I posted 2,393 times in 2022
2,032 posts created (85%)
361 posts reblogged (15%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@therealvinelle
@theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin
@rankheresy
@franzias-cave
@odd-ysseus
I tagged 2,384 of my posts in 2022
#meta - 1,791 posts
#opinion - 1,730 posts
#twilight - 1,669 posts
#twilight renaissance - 1,614 posts
#headcanon - 1,424 posts
#twilight meta - 1,270 posts
#twilight headcanon - 1,143 posts
#vinelle - 568 posts
#therealvinelle - 563 posts
#bella swan - 496 posts
Longest Tag: 128 characters
#and the twilight people just want want to know what happens if edward explodes in this particular scene with a burning curiosity
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
What if Bella and Aro swapped places, like Aro was magically put in Bella's body in Forks and Bella is in Aro's body in Volterra (and they keep their gifts)
Well, it'd be a strange day for both of them, that's for sure.
I assume this takes place in Twilight since you don't specify here.
The Swappening
Aro wakes up a... teenage girl and a human with no coordination. Naturally, he first thinks Volterra's under siege and he's facing off against a vampire that has him tripping balls. That or he found some gifted vampire that he's forgetting about who he tested on himself and it's--a very very very convincing illusion.
The first thing he does is try to snap out of it. He slaps his newly human face, gives himself a pep talk in the mirror, and eventually he gives up and starts investigating who he's supposed to be now.
Rooting through her room with very little decency, Aro discovers that he's a roughly 5'4" American seventeen-year-old girl by the name of Bella Swan with a drivers liscence from Phoenix, Arizona, who seems to be lower middle class, lives in a temperate climate with a very densely wooded area that looks like it might be the North American Pacific Northwest.
Going downstairs he meets Charlie Swan, who is apparently this Bella's father, and on touching his hand Aro realizes why Charlie isn't freaking out that his daughter isn't his daughter yet: he barely knows the girl, hasn't seen her in eight years, and Bella suddenly decided to come live with him for unknown reasons that are now lost because Aro is not Bella.
Aro suspects something nefarious with the divorced mother, Renee, and her new husband Phil.
He's not sure how he feels about that.
Regardless, he decides that for now he'll go to this school and when Charlie Swan is at work he'll use the telephone to make a long distance call to Volterra to try to sus out if he's a) under an illusion or b) has legitimately swapped bodies with this teenage girl.
(He also muses that if he is stuck like this... They're just going to have to turn this Bella Swan and make her disappear. Aro's not sure he likes being a teenage girl, but he supposes he'll just have to get used to it.)
At least he still has his gift.
Aro goes to school, pretends to be a human teenage girl who definitely had a human teenage past (luckily for him, the citizens of Forks are easy to please), and holy god there are vampires in the cafeteria with...
Golden eyes. And the last name Cullen. And their father is a Dr. Carlisle Cullen who works in the hospital.
FORGET SCHOOL!
Bellaro never makes it to Biology as he claims a sudden stomachache, sprints out of the school (nearly tripping seventeen times) and drives to the hospital.
"CARLISLE!" Aro shouts and... Carlisle sees teenage Bella Swan, bursting into his office with a grin on her face, like it's every Christmas all at once.
"Can I help you?" Carlisle asks, very very very confused.
Aro then remembers he's now Bella Swan.
He speeds through the explanation, "Carlisle, it's me, Aro, either I'm hallucinating or I appear to have become a teenage girl named Bella Swan. Not sure which yet, BUT I HEARD YOU WERE HERE! Also, can I use your phone?"
Bellaro then touches Carlisle's hand and... After Bella then starts gushing about what Carlisle's been up to for the past three hundred years and referencing a lot of shit that happened in Volterra that no one knows about... This is Aro.
In Bella Swan's body.
What the fuck.
Carlisle asks how this even happened.
Aro shrugs, he hasn't the foggiest, weirdest day of his life so far.
THEN WHO IS IN VOLTERRA, ARO?!
"Well, given my current circumstances, probably poor Bella Swan. I imagine she's dreadfully confused right about now."
Carlisle immediately takes Aro home to call Volterra. They're put through and.... after five attempts Caius finally answers. Aro's out and he's VERY VERY BUSY. Aro then buts in, "Is Aro by any chance actually in but acting very strange and claiming to be someone by the name of Bella Swan?"
Caius says nothing.
See the full post
195 notes - Posted March 9, 2022
#4
What if bella, human, could read Edwards mind?
Well, she would have a wild time. I'm assuming that Edward can still read minds and that he can't read her mind, and that Bella can only read Edward's mind, for the sake of my sanity.
Alright, here we go.
Bella enters Forks high school, and the day goes as normal up until the Cullens enter the cafeteria. There, Bella is treated to a voice in her head (oddly melodic and pleasant sounding) rambling on about how he's in purgatory filled with mortal plebians and someone named Jasper is going to eat the entire fucking school.
Bella, needless to say, is very confused and very disturbed.
Her new lunchmates notice. Bella, what's wrong?
"Uh," Bella says as the voice in her head now seems to be dissecting her (and seems to find her overrated, mousey, and obnoxious).
Bella eventually says she has to go to the bathroom (the voice mocking her as she goes), where she huddles in a corner and wheezes into a paper bag. She calls home, telling Charlie she's sick, and spends the evening crying and hating herself for a) being a freak b) possibly going insane.
(Edward, meanwhile, doesn't share Biology with Bella Swan, has a grand old time, and thinks the new girl is highly overrated, an attention whore, and an invalid.)
The next morning Bella gathers her courage, alright, she can do this. No voices in her head today, thank you very much.
She gets to school.
There's a fucking voice in her head.
GODDAMMIT.
Bella nearly turns around right there but she's already the school freakjob who skipped her first day. If she has voices in her head--then she has voices in her head and this is just going to be the rest of her life. She endeavors not to let anyone ever know and go about her life as a normal person.
This turns out to be very hard.
First, it's very distracting having someone ramble sweet nonsense in your brain. Second, voice in the head says some seriously messed up shit.
The voice in her head appears to belong to a telepath who knows everyone else's thoughts (which means Bella gets everyone's thoughts through Edward), he seems to be a vampire? (he certainly wants to eat people and talks about 'control' a lot), and after half a day she's pretty sure voice in the head is Edward Cullen.
She looks at them in the cafeteria. She can't help but notice that even if she has a voice in her head--they don't look human. She could believe they're vampires. Of course, she might be hallucinating their appearance (she does have a voice in her head), she grills Jessica. Jessica admits they're insanely beautiful, weirdly pale, and also incestuous.
Bella--didn't know that last part. Huh. Well.
Bella's not sure she wants to attend class with man eating demons. But that would mean admitting she's a hallucinating freak. She goes to class.
She regrets everything immediately.
First, Edward stares at her like the shark in Jaws, second his thoughts have become terrifying. He's going on some weird inner monologue about his father? (the thoughts seem awfully... incestuous to be about his father) and is actively planning how to best murder the entire class to eat her while bemoaning that this is all stupid Bella's stupid delicious fault. Bella sits in her seat next to him in stark terror.
Bella somehow survives class (just barely as she now is witness to Edward's planning to lure her into the woods alone or break into her house so he can eat her). She wanders in a daze to her car and wonders if maybe, just maybe, she should go to Florida.
Well, it's a good day to die.
Bella tells Charlie that she has decided to camp out in the yard. Forever. Is it winter? Doesn't matter. She's camping out in the yard (this way, if Edward does decide to eat her, he's less likely to eat Charlie immediately after.) Charlie, who doesn't know how to deal with a daughter, throws his hands in the air and Bella now lives in a tent in the yard.
It's very cold.
Bella is shocked to learn that Edward did not kill her in her sleep that night.
She's even more shocked to learn that he's out sick the next day. (She doesn't think he's out sick). She hesitantly wonders if this means she's free.
A week later, she's not, Edward returns and per his thoughts he's decided he must reclaim his pride and face Bella Swan (his nemesis) head on. He also wants to learn what she knows in case he slipped and revealed his vampire nature in front of her (a bit late for that, Edward, Bella thinks to herself.)
Edward starts grilling her in biology. It's weird. Bella decides to give him as little information as possible (she does not need this guy knowing where her mother lives). For some reason, her answers intrigue Edward, Bella just dies inside. He still really really really wants to eat her.
See the full post
208 notes - Posted January 10, 2022
#3
What if, for some reason, let's say Bella had a Quilute ancestor at some point, Bella shifted in New Moon? Would Edward still be with her, despite the wet dog smell, just leave Forks, or eat her? (Bella gets eaten a lot on this blog)
Pfffft, oh, anon, this would have been both hilarious and awful.
Okay, so Twilight remains the same as at that point Bella did not smell. Well, she smelled, but she smelled delicious. So, we're all good.
Edward nobly leaves, Bella becomes seriously depressed, yadda yadda yadda.
Then, Bella gets sick, extremely sick, and Charlie's life gets seriously weird. His daughter has turned into a giant dog, it's like Kafka's the Metamorphosis, but with dogs. Thanks to sudden telepathy, Sam finds out about this and Billy is able to come over and have the world's most awkward conversation with Charlie.
Bella now gets the joys of running around the woods eating vampires (who exist by the way), getting oogled by teenage boys whenever she turns back with no clothes, having to chop off all her hair, and oh she might do this thing called 'imprinting' that's... let's not talk about it.
Charlie is a champ but he's very very very pissed off at whoever's ancestor had sex with someone in the werewolf line.
Bella's devastated. She's had to chop off all her hair (which gets her shit at school) she has 0 agency anymore, Jacob is staring at her naked, and she's a freak (being one of two shapeshifting women). Leah, I imagine actually takes Bella under her wing because of this and they become very close. Female solidarity (Bella is also just so very sad).
Added on top of this, Bella and Edward are over and everyone knows it. Not only did he now leave but now she can never be turned and he will look and smell disgusting to her. Just like Laurent and Victoria now look and smell disgusting.
Bella tries to tell herself she can get over this for love but Leah points out that Bella doesn't actually like Edward. Everything she lists off that she loves is how vampires look to humans, not shapeshifters. On further reflection, Bella realizes she knows next to nothing about Edward much less if she likes these things about him.
This is a horrible, devastating, blow that makes her almost grateful Edward left. SHE'LL ALWAYS HAVE HER MEMORIES.
Well, eventually Alice shows up, as thanks to being a shapeshifter, Bella has completely disappeared. Bella is once again presumed dead and... Oh dear god, Alice did not see this coming. Alice and Bella stare at each other awkwardly (Bella wants to cry because Alice smells and looks like a demon, Alice wants to cry because Bella smells like a dog and this ruins everything.)
It gets worse, Edward has decided to kill himself. This time, thanks to Bella being a werewolf, Alice can't see any way to stop him. If Carlisle has his phone on him this time around, she likely calls him to stall Aro and head to Italy. If he doesn't... Edward successfully kills himself.
Bella is even more distraught as, indirectly, she has caused Edward's death.
If he survives I imagine he comes back in a panic (as everything's terrible now and his plan didn't work out) and... Bella smells awful. Her beautiful, wonderful, torturous scent is gone. Esme thinks this is great, now it won't hurt for them to be near each other anymore and true love can win through. Better, Bella can be immortal and human! Just like Edward wanted! Isn't this great Edward!
Edward tries to pretend it's great because if it's not great then he has to admit that what he loved about Bella was her delicious smell and feminine aesthetic (gone as Bella had to chop off her hair). Unfortunately for him, Bella has admitted their relationship was superficial garbage and keeps insisting they're over. He spends Eclipse trying to win her back and convince himself he loves her new smell with increasing desperation.
However, in the background of all of this is that Aro has probably personally come to Forks to ensure this Bella girl gets turned (as Bella herself was not in Volterra and he probably had to appease Caius with 'I WILL PERSONALLY SEE TO IT') Now, on the one hand, Bella appears to be a new species that cannot be turned so there's nothing for him to do and the secret is intact he supposes, on the other hand it appears this Victoria woman has summoned an army and gone insane. The Volturi deal with the army while Aro is a fly on the wall for the Cullen melodrama that is "Will Edward and Bella Get Together or Not", which of course makes everything worse. Oddly entertaining for Aro, though, even as he finds himself having to give poor Bella Swan relationship advice.
Edward doesn't end up eating Bella (she smells terrible) but their relationship very likely doesn't work out either. Though Edward ever giving up on them is... unlikely. Bella may have to throw him off a cliff somewhere shouting "I LOVE YOU!" while sobbing.
265 notes - Posted January 6, 2022
#2
Why does Edward hate the Volturi so much? I mean pre-New Moon. He’s never met them, Carlisle has personally spent time with them and while he disapproves of their drinking human blood, he hasn’t painted them as warlords (that’s just Caius). He might have heard about Tanya’s mother, but after learning about the immortal child, that execution makes sense. Every point Edward has against them is either wildly exaggerated or false, and I don’t get the hate before NM especially.
A few reasons.
Carlisle Had a Life and Friends Before Edward
Carlisle lived several hundred years before he turned Edward. Yet, Edward, in his tale of Carlisle's life skips over nearly all of them. There's Carlisle finding the diet, he pursues and education, then suddenly we're in America and he's turning Edward.
Except, even Edward can't write off the Volturi.
There is a painting of them in his house, they are so important Edward relates them in the story to Bella. He downplays it as much as he can, Carlisle didn't stay long (twenty years), they were friends but the major ideological difference got in the way, etc. However, Edward can't leave them out.
This bothers him immensely.
He hates that painting, he hates the idea that the coven as it is didn't always exist, that there was a Carlisle he didn't know who had very close friends he lived with. Close friends who were not on the diet.
This profoundly disturbed and bothers Edward.
They're Not on the Diet and Edward Hates All Vampires
To Edward, vampires not on the diet are akin to Voldemort. They are inherently wicked beings who are driven by evil. While some are friends and Edward admits as much it's always with the feeling that they are lesser beings. They have no true ability to understand friendship, to form relationships with one another, and the Cullens and Denali are inherently better because of their diet.
The Volturi may be cultured patrons of the arts but they are not on the diet and have no intention of pursuing it. This in a way makes them worse as they pretend to be cultured, lovers of humanity when really they're just as soulless as all other vampires.
(And we'll skip over the portion where Edward left to eat people for years on his own telling Carlisle he wasn't the boss of him and doing it solely because he was curious what spectacular food he was missing out on.)
Does Edward Hate Them Pre-New Moon?
Not really.
I'd say he mildly respects them.
Oh, their existence bothers him and their law really bothers him when it means he'll have to either turn or murder Bella. However, he respects them.
Of the vampires who are Carlisle's friends he seems to view them as the most cultured, civilized, and dignified.
Again, he's not their biggest fan when it comes to what this means about Bella and when the law gets in his way, but he uses very mild language when explaining their role to Bella and he's relatively neutral when discussing them.
Remember that, when he wishes to kill himself, they are where he plans to go. He wants a noble, virtuous, death at the hands of these rulers.
The hatred comes in when they say no.
Edward hadn't planned on that.
Then, later, Bella is alive and suddenly they are A THREAT. They demand Bella be turned, the worst thing in the world, and suddenly Alice herself may be in danger.
I'd say Edward's hatred cements itself/comes into being in New Moon when suddenly the Volturi become far more than just a distant concept to Edward but instead the obstacle standing in the way of everything he wants.
If there were no Volturi then there would have been no need to turn Bella into a vampire, after all.
324 notes - Posted February 15, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
Omfg!! Ffn is closing?? Where did you hear this? I don’t see anyone else talking about this!!
Okay, calm down people.
I didn't hear it from anybody. There's no official word. HOWEVER, I've seen the signs and the signs aren't good.
All Hints of Moderation Have Ceased
There used to be a pretty rigorous team of moderators who ran the site but it's noted (and not just by me) that for a while they haven't seemed as responsive if they've been responsive at all.
Fics that would have been pulled in a heartbeat stay up. Spam bots do seem to have taken over PMs.
Their Authentication Server's Been Wonky
The authentication server has sometimes been entirely non-functional for users. In my case, fanfiction has kept me logged in for an eeriely long time, far longer than it ever used to.
Their Email Server's Been Black Listed
Their email server has been black listed by a prominent email provider (i.e. mine). I'm not talking sent to junk, I'm talking it will not send to the inbox as in it has been straight up black listed. Their solution to this is to tell me, the user, to white list their email rather than improve their reputation.
This is a terrible solution and a sign that things are not good.
Rather Than Pay for More Servers They Use Cloud Flare
It's probably been noticed by everyone that they're employing DDOS protection via cloudflare. Well, that's nice and all, except that it's slow, clunky, and annoying. It's not a good user experience and the more expensive but good option would be to up the number of servers they have or use a more seamless DDOS protection solution.
This is a sign they're not willing to spend the money for the good stuff.
The Proliferation of Ads
Fanfiction is now riddled with ads when not using ad block. It's ads every few paragraphs, completely breaking up a story. It's utterl illegible. To me this reeks of trying to wring out every last cent out of viewership without putting in effort of attracting people.
They know people are leaving so they've stopped trying at all.
They Didn't Renew Their Cert
Now, this I heard from somebody else but this IS THE SIGN. They didn't renew the cert for their website. Now, it expires in several years, but when it does you will no longer be able to traverse safely to the site and it may not even exist.
What Does All This Mean?
Is fanfiction going down today or tomorrow?
No.
But it means that if the email server fails... they might not fix it. If the authentication server fails... they might not fix it. If one of their databases fails and they have no backup... those fics might be gone.
It means that access could be lost, certainly for me as an author, with no warning and I may not get it back.
2,304 notes - Posted August 3, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
32 notes
·
View notes