#I've always had a hard time explaining why I love nie mingjue SO MUCH despite the fact that he's probably the most doomed person

[vaguely-concerned]

that last scene in fatal journey where nie huaisang has to support nie mingjue for him to keep upright, harrowhark's arc in harrow the ninth*, and the 'O, let me not be mad, not mad, sweet heaven/Keep me in temper: I would not be mad' line from king lear all break my heart in exactly the same way. that precise thread of the ultimate, hopeless vulnerability and confusion that's at the heart of madness -- of realizing in glimpses that you won't even realize how far you've drifted from yourself and that you don't know how to stop it, you can't stop it. that's such a core part of nie mingjue to me, and I don't feel like I've seen a lot of real discussion around it considering how central I think it is to his character.

*also like harrow, nie mingjue is both 'mad' (im mentally ill. I'm reclaiming it. sometimes that does feel like exactly the right word for it) and also like. severely haunted. by a sword even lmao. they've even got the 'crushing weight of shouldering the responsibility of their entire house given to them at way too early an age under horrifically traumatizing circumstances' same hat/same hat! thing going on here. omg. nie mingjue is like if harrow was a big sensitive jock who cries at the drop of a hat and harrow is like if nie mingjue was a small wet ratwoman who does bones and catholic guilt. but the core is basically the same. I can't believe I'm right about this.

#and jin guangyao and ianthe doing the clasped hand meme over mercilessly gaslighting and generally making everything worse for them! #I have respect for ianthe's grift but not jin guangyao's I only regret nie huaisang could only kill him once </3 #the locked tomb #the untamed #nie mingjue #nie huaisang #nie bros #I wish everyone in this particular fandom overlap a very 'I've connected the dots' except in this case I think I actually did lol #I've always had a hard time explaining why I love nie mingjue SO MUCH despite the fact that he's probably the most doomed person #in the entirety of mdzs/the untamed and also of course his hands are not clean (no one's hands are clean in that world) #but my raw horrified sympathy for him in that element is probably really central to it #he tried so hard!! he tried so hard #it's so funny in my liveblog of the untamed way back when you can see me imprint on him hopelessly just like IMMEDIATELY haha #I chose pain