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carryonmywaywardwriters · 4 years

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One Day At A Time - Jensen x Reader

A/N: And there’s part nine! I did some changes, since I didn’t like the original flow. Made it a bit longer. If you’d like to be tagged, please send an ask or message. As always, feedback is incredible. And, I hope you all enjoy <3

PSA: I am NOT a minor friendly blog. If you are below 18, please come back when you’re older. I don’t want to lose my blog because you were too eager to grow up. If I discover you, I WILL block.

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Widower!Jensen. Grief. Minor Character death. Character pregnancy. Mentions of sex.

Word Count: Roughly 2,500

“Spending all my nights alone, waiting for you to call me. You're the only one I want by my side when I fall asleep. Tell me what I'm waiting for,” You sang along to the Brockhampton song as you drove. Taking the long way home as the kids grumbled in the back over who the favorite was. As if such a thing really existed.

It was easier to stay away as the temperatures spiked. Taking the kids out to parks. Out swimming. Anything that'd keep your mind off of the flashes plaguing your mind. Brushing it away as a dream would've been easier if you didn't have to see the way Jensen glanced your way every time you entered a room. Regret shining in the emerald.

A heavy sigh left you you glanced down towards your midsection. Stress. It's just stress.

Your eyes moved back over to the wore out doodle in your passenger seat. He let out a huff for the ages, making your lip twitch upwards. At least there was one creature holding up.

The music paused, drawing your eyes to the screen. Silencing the children more effectively than any scolding could've. Jensen's name dancing tauntingly across it.

“Y/N!” You didn't even get to say a word before his voice crashed over. Frantic rambling followed. So fast you couldn't quite make it out through the worried kids in the back.

Without missing a beat, the phone was pressed to your ears. Taking control of the situation as best as you could, “Jay...I need you to say that, again. But, a little slower, 'kay? What the hell's going on?”

“I came home for lunch. And Icarus...he isn't doing so good. I've got him at the vet...but they...” He couldn't finish the thought. But, you were able to piece it together. The cockapoo wasn't going to pull through.

“What's the address?” You pulled over. Plugging it into the navigation system while Justice Jay took the reins. Trying to quiet the younger two so she could snoop. “I'm ten minutes out, okay? Is anyone there?”

“Ye...yeah, Jared's here.” The way he choked back the words tugged onto your heart strings as you threw the vehicle back in drive. “But...I think...the kids...”

“I get it,” They hadn't gotten to say goodbye to their mother. He wanted to ensure they got to with her dog. It was a small gesture, but it spoke volumes.

A low whimper came across the speaker, “Shhhh...” The heartbreak in the actor's voice was audible. “It's okay, buddy.” Another crack followed, “Y/N...Thank you.”

It was impossible to explain to the kids where you were going without a tear running down your cheek. The little dog was so much more than just a pet. He was another family member leaving. Another piece of Danneel.

All of the excitable energy drained from the vehicle. By the time you arrived, all beings were somber. Jared walked out the door, catching you as you stepped out. “I've got them...he wants to talk to you.”

Unable to muster more than a nod, you blinked away the moisture in your eyes. Stuffing your hands into your pockets, you made your way inside. As soon as the door creaked open, the sweet, dewy scent of roses mixed with the impossible to hide disinfectant.

Your mind drifted back to the hospital. Just after the call had come through. The fear from every member of the family. How Justice's hand had trembled in yours as she asked where her mom was, desperately. As though she'd known before Jensen had pulled himself together enough to update you.

“Can I help you?” A gentle voice shoved away the haunting memory. Your eyes landed on the candle on the desk. Lit by a sign saying a family was loosing a member. Asking for quiet. The receptionist followed your gaze. “Are you with Icarus?” Another, pained nod was all you could manage. “Can I have your name, please?”

“Y/N L/N.” Swallowing tightly, you steeled your back when she nodded for you to go through the door. Directing you to the room numbered. Walking back pushed the pressure deeper on your chest. As soon as the door opened, you were looking at his tear stained cheeks. “Hey-” Your words of comfort were cut short as you were crushed tightly in his arms. It hurt to breathe, but at least you could. A glance towards where Jensen had been sitting let you know that you were too late. “I...I'm sor...sorry.” Tears slid down your cheeks as you clung to him.

His head buried into your neck. Trying to hide away from the world. It was impossible to know how long you two stood there. Allowing the newest wave of grief crash over you. Comforting and taking consolation all at once. Gentle pats and desperate clutching alternating. But, eventually, he pulled back.

You felt him shift. Without thinking you brought your hand to the back of his neck as if to hold him there. But, that didn't prevent him from falling back. You dropped your grip and backed off as common sense returned.

“I, uh...” A shuttering breath left him as he tried to find his bearings. “I knew it was comin'...”

“But, it still hurts.” You finished for him. Turning your eyes away as you wiped your own face clean. “I know.” The tears left your nose plugged. Distorting your voice. A ragged laugh left the both of you at the sound of it.

A knock against the door frame reminded you that you hadn't even had time to close the door. “Sorry to interrupt,” The vet was a kind faced old man. Deep wrinkles around his eyes told a story of a man who'd laughed his way through life. And yet, he was somber as he walked in. Knowing the mood in the room. It was only confirmed when your hand was caught in Jensen's. Needing something to ground him. “I just wanted to check on you...see what you wanted to do.”

“Thank you,” In a moment, Dean Winchester stood in front of you. Stoic when his actor couldn't be. Face pulling up in that tight, pained smile that lined screens across the world. “We, uh...we'd like to bring him home. He's family.” You squeezed tightly in agreement.

“Danneel would've liked that.” It was nothing more than a whisper his way. At the name, your hand was dropped as if he'd been burned. “I, uh...The kids-”

“Shit...yeah.” Jared and them had been temporarily forgotten in the midst of pain. His gaze darted between the dog and you. Trying to go over everything that needed done. “I don't...don't want them to see him...not be him.” He wanted them to have the chance before he was gone. Not completely traumatize them. “You can-”

“They're gonna want you.” Clearing your throat, you stepped back. Giving yourself more space. “I'll...I'll deal with any paper work that needs done. Call Cliff and Mish if you need me to. Let them know what's going on.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, go ahead and take my car.” You shooed him out. Getting your bearings back together before following the vet out. Unable to look back into the room.

It didn't take much. A signature to confirm you were paying for the cremation and covering the exam that deemed him immediately terminal. Pain killers to keep him comfortable. Euthanizing hadn't been necessary. A simple swipe of your credit card ended everything.

Dusk was settling in as you approached Jared, “You didn't have to stay.”

“Yeah...I did.” Jensen's keys dangled from his finger. “Hop in.” With that, he opened the driver's door. You followed suit. Letting him take the lead. Too drained to fight for control of the car. “You okay?”

“Not really,” But, you'd have to be. For the kids. For Jensen. It sounded downright exhausting. “What happened to filming?”

“They knew we weren't coming back tonight.” His brow furrowed as he took in your skin. “You look kinda green.”

“Just the stress.” Your answer for everything. Leaning back against the leather, you closed your eyes. Trying to get a hold on yourself.

The answering grunt let you know that you weren't believed, “You need a night to tap out?”

“Nannies don't get a night to tap out.” But, you wanted it. The space to breathe. All at once, the urge to run was back.

Jared wasn't accepting that answer, “Yeah...they do. I have one, too. Remember?” You didn't respond. A deep, exaggerated sigh left him. “Listen...it's not my place...I know that. But, I worry about you.” Tension seeped into your body at those words. What does he know? “You need a place to crash and take a break? My trailer and apartment are open.” As if he could read your mind, he kept on going. “It's hard to parent full time.” Slowly, you peeped his way. His lips were drawn down in a worried frown.

“Do...do you think I'd be a horrible person if I took that offer, tonight?” It was a coward's move. Yet, the temptation was too great.

“No...No, I don't.” Jared answered. Settling deeper into his seat. “Couch or trailer?”

“Trailer.” Before you got there, you had a moment of clarity. The bright red sign against the darkening sky read like a bad omen. “Wait...Stop here. I need to grab something.”

“At CVS?”

–

“So, what's going on with you?” Gen plopped down onto the couch with in the Ackles home. Visiting Vancouver for her own cameo in the show. After all, what was a final season without Ruby? Fan service at its finest. Not that you minded.

Your fingers trailed over the light rips on the arm rest. The memories flashed again. His grunts above you. Fingers digging into your skin as yours tore at the fabric. Blinking them away, you zeroed back in at the exposed thread. Plucking your nails against it, you answered honestly. “I'm pregnant.”

The kids were in bed. Jensen was filming late. And Jared had their herd. There'd be no better time to spill the beans. At least, that's what you told yourself over the roar in your ears. Your chest ached at the heavy, fast beat of your heart.

“You're...” The actress couldn't even finish her statement. Staring at you in disbelief. Mirroring your reaction as you'd stared at the digital screen.

“That's what the home test said.” The loose thread snapped beneath your nail. Voice deadpan. As if you were talking about the weather rather than a clump of cells that'd turn human if you'd let it. “I have to figure something out. Fast.”

Genevieve was rarely at loss for words. And yet, she couldn't seem to find them. “Are you...how...”

“Sex, I suppose.” Drunken, stupid sex. You shook away the memories that threatened to take over, again. “I can't stay here, Gen.” Couldn't stay in Austin. You'd have to run far away. Voice breaking at the thought, you kept on. “I just...don't want anyone to know.”

It was starting to sink in. The way she sucked in her next breath said as much. “Who's the dad?”

“Doesn't matter.” You weren't going to say it. However, you couldn't stop your lip from quivering. “He...he wouldn't want a baby.” Truth be told you didn't know if you even did. The silent statement lingered between you.

“Y/N...” You hadn't realize your eyes watered. Couldn't felt the lip quiver. Not until she tugged you to her chest. “It's gonna be okay.”

“It was just once.” The bubbly sob wasn't enough to stop the words. Her hands soothed over your back. Attempting to chase away your demons. “I...I thought...I thought it was a dream.” A self-depricating laugh mixed with the pained gasp. “And then I kept seeing...seeing the evidence.” Jensen's scratches. The barbie that'd jammed against your leg. But, nothing had compared to the moment you'd found the strength to peek at the test. “And he...he doesn't even look at me.”

That hadn't been quite true. There'd been looks. Even more since images of you two at the vet had leaked from a nosy vet tech. Somehow worse than ignoring you completely. Ruefulness. Scorn. Dismissal. There was little doubt you were compared to his deceased wife. And found lacking in every manner. The thought of living with that for eighteen years? You'd promised yourself you'd never land in that shadow.

“You're sure?”

“I've never been more sure of anything...I've gotta go.” And yet, you couldn't help but to cling to her. To the life you'd fallen into.

–

“Dad!” Jensen pinched his eyes shut tight. Not quite in the right mindset to see his son. Dean's pain and frustration lingered beneath his surface. Too close to his own for him to quite shake.

Icarus had stirred up everything. When Dee had passed? He could always count on the quiet tap of toe nails to follow him to his room. Huff at his feet until he lifted him into the bed. The dog would curl into his chest. Nuzzling gently. Refusing to let him stay alone. Holding him through his grief. Even as he grew more senile. Weak. It never failed. Instead, all he had left was Oscar's deep sigh from the couch and an overly tired youngster staring up at him.

“Aren't you supposed to be in bed?” The way his son flinched back at the tone cut deep. Hurt lining a face too similar to his own. Full, overly red lips pulled down into a quiver. On the verge of tears. “Sorry, bud.” Rubbing his hand over his hair, he dropped down. “Daddy had...a rough day.”

“You, too?” Big, worried eyes bore into his. Too grown for his own good. Then, his tiny arms wrapped around Jensen's neck. The soft fabric from his t-rex dotted pajamas brushing against him. “I don't like it when Y/N cries. Please don't cry, too.”

“I'm not gonna cry, Zep.”

His son curled his face into his throat. Humming happily at the thought. Jensen ran his hand over the darkened locks. Comforting the boy with ease. Despite the fact he did want to cry. Desperately.

“I don't want Y/N to leave.” The actor froze at those words. His brows snapping back together. “A baby doesn't mean she has to leave, right, daddy?” The young boy had no idea that his father's blood had run cold. “We can keep them both! I'll share my room.”

Every possibility ran through Jensen's mind at the innocent question. Trying to come up with a viable explanation. “Aunt Gen is having the baby, bud-”

“Y/N said it!” He pushed back. Desperate to stand his ground. To make his dad understand just as he had. “I went to go potty, and she said the daddy wouldn't want the baby. So she had to go. But, you could be the daddy! So, she can stay... Right?”

Dean/Jensen: @akshi8278 @screechingartisancashbailiff @woodworthti666 @coldmuffinbanditshoe

Forever: @dean-winchesters-bacon @supernaturalginger @lilulo-12 @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @michaelneedssomemilk @lemondropirwin @fanfictionismydeath @neii3n @surmya1907 @deanwanddamons

ODAAT: @winchester-ofthe-lord @smoothdogsgirl @ima-be-a-mongoose @briagallen @my-proof-is-you @sucker-for-dean @blacktithe7 @thevelvetseries @deanwinchestersmydaddy @sociopathtime @deans-baby-momma @aomi-nabi @brandinicole911 @demonqueen47 @c-ly-g @bakabozza @socalgem1124 @hillface89 @winchester-fantasies @redwineloves @monkeymcpoopoo @mcshloemer

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