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#and I think it's not that toxic all things considered bc he sees 'manhood' as being primarily about being hard working and protecting other
ineed-to-sleep · 22 days
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Funny how all it takes is a couple of conversations with a cis straight man about gender to make me go "yup I'm definitely not cis"
#listen I adore my stepfather ok but he's got a pretty traditional view of gender#he's very respectful of others and doesn't enforce it on anyone else#and I think it's not that toxic all things considered bc he sees 'manhood' as being primarily about being hard working and protecting other#but it's still very gender essentialist#and he sees a lot of things as 'man things' and 'woman things'#and talks about skills and roles that are 'men's'#and I'm just like well but I do a lot of those things. but I identify with a lot of the things you describe.#and he tries to go around it like 'ahh well but you have personal history with that' etc etc#we get along really well tho we don't fight or anything but it's interesting to me#it makes me realize just how much I'm outside of the binary in the eyes of cis people#and how much 'trying to be a man' or 'trying to be a woman' are things that hold no emotional meaning to me(personally)#I could not care less what makes me masculine or feminine or if either of those labels are revoked for some reason#taking on the label of woman or man feels like a burden to me bc it always comes with a set of expectations#I just wanna be me yk. I just want people to see me through the lens of 'this is a person'#'this is what this person likes. this is how this person behaves'#I just wanna turn off gender. can I do that? like just flip a switch and no one perceives me as anything anymore#in a perfect world maybe#sleep.txt#I honestly still don't fully understand how I feel about gender but. I know that I don't like being put into a box#the box is Evil.
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pinkpruneclodwolf · 2 years
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*Smashes through your door* HELLO I AM BACK CONTINUING THIS INFO DUMP BUT THIS TIME WITH EPEL APPLE BOYYYYYYYYY
Beginning with Epel---because dear christ you opening up the biblical imagery flooded a lot of ideas in my mind so please bear with me bc this is going to be long as shit---Okay so starting with his name Epel. It basically translates into "apple" the apple in christian/cathlolic mythology is often associated with the fruit eve had bitten down. Your previous reply to my other ask already elaborated on this but basically the apple was deemed an "evil fruit" because of it which fits because his appearance is unassuming but very pretty looking (like an apple), Epel goes to a school for villain's and he's in the dorm of the evil queen who specialized in potions (the apple having cyanide is a nudge to this too). The apple being a sign of manhood fits with him as well because while Epel still isn't what you consider a "man" its actually his whole character arc when you think about it. His toxic views on what it means to be a man "poisons" him and ends up just stunting him until he eats the right "apple" instead making him grow into an actual "man" and a person as well. The thing about the golden apples and it meaning immortality might play into what his role in the whole story is as well. Epel is already playing a MAJOR role in chapter 6 which is heavily influenced by greek mythology and ties in with heavy themes of death and revival (ortho) maybe he'll actually be the key to granting ortho the life he needs? (henceforth immortality) maybe he'll even develop his UM and grow a bond with ortho too in that chapter but who knows we'll just see... Yana please update the main story already im begging on my hands and knees please.
His last name being Felmier which means farmer (or tenant farmer but you know what? don't sweat the details) your thing about him being "the second Adam" fucking slaps bc we all know Adam was the first human but did you know that he was the garden of Eden's "Gardener"? (he named the animals, plants, etc. and it was implied that he tended to them too) and a gardener is sort of a farmer too. We all know that he belongs to family of farmers and is a farmer but there's actually a lot of meaning to that as well. Him being a farmer links directly back to Epel's character arc and growth. Farmer's are known to take care of their stock. The stock Epel's family takes care of are apples which is ironic when you think about it because epel actually doesn't take care of himself. He constantly tries to be this "ideal guy" that he ends up poisoning his apples (himself) in the process. Unless he starts re-evaluating how he handles his crops (himself) he can never have the crops (guy) he NEEDS not/and WANTS (to be). On the other hand him being the farmer could also directly link to his role in chapter 8. In the bible god was said to have sowed "seeds" within his people the seed was the holy spirit i think but i dont remember anymore and the holy spirit was, essentially the guardian spirit of the people that allowed/guided them to do good/ god's will. We can already see this already happening in chapter 6 where he comforts/pushes Yuu. Even in chapter 5 where he plants seeds of doubts within the mob's mind about should we really hurt this guy? and even in the current event with him and his hometown where he plants seeds of determination within sebek to make malleus and lilia proud.
Epel could easily be the moral boost for the cast during the fight with OB! Grim---the emotional support they need because when you think about it OB! Grim is OP as hell and the fight with him would be long as fuck. A long fight can often times be discouraging and tiring for everyone, especially when the person whose supposed to be the moral supporter (Yuu) is now missing in the fray. Epel stepping into this role would be a nice way to show his change because Epel is always, always desperate to be an attacker not a defender, but thats just not who he is. He's a farmer and farmer's are not fighters they're caretakers which are similar to prefect's in a way. Him accepting this role would mean that he's accepted himself and therefore is a "true man" now finishing his character growth. (Also him being "the farmer" AKA the citizen of a kingdom (king<--Deuce) fits pretty well, since the people have to often times keep up moral for the others esp if they're supporting and want others to support ther leader-like figure).
But like what do you think? KJSDHJHDS I was going to add Ortho but honestly there's just little to go by with Ortho--for me at least. I honestly don't know how he should be developed as a character (I do have an idea on what his base is--pinocchio, hades, cerberus, megara/hercules but like jhdfkjsdh the details are hard to fucking align) so pls send help because---I do know where to put Ortho in all this---but I don't know how he'll do his said part in this. KJHDFSHKJFD Anyways--peace out and stay healthy as always bestie :heart:
EVERYTIME I OVERLOOK SOMETHING U ALWAYS PICK UP WHERE I LEFT OFF OMGG LIKE I GENUINELY FORGOT EPEL'S LASTNAME DEAR GOOOODDDD.
Epel playing the support role is actually immaculate like that ate up bc my theory is that Epel might develop his UM next and it will have something to do with support (like giving an exceptional power boost to the team, like im talking mega damage) or straight up attack where each hit (bite) landed gives him massive power boosts the same way a farmer having a signature crop and capitalizing off of it.
Tell me why when I was looking up the symbolism of Ortho I came across the meaning of shroud—"a length of cloth or an enveloping garment in which a dead person is wrapped for burial"
Ain't that something especially considering that in ye olde English it was part of a verb that meant "'cover so as to protect’.
We see that Idia and Ortho are very protective of each other, Ortho willing to rally the boys together to save his brother from getting married to a ghost and dying.
Their last name literally tells us all that we need to know honestly—ofc Hades is the God of death but they're so far separated from him that you can't just brush something as substantial as that
I never considered Pinocchio also being his base but the name that Rook calls him "Monsier Doll" makes all the more sense in that context. I can't believe I overlooked that!!!
Lets not even mention that "shroud" also means to cover something up/conceal something. When you check Ortho's wiki some of his information is practically redacted and he only has a small section detailing his trivia and personality.
How much information about Ortho is gonna be released during Chap 6??? YANA TELL US WE SWEAR WE WONT SPILL IT (without a reasonable price)
Idia and Ortho are so close that sometimes one could say they are synonymous with each other bc we doNT KNOW SHIT ABIUT EITHER OF THEM OMG WHAT DOES THE NAME "IDIA" EVEN MEAN YANA GET OVER HERE NOWWWWW.
Like Idia has one personal story to himself wtaf Yana tell us more about i coral blue lipstick no. 5 wearing boyo pls i have a addict—fando—family to feed.
Honestly, Yana is very secretive about Idia and Ortho both to the point that i think she's also hiding something about them from us.
Hmmmm.
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gayregis · 4 years
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which characters are trans this is a scientific inquiry
all of them except vilgefortz and leo bonhart
ok ok jokes, ill go more in depth... some of this is taken from things ive written before but not posted. also for anyone reading this im non bee nary so know that im not trying to describe the experiences of different identities in first-person, i’m basing this off of both my own and my friends’ experiences... none of this is “OMG YES CHARACTER ANGST >:))” but rather depicting personal struggles in fictional characters, so just know that  the more difficult subjects that may be covered are not there just to see the character in pain, but rather to think about their eventual resilience against it and development afterwards
for geralt and yennefer i have more specific reasons why i think being transgender actually fits with their canonical characters & related story arcs, and then for the rest i have headcanons and maybe some reasoning but not a lot.
geralt: geralt already represents how a struggle with toxic masculinity and expectations of masculinity can influence one who wants to be seen as masculine to deny and bury their emotions. him being trans develops upon the aspect of his struggle with emotions, ive seen my friends who are transmasculine / myself when i used to ID as transmasculine struggle with showing emotions bc of feeling like you’re going to be misgendered if you shed a single tear. in canon, we already learn that kaer morhen has a bit of a macho culture (just fyi eskel and lambert and coen are trans too now, don’t go getting any idea that those guys are cis) and i believe that the “witchers have no emotions” thing is like 5% actual biology and 95% being raised to fight and not to feel. vesemir is a good father but he just wasn’t very emotionally nurturing, it’s the caste’s way of raising kids that geralt breaks out of.
i think geralt’s self-image also speaks a lot to the feelings of harsh internal transphobia. he constantly others himself from others and feels like people view him as different, which is metaphorical for any marginalized group under the sun, but also is very common for lgbt ppl. again this is smth ive really struggled with within the past few years so im just projecting/know what it feels like and feel that how geralt sees himself in canon is similar to a view suffering from internalized transphobia.
geralt's character already redefines manhood because he has to learn what it means to be a good father. and i think him being trans would be representative of his constant learning and growth as a person, yet also somewhat involved with his self loathing and feeling like just Him Existing is an affront ... but of course he unlearns this with time and love from others and all of his character development
yennefer: yennefer’s whole backstory revolves around defining who she is and defying the people who mistreated her and told her she was nothing. canonically yennefer of vengerberg is the story of the successful self-made woman... her life as janka she would rather forget, no one calls her by that name, and no one ever would because its not who she is nor who i think she ever was. 
shes incredibly strong-willed and knows what she wanted from life but some things are terrifying to reach out for, like love and acceptance. yennefer has a conflict with love and being loved because that was never a safe topic for her ... (also sapkowski handled this specifically poorly imo, but:) yennefer canonically struggles with being loved for who she is. i think she deals so much with her previous abuse and again, expectations from parents, and coming to terms with the fact that she survived it all. also this isnt even touching upon her arc regarding motherhood. wanting to give a child your everything and everything that you never had... the love and kindness that no one gave you...
ciri: ciri hesitated to ever identify with “girl” or “boy,” she’s also i think the representation of childhood in general, she’s naturally curious about gender presentation as she ages and just never really cares to commit to gender. i think she’d say she was a girl but only reluctantly bc she just doesn’t care much.
dandelion: [from his TV Tropes page:]
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he’s an artist and a musician, he’s not gonna be cishet...
ok in a more serious context i think he’s a nonbinary guy, i think him being trans might explain why he has way more friendships than relationships with family members. dandelion, like yennefer, is also someone that had to define who he was for himself, i mean for one his stage persona of dandelion is entirely an artist’s creation/hyperbole of himself, i think he also had to think abt his inner identity too
his gender is also just “your friend that comes to your house and eats all ur chips and drinks all ur beer and passes out on top of you on the couch”
milva: ok unfortunately i currently think milva is the token non-trans friend (she’s nonbinary just doesnt think of herself as trans) but it’s only because her major arc in baptism of fire revolves around her pregnancy and miscarriage and just bc she is not trans doesn’t mean she doesn’t go through her own difficult struggling process surrounding her womanhood. she struggles enormously throughout the series and in her backstory with defining herself between two rigid identities: the feminine maria and the cutthroat milva. in her talk with geralt, she reveals how she feels trapped between these two identities and feels like they cannot coexist. i feel like she’s a nonbinary/gender non-conforming butch* lesbian whose struggles with sexuality intersect her struggles with gender and what it means to her to be a gnc woman. also you have to consider that milva was raised in a small village in lower sodden so she understood gender in the very strict roles ascribed to men and women, so she felt like she couldn’t be a woman unless she was this very traditional idea of what a woman is “supposed to be like,” which she’s both been trying to shape herself to be and also running away from simultaneously. she learns to accept herself within the hansa bc they love and support her for who she is, and she doesn’t need to be strictly feminine or masculine to be understood by them
* i know the terms nonbinary and gnc and butch didn’t exist in the 1260s tyvm, i’m just saying this as how i interpret her in a modern context
regis: gender is a human sociological construct so basically don’t ask him unless you’re prepared to listen for 20 minutes. vampires can exist noncorporeally so they can exist without gender, also i hc the telepathic vampiric language is nongendered as it’s a transmission of pure thought, will, and force, so it doesn’t even use any grammar. i also hc that vampires just appear the way they feel in terms of appearance and age (e.g., regis at around 300 when he died still looked 25 bc he was as stupid as a 25 year old, now he’s calmer and understands more, so he looks middle-aged). when chilling out with humans regis will be referred to as a man bc that’s just how he appears but it’s an identity he had to learn about and adopt, not something he was assigned. most vampires look androgynous anyways bc they just feel androgynous, how are you gonna feel a gender when you don’t know what a gender is... if you HAD to understand him with human labels / put it in a modern context (like if i was making an modern real life AU) i’d say he’s a nonbinary trans man. 
cahir: much like geralt i think cahir’s story is one of living up to expectations, but cahir’s actually takes it a step further because his major motivation in his backstory is trying to prove to his mother that he can be a good son that will make her proud and gain honor for the family... he seeks validation from external sources but faces ruin when he learns that war is not the way to prove one’s prowess and skill
angouleme: shes trans and i simply say so bc shes very cool and funny and i dont think a cis person could be this cool and funny. also i think the story of a runaway teen who was abandoned by her biological family and found solace in a new family is both very good and featured in a lot of trans ppl’s narratives. she kind of exudes this “im finally at a point in my life where i’m safe and cared for, i can start HRT now, let’s gooOOoooOOooo” energy. 
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