#and as we all know peter parker canonically has a fat ass

[whimsicalethnographies]

My Thoughts on Endgame

Major spoilers and a TL;DR on how it all collapsed under its own wibbly wobbly timey wimey logic

So, to start, it was fine.  Like, it was just fine.  There were parts I liked, parts I hated, parts I refuse to except as canon (and may not have to), and parts that just didn’t make any damn sense.

And at the bottom of it all, is how the movie was “a gift to the fans” and, while unspoken, a swan song.  The fan service was TOO heavy, and it really felt as though they thought of their fanservice moments, and then built the story around those, rather than building a story and finding fanservice moments to sneak in.

Ok, things I liked:

There were genuinely funny moments, most of which didn’t feel smushed in.  Nobody likes the stairs Hulk, and I’m glad that Steve has accepted that sometimes his Cap lines are a little Too Much.

While I hated the death, I do like that Tony Stark is literally the messiah of the universe.  He didn’t owe anybody anything anymore, but he still took the step and made the sacrifice to protect his wife and his reality and his children.  Plural.

I did like Tony being done, wanting out, yelling at the group.  He was at his end and couldn’t do it anymore, and while there are legit discussions to have about CW--I think they were both wrong in a way--but the fact is he was right about the greater threat and nobody believed him.

I can’t believe a dorky photo of Peter Parker looking like a fish and messing up bunny ears and Tony Stark not smiling saved the universe.

Tom Holland is gonna win an Oscar some day.  I knew what happened going in--I HATE not knowing--so while I got teary during several points, I started blubbering when he said, “we won, Mr. Stark.  Mr. Stark, we won.  You did it, sir.”

RDJ should win an Oscar for this.  There were moments that were OOC but he still put everything into it.  Him, Nat, and Peter were really the only ones I *felt* in this movie.  

Their reunion hug--Peter coming back and being Purely Peter, and Tony looking at him, like oh my god, he’s exactly the same and I can’t believe he’s rambling like this I missed him so much.”

“Activate Instant Kill!”  Oh, my sweet baby boy Peter.  You kept the gauntlet safer than longer than anyone.

Tony Stark has been my Pretend Superhero Dad since I first saw Iron Man in 2008 in a dollar theater while munching on a sneaked-in Whopper.  He is Iron Dad, both to Morgan and his Spider-son and he took an extra step, one he didn’t have to do, to make sure they both made it ok.

Also, and I love Carol, but Thanos yeeted her the fuck off the field with the power stone.  Tony Stark withstood the power stone using his nanotech shield on Titan.  Most Powerful Avenger.

Scott is a joy.  

Cap and Mjolnir was an okay scene I enjoyed, but it was a prime example of writing the story around fanservice.  Yeah, it was fun, but it was better to imagine he couldn’t fully lift it in AoU because he knew about Bucky and the Starks, so he wasn’t fully worthy.

Now, the things I *didn’t* like:

How did Carol find the Benetar?  And how did she get it back?!  Like, I know because she’s the embodiment of the Space Stone she technically has omnipresence and/or is capable of light speed, but does that extend to other objects?  Wouldn’t it have torn the Benetar apart?  

The time jump was *off.*  And I have a hard time believing Tony would have just moved on like that.  I think he would have tried, but it was too easy, considering.

The strange mismatch between desolation--NYC, arguably the most important city in the world, is a ghost town, while other places are fine?  More on infrastructure problems later.

Hulk dabbing.  Come on.  Was that a joke on Bruce being old and out of touch, or are people still dabbing in 2023?

Thor.  Oh Thor.  His PTSD was treated as a joke--save his convo with Frigga--and it sucked, especially since they did so well with Tony’s PTSD.  That’s the writers, who we all know have had their noses up Cap’s butt since forever.

The fact that it’s implied Pepper knew Tony wasn’t really happy when he went to talk to her about solving time travel.  That he wasn’t settled, that this still weighed on him, even when it was hopeless.  Why’d she let him build that life then?  

“You can rest now.”  Yeah, ok.  Suffer so much, finally get what you want in your grasp, then your reward is death.  See above.  It cheapens his sacrifice because it’s implied he was never fully immersed and happy with his life.

Nat got done dirty.  I wasn’t ok with it.  I know it was supposed to be the final, “erase the red in her ledger” moment but why?  Like Tony, she already had. 

The infrastructure issues.  The universe was halfed, then doubled, five years apart.  Even if we accept that all of Peter’s friends and Flash were snapped, still doesn’t fly.  See below for a possible out.

Cap.  Oh Cap.  My guy is dead but at least he’s The Hero.  But they ruined Cap’s character.  I don’t for a second believe he’d just sit and hide with Peggy.  And they discussed heavily what happens when you subtract something from a timeline, and the splits, but what happens when you ADD something?  I know the implication is that he was always Peggy’s husband, but it still doesn’t work, for the timelines stuff AND his character.  And who’d he steal the shield from?  He took something!  And I don’t for a single second believe he went to Vormir.  Nope.   This was Steggy fanfic.  And I don’t honestly care, but the fact is that he’s been working on moving FORWARD.  A man out of his time trying to find himself.  He literally took a step backwards.

Ok, adding on to that, the timey wimey nonsense.  The movie spent SO MUCH TIME explaining the logic of their own rules and then don’t follow them.  Here are some diagrams from my childhood bestie who gets time shit more than I do.

Apparently here is what they were trying.

They seesaw back and forth, but in the end Timeline F is the same as Timeline A, or the one they started from.

BUT, here’s her diagram of what actually happened:

It’s a big fat mess, and if the End Timeline is F, then the timeline where Tony snaps is D, and it got very confusing very fast.  She’s going to type it up for me, but apparently the last third of the movie can’t exist per their own logic, least of all the end, especially because we don’t know exactly what Tony wished for.  Was it the destruction of Thanos?  What happens when you add a past to a future then delete that past?  Where’s that timeline?  What happened with Steve’s stuff?  LOKI? A1 never ended because they literally took it. It’s not there anymore.  Steve stealing the Pym Particles?!  He took something and didn’t put it back. Another branch off.  Did Tony wish, “give me what I need to fix this?”  IF he did that, she posits, he smushed the timelines together to make everything coherent, AND potentially fix the infrastructure issues, so while A Tony’s BODY may have died, which Tony was it?  Did he have a moment in the soul stone, like Thanos?  Is that a requirement?  What did he do/say there?  (Also, just pointing out, never trust a funeral without a body, and the power of the Soul Stone is literally that no death is permanent.  That’s its canonical power!!)

There’s so much mess and I’ll have more when my friend sends along her stuff.  But I have NO problem deleting most of this from my mind, and I already have ideas to fix it, but I’ll leave those stories in the hands of people better able to tell them (I’m looking at you, @iron--spider) because I’m a dialogue bitch myself. 

I told @iron--spider last night I felt adrift, and typing this out I know why.  I’m not mourning, I’m not excited.  I’m devastated by Tony’s death but there’s so many logic holes my brain isn’t even struggling to see a way around it.  I’m livid about Steve, because he went backwards.  Thor’s trauma was played for laughs.  I have no satisfaction because of ALL THE HOLES, and because they literally wrote a story around fanservice--a huge amount of it their own--instead of writing the story and then adding fanservice to it.  

It was fine.  I’ll probably buy it when it’s released, but I don’t need to see it again.  And I’m curious about Far From Home because of the infrastructure but I don’t know if I’ll wait until it’s out on video just because I don’t have any urge to watch Peter Parker mourn another parent.

In the meantime, until the fix-its start rolling in, here’s a ready-made fix-it that Iron--spider wrote last year, to hold us through:  https://archiveofourown.org/works/15183011/chapters/35211239

It was fine.  And so full of holes it doesn’t even cement its own canon, despite what Disney officially decided to put on the big screen.  

“I recognize the council has made a decision, but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision, I’ve elected to ignore it.”

#endgame spoilers #avengers endgame spoilers #get on this best writers #there's so many outs

[numeronubisexualhawkeye]

how to tell what year an avengers fic is from

2012-13: 

everyone lives in stark tower and has their own floor

lotta au’s (teacher, friends, domestic, hogwarts, hunger games etc)

thor talks like op skimmed through no fear shakespeare 

thor REALLY likes pop tarts and coffee

steve never swears

steve doesn’t know what a microwave is

all of natasha’s missions are to seduce men and kill them

if it’s a clintasha fic, the kid’s name is merida or katniss (why did we let this happen)

if it’s a stony fic, it’s peter parker for some inexplicable reason

fury is a big fat meanie

coulson and clint are a thing (how did this happen)

darcy lewis x EVERYBODY

loki talks like op read edgar allan poe while drunk

bruce needs constant supervision

2014: 

low key mention of agents of shield happenings

everyone retcons bucky into their 25 chapter long fics through some very interesting plotting

pepper still isn’t there except being mentioned as being tony’s ex who almost got killed

bruce isn’t there either

stucky....so much....stucky

the three people that wrote actually good sam x steve fics

the 190239735 people who ignored sam in place of stucky

clintasha on the decline 

coulson/barton fics (again HOW did this become a thing)

 natasha and bucky fics

domestic avengers starts phasing out when winter soldier releases

lotta borderline nazi propaganda fics

bucky/rumlow or rumlow/steve abuse fics

clintasha on the rise again after those winter solider set pics (you know the ones)

everyone ignores whatever the hell happened in the dark world

thor is gone but loki isn’t

2015: 

fix it fics

fix it fics

fix it fics

that one person who seriously shipped *****nat

that one person who seriously shipped clint*****

that one person who took nat’s infertility seriously

peitro lived, fuck you joss whedon

vision has zero personality (canon)

robot fuckers who took over for like two weeks after AoU came out

people trying (and failing) to write wanda and pietro as jewish

somebody finds out coulson is alive

sam and rhodey are gone with the wind

broken english when wanda has dialogue 

2016: 

steve and tony were fighting cause they’re bitter exes actually

bucky and tony fighting over steve

sam is magically not there

t’challa gets labeled as an asshole for saying one (1) not nice thing to natasha in the movie

wanda x vision but really low key

age of ultron just didn’t fucking happen

clintasha is obliterated

thor is there but bruce isn’t

everyone who wrote nazi propaganda fics trying to retcon it through some very interesting plotting

tony is peter’s dad now

peter is annoying

2017: 

literally just everything from 2016 until ragnarok came out and everyone started writing grandmaster/loki and thor/hulk fics

valkyrie is non existent 

2018: 

literally just everything from 2016 and 2017

black panther apparently didn’t happen and if it did tony and t’challa are a thing for some fucking reason

fix it fic where loki lives (if y’all don’t let that pale pencil ass bitch DIE)

everyone trying to retcon captain marvel into their fics through some very interesting plotting

2019: 

fix it fics

carol x maria but low key

carol x valkyrie but low key

clintasha on the rise again

fix it fics

literally everything from 2012-13 gets recycled

#k.txt #long post #endgame #i'm reading through a fic blog and a lot of these are from like 2012-14 #and wow....we were all on crack huh?