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#I recall (lmao) feeling similar during earlier parts of life so this isn’t *new* it’s just unexpected and much more disruptive as an adult
blueish-bird · 20 days
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sorry if I don’t remember your name or conversations/experiences or basic things about myself, every few weeks my brain gets factory reset and I have to relearn how to be alive
#lighthearted but also serious bc what is going on here buddy#been feeling weird as hell these past few months#like I can remember some stuff… but it doesn’t feel normal to forget the names of anyone I haven’t seen/heard the name of in a few days#or forget about basic interests and personality traits and experiences and feel like a blank slate every day#idk like ultimately life goes on and I’m happy to live in the moment but it would be nice to understand why my brain is doing this#just thinking#meposting#I think my brain just. does this sometimes when I’m stressed. which is annoying#I recall (lmao) feeling similar during earlier parts of life so this isn’t *new* it’s just unexpected and much more disruptive as an adult#I’m feeling better about it than I was. after like. acknowledging it. bc my mind has not always felt like a sieve it isn’t always this bad.#whatever#I’ll tag as dissociation just in case it’s related/reminiscent and ppl don’t want to see that#dissociation#me and her go way back… haven’t seen each other in years though#she wasnt all bad! coping mechanisms can provide relief and a sense of safety#and as far as coping mechanisms go it’s not the most unhealthy. though it ranks high in ‘socially stunting’#I kind of miss the distance sometimes to be honest everything’s just So Much all the time#I’m so solid now#so stuck in the ruts of capitalism#fuck capitalism#I wish my imagination didn’t feel so dulled#sorry I love talking#and I don’t miss dissociation when I feel mentally present because I feel so Here with the people and things I love but rn?#it’s like a lose-lose bc I am not Here nor am I untethered. I’m heavy yet hold nothing#I enjoy being dramatic/poetic about it — I feel pretty fine. I just hope this isn’t a permanent and/or long-term state of existence.#like it makes me awful at my job I went from remembering a solid amount of the student body’s names (built up over a few years) to. like 5.#overnight it felt like. like Stressful Thing happened and I went to work and I couldn’t remember anyone’s names.#can’t believe I have to start from fucking scratch AGAIN I’d be better off quitting and working at a different school#bc at least then my lack of knowledge/remembering is justified rather than strange and seemingly rude#I’m getting better now but at the beginning of this it was blue screen in my brain all the time
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marshthat · 3 years
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I'm here for the 16-pages essay about Mace and Eeth :)
LMAO well you asked for that yourself hshsjhsjj *cracks knuckles*
It’s almoust 16 pages long in my google docs, I’m not kidding, so I’m gonna make a little intro and then hide the rest under the “keep reading” thing (also I’m going to shorten it a bit, but nothing significant will be left out, I promise)
Uhm so yes three things for the intro:
1. These takes are based mainly on my ship interpretation of the canon things, so yeah if you don’t want to see the ship material in them they can be easily disagreed with in terms of how correct I see the intentions of the characters behind their words and actions, but BUT you’re here for macekoth aren’t you? So for a macekoth shipper this is a list of totally canon endless happiness and we’ll go with that :)
2. LEGENDS CANON IS CANON (in my heart there is no decanonising of the EU, nooo, I pretend disney didn’t hurt me qwq)
3. I'm not a native speaker and my english is far from perfect so if you think I’m talking strange - yes I am, I’m sorry, but yeah, that’s how we’re rolling here.
And now - moving on to the essay. I will take random pieces of media one by one and explain why exactly I see Mace/Eeth there.
As I call this, “Fantastic MaceKoth hints and interactions, and where to find them”
Star Wars 13: Emissaries to Malastare, Part 1 
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So, what do we see here? Oooooh, the Concordance of Fealty. In general, the exchange of lightsabers is a very interesting phenomenon in the Jedi Order, and not only because no one remembered it existing before Macekoth decided to engage in one (because there are not known participants in the timeline BEFORE Mace and Eeth, while there are some AFTER) , but also because of its significance. The Concordance of Fealty is said to establish a “master-less learning relationship” between the two Jedi, i.e., a Force-bond that, if not superior, is equally as close and strong as the bond of a master and a padawan, which is said to be the closest bond possible in the Order.
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As you see, this ritual required deep mutual trust from both its participants, and here's why: the exchange. of. the lightsabers. I will repeat it once more and even emphasise: THE EXCHANGE. OF. THE LIGHTSABERS.
As Anakin Skywalker said in “The Clone Wars” and Obi-Wan Kenobi said in the “Attack of the Clones”, a lightsaber is a Jedi's life, a thing that one should not part with under any circumstances. And what is the Concordance requiring? Exactly this. Giving away your lightsaber. A voluntary action of entrusting your saber, a product of your own hands, a part of yourself, to another sentient. This act of trust can have a very deep meaning, deep subtext to it, if you want it to.
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I’m not saying the Concordance has a romantic subtext to it in general, no - but once again, I’m insisting that if someone wanted it to have a romantic subtext, he had the full freedom to pull a hecking legal jedi WEDDING under the cover story of this ritual. Why a wedding? Let’s dig a bit more in the comic page above. How it is depicted, such an exchange of the lightsabers looks suspiciously similar to the exchange of the wedding rings between the spouses. So making a guess that probably by engaging in the Concordance Mace and Eeth tried to pull off a legal wedding within the walls of the Temple in this disguised way seems like a fairly logical assumption. In addition, given that this ritual is stated to be very ancient and therefore long-forgotten, it is not surprising that a very bold plan like that in fact worked right in front of Yoda’s salad.
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In addition, you should pay attention to the form in which these vows of the Concordance sound. Especially this "until one or both of us becomes One with the Force." line. Very very much like the real wedding vows that spouses say before the altar, huh?))) (For example, I’ll leave this link to the site with some sample wedding vows)
Besides, the fact that Mace had made actual EFFORT to find this Concordance ritual is so priceless by itself. However, here I tend to think that it was master T'ra Saa who suggested to Mace to search for the ritual and its details, and here are the reasons why. Master Saa: 1) was in the age of about a thousand of years by the time of TPM because of being a neti (i.e. realistically could be the only one in the Order left who could have remembered this Concordance of Fealty) 2) had her own experience of a romantic relationship, with master Tholme (i.e. she understood the issue of new feelings born between the two Jedi more than the most) 3) T'ra looked after Mace a lot when he was young, so she was literally his mother figure, and  to whom can a poor confused with his romantic feelings jedi master go, if not to his tree mom? :З
Shatterpoint (novel) — M. Stover
Here I want to go back to what I said about “the lightsaber is part of the Jedi.” In Stover's novel, there is an episode where Mace looks at Depa Billaba's saber and speculates about whether she could have given it to Nick Rostu voluntarily.
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Mace is mentioning the Concordance of Fealty in this novel too!
The curious thing is that Mace asks “Would she give away part of herself?" So, firstly, by this he is confirming that the Concordance implies exactly this act of mutual trust (what I talked about in the previous part), and secondly, he is hinting that since he did perform this ritual with Eeth Koth, it means that he, Mace Windu, willingly entrusted a part of himself to the hands of the zabrak. (and this is HIS interpretation of what the Concordance means to HIM) Isn't that an act of true love?)
Jedi Council: Acts of War, Part 3
Here is a peculiar moment in the comic - when the two groups of the Jedi join together in the final battle to confront the enemy yinchorri army, both Mace and Eeth separate each other's names from the rest of the group when talking about several fellow Jedi at once. And if Eeth can have a reason for this, because Mace was the leader of this whole mission in the first place, Mace himself still doesn’t have any rational reasons to underline exactly Eeth’s name (and in the background of the second frame you can see that the first one to run in the battlefield is also not Eeth, which excludes the possibility of identifying Koth as just running the first).
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What I want to say by this is that they just subconsciously separate each other's names, because their first thoughts, of course, focus on their dear beloved, and only then they add “and others”. Also I want to say that consider that MASTER MACE WINDU, the man of the “less talking, more doing” standarts, in the middle of the battle actually FOUND some time to stop and ask how his dear Eeth is doing.
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Republic 65: Show of Force, Part 1
In this comic there is not an interaction, but a hint, but even if it's not the most obvious and outstanding, it is still worth mentioning.
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Mace returns T'ra her lightsaber, which she lost during the previous battle, and a curious dialogue happens between them.
Master Saa says that the saber is just a tool that one shouldn’t get attached to. And that Mace SHOULD know that. Personally, I see this here as a direct reference to the Concordance of Fealty (which by the time of this comic has been already completed ten years earlier), and as a confirmation that T'ra Saa knows about the nature of the relationship between master Windu and master Koth.
What I think Mace’s tree mom is saying between the lines here: “you shouldn't get attached to a lightsaber. You once owned Eeth Koth’s saber, Mace, so you understand that by "lightsaber" I mean Eeth Koth himself. And you remember that attachments are still forbidden in the Jedi Order, so be careful there with your little horned husband, son."
Given that the events of this comic take place during the Clone Wars, this means that there has already happened the battle on the Petranaki Arena on Geonosis, where Eeth’s LAAT/i exploded in front of Mace’s eyes. ( This thing blowing up in aotc is the LAAT/i on which were Eeth Koth, Sora Bulq and Tarados Gon )
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And perhaps he did spend too much time near the zabrak’s bacta tank afterwards and it gave birth to some rumors or concerns - and that is what T'ra Saa hints at. (also, the timeline of this comic is listed as 21 bby, which does not exclude the possibility of also the battle of Korriban already happened, where Eeth nearly died again, and even the torture of Eeth in Grievous’s hands too, which only gives Mace more reasons to go over his usual reserved boundaries in his wish to comfort and protect his beloved)
Star Wars: Episode II Attack of the Clones
A very interesting thing is in one of the deleted scenes of " Attack of the Clones”. And yes, another hint, but wait, some more interaction are coming later. And for now... I'm of course talking about this scene of the conversation between Mace Windu and Obi-Wan Kenobi before the latter's departure to Kamino. In this scene, Kenobi expresses his concern that Anakin has a strong attachment to the senator from Naboo, and this attachment may cause some troubles for him when serving his duty as a Jedi and as her guardian. And let’s try to think about the reaction of Windu himself to this statement and how we can interpretate it: 1) He is not surprised by the news on Anakin's attachment, and accepts it very calmly. 2) In this scene, it is actually Windu who calms down panicking Obi-Wan with the words "you must believe that he will make the right choice”, and not vice versa.
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What can this mean?
This can mean that Mace is not only not at all shocked by Skywalker's forbidden attachment, but on the contrary, supports Anakin and gives him a chance to make the right choice. I mean, Mace doesn't judge Anakin, Mace sympathizes with the young man in love and he trusts him. It’s a fair assumption that Windu himself most likely has an experience of such a situation, to which he compares the Skywalker’s issue and makes his conclusion, isn’t it?
To sum up? In this scene, Windu may be probably recalling his own special bond with _someone_, and, drawing from it the conclusion that a Jedi CAN perfectly fulfil his duties even if he has romantic feelings, advises Obi-Wan to trust his padawan with this.
Grievous Intrigue  — Star Wars: the Clone Wars 2x09
A small, but very a cute detail: in the episode when a hologram is shown to the Jedi Council, on which general Grievous tortures Eeth Koth and promises the zabrak jedi master "endless suffering” Mace Windu clenches his fists in the background.
And how much was said about the Jedi acceptance, the fortitude, the “letting go of emotions in the Force”… But what acceptance could be here when your small tender husband is being cruelly tortured with the electrostaff???
Before the holotransmition / / after the holotransmition
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Star Wars: Zam Wesell
Here is a moment I spotted in this comics: when masters Rancisis and Koth both speak up during a Council meeting, Eeth is the first one Mace answers to. I know that this can seem a little bit weak as an argument but add to this THAT stare Koth gives Windu when applying for being the Alderaan guard.
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Yes, exactly. THAT kind of stare right here ( ͡ ° ͜ʖ ͡ ° )
I mean, seriously, man, stop flirting with your Master of the Order husband right in the middle of the meeting! We know that on Alderaan they make one of the best sorts of wine in the whole galaxy, and you want to offer a date, but calm down a bit please, okay? You don’t want to get caught, right?)))
Star Wars: Episode I The Phantom Menace
No, well, but there is no excuse for the fact that in the background during the scene of the Council meeting before sending Master Jinn and Padawan Kenobi to Naboo as an escort for queen Amidala, Eeth is sitting in exactly the same way in which you could see Windu sitting himself on some of the TPM photos. That's all, that’s like the final proof that Eeth is a stupid husband and in love with his partner. Because one of the forms of love language? Yes, the one with interest copying, when a person is copying the gestures, the stature and the movements of whom he’s interested in, u-hum.
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Eeth really have no, NO excuse for that, I swear
Bonus: The seats on the High Council
As one very wise person on twitter had once said,
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This person was referring to Plo Koon and Kit Fisto tho, but I tell you what, this also applies very much to Mace Windu and Eeth Koth.  So here is Mace and Eeth on the Council staring at each other after a holotransmition!
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