#RIP mu qing i feel u bro like has everyone SEEN taizi dianxia

[nyerus]

Musings about Mu Qing’s Feelings Towards Xie Lian

Since Mu Qing won the “polls” on twitter last night, I thought I’d bully him a bit and publish this pseudo-meta. I had trouble understanding him at first, until it hit me at some point that it’s not entirely impossible that he may have harbored unrequited romantic feelings for Xie Lian--which helped explain a lot of things.

This is super rough since it’s what I tossed out on one of my discord servers, so it may have some typos/etc. And it’s just my personal interpretation, so take that as you will!

MQ probably felt Some Way™ for XL ever since their childhood days, and you see it during book 2 especially when you get to see XianLe trio's happy background. It's easy to fall in love with someone who essentially pulled you out of the dirt, and then continuously protected you from scrutiny by taking it on to themselves. Easier still when that person is someone like XL. For all that MQ b!tches, he didn't actually hate being XL's servant back then. He didn't mind the work, and he definitely was grateful for the opportunity to be so close to XL, all the time. But what he resented was undoubtedly the fact that his status was so much lower than XL's to the point that XL was completely and utterly unattainable (not just romantically, platonically as well). And his frustration and anger over this often presented itself whenever XL did nice things for him. Because it wasn't that MQ didn't appreciate that, but that it further cemented the idea that XL was beyond reach. XL could do as he pleased, as the crown prince, and it was clear he would never see MQ the way MQ wanted to be seen. An equal, on the same playing field.

CONTINUED UNDER THE CUT DUE TO LENGTH:

And thus when XL fell from grace, MQ had mixed feelings. Finally, XL was off that pedestal, but somehow he was even harder to reach than ever. And it hurt MQ to see him that way--frustrated, reckless, and so so so human. Because it forced MQ to confront the nature of his feelings towards XL and it just wasn't something he could do because he himself at the time didn't understand how he felt, or why. So he LEFT.

But he didn't leave out of malicious intent--he needed space to process, and furthermore, he couldn't see XL suffering. "Maybe I can find a way to fix this." Which is why he probably cultivated like crazy to ascend, so he could drag FX and XL up to middle court, and keep them safe and provided for. MQ is not at all in tune with his emotions at this point, though, so it came off all sorts of wrong. And he's also the type of person to be like "the ends do justify the means" which is why his 'betrayal' on the mountain, with the other heavenly officials, happened at all. He could stand up for XL then, but then alienate himself from the others and hurt his chances at being able to help XL in the long run. Or he could just keep his mouth shut for now and find a way to make it up to XL later. (Which is what he tries, with the food he brings after that.) But he doesn't understand that this betrayal is so fundamentally damaging to XL, because XL has only one thing left at all: the notion that friends will stand by you. MQ already damaged this by leaving, but when he betrayed XL on the mountain, that was the final straw. XL's trust and the last shred of hope he had was shattered. That's why XL lashed out so badly (and would do so later at FX), but MQ didn't understand how important it was once again--because he himself isn't that introspective or good with his emotions. But this event cemented itself in MQ's mind forever. It's the one thing he holds against himself the most, even if he doesn't admit it. Because that's when he broke the person he was trying to fix.

MQ definitely tries to get on with his life after this, and he does, but he never lets it go--because he never lets anything go. And when XL ascends, it's finally his chance to do right by him, but he is still repressed as hell and doesn't know how to do that straightforwardly. He camps in the communication array from the MOMENT XL ascends to look out for news about XL. LW even remarks on this like "wow you seem to have a lot of time on your hands--you've been in the array 24/7 lately." It's because, well, he has. He's keeping watch. And the second he gets the info he needs on XL's first assignment, he (and FX) absolutely yeets down there to help because what else is he supposed to do? He's not gonna let a spiritual energy-less XL fend for himself. He still has a sense of duty towards XL, and that massive guilt he's been carrying around all this time. But he's too proud to admit that he wants to help, so he and FX just disguise themselves and do it anyway. MQ is continuously perceptive during this to XL's situation and is equal parts shocked/taken-aback and oddly satisfied. Once again, XL seems so so so far away. Still unreachable, but now differently so.

Which is why he has SUCH a distaste for HC, moreso than FX does, because HC has managed to weasel his way into XL's life and make himself a somewhat permanent fixture. That's what MQ wanted to be, and was never able to achieve, so “how the hell did HC do that in a matter of days?!” But it becomes clear to MQ, especially around book 3, that HC has already "won" so to speak. (And as an aside--MQ was genuinely upset at the Battle of the Lanterns not because XL won, but because it was such an overt romantic gesture from HC and he knew it. FX was really chill about it because he didn't realize that and also didn't really care. But XL notices that MQ's expression was very dark and unreadable at the time, and it's easy to see why.) When MQ taunts HC at the end of book 3, it's INCREDIBLY revealing. Because he accuses HC of a lot, and a lot of it is straight-up projection too. Which HC immediately recognizes and throws back at him. HC has also probably known from a very very long time, too, because he would know desire for XL when he sees it, better than anyone. (Not to mention the bad blood between HC and MQ ontop of all this! Big RIP there.)

But MQ is, if anything, at least a gracious loser. In a way. In book 5 he admits that he finds XL spectacular, and that he would like to try to be friends from thereon. FX and XL are almost baffled by this because it feels unspoken that they already were, but to me, it always felt like MQ was purposefully re-defining their relationship for himself. Which is a healthy step forward! And by the end of the Ghost King's Birthday extra, he understands that Hualian are a paired set and while it still annoys him, he's coming to terms with it. He's one of the few people that really get even a fraction of Hualian's love for each other, because he knows what it feels like to love XL.

*Keep in mind that these are just my personal musings based on how I chose to interpret things. None of this is confirmed, just fun to consider! This is less a straight-up MQ meta and focused particularly on his feelings towards XL, so I’ve left a lot of things about his characterization out as well. He’s a complicated and interesting character and that would take a whole ‘nother post, whew!

Thank you for reading if you’ve made it this far!~ (*¯ ³¯*)♡

#tgcf #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #hob #mulian #well one-sided at least #RIP mu qing i feel u bro like has everyone SEEN taizi dianxia #meta #nyerus.txt