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aros001 · 3 years

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First time read through light novel vol. 5.

STOP BITING YOUR DAMN FINGERS!!!

“—If you have decided to fight, fight with all your body and soul. Forget all pretty words that lead to defeat. Hunger and thirst for victory using any means necessary. If you can still stand, if you can still move a single finger, if your fangs have not yet been broken, stand. Stand. Get up, get up, and attack. So long as you live, fight. Fight, fight, fight!”

In my last post I commented on how Subaru, if he wanted to be closer to Emilia, had ironically already learned the way during one of his previous loops; that instead of grandstanding and white knighting for her he could have just been her friend like she wanted. This reminds me a little of that, because we have seen Subaru fight with everything he has, not even entertaining Return By Death as an option for if he should fail. The fight against Elsa applies but I'm mainly thinking of when he faced off against the Shaman. He did everything he possibly could in that battle, fighting and struggling until the very end even when it was clear he couldn't win, not even allowing himself to think of failing because of what could happen to Rem and Ram. That's the interesting thing about Subaru. He has already had times where he's proved his worth and his value to others. But he's so caught up in the fantasy that he either doesn't see it himself or it's not enough for him.

This has nothing to do with anything, just that after reading Wilhelm in this book I love it so much that he and Sebas (from Overlord) are friends in Isekai Quartet. I want to see Wilhelm gushing about his wife and Sebas gushing about Tuare to each other.

As was typical, there were few that Emilia could count on, and she had enemies numbering beyond reason. In such circumstances, who would take her side without some kind of ulterior motive?

The answer was no one. After all, there was nobody currently at her side who would be her staunch ally.

She had left behind the one who would have.

No doubt, when Emilia realized that, she would regret what she had done. That was why—

Subaru lifted his head and murmured with determination, “I’ve...got to go save her, don’t I?”

....

In the carriage, he silently let the time pass, alone.

With the exception of Rem in the driver’s seat, he was isolated in that place, unable to sense the presence of any other.

—And he never noticed the faint twisting of his lips.

Oh ho! Ominous! But in seriousness, I do like what the narration is doing throughout this book and showing how somewhat twisted Subaru is becoming, to the point that he's happy something bad might be about to happen to the woman he loves just so he'll have an opportunity to try and save her again. Or that he can't be happy that Otto approves of Emilia trying to become king, because at the moment he sees his value as being the "only" person truly on her side; a mindset that's threatened by others who believe in her. Subaru, I believe, is a good guy, but obsession and entitlement can easily turn a good man bad. And yes, I am thinking of Star Wars.

I think I remember seeing fanart that made fun of how little of season 1 Otto was in.

All at once, the figures faced Subaru and reverently bowed their heads to him.

“—Ah?”

Subaru’s brain was unable to process the scene before him.

The incomprehensible band that had emerged was paying Subaru respect for reasons unknown, and leaving him behind in his confusion, they began sliding out of sight.

Given the narration implies they went after Otto after sparing him, I'm curious what specifically they noticed about Subaru; the witch's scent or his mental state?

If he could voice the possibility that he’d lost the girl he cared for and the possibility his own heart could break, then why not offer up a sacrifice so that he wouldn’t have to?

As much as I ship Subaru and Rem, I do like this bit. Him saying Rem's name and wondering over her fate because he can't bare to think about what might have happened to Emilia. He cares about Rem but clearly it'd be easier for him to accept something terrible happening to her over Emilia. Naturally though, I do like his horror at finding Rem's dead body, the narration talking about everything he'd come to like about her and that she was just starting to like herself.

I remember in the anime the scene that scared me the most was when Subaru gets flash-frozen. Obviously being frozen that much would kill you but this is a world of magic, so for all I knew it was going to be a Medusa situation (only with ice instead of stone) and Subaru wouldn't be able to RBD because he technically wasn't alive. It's a weird sensation, feeling relieved as you watch a man's body shatter like glass.

Thanks to Rem’s tireless efforts, the store had sold its merchandise nicely, and the shopkeeper, in quite high spirits, seemed inclined to give them a souvenir. He was asking how many abbles Subaru wanted to take with him, and she remembered him answering, “How ’bout all of ’em?”

The very next moment, his demeanor abruptly changed, and he fell limply onto the street. When Rem sat him up, he seemed so overcome by sadness and tears of joy that he kept laughing.

Beyond his own constant deaths and seeing the deaths of everyone he loves, the thing I felt the most sorry for Subaru for is how his RBD looks to everyone else. For us the audience we know what he's been through but for them it must look like he's either a whiner or completely crazy, with only his harsh emotional state giving them any reason to believe anything is actually wrong and that he's not just fragile.

So is it because the witch cult attacked her village that Rem is so sensitive to the scent of the witch or is it something else about her? Because she says even Ram can't catch the smell like she can, so I'm assuming it's not just a demon thing (though I suppose Ram doesn't have her horn, so maybe it could be), and she even says very few beings can detect the presence in general.

There are even more good parallels between Subaru and Rem in this book, but also some nice contrasts that come with them. She also wants Subaru all to herself and is jealous of all the others in his life, like he's starting to be with Emilia, but she keeps herself from being too possessive over him, even finding a lot of things she likes in his relationships with others. She even toys with the idea of running away with him, which I like given what I assume is going to be happening next volume. It's something she's considered and wanted even before Subaru's offer and shows that such a thing is very tempting for her. But she turns herself away from the idea, both to not abandon her sister and for Subaru's own sake as well.

I do like that any issues Rem has with Emilia are not just because Subaru loves Emilia. It's a factor, certainly, but there were issues before he ever even came into the picture because of Emilia's resemblance to the Witch of Envy. Even Rem acknowledges to herself that her feelings are irrational and unfair, because Emilia herself has done nothing wrong, but the witch cult still made any connections to the witch such a personal thing to her. I helps me understand the rest of this world a little better, given how near everyone is prejudiced against Emilia because of the witch. While it's irrational, that's exactly what great pain and tragedy cause.

I think the implication with Subaru's madness wasn't necessarily that he was faking it but that he willingly dove into the madness so that he could escape from reality and was actively fighting against returning to sanity. Not only were his reactions too genuine most of the time but I feel like either Ferris or Wilhelm would have called him out if he was completely faking it. Someone besides just Petelgeuse would have noticed. His experience from the first loop caused him to crack and he chose to stay broken so that he could be pitied and not have to deal with the world anymore.

Even though their hands were together, their hearts were at opposite poles.

Subaru Natsuki’s heart was tempted far into that deep, deep, dark abyss—

Holy shit, I love that line and image.

Nothing much else to say other than that I am SO happy Subaru and Crusch's talk over drinks seems to have been before the save point, so RBD didn't erase it. She might be one of my favorite non-mansion characters so far and the small relationship the two have built I don't want to see lost.

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Re_Zero/comments/gq1uao/novels_first_time_read_through_light_novel_vol_5/

#re:zero #random thoughts #reddit repost

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topicprinter · 6 years

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Hi everyone! We have just published an article on Failory written by Amir Rajan, in which he tells the story behind his mobile game, called “A Dark Room”, which hit #1 on the App Store and grossed over $800,000. Sit down and read his success story. I hope you enjoy it and if you have any questions, I will happily answer them below. Sit back. This is gonna be a long one. TL;DR:Did the whole "get a degree, get a job" thing. Ended up being incredibly well paid, but horribly empty because of corporate America. Decided to rage quit, downsize (sell pretty much everything I own), and take a sabbatical. After binge coding on random crap, I partnered with a guy in Canada and ported a web based, incremental, text based game to iOS (A Dark Room iOS). Welp. It went viral and hit the #1 spot. That let me extend my sabbatical for another three years. I built four more games, none of which succeeded. Now I'm back in Corporate America (luckily only part time now... I make enough off my games and other assets to not have to work all year). The Long Version: Frustration:There is such a heavy dose of luck in success. There are those that will give one thousand percent, and because the roll of the dice wasn't perfect, nothing materializes. They have as much love for the game development as I have... they've worked as hard as I have... but just didn't get a kiss from Lady Luck. And it sucks. It just isn't fair that they want to create more than their next breathe, but can't catch a good break to devote time to it. They have to look over at those that have the privaledge to take multiple rolls of the dice, eat their cake and have it too, and if everything still fails, they get bailed out by mommy and daddy.I was one of the lucky ones. I saved up for ten years, and was able to role once. I hit lucky number eleven. And even then, I still find myself having to grind in a 9 to 5 yet again. Sometimes it's fine. Other times I feel like I should have never taken that sabbatical and remained ignorant of the pure joy that comes from putting yourself in a creation. Before Sabbatical:I did what you were supposed to do. Did well (really well) in school. Went to college. Got a degree in Software Engineering and Computer Science. Did internships and landed a job as a developer for an insurance company right out of college. I did that for three years (two years of internships, one year as a full time employee). I then went to work for a company that build veterinary software. Did that for a couple of years. I really really loved coding. Lived and breathed it. I interviewed at a prestigious consulting company and got in on the ground floor. Spent three years there only to be scooped up by another consulting powerhouse. So here I am with a disgusting $140,000 in total compensation. A sea of cubicals, souless sheep that want nothing more than to do their time and go home. I didn't belong cause I actually cared about my craft. I tried to compensate for my unfulfilling corporate work with open source development after hours. This put a toll on my familial relationships (spending 45 hours a week working, then trying to get another 30 hours on nights and weekends, doesn't leave much time for anything else). I was at the brink of collapse. Lose my sanity, my wife, or my job. I decided to get rid of the job. I liquidated my 401k savings (took all the tax penalties up front), and said "alright, gonna live off of this for as long as I can until I figure something out". During Sabbatical:It was great to breathe. I was 178 pounds at 5'8 (a little portly). That changed during the sabbatical. It took me three months just to figure out what my routine looked like. I'd code on whatever my heart desired. It was wonderful. I didn't even know what day it was. I didn't miss my stuff. I didn't miss the anxiety attacks I got Sunday nights before having to go to work. All of that gone. By month four I came across the web based version of A Dark Room. I immediately connected with its sparse presentation. I reached out the Michael and asked his permission to port it to mobile. That night I lost track of time. I blinked and it was 3am. I had never felt that kind of loss of time before. Nothing around me existed, it was just me and my creation. After another four months, A Dark Room was done and released to the App Store. It got a whopping thirty downloads the first day. I didn't care. Cause it was my creation and it was awesome. I redesigned so much of the original game. So much of me went into it. Oh and I dropped 30 pounds too. Best shape of my life.I still remember one of my happiest days. It was early January. I was working on a stupid little multiplayer fighting game written in JavaScript and Pixi.js. I didn't care that ADR was barely getting 10 downloads a day, I didn't care that my savings was dwindling away. I found what I was supposed to do (build digital, evocative experiences). Savings Dwindling:The party was over at this point. My savings was dwindling down. A Dark Room was making its meager two thousand downloads a month (after Apple's cut, taxes, and splits, that's not a lot of take home). I started interviewing again for a job. I was better mentally, physically. And I never want my wife's quality of live to suffer (she was still in college at the time). Being the main bread winner of the home, I knew I had to suck it up and go back to work. I wasn't okay with it, but I knew it was my responsibility. I was interviewing again for those big salaries. I would save as much as possible given my now humble lifestyle. After I had enough cash tucked away, I'd quit and try again. Then. A Dark Room went viral. Out of nowhere it made $800 in one day. Then it made $1,200 in one day. Then it made $5,000. Then it made $8,000. Then it hit the #1 spot and I woke up to a $20,000 sales report. A Dark Room at #1:A Dark Room stayed at the number one spot. I was elated the first day. I was on cloud nine the second day. Then reality reared its ugly face with a sobering message: "this will come to an end."So I waited for it to come to an end. I didn't sleep for 18 days. My life: was hitting the refresh button on the App Store, seeing if I had fallen. I'd do it every 3 hours on the hour, day or night. I did it for eighteen days. I read every review that came through. I'd refresh the page again and see if I had dropped. This was my life. I was waiting for all this success to end. 250,000 downloads later, A Dark Room finally fell from the #1 spot. It was over. From there sales dwindled. After another four months, I was down to 100 downloads a day. I had recouped what I had "spent" taking the sabbatical (and then some). My wife was tired of living in a cramped one bedroom apartment. So, we put a huge down payment on a house. After A Dark Room Fell:I built a prequel to A Dark Room called The Ensign. It did okay (nowhere near as successful.. but not bad... this was around the time I did my interview with Indie Hackers). I wrote a book about Surviving the App Store too. I put my heart and soul into a game inspired by Edwin Abbot's "Flatland: Romance of Many Dimensions" called A Noble Circle. I created a digital Go board after binge watching Hikaru no Go. I built a touched based mobile RTS called Mildly Interesting RTS (MIRTS for short). Every game had "me" in it. I didn't do ads, I didn't do micro-transactions, scummy energy bars, and all those other bullshit monetization tactics. I ported A Dark Room to Android (which was almost not worth it). I did everything to keep building games. I wrote about all of my journey, presented, did podcasts, hoping to inspire others. And yet revenue kept dwindling. The writing was on the wall. Everything I did after ADR wasn't enough. And I got a job. Now:So here I am. Updating all my games to work well on iPhone X. Because I love them. I try to build what I can in my free time. But I'm back in Corporate America (it's been ten months so far). Two months in, everything became too real. My journey as a game dev was really over. I got so frustrated. I purged everything online. Took the book down, deleted all of my Reddit entries, my developer logs, my open source games. I removed all of it. All the content I created felt like a lie. Cause even with all this "success", I couldn't keep my dream going. I felt so much worse off because I got a taste of a fulfilling life that I wish I had been ignorant to. It has been eight months since "The Purge". I'm much better now. Mostly invisible outside of already established relationships. I stream occasionally on Twitch, keep my games maintained, and work on new ones as time allows.I no longer deal with anxiety attacks Sunday nights at the thought of "clocking in" Monday morning. I'm at peace with it. The people I once called sheep, aren't that. They just didn't have the means to roll the dice. All code I see is beautiful in its own way. It tells a story of the resonable programmers put in unresonable situations. Again, I'm one of the lucky ones. Because maybe in another year, I'll have enough play money saved up to role the dice again. ‍Silver Lining:My games provide a stable passive income (and I have a decade worth of an emergency funds in the bank). A Dark Room recently hit the #2 spot overall on Google Play (pro tip: stick to iOS, the revenue is almost an order of magnitude better). More importantly, I've very recently acquired the platform that helped me create my labors of love: RubyMotion. So between my games, subscription revenue, and my well paying contract gigs, I do alright for myself. Thank you Lady Luck. And my sincerest, deepest apologies for the 99.9999% that will never see the "failure" I've seen. I really do empathize with you. And I wish I had a better story. ‍Numbers?I'm sure some of you are asking about numbers. Do you remember the title of this post? Do you remember what I said about the 99.9999% failure rate? Do your remember what I said about privaledge, and eating your cake and having it too? What's the point of talking about the numbers I'm making now? So you can dream about one day making these numbers too? You wont. Start with that and work from there.But if you really want numbers, here are some of the numeric sacrifices I made to role the dice once:Have a 4.0 GPA through High School.Graduate #36 out of a class of 800+.Go to a community college cause it's cheap.Work two jobs in the summer to pay for college and save up.Go to university in 2001 when it was still possible to pay out of pocket and graduate without crippling debt.Get a degree in something that is valued. Even better if you actually like what you got a degree in.Land a job right out of school that makes you $55k a year.Live off of $15k a year. Don't buy a house. Don't buy a fancy car. Just save.Do this for a year.Land a job that makes you $100k a year. Save the rest. Max out your 401k contribution.Celebrate by living off of $30k a year.Do this for three years.Land a job that makes you $140k a year. Save the rest. Max out your 401k contribution. Get a Roth, put $5k a year into that.Celebrate by living off of $60k a year.Do this for three years.Don't have kids. Don't get sick. Don't have any catastrophic events that leave you bankrupt. Probably best to just not leave the house.Quit your job. Sell everything. Liquidate your 401k. Pay all the tax penaties.Live without insurance cause COBRA costs $2000 a month. Still Don't have kids. Don't get sick. Don't have any catastrophic events that leave you bankrupt.Now you can take a year and a half off and roll the dice once. Now you can read all the success stories online and dream that you'll get that too.But you probably wont. And that's okay. ‍Original article posted at https://failory.com/battle-scars

#/r/entrepreneur #reddit

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