#against the tide (asanoha)

[mistdaze]

@foxcurse

Asanoha hummed softly in thought to herself as she tucked her hair behind her ear and leaned against the nearby wall. It didn't come as much of a surprise to her that Naruto had asked about her past. He was naturally a curious person it seemed, and she never went about just offering the information on her own. Part of her felt pleased that he wanted to know more about her, but she also worried that revealing more about herself would change how he saw her towards something more negative. Asanoha couldn't deny that she trusted him with this, however. So she sighed soft and began to speak.

"Well..." She started, chewing at her bottom lip for a moment, "It's no secret that I'm from Kirigakure. I grew up there during my early childhood. I'm sure you've heard what kind of place that was. A bloodthirsty and haunted land. But... it's the only home I know."

Asanoha's gaze seemed to become more distant as she recalled her childhood, "My mom was very sick after giving birth to me and she knew she wasn't going to be around to watch me grow up. And so she told my father her secret; That she was from the Yuki clan. Threatened him to keep me safe and raise me before she passed away. However... That safety didn't last long. I was ambushed one night~ And that's when my Hyoton manifested. I was scared of what was going to happen to me, so I ran home to the only place I thought I would be safe only for my father to..." Asanoha pursed her lips as her brows furrowed, her hands clenching at the memory.

"He called me a monster and told me to leave. I've been on my own since then. That is until I found others like me~ And friends like you. I only found out years later, after visiting the abandoned shack I called home and finding old papers, he had made a deal to get rid of me in turn for money. He wanted to get rid of me before I became a problem, I guess. The only claim I have is this blood of mine that everyone calls cursed. And we've practically been wiped out as an official clan~ Picking up the pieces of it all has been a challenge."

#foxcurse #shippuden era? Shippuden era #I'll tag this properly one of these days-- #against the tide (asanoha)

[mistdaze]

Soft and slow footsteps padded along the soil, every once in awhile a twig snapping or a leaf crunching underfoot. It had been more than a week since she had gotten kicked out by that man. Asanoha had lost count exactly how many days it had been. But she knew she had long gotten accustomed to what used to be an uncomfortable feeling against her soles.

It was a wonder she managed to stay as clean as she had thus far thanks to the rivers that flowed through the forest. However, she had to look at her reflection every time, noticing that her cheeks were sinking in. The little bit of fat she did have was gone and bags were starting to form under her eyes. Asanoha was starving to the point that she felt numb. The few edible plants she managed to scrounge up was never enough and it only made her stomach ache more. Trying to catch fish had turned out to be more of a task than she had expected and often, she didn’t get anything.

This was how mommy looked before she died...

Asanoha paused in her walked for a moment, mulling over that one thought. She didn’t have anyone. She was alone. The thought was enough to bring tears to her eyes, yet no sound left her. The only indicator of her pain and sorrow were the tears that trailed down her cheeks which Asanoha was quick to wipe away when she heard the wind rustle the leaves in the trees. The forest was whispering again.

|Let the land embrace you. Mind, body, and soul.|

The temptation was there. The breeze caressed her hair, almost mimicking the comforting touch of her deceased mother. 

Monster. Leave. Die. Those were the last words she heard from that man. Her own blood hated her.

Asanoha grimaced, continuing forward towards where the trees gave way to the crags and she could smell the salt water and hear the waves crashing against the sharp rocks below louder than the taunting whispers of the forest. This wasn’t the first time she found herself here. This was where the night sky was most beautiful. But the clouds blocked the stars from her tonight. 

It was dark. And she felt the feeling of despair creeping further and encompassing her heart. Asanoha stepped forward again, nearing the edge of the cliff, only stopping when there was nothing else ahead of her.

“I could just walk right off... The fall is long and the rocks are sharp. It would be over quickly, right? Maybe the ocean will sweep me away.” She mumbled to herself.

Small pebbles crumbled away from the cliff under Asanoha’s weight as she looked below her and just as she had resolved herself to going over the edge, the clouds began to part and the full moon shone bright. Almost blinding. 

You’re more special than you know. You carry a very important legacy. Her mother had told her that once. 

She didn’t understand back then, but this blood that people called cursed meant something to her mother. And that was enough to make her pause and reconsider. Asanoha backed away from the edge before crumbling to her knees and finally allowing herself to grieve. 

This life wouldn’t be easy, but giving up would not bring her mother any justice. So she would live no matter how much it hurt.

#tw #tw suicide attempt #content warning #Asanoha was going through it back then #She struggled with self hate for awhile #and tbh it still crops up from time to time though it is rare during her adulthood #posts at ass o'clock again bc unfortunately this is the time my brain decides to work #Asanoha in a state of delirium #against the tide (asanoha)