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linkspooky · 4 years

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Akaza and Doma - BFFS

Akaza and Doma are the only two of the upper moons with any kind of relatoinship to each other, namely in how much Akaza despises Doma, and how despite that Doma pretends to be his friend. For both of them it’s more like a hollow imitation of a connection than any genuine feelings between them. That being said, despite the fact they have no true feelings for one another the characters are heavily connected in story. They may not be best friends forever, but they are best foils forever. The reason Doma and Akaza could never get along is because they both believe the same thing, that there is nothing enjoyable about life and no meaning in continuing to live. The difference is Akaza had the love that made his life meaningful and lost it, whereas Doma never had any to begin with and has no idea those feelings even exist.

Which is why despite the fact that they do not get along, the two of them complement each other. They were made for each other in fact. Made to reflect each other. LET’S TAKE A LOOK UNDER THE CUT.

1. Akaza Lost Everything

Both Doma and Akaza believe that their lives are primarily meaningless. However, they come to this conclusion through completely opposite paths. They both live empty lives, but Akaza attempts to fill that emptiness with pursuing strength whereas Doma just embraces that emptiness. Which is why Akaza needs to reject Doma, because he is a reminder of the emptiness Akaza is constantly running away from.

We see this in Akaza’s introduction and his fight with Rengoku. He is absolutely baffled why Rengoku would choose to die, when he could live forever and become stronger. Akaza believes when someone dies, something is lost that cannot be replaecd. For him life is meaningless because it is fleeting, but once again as I will get to later this comes from Akaza’s feelings after having lost everything. Even his own memories of what he lost are gone at the moment.

Akaza is someone who cannot appreciate the beauty of life the same way Rengoku can, because he is unable to live with the losses. Akaza’s idea of strength is basically a child’s idea, being so strong you never lose and die, being so absolute in your strength that nobody can take anything with you. However as Rengoku says that’s not true strength. What Akaza has is a tremendous weakness and cowardice, because he is so afraid of losing things he cannot go on. Unlike the people who are individually crawling out of the wrekcage of the train but still trying to survive, no matter how physically strong he is he lacks the will to try and live with the losses like those people.

Akaza’s vew of the world itself is rather black and white. Remember, he is essentially a stunted child who lost everything when he was on the precipice of growing up, and then was taken advantage of and forced to stay immortally in that state forever. His mind has stagnated for years so it makes sense that he cannot be at the same level of maturity that Rengoku is.

Akaza’s view of the world is so simple, the strong ones, and the chosen ones are the ones who find happiness. Those who are not strong, or chosen, will lose everything.

Therefore it’s impossible for someone to attain happiness if they are weak. Once again, Akaza’s ideas are centered around the fact that if he personally was strong enough he would never lose anything, and also the pre-supposed idea that he should have been strong enough to protect what he had before. This is a mindset that does not allow himself to cope with the loss in any way. There’s no healing, there’s no forgiving himself for not being strong enough, all he can do is continue to lose.

The pursuit of strength that drives him is ultimately empty. He has long forgotten why he wants to be stronger. He lost his reasons the moment he lost everybody he wanted to protect, but beyond that it’s because Akaza could never accept those losses in the first place. Because he sees everything as coming down to strength in the end, he cannot accept that sometimes bad things happen. There are some situations where you cannot help but lose things no matter how strong you are. However, Akaza clings to the idea of his own strength because he has nothing left. He wants to fight, because otherwise he would be a weak man who has lost everything, prolonging a life he does not even want to live anymore.

Akaza takes far too much personal responsibility for everything. Even though he’s a child just trying to survive in a cruel system, he blames his fathers illness, and his inability to help his own father on himself. If only he were stronger, than he would not be suffering this way, that is the narrative Akaza has clung to his entire life.

Akaza also has a pattern where he continually wants to suffer to protect the people that he loves, but he does not understand at all that the people who love him would never wish this pain on him. As it’s shown in the flashback, Akaza’s father told his son to live, but Akaza himself doesn’t understand his father’s wishes and says he would have endured any kind of beating for his father’s sake.

Genuinely in his heart, all Akaza wants to do is live for the people that he loves. At the same time he cannot do that, because the people he loves also love him in return and would never wish to see him suffer in that way.

It’s important to remember Akaza had almost no agency from a young age. That he was continually forced to deal with being poor, having absolutely no secure household, being homeless, basically no control over his own life at all adn always being at the mercy of adults. The reason Akaza cannot stand the feelings of weakness is because he’s been made to feel weak his entire life.The reason he wants strength is he wants the security he does not have.

The difference between Akaza and Doma is that Akaza was shown the love Doma never even received, and was given a chance to heal. In a way though that made him worse, because after coming back from losing everything he was forced to endure losing everything again. Which is why they both came to the same conclusion, that their life is worthless and empty. That they meant nothing in the end.

Akaza lost everything in a situation out of his control, so he took that to mean if he had strength he would have the agency that was taken from him as well. However once again, they were killed in a poisoning incident, not a fist fight. What Akaza cannot stand is that he will one day lose people. The idea of losing people makes any kind of connection he tries to form meaningless, and he thinks the promises he made those people were all lies.

Which is another common point between Akaza and Doma. Despite the fact that they find their lives to be empty and don’t want to live, they keep on prolonging their lives, and it only makes the wounds in them worse and fester. Because they themselves cannot accept what is lost within them, what they are missing.

When Akaza says he hates weak people, he comes to the realization what he hated was his own weak self who could never do anything for the people he loved. That he could not go on living without them, or try to follow the words they left behind. He believes everything he did in life was a waste, and he broke all the promises he made to other people.

However to the people who loved him in his life, Akaza’s own promises were not meaningless. The love he had for them did not go to waste. They accept him, even after he became a demon, even after he died. There love for him did not go away. It’s not gone, even if it’s lost.

That acceptance of his loss, instead of continually trying to fight against himself to prove that he’s not weak is what finally allows Akaza to return to his old self. What gives him the love he so desperately needs is not a show of strength, but rather a show of weakness which is where his true feelings reside.

Which is again, yet another similarity between Doma and Akaza. They both act very childish, proud, and arrogant on the surface but they themselves despite all of their flashiness are weak, damaged people who live their entire lives trying to cover up and deny this weakness.

However they are opposites in their ends, as Akaza always had a home to go back to, whereas Doma never had those things in the first place and never acquired them in life.

2. Doma has Nothing

Specifically what seems to bother Akaza about Doma’s behavior is how he pretends to care about other people. Especially since Akaza himself is driven deep down at heart, by how much he cares about and wants to love and be loved in return by the people in his life. The genuine connections he made to people and how deep his feelings, and also his wounds run have always been Akaza’s strongest trait. It’s because he cared so much about others, that the loss of them was like losing a part of himself, his eyes, or his heart, or one of his limbs. It’s a wound he can never heal from, only let it rot forever.

Which is why Doma pretending to care about other people would be such an affront to him. Doma just plays around with the emotions that drive Akaza the most.

However, Doma and Akaza’s ideologies when they are the demon slayers are almost identical. They both believe that because death exists, because suffering in life exists and loss ther is no meaning in life. However, Akaza came to feel that way after he was dehumanized in his life over and over again. Whereas, Doma never had those connections from the start. Never in his life was he treated as a human.

I don’t think people take seriously what a dehumanizing environment being raised in a cult is. Despite the fact that Akaza was smart enough to realize that his parents were using him, he was still an abuse victim that was taken advantage of by his parents. He was still a child who was used over and over again. The reason Doma feels no genuine feelings is because he’s had several adults since he was born, always place their worries on a mere child.

Doma literally even says that he constantly had other people’s emotions dumped on him when he was a kid. People don’t realize how formative the development of children is, you cannot learn to develop healthy emotions of your own if your emotions are not treated as valid by the adults around you in your life. Doma is not a born sociopath, he’s stunted emotionally and egocentric like a child. The exact same way that Akaza clings to his childish belief that if he was stronger all the misery in the world would go away, Doma clings to the belief that none of the misery in the world matters because everybody is going to end up dead in the end. This is once again, both of them trying to cope with a reality that foisted everything upon them and denied them continually any humanity at all when they were both children.

Akaza and Doma both became demons as a result of nobody in their life treating them as a human, or if they did in Akaza’s case he lost those people. They were continually dehumanized by the environment around them.

Doma knows his parents are using him, but he still clearly is reacting to being raised in that environment. Despite the fact that he does not believe in the cult, his entire life is centered around the cult because there is really nothing else for him. He was shown no other way of living, just used by selfish parents and abandoned.

It’s not that he has those feelings, it’s that Doma has never been shown anything genuine. ANd by the time he was an adult he stopped looking for the genuine thing believing it no longer existed. What Doma wants is what everyone else has, and the same thing Akaza wanted. They both wanted to live in this world to connect, to have something that made their lives feel less empty.

Neither of them want to be demons at all. They want to be human, they want to feel what everyone else has. However, Doma was constantly dehumanized by his own parents, and raised in a dehumanizing cult and Akaza lived in a world that dehumanized the poor and crimminals for just trying to survive.

Doma believing that the bonds between other people have no meaning at all, is a response to that. He wants to feel what everybody else does, but he cannot. Therefore, he chooses to believe that the feelings of other people are empty because the alternative is admitting that he is empty and lived his life for nothing. The same as Akaza, who believved that other people besides him were weak because he did not want to admit his own weakness.

What they both want is a child’s view of the world. Doma wants a world where nobody is suffering and nobody feels pain, and believes that only the emptiness of death absolves these things. Akaza wants a world where he is so strong he never has to endure any loss at all. However, what both of them are unable to do is simply keep on living as people. They are unable to live as people in a world with loss, in a world that is frigid and sometimes lonely, and so they choose to live on as demons instead.

When Doma accuses other people of never having a happy moment in their lives, he’s really just talking about himself.

What Doma is doing here is playing the part of a fictional villain. He’s responding to an irrational world by using a narrative. If he is a villain, if he’s an evil monster in a story book then he’s no longer a person. He doesn’t have to feel like he’s inferior to everyone else, that he’s missing something.

Doma’s death is even sadder beacuse we learn that both of his parents were only in his life to take advantage of him, and exitting his life he could not feel anything for the two people who did not love him in the first place. Doma doesn’t feel sad or lonely, because he was never shown the opposite in the first place, there was never a point where he felt happy, when he was accepted by someone.

Doma points out that he could try to keep living, but unlike Akaza who accepted his death Doma just sort of doesn’t care enough about being alive to even try. It’s not the afterlife for Doma that’s empty, it’s life itself.

Unlike Akaza he had no home. For him, nothing was gained and nothing was lost. However his last request even to Shinobu shows that what him and Akaza wanted was the same thing all along. Just one single connection, proof that they were alive, that they mattered to someone. They both wanted to become human again through the connections they had with other people.

#akaza #doma #kimetsu no yaiba #kny meta #kimetsu no yaiba meta #upper moon #upper moon demons #kimetsu no yaiba theory #kimetsu no yaiba analysis #meta

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wumbo-logy · 6 years

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watching that bender montage of bojack s1 while drunk makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE becuase its like SAME!!!!!!!1

i love todd :(

“maybe i need to stop expecting you t be a good person and then i wont be disappointed” thats really sad but also me af since i basically expect nth from anyone but todd deserves more

you abandoned me and i will never forgive you for that

thsi is all i am and all ill ever be

this is the road i chose

i cant

also when bojack sees diane in snoopy vision is waht i see you like because you’re happy adn you’ve got it figured out and i can imagine you telling me its neevr to late to be ther person i want to be - its proabbly not healthy

but also maybe i just see you as my charlotte - eben less healthy

harper isa stupif name for a kid bojack you can do tbetter

“daddy?” “harper” “dadyy” “har[er” thats basicaaly how the conversations i had with my baby cousin started and i miss her

“how things could have been if you had chosen this life” : ( but you didnt adn youre gone - i wih u dnt

how do you have five theories for 9.11 like i have barely one and hakf

do you think its too late for me

its not too late for me is it

i need you to tell me its not late

i need you tell me that im good

please diane, tell me that im good

fucking john kraskinski is secretariat

i cant ignore the coincidence

“dear secretariat, when i gro w up and i want to be just like you. my question for you is i am a good kid and i like to paly and go to school but sometike s i get sad but how do i not get sad how fo you not get sAf” “YOU Keep running becuas all that exists for you is ahead” and then he kills himself

just like that

he couldnt outrun himefl

what if i become hat oerson

“if you cnat be happy tonight you can never be happy” fuck that man

constantly distracted so you dont have to be alone by yourslef - i feel attacked lmao fuck that

im not gonna lie i fot that jacket bcus i know im diane (i got tired of squinting, im sorrry)

the ket ro happiness is to keep yourself busy with unimortante nonsense until you eventually die - same :(

hello oscar

there’s always later

he;a out with his golden globe so he can remind himself he’s worrth something bcus he wonw it and i get hat i look at pictues of my happy times dso i can remind myself there is somehting tha pmatters

talkedto zhems!!!! finally got to it. i miss hi m and shuo and tiong :( but im happy that i have friends that are fnice. ill make sure i try.

either you know what you want and you dont get what you want or you get what you wnat adn then you dont knw what you want- rhats life isnt it - ita arupid trying becauser you try and everything falss apaert so there’s no poitn trying

there;s alwys later

i really wanted you to like me diane” “inkow” it makes me asd that she only syad i knwo. it reminds me of that stupid call and i feel stupid for aremembering that call i shouldnt eeven think about it but i remember i t hapened and it maeks me sad

ir hurts tso much rhat she dudnt say more. just i kniw, thast fucking nurts.

he still has his award as he looks acrsos . herb dint forgive him. that usxks but he deserved it. can you feel bad for poeople who drsrved it?

im a kgood kid and i plike to play and l like to good to shcol but sometine i get sad what do you do whan you ge sad

dont sit so close to the tv it’ll make you cruel. i as baeuatiful bevpre i got pregmant; you ruined me boacjl.

what if i stay liker this forever and nothing gets bretter and i can go ask for help but i only get taht help once a weel pr opnce in twp weeks and thats like 5 times. nth would ceom out of 5 times. but i gues its something. i should try. there’s no harm. unelss its qorse than i pretend it si. what happens tehn

i miss. everythinkg . i wish i had the courage to be laone. but i thikn i actulaly d ont. i want tob e eith u but i dont thin k i do. you’re all smrt nad nice and understanding suddenlt but i know i cant and u sont want this and there’s os much i dont know but i sitll find muself wanting to be w you because you strnegly make me hapy. i havejt mbeen tha happy in a long time. and thad one day with you was the happiest i felt. and maybe tis just projecting ardn msinntepertnig but i felt happy. i want thast again. im tied of being me. i ant to be happy. yuoure; happy. i wnt to be lke you. i ant to be

not me

i don't thibd I wabt u I just want to be happoy

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jinwoostro-archive · 7 years

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(1) heya lanna!!!! slipping in today without a jinjin scenario aye (lmao i just finished typing and i lied there’s one at the end of these series of questions) and you don’t have to answer this series of asks at all but aye i ?? think ?? you’re having a hard time right now and i know it’s very cliche to say this but it will ??? get better??? i don’t usually talk about this so this is going to be a little choppy but ah fun fact basically

RIP LMAOOOOO i don’t remember which part i sent that was 2 but eyh i typed it out on a doc so here’s what i think it was: (2.1) fun fact basically i had to go on meds about 5 years ago bc of more or less (what i think are) the same things you’re feeling rn and ye it was ?? not a fun time there was a lot of helplessness and apathy and physical pain and Not Enough Energy or Motivation to Survive and i was forced into getting help and ?? i don’t know what your family situation is like or(3) i’m not saying i know what you’re going through or that i know it’ll help you but it’s def an option that worked for me and it’s something that might work for you too ;;;;but i’m going to say that i’m rly glad i stuck through the worst of everything because now literally everything is brighter (esp after our sons debuted i’m rly rly rly glad i stuck around in this world long enough to meet them and see them shine) and because now i know a lot more things about the world and myself that(4) i wasn’t so much aware of before so here goes this is what i learnt and this is me being sappy as fuckyou’re important. you probs watch doctor who lmao ur in the uk but do u remember that one episode when eleven went “i’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before”?? you’re so so so important and i know a lot of people think someone’s importance is based on how much they do for other people?? but it’s literally not true???? sometimes existing and being there that’s(5) enough that’s you being important because fun fact you’re irreplaceable!! you’re not important because you send nice messages or whatever you’re important because of the reason you do those things you’re important because you’re you and selfless and kind and so so so beautiful inside and out you’re important because you came into people’s lives and started existing and ?? that’s irreplaceable there’s a Lanna-shaped hole in everyone’s lives and the people lucky enough to get(6) the hole filled???????? goddam because you as a person mean so so much to me (even with your terrible memes smdh lanna i will never forgive u for baldstro) and if it so happens that you’re also lighting their lives up by existing because of the beautiful person u are???? a double deal tbh but listen you are so so so important because you’re you and nobody else can replace you ever not a bot not another person conclusion: i love you and you’re important to me and the other people you’ve(7) you’ve met on this godforsaken site and also i lost my train of thought but also consider this - jinjin sitting with you in a cafe, holding your hand and sipping iced coffee. he has his gold glasses on with his green hoodie (only because you stole his white one smh lanna why) and when he moves in the light you can see them flash slightly in the light. his hair is pushed away from his forehead so he can see better but sometimes a couple strands fall over his eye and you brush them away so(8) /you/ can see him better. and his eyes are soft and warm and the colour of chocolate and caramel and you wish you could somehow capture him like this, with the afternoon light in his hair and him looking at you with adoration and your hand in his. and he’s brushing his thumb over the back of your hand and looking at you with his head tilted to the side, almost as if trying to memorise you, when he suddenly says, earnestly, “what music do mummies like to listen to?”(9) WRAP MUSIC LMAOOOOOOOO I’LL SHOW MYSELF OUT -boyfriend!jinjin anon anyways i hope you have a good day :')

wow,,,i mean holy fuck that was a lot and idk if it’s because it’s nearly 4am or im kinda highstrung rn but askdn im a mess and idk im just crying.Unfortunately, my parents don’t believe i have any mental illnesses or that it is possible for me to get it so i don’t think it would be possible for me to get help :((But i’ll stick through it! I have really good friends and im grateful for all they’re doing and even if theyre not aware of it they’re helping me alot.okay this is dumb but when you mentioned that doctor who quote i just cried even harder because i know exactly which episode you’re talking about because that episode hit me really hard. rip he’s said a lot of quotes that have stuck with me all these years and it’s helped a bit too..tbh i didn’t really see an importance in myself like,, i found no reason why i should be here or why anyone needs me or anything like that. but, really, thank you so freaking much. bit cringe but this was kind of a realisation that i do matter in some way? rip it doesn’t sound real but fuckin hell it really just hit me then. i really fucking wish there was some way to show you how much i appreciate this and how much it means to me but,,,idk,,im kinda just shaken rn.ahem nYWAYS onto the jinjin part,,,holy freakin hell I can picture that so clearly in my head.tbh i would always steal his clothes bc they’re oversized nd i bet theyre the softest thing :’))) (just like him)honestly, u write this too well, it makes me feel so many things :’)) (im highkey missing his longer hair now bc i wanna touch it now rip)istg,,,if he did that joke on me,,,i would stare at him for a minute adn then grab his face and tell him how cute and adorable he is while squishing his cheeks,,bc im freakin whipped for this boy

#boyfriend!jinjin anon #save #aksjd really though #i actually cant put it into words how much this meant to me #rip im gonna be rereading this daily now :')

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