thriving relatively consistently at this point.

On the other hand, record in terms of fantasy matters quite a bit, and that’s a really big thing for the 1-3 squads, you’re one game out of like the four seed! Other than Anthony, nobody’s really already pretty much guaranteed themselves a playoff spot. It’s not panic time yet, but I like that the perception of panic time has caused trade discussions to ramp up.

Scott Genitalia update: 9-3 (this is the wildest thing considering me and Scott’s teams are honestly terrible)

Reminder: the number I give you doesn’t matter as much as the tier I put you in, I don’t see a big difference between teams in a tier other than small details.

The “Lego Movie soundtrack song ‘Everything is Awesome’” tier

1. Scott’s Balls 12-4-16 (Anthony “you’re still a bitch though” Mendola) (4-0) (LW: 1)

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In the 2015 NBA Playoffs, the Cavaliers and Bulls were playing a game. LeBron spun baseline and dunked all over Joakim Noah’s shit, effectively ending his career since he hasn’t played a meaningful minute since that series. Noah, never one to back down or accept shit, put up the best post-getting dunked on response of all time, he said “you’re still a bitch tho”. Honestly hall of fame level response, because anytime anyone does literally ANYTHING and you come back with “you’re still a bitch tho” then that person is very much still a bitch. So, Anthony, you’re doing great. 4-0 with a team that’s performing about as well as it possibly can, almost unsustainably so. Cam and Le’veon might’ve turned it around last week, Kareem Hunt has more second half rushing yards than the next person in the rushing yardage leaders (Gurley) has on the season, Hogan and Gronk are catching every single Brady TD, and your flex and WR2 seem to just always get like 9. Everything is going right, Golden boy bullshit has a raging boner right now. You’re dunking on the league. You’re still a bitch tho.

The some sort of a flaw was exposed this weekend tier

2. Fournette About It (Jack “the most expansive Rick and Morty reaction gif collection I’ve ever seen” Cleek) (3-1) (LW: 2)

Honestly everything was going so well! You had three of the best like 6 RB’s to have and now it’s diminished by Cook going down. It’s a real bummer, you never wanna see players go down like that, especially so early in their careers. Luckily, your depth has more than enough players to cover you. However, I can’t have you in the highest tier anymore because the value of having that third RB is so high. Hopkins is as good a replacement as anyone, but he’s not gonna be as consistent as Cook. The same can be said for Duke, Davante, and Golden Tate. I also think that Diggs and Clay are slightly unsustainable but ride the hot hand baby.

The rearranged pile of above average garbage tier

3. Mixon It Up (Alec “bad at predicting WR’s” Bernstein) (2-2) (LW: 7)

After a truly horrendous, almost unprecedentedly bad start to the fantasy season, that’s two straight weeks of 105+ for you. Wilson will have up and down weeks but he’s on a two good game streak, Miller had his once or twice yearly blowup game, and Green/Beckham will never get less than 20 combined going forward. Graham continues to be a solid tight end. You’re gonna have to fix RB2 (mixon looks awful) and your flex (Sanders is the best option and I don’t think that’s a good thing long term, maybe Kamara breaks out) but well done my man, you’ve turned this season on it’s head the past two weeks.

4. Hammer (Tony “ok maybe he isn’t back” Mendola) (1-3) (LW: 3)

Brady+Freeman+Gostkowski is about as good a trio as you’re gonna get, but your receivers are maddeningly inconsistent. Hilton will become far better when he gets back but until then you really don’t have a single good option at the moment. Fitzgerald is your best receiver so far and he fell off a cliff in the second half last year. Landry is unfortunately bound to Cutler. Unless you can identify some guy on the wire to break out or your guys turn it around, You’re gonna depend on 2-3 guys to really carry you all season.

5. Scott’s Jizz (Scott “Hi Scott, here’s your rank” Felgenhauer) (3-1) (LW:10)

Nobody thought this was possible considering what happened to David Johnson and the names on your roster but this is an incredibly random 3-1 team that I think is better than I or anyone originally gave it credit for. Dak may not look that great in games, but he’s an incredible fantasy QB. Powell will at least be the lead back for one more week. Dez+Thomas may be the second best WR duo in the league behind Alec’s guys, and Kelce is just as good as Gronkowski. Everything else on the team that’s garbage really may not matter. If you can somehow survive and go like 4-4 or 3-5 when David Johnson comes back, you can make the playoffs.

6. i’m bad at this (Dylan “bad against scott” Jessop) (1-3) (LW:6)

Idk it just really feels like it shouldn’t be this bad, right? On paper this team is still super scary. Stafford could nut at any time. Murray could nut at any time. Nelson always nuts. Cooks/Gillislee nut inconsistently. CJ Anderson nutes. It just never happens at the same time, which is the problem. You’ve left a TON of points on your bench almost every week and I think you’re the 1-3 team in the best shape by far because the production is there it’s just completely wild as to when and who will do it.

7. Scott’s Penis (David “It’s just that GZ” Chinchilla) (2-2) (LW: 8)

I finally broke 100, but honestly it was the flukiest 100 because Greg Zuerlein had the third best fantasy day for a kicker in the history of fantasy football. That’s wild. The silver lining is that my consistent guys continue to be consistent I guess? McCoy at some point will score, Ajayi at some point will not suck, and I’m confident in Keenan Allen and Devante Parker. I need Luck and Reed back real bad guys. But, I’m playing the patriots this week (Anthony) and who do you call when you need to beat the patriots? ELI BABY

The “I’m just making another tier because these teams have just slightly performed worse” tier

8. Smallerwood (Chris “maybe changing your picture helps too” Gatzow) (1-3) (LW: 5)

Brees will continue to be one of the more consistent Qb’s in football, and I think a combination of Howard/Coleman/Smallwood is enough to keep the Rb’s afloat, but your receivers and flex look VERY rough. Cooper was dead without Carr, it may only be worse now. Julio had the yards, but not the TD’s, and now the Matt Ryan regression year is officially on only to fuck you. This week looks especially rough, with Coleman/Brees/Julio out, Mariota possibly not playing, and Baldwin/Smallwood/Cooper having injury designations. Long term, I think you’ll be okay because there’s no way your receivers continue to suck so much, but it may be too little too late if you continue to lose.

9. Aegon Targaryen M’FVCKA (Alex “trade nut was busted” Ahn) (1-3) (LW: 4)

It’s been three straight weeks under 90 points, and two straight under 75. Ryan looks like 2015 Ryan, I rostered that Ryan and it’s really not a fun ride. Carson died. Jeffery and Tyreek both look like boom or bust guys, Tyreek especially. Bennett is used awfully in Green Bay, and I want zero part of the Baltimore backfield. Marshawn looks like a huge dissapointment, and J Stew is behind McCaffrey in terms of usage on that team. You’re gonna need some waiver guys to really come through, because I don’t know if it’ll get THAT much better.

10. Beshoy and Some Backups (Beshoy “Bench went Wild” Halim) (1-3) (LW: 9)

Considering that your bench went crazy and had you not just over thought some of your decisions and made the logical play, you would’ve had a way higher score last week. I don’t think you’re as bad as the ranking makes you out to be. I don’t see that much of a difference between say, your team and me and Dylan’s teams if we’re being honest. The reason you’re down here is because although last week gave some hope that there’s producers on the team, that’s four straight weeks not breaking 90. It’s cool and all that some guys are performing, but you gotta score some points at some point. That being said, I think you got the worst case scenario out of Gordon last week, and outside of that you just played the wrong guys. Pryor hadn’t done anything, maybe this past week was just what he needed. Blount looks like a good fantasy guy, he didn’t even score and got 15. Abdullah had been up and down, but like Pryor maybe this was the week he turned it around. I know it wouldn’t have mattered this past week since Anthony went wild, but I have to put you down here based on past performance.

PICKS

Scott’s Balls 12-11-16 (Anthony) over Scott’s Penis (David)

Beshoy and Some Backups (Beshoy) over Mixon it Up (Alec)

Aegon Targaryen M’FVCKA (Alex) over Scott’s Jizz (Scott)

Fournette About It (Jack) over Hammer (Tony)

I’m bad at this (Dyl) over Smallerwood (Chris)

Last Week: 1-4

Season 8-12

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festivalists · 7 years

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In the mood for Transylvania

With the Romanian TIFF slowly but surely emerging as a must stop for every film professional, not just for the ones curious about local cinema, we are happy to offer you Patrick Holzapfel's notes on the contemplative week he spent in Transylvania. Just like last year, he shares his experience entering the cinephilia space-time continuum, only this time peeking far beyond the snows of Sieranevada.

It is odd to be writing again. I wonder how one can come back to a place one has been before, as the same or a different person, watching the same or different films. How often do we have to come to a place until the memories connected with it become real again? Festivals in general give the impression of being always changing, while they seem to be the same from year to year. Cluj-Napoca, it was again. The huge Transylvania International Film Festival which would once again prove that you do not need many cinemas to project films.

I have seen it, and like last year it greeted me with rain and sticky weather. Like with so many festivals, the trip is part of the experience. Especially when being able to do it by car. Why? Well, because you might win a spring screen wash for your car at a Romanian gas station (I asked “Why did I win?” and the answer “Because you tank!”), or you can witness a dog not only running on the street in front of cars but doing it in circles in a roundabout. Moreover, for the first time in my life I had to pass through a mudslide while a policeman was observing it and shrugging his shoulders. In my imagination, I was swept away from the mud. Then I arrived in Cluj-Napoca with my muddy car. I was very happy to own a spring screen wash. From my hotel room I could see the whole town. Traces of the sun behind the clouds.

Why do I write about these matters that do not seem to be related to cinema? It is because I think they are related to cinema. Traveling to a foreign country is always about comparing it to images one has of it. In terms of cinema, this means you can see who is a “documentary filmmaker” and who does not care about the real world. Documentary filmmakers, like Christian Petzold, Thomas Heise, or Angela Schanelec in Germany, give an image of a country that holds true when you travel there. There is something you know about a country without ever having been there. Something cinema knows. It is not facts but sensibilities, and it is memories becoming material. In the case of Romania, it seemed to me again, the absurdities are very well depicted by cinema, the beauty and poetry are not.

However, I know of someone who would have jumped right into the mudslide: Buster Keaton. I decided to open my personal festival with him as the war – a so-called cine-concert with Diallèle accompanying THE GENERAL (1926). The musical trio with its wreaking sounds focussed on the idea of movement in the film as opposed to the idea of gags. It is an approach that works particularly well with THE GENERAL, because the speed of the film is its oxygen. Oh, this cross-cutting splendor. The music was taking the side of the machines, not of Keaton. Due to that, the actor seemed even more out of place than he is anyway. It was a rather nice way to start the festival even if the digital copy seemed to be a Blu-Ray (maybe it was that was just the bad quality of projection in the Student's Culture House, but it certainly was not projected from film).

Some thoughts on silence. There was very little of it in the theatres here in Cluj-Napoca. It was a cell phone paradise. Nobody seemed to bother. Sounds and lights everywhere. Is it too much for a festival to ask people to shut down their mobiles during screenings?

Another silence gone – Šarūnas Bartas. His cinema tells the story of a frustration, the frustration with words. Whereas in his first works he stunningly avoided them, now he has become some sort of prophet of the non-speaking. It is a paradox, though, as his characters talk a lot about not-talking. But his latest film FROST (2017) is much more than that. It is a journey into questions about the inability of touching and the impossibility of truth. Nevertheless, what remains is the absence of silence. Yet, silence is resistance as it is shown in Jean-Pierre Melville’s beautiful and cruel THE SILENCE OF THE SEA / LE SILENCE DE LA MER (1949), part of the director's retrospective at the festival. In the first row a young lady was sitting with a laptop as a live-subtitling device. The light of that screen (why does she have to sit there?) were louder than the words of the film.

I had to face it: Cluj was loud and joyous again. It was not a cathedral of cinema, nothing holy here, just people enjoying cinema. In the festival trailer, a guy eats cabbage and afterwards an alien-like creature bursts out of his stomach.

So, in the morning I sat down in a park close to my hotel. There were some ducks here, an old lady was picking leaves from the trees, many lovers here, they did what lovers do. It was almost silent. I tried to think about what I had been seeing so far: a lot of noise, some silence.

Interlude. What it takes to show films in Cluj-Napoca, present them as a big event, and pay for hotel rooms for people like me:

Drink some Staropramen or Sâmburești wine, pay for it with your Mastercard, or get some money at Raiffeisen Bank. That is how your day should start. While you are at it, go to McDonald's, they even have a parking spot where you can put your Mercedes, baby. At McDonald's they show HBO, or TV5Monde should you prefer French. After eating a cheeseburger and having beautiful talks about the arts with representatives of the Ministry of Culture as well as some big shots from Creative Europe, you can fill in some gas at a MOL. It is easy, and you are also doing something for the culture, as they faithfully tell you in their commercial. Maybe some Nespresso for take-away. However, please be careful and wash your clothes only with Persil. I can not bare any other detergent.

And don’t forget to write to me. You can use DHL. You can also add the beautiful images you made with your Nikon. I could digitize them and watch them on my brand new BenQ LCD monitor. You could also send them digitally. Don’t you own a Samsung mobile phone that makes even better images? You could also call me with it. Internet should not be a problem with UPC. Neither is light with E.ON, neither is water supply with Water Coman SOMEŞ S.A. I guess you have everything you need? If there is anything you miss, you can also go to M@dd Electronics.

On Romanian TV they said “I love Cluj!” The ambassadors and other inspiring people from the world of institutes are also there. I could see them walk on television. Don’t hesitate to drink some Jameson Irish Whiskey with them. They are nice. Don’t drink too much. I heard AQUA Carpatica is better for your health. Maybe when you become friends with them you can also buy a Tenaris pipeline together. There was a James Bond film with Pierce Brosnan where they had lots of fun in such a pipeline. If you want to feel more beautiful, I recommend Avon, it is “the company for women.” Should anthing happen in the pipeline, or anywhere else, Aegon will be there for you.

Cinema, I’m lovin’ it.

The emptiness of the Ethnographic Museum in Cluj-Napoca reminded me of an absence. It is not an absence that is connected with something or someone in particular, but one of those absences one feels in the soul while looking at things. As I walked through a building that contained the peasant history of the region in instruments, clothes, and decor, everything seemed to be so touchable and so far away. In a brave and weak second, I could not resist – though it was forbidden, I put my finger on one of these dresses, feeling the colors under my fingertips, the material with my skin, yet, the history seemed gone. A peculiar sensation that even got stronger when I felt that looking at huge photographies of people actually wearing those clothes, or working with those instruments, spoke a lot more to me than the touch. Is this, I asked myself, the price you pay for watching too many movies, or just for living in this world? The images showed eyes of people looking into the camera, there was joy and poverty, struggle and beauty. They were stronger, in a way even more present than the objects. I could only understand the weight of these instruments, their function, and beauty while I was looking at the photographs. As if I was blind for the real thing. However, I was wondering, what is real about those instruments and clothes without people?

After a dream, I woke up to a screening of CALIFORNIA DREAMIN’ / NESFÂRŞIT (2007) by Cristian Nemescu, a film I had known already and loved. It was presented as a tragic and sad anniversary screening. Sad because director Nemescu died in a car crash while working on the post-production of this film. It tells the story of a meeting between a Romanian village and American soldiers passing through. It is at the same time a political statement, a light and romantic comedy, a coming-of-age film, a drama, a western, and an exploration about different forms of resistance. Due to rain and other issues, the screening started at midnight. So in the middle of the night, all the leaves were brown, and the sky was grey. It was uplifting and deeply touching at the same time. Again, I was wondering what spoke to me so much in this film. Is it finding oneself in those images, narratives? Is it really all about identification? I am not happy with it, I did not want to go to cinema to see myself on the screen.

As it is asked in the Golden Bear winner ON BODY AND SOUL / TESTRŐL ÉS LÉLEKRŐL (2017) by Ildikó Enyedi, what happens if two people see the same image, maybe look into the same mirror in a dream? Do they maybe become blind for the real thing, or do they only project themselves on the dreams of another person?

It was a day without structure. Cinema swallowed memories.

The Romanian Days had started. This line-up is the festival's flagship, because Romanian cinema keeps being exciting. I watched new films by Adrian Sitaru and Călin Peter Netzer, as well as many average to bad shorts. Sitaru’s latest offers a moral dilemma deeply concerned with the ethics of journalism and image-making. When you try to make people who suffered unjustly speak, and you know that the act of speaking makes them suffer, what do you do?

It reminded me of a note in one of my old notebooks: “Is filming stealing (time)?”

The issue of realism in Romanian cinema has been discussed on (too) many occasions. Yet, it catches the eye how certain ways of camera movement, color grading, or sound design are not connected to moral positions anymore. They are mere style. Due to that, every little change from what one seems to know comes like a surprise. There are not many surprises.

In the morning, the cleaning lady of my hotel took away my card, she came back and gave it to me. While arriving at my room late in the evening, the card did not work. I went to the desk, and they gave me another card, telling me the one I had was for a different room. I like the idea of a hotel where people have to find their room, because the cards / keys do not tell. I was sleeping in the wrong bed, maybe, like a baby that was given to another mother.

Flowers in the Japanese Gardens, some ducks searching for cover under a sunlit bridge, children screaming and scaring away the flowers. The flowers can not run. Yet they whisper to each other about hiding. Leaves falling to the ground, searching for a shadow. Someone let a tree die, here. It looks beautiful. The Botanical Garden in Cluj-Napoca is truly magnificent. I went there in order to hide, to look at water lilies reflecting suns.

Later I was going to see one of my favorite flowers in last year’s cinema – the one the protagonist is holding lovingly, moribundly close to his chest in Radu Jude’s SCARRED HEARTS / INIMI CICATRIZATE (2016). He is on his way to his love, he wants to give it to her. He bids farewell to the world and tries to live in it for the last breathe close to the sea. He is blooming but still dying. It is a film that exceeds wrinkles of suffering and instead gives an approach to death that consists of anger, desperation, and beauty. It is also concerned with the gap opening between what is said and seen, what is hidden and embraced by history and those writing it. Since I have seen it, I want to read Max Blecher’s writings. The film is based on his life and takes from his novels. I started reading his novel with a title that seems rather fittingly for my festival endeavors, Adventures in Immediate Irreality.

How an attempt concerned with history and its perception can be done rather clumsily showed CAMERA OBSCURA (2016), a documentary on cine-clubs during Ceaușescu that had above all a terrible soundtrack. It showed people telling redundantly their memories. In the end, it communicated its very clear message in titles – these cine-clubs are looked at as if they were pure propaganda instruments but they were much more and harm was done to their essential documentation of communist life in Romania during and after the Revolution. What is to be done with those films that only consist of what they talk about?

The flowers in the Botanical Garden had no messages. So before the screening of the not quite fantastic but decent A FANTASTIC WOMAN / UNA MUJER FANTÁSTICA (2017), I returned there. But all the flowers were in hiding. They were telling me, like Gustave Courbet, that we can only see what gets lit from the sun. I don't know... a festival can be such a sun, can't it? However, I am wondering, what if a sun chooses where to shine on?

There was more shadow than light on my last day in Cluj-Napoca. Nevertheless, I could see more than in the previous days.

Part of the bright shadows came from the long-buried Romanian classic THE ONE HUNDRED BILL / 100 DE LEI (1973) by Mircea Săucan. The film was shown in a newly restored copy that was so black and so white that Philippe Garrel, wherever he was, must have felt an itching in his left eye while watching it. Fittingly, it tells a rather dark story about two brothers, one a successful actor, the other – a drifter. They fall for the same girl but the film is, again, about more than that. It is about the unreality of dependency. The sound seems to be miles away from the image. People talk, yes, but the post-production voices are not meant to stick to the reality of the image. Instead they project themselves onto something which we know from being too late, a sensation close to an echo or something that resonates in a desire to be somewhere else. It is a bizarre and hypnotic film that must be watched again. It was followed by Radu Jude’s latest documentary THE DEAD NATION / ŢARA MOARTĂ (2017), which consists entirely of photographs and found-footage voice-over, telling or not telling about the history of anti-semitism in Romania during at the time of WWII. So, after all those flowers and doubts, cinema got me back when it started to open gaps between what we can and can’t see.

My week in Transylvania ends here. After a festival there is much to tell. It always struck me as funny to travel in order to sit through something that basically feels the same everywhere yet makes you travel again. It is like a double exposure of traveling. During a festival, we are at many places at the same time. One can keep the city or cinema at a distance. So, the sensation of memories intertwining with visits to places and films will always be distorted. It is highly dependent on the rhythm. TIFF has the rhythm of too much, too fast. Still, sometimes such an overdose allows for sudden freedom. It is like when Bresson wrote that the sound-film invented silence – a festival like this might remind us the true value of a single film and the time we spend with it. Curating at TIFF is looked at from the perspective of offering, bringing something, maybe everything. It is not about taste, morals, or values, it is about the market.

This is not necessarily a bad thing, though, because it might work and be understood like a convention for world cinema in Romania. Rarely have I visited a festival where so much is done to include the town and even its surroundings into the programming and the event as such. It feels like everything breathes TIFF, and the young audience shows that such an attitude can give the impression of cinema being alive. There is no possibility you have not heard of TIFF if you are local. Some beautiful encounters and impressions derive from such a presence.

However, the question remains if it is cinema that is alive or the event it is engraved in. Cluj-Napoca once again proved to be an island where such doubts feel out of place. It quite clearly tells people to have fun, to celebrate, not to repine. Considering developments in the Romanian industry bureaucracy, such a place is clearly needed and embraced by many. The festival is young, it wants to break with certain patterns, it is moving on where others hesitate. It looks bravely and sometimes blindly into the future. The beautiful thing about this is that it creates enthusiasm, the bad thing is that it does not ask you to look, it does not tell you anything about cinema as a festival. With this I mean there is no idea of how to look at films, how to project films, how to discuss films, or how to program films.

But don’t think too much. Take a # and dance me to the future of cinema.

If you are a film industry professional, you can watch films from Transylvania IFF on Festival Scope.

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