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neuropathicgypsy · 5 years

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So there's this guy who isn't so great...

So i saw a photo of him and I'd seen it before but this time i was thinking about some dark shit...

And I realized who he is...

It doesn't always happen that way... Actually... Like it was dark but not bad... Then what i remember was bad...

And so may be this girl was lying and it was the way it was initially with the memories about this guy... And maybe she did deserve her ass beat...

But their relationship wasn't as he wanted me to believe... Like it was more like how she said it was...

And may be 100% like she said... Like maybe it really does only take 20 minutes for an abortion. How would i know? I never had one... Or may be her mom was confused... About what time i dropped her off... Idk im trying to remember 10 years later and frankly i don't even care.

I washed my hands of both of them fully in 2008....

So now randomly he's popped back in my life... And completely random...

I didn't have a problem with him until he kept lying to me... Like for real lies like "I'm coming over" and he doesn't. Like that. Not like i think he's lying... Like its really obvious hes lying... Like its a fact.

Then i was all fuck this shit. And Matt happened to be with him and I waited like 8 hours and he did this huge song and dance and so i told Matt, punch him 5 times, at least 2x in the face.

So Matt did... Cause dam dude it was ridiculous. I already seen him and i already identified his alter ego but i was okay to over look it. Like it wasn't my relationship and it wasn't like it been 10 years since she had him arrested for beating her and i went with her to the court...

Yeah he definitely can't handle alcohol...

Like he would be cool at my house at first but as the night wore on... I would be like 2 hours later... Time for bed and make an excuse of life i had the next day instead of drinking and hanging out all night

He would be all "its nine o'clock!!" And i would be all "yeah Tom, sometimes we all have to grow up and admit responsibility"

Yeah sometimes he was a bitch... Like when i said anything with sense he would be all "i need to duct tape her mouth"

Or that one time he wanted to put me in my kitchen trash bin... I told him i didn't give a Fuck so he put it over my head and i told him to pick up the trash off my kitchen floor and he did then swept it and left a big pile in the floor...

But overall he was just his unique self that i kinda got used to...

Because his drama with my friend was between them -- unless my friend bitched about him later, like when we took the kids to the park, and i tried to help her figure him out.

Anyways so now i know my friend wasn't lying about him...

And i know other shit he did... Like to me...

Cause i actually knew him in Alabama, NYC, Texas, Oklahoma and now here... Like a stalker...

And so i am wondering... Should I tell him what i know? What i remember? The bad things?

Or should i just not?

I wonder if it will do any good... Like Why for put myself through his bull shit when i really just want to be left alone?

Do i want to remember?

No... I don't want to feel my ribs feeling like they're about to break or sharp pains on the side of my head -- the side closest to the wall in the bed so he could say i fell instead of it being on the side where he slept...

Like being drugged... So he can lie as to why he and my ex husband thought it was great to spike drinks.... Like ...

I don't care. I really don't.

He knows what he did and I just want him to go away. Obviously he isn't going to stop... Obviously he shouldn't be around the female human...

But what I'm just gonna pull evidence out his ass? My ass? Prove it?

I really don't think i can...

He already was sentenced 9 months for what he did to my friend.

May be he learned... Idk.

Obviously hes not going to come over and despite his recent meddling, people have come to their senses about him... Like he totally doesn't give a shit about me. Or them.

So obviously i left him when i was younger, between his father and mine, i got out of the house with him and he quickly moved on to "someone better" and he brought her over and the next one an the next cause he thought when i told the girls he beat me, i was jealous and trying to break them up...

When i was saying, I am so glad i left and I'm left alone 90% of the time and he isn't all up my ass bugging me and being weird and hitting me cause he had nothing else to do and no brain activity. And that it could happen to them, too. For no fucking reason.

It took a while, too for his dad to help me understand it wasn't me... Like he was just crazy... Stupid. Jealous. And dumb. Not too long but i did have to be taught that there's no difference between an abusive boyfriend or girlfriend or husband and an abusive parent or sibling. I always thought i really did something wrong

Now I know... I let him live and i was afraid of him and to let the "monster inside of me" out. And i was afraid I wouldn't win and i would die at his hands.

Now I'm not. Now I don't even care although I know for a fact he could probably break my neck in less than 10 seconds... Not because I'm suicidal or don't care about myself.

But because I do care about myself and I know that i can kick his ass. I know i don't have to and i know i can kick his ass soft enough that he behaves better and also that i can kick it so he never breathes again.

Because I'm angry. At what he did to me. Im angry that i believe without a doubt he would do it again if i didn't know all HIS male friends that would kick his ass, without a doubt until he quit bleeding.

Because I'm angryi have to feel the physical pain he did to me and i have to remember the bruises and the tears and the frustration and annoyance and knowledge that i wasn't loved.

Because I'm angry my fucking ribs hurt.

Idk that night he put on his act. I wanted him dead. Like i didn't care. I wanted to. I really did. I wanted to care about his life and his safety but I didn't. I hated him. With every cell of my being.

Matt said "i only punched him 2x in the face" i was all go back and hit him 10x in the face!!! Like it wasn't enough and i KNOW Matt did to to what he deserved not tappy tap tap.

I heard that over a week later, on Halloween, his face was still mangled... Like 6 broken noses and 5 black eyes... Like... Obviously he only has one nose and 2 eyes but there was enough damaged tissue for more.

I dont even feel bad... Like i still feel,it isn't enough. Because now i feel pain. And have since Halloween when the people he went to the carnival with left because i left. And haven't seen him since. Because they figured out thwt he was purposely keeping them from me, in line for the Haunted House for nearly 2 hours... I was not gonna stay..,

They could got out of line and sat with me at the fire they gave more logs for and rejoined him when he was near the front... It was cold where they were. They could even had taken turns in line.

It wasn't something i could do... I didn't even know they were there until after I left. All i was told was they would be about an hour... Which made no sense cause i thought they said they were already there... So what for an hour?

For the first time in forever it was just me and my kid for Halloween. We could done anything. My kid actually wanted to do the Haunted House... But didnt want to wait in the 36°F line for over an hour.

Its a good thing they left too, i got beat up in the Halloween Haunted House before, too.... Perfect place... Dark.. Scary... All perfect for "accidents" with no real person to take fault... Just accidents...

So really... I'm like part of me wants to tell him i know what he did...

But more i just want him to not exist.

And then another part of me still likes him and wishes he has grown up and realized he could be better than he allows himself to be. Part of me feels sorry for him.

I know he just wants to be loved and safe Just like we all do...

And I could love him as a friend as I had in the past... Knowing hes not been trustworthy in the past makes it easier to protect myself.

I handled him quite pperfectly 11 years ago... Until my ex husband I was married to then, started encou stupid and dangerous and evil entertainment.

I still don't understand the point to drug someone to have sex with them. Like dude. You're saying you're not good enough to be liked with a person sober and woke and living normal.

So that says a lot about a person... That they have no confidence or true love for themselves.

I been for real single in my house for 10 years...having only long distance relationships. I dont feel the need to drug someone to allow them to like me. They either do or they don't.

Im curious as to why they dont but i dont care. Some people just do not get along with others. Its that simple. I don't like plenty of people and to have to explain myself or be pushed around because of it totally pisses me off. I don't like you, simple as that and I'll hate you before I love you.

I see the most problem with criminals is they dont love themselves but usually demand others to while not believing others do... So they beat them.

Its really really sad. Its horrible. How they can't break that barrier to love just themselves. And then turn themselves into unlovable trash that they shouldn't be.

So at the end of the day, if you don't want to be loved. Then i won't love you.

Its the most difficult lesson a person can learn and its the most saddest and heartbreaking. But also the strongest making, most wisdom learning lesson.

And so I can turn off my feelings, my warmth, my caring for someone whom asks me to. Most especially someone whom has or would try to beat it into me.

Life is: Survival of the Fittest, is it not?

If you cannot love yourself, cherish yourself enough to take risks then you cannot survive.

If you cannot believe you are loveable then your actions will cause you to not be loveable.

But yet people like Jesse James and "Tom" don't have a problem with being greedy and asking for more and more and more. Like vampires with empty souls sucking down unicorn blood in the forest like they want to live on a page of a Harry Potter novel.

And so my question is, do i tell him what i know he did to Me? Or does he just want to relish in the delight of what he got away with so that He can devise ways to lie to make me some sort of pawn in his life, someone to use?

Why waste my time?

Friday in about 15 seconds i lost my child support check... While looking for it lost another check for $2.40...Then at the bank moments later literally $5 disappeared from ny hands.

Then the next day i had taken off my shoes in the Wal-Mart wheel chair shopping cart... While wheeling around... Lost my dam shoe.

I didn't even bother to look for it.

And my cat was kidnapped... Then i sent someone to fetch him... "Tom" let him get kidnapped again... Then he got fetched again.... And i have yet to see him... So im like what the fuck? Its been over a week... I tried Thursday night to go ask the neighbors but all the gates were locked...

Then i got this like flue feeling thing where i want to puke all day and all these body aches and I just want to sleep.

And Every thing is pissing me off...

And know why? Cause this curse if u dont acknowledge the dead on Halloween with a fuckking Hello then i get all this bad luck. Happens every time.like excuse me ass holes i deal with you 300 days a year and i can't have one with my kid?!

Its absolutely ridiculous

So id much rather sleep then to decide to care about someone whom has shown they do not care about me.

But is it wrong?

Should I tell him all those hits and attempts at giving me amnesia were temporary and i know exactly who he is and that he's still lying and that I know he was all trying to marry my friend then still get with me?

His dad says that he knew hitting me made me leave so that's why he hit my friend. And his dad says that she wasn't pregnant and that same as at my house it was more all over him than him on her... Unlike when he was with me

And i know i still have a lot of memories that don't fit right that are messed up.

But I know exactly what happened between Sara and Tom according to Sara's words to me. Because that part of my memories have never been affected. Even if i was drinking... Because i didn't drink a lot because i get migraines if i do. Mostly wine coolers or rum and juice...

Plus there was two adult sized male idiots, a seemingly whore type person and then 3 children 2 under the age of 5. So obviously someone who wasn't stumbling and posing a threat to the kids by falling over on themselves had to be present.

I just got drunk enough... So that i really didnt give a shit about all the stupidity I saw in the adults around me. And could say shit like "you know Sara, sometimes you're really dumb. Hes told you like 40 times to get off him and you're still on him So when tomorrow you're all black and blue and he says you tripped going down the stairs and i saw you walk down them just fine, I'm not really gonna care. I mean its not like he told you or anything. 46 times"

But while sober... I would worry why he was so mean to his girlfriend. Why she would always be rejected by him. And why she would allow herself to be treated so horrible. If my friend told me always to get off them, i would feel sad. Sometimes I have had to tell my kid not to touch or lean on me because i have pain... But i try to adjust so that they can... As i have a lot of numb spots next to highly painful areas.

But between Tom and Sara... I felt it was weird,volatile and and dangerous. And they shouldn't be together.

I even asked him once cause Sara would go inside with my ex a lot... Hmmm.. Idc.

"Why don't you like Sara to touch you?" And his face would be red.

And i would say " okay so then when do you like Sara to touch you?" Cause then i would tell her So she could get her affection...

And it was always difficult to get him to talk about himself.. Until for two nights I didn't talk to him and when we we're alone after he kicked me under the table most of the night, all angry in my face why i wouldn't talk to him...

"Oh why because you called me duct tape for 6 months telling me not to talk to you. And then when I did or have tried to "get close to you" as i would a friend, you just sit there all dopey and smile and don't even answer a question i ask you"

You know then sara comes out and says i said he was on dope.

And she denies it...and I'm tired of her being oblivious to every dam thing on the fucking planet. And i straight out accuse them both of being on meth...

And so while trying to faceplant herself on his Dick shes all "we should leave"

So then i throw them out and they both refuse to move. What. The. Fuck.

He claims hes afraid to leave cause she is all dopey on his Dick.... And hes all shes gonna rape m3 and all tries to,hide behind me,touching my body to use me as a shield and tries to jump over the railing of my porch!!! But acts like hes afraid to and asks my permission like 14 times. Dude you're a grown ass man why the fuck are you asking that's dumb. We were on the lower level anyway. Literally 4 steps, including the top.

It always seemed that stupid and annoying.

So i really didn't care when he went to jail, sentenced for 14 months and got out in 9..

Or when on New Year's Eve, i took her and her kids Christmas presents and she hadnt got any of us anything... And I had bought and took her cigarettes and she didn't want to share when i ran out... Or when I said we needed to leave because my kid wanted to go home and she told me that I was being a bad friend because I'm a good mom... Because I was going to leave... Then we went to the bonfire which my kid liked and so Sara said if i wanted to smoke her Winstons... Then i had to go get them and she threw them .... Because she was jealous all her neighbors were talking and laughing with me because i actually do know how to socialize.

And i quit being friends with her that night.

Left .... And every time she text me after i just told her to shut up and fuck my husband....but she didn't know because shes so sef absorbed that 2 months prior I told him i wanted a divorce.

On Thanksgiving.

In front of my uncle....

And so... Still... Should I tell him I think he's a complete ass hole with something to hide or a chicken shit that is making it look like he does.... And allow him to explain himself or not...

Because I a fucking tired of him trying to get into my brain. Hes all hiding. I'm not.

I heard in 4 months he hit me 15 occasions... I used the calculator and it was once every 8 days. I was 16. He was 23.

That enough makes me want to not talk to him. But i also don't want him to be all well that's your fault Sabrina. And blame me all kinds because I gave him a chance. I gave him a 100% chance.

Then when he blew me off more than once,including in DM.. I was all forget you then.... But then when I said i didn't want to fuck him, he lost his Goddam mind. Like dude... So yeah... When were we ever going to anyways when you can't even drive to someone's house? Or set up a date and actually go to it? It was So irrational the way he reacted. What? I'm a cum bucket? Like what he's gonna random run into me at Wal-Mart an pound me from behind in the family bathroom while i hold onto the toilet seat??

Seriously. Hes not rational

So I'm like to tell him what I've been told by th3 dead and what i remember... Its just a waste of effort, isn't it?

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dongshancai · 5 years

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final thoughts on he is psychometric

so just to get this out of the way: when i first heard that jinyoung and yeeun would be in a thriller drama together, i wasn’t expecting this + i wasn’t really excited either because i’m not the biggest fan of thriller (at least it wasn’t horror). and i wasn’t even excited unTIL the official trailer dropped and i was like OHOHOH THIS LOOKS FUN.

IT WAS NOT FUN.

OR AT LEAST, IT WAS FUN FOR LIKE THREE EPISODES.

this drama was really really well executed and while the ending is too... eh in my opinion, it’s not as bad as other endings i’ve seen before.

the pace of the overall drama was PERFECT. maybe the editors went a little too overboard in the flashbacks (i thought it was irrelevant to put a flashback of something that happened earlier in the episode) sometimes, but it was fast paced so it didn’t lose it’s momentum. i was on the edge of my seat the entire time and the plot twists were UGHGHGH FRUSTRATING but it made sense to the plotline. except for maybe jisoo’s death. idk. like i get it did up the shock factor, but i don’t feel like the characters had enough time to properly grieve for her and legitimately be thrown off course like i’m sure is the intended purpose. the characters bounced right back too quickly for my liking, especially knowing their emotional ties with her. so her death should’ve been handled better in terms of writing and i’m not even saying this because everyone likes jisoo--i genuinely believe that if they killed her, her death should’ve impacted the characters more or don’t kill her at all. ALSO JAEIN’S KIDNAPPING. it was so obvious she was going to live so it was really anticlimactic. like psychologically, i thought the way of killing her was interesting because i’ve never seen a murder like that in shows before, but;;;;;;;; idk jaein’s kidnapping was kinda irrelevant because everyone knew she was going to live. maybe if she was kidnapped a bit later than it would’ve been more believable.

IN TERMS OF THE CONCLUDING EPISODE, like most dramas, they try to cram too much in that one hour. i felt like the trials could’ve been longer unless that was the director’s intended effect to quickly sum up everyone’s sentences IDK IT DOESN’T REALLY SIT WELL WITH ME. especially with geuntaek’s trial because in the end, he got what he wanted: to see kang eunjoo. and while her arc ended that she gained the courage to finally speak up, i don’t like how geuntaek got to see her one last time.

also i wish we got to see a biiiiit more of jaein and her dad because they look so happy together :( but their interaction in the prison didn’t seem too realistic to me either. he seemed too happy. and even though i get why he would, he also tried to commit suicide to stop jaein so i feel like he should’ve, scolded her a bit or something idk like your typical asian parent would do

as for seungmo UGH I DON’T KNOW WHAT I FEEL TOWARDS HIM. because WOW the writers did an AMAZING job at getting us to sympathize with him and root for him only for him to STILL BE NOBLE AND TURN HIMSELF IN AND ASLIDFHASDFAS under all his circumstances, it makes sense that most people would pity him and the writers executed that FLAWLESSLY. but he still killed people and lied to many others and im so :(((((( i wanted him to have a happy ending but with 13 years in prison, he would be incarcerated for 22 years of his life and that just seems so cruel. and those years he lived free? he lived in worry and guilt I WOULD UNDERSTAND IF THE SENTENCE WAS ABOUT 3-7 YEARS because he did admit to everything he did + was a minor and everything else the trial stated but 13 years seem so cruel >:( but then again, it is pretty realistic so,,, what can you do :(

i would write more about the other characters like ahn and jaein and daebong and seohyun but i love them too much there’s nothing much to talk about rather than me screaming about how much i love them. the mundane moments were so cute <3333 THE CAST WAS REALLY AMAZING IN TERMS OF ACTING LIKE I HAD REALLY REALLY REALLY LOW EXPECTATIONS FOR JINYOUNG GOING IN (idols don’t have the best rep when they gain a drama role ESPECIALLY for a non school life drama and I haven’t watched Jinyoung in anything besides 3 episodes of Dream Knight lkasdfjlasdf) and I didn’t really like Do Hana in A-TEEN that much so like, i was alskdfasdkfjasdf iffy going in but WOW they really stole my heart. Kim Kwon and Dasom were really amazing as well. I can’t say too much about Dasom because I don’t know her personality and Jisoo was cute and badass and your normal relatable girl so asdioufhsd if anything, Dasom’s personality could be really similar to Jisoo. But her conviction in trying to solve the case was really well executed. You can see her struggle of wanting to find the truth even though her crush might be behind everything. AS FOR KIM KWON WOW. I HAVEN’T WATCHED HIM IN ANYTHING ELSE BUT I BELIEVE IT TAKES MAJOR SKILL TO PLAY STOIC CHARACTERS since you have to show emotions but at the same time, you can’t show emotions (which is why I hate it when boy idols receive the cold characters bc;;;; their acting isn’t very nuanced :/// sorry boys) and seungmo didn’t even HAVE emotions as a character AND HE SLDAKFASDKFJ WOWOOWOWOWOW. he did amazing. the actor for Lieutenant Nam was pretty cool too I’m not gonna lie :’) he was this bumbling officer that made me really uncomfortable, but his lines were pretty cool. and that kinda dumb detective was cute ahaha

ALSO THE MATH TEACHER IN THE FIRST TWO EPISODES. HE WAS THE GUY WHO PLAYED TWO CHARACTERS IN BONG SOON AND YEESH i really love his acting I had to mention him.

AND OKAY ONE MORE MENTION: THE ACTRESS FOR KANG EUNJOO. I watched her in Love Returns and she was this loud mouth SUPER ANNOYING JUDGEMENTAL AUNT AND I HATED HER CHARACTER TO MY CORE but dang she’s GOOD. Kang Eunjoo is the complete opposite of the aunt in Love Returns, so it was really interesting to see how she played Eunjoo.

ALSO. I’M SO SAD THAT THIS DRAMA IS GOING TO WASTE IN TERMS OF HYPE it was so good and fresh and different i’m surprised it didn’t receive more viewership :((( okay, actually, i’ve seen a couple people not like the show that much and like, i’m kinda biased bc i don’t really watch thriller so a lot of these concepts are somewhat new to me but asdfjklasdf whatever. i thought it was good. i can’t believe it’s over, it was such a crazy ride. so um, if i had to rate the show overall: 9.5/10 I think the execution in every area was very good and there’s nothing i despise too much overall. so i’m VERY satisfied with the show and 1000000% recommend it.

(last critique: while the cinematography was pretty good, sometimes a little TOO MANY TIMES, there were a couple of shots where it seemed like someone was watching a character when really, it was just a badly framed and panned shot to keep everything dynamic. i wouldn’t mind it too much if THERE WEREN’T ALREADY SCENES LIKE THAT BECAUSE A STALKER ACTUALLY EXISTS IN THE STORY)

#he is psychometric #contains spoilers #.txt

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letterstomyloverss · 5 years

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Dear D

Dear D,

This is probably the funniest letter I get to write. You my friend, are actually trash. That may be harsh but boy is it true. You are one of the worst people I know and I don’t know if you mean to be that way or if you just cant help it. I met you at my summer job when I was 19. All I remember is that my sister had a crush on you and you called her your stalker. I remember after she told me that I actually talked to you for the first time and I basically told you to fuck off. I didn’t think a second thought about you at all until my very last day. We had always been somewhat flirty here and there but never everything serious because I thought you were a dick because my sister said you were. On my last day you came into my area of work and asked for my snapchat, which at the time I thought nothing of but the MINUTE I walked out the front door of the restaurant you snapped me and asked to hang out.

I swore you had a girlfriend but I didn’t know for sure and I didn’t think you would ask me to hang out at 11 pm at night at the park at your high school if you did, but I was wrong. I showed up and I didn’t really know what to expect. See I was still extremely innocent and had never had sex before. Of course for you that was exciting and you started to undress me. I stopped you and asked about your girlfriend and you said “lets not think about her”. We moved to the car, did things we shouldn’t have and then I went home. Let me remind you I was innocent I didn’t know what a one night stand meant (the type of emotional strength you have to have to fuck someone and never see them again) and I had never hooked up with someone in their car (I basically had only hooked up with like one other guy at that point). You told me you wanted to be the one to take my virginity and you were so excited to start this with me and that you might even come to New York. Looking back now I legit cackle because I cant believe I believed that, like wow I was dumb.

Anyways, after that you stopped talking to me completely and I was SO confused. Young me had no idea that boys could really be this trash. Finally you agreed to meet me the night before I moved to NYC again and we talked about what happened. You said I was “hot” so you couldn’t control yourself when I asked why you did what you did and that you were “doing everything possible to keep your hands off me” in that moment. Such bullshit. You reminded me you had a girlfriend and this could never be anything. I basically said whatever.

Of course I didn’t get over it that quickly, so when I came home in November I texted you again. I asked if you broke up with your girlfriend and you said yes, which was a lie. So I came over to your house. Safe to say I did not want to have sex with you so I left.

I didn’t talk to you until the next summer where you legitimately pretended I didn’t exist and when I got mad at you and called you out you basically admitted that you used me and wanted nothing to do with me ever again. I was just a “work accident” to you. I was SO upset which is so funny to me now because what the hell was I upset about, a 25 year old who still lived at home and cheated on his girlfriend countless times didn’t want me?? Crazy right. Anyway after that it all gets a little fuzzy and Im not exactly sure what happened, but I used Laurino to try and get you mad, making it obvious he and I talked. That backfired and I fell for Laurino which wasn’t planned, but it helped me get over you so thats a plus and it made you jealous. Boys like you are so easy to figure out. After all of that of you telling me you didn’t want me, I came to work in a mini skirt on purpose and you couldn’t control yourself. We ran into each other at the same gas station after work and you wanted me to follow you home. I didn’t.

We hooked up another time in your car and in my basement and I think I was trying to convince myself that it would get better but it just didn’t. It was so mediocre and youre selfish. You had no intention of getting me off it was all about you, always.

Time for an ego check D, you’re a piece of shit.

All the best,

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