#I just feel like there is almost a cult mindset around some very popular blogs

[fuckingarataswespeak]

Anyways,, wayhaven drama is stressful. So I'm gonna say goodbye to some of the fandom

i was going to write in the tags but i guess ill do it under the read more because ive got too much 2 say

Alright, I know I don't owe anyone an explanation but for some reason I feel like I'm being selfish?? I'm probably going to unfollow most of the twc blogs. There are some of you that I really get along with and I still love your content that I will keep following however! I don't want to cut TWC out of my life entirely but if I'm being honest? I can't keep up.

Tumblr has been great for my mental health in the past with learning more about ADHD and learning to accept my sexuality but right now it feels hostile. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells in the TWC fandom. I'm not even a TWC blog! Not even that many TWC people follow me! I made this blog in 2018 because I wanted to follow Mishka, but this was never a TWC blog. I love these games, and they arent just some hyperfixation. They are an interest that I've had for a long time, and also helped me come to terms with my sexuality. I know it might seem silly but finally deciding to try and romance F!UB instead of M!UB helped me come to terms that I can love people if they aren't men!!

But like I said I've liked wayhaven for a good while now! I go through times where I don't really want to talk about wayhaven because I don't want to burn out my enjoyment because i was too intense about it for too long. I just can't really keep up with the fandom. It's a fictional story, about fictional vampires. It's okay to love something a lot and want to talk about it a lot but personally I just cannot handle the intensity of some things happening. I want to keep this as a game I can escape into. I don't want to be keeping track of all the latest drama and seeing Mishka get 'Cancelled' or stuff like that.

There is just so much passive aggressiveness and negativity in the posts I see, so I simply,, do not want to see them. I don't want to be a part of a fandom where ppl can't just block and forget someone they don't like and instead harass them, or seeing/hearing about s*lf h*rm and su*cide baiting going on. I just don't want to feel like there is a right way to enjoy twc and that I'm doing it wrong. I'm still going to make and reblog art though!

#do not reblonk #I am NOT looking for fights #In case you stumbled across this and are in the mood to be aggressive with someone today please dont #I'm 15 and i have to think about stuff like my art projects not about getting bullied by angry adults #i get a lot of the stuff going on are just jokes but they aren't jokes i find funny #I just feel like there is almost a cult mindset around some very popular blogs #Like okay this person is popular so everything they say is correct and if they have beef it is now MY beef and I will fight for them #girl thats not healthy fksdlfkjsd #twc #the wayhaven chronicles #babberblabs

[nonbinarypastels]

you're not obligated to forgive people who have hurt you. you're not obligated to brush off the hurt with a smile and politeness. you're not obligated to respond to hurt in any particular way or to explain to the person who has hurt you what they did wrong and how it made you feel. whether a person intended to hurt you or not, you are still hurt and are entitled to feel how you feel and respond to that how you may.

however, that being said--

i think there's absolutely a difference between someone who says/does something hurtful because they lack the education to know that it is hurtful and someone who says/does something hurtful out of willful ignorance or malice. i also think that not all hurts are created equally.

the thing is this: people are not perfect. people make mistakes. people slip up and fuck up and they say and do things that hurt other people. everyone on this planet at some point has hurt another person either with their words or their actions. not a single one of us is innocent in that and anyone who claims they are--that they have never, in their entire life, said or done something that hurt someone else--is either lying to make themselves look and feel superior to everyone else or is honestly so oblivious to the way their words/actions affect others that they have never considered the possibility that they could have done something hurtful somewhere along the line.

now, decent people? decent people realize the mistakes they've made. whether immediately or later on, they realize those mistakes and they apologize for them. they make the decision to try as hard as they can to not make those same mistakes again. they grow as human beings and as they do so they grow to care more about other people and how their words and actions can affect them. and as terrible as certain things and people in the world can be, as much as turning on the news makes me want to turn it off again five minutes later, as easy as it is to be a cynical buzzing hive of negativity and hatred---even with all of that, i still think that most of the people in the world are decent people.

but on tumblr there are so many people who do not believe this. there are so many people who subscribe to the polarizing idea that there is only good or bad, that people are defined by mistakes they made a year or two or five ago, that small fuck ups are worthy of the same response you'd give big ones, that no apology counts and no one is allowed to make up for their mistakes or ever be defined by more than them. nuance goes out the window, the middleground may as well not exist on any issue, the us vs. them mentality is alive and thriving and, quite frankly, poisoning all of us and the way we think and feel and behave.

it's unfair to generalize a website with literally millions of users and i would never say that all of tumblr is awful because there are so many good, wonderful people on here but within the website there are so many sections that are vile, that act as echo chambers, that are almost cult-like in the way they operate and the way the people who dominate them behave. there are so many people here who put on a performance of perfection and righteousness and who cyberbully and harass other users for their 'cause' who cannot even for a moment consider that what they are doing is wrong no matter what their motivations may be.

so, to the point of the post: people make mistakes, people hurt other people, and the people who are hurt are in no way obligated to forgive them or respond to that hurt in any certain way. this is all true and good and right. the problem is that on tumblr so many people have such an expectation of perfection from everyone around them that making mistakes--something that, again, literally every single person does--is an Ultimate Sin that is impossible to get over or ever make up for. people will regularly dig up a single thing that someone said 10 years ago and never repeated again in order to condemn them today, no explanations asked or allowed for. all mistakes are equal to the worst mistakes and should be responded to the same way, people who make a hurtful mistake by accident and who genuinely apologize for it are just as bad as people who purposefully and willfully harm you without a care in the world, and nuance and the reality of human imperfection cease to exist and god help anyone who tries to disagree.

this is all bullshit.

intent matters. what a person says matters. the reason they said it matters. the context they said it in matters. how they respond to you when you call them out matters. and whether they genuinely make the effort to not fuck up again or they don't care and continue to do it even after being told it's hurtful matters.

the entire whole of a situation matters, not just pieces of it. it's not just about the what but the why, the how, the who, and the what comes after.

since i'm posting this on a nonbinary focused blog i'll give a gender related example of what i'm talking about:

let's say i post on a forum where my gender identity is not listed in my signature or profile and i have no talked about it in a post. another user replies to a post i made and, for whatever reason, nonchalantly assumes i'm a man. i correct them by saying i'm actually agender. the user apologizes, edits their post, and does not repeat the mistake again.

now let's say that i post on a forum where my gender identity is visbly listed, where i made a post specifically talking about being agender, and a user replies that i have to be either a man or woman with some more nbphobic shit. i reply correcting them but they continue to insist that there are only 2 genders and show zero sign of changing their mind and they just continue to get more and more hostile with their language.

these 2 scenarios feature the same mistake, my being misgendered, but they are not the same thing. the first person misgendered me by accident in a post that was otherwise just a normal reply to whatever i was saying, apologized when corrected, and made an effort to not repeat the mistake; the second person willfully chose to misgender me, was not at all apologetic when called out, and continued to misgender me even after. i was still misgendered in both scenarios and i would still feel badly about it in both scenarios but the people who hurt me were coming from two very different places and how i responded to that hurt reflects that.

when someone makes a mistake it is important to, again, consider the WHOLE situation:

-what did they say/do?

-why did they say/do it?

-do they have a history of saying/doing things like this?

-how did they respond when called out?

-did they repeat the same behavior after this incident?

there are exceptions to this---certain things are blatantly, obviously known to be wrong by pretty much everyone and are impossible to say/do by accident, and i do believe that certain things are quite inexcusable and unforgiveable---but there are so many situations where someone says something hurtful because they are simply speaking with a lack of information to know that it is hurtful in the first place or because of just a very human slip of the tongue and those situations, imo, are not at an equal level of horridness with those made by people who are acting out of malice or a lack of care for the feelings of the people around them.

other people can disagree---again, you're not obligated to forgive a mistake or to respond to it in a certain way---but in any case i think it's incredibly important to keep in mind that everyone makes mistakes, not all mistakes are created equally, and we should consider how we would want someone to treat us after we have made a mistake when we are dealing with other people. black and white thinking is, honestly, a terrible way to approach other people and this popular mindset on tumblr that people are incapable of changing and growing is not only incredibly unhealthy but it's also such an unrealistic view of the world. everyone is going to fuck up, everyone is going to make mistakes, and most people are going to apologize for those mistakes and work hard not to make them again. expecting perfection from everyone all the time is only setting yourself up for a life of disappointment, loneliness, and failure because perfection doesn't exist. it's much better to strive for growth, care, and kindness in the people around you and yourself. not only is it easier to achieve than perfection but it's a lot less stressful to expect from others too.

#self care #nbphobia tw / #long post /