#It's a horrible mix of my confusing gender and my autism | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

magicaltriofromthedreamworld · 11 months

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Hey this is my first time requesting anything so here we go. Could you do a poly rottmnt turtles with a gender neutral reader who has autism? (Hope you got some water today bro, have a good day)

OH MY GOSH YOUR MY FIRST REQUEST

i dont know much about autism but i do know that sometimes they go mute, have meltdown, stim, have sensory issues, have trouble with their emotions, have hyperfixations or stuff they really like

(also in this you will have a hyperfixation on turtles because yes)

(and i hope you have a wonderful day and get you something to eat! im drinking my pink lemonade drink mix while writing this)

POLY TURTLES X AUTISTIC!GN!READER(part 1?)

-you were always labeled weird by other people.

-always obsessing over turtles, stating facts you learned and some of your favorites which were a alligator snapping turtle, softshell turtle, red eared slider turtle, and a ornate box turtle

you ran down the street, hearing the horrible names that people were calling you. you ran as fast as you could down the ally way.

you stayed there for hours, crying your eyes out as you hugged Mr. turtle, a plush you had bought yourself recently from your first paycheck.

you heard rustling from beside you

"-and remember the time I portaled you guys to tahiti?" the random person said before stopping his speech, hearing your soft cries from the ally way

"hello? are you alright?" the big one said

you froze suddenly at the sight of these people, scared of what they might do.

"hey...we arent going to hurt you, okay?" the big one said again as he outstretched his hand

you nod in reply and take his hand, going to turn on the flashlight to see who was being so nice to you before they start to panic

"dont turn on the flashlight please!" they said

"why not?" you asked confused

"we definitely arent mutant turtles or something. just humans in alien costume!" it sounded like the other tallest one was being sarcastic at that but had a tint of nervousness in his speech

"please?" you asked, looking up at whoever was in front of you

thats when those turtles realized it was love at first sight at that moment by hearing your voice

you heard a popping sound, looking over it seemed like it was... a shell?

"is that a turtle?! i love turtles, did you know that an alligator snapping turtle is the largest species of freshwater turtle?"

you started to rant on and on about turtles as you walked over to the shell, looking around it.

"i think this is an ornate box turtle! but whys its shell so big?" you exclaimed

"dont be afraid..." the shell spoke before popping out, making itself known

"your a mutant?...thats so cool!" you said

"whats your guys' names? im Y/N!" you held mr turtle in one hand as you held out your hand for them to shake. they took your hand, shaking it

"why arent you afraid? also, im Mikey!" he said as he shook your hand

"because they probably love turtles?" the 2nd tallest said "also, im donatello but you can call me donnie, and im a softshell" he stated

the other one spoke up "im leo! a red eared slider!" her pushed the other out of the way and shook your hand before kissing the back of it

your face turned red as he did this

"You should be at home. It's getting kind of late" raph said

(Time skip) they walk you home and you go to sleep after saying goodbye, waiting until you can see them again

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serinemolecule · 3 years

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Not to harp on the obvious, but the discussion feels hollow without it: the only reason some people - not all, maybe not most, but definitely some - push for "equality" and "inclusiveness" and etc. in tech is because it's seen as a desirable and powerful position. No one's been belly-aching about it back when it was fashionable to tell nerds to stop being fat and ugly and what a bunch of losers they are. It's only up for discussion now that there's something to be gained from it. It's hypocrisy.

(context: a lot of women-in-tech discourse)

I mean, I was belly-aching about it.

I like to say I was a feminist until I met other feminists. I definitely saw plenty of things nerds could be doing better for equality. But then the first time I met other feminists, they were harassing nerds and writing long essays about how nerds were even worse than average men (which still seems to me like an absolutely insane position).

That was... a really big crisis of faith there. I spent years reading feminist literature, trying to understand their point. And the crazy thing was, a lot of the principles and concepts do appeal to me. But then the way they’d apply it, talking about how privileged nerds were, or just using it as an excuse to be assholes to people, that’s always seemed wrong to me.

My approach at the time was just to try to understand it better in private, and never talk about it in public. This lasted until I read the SSC essays on social justice which I entirely agreed on, then I joined Tumblr to hit on Scott, and since then I started getting more comfortable with writing out my thoughts, but also the really bad SJ of the early 2010s just mostly faded away from the spaces I’m in. I still hear insane stories from other places (like the New York Times! wtf!) but it no longer feels like a crisis afflicting my own community, so I never wrote anything out.

Part of it’s that my community is the rats, now. SJWs may still exist here, but they don’t have a social power to turn us against each other. Whatever effect Topher’s tweet had on the rest of the world, it means he’s no longer welcome among rats anymore. We dismiss them with equanimity using the ancient proverb, “Haters gonna hate”.

Anyway, I suppose now’s as good a time as any for me to talk about what I think about feminist theory.

I get the impression that Scott is embarrassed by his old posts on gender politics, but I still endorse every word. Even the words people like to criticize the most, I endorse as an angry expression of “Why don’t you care about how many people your ideology is hurting?” That said:

Privilege theory – I remember encountering privilege theory and thinking “yes, this totally fits the model that normies are privileged and nerds are marginalized”, until I got to the part where they started talking about how privileged nerds were. I think the theory is still pretty good, and of course the practice about writing privilege checklists and using it to silence people is incredibly fucked up.

Patriarchy theory – Fortunately, no one talks about patriarchy theory anymore. It came from the radfems and it always seemed horrible to me. It's uncontroversially true that ruling class is mostly male, but patriarchy theory seems to just equivocate between that and insane conspiracy theories.

For example, “culture is built for the benefit of men at the expense of women” requires you to just dismiss everything that hurts men and helps women, to excuse that fashion policing is nearly solely perpetuated by other women, and even if it’s true, the fact that it is perpetuated by everyone means pointing the finger at a specific group will not help fix the problem. Did Kamala Harris exercise “girl power” when she kept black prisoners in jail past their release date?

Cultural appropriation – The usual steelman I hear for this is “it sucks when white people take your culture for themselves, and yet still call it cringe when you practice your own culture” – but the only objectionable part is the latter! Stop objecting to the former part! There’s nothing wrong with culture mixing and it is in fact one of the most beautiful things in the world!

Part of it’s that I’m a first-gen immigrant, and cultural appropriation attitudes often come from insecurities second-gen immigrants have. Cultural appropriation just means I’m now an expert on your new culture and you’re not allowed to stop me from infodumping on it.

The other steelman is “misusing religious artifacts is bad” and I think to the extent that it’s bad, it’s bad whether you’re doing it to your own culture or to other cultures.

In general I think Halloween was, among other things, a great celebration of diversity that did not need to be cancelled, and I don’t think any costume was offensive to the majority of any culture.

Intersectionality – This word confused me for so long. People kept explaining it as “black women often have problems specific to their group that neither women’s groups nor black groups themselves are equipped to fight” which just seemed obviously true and didn’t seem like we needed a word for it.

Over the years, I’ve seen it be used as a reminder of “don’t forget how your activism affects other marginalized groups”, so it’s probably a useful concept to keep around.

Microaggressions – I think being oblivious to microaggressions is an autism thing, but I still think it’s insane to make them a political issue. Sure, you can vent about them, but acting like they’re on par with actual aggressions just seems like a losing cause.

On second thought, I don’t think I have a problem with making them a political issue in general. I think the whole tactic of SJWs being a hateful harassment mob makes the microaggressions thing just come off as especially petty.

I also think there’s a lot of competing access needs here. I actually really like infodumping about what kind of Asian I am to anyone willing to listen, and I think acting like the question is the root of all evil is really unfair, especially since literally everyone who’s ever asked has been happy to learn about the finer points about Chinese ethnic groups.

Isms as prejudice + power – People have mostly stopped discoursing about this, which is good. Language policing always seemed bad to me.

Objectification – SSC says everything I feel on the topic: https://slatestarcodex.com/2013/03/17/my-objections-to-objectification/

The last time this came up in Discord, people said that objectification is more than the straw-man being criticized in this article, that it’s about people being entitled to your body or whatever. But I think the article does address that: “This is obviously a legitimate complaint. It’s just not a complaint about objectification.”

I got exposed to objectification as a criticism of hot girls in video games. And I just can’t see hot girls in video games as a bad thing.

Rape culture – [cw rape] This is an incredibly sensitive subject so I’m going to give you some time to stop reading here.

Our culture has a serious problem with rape. I think it’s important to understand that it’s usually committed by friends and family, that it’s depressingly common and has nearly definitely happened to people you know, that it’s usually committed by people who don’t think of what they’re doing as rape, and that all the discourse on it is really fucked up.

I also think that calling this “rape culture” entirely misses the point. I’m sympathetic that SSC doesn’t understand it: https://slatestarcodex.com/2013/04/19/i-do-not-understand-rape-culture/

Our problem isn’t that we glorify rape. Our problem is that we consider it a special kind of evil so bad that of course no normal person would ever do it, and this makes it easy to rationalize that whatever this normal person did couldn’t have been rape, which causes huge harms.

I don’t have answers, but I think it’s incredibly clear that calling it “rape culture” doesn’t help.

In general, I don’t think feminist activism on the topic of rape goes in the right direction. The smug “consent is like tea” video has the exact same problem. People don’t need to hear more “normal people would never rape” messaging.

#gender politics

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questioning-resources · 7 years

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How did you realise you were nonbinary? Like what did it feel like to be nonbinary did you just know or was it more of a sort of figuring out over time Uugg I'm just so confused sorry about this mess of an ask

Oh gosh, it was a hoot. Story time! I’m putting this one under a cut because y'all know I’m long-winded. Also, disclaimer that is was my own experience and in no way represents what everyone goes through – while I experience severe physical dysphoria, many enby people don’t.

(Background information for anyone who doesn’t know: I’m 20, a scientist, AFAB girlflux, and consider myself more-or-less FTX/transneutral.)

TL;DR It took most of my life for me to realize I was trans but only like 2 months for me to find a label that fit and yes it was emotional, also this is why visibility matters. (cw for genitalia mention, religious conservatism, general questioning anxiety about transphobia)

So for the first 16-17 years of my life, I had never been exposed to anything beyond the gender binary. It wasn’t that I was transphobic, it was just that, growing up in a tiny town in an ultra-conservative state in a religious family, simply it was never spoken about, until my friend came out as pangender (if I remember right?) in my junior year of high school. Even then I didn’t really understand what that meant, but I still accepted it. Really my first “true” exposure to the LGBTQ+ circle was when a close friend came out to me as asexual, and after some research I realized I was too. That was July-October 2014 and about that time was when I really got introduced to the gender spectrum.

Pretty much my entire life I never considered I could be trans, solely because I usually still felt like a “girl” and I presented feminine. But looking back there were signs: I was a tomboy, for one, as a kid. I hated Barbies, I loved dinosaurs, I made my dinosaurs eat my Barbies and stashed them far under my bed to my mom’s dismay. I liked dresses but there were days when I fought mom for shorts. I hated messes (autism and OCD yay!) but being raised in the South, I spent a lot of time outdoors and more than once got into “sand fights” with my cousins (don’t… don’t ever do that it’s very dangerous). But the first clue that I really saw was when I was a teenager. I’ve always loved dressing feminine, but there were days when I would get into a dress or feminine clothes and suddenly, everything felt “wrong” and I would get nauseous and need to change immediately, and it led to panic attacks sometimes. I remember crying in the bathroom at my senior winter formal (not prom as I said before I mixed them up imsorry!) because I was stuck without a change of clothes and I felt horrible. And my period was a whole monster in itself; the same feeling would come up, but I always thought it was what every girl went through, that it was the hormones and pain, the feeling of wrongness in your own body. At the time I had no idea that was called dysphoria. I never had a problem being called a girl, or with my name, but hated being called a woman. There were days where hearing me referred to as a female felt “strange” in a way I couldn’t describe.

June 2016 was when I finally realized I was experiencing pretty severe gender dysphoria, mainly physical bottom dysphoria. I realized there were times when I felt 100% female inside, no questions asked, and when this happens I often still question whether I’m actually nonbinary or just “faking” it. And then there were the times where I felt “less” of a girl, and even days where there was absolutely nothing there. After sifting through literally hundreds of labels I found out about genderflux in August, and it immediately resonated with me and I actually cried. Like full-on sobbed, I was so happy. Like oh god, this is what I’ve been experiencing, I’m not alone, I’m not broken. So for me, I go from girl, to demigirl, to librafeminine, to neutrois, in any order. Like a dimmer switch!

I’ve kept my birth name because it doesn’t feel wrong (also I’m too lazy to even consider renaming myself lol), and use alternating she/they pronouns, which just varies depending on how I feel. I actually didn’t like they/them pronouns at first and stuck with she/her, but then as time went on I became more comfortable with them on my less-female days.

I had been dating my (wonderful) boyfriend for 1 ½ years, who already knew I was biromantic asexual and had no problem with it, and we have so many nonbinary friends – but I wasn’t sure how he’d feel about his partner being nonbinary. So I came out to him and he was totally cool with it and still is! In April 2017 I texted my mom and told her, expecting rejection, and while I know she didn’t “understand” she told me she loved and supported me and just wanted me to be happy. I think having come out to my parents twice before helped with that. A week later I publicly came out as queer, and last week I posted a picture of myself with my they/them pronoun button and got nothing but positive responses. In the future I plan on getting bottom surgery to create a “neutral” or angenital appearance, and get my uterus and vagina removed (which I also have a medical reason to do so yay!) I’ll probably keep my breasts, I don’t have top dysphoria to the point that it’s crippling.

So yeah! It was a wild ride and still is. Thanks for asking. I hope my rambling might have helped in some way. Always feel free to send in another ask.

#nonbinary #gender #coming out #transneutral #ftx #genderflux #genitalia mention cw #religious conservatism cw #dysphoria #personal

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