#a list of things i am trying to use to keeo myself alive

[pastelblackbirds]

the smell of alpaca breath

the way the soft blankets feel on my skin when they are cold

the sight of the sunset over the reservoir

chatting with the magpies

really good showers in the dark

breathing in fresh air

drinking water when ive been parched

getting a sketch right the first time

the smell of watercolour paint

creating something that others love

loving

the sound of kirins screams when she sees me

del's noises when dad starts playing with her

abu's gentle horse breath

seeing the cria play with one another

getting surprise kisses from the girls

ambushing the boys with hugs

the feeling of evvy purring around my shoulders

the sight of the stars at the farm

those early days before i knew it would all be so bad

the way the sunlight hits my wall in the morning

kuzon's squeaks

wearing mesh

wearing mismatched jewelry

eating weird food combinations

the taste of burnt popcorn

sleeping in and waking up without any pain

watching a really good anime

laughing so hard i start crying

being hugged

hugging

mostly being hugged

feeling like i am worth something

feeling like i am useful to someone

feeling like i have helped

soft pyjamas

a really, really good selfie

keeping in contact with old friends

losing contact with people who hurt me

the thought of getting to meet who i love

#a list of things i am trying to use to keeo myself alive #tw suicide #personal #long post