#a global pandemic happened and you got really sick and hospitalised multiple times

[gregmarriage]

me as a kid being like ‘i wanna stay home all day and do whatever i want!’ and adult me being chronically ill, disabled and bed ridden ✌🏻

#like be careful what you wish for kid #sisters to me at 2020 new year’s being all ‘i just want something interesting to happen!!’ #i think you can see where this is going #like yeah something ‘interesting’ did happen #a global pandemic happened and you got really sick and hospitalised multiple times #more times than you ever have in your life #august isn’t just my birthday month anymore #it’s also the anniversary of being getting hospitalised for the first time and all the horrible shit starting up #which is fun #like i’m turning 25 this year and then like 3 days later: trauma time!!! #it’s been four years this year #actually quite sickening #four years ago i was physically healthy #this shit really does just come out of nowhere sometimes and completely changes your life and you just have to deal with it #because you can’t change it no matter how much you might wish for it #all the people thinking they’d never get disabled #neither did i #no one expects to be 21 and stuck in a hospital bed #i’ve blacked out most of that time #like i genuinely don’t remember most of my 20s #even the non traumatic stuff #my brain just decided to get rid of it #and i can’t tell if my personality is bred from trauma or just bc i’m in my 20s now #it’s so hard to work out #bc i’m unsure if ppl who knew me before would even recognise me #have i changed or am completely the same? #i suppose being recently manic has left me questioning a lot of things #i’m basically revisiting a lot of stuff in an attempt to better cope and understand my triggers etc so i can better deal with the next one #honestly my brain has blacked so much out i don’t even remember having manic episodes #even tho i basically know i did