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nostalgiaruinedme · 3 years

Text

The Goddess

Prompt: Nightmares TMNT verse: 2012 Characters: April, Za-Naron, Donatello (memory), Casey, Leo, Raph, and Mikey (all mentioned/memory) Relationships: Ambiguous Apriltello, can be taken romantically or platonically AO3 Link: Here

Summary: April finds herself trapped in a web of memories and regret, held hostage by the voice in her head that she hoped she'd never have to hear from again. It wants her back. Other Notes: Thank you to my good friend @renawaywithme for beta reading this! Go check out her fics btw they're amazing!

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"You miss me, don't you?"

The Voice drifted through April's head as gentle as the wind. Cool to the touch and pleasantly inviting, She smiled, letting it wash over her as she stared out into the night sky. The city was calm this time of night. Quiet compared to its usual state, yet alive in all the ways that mattered.

And April was safe. Safe, here on this rooftop alone with her thoughts and the Voice. Only she could hear it and she quite liked it that way—but it had asked her a question. As much as she would love to simply stand there and listen to it forever, she needed to answer.

"Do you miss me?" It asked again.

April frowned ever so slightly. That was a difficult question now, wasn't it? Did she miss it? She wasn't really sure who the Voice was anyway, so how was she to know if she missed it? Its tone was as familiar as the back of her hand, yet also as foreign as could be... but April knew she knew who the voice was—somewhere, somehow, she had met them. The memories of trust and courage were too strong for her not to have.

The memories of sheer power were too strong.

"Of course you miss me," said the Voice, reading her thoughts (or maybe the Voice and her thoughts were one and the same). "I wouldn't be here if you didn't. One can only be in your mind if you invite them in, after all."

"I do miss you," April said quietly, staring out into the distance, wondering if that was a lie. She missed the feeling of power and strength associated with the voice; at least she knew that much.

"You miss what we did together," The Voice continued, a fierce grin weaving itself through its words. April looked down, feeling the tingle of power sparking through her fingertips, growing stronger with each word the Voice said. "You miss what could have been. Me and you, we're powerful together, April. Why would you ever try to stop it? We could have changed the world for the better if you only let it happen."

April wondered the same thing. Why would her past self, however long ago that was, ever try to stop her bond with the Voice? Her mind was too hazy to remember her reasons, but she doubted they made sense—who would give this wonderful, beautiful, powerful feeling up for anything? Shooting up her spine and consuming her entire being, the hum of energy grew stronger and stronger with each passing second. There was nothing that April O'Neil couldn't do without the Voice at her side. She blinked once, smiling to herself as she relished in the beauty of being alive, of being strong.

Her feet left the ground below as she steadily began to rise into the air.

"That's it," The Voice chuckled, "You know you miss how powerful we were together. With my knowledge and your abilities, we could have ruled this entire, wretched world and cleansed it of all its pain. Just us two, together. With my help, you could have saved this world, April. You could have been a savior."

She was far above the rooftops now, looking down with a frown upon her face. Cleanse the world? That sounded familiar and sent another pulse of power through her, but it also set off a few alarm bells. Even so, they couldn't overpower the joyous pride that crept onto her lips as she began to smile, staring at the stars surrounding her.

This was where she belonged, among the stars.

The thought wasn't hers, but the Voice hadn't said it either. Perhaps it was a memory, one that the Voice had told her long ago. But that just deepened April's confusion...

Why couldn't she remember who the Voice was?

A scream sounded in the distance. April snapped her gaze to the right, staring out across the horizon, over to where the Channel 6 building was. Tall and brightly lit, it was a beacon in the darkness of the night, a symbol of knowledge and a home of so many memories—so many battles had taken place there. But even though it was the tower that caught her attention, it wasn't what held it.

No. What kept her attention was the distant, glowing blue silhouette of herself, floating high in the air above it. The brilliant, fiery haze of her hair blew up and around in the wind, a stark contrast from her glowing white eyes and power pulsing from her like ripples in a pond. She was a terrifying god in a sea of sin, ready to wreak vengeance on any and all who dare oppose her.

Starting with the turtle she was lifting into the air, begging her to break free.

April froze.

"April? Focus," the Voice ordered, trying to tear her away from the vision. But the memory was strong and kept April watching, the past finally coming back to her in waves.

The aeons.

The crystal.

Splinter. Donnie.

The Voice.

"No!" April tore her gaze away and gasped, finally realizing who the Voice was. She pushed past Donnie’s cries and pleas from her mind, blocking them out to try to focus on the present. "I killed you! You're dead, why are you still here?"

Za-Naron laughed. "Did you really think you could get rid of me that easily, O'Neil? I was inside your head for months, I embedded myself into your mind. I'm a part of you now, April, you can't rid yourself of me."

"No, that can't be." April shook her head, feeling the panic begin to take over. She beat her months ago—she used her tanto and struck the aeon, killing her and finally defeating her, so how was she back?

A dream. This had to be a dream.

"Of course it's a dream," Za-Naron said, reading her mind. "But that doesn't make it any less real. I'm still here, waking or asleep, and still have the same amount of control over your conscious. It's just a little clearer here."

A dream? More like a nightmare.

"This isn't you!"

A distance plea sent a shiver down her spine, and April's eyes widened when she saw it. Donnie, hand outstretched towards her past self, fear and terror and courage in his eyes. And so much trust in her, even as she threatened his life. He trusted in her strength.

"You can do it, I know you can!"

And April watched her past self struggle, eyes showing every moment of change, fighting back against the crystal... only for her to whisper her broken apology.

She surrendered the fight.

"April! Please!" In the present, April squeezed her eyes shut, unable to watch as her past self let Za-Naron win, let her turn her into a monster, into a murderer. She couldn't watch.

Somewhere, Za-Naron grinned.

"I killed you once," April whispered once more, fists clenched and closed eyes brimming with tears. "And I- I can do it again. Show yourself!"

"Didn't you hear me, girl?" Za-Naron demanded, "You may have killed my physical form and conscious self, but there will always be a part of me still inside you, inside your head. Our souls are intertwined too tightly to ever unravel... You and I, April O'Neil, are one and the same."

"I am not you!" April cried out as the brothers screamed in the distance, watching as past April destroyed one of their own. She turned her back on the memory, floating over to a nearby rooftop to plant her feet on solid ground. "I was never you, and I never wanted to do what you did. You forced me!"

April pulled out her tessen, holding it up defensively and turning around, searching for where Za-Naron had to be hiding. She prayed there was still a physical form she could fight.

"Forced you? I hardly think that. You chose to keep the crystal, even when your so-called 'family' warned you otherwise. You chose to take it back when the turtle and rat stole it away from you, and you chose to listen to me."

"I chose nothing," April hissed, "I didn't know. I never wanted any of this!"

Casey screamed out her name as her past self ran away, flying past her and landing on a rooftop several blocks away. There, the memory collapsed and sobbed, staring at her own broken reflection in a muddy puddle.

"You never wanted any of this?" With only her voice, Za-Naron grinned, poisonous humor lacing itself through every word. April froze when she felt a hand, light as snow yet as heavy as the entire ocean, gently gripped her shoulder. She couldn't move, even when the being leaned forward to whisper into her ear.

"Then why did you admit you missed me?"

April screamed, jumping back and slicing her tessen through the air behind her, only just missing Za-Naron when she moved out of the way. The aeon laughed, cruel and relentless. April clenched her jaw tightly.

"I didn't know it was you!" She screamed. Za-Naron hummed in thought.

"But you didn't really need to know who I was, did you? You admitted you missed the power my crystal gave you—the power I gave to you. You could have been a goddess, April. You and I would punish the evildoers of this world and we could have made it better. You would have been perfect, but look at you now. You're a mess."

Blinking through tears with her teeth barred, April shook her head.

"I wasn't a goddess. I was a murderer."

"A murderer?"

"I killed my best friend!" Now past-Raphael's scream was ringing throughout the city, as her past self tried to do to him what she had done to Donnie. April shook her head. "I killed him and I tried to kill his family—my family! You call that perfect? I killed Donnie!"

"The mutant?" Za-Naron scoffed. "He was interrupting our plans. He was nothing but a hindrance, and he had to go or else we would not have succeeded. you did the right thing there, April. Your only flaw was ever undoing it."

A flash of lightning snapped across the sky as the alternate future ran through her mind. What if she hadn't been able to save Donnie? What if was lost forever, and she had to live with the regret all her life? What if it was impossible to resurrect the dead?

Or worse... what if she had simply chosen not to?

"I did the right thing?" She asked softly, clutching her tessen tighter, feeling the sparks erupt from her fingertips send a shiver down her spine. She closed her eyes.

"Of course you did the right thing," Za-Naron replied, taking a step forward. "Difficult decisions have to be made for the good in the long run, April. I may not be here in the same way I once was, and you may not have the crystal anymore, but you're still powerful. It's not too late."

April took a deep breath in.

Across the city, her past self clutched her head, fingers digging into her scalp as the memories threatened to overwhelm her. Memories of Donnie, both good and bad, flooded her mind. They started on that fateful night, when Donnie and his brothers stepped in to save her, a stranger, out of the goodness of their hearts. They'd only grown closer since that day, stumbling over rocky roads and troubling betrayals... yet they always ended up closer than they had started. There was no one on Earth that April O'Neil trusted more than Donatello.

April remembered his smile, his awkward invitations, his bravery, his mistakes...

And his death by her hand.

Across the city, her team surrounded her past self, and that April fell to her knees, screaming in agony. She ripped the crystal from her neck.

And in the present, when April finally opened her eyes to Za-Naron's gaze, they were purely white. She dropped her tessen to the ground and raised her hand.

"You're right. I am still powerful," She whispered, eyes glowing," And that's why you can never control me again."

Both April's screamed out a war cry. In the present, April ran and lunged at the aeon with all she had. A burst of electricity and power enveloped her body and then blasted towards Za-Naron, who held up her hands in defense and desperately tried to create and hold her glowing shield of energy.

But the shield she made shattered the same moment the crystal in the memory did.

"No!"

April glowed brighter and flew into the sky, looking downwards on the screaming aeon. April relished in the pain of the memories, her regret and shame no longer weighing down; they only empowered her. She channeled the guilt into the need for justice and vengeance, as her power grew brighter and brighter. The stars in the sky were nothing to her.

The aeon gasped and slumped to the ground.

April slowly lowered her hand, but stayed where she was, floating in the sky. She looked down upon the battered and bruised being, eyes narrowed with judgment, still glowing with power, looking every bit of the goddess she was told she could be.

"It's evil like you that needs to be punished," April hissed out, "You're nothing but pain and suffering. If I have to kill you a hundred times over every single night for the rest of my life to keep you from escaping and infecting this world, then I'll do it. I swear I'll do it."

Za-Naron opened her eyes slowly, staring up at April with an awestruck look, and April shook her head.

"That's how I can save this world."

She turned, ready to fly off into the night and finally wake up from this nightmare. But just as she started to leave, a quiet chuckle stopped her. She froze.

"You'll cleanse the world of pain by killing those who stand in your way?" Za-Naron asked, a weak grin plastered onto her face. "Then it seems that you may have learned something from me after all."

April stared straight ahead, feet never touching the ground.

"Yeah," She muttered, "I guess I have."

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