#I just woke up from a fat nap and I’m ready to type again lol

[quotemenevervore]

Ok, so here me out. What if Phil or techno made the potion for whenever Phil has nesting instincts(or techno; I think you said that he and Phil had similar instincts).

So I have plans for fics involving sbi in the au, but I’ll go ahead and talk about them here too :)

They knew about the potion before it was even introduced to the manhunts or the SMP. As both have similar instincts, they both use the potion to help the other out when it gets bad. Both are unfortunately too stubborn to let the other know when it’s getting rough, so it’s usually the one playing prey to initiate it since they’ve both gotten very good at reading the other.

Tommy and Wilbur sometimes get involved with noms too, but not to the extent of some of the others on the server. Wilbur is also an avian hybrid, but his instincts don’t get to a point where he loses control, like Quackity. Usually, someone’s willing to help if he explains the situation to them. Usually it’s the other sbi members, but once he started pestering Quackity upon Las Nevadas being made and accidentally let slip to him that he had instincts, and Quackity straight up went “oh shit you need help with that?” He explained upon the shocked look he received that he and Sapnap have been using the shrinking potion and helping with instincts the other was fighting with. He didn’t mention his instincts hitting him harder than the other avians, but Wilbur has once found him borderline feral once, so he knows. The duo even begins to help each other out if Quackity’s so bad he wouldn’t be able to find anyone else.

Tommy is not an avian hybrid, and he gets nommed constantly for time outs. Sometimes when he’s getting overly rowdy, or he does something that makes others mad, he gets time outs by being nommed. He’s never been scared of it, but sometimes he craves the comfort it brings him sometimes. Wilbur’s the first to find that out, and slowly more people who can safely nom figure it out. Quackity and Sapnap have both also nommed Tommy at some point when the kid was going through a rough patch.

Phil and Techno wind up being the ones who nom Tommy and Wilbur the most, and nobody noms Techno or Phil other than the other.

Sometimes Techno wakes up at night cold thanks to them living in the arctic and can’t fall back asleep, or the voices become too much for him to handle. Phil wakes up pretty easily, makes them tea, puts the shrinking potion in the other’s cup with his consent, and they’ll spend the night curled up by the fireplace, Techno resting peacefully in the avian’s crop. Techno never really catches Phil in a bad state, but sometimes he does find the other upset about something of the past and he’ll do the same thing.

There we are! I know the question had originally been about techno and Phil but they are kinda a package deal with the family dynamic, so I went ahead and introduced the other two too!

#mcyt g/t #mcyt vore #safe vore #soft vore #mcyt gt #vore talk #shrunken manhunt #g/t vore #asks #love talking about this au honestly #I just woke up from a fat nap and I’m ready to type again lol

[jodilin65]

So Tom thinks you should be able to move to another country. This is when I asked him what he thought of the immigration situation which I do not support. He has a point but I think there should be limits. Too much is simply too much. We only have so many jobs, doctors, and housing here.

Slept horribly again. Strange sounds woke me up that Tom said he didn’t hear, then I had to get up and pee, and then I couldn’t breathe out of my nose because part of my nose strip came off. Tom swore he didn’t hear any loud bangs and he checked the camera for the time I thought I heard a loud engine of some kind and didn’t see anything. He told me the other day when he was napping that he could have sworn he heard someone knocking on the door, got up and checked, but no one was there. Then he checked the camera to see if he missed anyone and he didn’t. So I guess that sometimes these things are in our dreams. I swear whatever is up there is hell-bent on doing whatever it can to fuck with my sleep!

Well, I can’t fight back against the imagined sounds, the occasional nightmares, or the screaming bladder, but I’m now pretty sure that my nose - which is getting stuffier by the minute - is because of the losartan. It makes no sense that after being here for over two years, I would develop allergies like this or that it would be from the rat even though she’s close to the bedrooms when we had two to four rats in the other place and I didn’t have this problem. The only animals I’m allergic to are cats and they affect my lungs, not my nose. So I think the losartan is responsible for the stuffiness and the snoring as well, which also started around the same time.

It’s not dangerous to stop BP meds for a while and couldn’t cause the problems that stopping my thyroid meds would cause so I’m going to hopefully have an answer within a few days to a week, according to my research. I might have to try something else or not take anything and really watch my sodium intake and hope I don’t get kidney damage from the high blood pressure if I’m not able to get the weight off, or if I am and it doesn’t help. Not everyone with high blood pressure gets kidney damage, though, just like not everyone with high cholesterol has a heart attack, and not all fat people become diabetic. There’s just an increased risk, but not a guarantee.

I still expect to have some fatigue because my thyroid still isn’t perfect and I’m still older but I’m pretty sure I never had sleep apnea. Dozed for an hour earlier which helped a bit but I’m still quite exhausted. I’m very grateful for speech-to-text because sitting up typing all this would be a bit of a drag on those really tired days.

Sleep was horrible, as I said. I had to have woken up at least half a dozen times and one of the times it was hard to get back to sleep. First I thought I heard or at least felt a couple of thumps, then a loud engine, then I had to pee, then it was my nose, and then I had an awful dream about getting ready to move back to my home state with my parents. I didn’t know Tom in the dream. I’m not sure where my parents and I were living but we weren’t living together at the time. They were in the process of looking for a place up north for the three of us and I made them a tearful video trying to explain my sleep disorder to them, knowing they wouldn’t get it.

As for the diet, I was horribly hungry and tired yesterday, so I’m going to take today off as Tom suggested and then rethink how I’m going to approach it from there. I can definitely say that 1200 calories is too low for me in this day and age. It takes more calories for me to feel good than when I was younger. So if I feel comfortable with 1600 calories a day as I usually do, that’s probably what my body needs. Besides, I’m not that big so there’s no point in being obsessed over my weight other than in Andy’s imagination, lol. The question is what direction do I want to go? Do I want to add 100 calories at a time until I feel better but might still be able to lose weight, or start at something like 1500 a day and deduct 100 calories at a time till I’m not feeling as good and adjust from there?

It might rain today. This is definitely the wettest winter since we’ve been here. Seems a bit colder too but if there’s any good in it it’s that it’s keeping the honker off his motorcycle more often.

I was in the bathroom in the evening when I heard those dogs going off and I swear they sounded like they were in the field behind the house. Then the barking quickly faded away as if they ran around the corner of a building which makes me think even more that they’re behind us and not coming from that subdivision. Because sounds travel easier in cooler weather they were almost to the point of being annoying.

[im-not-a-writer]

Jacob Frye x Reader ~ CHAPTER 6 (angst)

~~~ Sorry for the break guys I know it’s been a long time!! I got really lazy and all of my motivation ran away from me haha, and then I went on a roadtrip and I had no time to type so anyways! Here we go! the next chapter will be the last sooooo, im sorry for this it isn’t fun lol ~~~

Time continued on since your first mission, it rolled by slowly like a wagon fat with cargo. You continued to work and hone your skills with the help of Evie and Jacob and not a single day went by in which you wasted your training. Sadly as a result of your new career you’ve been seeing less and less of your little brother, your time spent together was limited to just a hug here and there and a casual, ‘How have you been?’ Eddy was growing up fast and it seemed like every time you saw him he was an inch taller and his sassy demeanor was growing just as quick. Of course you felt horrible for leaving him all these days but you both had jobs to do and responsibilities to uphold.

Despite how grown up he was passing off as he was still just a boy, such a fact was made evident one night after dinner; Jacob had just left to return to the train when Eddy stumbled into the flat with a black eye and a split lip that would make even the hardest criminals cringe. His grey hat was sideways on his head and his hair was a ruffled mess, blood was smeared across his face from what looked to be a bloody nose and his sideways smile wasn’t doing much to help his split lip.

“Good evening sista!” He chuckled to himself and waved before nearly collapsing on the kitchen table. “You this look evening lovely tonight!” His words tumbled out of his mouth accompanied by the smell of rum. “I didn’t say that quite right did I?” He corrected with a grin and a hiccup.

“Dear God Eddy, are you drunk!?” You grabbed him and helped him steady himself before returning to your interrogation, “Why do you look like you tried to fight a train? Who were you with? How do you know where the bars are? Do I have to go fight the wanker that did this to you?” You asked him, words flying from your lips.

“Calm down I’m not drunk- hic, im just… you know who is drunk-hic… you are,” Eddy staggered again before tumbling down to the floor.

A sigh left your lips and you watched as he curled up in a fetal position at your feet like a fat house cat after a large meal. You brought him over to the couch, knowing very well that he wouldn’t be able to make it up the stairs, you tossed a blanket over him and sat down in the chair by his side. Memories of childhood rushed back to you as you watched him doze off contently, you remembered the days when he was just a boy when he would spend all of his energy running and playing, he would always come nap on the couch until he was ready to jump up and do it all again. Eddy was constantly moving as a child and he almost always came home with a new scrape or bruise from his daily activities, to which you would sit with him and patch him up if need be while mother watched and smiled lovingly and father would chuckle and shake his head.

Eddy was the only thing you had left of your family, the only thing that reminded you of home back when your life was simple and void of assassins and gangs. Of course you loved the life you lived now, danger and all, still a family would not be too bad. You smiled to yourself and leaned your head back allowing an image to manifest in your head. You could imagine you, Jacob, and Eddy, living up north in some little cottage, a horse grazing in the feild and a dog sleeping on the porch, a little Jacob or two running around chasing the chickens. Of course it was only a fantasy, you told yourself. A wonderful fantasy, you corrected before slipping off to sleep.

You woke up in the same spot you fell asleep in, a pain shot through your neck and you let out a groan as you sat up and cracked you sore spine, delighting in the feeling of your vertebrae coming back where they should be after eight hours of sleeping in an uncomfortable chair rather than your fluffy bed upstairs. You turned to see the couch vacant of your brother and you assumed that he would be already off to the streets to start his day. It didn’t take long you for you to get ready for your day as well, in some thirty minutes you were dressed and ready in your new assassin robes, Evie thought it was only right that you got to design your own rather than continue to borrow one of her old ones. You stared at yourself in the mirror as you made sure your weapons were secure. The robes fit you perfectly and they were a stunning shade of dark red with gold accents and black trousers, a perfect mixture of danger and elegance.

“Good morning beautiful,” Jacob slipped in through the window, a wide grin on his face. He closed the window behind him and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into his chest.

“Good morning,” You smiled and leaned back into his embrace.

"How did you sleep?” He rocked you slightly from side to side as he set his chin on your head.

“Fine but I woke up terribly sore, I slept on the armchair because Eddy came home piss drunk last night,” You sighed and felt exhaustion rest on your shoulders.

Jacob went straight to work on your back, his strong hands digging in deep  pressing the sleep away from your body. You sighed in content and allowed him to work there for a bit before you turned around and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek.

“When did you start drinking?” You asked Jacob as you straightened your blades.

“Ah… well um…. Hell if I remember! How old is Eddy again?” He chuckled and his cheeks flushed red.

“I’m going to guess you got an early start,” You laughed and took his hand leading him outside.

When you finally left the flat you were greeted with a bright cloudless day, rare for this time of year and in London of all places. The city seemed to be enjoying the weather as well seeing that even at such an early hour people were out and the city was alive. You took jacobs right arm and walked with him, chatting about this and that until you passed by a mother and child on the street and you couldn’t help but stop and smile at the baby. His bright blue eyes twinkled like the clear sky above and his chubby hands reached out towards the heavens making his mother giggle and readjust her grip on the tot.

“Oh would you look at him,” You gushed, putting your hands over your heart and sighing, “He is just precious,”

“Yeah, he’s cute… come on,” Jacob shrugged off and pulled you to continue walking with him.

The street started to get tighter with people as you approached the nearby train station and you had to pull yourself tightly to Jacob to continue talking to him.

“They’re pretty fun..” You said nervously.

“What trains?” Jacob asked absentmindedly.

“No, babies!” You tugged on him slightly.

“Oh! Yes, I suppose, lot of work though,” He continued.

“Well of course it’s easier when you have help,” You nodded and stared up at him, wondering if he was catching on.

“I suppose, I don’t know I’m not a baby expert,” He stared blankly off at the crowd.

You sighed and continued pushing through the swarm of people before stopping and pulling him to a stop with you.

“Jacob….I think I want to have-”

“Pardon me, miss (l/n), this is for you,” A short man wearing a bowler hat stopped you before you could finish. His face was sagging with age but his steely grey eyes were alert and shifty. He handed you a box, dark in color with a gold plated lid and terribly light in weight, and before you could even ask he was gone, melted into the crowd.

You cocked an eyebrow and set your fingers on the lid of the box. Jacob stepped forward nervously and scanned the crowd for the man before putting a hand on your shoulder. You opened it up with a subtle creak and you stared wide-eyed at the contents. It was a hat, grey and soft with years of use wearing away at the edges, there wasn’t anything special about it, it was like the thousands of hats young boys across the city of London wore and yet you knew it like the back of your hand. A chill washed over you, shooting down your spine and spreading to your fingers and toes.

“Jacob…” You gasped breathlessly.

You continued, your shaking hands traveled to the hat and you lifted it up hesitantly. You felt a knot tie itself in your stomach as you brought the hat out of the box and brought it closer to you, then from under the hat you saw it. Three inches of ivory tones and pink knuckles burned itself into your memory, the knot in your stomach gave a violent twist and you felt the earth spin around you. Your mind went blank, your body entirely numb, spots clouded your vision and your hands trembled as the image of your brothers severed finger burned itself into your mind. Your stomach twisted and lurched as your head spinned and only one thing ran through your mind, ‘find him’.

Jacob held onto you tightly as you clutched the box with shaking hands, he turned his head frantically before spotting his train sitting at the platform. In one fluid motion you were in his arms and he was bounding towards the train.

“Evie! EVIE!” he practically screamed placing you down on the sofa, taking the box from your still quaking hands.

“What is it?” She called, sauntering over from the next car over.

“Stay with her,” He panted before shoving the box in his sisters hands.

She gawked at him dumbfounded and looked down at you, “What the hell is going on?”

“Someone has her brother, I’m going to go find him,” He turned and wet to jump out the train before you stopped him.

Your mind was numb, he had been your only shred of a normal life, your family, your brother, he was everything. Your thoughts flashed back to the image you had of him as just a boy, running around and smiling, his sweet giggles filling the air; all of that was gone in an instant, burning up into flames and taking your shock with it. He was gone, and you had to get him back.

“No.” Your voice broke and you stood up, the shakiness left your body and you straightened yourself. “I’m going, I need to find him.”

Jacob put his hand on your shoulder and shook his head, “No, you are staying here with Evie,”

With the absence of your shock something else started to take you over, starting at the pit of your stomach and rising up to your mind, you felt anger bubbling within you and without a second thought you pushed him away.  

“I need to find him Jacob, I’m going,” You growled and rubbed your face on your sleeve, “Follow me if you want but I’m going with or without you,”

“Just hold on, we need to think about this,” Evie put her hands out in front of her as if to keep you at bay. “Obviously they’re trying to get to you and if you go running around without a plan you might just give them what they want.”

You huffed and looked at her, “So then I give them what they want, I march right into the blighters camp and I get my brother back,”

“How do you know this is gang related?” Jacob shot back at you and cocked an eyebrow. He was getting frustrated as well and you could tell he was itching to get out there and fight.

“I just know it is Jacob! He joins your fucking gang and he gets hurt, I’m going to go get him,” Jacob narrowed his eyebrows at you and before he could open his mouth and fight back you took off running, disappearing into the crowd.

A growl left his lips and he shook his head violently. “That blasted woman she’s going to get herself killed,”

“Not if you trained her right, go after her.” She set the box down and sighed, “Henry and I will figure out what we can.”

“Thank you..” He adjusted his boots and turned to follow after you, a twinge of fear set in as he started running from the train. Your words continued to ring in his ears, you blamed him, this was his fault and it wouldn’t be easy to win your trust again after this, it was his choice to let Eddy into the Rooks and it was his choice to make you an Assassin. Guilt rested on his chest as he sped off into the streets scanning left and right for any sign of you.

You made your way into the alley your steps devolving from a run to wide heavy strides, carrying you deeper into the true underground of the city. Even in the bright light of the day prostitutes were already out, leaning on wood fences and brick walls, rough looking men swapped money for weapons and children with dirty faces and quick fingers skipped from the shadows with purses fat with coin or finely polished pocket watches in their hands. Your feet squished in the filth below you and flies buzzed past your ears but you didn’t twitch nor did you swat at it, you continued forward until you saw them. Two men both dressed in red from the top down, their signature wool jackets marking them like targets. You approached them swiftly and they turned in response, smirking slightly but their smirks were erased when you plunged your hidden blade in the stomach in the man of your left and grabbed the man on your right, throwing him down and stepping on his chest. Blood leaked out of the stab victim and his friend gasped and sputtered under you.

“Bring me to your leader right now or I will gut you like a fish,” You pressed down harder with your foot and flicked your wrist ejecting your blood stained blade once again.

“That’s the plan my dear,” A voice behind you spat and before you could turn to see the speaker there was a sharp pain on the back of your head and everything went black.

~Taglist~~

@littlewhitefairy7777 @temerey @talesfromassassiansguardian @eliffromthebrotherhood @i-am-totes-sherlocked @icarrotcake @seapandaftw @pwedatorpanda @comic-freak @nunalula

#jacob frye x reader #Assassin's Creed #assassin's creed fanfic #assassin's creed x reader #assassin's creed imagine #Assassin's Creed Syndicate #jacob frye #jacob frye imagine #evie frye #Frye twins #video games

[defunctblogtobedeleted]

6/25/17, 5:30am - idk

Another long two weeks on the books. I really like this update schedule, it’s like just long enough that I don’t forget everything that happened lol.

 I had a really weird dream sometime this week. It was kind of amazing, so I feel like writing about it for a sec. I was on some like cobblestoney/brickey kind of streets. A little bit Doctor Who London meets Chapel Hill I suppose, and all around me people were starting to riot. I think it was a feminist riot like I had encouraged Cullen to do months ago, and people were starting to shoot at each other. I was like duck this and took off running, but as I made my way down these outdoor escalators by a target I got scooped up by a group of five girls. Each of them grabbed a hold of one of my limbs and held me down and the last had a bat and was ready to smash my junk to pieces. I was like crying or something screaming not to hit my balls because they were still fragile lmao. When all seemed lost and I was about to take a beating one of the girls got bit by a fucking zombie on the neck and started gushing blood. All the girls freaked and I knew it was my time to get the fuck out of there so I bolted like hell. I ended up finding a laundromat tucked into a corner of this outdoor mall and so I decided to build myself a barricade there. I let in a little girl and her family, and they helped me move the washers and dryers, stacking them up (I guess I was superhuman or they weighed like nothing) to build a giant barricade at the entrance. We were safe from the zombies for a while, but some government agency started taking them down outside. What looked like an enormous leech made its way inside, and I held it up to see that it had a big mouth and teeth in the center of its belly. One of the zombies tried to make a big enough crack in the washers to get in, and I held up the leech who ate the zombie whole. But the government or somebody was trying to get us to come out of our hiding spot, saying they only needed one of us. When the family decided they were going to get rid of me because they didn’t know me I decided that this was bullshit because it was MY hiding spot, and furiously threw the leech out of the place. It landed in the middle of a small platoon of guys and exploded, turning them all into zombies. Then I was like holy shit this got even weirder and I woke up lol.

____

So anyway, Sunday I managed to get a nap in before heading out to pick up frankie. we talked for a while while fonzi was getting ready and all headed out to this food truck rodeo. We had some of the most delicious shit. Not gonna elaborate too much, but there were these pork belly bun sandwiches that exploded with a crackling of meat flavor and rounded with the savoryness of the fat in every bite. Holy shit I could eat them like every day of my life lol. We spent a good couple hours there, started doing this meme where Fonzi decided that Frankie looked like a celebrity from new york because her hair is all blonde too now. Since Sean and Angel didn’t come to meet us, we decided to hang out at angel’s for a bit. Just chilled and talked for a while while we deliberated whether or not to go swimming. When we finally decided to it was sunset, so his pool was closed, and then we tried to go to my pool but it was padlocked. Pretty damn disappointing, but we walked around catching fireflies and listening to music, which was nice. I took frankie home, but missed a turn and then a road was closed so we ended up detouring through chapel hill, and I decided we needed to stop and take a walk through the arboretum. Ended up going to one of the little grassy openings and in this big oak(?) tree up above us the fireflies must have been mating. In that particular tree they lit up every couple of seconds, making it sparkle in the night. There were so many fireflies that it was like a constant twinkling, like moving christmas light strung up between the leaves. It was beautiful. But not romantic in any sense unfortunately. lmfaooo she called me out asking if I was going to try to make out with her while we walked into the garden and I tried to play it off coyly like “who me? You were the one who kissed me last I remember.” and she had forgotten about this time that I may have actually imagined in my head so who fucking knows. The long and short of it is it seems like there isn’t an ounce of me that she’s attracted to. So that might work really well if I randomly decide to take her up on her aloof offer to move in with her in Boston one day. Who knows. I stll don’t know what I want to do.

Mon - work. Tony told me at the last minute I wouldn’t have patients that weekend, so I had to work mon and weds and take a hit on tuesday to follow through on my date with Katy

Tuesday I kicked some fucking assssss in doubles. Carried my buddy Will hard to get some experience for BMR. And Katy came after she got off work! I got to introduce her to ashleigh, it was sick. I was so fucking happy to have her there and so excited to get laid and so tired from burning out from doubles that I got demolished in singles and took off. Butttt unfortunately katy wasn’t feeling well so she fell asleep on me like Immediately when we got home. Was nice cuddling up with her though. Was torn for a while because I felt like I should be trying to hang out with Ashleigh and Aaron instead. Decided not to because she wasn’t feeling well and I should try to make her feel better because I’m a sappy fuck.

weds - work

thurs - had another really low key day with Katy. kinda just hung out until she got off work and then we just slept again. Bleh.

Luckily since I got the weekend off, it left me free to see Tony and Morgan for their birthday!! It was a fucking awesome weekend, showed up just in time friday night to smoke and go to dinner with everybody. Everybody fucking cheered when I came in the door, it’s like nothing ever changes with us I love all of em so much. Finally got to meet Tony and Morgan’s S.O.’s, and I like them both a lot. Once we were all a little stoned and being a little awk Laura made this hilarious offhand remark “ok, welcome to the conference. These are your friends.” that both became a great in-joke and also made me feel less terrible for being socially inept when I got high as balls for the first time in forever lmfao. Dinner was insanely good, we got like a whole bunch of small dishes at this place Pasteur or something, ate family style and got to try so many different dishes. I remember steak tar tar and this rib that was like eating caveman bacon on a stick being incredible. Also fried pickles and all sorts of stuff. Had a couple beers there, went to a bar and bought tony a tequila shot, got home, pulled the liquor out of my car and everybody got toootally fucking wasted. I don’t remember all that much, a little bit of a nostalgia fest with Alex for a while. Tony made the clutchest move ever ordering us a pizza super late in the night. But not too much later after gorging myself I puked my guts out and crashed on an air mattress with Erica lol. Was probably drunk enough that I might have tried to make moves otherwise, even though she has a bf now apparently you know me -_- . She’s lookin suppper fit nowadays. I think she’s still uniquely the only girl I’ve rejected in my life. Back when I was just a pure little kid and didn’t want to do anything sexual without it being special yet. Fuckin weird typing that now lol it doesn’t sound like me at all.

Saturday was river day, bought some beer and hiked with it about a mile to this river and spent most of the day there smoking drinking and chatting. It was fucking gorgeous out there, and everyone looked great together laying around on this rock. Got to know Dana and her gf much better, and tony’s gf. I think I drank like 5 or 6 beers floating around in the river, it was a lot of fun trying to ford across (it had poured that morning so the water was flowing pretty fast) without spilling any beers lol. Towards the end of us hanging out in the lake me and Laura floated around in this raft morgan had brought, and alex was reeling us in and casting us back out again like he was our dad. Such an excellent day. Until then I hadn’t told anyone about my vasectomy because I didn’t want to take attention away from everyone else, seeing how it had become such a talking piece on our family vacation and how much of my conversation with frankie had revolved around it. But I mentioned it in the river and said that it was because once I found out it was reversible I felt like the onus of birth control shouldn’t be put on the woman. Everyone was just like “huh wow that’s fucking awesome I totally agree,” and I like swam away for a bit instead of discussing it further. But when we were hiking back up to our cars Mike told me “yknow you might’ve started like a revolution back there with the vasectomy thing.” I was pretty fucking drunk and a little high so I honestly wondered if he was just fucking with me for a second, but I really appreciate that he said that after all the shit I got from my family. So that was a long ass afternoon of being out in the sun, and everyone got exhausted and fought to stay up but seemed like after we got back at some point everyone took a turn of getting too high and getting zonked out on the couch. I took a nap in Tony’s bed until his dad got there and got to see him for a bit. More great food was cooked, but I felt bad that I was so tired because I kinda wanted to rage again, especially since some new people came to hang that night, but not people that I knew. As a present Tony got the fire pit from their old house, and it was really neat to have another fire and sit around it with everyone. Sunday Tony and Morgan and some people cooked an enormous breakfast for everyone. Hung out with Mike and Erica and all talked about how good we look now lol. Eventually we said our goodbyes, I stuck around after everyone had left to chill with Mike and Tony for a while because I had nothing to do back at home. Katy decided she didn’t want to chill. I had waited on my dad for a long time to see him for lunch and so I didn’t smoke too much but got a little inebriated and watched nearly a whole season of Silicon Valley with Mike and Tony and his gf and Mary.  Sun - came back at 4, got home at 7, idr that night. Mon - Stayed up until like 6am watching Doctor Who, had to go to chapel hill for a JKCF function at 9, barely slept at all but met some new cooke friends so that was cool. Went to raleigh w/ will to play melee, got suuuper fucked. Went 0-2 in singles AND doubles, the worst placing I’ve had in... well ever, but it’s been months since I’ve had one that bad. Tues - Had a redemption tournament at Geeksboro. Got second place, actually won a little money. Disappointed that I threw away a few games that might’ve given me first but had a lot of fun. Katy told me she was sick that morning, and since she had been no fun to hang out with the last week and she bailed on our plans for Sunday and that day I decided to break things off with her. She was confused and hurt, of course, but I was just like “this is bullshit you’re treating me like I’m not a friend” and we hashed things out about her worrying about me having too strong feelings and that we’d just be friends who have sex and watch cartoons and stuff. So we’ve still been snapping every day but I still haven’t seen her in a while. I’m glad we’re still friends though, I was feeling helllla fucking self conscious for a hot minute.

Weds - I hung out watching Doctor Who most of the day, but went out to the bar Ashleigh was working to hang out for a while. She introduced me to her friend who was kinda plastered and seemed like she was leaning for a kiss on our introductory hug. So I was like woooooooh baby I love gboro people I can’t believe I have to play catchup at fucking 11pm lmao. Chugged a few free beers for this Shocktop promotion, and since I hadn’t eaten anything I got just tipsy enough that I could flirt with her without feeling like a Total asshole. We were chatting about some music and stuff, went inside and danced for the tiniest bit, and then she basically kissed me three times. Nothing egregious or any tongue or anything because I was still wary of her being a little off her ass, but I realized I got a text from ashleigh saying “come talk to me.” I was like “oh what’s up?” and she said “well it doesn’t matter now, it’s just that she’s married, they’re in a rough spot but I didn’t realize it was That rough.” ha haaaaaaaaaaa goddamn just my luck lol. She ended up puking on the side of the bar, I made better friends of a few of the regulars and played pool with them, I hung out with Aaron when he showed up at the end of the night and got to hear about the drama between him and his old roommate, and I sang a bunch of karaoke. Another fucking wonderful night, fshoooo. Got a philly cheesesteak and passed out, was super hungover the next morning lmao.

Thurs - got off work early story of that girl that I posted Fri - work, getting ready for bmr, finally got my spare setup in the office at work I’m so fucking happy it doesn’t make enough noise that it disturbs the patients. I’m gonna be a god one day lolol.

Also just as a benchmark I’m 4 episodes into season 8 of doctor who now. Comin along nicely. Def the hardest I’ve binged on a show in a longggggggg time.

OH and last I learned how to solder on weds. Finally did the work on that controller mod and it fucking brokkkkeee kinda tragic, I had to throw out the guts of the controller that I learned to play the game on. I thought I was going to be fucked for a while, but luckily Will had my back and lent me one of his spares that works even better than the one I had before. Might have actually been lucky as fuck despite being out $50 on the microchips and soldering kit lmao.

Anyway my life is amazing, I’ve been doing personal finance numbers in my head a lot but I think that’s because I’m just reassuring myself that I don’t have to worry about money much anymore. Eating well, still not doing much french fries, trying to quit soda. Started doing pushups+situps+pullups before my showers, so maybe I’ll be a little fitter, even. Life’s pretty great. So fucking excited for BMR2 next weekend, hopefully I’m gonna kick some ass. Gonna be a muchhh nerdier update next time I get on here lol.

[skiasurveys]

I don’t feel like sleeping

What are the initials of the last person you made out with? CIT 

If you found out you were pregnant, who would be the first person to know? Well probably the father for sure, and then my mom and my best friend. 

How old were you when you had your first kiss? 18 years old. Late bloomer lol

Is it awkward when you run into your ex? no, but i havent ran into him actually. he moved away :)

Are you afraid of falling in love? No..i only hate the “restarting” thing when you have to get reclose with someone. But Im already in love 

Does it bother you when people smoke around you? If theyre doing it in my face, yeah.

Your ex is walking next to you, with their new partner, what do you do? Smile probably say Hi, and then walk away. I wouldn’t ignore him because it would jsut make it awkward.

Are there things in your life that you’ll never be able to get over? Probably my assualt and my best friend leaving me

Who was the last person to kiss your cheek? Connor 

What country are you from? Canada 

What’s the second language of your original country? French

Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now? Connor 

Is there anything you are trying to teach yourself? Editing

Was your last kiss drunk or sober? sober i believe

Do you remember who you liked in grade eight? Cole. Oh god. He turned into a drug dealer

Do you tend to fall for the same type of person over and over? eh, kinda. I usually just date people who have the same interest as me, but all my exes have been extremely different.

Were you intoxicated the last time you threw up? I think so..

Has anyone told you they would never leave and left? Yeah my ex best friend. we had a horrible fight, didn’t talk for 3 months, got to beign friends again and she said she would talk to me more about stuff and then she left. oh well.

How much effort would it take for someone to become close to you? Not a lot. Just show you care i guess. 

What was the first thing you said when you woke up today? “damn i woke before my alarm clock”

Who is your most recent ex? Tanner but he was short term. like a month, but we were really close. Dylan would be th second recent

Do you think the last person you kissed is a player? No 

Has anyone of the opposite sex hurt you emotionally? Yeah, actually. 

Are your eyes the same color as your moms or dads? my dads.

Where is the last person you kissed? at his place. either sleeping or gaming.

Has the person you last kissed took their shirt off in front of you? yeah duhh

Single, or taken? Taken.

Have you ever broken anything because you were mad? Kinda.

Have you ever kissed someone in front of your parents? not really. 

Person you last sent a text to? Sasha 

Is it possible to be JUST friends with someone you wanna be with? Yeah you can. Its called being an adult. 

Is there anyone you don’t wanna lose? yep

Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? Nope.

Can money buy happiness? No, but it can buy you things that make you happy and feel secure/safe.

Ever been so drunk someone else had to carry you? No

How many people have you kissed who’s name started with an M? none

Had sex in a movie theater? how the fuck

Have you told anybody you loved them today and meant it? Not today

Would you change your eye color to blue? No i hate blue

Are you a heart breaker? No. I have hurt people in the past. But i don’t go out of my way to hurt them.

Who was the last person who left your life and hurt you? Morgan. we were best friends, really close and he just was turning into a complete cunt. especially when he started to date his new GF. 

Has anybody ever told you that you’re too young to be in love? Yeah

What was the last thing you looked up on Google? a image

Do you have a lighter on you? yeah.

Do you “blow kisses” often? no

Weirdest rumor you’ve heard about yourself? That I was engaged, but thats it.

Ever kissed a smoker? weed smoker

Have you ever painted each toe/finger nail a different color? no

Do you have any inside jokes with your parents? not rly

Honestly - have you ever written something on a bathroom stall? yeah

Do you need to “break up” with a friend? 

no

What is your natural hair color?

Brown.

Are you the oldest, middle, youngest, or an only child? Oldest

What is the longest relationship you’ve been in? The one im currently in. 9 months.

Have you ever felt pressured to do something you weren’t ready for? yeah.

What does your last outgoing text say? “watch her not see it”

Have you ever been hit on the head with a brick, rock, wooden block or bat? no

How often do you wear skirts? I used to wear them a lot.but not so much anymore. I wear them in the summer 

Have you ever seen a fat girl wearing really tight leggings? yeah

Have you ever worn skinny jeans that were yellow, purple, blue or pink? yeah, blue like bright blue. Back when I was 12. Grossss.

Who was the last person that you talked with online? sasha

Who was the last friend you hung out with? Kyra

Is there someone you want to fight? ehhhh.

Are you married? No.

Are you a high school drop out? No. I’m in college.

Do you look like anyone famous? no

Do you have a criminal record? No.

Have you ever been hit on by somebody 10 years older than you? try 20

Have you ever gone to a strip club? no and never will

What would you look like with an afro? i dont wanna think of that

Who’s the last person to really piss you off? connor haha

When’s the last time you did something you knew was wrong? I dunno.

What’s your relationship with the person you last texted? best friendssss

Do you think that you’re a good person? im a bad bad bad bad person.

What was on your mind mostly today? Just some personal things, connor, and my friends

Have you held hands with anyone today? No.

Is a best friend/boyfriend/girlfriend or ex pissing you off at the moment? my boyfriend was but not overly. Just annoyed.

Are you in a good mood right now? sore.

Last person you told a secret to? kaylie i think

Who was the first person you talked to today? sasha maybe

Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? No were dating

Is there something right now that has you worried? A bit, I guess.

Ever been on a golf cart? No.

Have you ever slapped someone in the face? Not really.

Last person you took a nap with? Connor

Are you embarrassed by anything you have in your bedroom? yeah...

Does seeing your mother cry automatically make you feel sad as well? yes

What is one stereotype associated with your race that is actually true? that we think mustard is spicy.

What color shirt are you wearing? black

The last person you kissed needs you at 3 AM, would you help them? obviously 

Has anyone ever told you they want to spend the rest of their life with you? yeah

Do you care if people hate you for no reason? I do, i need a reason or it will bug me.

Have you ever given up on someone, but then went back to them later? Kinda.  when connor and i first dated back in 2015 for like 9 days (LMAO) and then we stopped talking for 2 weeks and then we were hanging out afain for a week and then eventually I just stopped and I thought we would never talk again, and then 4 months later we were hangingout and since then we had been dating lolol

Do you have a lot on your mind at the moment? YEA

Do you do something illegal on a regular basis? no

Did you and your mom ever have a big fight that caused you to move out? no

What grade is the last person you texted in? no grade

Do you think someone likes the same person you like? If they do they better step the fuck down cus hes mine.

Do you think you’re wasting your time on the person you like? no

Do you think its cute when someone kisses your forehead? yea

Is your last ex currently in a relationship? I dont think so

Do you think more about the past, present, or future? future and past

Ever liked someone whose name started with a B? Brad when  i was 10

The person that you miss right now, what does their first name start with? J

Do you think true love ever really dies? it can die.

Do you think the last person you kissed has feelings for you? Yes.

Have you ever been punched in the face? No.

Did you ever waste too much time on a certain boy or girl? yeah, i liked this one guy in senior year and it was  a waste, we never mounted to anything and we still talk but we both were in love with eachother but he was just too pussy to date. 

Have you ever been asked out by someone you didn’t want to be with? many times.. but the same guy

Have you ever kissed the last person you sent a text message to? no.

Ever get hurt by someone who promised they wouldn’t? yeah

Are you good at hiding your feelings? yeah 

Is there someone you would enjoy hitting right now? Probably.

Do you plan on ruining someones life right now? No lmao

Are you a good liar? No.

What does your current Facebook status mean? I saw a post that said suicide is just angels who want to go home and so i made a post about how suicide isnt to be romanticized 

Could you go a month without cursing? I could but it would be hard.

Think a lot before you fall asleep?

yea

Do you care deeply about others? Many others, yes.

Would you rather have your parents catch you having sex or smoking weed? Smoking weed......

Do you like it when people call you babe? i do when my bf does 

Have you ever kissed someone who was over 21? yeah 

How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? 27 

Would you pay someone to kill the person who hurt you a lot? No. Id pay someone to beat the shit outta him tho

Have you ever gone out of your way to make someone happy? Yes.

You see the person you fell hardest for. What do you do? kiss him probs

Will you have sex tonight? tomorrow.

Are you bi-sexual? No. I find girls cute but im not attracted. 

How many times have you gotten into a argument with the last person you kissed? we have only had like many 2 fights. we dont argue. we bicker sometimes but thats it.

Has anyone lied to you today? i dont know

Have you recently lost someone that means everything to you? not recently 

Would you forgive a friend for telling your biggest secret? depends who they told....

Would you ever get a tattoo with someone’s name on it? no unless it was my dads name because he died.

Would you ever get your nipples pierced? no

Have you ever thrown a shoe at someone? yeaaa

Do you want your life to stay the way it is right now forever? it needs to change.

#survey

[mbrl]

a giant update!

 posted first here bc yolo

roadmap-

the stuff i bought from forever 21 today c:

other stuff i did today!

closing the chapter to january (the worst month i’ve had to deal with for awhile?)

things i look forward to in the future: march, april, may, summer.

oh my god i got really cute things from forever 21!! finally ordered a white/light grey windbreaker with swordfish pattern all over it for $20. also got white dolphin shorts (like dolphin style, not literal dolphins) with rainbow stripes on the side. and a dark-ish pink/blush off the shoulder dress with ties on the arm.. it’s kind of weird but was on sale for valentines day & idk how off the shoulder styles look on me... we’ll see ig! it’s really cute and flowy. and another dress, but maroon and long sleeve and floral, kind of in a baby doll fit. it’s lowkey mockneck so the reviews are like help i can’t fit my head through but .. hopefully it fits! there’s some really small lace parts on the sleeve :). and a white flowy vneck top with a bunch of pink flowers on it and a tie in the front. bell-ish sleeves with lace on the upper shoulders and parts of the back! oo and a light weight grey hoodie with kinda cheesy but still cool cool-toned floral embroidery on the hood. it’s p unique but the quality probably sucks and isn’t soft. lastly a peach mid-maxi skirt that has some sheer parts for the bottom half!! it’s like those ballet rehearsal skirts style. 

okay clearly i really like dresses and i think i’m going to start wearing more pink/color because i’m totally over winter in general and how drab that season is. honestly just light warm colors that kind of are reminiscent of furniture fabric/granny aesthetic is totally my vibe. like i want to look like i don’t give a fuck, but not in an emo way but more in a.... idk. i actually don’t know how to explicate my vibe but its like laid back and californian and whatever. hypebeast/grandma/passionate napper/hiker/couch appearance :) also i’m really happy to just sorta word dump and get my thoughts out again because they’re finally good vibes and i feel super excited to share it with my ... laptop screen & whoever’s reading! like getting outta funks is so nice and lowkey reminiscent of a few months ago when i finally got over this stupid boy

anyway okay. today i woke up at 9-10ish because i slept at 3am yesterday :( i felt really weird (ig you can describe as anxious) because of something i did, and i tried to do that thing where i imagined trump spouting all the self hate/angsty vibes i was telling myself, but i didn’t really purge the angst all that much. also i had taken a nap after school + drank boba the day before... (and 2 days before then i slept at 2 bc i had half a cup of green tea in the evening...) also i got angry at myself that i couldn’t sleep because it’s just annoying. it’s 12 am right now and i didn’t take any naps today but i’ll definitely be content & ready to sleep after i right this. so after i woke up, i spent like a few hours cleaning out my room-- i fixed the organization of my desk drawers so it could be more efficient and less cluttered. also the night before when i couldn’t sleep, i hung up all my clothes so that was nice. then in the early afternoon, i finished math hw (literally had 2 problems left, one of which i didn’t know how to do....) and did some japan bowl studying! i also started chatting hella people to ask for interest regarding a possible speaker event that intersections (my social justice club) is hosting... it’s about asian american health disparities, so i got 9 total clubs interested??? now i gotta email the presenter to update them but i’ll do that tomorrow. then from 3-5pm i had a really fun japan bowl meeting that was super untoxic and just productive. this year we have less frequent meetings, but i think we spend the biweekly meetings with... healthier vibes. it’s a lot more fun, and honestly no amount of shame expedites self-studying better than just having a safe and nice environment. we did some practice rounds & i knew the answers to some questions!!! it was fun. i’ll definitely be studying more ahahah this week’s meeting was kind of a throw away but it was good bonding? we also did reading practice.

then i went on tumblr/online shopped/youtubed for 2 hours or smtg..then finished bio hw (3 sections of notes!!!!) while watching gaming streams after eating dinner. then chilled and took a shower, went on tumblr some more, and here i am now! i feel like i didn’t do much but whatever. it’s okay to be leisurely and like.. i just have a worksheet for aplac and a few emails to write tmrw, and i guess that’s it? chill weekend.

okay queue the giant cbt paragraphs:

january was a giant mess mainly because of tasp application... it’s hard for me to take the experiences that i know are invaluable in building my character, and trying to relay that in a effective, understandable way. it made me feel secure because it was almost like i was selling myself/commodifying my experiences, but i was doing it in the course of a 3-4 weeks. it was annoying when i got the diction and syntax just how i wanted it, only for my editor to be like no this is weird. it’s weird to have someone who doesn’t know you try to word your experiences and push you into a template. thank god said editor actually got fired and isn’t my college counselor-- now i have this really tall and goofy friendly white guy (who majored in sociology so you can imagine he’s not the typical yt).

another thing was just friend stuff, but not in a way that points a finger specifically to anyone, it’s just... junior year will literally suck the life out of people and push them to extremes. for me, when i needed support from my friends, it’s not like i could receive it-- partly this is just normal though because normally i don’t confide in them anyway because my life is pretty easy anyway. most of the time/100% of the time i’m initiating the how-are-you type thing and listening to rants and giving advice or playing devil’s advocate or trying to empathize and validate. and when i needed someone to do that for me, i didn’t know how to ask for it? and my friends wouldn’t have the capacity to care for me bc i don’t think they actually know the background of my problems that well. i mean only i really know that and that’s fine bc it’s not really practical for other people to take the time to (1) understand and, (2) care... also it’s not worth it to me to expend the emotional labor explaining to someone. so this really isn’t to sound self sacrificing, it’s just that i consciously don’t expect my friends to be my therapist, but since i have amateur skills & pretty decent emotional intelligence, i’m glad to take that role for my friends. this just blows up in my face every once in awhile when my own problems resurface or smtg and i just turn inward and whatever. thank god it’s over!!! that was basically my january.

someone i kinda know also had something really egregious happen to them. and i can’t talk about it bc i’m making this post public bc i want a record of this on my studyblr blog. anyway i was alone in helping this person with the egregious thing because it’s not the kind of thing i can share (it’s not my story) and also sharing the information can force people to do things that ... wouldn’t be favorable. the stress from that time made me really upset for a few days and i was so angry that the egregious thing even happened, and i’m definitely not the person to get angry.

also had to get my physical for track from this gross pervert of a doctor who uses a stethoscope to touch breasts :\ and i felt really disgusting and gross and it happened and just yuck so cringe ijaijsf don’t wnat to talk about it

ugh okay another thing that i recently came to realize is that fat is really underrated in attractiveness because flab plausibly makes for super comfortable cuddling? basically other than in the context of a fatphobic society (and this isn’t to thin shame), there’s nothing definitively more beautiful about sharp angles or hard muscles compared to soft curves? someone i sit next to in a class wears hoodies and sweatpants almost everyday and they just look like a pillow/perfect big spoon. okay but at the same time food angst and body image stuff is lowkey resurfacing, but in a really lowkey way against myself :(. part of the reason why i got angry last night at myself was because i didn’t like how i drank boba at such a late time, and how i was basically on a sugar high at 2am. so i’m trying to limit my processed food intake as a means of control. i’m pretty safe from relapsing into fullblown AN but a lot of shame associated with certain foods is still there. also i still dislike my thighs and back flab and i didn’t run hard enough to be ready for track and i feel really out of shape :(

a few days ago i went volunteering and was utterly exhausted and not in the mood of being understanding. i don’t think i was being impatient, but i was being more curt than usual when working with somebody. i was really annoyed and dwelling on my irritation and letting it consume me. on the car ride home, i was thinking through all the reasons why i could be so pissy, so i had to think through all this angst and grossness in january. i was always hoping that i was just pmsing when i was feeling especially down during that month, but i think the stress made me skip that month :\ so idk where my period or pms went but goddamn ig i was just especially moody that month if hormones can’t explain it lol

during january, intersections was passed and that was such a big victory. but i didn’t really care about it. i honestly didn’t even want to do anything for it or hope that i’d go well. part of insecurity for me is that i doubt myself so much (sUBCONSCIOUSLY, which is especially annoying bc idk what i actually feel half the time) that i get frustrated easily.

but the stress of the summer app and distancing myself from the stressful things has allowed me to recover, and i’m really happy and my normal self (which i’m really happy about!!!) i’ve literally been writing for 40 min so i’m going to start doing lists for the remaining stuff i said i’d write about

things i look forward to!

feb: planning for intersections, week of break = cramming for jbowl, light school work load

march: starting my club, leadership conference i’m part of, almost time for jbowl

april: jbowl!, spring break, api healthcare disparities presentation?

may: giant speaker event with an alumnus possibly?

summer: lead a free program for low income students around where i live? there’s a lotta red tape and logistics that come with this one though... will be thinking about it for a long time.

okay i’m sleepy bye

#junior