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uniformbravo · 4 years

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a bunch of winter 2020 anime first impressions from Me

Koisuru Asteroid / Asteroid In Love

ok ive already professed my love for this one so i wont get too much into it but basically it’s Extremely cute & im way invested in the two (HOPEFULLY romantic) leads bc their relationship is so sweet so far aaaaaaa

like do u SEE this shit im actually tearing up hgnfhrognfghdjfnjg

this show is Pretty and Cute and Space-Themed and Probably Gay what more do u Need. i love it 10/10

Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken!

so fucken good, this is the one i was most excited for based purely on the art style/animation and god did it deliver, everything is such a treat to look at i fuckin LOVE a setting w/ just as much personality as the characters

and My Goodness the Characters, 3 distinct girls w/ strong designs & personalities that aren’t like super moe/catered to cishet dudes heLLO

we Love a gremlin protag & her chaotic neutral best friend & the “fuck you dad i want to make anime” dreamer they meet........

also HELL YEAH it’s about making anime and they don’t even use that as a gimmicky set piece, the art is a huge part of the story and the detail with which it’s explored in the first ep gives me high hopes for the rest of the show aaaaa so excited to see where this one goes after that BANGER of a first episode

Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun

switching gears to a less great one lol..... so the thing is this show’s visual aesthetic absolutely fucking slaps in a way that’s so rare to see in a sea of samey anime art styles, like the character designs are unique and everything is so damn colorful, the backgrounds alone blow me away w/ how fuckin Pretty they are??? LOOK at this shit

and just. this show has a lot of stylistic flourishes that make it like 100/100 Certified Good-To-Look-At Anime

which makes every other aspect of the show that much more disappointing lmaoooo like ok i can deal w/ a mediocre story if the visuals slap, which they Do, but also these characters look 10 & we’re doing the whole sexualizing minors thing which fucking BLOWS it’s so uncomfortable to watch........... i feel like it’s one of those things where they’re trying to justify it by being like “o well hanako’s like a thousand year old spirit or whatever so he’s not REALLY underage” but fuckin. fuck off he looks and sounds like a Young Boy yall know what ur doing ugh

it’s not a thing that happens Constantly throughout the episode, really just a few moments here and there, but it is in the op pretty prominently so i feel like it’s gonna be a Thing that keeps happening so idk if i’ll stick w/ this one in particular which is a Damn Shame bc it really is such a gorgeous looking show im mad

number24

ok ngl just from the character designs alone i rly didn’t think this one was gonna make as good a first impression as it did??? i guess the huge ensemble cast of pretty boys reminded me of last season’s actors: songs connection, which uh. was Not great,

so i went into it totally expecting it to be all shitty but it rly surprised me, i found it so intriguing? the characters are actually really endearing so far...... i love how it doesn’t try to shove the entire cast in our faces in the v first ep but instead starts out w/ a small handful and lets us spend a lil time w/ them while only giving assorted Hints and passing impressions of the others, that was nice

also love how very not “generic sports anime” it is right off the bat by dropping us right into the middle of these characters’ story instead of doing the whole “bright-eyed first year joins the team and fights his way to the top” sorta deal- which you’d think would be a confusing and awkwardly paced approach but in this case is handled surprisingly well, especially because it seems like it’s gonna have a lot more elements of a character drama than a straight up classic sports anime (which i am Super here for)

(there is a lot of rugby in the op though so we’ll see how things go, it’s only been 1 ep after all)

the air drop into the characters’ established lives makes introductions a lot more organic as well; since the characters are already familiar with each other we don’t have to sit around watching everyone introduce themselves to the protag, we get to infer their relationships and general opinions of each other through their various interactions & it’s a thousand times more engaging imo!!

i mean we do have this other first year joining as a manager and our protag did deliberately say he learned everyone’s names/info after deciding to become a manager so im sure we’ll be getting those character introductions anyway, but well. we’ll cross that bridge if/when we come to it

also i believe this takes place in college rather than high school?? i couldn’t pay attention to every detail but i definitely got that kind of vibe in which case Hell Yeah another welcome deviation from the norm babeeyyyy (i just checked and it Is college yeehaw)

basically what im saying is im tired of tropes & number24 just no clipped past the first 25 chapters of the sports anime formula and also it’s set in university AND it seems to be character-driven & im living thanks thank u

Pet

ok ill be honest i completely forgot that i watched this one lmaooo (which should give u a hint as to what i thought of it *thinking emoji*)

the art style’s whatever and the animation’s whatever, nothing special there. the show is like, dark?? more stupid than dark idk it feels a little bit “welcome to my twisted mind” but the twist is homophobia w/ a mild side of ableism, and also an entire episode of suspense wondering if im gonna have to watch this black side character die (he doesn’t, so there’s that at least)

honestly i cant even remember what drew me to this show enough to put it in my plan to watch, i guess the premise sounded interesting enough (something about controlling minds and erasing memories?), but mature psychological shows usually aren’t really my scene, especially when they’re executed.... Like That. i did kind of enjoy the twist at the end, mildly, though i feel like it was pretty obvious in hindsight and the only reason i didn’t see it coming is bc i can be astoundingly shortsighted when it comes to things like that (aka im DUMB)

since it took until the very end of the episode to Really introduce our dynamic duo tho, i feel like this ep was more of a prologue than anything and the Real show is gonna begin in ep 2, which is great n all but uh. idk if i care enough to give that a watch tbhhhh. i might just to see what the show has to offer but really truly honestly cant see myself sticking this one thru to the end lmao rip

hate to end on a bummer note like that but hey that’s all i got for this post ! i have more shit to watch so i’ll probably end up making like a part 2 w/ more impressions but this is getting long enough that it’s becoming kind of a pain to keep adding more so thats it for now boiyoeiyeoii

#i kept wanting to talk abt my thoughts & figured this format would be more efficient than making a bunch of scattered text posts #also this way i get to include pictures to help identify each show #which is a lot more fun and probably way easier to understand wtf im talking about #so thats my gift to u ur welcome #retag later #ani blogging

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thetruecaptain-blog · 6 years

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if I could learn to let go

This is my first attempt at a fic - like, ever - and I'm a nervous wreck but here goes! I catch myself often thinking about what Naomi went through when Marco first took Filip from her. I decided to try my hand at writing it out as I imagine it may have happened. This is the first of what’s likely to be several chapters, and has heavy Nemesis Games spoilers, as I’ve used her memories in NG to sketch out the events.

Special shout out to @perrinmywolf for reading this over ahead of time and giving me some constructive criticism, as well as just generally listening to my constant flailing/anxious ramblings. Also, thanks @the-roci for your kind and encouraging words, they really helped me get past the worst of my nerves!

I’d appreciate kudos/comments on AO3 if you can! Especially comments, as I’d love to know what you think of this. You’ll also find the Belter Creole translations there.

Gone

Naomi wakes from a dreamless sleep to an empty bed. The events of the night before are a blur but the one thing she remembers - the one thing that’s stuck - is the resolve. It’s the first time since the death of the Augustin Gamarra that Naomi has felt anything but guilt and despair. Her certainty is like a boulder standing fast against the current. It’s the only thing that keeps her from drowning.

‘We’re leaving. Filip unte mi.’

Marco had been calmer than she’d expected when she told him. He’d been angry, she could see it in the way his jaw hardened, the way his eyes went sharp and hard like flint. Heard it in that clipped Belter cant. But he hadn’t argued.

‘You’re tired. Not thinking straight. Sleep on it. Talk more tomorrow.’

Then he’d left, closing the door softly behind him.

In the darkness, Naomi presses her palms briefly against her eyes and draws in a slow, steady breath. There’s a knot of anxiety and anticipation in her chest. The decision to leave wasn’t an easy one to make, but it’s right. Her life is here, and the people she has come to see as family. Filip’s family. But she can’t look at them anymore, can’t even look at herself. Out is the only way. She reaches for her hand terminal, taps the display to check the time. With a sharp gasp she sits upright, calls for the lights. She's already scrambling off the bed to Filip's crib, her heart beating like a bird fluttering wildly against the bars of its cage.

The crib is empty.

No, no, no.

Naomi fumbles with her hand terminal, opens a connection to Marco. Seconds later - too many seconds - his handsome face fills the screen. His eyes crinkle at the corners the way they do when he smiles at her. The sight of it used to flush her with warmth but now it makes her feel nauseated.

"Filip is-"

"I took him," Marco cuts her off, leans in closer to his display the way he does when he wants to make the conversation feel more intimate. Except now Naomi suspects that Marco doesn’t want her to know where is. “Wanted you to rest.”

"Kepelésh to?" She manages to make it sound casual, to her own ears at least, but she's gripping her hand terminal so hard that her fingers ache. Where is my son?

"Don't you worry about that," Marco answers with another of his disarming smiles. Naomi's heart sinks and she wants to scream, wants to shout at him to tell her where he is so she can go to them. So she can go to her son. “Take the day to rest. Talk more tonight.”

He ends the transmission without waiting for a response and Naomi is left standing next to Filip’s crib. The silence is deafening. For nearly a year she has been surrounded by Filip's sounds - his coos and laughter, the way he clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth and giggles. The quiet noises he makes even in his sleep. Helplessness settles over her like a great weight, makes her shoulders sag. She's trembling and can't tear her eyes away from Filip’s crib, as if somehow that will make him reappear.

They'll be back. Tonight, Marco said. He took Filip to give her time to rest. He just wants to talk.

She can't stop shaking.

------

When the door opens Naomi is waiting, her eyes sliding over and past Marco in search of Filip's chubby cheeks and curly dark hair. She's already reaching for him, ready to swoop him up and press sloppy kisses to his neck in the way that makes him squeal with laughter and delight. She aches to hold him, a need that manifests itself in the tightness that sits in her chest.

He's the only thing pure and good left in her life.

Marco steps into their little hole alone and closes the door. Naomi stops and draws back, frowning because Filip isn't there. She even cranes her head to look around Marco as if Filip is somewhere behind him, an irrational gesture but one she can't help. She feels a bubble of panic but swallows it down, forces herself to meet Marco's eyes. He's watching her with something that might have been sympathy. Not long ago Naomi would have interpreted the tilt of his lips as earnest, but now she sees smugness.

"You said-" she starts, but Marco cuts her off by raising a hand.

"That we'd talk tonight," he says, his tone both firm and placating. He steps forward to close the distance between them. Her instinct is to retreat and it's obvious in the way she leans away from him. She tastes something toxic and bitter. This closeness he forces between them; once it felt like intimacy.

Now, she feels trapped.

He puts one hand on her shoulder, lifts the other to stroke his thumb down her chin and looks into her eyes as though they're sharing a moment. His voice is soft and sad when he speaks. "Much to talk about. Sit." He gestures to the bed, the only piece of furniture in their small rental other than Filip's plastic crib. Naomi remains rooted in place, casting another glance at the door as if it can tell her what Marco has done with their child. Marco squeezes her shoulder. She blinks and forces her gaze back to him.

"Where is Filip?"

"Don't worry yourself." There is a light in Marco's eyes that Naomi never noticed before, or perhaps she didn't want to. It's triumphant, as if she's saying exactly what he anticipates. She has the sudden impression that this is all a scene Marco has already written and she’s playing her role perfectly.

"I want-"

Marco puts a finger to her lips to cut her off a second time. He steps forward again, this time to force her to move back toward the bed. "I know. Need to talk, like I said. Sit."

Stubbornness surges through her. She stands fast, pulling her shoulder back out of his grip. She lifts her chin, meets his eyes, opens her mouth to argue that she has every right to know where Filip is. Something shifts in Marco's expression. His jaw hardens, his head cants slightly to one side. She isn't sticking to his script and it isn't acceptable. His hand reaches for her again, this time curling around her upper arm to dig his fingers painfully into her flesh. Without further comment Marco steers her over to the mattress.

Naomi sits. She perches on the edge of the bed with her feet flat on the floor as if she’s ready to bolt at the first opportunity. She has to twist her fingers together to keep from fidgeting. Dread sits heavy in the pit of her stomach.

"We're worried about you, setara." We ? A faint frown creases her brow but Naomi remains silent. She senses that he's building up to a carefully rehearsed monologue. He won't take kindly to any interruptions. Everything Marco does is deliberate, planned, as if life is simply a play that he's writing as he goes. Naomi, like everyone else, is nothing more than a supporting actor meant to make Marco Inaros shine.

Why did it take people dying for her to see it?

He crouches in front of her to look up into her face with pity and sorrow, his hands coming to rest on her knees. "You haven't been right. Haven't been taking care of yourself. Hardly eating or sleeping. Everyone sees. Now you want to leave. You aren’t well." His hand comes up to brush a strand of curly dark hair away from her eyes and there is such love and concern on his face that Naomi almost believes it. Wants to believe. She feels the tightness in her chest move up to her throat, feels the tears pool in the corners of her eyes.

He isn’t wrong. It's all she can do to get through the day. Two-hundred and thirty-four people dead. Filip is her only light.

"I want my son." The words spill out before she can stop them. She meant to make it a demand but it comes out as a desperate plea instead. She hates herself for being so weak. Her hands grab hold of Marco's. “Where’s Filip?“

Marco's eyes are full of sorrow. His lips are smug.

“Séf.” Seconds pass in silence as this sinks in and she understands what he’s saying. What he’s not saying. You tried to take him, so I took him first. Something large shifts in Naomi’s chest and it’s like her insides have turned to water. A wave of vertigo hits her as her blood pressure drops and then spikes again. She pulls her hands away from Marco’s and twists her fingers into the thin blanket she’s sitting on, an attempt to counteract the sensation that she’s spinning wildly out of control.

When she doesn’t speak Marco rises and turns to sit on the bed beside her. “You’re not thinking straight.” He tilts his head to look at her with an expression that is a perfectly rehearsed mix of pity and sorrow. “First year of motherhood im mal, ya? Like you náterash, nating ta hold you down.” He spreads his hands and it’s all Naomi can do not to grab him by the shoulders and shake him until he tells her where Filip is. She feels a scream rise in her throat and swallows forcefully, then focuses on breathing in and out through her nose. “Im kowl gut. It’s okay to need help.” He takes her chin in his hand, lifts her head so she’s forced to meet his gaze. “Won’t let you take my son.” His voice hardens and his dark eyes go cold, dangerous as they bore into hers. Naomi feels a shiver wash through her. She shouldn’t have told him. Should have left when she could.

“Where is Filip?” It comes out hardly louder than a whisper.

Marco stares at her long enough that she knows he wants to make her uneasy. Intimidate her. Naomi can’t feel anything but the need to know where her child is.

“Trying to be supportive, mi,” Marco says with a heavy sigh, as though he can’t imagine why she’s being so difficult. He stands and paces across the little room, then turns again to face her with his hands spread in a helpless gesture. Except nothing about Marco Inaros is helpless. It’s an act. Has it all been an act? From the very start? “Wan da sheng? Pains me to say,” he pauses, looks at her for a long stretch that is full of regret, like he doesn’t want to hurt her. “Can’t trust you with Filipito, not like this.” He gestures to her and Naomi is made hyper-aware of how she must look to him. Pale face, dark circles under haunted eyes. She must have lost weight in the past weeks because she can hardly stand to look at food, let alone eat it.

“I would never hurt him.” It should have been a statement full of certainty and strength and anger that he would suggest otherwise, but her voice wavers as if she’s on the edge of breaking. Something shifts in Marco’s eyes - a flash of triumph, and Naomi realizes she’s walked right into a trap she had no idea he was setting.

“But you would take him from his father? Rip his family apart because you can’t deal with your own felota? Think that won’t hurt him?” You’re selfish. He doesn’t say it, but he doesn’t have to. “Need to get your emotions under control, Naomi. No good to him like this, you.”

“Ya. Ya, you’re right.” Naomi stands, moving toward Marco with her hands raised in supplication. “We’ll stay. I’ll stay.” Her hands are shaking and she knows she looks desperate, pitiful. She can’t stop herself. Doesn’t care . Just wants her son back. “He hasn’t been away from me like this. He needs me. Fodagut.” She can feel the tears now, falling freely down her cheeks. She’s breaking apart. He’s broken her. Is breaking her. “Fodagut.”

Marco shakes his head and purses his lips, looks at her the way a person might look at a lost puppy. He’s moved to the door, one hand already lifted to slide it open. “Take some days, get it together. Mi gonya kom wámotim. Then we talk.”

Then he’s gone. Naomi sinks to the floor because her legs have gone too weak to support her. A sob escapes her, a quiet, broken sound that seems to echo in the too-empty hole. Should have seen this coming. Should have seen it all.

There’s no one to blame but herself.

#nemesis games spoilers #naomi nagata #fic: naomi nagata #the expanse fic #marco inaros #filip inaros #nic fic #it was hard writing this younger version of naomi #the one that doesn't already know marco is full of shit #i imagine she learned pretty quickly #long post

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