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incomprehensiblelentils · 3 years

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Lentils’ 2020 Christmas Movie Rankings

My wife and I watched a lot of Christmas movies this year, and I thought it would be fun to rank them based on which ones I think were most watchable and enjoyable. I’ve left out a few that we watched during this time period, which are classic Christmas movies (Miracle on 34th Street), action movies set at Christmas (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and Iron Man 3), or older romances set around Christmas (While You Were Sleeping and You’ve Got Mail), because it’s not fair to rank these amongst, well, some of the movies we saw.

my top 5, for those of you who don’t like reading (which is fair): The Princess Switch: Switched Again, Dashing in December, The Princess Switch, Jingle Jangle, Happiest Season.

my top 3 Chaotic Christmas Movies: A New York Christmas Wedding, 12 Pups of Christmas, The Princess Switch: Switched Again. Please watch these movies if you enjoy chaotic plots. Please especially watch the first two I listed because holy shit my summaries do not properly convey the chaos.

The Princess Switch: Switched Again (2020): Some people on the internet have been VERY RUDE about this movie and I’m sorry they don’t appreciate a true chaotic holiday gem when they see it. This movie involves two Vanessa Hudgenses, Scheduled Vanessa and Spontaneous Vanessa, who are distant cousins and not twins, switching places to try to facilitate Spontaneous Vanessa getting back together with her ex the baker, but Scheduled Vanessa is intercepted by a third cousin Vanessa, Horny Vanessa, who wants to take Spontaneous Vanessa’s place as queen. I don’t want to spoil anything that happens in this movie so that you can experience the batshittery for yourself, but I found every second absolutely delightful. It also has two very good romantic couples who are cute and who genuinely seem to like each other, which is not something I can say for every movie on this list!

Dashing in December (2020): This movie has gay cowboys, is set on a ranch, and features a squaredancing scene, so if that isn’t your bag, you are probably not going to like it very much. I found it deeply charming and the only reason it isn’t #1 is that three quarters of the way through, the lead suddenly turns back into a giant jerk for no real reason and that was very upsetting. But it all works out in the end. The main romance is very cute, there are horses, the horsemanship doesn’t totally suck ass, and there are some fun side characters. It’s not reinventing the wheel, but it’s pleasant.

The Princess Switch (2018): Again, some people are mean about this movie and they shouldn’t be because it is CUTE GODDAMMIT. It is absolutely The Prince and the Pauper but with two Vanessa Hudgenses, but also, it shows the aforementioned two good romantic couples falling in love and they are delightful. I am not saying this is a great masterpiece of romance, but the filmmakers actually tried to give these characters reasons to like each other, which, again, is not true for some of the movies on this list.\

Jingle Jangle (2020): I kind of feel bad putting this movie on the same list as TV movies that were obviously just shit out by Hallmark or whoever, because this clearly had a lot of love and heart put into it, and it really shows. I was so immediately charmed by this movie that I didn’t even mind when it immediately went in very silly directions. I don’t know if the plot makes sense at all (a cute robot shows up for seemingly no reason other than that cute robots are fun!) but it doesn’t have to, because everyone is having so much fun and there’s so much joy in this movie that I was just happy to be along for the ride. Also, I would love to see an entire movie in the stop-motion style from the opening scene.

Happiest Season (2020): I absolutely understand why some people didn’t like this movie, and I don’t want anyone to feel like they can’t dislike it, and also, it’s MY movie, and I love it, and I’m not interested in fighting about it. It helped me come out to my parents and also featured two of my faves kissing and that’s all I need.

Noelle (2019): I was previously under the impression this movie was bad, and I don’t know why, because it’s a little embarrassing and cheesy at times, but it’s sweet. I suspect what will make or break it for you is if you like Anna Kendrick, and because I like Anna Kendrick, I like watching her play a neurotic Claus sibling trying desperately to fix the problem she accidentally caused. One weird thing though: this movie tried to convince me about halfway through that she was both spoiled and selfish, and I don’t actually think that’s true at all. I think she was a little naive and sheltered and wanted people to like her way too much, but she’s not really shown to be a selfish person - she’s constantly paying attention to other people in the real world and her brother is the one who refused to admit that he wasn’t cut out for the Santa gig and instead fucked off to “find himself” or whatever. It was weird! But anyway, I liked this movie a lot.

I’ll Be Home For Christmas (1998): So this movie...one Christmas Eve when I was in high school, I was having trouble falling asleep for whatever reason so I went downstairs to get some water. My mom happened to have the TV on and this movie was just starting, and she invited me to join her. Fun fact: this movie went to theaters and it stars Jonathan Taylor-Thomas and Jessica Biel. It is one of the dumbest movies I’ve ever seen in my life and at no point does anyone in it actually behave like a human being. It’s about a smooth-talking jackass who has to be bribed to come home for Christmas and then, after one of his dumbass moneymaking schemes lands him in hot water, he gets abandoned in the middle of the California desert wearing a Santa suit and glued-on beard. He then has to beg, lie, and cheat his way home for Christmas dinner so that his dad will give him a vintage Porsche they fixed up together. I have no defense for this character; he is insufferable and only becomes marginally less so by the end of the film. But also, I have to watch this movie every year (usually with my mom, although not this year for obvious reasons) or it doesn’t feel like Christmas.

A Cinderella Story: Christmas Wish (2019): We own this on DVD and have seen it three times. In our defense, we wanted to support Gregg Sulkin from Runaways and Isabella Gomez from One Day at a Time, both of whom feature prominently in this movie, and also sing songs. This is just Cinderella But At Christmas, and if that doesn’t sound like fun to you, I don’t think anything I can say will change your mind. I will say that the songs are amusingly autotuned, there’s a disabled dog that’s very cute, and I personally think that the leads have slightly better chemistry than some of the pairs on this list. But it is literally just another Cinderella Story movie.

The Knight Before Christmas (2019): This movie is Thor (2011) But At Christmas, and it would have been slightly higher except I always forget about the plot where at the end the knight becomes a cop. Bad, obviously! But anyway, the plot of this movie is: nice but clueless dude crash-lands on Earth for Reasons and bumbles around trying to figure out what’s up, while falling in love with a nice lady. That’s just Thor and you know I’m right. And for as dumb as this movie is, at least it’s ambitious. I have learned that Christmas movies can do one of two things to please me: a) have actors that have decent chemistry and charm and are fully committed to whatever nonsense is going on, or b) have absolutely batshit chaotic plots. This movie is like a 4 out of 5 on the chaos scale and I like it a lot, besides the copaganda. I hope this also gets made into a trilogy and Cole isn’t a cop anymore.

A Christmas Prince 3: The Royal Baby (2019): I will get into my problems with the first two Christmas Prince movies later, but my main criticism is that they are kind of boring and not chaotic enough. This one decided to make up for that by incorporating a missing ancient treaty, a curse, and a ghost, as well as a subplot about Girl Power (I use this semi-ironically) and a subplot about cousin Simon potentially committing treason again. I was so excited that things were happening in this movie the first time I watched it that I may be a little biased, but oh well. Oh, I was also absolutely terrified it was going to be racist and it is...mostly not? There are a few questionable moments but like mostly it’s fine.

Christmas With the Prince (2018): I wanted to watch this because the summary on Netflix did not match the summary on Google at all, and that’s because, uh, they’re both sort of right? Ostensibly this movie is about a pediatric oncologist who comes back into contact with an old almost-flame, who just happens to be the prince of a tiny European country, because he fucked up his leg and needs somewhere private to stay. And apparently a pediatric oncology ward is the best place for that? But then after they fall in love this random Russian lady shows up and is like “that’s my fiance.” This happens maybe twenty minutes from the end. Anyway, this movie isn’t great but I liked the lead guy way more than I thought I would and it has some cute kids in it.

A New York Christmas Wedding (2020): I...am at a loss for words to describe this...motion picture. On the surface it is a cute idea: a young Black woman, Jennifer, is getting married to her boyfriend on Christmas Eve, but she’s given a chance by her guardian angel (stay with me) to go back in time and redo her life, after losing touch with her childhood best friend, Gabrielle, who she was always in love with but never confessed her feelings to. She wakes up in an alternate timeline, where she and Gabrielle have been together for years and her beloved father is still alive. Then the movie, uh...veers off into some very odd places! They go to their Catholic priest and ask him to marry them, and he is like “but the Bible” and they are like “but that’s bullshit” and he’s like “shrug” and then later during a sermon he’s like “actually that IS bullshit, everyone gay in this church come stand up here with me. We love you. Also we’re going to perform a wedding now” and then he marries Jennifer and Gabrielle. And then Jennifer’s angel shows up and is like “you have to choose between this life and your old life now” and then uh...I really hate to spoil this next thing. It is the weirdest choice I’ve ever seen a movie make and if you’re even the slightest bit interested in this movie, I think you should experience this plot point for yourself. I’m going to put the batshit spoiler in ROT13 in case you want to avoid spoiling yourself. (GJ: fhvpvqr) Wraavsre'f thneqvna natry erirnyf gung ur vf gur fba bs Tnoevryyr, jub va gur bevtvany gvzryvar tbg certanag nf n grra naq ure snzvyl frag ure gb n ahaarel. Fur zvfpneevrq naq fhofrdhragyl qvrq ol fhvpvqr. Uvf anzr vf Nmenry Tnovfba. Anyway, uh, this movie isn’t very good, unfortunately, the adult leads have no chemistry and Gabrielle’s adult self is actively unlikable (the teen versions of them are cute!), but I think it’s 1000% worth a watch for the sheer chaos of it all. I...recommend it for that, I guess? Oh, also there’s a sex scene that plays a slow sexy version of “O Christmas Tree” in the background and I felt like I was losing my mind.

A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding (2018): As I said in my commentary on the third movie in this series, the worst sin this movie commits is being kind of boring. It also manages to make the romantic hero, Richard, even worse than in the first movie, where he was just kind of useless and petulant, because in this movie he is actively failing to do anything to revive the failing economy of his country. I have seen people complain that the prince in The Princess Switch and Cole in The Knight Before Christmas have no personalities; they are delightful compared to the wet paper bag of a man in this movie. Rose McIver is adorable and I don’t think any of this is her fault, she’s doing her best in these movies, but woof.

12 Pups of Christmas (2019): The Google summary of this movie, which we found on Hulu, is this: “Struggling to keep his dog GPS locator company afloat, Martin expects his new hire, Erin, to help him save the company and find homes for 12 puppies that were left behind after a photo shoot. As they work together, Erin and Martin begin to discover each other's positive qualities and find love just in time for the holidays.” My wife and I love dogs, so we put this on, expecting cute dogs. This movie contains approximately 80% chaos and 20% cute dogs. It opens with our heroine, a canine therapist, coming home from work to have dinner with her fiance and best friend. We find out that Erin and fiance are moving to California soon for her new job (they live in New York). Fast forward a few days to their courthouse wedding, at which point her fiance and best friend confess to having an affair, and she is dumped. Heartbroken, she moves to California alone, and ends up moving into the company-provided house. It is just a two-story house (??) that the CEO’s sister owns (???) and rents out to employees (????). Also Erin is, as the Google summary says, expected to come up with some grand idea to save the company. And there are 12 random puppies also. They are cute puppies. Oh, also Martin, the CEO of the dog collar company, hates dogs for some reason. Martin’s sister is aggressively friendly towards Erin in a way that I interpreted as sapphic. At one point, after they find a home for dog #3, Erin’s former BFF shows up on her doorstep (?????) begging to be let in. She insists that the fiance was also two-timing her, and she has proof that he had FIVE OTHER GIRLFRIENDS ALL AROUND THE COUNTRY - “that’s why he’s a traveling businessman”!!!! Erin never asks to see her proof, but I guess she believes her, because she lets her inside and then makes her take care of the remaining eight dogs out of spite. I guess they make up at some point. Anyway, somewhere in here Erin and Martin are starting to fall in love and also come up with a way to rebrand the business, so hooray for them. We also learn that the reason Martin hates dogs is that his beloved childhood dog, uh, ran away? Disappeared? Got eaten? He insists that “not knowing [what happened to him] was the worst part,” but I was out here expecting to see the child finding an actual dead dog like it’s John Wick or something so this was a little anticlimactic. They go on a business trip to New York talk with Important Japanese Investors, during which they fuck (it is? romantic? allegedly?), and then the morning of their meeting Erin’s shitty ex shows up in the hotel lobby to bother her. Martin decks him square in the face for not leaving her alone, and then someone calls the cops, because I guess this movie said ACAB, and both dudes get arrested and Erin has to do the presentation alone. And then in the last five minutes Martin gets out of jail and Erin says that she gave the presentation to the investors...in English, and their translator was twenty minutes late, and so the investors understood none of what she said. Thankfully we are spared actually seeing this “joke,” but they do play racist music over her explanation. Then Martin reconnects with his rich dad who bails out the company instead, and also he adopts the four remaining dogs. This movie was fucking bananas and very bad and I need more people to understand exactly how bad. Watch this movie.

A Nutcracker Christmas (2016): Amy Acker has two Christmas movies and this one seemed more palatable than Dear Santa, so here we are. I like to watch Amy Acker be cute and dance, and she has an adorable teenage niece in this movie that she’s helped raise. In this movie she’s a former ballet dancer whose sister (hilariously, one of the Wynonna Earp lesbians) died in a tragic car accident, and she never got to dance the part of the Sugarplum Fairy. Spoiler alert: she gets to by the end of the movie. Unfortunately the love interest is basically Satan incarnate and does not deserve her at all, so unless you like yelling at romantic leads I can’t really recommend it.

Godmothered (2020): This movie is just, uh, Enchanted but worse, and also it should have been sapphic and it isn’t? Poor Jillian Bell is doing her best and is adorable, but it’s not enough to save this movie for me. If Disney were not cowards she would have fallen in love with single mom Isla Fisher. Oh, it also ends with the very white younger daughter doing a public cover of “Rise Up” by Andra Day that the audience joins in on, which, considering its use in the BLM movement the last couple years, felt, uh, not great to me.

A Christmas Prince (2017): It’s maybe not far to compare this to the rest of the Netflix Christmas Cinematic Universe, because it was the originator. But also, it’s pretty boring. Sorry. Simon, or Fiddles (Fake Hiddles/Tom Hiddleston) is the best character.

Married by Christmas (2016): Apparently an alternate title for this is The Engagement Clause, which is sort of funny. Anyway, this has Jes Macallan and we, being big fans of Legends of Tomorrow, lost our shit when we found this on Christmas Day and had to watch it. The plot is that Jes’ character runs the family business, but their shitty grandma died and left a clause in her will where the business goes to the husband of whichever granddaughter gets married first. You would think that Jes’ sister and her fiance would postpone their Christmas Eve wedding to give Jes time to set up some kind of platonic wedding for business purposes, since Jes’ entire life is this stupid business, but nope, they immediately turn into monsters who are determined to get their hands on the business for ???? reasons???? It’s not very good, as you can tell by how low it is on the list. Jes Macallan is not a convincing straight businesswoman. I wouldn’t even really enjoy this movie as an Avalance AU.

A Princess for Christmas (2011): Here we are, the worst one Christmas movie I watched this year. I don’t actively harbor any ill will towards Katie McGrath, although I confess to feeling a bit “her?” but it’s fine. I was hoping this movie would enlighten me to her appeal. Instead, this movie actively got on my nerves in multiple ways, including trying to pass Katie McGrath off as a normal American retail worker instead of an Irish vampire/sorceress/supervillain/fairy/whatever she is. Her accent is shockingly awful, which I’m not sure is actually her fault, is there a reason her family wasn’t just British? That wouldn’t have saved the movie but it would have made it just slightly more palatable. At every turn it makes the worst choices, including a scene where Katie’s character puts on a rap song and she and the prince dance to it in an attempt to show them “loosening up,” and then the mean grandfather comes in and demands that they “turn this ghetto music off.” YIKES. I know these movies are the whitest movies ever by design but was that racism necessary? The only Black people I actually saw in this movie were some of the servants, I think? Speaking of the servants, at the end of the movie there’s a grand ball and Katie’s dress gets fucked up, and she’s about to leave the country, and then the servants are like “don’t go! We pooled our money to buy you another nice dress!” which, also yikes! This movie has a real classism problem. It also was so boring I zoned out of it multiple times, and I have sat through Manos: The Hands of Fate and Birdemic multiple times. This movie has no chaos whatsoever and I hated all the characters. 0/10 do not recommend under any circumstances.

#christmas #sometimes I write things

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sparkles-rainbows-severed-heads · 4 years

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Nazi-Hating, Bisexual King, and German actor, Conrad Veidt (1893-1943) whose performances inspired the creation of Edward Scissorhands, Jafar from Aladdin, and The Joker, was a gem in real life. Be like Connie. Do it for him.

Here’s some information on how great he was:

https://aikainkauna.tumblr.com/post/41163268378/ten-reasons-why-you-should-love-conrad-veidt

“In honour of Conrad Veidt’s 120th birthday, let us present you with a list of reasons why you should love him. Because, let’s face it, he kicked more arse than you ever will. While wearing your great-grandmother’s dress.

1. He was an awesome actor who could hypnotise the screen in both the silents and the sounds. He could do amazing things with his body language, his eyes and his voice and move like an actual cat. Oh, and he was Method before it became popular. To the point where his friends and colleagues would get worried because his entire body language and way of speaking would change. He genuinely believed he was possessed by some greater spirit when he was acting. And it shows. 2. He was an amazing human being—everybody loved working with him because he was incredibly polite and jovial and charming, but he was even more amazing off the screen. Let us tell you why.

3. This guy starred in the first gay rights movie ever and played the first explicitly-referred-to-as-gay character on screen, and the first sympathetic gay character on screen. In a movie that said it was okay to be gay and that some people were just born that way. In 1919. The makers of the film and Connie himself were flooded with death threats from the far right. They would arrange riots in theatres and release gas and rabid rodents into the aisles. But the makers of the film stood their ground. Later, the Nazis tried to burn all copies of the film but over half of it still survives and a reconstruction can be seen here.

4. Oh yeah, and this guy also starred in an early pro-choice film, had a high opinion on women (with some progressive views for his time, when the right to vote and to wear trousers were still seen as new and scandalous things) and was a fierce campaigner for human rights and a vehement anti-Nazi for his entire life. Speaking of which…

5. In the Thirties, he starred in two British movies sympathetic to the plight of the Jews. While still a German citizen. Hitler sent him personal hate mail, Goebbels tried to persuade him into doing propaganda films for the Nazis instead and he told them to go stuff themselves. This was after some of his Jewish and gay friends had already been killed by the Nazis, too, so he knew exactly the sort of danger he was in. Oh, and they imprisoned him and tortured him with sleep deprivation and put him on the Gestapo hitlist. Guess what? He didn’t budge. He never raised his hand in the Heil Hitler salute, once. And when, finally, the British authorities helped him escape to England, he never went back to Germany again. Also? Despite being Protestant, he identified himself as Jewish on official forms as a form of protest. In. Nazi. Germany. I’m sorry, but Conrad Veidt’s balls»»»>yours.

6. He spent a huge amount of money supporting the British war effort and personally smuggled people out of the hands of the Nazis. Including driving his third wife’s Jewish parents out to Switzerland in his car under the cover of night after much bribery and passport shenanigans. In the Forties, he participated in a fund helping fellow Europeans escape Nazis and settle in the UK and the US. One of the people he helped was his Casablanca co-star, Paul Henreid. By the time Henreid had reached the UK, the war was in full swing and he was treated as an enemy alien. Connie (who had managed to acquire British citizenship just before war broke out) personally rang the British authorities and vouched for him until Henreid could finally cross the Atlantic to safety (with some monetary assistance from Connie himself). So, kids, when you watch Major Strasser menacing Laszlo in Casablanca, remember this guy actually helped him escape the Nazis in real life.

7. While living in London in the late Thirties, he and his wife would regularly shelter war children at their house. When the air raid sirens came on, he’d rather run back home to be with the kids rather than stay safe at the studio’s bomb shelter. No, really. And even when he’d left for Hollywood in the 40s, he would do stuff like this for the poor kids of London huddled in bomb shelters. You might need tissues.

8. He was made of actual sex on and off the screen. He possessed an amazing, androgynous sexual aura that would take no prisoners. He could be feminine without being effeminate, seductive and possessing and powerful without being gruff or macho, incredibly catlike and soft without being weak. Despite being skinny as hell and 6’3” tall, he was as graceful as a dancer, gliding around so smoothly it was uncanny, slightly unnatural (when Disney were making Aladdin, they deliberately based the cartoon Jafar on his performance in The Thief of Bagdad and told the animators to make him glide like Connie did. Yeah, that’s right, Disney villains were based on him. No wonder. No, really, look at that). From the Thirties onwards, he was repeatedly described as pantherlike. He had a sensuous, cruel mouth (always a little more red and open and wet than it should have been in order to be decent), large, pale blue piercing eyes (oh yeah, he was well-read in hypnotism and occultism, so he is actually hypnotising and possessing you for real), finely manicured fingernails (sometimes filed into sharp points) and a voice to melt knickers off anyone within a five-mile radius. When he smoked, it looked like he was giving oral sex to a woman and a man at the same time. Watch A Woman’s Face, The Thief of Bagdad and Dark Journey for good examples of this amazing man’s slinking, slithering, purring charm.

9. Oh yeah, speaking of the off-screen sex… Merle Oberon said “he would have sex with a butterfly”, Anita Loos quipped “the prettiest girl on the [Berlin] street was Conrad Veidt” and he was a major gay icon in 1920s Germany thanks to the aforementioned gay rights movie and his androgynous looks and style. Let us remember this guy spent his youth in Weimar Berlin and its cabarets, a modern Babylon where “anything goes” was an understatement. Drugs, wild parties and sexual diversions of every sort imaginable were the done thing in those days. You were considered unfashionable if you didn’t dress in drag and experiment with bisexuality. In that, he was hardly different from his peers (like, for example, his good friend Marlene Dietrich). But then again… there were people who experimented and there were people for whom it was all a phase, but according to numerous sources, he was a natural, voracious bisexual and so in love with everything feminine he genuinely loved to dress as a lady. And apparently he would fall in love all the time, so the Twenties were… busy years for him, especially when his second marriage had started to fall apart. Just don’t ask what he did to Olivier. And according to a couple of sources, Gary Cooper. Oh, and his first wife left him after she found him wearing her dress (her loss). Most of the time, his friends would describe him as a ladies’ man during the day, and going after the men as well after he’d had a few drinks in the evening. He seems to have calmed down a lot in the Thirties after he found genuine happiness with his third wife and escaped the Nazis to the UK, but apparently he was still an incorrigible flirt with both sexes until the end of his life. If you think he looks seductive and deliciously perverse on screen, that’s all real and then some. So, yep, this was a guy who was a genuine saint and an amazing human being and a naughty, naughty man at the same time. How often do you hear of both sides coexisting in the same person?

10. He was, basically, the last lingering sigh of Romanticism as a genuine cultural movement. On screen, he played the Gothic, Byronic hero to the hilt (The Student of Prague being one of the greatest examples of the type). In the silents, he played degenerate dandies, tortured painters and pianists and violinists, cruel yet seductive tyrants, men haunted by their doppelgängers, possessed creatures wanting to crawl out of their own bodies, sleepwalking and twitching and writhing on the screen, turning everything into a dark, exquisite ballet. In the sound films, he turned that demonic energy outwards and would pin people down with his gaze as he cursed them, would undress women with a flick of his pitch-black lashes, would curl his long fingers around their arms in a sadomasochistic, erotic stranglehold. He never completely lost his accent, but he compensated for it with pitch-perfect softness and tone, speaking very slowly and quietly when everybody else would speak loud and fast. His voice in The Thief of Bagdad was compared to poisoned honey. The MGM bosses were surprised at the mountains of fanmail he received from women in the Forties, even if they had never given him a starring role, only supporting, villainous ones. And the ladies wanted this villain, oh yes. A woman moviegoer (presumably after seeing his performance in A Woman’s Face) described him thus: “Conrad Veidt has wicked eyes, a sinister mouth, strange hands and a half-man/half- woman quality about him. His walk is frightening. There is something not quite normal about him. And yet, he was totally fascinating, charming and appealing to me at the same time!”

So, there you have it. There are many more reasons to love him, but it would take forever to try and list all of them. I suggest you watch his movies and read up on him yourself, because he deserves to live forever.”

#conrad veidt #do it for him #do it for her #the cabinet of doctor caligari #the cabinet of dr. caligari #the man who laughs #gwynplaine #casablanca #the hands of orlac

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missytearex · 6 years

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To Read List - Ziall

This list is purely for myself to keep track of everything I still want to read. Its gonna change as I actually read though them and find more stuff to add.

Find fics I’ve already read here.

Ziall

playing from the same hand by brokendrums

Niall and Zayn grow closer on the European leg of the Where We Are Tour.

Zayn hums again, low from the base of his chest and Niall’s hand skims down Zayn’s arm six more times, Niall counts them slowly to match his rhythm, before it feels a bit more natural.

"Don’t think Perrie’ll make Paris,” Zayn finally says. And that’s that.

It’s Undoubtedly Love by sunshinexbomb

“So, Zayn Malik likes me,” Niall repeats, strumming subconsciously at the guitar that’s still in his hand. “Does he really like me, like me, like me? Do you think he does?” he sings to the same tune as before.

Liam and Louis both shrug. “Dunno, but that’s what he said. What are you going to do?” Liam asks.

“Nothing,” Niall replies, strumming out a few more chords.

“Nothing?!” Louis exclaims. “You’ve gotta do something. Zayn Malik just said he thinks you’re cute and you’re gonna do nothing?”

Niall’s the one to shrug this time. He takes off the snapback on his head, ruffles his hair a bit before saying, “Don’t think there’s really much I can do is there? Just gonna record my video now. Go on with life.”

In which Niall sings songs on YouTube, Zayn is an international pop-star, Harry tells stories, Louis does makeup, and Liam likes to take pictures.

Crawl Into Your Atmosphere by spibsy (lucy_and_ramona)

Niall doesn't see it coming. Zayn's on the football team. Niall's in marching band. This isn't supposed to happen, except... then it does.

Bombshell Blond (Wired Up To Detonate) by slashter

“Correct me if I’m wrong,” Zayn starts, leaning forward and resting his chin on his hands. “But you look a little...nervous?” Niall scoffs but Zayn can see the worry underneath the surface. “Consider yourself corrected.” Zayn just raises an eyebrow at that, and eventually Niall groans, rubbing at his face. “Fuck. Okay, look, I’m not good at this whole--” he waves his hands around, “--wooing thing. I’m not someone who goes on dates and, like, does all that. I’ve never had the time to do that, even.” “You’ve never been in a relationship?” Zayn asks, a bit surprised. Niall blushes. “Never really cared about stuff like that, until I met you.”

[Or the one where Zayn's a spy, Niall's his target, and the whole world's their playground]

see the sparks filled with hope (you are not alone) by niallszayn

„Hello,” Niall mumbled, hot flush already crawling up his neck again. „I should…I won’t keep you from your work.” Zayn sighed a little and rubbed at his forehead, leaving a small smudge of dirt behind. Niall’s fingers twitched with how much he wanted to reach out and wipe it away. Ireland, 1923. When Niall returns from war, he’s not the same young man he was before. Back home at his parent’s mansion, it takes an old friend and young gardener to get him to open up. But what is Zayn to Niall? What can he be?

The One With The On-Screen Boyfriend by brokenstereotype

Zayn Malik plays the star role of Zander Phelps on the hit television drama show, Bradford Heights. When newcomer, Niall Horan is cast to be Zander's new love interest, things take an interesting turn for Zayn. It might not be the worst thing to happen.

An on-screen boyfriends AU that contains as much drama as there is sweet gay loving. Featuring in-love-but-nonhalant-about-our-feelings Liam/Louis and Harry as the chef roommate that is Zayn's biggest fan.

Out of Space, Out of Time by flares

Zayn: Hey, I’m Zayn. I’m here for our date.

For a few seconds, he just stares at the screen, tapping his fingers lightly against the table. Harry’s voice—“You’re fine, Zayn. You’re doing fine.” — barely registers in his head. The text ‘Niall is typing…’ pops up and Zayn wishes that he’d been more adamant about the alcohol. Wine is sounding really good right about now.

AU in which Zayn is new in town, Niall might not be where Zayn thinks he is, and Harry sets them up on a blind Skype date.

headlights, strobe lights (& we can take the long way) by restitched (beingothrwrldly)

Zayn and Niall go on an American road trip after Zayn graduates from uni.

Warnings for cursing, Niall making fun of Zayn, Zayn making fun of Niall, lots of selfies, lots of kissing, Zayn singing karaoke, Niall with too many feelings, and all of the donuts and waffles on the east coast.

lighthouse by justaboat

au. niall's been waiting for zayn his whole life. when he finally comes it might be too late.

i wanna hurry home to you by roofpizza

zayn is an actor; niall is a cameraman. hollywood sucks, but at least they've got each other

come take my pulse by nicheinhischest

"Everything’s always better when the sun comes up," Niall says, idly drawing a Z on Zayn’s elbow. Or an N. It’s hard to tell. “Sorta funny, when you think about it - whole world’s fucking dead, but the sun still rises and sets like nothing’s changed. The predictability is nice.”

Zayn sighs and tells him tiredly, “Y'know, you say eerily cheerful things for someone who bashed a zombie’s face in with a golf club today."

rhythm & blues by JaneKerkovich

Zayn thinks being a college freshman with an English major and a boyfriend in a frat is enough for him -- until he loses a bet, loses The X-Factor and loses Niall.

bruised giver, grit spinner by hungerpunch

"Niall's never seen romantic love in the real world. His parents were never married, but even the marriages he’s seen haven’t looked happy. He's seen love in the movies, sure, but the movies aren't about Dogtown. The romantic comedies aren't about poor kids with fucked up parents. They aren't about a skinny skater boy and his best friend. But maybe, he thinks, they should be."

A Z-Boys AU.

Experience Points by el_em_en_oh_pee

The good news is that Simon has decided to let Zayn start officially developing the game she and Liam have spent years talking about creating. The bad news is that, because Liam is bedridden after a debilitating accident, Simon puts the new girl, Niall, on the project with Zayn instead. The worse news is that Niall is just Zayn's type.

Some Nights I'm Scared You'll Forget Me Again by pukeandcry

Zayn stifles a groan. He’s not terribly surprised -- Harry’d been mooning over Louis since the day they met three years ago when Zayn had moved into the house next to him -- but he’d been hoping that Harry would eventually get over it and redirect his attention to someone else. This development does not bode well for that turn of events, though. (High School AU)

Not All Stories Have a Happy Ending by KelliDiane

Andy Samuels has been traded. His replacement, Niall Horan, doesn’t really impress the team captain, Zayn Malik.

10 things i ____ about you by robpatFF

“Did the doctors tell you anything already?”

Niall shrugs a little. The movement catches the collar of the too-big t-shirt he has on, one of Liam’s he must have stashed away in his bag. There’s a bruise on his shoulder, probably from the impact, hitting something hard, unmoving and solid. “Far as I know I’m thinking about trying out for X-Factor next month. They said that already happened.” He bites his lip, and his gaze flicks over at Zayn for a moment. “Did I win?”

Amnesia fic.

something about the boy by countthestars

About three things Niall is absolutely positive. First, Zayn is the most attractive person he’s ever seen in real life. Second, the chances he’s actually a vampire are, like, slim to none. Probably. And third, he’s going to kill Harry for putting that idea in his head in the first place.

if i was your boyfriend by countthestars

Zayn's an up-and-coming R&B musician. Niall's a uni student. It's complicated.

burning bright by countthestars

Sometimes people aren't what they seem.

what's a ghost to a nonbeliever by countthestars

Liam shoots Zayn a nervous look. “Zayn’s not,” he starts, clearing his throat. “Zayn doesn’t really believe in ghosts. He’s a, whatchamacallit, a--”

“A skeptic,” Harry says, green eyes gleaming. “How… intriguing."

when the moon hits your eye by countthestars

Niall delivers pizzas and Zayn's a little bit in love.

brighter than sunshine by countthestars

Zayn’s come to trust Niall, and Harry by extension, more than he does most people. Niall had seen through the chinks in Zayn’s armor and had gotten under his skin with impressive quickness. There are still parts of Zayn’s life, though, that he doesn’t know how to share.

Zayn’s learned to trust Niall with himself, he thinks, but he doesn’t know if he can trust him with the most important thing to him.

or; the one where Niall and Harry work in a bakery and Louis and Zayn are struggling to figure it all out.

all the stars align by countthestars

“Your mark,” the boy says. Niall glances down at the name scrawled across the inside of his bicep, his chest suddenly tight. “Yeah,” he murmurs. “'S kinda unusual, right? Never met a Zayn.” “I'm Zayn,” the boy tells him, sounding a bit strained.

Spin For You by sunshinexbomb

“You and Zayn will be going home together tonight if it’s the last thing Payno and I ever do. This pining has gone on too long.”

Niall rolls his eyes, muttering, “I’m not pining.”

“Totally are, mate,” Liam says sympathetically, cuddling into Niall’s side. “But it’s okay. Zayn totally is too. He’s just too,” Liam pauses, making some vague hand gestures, “y’know, to admit it.”

Or in which Niall has a big, huge obvious crush on Zayn and just won't admit it.

Where Everybody Knows Your Name by StormDancer

“Well boys,” he says, scratching at Harley’s head. Rhino barks at that, and Zayn obliges him by petting him too. Apparently, that means that he’s showing too much attention to the dogs, and Tigger appears from wherever she’d been hiding, taking her rightful place in his lap. “And girl,” Zayn adds, politely. “Guess we’re back.”

The Ground Whereon He Walks by StormDancer

“You could come home with me.”

“Yeah?” Zayn turns, waggles his eyebrows and leers. “You offering yourself as a rebound?”

“Hah,” Niall snorts, and glances down at the ground. “No, like. I’m going home to spend the summer, you could tag along, if you wanted.”

Zayn blinks. “To Ireland?”

like a cigarette in the mouth or a handshake in the doorway by zouee

i've been down across the road or two, but now i've found the velvet sun that shines on me and you // Zayn and Niall start living together

Come Get Back in Bed, We've Still Got Time Left by YinAndYangOnIce

based off of this really fucking cute video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFYlRd85xsQ

Does It Ever Drive You Crazy? by YinAndYangOnIce

like I said based off of Karakura's work about after the Night Changes video, Niall goes to a convenience store to nurse his wounds after a date gone horribly, horribly wrong where he runs into Zayn, who's had a similarly awful night and they find a way to cheer each other up

The Tale Of Lucky and Bright Eyes by YinAndYangOnIce

Zayn is the editor-in-chief of his university's literary magazine who is dragged to a party by his best mates and meets Niall, a carefree, frat boy with whom he is instantly enamored. Soon after that party, someone starts writing anonymous love poems to him and sends them to the magazine.

I Major in Loving You by YinAndYangOnIce

“You told him what?” Liam crowed, staring at him with wide, judgmental eyes while Louis howled with laughter next to him.  “I had no choice!” Niall said, dropping his head into his hands miserably.

“Actually, you did,” Liam said incredulously. “You could’ve told him that you weren’t actually part of the art program!”

“But he was putting words in my mouth and I didn’t want to tell him I’d stalked him there and he was really, really hot, Li, I didn’t want to freak him out,” Niall said pleadingly, as if he was appealing in court and Liam was a law student, so he wasn’t that far off.

Or:

Niall is an idiot in love and is just really bad at this romance thing.

How Can You Swallow So Much Sleep by brokendrums

Tour ends and Niall has insomnia. Zayn vows to cure it.

i set my clocks early 'cause i know i'm always late by theamazingpeterparker

Contrary to popular belief, signing up to be a TA in the US History to 1865 freshman course might be the best decision Niall's ever made.

Or, the one where Zayn reads a lot of books, and Harry reassures Niall that there's nothing wrong with wanting to sleep with your professor.

who let the dogs out by theamazingpeterparker

Zayn wants a puppy and Niall's a huge pushover.

skinny love, just last the year. by theamazingpeterparker

Zayn doesn't like Valentine's Day. Niall gives flowers to random people on the street.

you and me plus baby makes three by alnima

After the death of their friends, Zayn and Niall are forced to raise a baby together. Not like they have a problem with that, just a problem with each other.

follow the sun by carissima

Zayn needs a date to his cousin's wedding. Niall's ready, willing and available to be his plus one.

Or the one where Zayn and Niall are pretend boyfriends and it goes exactly how you think it goes.

perspective by words_unravel

per·spec·tive pərˈspektiv/

noun

1. the art of drawing solid objects on a two-dimensional surface so as to give the right impression of their height, width, depth, and position in relation to each other when viewed from a particular point. 2. a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.

or, a look at four ways Niall and Zayn are Niall and Zayn.

this is how it starts, lightening strikes the heart. by justaboat

zayn doesn't want to date niall (except that he kinda does), niall has a secret, louis is a little shit, and harry and liam are the roommates that give (mostly) bad advice.

You've Got This Spell On Me by VeronikaLP

The one where Niall is a cheery Hufflepuff on said house's Quidditch team and Zayn cheers for him even when he's a Ravenclaw. Featuring disgustingly-in-love Larry, and a pinch of Sophiam.

on the brink of by autopsyofwebs

Niall tries not to think about it. Knowing something and doing something about it are two different things. If anything, he thinks he should feel relief. He’s one of the lucky ones. A lot of people never meet one of their soul mates, much less get to speak to them or see them every day. It doesn’t have to mean anything, he tells himself, and still loses his breath every time he catches Zayn on the stairwell, the crease of his smile, the way he laughs like he’s glad to see him.

les mystères de l'horizon by hungerpunch

"Preferably heist!fic, but anything with ziall as partners in crime (con artists, hackers, assassins, etc.) in an ot5 team. I'd like for one of them to be new to the team and for Zayn and Niall to start off on the wrong foot."

we put the world away (we get so disconnected) by horlik_aholic

Greek Mythology AU where Niall's sad, Zayn's immortal, and Liam and Louis are doing what they can.

Featuring wrathed gods and ancient curses and dazzled Niall.

take a chance on me (you won't regret it) by liferuining_feels

“And what about you? What do you want?”

Niall can’t find his voice but he wants to say you. I want you.

Or the one where Niall tries to help his friends figure out what makes them happy. For Niall? He just wants Zayn.

The Picture of Zayn and Niall by mightierthanthecanon

Based on the prompt: English Lit professor Zayn is a bit confused as to why he's so fascinated with one of his students, Niall Horan.

After All This Time by justyrae

Niall had expectations about his years at Hogwarts, but none of them prepared him for meeting Zayn.

I Wanna Show You Where I Sleep, Keep You There A Couple Weeks by KayleeJohn

Zayn wants to complain that Louis said he’d have the bed until at least morning, but it comes out more of a strangled groan than anything else, “Ngh,” punctuated by a click in Zayn’s throat.

Or the one where Zayn accidentally ends up cuddling with Niall, but he kind of doesn't mind it.

maybe we found love right where we are by niallszayn

Zayn Malik is one of the hottest magazine editors in the industry but he's overworked, so his business partners suggest he get an assistant. Enter Niall Horan, who is quirky and fun and can't write an article to save his life, but he can make a mean frappuccino (and on one rare occasion, give an orgasmic back rub after a long stressful night) so Zayn keeps him around, but definitely not for his face, absolutely not, nope.

Where Do We Begin? by shipsdrifting

Clearly, if he's to follow Niall's lead, the protocol here is for both of them to pretend that they've never met, that they have no recollection of the events that unfolded between them that night.

Zayn takes a breath and sits up straighter. He can do this. Zayn can absolutely try to forget that night ever happened.

Or, Uni AU where Zayn and Niall start working next to each other - and they both kinda pretend that they've completely forgotten about that drunken but mind-blowing one-night-stand they had a month ago.

Who Needs Dubai? by Idzzdi

“Never thought I'd see you on this side of the counter,” Zayn says lowly, looking amused and more awake then Niall has ever seen him in his life before. Also, more attractive. He looks so effortlessly cool it is just not fair and Niall's mouth has become so dry, all he can do is stare.

or Niall has this thing for his coffee shop regular Zayn and they run into each other one night at the airport. Zayn shows him how to properly annoy the airport security.

the awful edges where you end and i begin by nicheinhischest

“I could’ve killed you a dozen times,” Zayn tells him, and he means for it to sound like an apology, maybe. Proof of a conscience, even after everything. Even after this. “A hundred.”

Niall mockingly clicks his tongue in disapproval. “And I’m supposed to thank you for saving it all for a melodramatic stairwell scene?”

You're the cure, you're the pain by ifzi0531

"I hate to break this to you, but I don't think a baby uses rabbit shampoo for bathing." Zayn teased.

Niall pouted, crossing his arms over his chest. "You know what I meant! I thought we agreed that practice makes perfect or whatsoever."

Zayn and Niall babysit a friend's bunny, during which Niall tells Zayn that he wants to adopt a child.

Naive Melody by liquidmeasure

"The clock on the side table says it’s just after midnight when he wakes up to Theo screaming and crying for his mother. Just after midnight, so a good three and a half hours of sleep and that’s that. It’s like the kid has finally caught on that all is not well. That his parents have really and truly gone. He keeps crying when Niall picks him up out of his cot and it seems he doesn’t stop for three days."

Post-Zayn canon fic. Zayn steps in to help Niall deal with Theo. Niall isn't sure how to deal with Zayn.

This is sort of a mish-mash of a couple of my prompts, including canon pining and single dad Niall with optional accidental baby acquisition. I couldn't figure out how to give Niall a baby without something terribly sad happening, so I opted for an extended babysitting gig. I hope it works! <3

of an endless summer by petals

Zayn shrugs unapologetically. “My first time away from home,” he admits with a blush that make Niall’s knees feel weak. “But there are perks, I think.”

“Yeah, I love it here,” Niall says. “It’s kind of nice getting paid to do stuff like this, like watch kids swim in the lake, while you either swim with them, or you could even read a book. I don’t know, there’s a lot to love.”

“Not really the perk I was thinking of,” Zayn says. “But yeah, sure. The lake, whatever.”

Niall stares at him, watching as Zayn winks before he goes back to his food.

All We Got Up To by venividivici

AU where Zayn and Niall go on a double date with Liam and Louis, that Harry ends up accidentally crashing. (But come on, it's Harry.)

You start a fire inside that I could never control by heart_eyes

“They call us freaks you know, in the local paper—on the news.” He said just above a whisper still cautious, as if admitting out loud that Jay's suspicions had been correct that secret service would jump out from where they were hiding just waiting for Zayn's confirmation before they carted him away to some lab somewhere for experimentation.

“That’s because they don’t understand, refuse to…it’s not like that everywhere though, in the bigger cities we’re more accepted not just tolerated so long as we stay hidden but praised for our abilities—they call us heroes.”

“What like Superman? Batman?” Zayn asked, tone mocking and full of doubt, but Jay’s next words chased the amusement right off his face.

“Exactly like them

(or the one where Zayn attends Heroes Anonymous meetings)

and if you know me, like i know you by horlik_aholic

They promised each other they’d keep in touch, but it wasn’t something that even needed to be discussed-- of course they’d keep in touch. They were Zayn and Niall.

Now Niall’s a senior in high school, newly 17 and ready to breeze through this last year and take on college next fall. He hasn’t heard from Zayn in 3 years.

or, Zayn moves to Niall's town after 3 years of not talking and Niall is coping.

(one of these days) i wish you were a hologram by groundopenwide

Zayn’s stomach churns, and he has to squeeze his eyes shut. “Right now—this is real? I’m not imagining things?”

“I’m right here,” Niall says softly. “I’m always right here, Zayn. Been here the whole time.”

Zayn's been having dreams- dreams that seem so real, he can't even distinguish fact from fiction anymore.

better than words (more than a feeling) by petals

im so sorry, Niall sends back. Followed by, mate got a new num, forgot it

He waits for the reply, because honestly, he sent this guy a picture of himself in the bath. In a green bath. The guy is probably laughing about it with his friends, Niall will probably become a meme on the Internet or something. Blond idiot in green water sending naked selfies to stranger meme.

i rly am sorry, he sends, hoping that’ll be enough to keep the guy from spreading his picture.

dnt worry bout it, cutie xx is the guy’s reply and Niall groans, dropping down on his bed face first. He can’t remember how to breathe. Honestly can’t remember.

Happiness, not in another place but this place. by LauDom

Niall stared at the screen for a long time. Had he met someone else in the club last night? What did the Z stand for? Zoe, Zander, Zeus?

So he decided to be funny and even though his face showed a clear hungover and sleep deprived-ness he sent a pouty selfie and texted: “Sorry, I think u have the wrng number.”

Sweater Weather by xTammyVx

It wasn't until they were outside the club that Niall squeezed Zayn's hand and said, “Come back with me?” then, “I kinda like you.”

Zayn wasn't stupid; he knew that the number of people Niall had slept with over the span of his four-year-long career was exactly what one could expect from a superstar, and that he probably pulled with lines like that all the time. However, simmering below that self-awareness was the unbelievable, untamable fire spreading from where they were touching, and all Zayn wanted was more.

2015: Zayn meets Niall on a post-concert night-out.

2019: Niall comes home for a mid-tour break.

So Hot That I Melted by PigSlay

Zayn's working his way through college to get his degree in art by working as a bartender at a local pub. One night, a group of people, including one stunning blonde named Niall, come there. After that, Niall keeps coming back almost every night and after serenading Zayn during one open mic night and exchanging phone numbers, they slowly become the best things to ever happen to each other.

A Story for the Kids (orphan_account)

"Da, why do you look at Zayn like he's a princess?"

[Niall and his daughter are new to London and Zayn's personal life is a bit messy. Somehow, they make things work.]

I'll Dance With You, I'll Laugh With You (Til It's Christmas in the Room) by tobedwithacupoftea

After a death in Niall's family, he must stay at Hogwarts over Christmas their seventh year. Zayn also stays at the castle and though the boys have a more than amazing Christmas, some ill-advised magic at New Years may ruin it all.

crooked love in a straight line down by leighbot

“You’d like him if you got to know him,” Liam whispers while everyone else finds seats as well.

“I already know him,” Zayn responds.

“Seems like there’s a bit of tension between you two.”

Zayn rolls his eyes hard enough they hurt. “Like homicidal, maybe.”

Or, the studying abroad AU where they're all supposed to stick together but Zayn and Niall get off on the wrong foot. Zayn finds solace in his graffiti, a pretty American boy and a mysterious commenter on his art blog.

With side 'love at first sight' Liam/Harry and 'it's complicated' Louis/Eleanor/Nick.

Sore Winner by venividivici

"No. No, no. Just. Just shut up. Figure Skating isn't a game, okay. I don't play figure skating, I perform it. Big difference from your elementary recess time you call a sport. That's a game." Niall only inhales, sighs loudly into the cold air. "This is nice. You and me. This chilly night, the stars are bright. Perfect time to lay out how we really feel about each other, don't you think?" Or, Zayn likes the stars; Niall reads too many horoscopes; and neither is mature enough to drop their irrational hate.

One, Two, Three Strikes You're Mine by littlepinkbow

Having a crush on a player from your rival's baseball team is bad enough. Even worse when they're literally the most relaxed person ever. It just takes a bit of time and a bit more reckless abandon to figure it out.

let your heart go boom by liferuining_feels

Zayn arrives in Dublin with no expectations except to forget about the life he left behind in London. He's here on exchange for a year, and his only plan is to learn to be himself again. But no matter what, he can't seem to shake off the feeling that he's so helplessly lost.

Then he meets Niall, and suddenly life becomes a little bit more easier.

But what Zayn forgets is that time is ticking, and there's a return ticket to London with his name on it.

All He Needs by sunshineflying

Niall is out and proud at uni, but back in Ireland nobody knows he's gay - not even his family. After some conversation with his best friend and roommate Zayn, as well as their friends Liam and Louis, he knows it's time to just go home and be honest with his family. His crush on Zayn complicates things a bit, especially when Zayn offers to go to Ireland with Niall as moral support, but he follows through with it anyway.

Happiest Place On Earth by pocketfullofbees

It's always weird. Each time he sees the actual character he's surprised people recognize him. Then again, he never saw himself as any type of royalty.

_______

Or the AU where OT5 work as face characters at DisneyLand and Zayn's hopelessly in love with an Irish Faerie.

This Night was Made for Us by zaynplusanyone

Niall and Zayn have a tie that binds them, a bond. It takes them a while, but eventually they figure out that that bond is meant to be there, that it means something more. Tonight is about celebrating that bond, enjoying what they have, and remembering that even when the world is moving too quickly around them, they will always have each other.

Promise You'll Be Glad You Came by Jairo

“It’s Halloween and we’re trick-or-treating but you have no candy” AU.

Ain't No Sunshine by acue

AU where Zayn and Niall meet in an airport only because they were the ones to get assigned the same seat and Niall finds something out about Zayn pretty deep into their relationship that should have been mentioned at the way beginning.

Or the one where Zayn is in the army and Niall is completely smitten with Zayn, and waits for him to come home in one piece a lot.

Walk Away Now and You're Gonna Start a War by Niallaeger

Even the glass of water he had tried to force himself to drink, while sitting on the floor by the bedroom in Niall’s apartment debating whether or not he should bother to get up, left such a horrid taste on his tongue that he couldn’t make it past the first couple sips. It was like all the words he hadn’t said that morning mixed with the bitter taste of the ones he hadn’t had the decency to hold back, and now they’re just lingering, in his head, over his tongue, making his stomach turn, and now Harry’s asking him if he’s alright because he looks a little sick and all Zayn can do is nod.

Or, the one where Zayn doesn't think he can do anything right, and Niall just needs a little time. Basically, your soccer!AU with a healthy dose of angst.

The Not Exactly Late Night Show With Niall Horan by WhyHelloThere

When Niall forgets to book a guest artist for his radio show, Harry sets him up with a friend of a friend. Things just go from there.

I'm sending postcards from my heart, I don't care who sees what I've said by niallszayn

Niall spots who has to be the hottest guy on campus at the library but fails to ask him out when they run into each other. He posts about it on this cool new app though, and hopes for the best.

another uni!au full of pining

Skate Your Way Into My Heart by littlepinkbow

Zayn really can't help but being fond over the ridiculously sweet boy attempting to teach the kids in his class how to rollerblade and Louis really really can't keep his mouth shut.

I've got your body on my skin (and tequila on my tongue) by bonjourziall (punkjuggie)

And at that exact moment Zayn didn't feel the need to drown himself in alcohol anymore. Because Niall's lips were far more intoxicating than any brand of tequila and Zayn craved Niall’s touch more than he craved the burning of the alcohol. or Zayn and Niall both start using alcohol as an excuse to keep hooking up with each other. or Niall is literally the reason that Zayn is becoming an alcoholic.

Perfection Will Not Come by becauseziall

"Later! I promise!" Zayn called after him, backpack weighing down his shoulders. Niall looked back over one shoulder with a goofy grin that overpowered the rest of his face.

"Yeah! Just keep studying your Calc, alright?"

Zayn turned so he walking backwards for a moment. "Yeah," he smiled, "alright," and with that, he turned around, heading back to his dorm, thoughts of sunshine and happiness and beautiful filling his mind.

start off the day singing by leighbot

Secretly, Niall’s pleased by the extra time spent with Zayn, often baiting the children to help him encourage Mr. Malik to join them for a song or two. At least, Niall hopes it’s secret. Based on the teasing he often suffers when around Louis or Harry, he doesn’t think he’s been as subtle as he’d like.

Thankfully, Zayn doesn’t seem to have picked up on Niall’s crush.

Or, the one where Niall is an elementary school music teacher and Zayn's first graders are possibly Niall's favorite class... and not just because Mr. Malik has a pretty smile. Okay, it's a bit because he has a pretty smile.

From Wrong to Right by sunshineflying

Zayn's struggling to let go of an old relationship, but his best friends and roommates Liam and Louis are determined to help him get over it. A chance encounter at a club and a failed attempt at getting someone's number leads Zayn right to the man he's been waiting for.

a house built by a doctor to the stars by fakeheaux

"There's no way you live there," Zayn laughs, brows pulling together. "That's Murder House, bro, no way."

Niall shrugs. "Murder House to you. Murder Home to me."

or niall is the baby of spirits ben and vivien harmon, raised by an eclectic group of ghosts

i don't wanna lose your touch (i don't wanna hurt this much) by fakeheaux

"Okay, so. So...you're stuck with each other," Harry says slowly. "Literally."

Zayn sighs, already done with the whole thing. "Yeah, Harry."

or zayn and niall get magically bonded together after they eat some sus chinese food

know you're not alone by fakeheaux

There are many beliefs of what a shift feels like. The most common one is that the shift always hurts, even after you’ve become used to it. In his opinion, that isn’t quite true. It’s not painful, per se, but it is intense. Shifting, to him, is like a rush of endorphins, adrenaline, and relief all at once. He shifts and it’s like going back home. It’s like - like the best feeling in the world.

or zayn doesn't like dogs which bothers niall so so much

on a wednesday, in a café by fakeheaux

"I like your glasses."

or niall is nosy and zayn speaks urdu in coffee shops

they say we are what we are, but we don't have to be by fakeheaux

"They hate us," Niall murmurs. "They're not going to let us fight with them, just 'cause we wear green."

Zayn shakes his head. "Green's just a color, babe. Don't make you who you are."

it's our paradise (and it's our war zone) by fakeheaux

"We were on a break!" Zayn yells.

or The One With Ross and Rachel, Reimagined

me, her, and the moon by dramaturgicallycorrect

“I think I should go home,” Niall says. “You should really get on. Dance with those boys your mum wants you to dance with.”

“I only want to dance with you,” Zayn says, taking her hand and giving her a spin, watching her dress flair beautifully before she pulls her in tight. She holds Niall’s waist tight, and Niall curls into her, resting her head against her chest. They sway slowly to the muffled sounds of the big band and clutch each other for dear life. This is all Zayn needs, her girl and the moon and the stars.

[Or Zayn invites Niall to her going away party, but neither of them want her to go away.]

that which we call a rose by dramaturgicallycorrect

Zayn pops his head around the door suddenly, the sounds of Louis stomping down the stairwell echoing out behind him. “Wait,” he says, even though Niall isn’t going anywhere. “What’s your name?” “Ah. I’m Niall.” He grins. “Although... what’s in a name?” “That which we call a rose,” Zayn says, trailing off with a small grin before the rest of him disappears behind the closing door.

[Or, they're at Juilliard and Niall plays the guitar and Zayn has a beautiful falsetto and Liam, Harry, and Louis need some help putting on Romeo and Juliet.]

nevada's fault by irishmizzy, miss_bennie

“Niall Horan, will you -- ow,” he winces when Harry flicks his neck, but when Zayn starts up again, the disaffected tone is gone, “will you do me the honor of marrying me tonight and winning this bloody game of truth or dare?”

this is no bridget jones by nicheinhischest

“Harry," Zayn feels like he’s losing it, "Harry, you know my life isn't a romantic comedy, right? No matter how much you try and make it one."

"Please, I've seen Love, Actually like... thirty times," Harry says, grinning. "This is going to be so much better.”

the creation of ursa major by robpatFF

Niall would pull him all the way if he could, wrap his sunlight infused hand around Zayn’s and pull them up until they couldn’t breathe. And Zayn would let him, only to return (loyal, dependable, periodic) and settle around his Sirius before he’d float off again.

i can see the sun in late december by robpatFF

Written for the prompt: it's cold in ireland and zayn is all skin and bones and niall is all extra blankets and warmth and kisses (basically lazy kissing under the covers fic) and then this happened

Settle Down With Me by robpatFF

artist!Zayn and fratboy!Niall. Zayn draws and Niall's in a frat and they make it work somehow, they do.

this silver spoon has fed me good by hickeyziall (scentedziall)

"We realise you won’t be thrilled about this, Zayn, but we hope you understand that this is necessary for you to be considered the heir of our business in the future."

Zayn cleared his throat to gain the attention of the boy, who whipped his head around in response. He was taller than Zayn, young and lanky in a charming way that matched the dimples in his cheeks. He wore long, wild hair, hardly contained in a bun, and the uniform green apron with the patisserie’s logo printed in black and white next to his nametag.

"Good luck. You’ll need it."

aka rich kid working in a bakery au?

The Lost Souls by daretoliveforever

Zayn is unique. He receives visions. Most people would think this is a gift. But Zayn thinks it’s a living Hell. He sees people having their lives taken away from them. Either by themselves, or others. The worst part is Zayn doesn’t know what to do. How can he help people when he’s only seen them in the visions?

Baby, It's You by alnima

Zayn Malik has an obsessive crush on famous Internet blogger Niall Horan, but what happens when Niall starts posting about a crush of his own?

amidst all the weather by Livy_May

Niall doesn’t tell Louis, for obvious reasons. He doesn’t tell Harry, either, because if Harry knows something, it’s only a matter of time before Louis knows it, too. And he doesn’t tell Liam because Liam is honestly the worst liar he’s ever met.

He’s not trying to keep it a secret. It just sort of... happens.

Wings Wouldn't Help You Drown by wasp

Zayn just wanted to watch the sun set, watch it bleed into the sky as same as ever in a world that’s forgotten about them, completely slipped under their feet and morphed and fucked up some more.

to put a little sunshine in your life by khakis

san diego au. zayn's a brooklyn boy who follows his maybe-ex-girlfriend to san diego. it turns out a whole lot lovelier than he could have hoped.

“Look at this little family,” Harry murmurs.

“You big softie,” Louis says, but his voice is so steeped in fondness that Zayn can almost taste it, and he feels warm in a way that has nothing to do with the crush of bodies around him. He cranes his head a little and Niall meets him halfway, anticipating it, grinning as their eyes meet and reaching a hand up to grip comfortingly at the back of Zayn’s neck. Yeah, his gaze says, you belong here. We want you here. I want you here.

And then the chicken is burning and Harry yelps like he’s the one being singed and they fall apart as easily as they fell together.

Up towards the sun by wannabe_free

The first time Niall sees the small lumps on his back he freaks out. He stands naked in front of the mirror, the glassy surface still blurry with the steam of the shower he’s just had. There’s something in his back that feels odd. It doesn’t necessarily ache; it’s like a stretching feeling, something from his insides fighting to come onto the surface, pulling at the skin and muscles that come in its way.

AU- OT5-Niall centric. Niall isn't human.

Perfect Storm (orphan_account)

“Who the hell thought it was a good idea t’watch a horror movie in the middle of a thunderstorm?” Niall groaned.

The boys watch a scary movie during a storm, and it leaves Niall a bit shaken up (not that he'd admit it). And Zayn is there to save the day, as usual.

Whiteboard by lostinsanity

Niall’s a musician, Zayn’s an artist. Music and art are their lives, respectively. And the story shouldn't be much more complicated from there. But it is, because Zayn is deaf.

Of You I Grow Fonder by Klavier

"I'm Niall Horan, and it's a pleasure to meet you without deep-fried potatoes in my hair."

let's get (meta)physical by murkya

Zayn has a Niall situation that he's capital I Ignoring, and then suddenly he's got a burning problem he really can't ignore, capital letters or not. (modern myth/religious beings AU?)

staked through the heart and you're to blame (you give love a bad name) by biggrstaffbunch

Zayn's a vampire slayer and Niall's a vampire and it's all as star-crossed as it sounds. But also, maybe it's not.

(Featuring Liam as a Watcher that would give a certain Sunnydale librarian heart palpitations and Louis as the hell-raising--but not in the literal sense--sidekick. Plus, Harry.)

Inside My Heart, Inside This House by zzegnas

Niall recovers from his knee injury in the comforts of the English countryside with his two best friends, Harry and Liam.

amour doux by bisousniall

Niall runs an authentic French bakery in London, and he swears he hired Zayn for the extra help, not just for his looks. Also his employee Louis is harbouring a huge crush on their customer, Liam. Harry is there to keep them all together.

Eat Your Heart Out, Gertrude Stein by skullage

Zayn doesn’t have a watch any more; he measures time in distance. How long it’s been since he made Niall laugh, how far apart they were when they said goodnight. How many pieces he could put between his room and Niall’s, how many hours, minutes, seconds since Niall said his name.

Compass Rose by eiqhties

“We’re like all the directions coming together, you know? Like a compass. What do they call them? Compass rose, that’s us.”

An AU in which One Direction are an indie rock band touring America. There's lots of open roads, cramped vans, and pining for the service stations in the UK. Oh, there's also a lot of pining for each other, too.

i was made for sunny days (i was made for you) by nicheinhischest

"Don't do dances," Niall repeats with a smile. "Don't do pool parties. What do you do, Zayn Malik?"

Zayn shrugs. "Play baseball. Date you."

swimming pools by pixies

au where everyone is home from college for the summer, and zayn has the summer he never expected. includes: college rivalries, southern accents, and lifeguards.

delivery entrance to narnia by irishmizzy, miss_bennie

"You okay?” Niall mouths. Zayn knows he’s mouthing it but he can hear it loud and clear, which is fucking weird. He blinks. His head hurts, right on the top where Liam had touched it, but all over, too.

(The one where Zayn gets superpowers.)

do you care if i stay? by justaboat

zayn and niall go on a road trip.

Beer and Band-aids by hotnuts

Niall shoves his numbing hands deeper inside the warmth of his hoodie, biting the cold back with chapped lips and shaking limbs. He hums to keep his anxiety at bay, small noises in the form of some drowned out Justin Bieber tune he hasn't been able to get out of his head since he left Ireland.

Or, that one ziall street au where Zayn is a misunderstood artist, Niall is the cute Irishman who shouldn't be walking around London at night and they fall in love with each other over a lot of alcohol, bruises and angst. Also Louis is a sassy pub-owner with a hipster boyfriend.

here i love you by myownremedy

Louis reckons Niall should just tell Zayn, reminds him that they live together in the tiniest, most overpriced apartment in all of New York and the walls are thin enough that Niall knows what Zayn sounds like when he’s getting off, and they never cook because their kitchen is so tiny, it’s basically a flat with two closets serving as bedrooms and an even smaller bathroom, and they are married, according to Louis, so Niall might as well make it official.

Niall and Zayn (and the rest of the gang) are students at NYU, and Niall and Zayn live together in an overpriced shoebox apartment in the Village. Also, Niall's been in love with Zayn since freshmen year.

I Will Give You the Moon (It’s the Least I Can Do) by TheMipstaz

5 times Niall thought Zayn was a werewolf + 1 time Zayn actually was

never felt like home (until i had you) by groundopenwide

“Missed you.”

Zayn’s voice is hushed, careful, as though he’s not sure he’s allowed to fully make the admission. Each syllable slurs together like he’s spinning molasses.

Niall shuffles his head down the pillow until he can kiss each of Zayn’s knuckles, just once. Zayn hums, the sound coming from far away. They fall asleep with their hands intertwined.

Or: Tour ends, and Niall goes home to Zayn.

follow the marks you left by littlecather

“Yeah,” Zayn nods, voice heavy. “Probably best if we … don’t tell them. For now.”

“For now,” Niall agrees. There’s too much promise in that, though. Niall’s not sure just yet if he can see a point in the future when he can tell them - that he went to see Zayn, without any of them knowing. That he kissed Zayn. That he’s going to see Zayn, again, to possibly do that, again.

Secret relationship; canon.

Soul Mechanism by alexenglish

When a chance encounter with a stubborn human manifested a magical bond within Zayn that had been dormant for decades, Zayn could not deny being intrigued; by the connection, and the boy, and what it meant for a demon such as him -- a demon who had been without a master for many years.

The universe always had a purpose, and meeting Niall was only the beginning.

(And you will always be someone who was beautiful, once.) by softly (alexenglish)

I will always love you, or anyway I will always have loved you now.

(Look at you.) by softly (alexenglish)

I do not believe in love at first sight. But god damn.

(Don’t worry. We’re all doomed eventually.) by softly (alexenglish)

I know your weakness. It’s kisses. You are doomed.

(no one could steer me right, but mama tried.) by softly (alexenglish)

You aren’t really a good person, but god damn, you make bad look awesome.

(Let’s join a street gang! Is NASA recruiting?) by softly (alexenglish)

This town isn’t big enough for the both of us. Let’s run away together!

Killing Time With You by flares

“People got together whenever they felt like it before they came up with the clocks.”

“Yeah, and now, like, no one does,” Zayn says. “Most people want to just date their soulmate, because what’s the point in wasting your time if it’s going to end, right?”

You'll Find What You're Missing In Between the Lines by flares

Niall: its weird to take a cat on the bus right ?

Don't Break Character by flares

It’s all a bit mortifying. Zayn wonders how he ended up being the one embarrassed in this situation.

For a Second There, We'd Won by flares

Zayn can’t stop looking at Niall’s fingernails, bitten down and red, and he wonders what had him so anxious. But he’s not in any place to ask anymore, so he keeps his mouth shut.

Looking for Astronauts by flares

He doesn’t have a crush on Zayn. Like, Niall really doesn’t. It would be stupid. They’re in space. They’re the crew of the first human mission to Mars, for fuck’s sake. Niall doesn’t have time for crushes.

Or he shouldn’t, at least. Logically.

Sipping on Something Sweet by flares

It’s ridiculous how careful he is, actually, and Zayn wants to laugh, if only because the alternative would be to cry. Maybe thinking he might break isn’t too far-fetched of a belief.

I'll Be Your Mirror by liquidmeasure

"I don’t want to talk about walking corpses and sisyphean tragedy. Let’s wander. Let’s eat!” He pulls Zayn forward, over the cobblestones, through the dark. “The city is being reborn around us and you’ve been holed up so far away from me for so many decades. I want to show you everything. I want to climb to the top of it and look down and dedicate it all to you.”

A Ziall Vampire Love AU for Halloween.

I've been wanting to write this since I watched Only Lovers Left Alive earlier this year, so if parts of it seem familiar, that's why. I basically took a Jim Jarmusch movie and made it about Ziall. Sue me! (Wait actually don't sue me. Please.)

All of Me by FallingLikeThis

Niall Horan is perfect.

Zayn came to this conclusion a long time ago. And the depths with which he believes it just grow more with each passing day.

#ziall #to read #one direction #1d #mine

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newyorktheater · 4 years

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Adam Driver, from trooper to trouper

On Veterans Day, a reminder from Adam Driver, Broadway veteran and military veteran, and the founder of Arts in the Armed Forces, a nonprofit that brings theater to the military: “The birth of theater was from a military environment. The Greeks — Aeschylus, Euripides, all these elected generals — wrote plays for a culture that was at war.”

Other non-profit groups that help veterans pursue the arts either as a vocation or an avocation:

United States Veterans’ Artists Alliance (USVAA)

Veteran Artist Program (VAP)

Society of Artistic Veterans (SocArtVets)

Also:

TDF’s Veterans Theatergoing Program

TDF partners with veteran groups in the city to provide free tickets to veterans to Broadway shows on select days. Next up: Tootsie on November 12, Come From Away on November 13, Beetlejuice on November 19.

The Week in New York Theater Reviews

Broadbend, Arkansas

“Broadbend, Arkansas” is billed as a musical about three generations of an African-American family in the South grappling with injustice. While technically accurate, that’s a misleading description of a show that falls so short of what it could be, that I prefer to view it as a work in progress.

The Black History Museum

“Whoo, that was some heavy shit,” our guide says after leading us through 400 years of African-American history. It was hard to disagree. Every inch of HERE Arts Center has been transformed into an immersive “theatrical museum” – part theater, part museum — an impressively ambitious collaborative effort by a veritable army of African-American artists. “The Black History Museum, According to the United States of America” is illuminating, depressing, enraging, amusing, inspiring. It is overwhelming, in both good ways and bad.

The 2020 Book Report

David Lawson made a personal sacrifice as a public service: He read 10 campaign books, all but one by current candidates for President of the United States. From his reading, he has fashioned an hour-long show that should get wider exposure than the one-shot performance last night as part of the 2019 Gotham Storytelling Festival at the Kraine Theater

The Michaels

If Richard Nelson, the writer and director of “The Michaels,” were hired to direct the next Marvel movie, would Iron Man, Thor and the Hulk sit around the kitchen table in Rhinebeck, New York for two hours talking in barely audible voices about art, death, politics, and their old fights with Loki, while Spider-man bakes a loaf of bread, and the Black Panther takes Wolverine for a walk? That’s been the formula for Nelson’s four Apple Family plays and then his three plays in The Gabrielsseries, and it’s back once again with “The Michaels,” subtitled “Conversations During Difficult Times,” a play about a family of dancers gathering around a kitchen table in Rhinebeck, New York, which I’m hoping will be a one-off, rather than the first of yet another series.

Cyrano

Peter Dinklage’s singing voice would not normally qualify him for a role in a musical, unless in a Disney animated movie as a singing rhinoceros. But Rex Harrison couldn’t really sing either, and he was just right for My Fair Lady. In several ways, the star of Game of Thrones is an inspired hire for a musical adaptation of Cyrano de Bergerac…Dinklage wears no fake nose. He doesn’t need to. He also proves once again to be a terrific actor… But ‘Cyrano’ is missing…panache.

Bella Bella

Bella Abzug spoke at my junior high school graduation, until Donna Florio’s mother told her to shut up. “This is my daughter’s graduation, not a political rally.” Abzug paused, apologized….and kept on talking for ten more minutes, caught up in the vehemence of her argument against the latest political outrage.

That’s my most vivid memory of this fiery member of Congress, anti-war activist, influential feminist, and fearless advocate that Harry Fierstein is portraying Off-Broadway at MTC in his new solo play about her life. Fierstein’s affection for his subject is abundantly evident in Bella Bella – so much so that he seems to have turned her into himself.

Dr. Ride’s American Beach House

The two ladies hanging out on the roof are lesbians; they just don’t know it yet. The title of Liza Birkenmeier’s play, which marks her Off-Broadway playwriting debut, may seem to promise something rollicking, but what unfolds is actually small, slow and seemingly random, existing almost entirely as subtext. “Dr. Ride’s American Beach House” is largely about repressed desire.

The Week in New York Theater News

Bob Martin

Luke Kirby plays a movie star trying on “Hamlet” and Rachel McAdams a young member of the company in the first season of “Slings & Arrows.”

The first and biggest (and ok, only) scoop I’ve had on NewYorkTheater.me was when Bob Martin told me on Twitter that he and his two co-creators were contemplating a fourth season for “Slings and Arrows,” the cult Canadian TV series about a fictional theater suspiciously similar to the Stratford Festival. The show is so wildly beloved that his Twitter remarks became international news, which I milked in a couple of subsequent posts, here and here.

That was seven years ago! Now, the TV critic of the L.A.Times casually mentions in an interview with Martin’s two co-creators Susan Coyne and Mark McKinney the Slings and Arros “prequel they are currently shopping,”:

“Now you’ve written a prequel, “Amateurs.”

Mark McKinney: Yes. I’ve always loved that word, because of the Latin root, “to love.” There was kind of a lot of “Could you do a Season 4?” and we noodled around…We were driving down [to Stratford] and started talking about Cyril and Frank [gay, older members of the New Burbage company, played by Graham Harley and Michael Polley], because you were explaining to me how nice it was to drive down in the spring, and we thought, “Oh, my God, Cyril and Frank, what would it have been like in 1953 if they had been part of the original festival, not knowing that they were about to walk into the first society that would embrace who they were?”

The interview explains just what’s so terrific about the original three seasons of “Slings and Arrows

The Minutes will open at the Cort Theater on March 15, 2020 with Tracy Letts himself in the cast, along with Ian Barford (currently in Letts’ “Linda Vista”), Blair Brown, Cliff Chamberlain, K. Todd Freeman, Armie Hammer, Danny Mccarthy, Jessie Mueller, Sally Murphy, Austin Pendleton, Jeff Still

Ivo Van Hove’s West Side Story, which begins previews in December but doesn’t open until February, will be just one act (no intermission) — “I want to make a juggernaut,” Van Hove tells Adam Green in Vogue. To that end, he’s omitting the song “I Feel Pretty” and the Somewhere ballet — and adding videos!

Broadway’s Dirty Secret :Ivo Van Hove’s success shows how much American commercial theater relies on European state funding, as Helen Lewis details in The Atlantic.

The Trojan Women Project Festival at La MaMa ETC will feature a newly re-imagined version of La MaMa’s groundbreaking 1973 “The Trojan Women,” directed by Andrei Serban, with some original members of the cast and artists from Guatemala, Cambodia and Kosovo. The two-week festival includes workshops, panel discussions, and performances. December 6-15th.

Jagged Musical’s lottery at JaggedLottery.com and rush at the Broadhurst box office are both $40.

Whoa. Performances of Death of a Salesman in London starring @WendellPierce had to be stopped when the ceiling fell in. Five theatergoers hospitalized with minor injuries.https://t.co/snGAEaCi0U pic.twitter.com/k5EYUsYKxq

— New York Theater (@NewYorkTheater) November 9, 2019

She Persisted, the musical adaptation of Chelsea Clinton and Alexandra Boiger’s illustrated feminist picture book, “She Persisted: 13 American Women Who Changed the World, will play at Atlantic Theater in 2020.

Composer Marc Shaiman (Hairspray, Catch Me If You can, Smash, etc.) will write original music for the revival of Plaza Suite, starring Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker, directed by John Benjamin Hickey, which opens on Broadway’s Hudson Theater on April 13, 2020.

Yes, you CAN make a living as a playwright: Playwright Lauren Yee has won over $400,000 in literary prizes in 2019

Critics Corner

Michael Billington is retiring as theater critic for The Guardian after 48 years. He will be succeeded by Arifa Akbar. Billington began at the British newspaper in 1971 and has written roughly 10,000 reviews,.“I shall shortly be 80 and, with the years, the stress of writing to a deadline doesn’t get any easier”

The Power of the Critic: A Discussion

with Manohla Dargis (co-chief film critic for The New York Times), Antwaun Sargent (independent writer and critic and author of The New Black Vanguard: Photography between Art and Fashion), Jillian Steinhauer (art critic for The New York Times), and Daniel Mendelsohn (editor-at-large of The New York Review), moderated by Lucas Zwirner (head of content of David Zwirner).

On “thumbs up” criticism:

Manohla Dargis: Do you ever feel like a seller? Because there was an editor who used to always ask me to make sure I put a little word in the first sentence so everyone knew if I liked the movie or didn’t. But I just wanted them to read me. Maybe they’ll figure it out from my enthusiasm around writing, but I want them to know in my own sweet time.

Daniel Mendelsohn: What always gets eroded is any possibility of complexity. Thumbs up, thumbs down, five stars, one star—this is idiotic, right? Because most things are mixed. Don’t tell them everything in the first paragraph—because you liked certain things but not others, and that’s how most things are. If the whole discourse becomes “like/not like,” that’s not conducive to anything interesting.

Rest In Peace

Laurel Griggs, 13, Broadway veteran of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, and Once.

Veterans and Theater. Slings and Arrows returns for real!? Van Hove’s West Side Story Not Feeling Pretty. #Stageworthy News of the Week On Veterans Day, a reminder from Adam Driver, Broadway veteran and military veteran, and the founder of…

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immykidsmanager-blog · 5 years

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Acting in Trump’s Gilead (An Actors Blog)

Advertisers and marketing professionals spend their days (and probably a lot of sleepless nights) wondering about and/creating buzz around the next big thing… but being able to identify a trend is not just their job, it’s also the job of the actor. Knowing that wider ties, and longer hems, often coincide with automakers manufacturing cars in shades of pink and turquoise is an example of identifying a trend. How do I know that? When you live long enough you start to see everything come back around. Now, to me a trend - is different than a fad. A trend will stick around for a while and then reappear in an updated form at least every twenty years or so. But a fad is something that is with us for a year or six months and then disappears just as quickly as it came - probably never to be heard from again. For example, it’s been a while since my kids mentioned Fidget Spinners. I’m sure those useless pieces of Chinese rubberized plastic will sit idle at the bottom of my kids desk drawer until i secretly toss them out. That obsession has given way to their current addiction; slime. I’m hoping slime is just a fad too - or a phase they grow out of at least, kind of like my mom’s approach to me being in to dudes. Sorry Mom, guess that was more of a trend that was here to stay.

As an actor what do you do when you’re not part of a trend? By that, I mean your “type”…your race, your age, your sexual orientation, even your religion. It might sound callous to break us all down into categories, but that’s what our brains do every single day as we file away and classify every new piece of information we encounter.

It’s no surprise that 2018 was definitely the year of the Asian actor, and it’s about time. An Asian actor hasn’t gotten an Oscar since Haing S. Ngor won in 1984 for “The Killing Fields.” You might say this all started with the popularity of Crazy Rich Asians and I would agree, but what led to that? With my 20/20 hindsight I would say that George Takei and his autobiographical play about his childhood experience being held in a post World War II Japanese internment camp shined a light on the Asian immigrant experience. It also doesn’t hurt that he has a hugely popular #Twitter feed dominated by daily anti-Trump tweets.

Another 70-ish celebrity with daily anti-Trump tweets is Cher who happens to be having the best year ever. She’s doing movies again, has an amazing new album of ABBA covers, a broadway show about her life, and is about to embark on a huge European tour. Is Trump the recipe to new found relevance - or is ageism finally dead in Hollywood?

On Sunday I kept seeing Carol Burnett in my news feed. She was definitely trending. I thought OMG did she die or something?! I was Immediately relieved to figure out that she was just being honored at The Golden Globes and not actually dead. So if Carol Burnett is in the news again what does this mean? If I were her manager what would be my game plan?? …what’s next? Maybe nothing. She’s got like a gazillion Emmys - she doesn’t have to do a single thing, but that’s not usually how successful people think. What this tells me is that there’s about to be a lot more roles for older actresses in #Hollywood. Perhaps at first for the A-listers but hopefully that trend can trickle down to the commoners like us too.

A few years ago my kids went in for a sitcom pilot audition that was starring Ms. Burnett playing a famous retired actress who was renting out part of her home to make some extra income. Then they went in for another one with a similar premise with a cast lead by Candice Bergen. Not sure if either pilot was ever made… but then the reboot of Murphy Brown happened and I assume the Bergen pilot died a quick death in the script pile at ABC Television Network. Anyway these projects are out there, which is a good sign that ageism is a dying fad. How ironic is it too that Jessica Lange has had a career resurgence doing campy horror just like her character in "Feud" (Joan Crawford) had in real life.

I asked my kids’ agent why my son always got more auditions and more bookings than my daughter. She said writers just don’t write for little girls the way they write for little boys. This is the same argument that’s been made at the very top of the food chain by Oscar winners like Jennifer Lawrence. Often we roll our eyes when someone as successful as she makes this claim but the amount of opportunities for women is just not the same as for men - and it has been even worse if you’re past a certain age.

So for the non-famous, for the everyday working actor, what can we do when a trend is not working in our favor? Make lemonade? No - Make Movies! My friend, Sarah Megan Thomas, has done just that. Instead of complaining that only 32% of all speaking roles in films belong to female characters, she wrote, produced, and acted in three of her own female driven films; "Backwards," “Equity,” and her third film “Liberté”. In each project she has immersed herself into three very different worlds focusing on the roles women play in: Sports, on Wall Street, and in WWII. Not really since “A League of Their Own” have we seen a film explore the feminine experience during war. This subject is very close to my heart since both my grandmothers worked for the war effort - one making bullets and shells in a gunpowder factory, and the other on an air force base. Both my kids had roles in her film Equity, so we saw firsthand that not only is she creating jobs for actresses but her crews are also heavily comprised of women, with all three films having female directors.

As Heidi Klum says “You’re either in or you’re out,” and as the former titans of film and TV are being dethroned by sex scandals, women are rising up to take their rightful place. We saw the peak of the #MeToomovement at last years Golden Globes. This year we saw The Hollywood Foreign Press reaffirm the strength of journalists, and vow to not let governments make them the enemy of the people. We also saw an Asian actress not only host the show, but win the award for best dramatic TV actress. So… is an awards show the barometer for what’s trending - or just the moment when enough people come together on a network TV platform to oppose Trump’s Republic of Gilead?

Speaking of critically acclaimed television series, sometimes I have a hard time telling the difference between a plot point from “The Handmaid’s Tale” and an actual Tweeted proclamation from the baby king himself. Here’s a list. Can you tell the difference?

Women should be punished for abortion. Total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States Transgender people banned from military service The Press is declared “The true enemy of the people” Separating immigrant children from their parents at the border Calling for the firing of NFL players who kneel during the National Anthem

Sounds like we’re all gonna be hanging on that wall of his!

Like it or not, Trump is an equal opportunity offender and every group that he attempts to marginalize seems to rise up and have their place in the sun. He discriminates… then whoever the oppressed group is…African Americans, Muslims, Women, Gays, Native Americans…that group is suddenly trending. We are lucky enough to live in a time when we are celebrated for our differences and the entertainment industry is finally responding. As soon as Trump offends, then I start to notice that minority group in more roles in commercials, TV, and film. Writers are now creating more diversity in their characters and in the stories they tell. So if you are an actor in one of these minority groups - you’re probably trending. This trickles all the way down to child actors too. Now I notice a lot more diversity in the acting pool at castings than I did 5 years ago when we had a president that rarely used Twitter - and if he did it was never used to offend anyone.

So now what? You’re part of a growing trend. How do you take advantage of a trend in your type? Well, first leaving your apartment is a good step. In the brief window where #GayDads were everywhere we did just that. It was about 2011 and the fight for marriage equality was in the news every day. As courts ruled and legislative branches voted in our favor state by state and eventually sea to shining sea, we made it our mission to attend every equality march, rally, and #Pride Parade in NYC and DC. We wrote letters to state senators, appeared on the local news and in the “failing” New York Times! We did print campaigns for Marriott and MetLife. Marriott even gave us our own float in the New York City Heritage of Pride Parade! I can’t begin to count the number of reality shows we were interviewed for. We actually filmed segments on two shows, one for Oprah and another for a Jerry Seinfeld comedy show on marriage, neither of which actually aired, but the point is we got “out” there (pun intended) and milked that trend for all it was worth. All you can do is create opportunities for yourself when you’re lucky enough to be part of the zeitgeist. Now if you’re gay and married, the only way to get exposure on social media is to take your shirt off and take a #BedSelfie with your husband. Aside from the occasional GymSelfie for my own motivational purposes - that is really not us, so hopefully sexy couple pics will die out soon. I can’t compete!

So if you’re not part of the “in” crowd my biggest piece of advice is to not start taking naked selfies with Ricky Martin’s baby, just BE YOURSELF!!! In college I spent a lot of time playing roles that I would never play in the real world, and I would compete with actors for those roles that I would never be sitting across from in a real casting office waiting room. When I first moved to New York, I wasted so much energy trying to be something I wasn’t. I look back at my old black and white headshots and I remember the photographer trying to make me pose like a soap opera hunk - which I wasn’t. Soaps and teen dramas were big business then. I was young but my hair was thinning, so I couldn’t be the hot teen and I was still too young to play the dad. I definitely wasn’t trending! I should’ve just shaved my head already and embraced roles like the comic book villain born out of a botched laboratory experiment. That would have been so much more fun! So as they taught us at @University of Cincinnati College-Conservatory of Music - CCM… get out of your head and just beeeeeeeeeee……..(deep breath)

Sooner or later everything comes back around…. even you.

I’m My Kids Manager

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