#I hope they're doing well. and if they're arospec that they found labels that suited them

[aroacearborvitae]

I never wanted to have a crush. that took me years to realize, even after I accepted I'm aro. the actions people described abt having one and romance and dating all seemed boring or stressful or stupid. I didn't want to be swept off my feet or look into someone's eyes over a candelit dinner, I'd trip you right back and I hate eye contact.

but I thought I wanted to have one for years and years bc society's messaging decided that romance/crush = happiness. the two concepts were inextricably linked. having a crush, pursuing romance, will make you happy. this is the only way you can be truly happy and fulfilled. otherwise you will be empty and sad. you want to feel wanted and loved, right? and as a 15 yr old with depression... I wanted to be happy. I wanted someone to snatch me from my life and shitty brain and make me feel out my mind with joy, like every story and every song and every person said would happen, a rush of emotion that would fix everything.

and I think separating those concepts in my mind was one of the best things I ever did, bc it helped me accept that this will never happen to me, I don't want it to, and my happiness will come from my own strength of will! 💚

#aro #aromantic #I am procrastinating an essay. hi #mine #thinking abt being 14 and googling ''is it normal to not ever have had a crush?'' #and getting answers that never said anything abt aspecs but there were ppl like ''yes I'm 19 and I never had one! you're fine!'' #I hope they're doing well. and if they're arospec that they found labels that suited them #the hits