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ckcker · 5 years

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Preparations For a Body That Will Accept Anything

At the 3-story leather bar, I was took with the passing memory of the woman at the suburban street art fair who sold prints of her digital collages which mostly layered closeups of leaves with washed out details of a shiny face or medium shot of a nude body, turned away. “These are all digital collages made with my original images” she explained. A lily pad leaf with holes and computerized discoloration was placed over the muscled ass and lower back of a blonde man with his profile clipped in atmospheric glow filters. I completed the perimeter of her booth, which stood out from the woodworking/practical crafts and cityscape photos on wraparound canvas that dominate these kinds of events. In her space, a nymph-like quality and color palette you might associate with the lives of nymphs predominated, communicating the highest rigor of a paganistic fashion shoot. She turned to a woman approaching her booth and said “these are all digital collages made with my original images.”

The 3-story leather bar had its own approach to nature. Importantly, it was named after an animal, and the animal most critical to the identity of the United States. Conventional urinals were replaced with a long trough, bringing to mind rustic farm life and the day to day experience of domesticated animals. High on the priority list of the men filling the space was the task of infinite looking around. Evaluating a face and body in a swarm of people and occasionally speaking to the face and body evaluated. This was prime nature: silent looking, but not silent in fact as usually a mouth accentuated the other direction of an eye. A man approached me leading with his lit phone, “has anyone ever told you you look like him?,” the image of a famous and often arrested young actor on his screen. “Yes, a few times.” Being spoken to is obviously less interesting than silent looking in a place like this. Humans enjoy staring at animals, at vistas, at trees, I won’t accept they abuse with curiosity alone, ahahaha, nature’s voyeur, “I’m gay” I thought, as an older man attempted to place his hand in my pee stream before it reached the piss trough. Our eyes didn’t meet before I said “no” in the tone of disciplining a pet and jerked my cock away. I did not want his hand in my pee stream and did not even give myself a chance to think about it.

When I was able to observe it, I observed that my neighbor Rob went out a lot. I usually preferred to stay in and experienced going out by not moving and then by watching people move for me. Some part-memorized quote on the longevity of the action movie guided this habit of mine, that action movies remain popular because they convince a viewer’s mind that they themselves are catapulting their bodies then holding a gun sideways, punching a face that deserves it until its new form is noticeable, screaming at an approaching animal villain or rock. The action movie takes our bodies back to a primeval routine of violent exercise and the bodies react by pretending we did something crucial. My experience of watching men reveal both their well-exercised and freely ignored bodies through a sexual broadcast was equivalent to being in the same room as a TV showing the poorly received 9th season of a popular police drama watched by a cousin I hadn’t seen in 6 years, its audio annihilating the interesting chirps of two sparrows outside the window, that I turn and look at directly only once before I decide it’s time to leave the room. But in some cases such broadcasts were enough surreptitious movement for my body to feel a moment free from the control of my memory and mind. I noticed Rob coming back at various times: 2:33, 1:02, 1:35, 4:21, always in the AM, 1:56, 3:22, 3:06, 5:10, 2:09. The men coughed, rotated, considered viewers “weak little faggots who need my cock,” 3:46, 12:47, some laid on their sides for several hours, shirtless but not totally sexual in their presentation, some kinda hesitation in their eyes as if testing the world to see if the world thought them attractive. I felt shanked by what I interpreted as hints of stapled longing in their faces, all of my senses indicated that I was living in the Koyaanisqatsi of porn. Keeping secrets in the era of social media is an aggressive method of remaining unshared. Yet the spills from certain years stay sticky and even sometimes find a way to tower over me. Until they are presented to other people, the gore associated with those lost frenzies remains uncleared, yes, freedom fries mist in freezers past like Chrysippus' ass, who made him laugh to death, mhmm.

Since there had to be an afterimage to the disappearance of an old life, it had to be this: relaxed by the hands off finesse of fate, I lazily controlled myself to decide there wasn’t any other choice but fate. Always available to the world was my face, to just hide it with a mask or veil would only bring more charged glances or wild guesses. To be conceived of as sexy was blood-curdling. I looked up the plastic surgeon with the lowest cumulative online rating, it was Gabe Jenkins and I called the office. After hearing a high octave off-phone grunt, a voice said

“Dr Jenkins office?”

“Hi do you” I experienced a brisk intake, “Do you do all kinds of” here I laughed like I was trying to encourage someone I thought of as insecure after they made a difficult-to-react-to joke during a conversation “plastic surgery?”

“Yes we offer a number of options,” they responded without interest.

My lack of response gave the woman some go ahead to list the procedures, “breast enhancement, fillers, nose reconstruction, face lift, buttocks enhancement, some men like the calf implants, pec implants, jaw reshaping. What are you looking for exactly?”

“I have some — a few ideas. I” I looked at a long strand of black hair that hung from the stationary ceiling fan and was not mine “want to…look like — is it possible to make my face look older? I specifically would like forehead lines and crow’s feet. And if there is a way to get my neck to sag lower than it is now that would be great. I am 27, I would like to look at least 78 if possible, hello?”

The voice had interest in it, “please don’t call here again if you are going to waste our time.”

“I am being very serious. I would like plastic surgery to look older,” and there was silence.

I considered what I could say to make it real. “Please, I would like the procedures done as soon as possible, there is a big gala I will be attending in Singapore next month” but I fear-laughed and the woman exited.

I had no thoughts to live for, and then suddenly in a breakthrough moment I discovered that, after many many months, I had a thought: I should slowly begin to get plastic surgery to look older. Now I needed money to make this happen. Because then my disappearance would appear more accurate. With the jowls of a 92 yr old man I would feel liberated. But that wasn’t enough — I wanted more than anything to reproduce the appearance of a man well over 100. In fact my thought revealed to me that I was a futurist because I would only settle for looking as old as someone whose life expectancy extended to at least 173. I wanted to be old in a way no one had yet even imagined. This would involve a lot of planning, sketching, file-saving and interviewing, and would likely be the type of initiative that lasts an entire life, and I would start with forehead lines. An ease-in for the body and for the eyes of those that recognized me, and achievable with a budget eyebrow pencil for now. Keeping costs down was a second thought that entered exactly behind the first thought that appeared after many months. The eyebrow pencil could also be used for crow’s feet, frown lines, liver spots; but the application of frail sag on my neck, the indistinct recognition of the world suggested by the droop of eyes, the tint play of bald spots under white hair that is shiny and limp, the lowered vocal octave and general bodily slackening were all protruding costs. If I could not formulate, participate in or witness a revolution then I would elect to suffer a much more minor revolution that you might try to call a celebrolution. As, though the actions and voices that built up the center of what we celebrate as a ‘political climate’ had shifted in an obvious external pivot towards a ‘something totally else,’ it still stood despite the panic that the country needed to focus on the opinions and physical movements of celebrities, and actually not ‘despite’ but ‘because of.’ And plastic surgery was often used by celebrities to command and maintain the public’s focus by recreating a version of themselves they believed responsible for their entry point into wealth and unhinged visibility. Since I was not known for anything and in fact could even be summarized as a loser or more accurately lost, and that I could barely string a sentence together and sometimes ate peanut butter sandwiches and then looked at my hands to discover I had actually eaten an entire pen — this meant my use of plastic surgery could be a revolution in my opportunities. That is, the opportunities that trickle down from achieving grotesque notoriety. A celebrolution to solve a chunky lil personal puzzle.

I knew the lines in my palms very well, and so I looked forward to the inevitable submission of lines all over my face because I wanted to know those lines just as well. I wanted to know them as well as I knew the tone of no worries found in the whoosh sound effect that separates two segments of an entertainment news TV show. It became a sound I carried with me everywhere, I’ve looked at birds fly past me and heard the sound, communicating that something is leaving. It gave me a short leak of light, in a moment, and then I could not wait to see what came next. It was a sound I would need as a score for the before/after of my first forehead-aging and chest droop surgery. I can definitely say that I’ve had a bird fly past me before. I simply wanted more free time to formulate a plan for my future appearances, it filled my thoughts all day long. Monetarily I was forsaken, choked out and in need of unbound frondescence. I never stopped thinking I had some level of luck, I had two lamps, but then there was the job which was just about all I could handle, and, full-time-as-part-time to its core, it tossed me about, took time away from my obsessions, and so I repressed and regularly said ‘yes’ to survive. At work there was Rachel, who had been entranced by Tom Hiddleston and who first introduced the word ‘clopening’ to me, and Gifford, whose name I could not disassociate from Gabrielle Giffords, and Steven, whose quick rescuing reaction to an elderly customer’s near dive over an uninhibited bag of packing peanuts resulted in the customer’s maximum level of comfort and safety, considering the stakes. That lack of hesitation in making a decision, and in making the right decision, the most helpful and societally selfless decision, caused me to immediately respect Steven. So when he found the time to comment on something to me, I tried very hard to engage. As he explained to me during a lunch break, “The USA does not exist. The White House does not exist. They are using holograms to deceive everyone. God destroyed Earth by fire. And these demon parasites knew it and fled and hid from God and God’s army. Well, they lost. God rules and is in control. Stop watching media. They are lying to everyone. The media all sold their soul to Illuminati demons and are no more. There is nothing more than demons and clones using holograms to run deception. Better wake up. The Heavenly Bodies are right above your head.” And then he would laugh like he didn’t care if it was true.

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dazombi3fari3 · 4 years

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Hey doll hey!!! How are you doing today? Great I hope. I got up feeling pretty good today. Nose is still running but my sore throat is gone. I didn’t get much sleep last night because I was up coughing a heap but even with that I feel pretty OK today. I got up wanting to play with my Urban Decay Born To Run palette ($49 at Sephora) and I wanted to go a little glam today too so this was the look I came up with. Today ends my scent of the day series as I have run out of new perfumes to share with you…. though I think I may still share with you what scent I am wearing …. I just wont be doing an individual picture and scent note for them since I already have done my whole collection. *NOTE* these pictures don’t do this eye look justice! For 1 it doesn’t look like the orange pop on the outer v is blended in but it truly is and there is this amazingly pretty gradient of colors that isn’t showing up on camera. So let’s jump into today’s scent and Face of the Day ….

Beyonce Heat. My mom actually gave me this perfume. But I did find it on Amazon for $12.50 for a 3.4 fluid ounce bottle. The scent notes are: Red Vanilla Orchid, Magnolia, Neroli, Peach, Honeysuckle, Almond, Musky Cream, Sequoia Wood, Tonka, and Amber. This scent is slightly sweet but heady with musk. It’s a very exotic scent. I have plans on repurchasing this one when I run out because I don’t have anything like this scent in my collection and it’s another scent that I get tons of complements on and questions as to what I am wearing.

Base: I primed my face using Physicians Formula SoftLight Blurring Primer ($15.99 on their website) and I blurred my pores using Tarte Clean Slate Timeless Smoothing Primer ($39 at Sephora). For foundation today I am wearing a combo of 2 squeezes of Pixi by Petra Flawless Beauty Primer ($22 on their website) and 10 pumps L’Oreal Infallible 24-HR Fresh Wear Foundation ($14.99 at Ulta) in the shade 420 True Beige. I lightly color corrected my under eyes using Pixi by Petra Correction Concentrate ($12 at Target and on the Pixi Beauty website) in the shade Brightening Peach. I used 3 dots under each eye of Private Society Coveted Concealer ($22 on their website) in the shade Medium. I set my full face using Laura Mercier Loose Setting Powder ($23 at Sephora) in the shade Translucent. I warmed up my face using BH Cosmetics Brilliance Bronzer ($10 at Ulta) in the shade Bronze Babe. For touch up powder today I am using Physicians Formula Natural Defense Setting the Tone Finishing Powder ($14.99 at Target) in the shade Light.

Eyes: I primed my lids using P.Louise Base ($10 pound sterling/ $12.08 USD on their website… can also be found on the Morphie website for $15) in the shade Rumour 0.5 and today I chose not to set the base. For today’s eye look I used the Urban Decay Born To Run palette ($49 at Sephora). For my first transition shade I used the color Weekender (light neutral beige matte). As my second transition and also crease color I used the shade Riff (brown-nude with floating micro-sparkle a light sequin shadow). For my full mobile lid I took went into the shade Accelerate (reddish copper metallic) and then tapped the shade Ignite (rose gold metallic) over the middle 1/3 of the lid for added dimension. For the outer v and outer 1/3 of the mobile lid I used the shade Baja (burnt orange matte). For the lower lash line I created a drop shadow using more of the shade Riff and then I went in and smoked that out using more of the shade Weekender. I then went in closest to the lash line and used more of the shade Baja from the outer end to 2/3 of the way in and then used a combo of the shades Accelerate and Ignite for the remaining 1/3 of the lash line. I tight lined both my upper and lower lash line using Pixi by Petra Endless Silky Pen ($12 at Target and on the Pixi website) in the shade Black Caviar (a deep rich brown). I highlighted the inner corners using the shade Blaze (light peach with pink shift metallic). I set my brows using Maybelline Great Lash Mascara ($6.99 at Ulta but I purchased mine from Amazon) in clear and then filled in my brows using Milani Stay Put Brow Color ($8.49 at Ulta) in the shade 05 Dark Brown. I carved out my brow line using the BH Studio Pro Brow Highlighter ($5 on their website) on the matte sides and set the brow line using L’Oreal 24-HR Infallible Eyeshadow ($7.99 at Walmart) in the shade 899 Endless Pearl (a creamy vanilla matte). I popped on a pair of Profusion Beauty 3D Faux Mink Lashes ($7 for pack of 5 on their website) in the style Big Tease and coated my upper and lower lashes with L’Oreal Voluminous Carbon Black Mascara ($8.99 at Ulta).

Cheeks and Lips: My blush today is Tarte 12-HR Amazonian Clay Blush ($29 at Ulta and Sephora) in the shade Captivating (bright peach matte). I highlighted my Cupid’s Bow, tops of the cheeks, bridge of the nose, center of my chin, and high points of the brows using ColourPop Disney Designer Collection (a very warm toned light gold metallic finished) A Smile and a Song (was limited edition and no longer sold). I lined my lips using ColourPop Lippie Pencil ($6 on their website) in the shade Chi Chi (bright true orange) and filled in the lips using ColourPop Lippie Stix ($7 on their website) in the shade Chi Chi (bright true orange matte).

Final Thoughts: So I’m still waiting for my Covid-19 test results…. I’m going stir crazy at this point…. I mean I know we are on lock down right now, but if I couldn’t only get my test results back at least I’d be able to get out to go to the super market to food shop with my husband. I’m just so frustrated right now.

The President has signed our country’s Covid-19 Stimulus Package Bill so hopefully within a few weeks we will get some much needed help with our bills. I feel bad because I’ve had to dodge my non-essential bills because we just can’t pay them right now because my husband had to take a pay cut to stay working…. which has had a trickle down effect on our budget (as it has for many of us).

This weekend, to break up the monotony I was thinking of rearranging the furniture of my bedroom and living room. I also keep forgetting that we have a pool table/ping pong table that we could be using because it’s in our lanai so technically we are still sheltering in place.

Well that’s all for now dolls. I hope and pray that you are all in good spirits and in good health. Have a great rest of your day/night. Remember …. Save a spoon for a bit of lipstick.

XOXO

Orange Glam Look Face of the Day Hey doll hey!!! How are you doing today? Great I hope. I got up feeling pretty good today.

#Beauty #ColourPop #Face of the day #Makeup #Tarte #Urban Decay

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