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apsbicepstraining · 7 years

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44 Girls Reveal The Most Insane Thing A Guy Ever Did To Impress Them

Found on AskReddit .

1. He gave me a little chest of chocolates, but he’d already eaten half of them.

When “were in” dating my husband bought a bit casket of chocolates’ for me ,’ but had already eaten half of them because he wanted to try them, more. I still make fun of him for it.

2. He showed me his tattoos of various My Little Ponies.

Showing me his tattoos of various types of My Little Ponies. He was so excited to show me, he reckoned I was going to be blown away by it.

3. He told me he hung up my video so he could see it while in the rain and he was masturbating to it.

I met a guy via online dating. We went to dinner. He was telling me how much he loved one of my photos on the website. So much, he said, he hung it up so he could see it while in the shower and he was masturbating to it.

4. Why? Is your nose bigger than your dick?

I formerly had a guy content me and his opening line was,’ Hey, wanna sit on my appearance ?’

I responded with’ Why? Is your nose bigger than your dick ?’

He blocked me after that.

5. He called me his number-one girlout of seven.

I dated this person for like, a week in junior college. Still very much in the’ getting to know you’ stagecoach. It grew really obvious early on he was one of those guys that try to put you down so you’ll think you’re lucky he’s even talking to you but I’d exactly react every subtle revile with a ‘… K.’

We were hanging out and he says something like,’ You’re my number-one girl.’ Kind of a weird happening to say at this item in the game, all right. I jokingly said,’ Oh yeah? Out of how many ?’ He realise this big show out of counting on his paws and pretends to try remembering all the figures in his ring-binders full of women before he says,’ Seven .’ I was like,’ Haha, OK, well, I don’t think I could compete with seven. Good luck with that ,’ and stopped taking his calls.

6. He told me he masturbated to me but had never been able to finish.

He told me he masturbated to me. And then when I was awkward he was attempting to make it better by tell people he had never been able to finish to me.

7. He told me he could rend a phone book in half, so I demonstrated him one.

One time a person I worked with is seeking to impress me by telling me he could slam a phone book in half with ease. On my production of a phone book, he proceeded to repeatedly attempt to rend it in half to the point of shaking and sweating. He couldn’t. The second-hand humiliation was real.

8. He face-lift his shirt up and said,’ Look how little person hair I have.’

I had a guy come up to me at a prohibit, promote his shirt up, and say,’ Look how little mas “hairs-breadth” I have .’ Granted he was super-drunk, but I simply walked away.

9. He gave me a frozen, severed alligator foot.

I was a project manager at a consulting company. We hired a very odd fellow by the call of Rod. One epoch Rod and I were discussing a neighbourhood Asian supermarket. This is possibly the second largest season we ever communicated; he did not end up working at the company for very long after.

Me:’ Yeah, they have a lot peculiar nonsense there !’ Rod:’ They even have alligator meat for sale .’ Me, in “the worlds largest” disinterested tone:’ Yeah, how about that .’ Intention of conversation.

Weeks go by, and Rod announces he will be leaving the company to start a new statu. He comes by my role to say goodbye. I detect he’s holding something in a plastic crate behind his back, trying to hold back a grin.

Me:’ Best of fluke, being .’ Rod:’ I got you a going-away present .’ I think this is odd, so I say,’ But I’m not leaving.’

Rod sides me whatever is wrapped in the plastic purse. I start to wonder if it’s something “hes having” removed from his body. I unravel the plastic and observe a fishy stink. It’s a severed, frozen alligator foot, with claws still in skill. From the Asian Supermarket.

Rod:’ Watch! You didn’t believe me when I said they had alligator meat !’

tl ;d r Guy once gave me a frozen, severed alligator foot.

10. Two messages: dick pics.

Two statements: dick pics.

11. A person carved my refer into his arm once.

A guy engraved my name into his arm formerly. I don’t have a very short name.

12.’ Your look is like a tomatothe surface is all smooth and soft. Can I stroke your scalp ?’

1)’ You are so beautiful. Your look is like a tomatothe scalp is all smooth and soft. Can I stroke your scalp? No? Oh, well can I decorate you then? I want to give you a camera so you can take photos of yourself and see how beautiful you are.’ Random guy on a bus.

2) Set up on a year formerly. Date arrives two hours late( don’t ask me why I was still hanging around ), follows to tell me he needs to buy some new jeans. We go to a storage, he tries on the jeans and ends he likes them. We queue. At the checkout he appears over at me and says,’ Oh shit, I’ve forgotten my wallet in the car. Would you thoughts ?’

I paid.

3)’ Your face is round like a football’said whilst drunk off his look and scaling a bridge( over not-so-troubled irrigate ).

13. He said,’ Mmm, your blood is dessert’ and went on to tell me it was the sweetest he’d ever tasted.

I was in an art class with a guy and “were in” doing linocut printmaking. You have to use that is something that sharp-witted implement to carve your likenes and my teacher reminded us daily to keep our hands out of the mode. Of direction, I managed to gouge my digits. This person seizure my hands and stays my hemorrhaging fingers in his mouth. After he released me, he said,’ Mmm, your blood is sweetened’ and went on to tell me it was the sweetest he’d ever tasted.

14. He formerly transported me a video of him ejaculating and pointing out how copious it was.

This guy formerly communicated me a video of him ejecting and pointing out how voluminous it was. We were taking a fitness class together and I’d never even talked to him much.

15. I precisely gazed at him as one would stare at a baby who simply shit on the rug.

We were in the middle of the club dance flooring and he simply walked up to me, pulled out his telephone, and showed me the video from his Facebook of him doing a leg press in a gym. I precisely stared at him as one would stare at a domesticated who merely shit on the rug.

16. He offered me half-price on weed if I had fornication with him.

‘Sooo…I can give you this at half-price if you want to stay over.’

I backed out of the room laughing. No, Tim, I’m fine with compensating full toll for a quarter-oz. of gras. I truly don’t want hepatitis.

17. He just takes his dick out and starts jackin’ it.

Oh man, my wife’s best friend has a good one, but I don’t know if she is on here and it’s pretty difficult to not mention.

So she goes on this date with a dude who looked like a pattern. Ravishing would be the word I may have heard.

Anyway, they go on this time. They get in her gondola, and he just takes his dick out and starts jackin’ it. She’s like,’ What the fuck are you doing ?’ and he simply looks at her like a magician trying to’ wow’ her. She doesn’t make regardless, though, and she’s pretty pissed. He goes disturbed and emits this phenomenal word,’ Pfftyou’re just like the others.’

Which is necessary that he has done this before! There is some good-looking buster who just goes on years and jacks off in their auto and thinks why no one likes him.

18. His military dog tag said’ Established in China.’

This guy is seeking to impress me at a table by telling me how he worked in the military forces. He had that various kinds of braggy outlook that makes people uncomfortable. Telling me how he’s trained to kill and knows how to use SO numerous artilleries, and fly this and drive that, and knows hand-to-hand duel. I symbolize I don’t know anyone in the military, so “whos” I to say that some people didn’t behave like that? But it seemed so showy. He then’ accidentally’ drooped his dog tags on the field. Which also seemed strange. Who accompanies their dog tag to a table, and too aren’t you supposed to wear them? Anyways, I was quicker to picking them up, he made a big deal about me looking at them, saying I wasn’t even supposed to touch them, as I was siding them back it clearly said’ Established in China’ stomped on the back.

19. He told me that he didn’t ordinarily year’ Russian chicks'( I have blonde “hairs-breadth”, so OBVIOUSLY I’m Russian ).

After producing me all the types of soda from the school vending machine( despite being told numerous periods that I can’t drink soda ), he pulled up a sung on his phone and explosion it on full volume. He told me to seeing how he understood the Japanese lyrics and the romance they held because love was a language pronounced through raw spirits and could be understood by all. And of course, how the chant represented our charity. It was pretty cringeworthy.

Oh yeah, and he also told me that he didn’t normally date’ Russian chicks'( I have blonde fuzz, so OBVIOUSLY I’m Russian) because they are so strong and tough that they devastate his manliness. But I was’ an aesthetic goddess’ who could defined him free.

These are just the highlights. He did this substance every day on the bus for a whole semester.

20. He read entire sheets from a journal written in Latin over a dinner time in a thick-skulled Italian accent.

Reading entire sheets from a journal writes to Latin over a dinner appointment in a dense Italian accent because’ that’s the way it most probably voiced ,’ without translating anything, until I was about ready to fall asleep. I wrote off all classics majors after that date.

21. He asked me to his prom when I was 10 by buying me a sugar bar.

Had a person ask me to his prom. I was 10 and had never assembled him before. He asked me by buying me a sugar prohibit while I was waiting for my mama to check out in the grocery store.

I was creeped-out. My mama thought it was hilarious.

22. I told him over and over again that I don’t like my hoofs stroked, but he wouldn’t relent.

On our first appointment, about ten minutes in he told me that everyone always said that he afforded the best paw rubs and asked if I wanted one. I told him over and over again that I don’t like my hoofs touched, but he wouldn’t relent, so I finally said fine. Cue what is like him literally trying to break my paw. Purposed up with bruises.

23. One day he brought in his daughter( who was probably 6) and established me to the daughter as’ mommy.’

When I was 18 waiting tables a much older man used to come in and sit in my division a lot. One daylight he brought in his daughter( who was probably 6) and interposed me to the daughter as’ mummy .’ He told me he knew I was the’ commitment sort’ and told you he said I was worth’ the best thought he had to offer .’ It was cringeworthy.

He had been coming in for a few months before it got to this stage of what-the-fuckness. When it happened I freaked out in the kitchen about it but deterred my cool in front of him and didn’t say anything about it. Although the next time he came in he delivered his mother and introduced me as his lover and I lost it. I grabbed my director and he knocked him out. The creepiest constituent about it was that he worked in a medical federal prison. I never read him again, although I did run into his mother at Walmart about a month ago and it was very uncomfortable.

24. He would tell me tales of generally being a dick and follows up on with’ I know I’m an asshole, but at the least I’m honest, right?

It’s a tie between the guy that would tell me storeys of generally being a dick and following up with’ I know I’m an asshole, but at least I’m honest, right ?’ and the guy that told me the story of how he drove the only girl out of his WoW guild by going everyone to refer to her as a talking vagina( but she totally deserved it because she had a high-pitched expres ).

25. He revved his instrument and proceeded to take a sharp turn too fast and trenched his bike.

I was walking with got a couple of my girlfriends when a guy on a motorcycle transferred us. As he drove by, he revved his locomotive and proceeded to take a sharp turn too fast and trenched his bike.

He took off his helmet as he countenanced up and touched himself off, picked up his motorcycle, then he put his helmet back on. Merely he tried to set his helmet on downward at first.

My friends and I are not mean-spirited, this is why we managed to keep a straight face until he drove away, then we tittered our fannies off. Poor guy.

26. He came by every day to ask if I was’ legal’ yet.

I was 14 and working at a coffee stand on an infantry basi. A soldier came in and started making on me , not realizing how age-old I was. I told him my age and expected that he would give me an awkward apology and walk away … Instead, he told me that I was lying. It took some of my regulars coming in and persuading him that I was really 14. Instead of awkwardly rationalizing and “re going away”, he came by every day be interested to know whether I was’ legal’ yet.

Let me say to you , nothing says flattering quite like a creepy older guy who plans to mostly stalk you at work for the next four years until you transform 18…

27. He texted me every hour or so every day for almost a month.

He texted me every hour or so every day for almost a month, then asked me out over text. When I rejected he said something along the lines of,’ Well it doesn’t have to be a” year date ,” we could go as sidekicks and see if anything happens. Assure, I can be accommodating !’

-.-

After another month of this I made a Google expression history and told him I changed my number. It’s been almost 3 years and I get texts/ phone calls on that number.

Anyways he terminated up dating your best friend, flirted with me perpetually, cheated on her with multiple daughters( not me ), the two is broken, he asked me out again, then nearly got arrested for threatening to beat up a few girls. But hey, he’s super adjust!

28. Cue me walking away and trying unsuccessfully not to laugh.

Let me talk to you about Heelys guy!

I’m at my university, waiting for the crosswalk to change, when out of the corner of my seeing I observe this guy marching towards my site from the other side of the intersection. He has a skater helmet on( not clipped, simply kind of hanging there 2cool4safety) and is skidding on, of course, Heelys. He stops about a paw from me and just…stares.

Me: Umm, can I help you?

HG: Yeah, you can stop raping me with your eyes.

Me: alrighty then.

HG: Also you can give me your number.

Me: Yeah, that’s not happening.

At this detail the crosswalk signal changed and I started to walk away. HG, who had just been staring at me( red-eyed, most definitely high out of his attention at noon on a Monday ), then grabs the back of a scooter and is heelying in all the regions of the intersection to follow me . When he gets to the end of the intersection, he tells proceed of the mope( as the motorist is screeching at him) and And he falls on the dirt. And his helmet wheels away because it wasn’t clipped on.

Me: Are you okay?

HG: NO CAUSE YOU REJECTED ME.

Cue me walking away and trying unsuccessfully not to laugh.

29. He fell with an inaudible howl in between the two buildings( about 12 -1 5 hoofs ).

In college, I lived in an apartment building that was extremely close to an old-fashioned original building on the pulley-block where my friend lived. He and I were just sidekicks at the time, but I knew he was interested. I had just been out riding my bike and was moving my bicycle up the steps to the stoop in front of our doorway. There was about a 7-10 paw crack between our slouch and the porch of this old house. Unbeknownst to me, your best friend was( in his thinker) cleverly trying to sneak up on me, Spider-Man style by briskly rushing from the hall to our stoop while I went out my keys. Nonetheless, his project disappeared awry, and he fell with an inaudible cry in between the two buildings( about 12 -1 5 hoofs ). I casually penetrated my suite with my bicycle as usual. Two minutes later, I sounds a whack. I consider my friend, battered knees and joints, seeming preferably sheepish. I’m confused and referred, then he tells me what happened, in front of my roommates( all mutual pals ), and we DIE laughing! Poor guy. Of trend, we bandage him up and give him a beer for his bothers. LOL.

30. Catcalled me every day on my jogging route for a week.

Catcalled me every day on my jogging direction for a few weeks. Creepy as fuck. After the second largest or third daylight, I was like,’ I’m not going to let some lout frighten me away from my favorite road !’ So I remained proceeding, but I outlined the line when he actually tried to search me. Now I go in the complete opposite tendency. Pisses me the fuck off.

I are well aware that forestalling the guy was a bad notion because then he could potentially hurt others, and I repent not doing anything. But given my age, prominence, etc. at the time, I wasn’t in any position to physically fight back without endangering myself. I was also afraid of the person following me dwelling/ harming me even more, so I got the fuck away as soon as I could.

31. A guy had a gazette that was fitted with poems about me, sheets of’ I love you’ written over and over.

A guy had a magazine that was filled with poems about me, pages of’ I love you’ written over and over, storeys in excruciating detail of how we’d waste the rest of “peoples lives” together and he even had described pictures of what our children would look like. Every sheet was dated. This gentleman wrote in it EVERY DAY for a year. I had no hypothesi about it until he gave it to me for my birthday.

32.’ Do you feel bad enough for me to give me your numeral ?’

I was working and this teenager that had been hitting on me all day came back and tried to hop onto the gratuities of his skis.( Using his spars to prop himself up ?) Even though the move was supposed to decline my gasps, he altogether gobble shit the noise was unmistakable. I hear a smack-dab, him conveying his sting and then,’ You didn’t see that, right ?… Do you feel bad enough for me to give me your digit ?’

33. Dude draws out the full-size metal rose that he’s piece and welded by himself and decorated up all fancy.

I was dating a person in first-year university( he was a fair fragment older than me) and I mainly discovered him nights and weekends. He was a metalworker and ran long eras, etc.

Things weren’t moving in the direction I wanted them to be going( read: him accepting me as his real girlfriend/ actually officially dating) it spawned a lot of petty arguments.

I dissolved up breaking up with him and going back to his region the next day to get my nonsense. He croaks,’ Oh, I stimulated you this for Valentine’s Day but hadn’t demonstrated it to you’dude plucks out the full-size metal rose that he’s slashed and welded by himself and coated up all fancy.

The breakup has been the case in

Dude panicked and tried to draw out some nostalgic gesticulate after recognizing I was leaving.

I took the rose and I left. It sits on my desk and I look at it every day.

Spoils of war.

34. He counterfeited having a girlfriend.

Faking having a girlfriend. If anything, it shaped me like him even less( which I didn’t think was possible ).

35. For about 10 minutes. I was expiring of second-hand dishonour for him.

I was at a barroom with some pals and a reasonably decent-looking guy begin to chat me up. He starts to talk to me about how smart he is and how he turned down a scientific master’s orientation at[ nearby university] to work at a biotech startup. Interested, I ask about what the startup does, etc. Just being polite and obligating conversation.

It turns out he works at a clinic that does Alzheimer’s disease evaluations…doing intake paperwork. After unsuccessfully trying to change the subject to spare him embarrassment, he asks me what I know about Alzheimer’s.( Of course) before I answer he steamrolls me to say to me in voluminous( mistaken) detail about the disease. For about 10 instants. I was succumbing of second-hand shame for him. He then finally asks what I do…

I’m approximately halfway through a Ph.D. program in which I analyse molecular mechanisms underlying Alzheimer’s disease.

At this level I ask if he wants to leave. He does.

36. I don’t care how quickly, raucous, or how gaudy your car is, you’re fucking annoying.

Any guy that tried to impress me with the type of automobile they drove. I don’t care how fast, raucous, or how flashy your gondola is, you’re fucking riling .”

37.’ I’ve always wanted to have 4 minors. I have 3 now. I’ve always known you are able to give me# 4.’

I had an old high-school acquaintance find me on Facebook and pm me’ I’ve always wanted to have 4 children. I have 3 now. I’ve always known you are able to give me# 4.’

38. After being told,’ Do not talk to me again’ and the three months of no contact, I’m clearly SUPER into him.

By attacking me with texts nonstop and asking me out in “the worlds largest” ridiculous way. He’d never do anything in person, only make awkward small talk, and the second largest we led our separate behaviors I’d get a text asking me to dinner. After becoming it very clear that I did not want to date him( straight up said,’ I am not very interested in dating you “), he’d is an attempt persuasion me that I was flirting with him all the time.

Oh yeah, because clearly I have no thought what my own intentions are and necessitate someone else to explain them to me.

Even after flat-out telling him,’ I am not interested in dating you ,’ he’d question’ But, like, what does that really signify ?’ Oh gee buddy, I necessitate it actually reverberates open-ended. After about a month of him trying to ask me out and me telling him,’ I AM NOT INTERESTED IN DATING YOU ,’ I told him to stop texting me and to not talk to me in class. And he did, until 3 months later. That’s when I get an essay-long text, telling me I’m perfect and’ not forgery like other girls’ and that he hates everybody but he doesn’t hate me and blah blah blah and aims the verse with ‘[ First Name Last Name ], will you do me the honour of being your lover? Or we are in a position only be friends that’s cool very .’ Because after being told,’ Do not talk to me again’ and 3 months of no contact, I’m clearly SUPER into him.

39. He immediately starts talking about how much money he makes, his life’s indulgences, his recent purchases.

Whenever I gratify a person, go on a date with him or exactly have a conversation with him and he immediately starts talking about how much money he makes, his life’s luxuries, his most recent obtains, etc. that to me, is the saddest most annoying happening that person can do and by no means the right way to impress me.

Guys acting like that tells me two things: 1) You think so ambiguous and so superficially of me, that you think that impresses me; 2) You think so little of yourself and your reputation, that you use materialistic components to try and get girls, and that is a terminated TURNOFF.

40. Librathe LION.

I was at a rail once, and a fellow tried hitting on me by questioning,’ What’s your signal ?’ After chuckling, then feeling bad( because he was completely serious ), I answered the question.

‘I’m a Libra.’

‘Ooohhhhh, the LION !’ he exclaimed.

‘No ….. the Scales ….’ I respond.

‘Ah…I’m often better at this. Sorry ,’ was his reply, as I smile and leave with my drink.

41. He told me he was a Saudi prince and offered me a million dollars to have sex with him.

I was a waitress in a restaurant. A Middle Eastern guy was just telling me he was a Saudi prince and offered me a million dollars to have sex with him. I met this is just creepy-crawly, and likely bullshit, therefore I said no.

I still sometimes be interested to know whether he was telling the truth, because honestly if he was, the answer would’ve been,’ Let’s go.’

42. A guy tried to rap for me.

A guy tried to rap for me. I have nothing against rapping and I like rap music, but it was to HIS OWN previously recorded rap that he put on his iPhone.

No music , good-for-nothing. Just him yelling into his telephone. And he didn’t even know the words !! To his own rap !!!

43. He tried to light-footed two cigarettes at once.

My SO tried to light two cigarettes at once on our second date.

The wind stopped snuffing out the kindle. With two cigarettes still in his mouth he said,’ Affecting you one flop at a time.’

His attempt to impress me didn’t work, but I thought he was cute so I remained him.

We no longer smoke.

44. I told him he was likely to go back to DC.

Told me the only intellect he hadn’t asked me out yet was because I seemed like I had a male back at home taking care of me, asked me out regardless, and when I said no, proceeded to tell me that’ if you were living in DC you’d be all over me. I get hundreds of numbers when I was in DC.’

I told him he was likely to go back to DC.

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