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#and crashing at my bffs house he got drunk and assaulted me over and over and in my sleep as well
brainjuicey · 6 months
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my mind is so funny for making me relive my worst nightmares and memories everytime I go to sleep
#my uncle is threatening to harm me and my family again but especially me this time for some reason but this time we're making a case#and if it goes to trial ill have to testify even though he hasnt come up to the house and ive never seen the text messages#and i have all my end of year assignments due rn and im dying from stress#and i still havent passed my drivers license its all so#overwhelming#and then i have to go and dream about the christmas i went to visit my bff and ex in germany#and crashing at my bffs house he got drunk and assaulted me over and over and in my sleep as well#and then i went to my exs and we stayed w her family for xmas eve and they were horrible to me and then we broke up that night#and she just cried forever and said i deserved better and i just sat there in bed like how did i even get here totally detached#you invite me to xmas with my family in another country only to realise that you'll never be mentally stable enough to move and be with me#and its been like 7 months since i made that decision and you could've told me something before? but you didn't?#life was good when i was the one making all the sacrifices. right.#life was good when i did all the work. but as soon as you have to enforce your own boundaries its too hard.#do you ever believe someone when they say theyre getting better? and then look like a fool?#every now and then i remember something about that relationship that makes me fucking angry#its all very. art installation i just cant help myself
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prongsmydeer · 5 years
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Ayesha Liveblogs One Tree Hill S1
No matter how many times I watch the pilot I consistently forget that Nathan and Peyton used to date
“Don’t bother showering tonight” is that really your come-on Peyton I will never understand sports
Lmao @ Nathan and Peyton “OTP: Distracted Driving”
“You’re despicable, you know that,” said Dan, a literal future murderer
I’m always so thrown when ppl in shows start drinking at their workplaces like what kind of bold behaviour Whitey you work at a high school
“What are you wasting your time at now?” Nathan ur a terrible boyfriend
“I say that the people who pray here are wasting their time. God doesn’t watch sports” I know Lucas is pretentious as all hell but this is my favourite line in any sports show ever
Karen is such a good mom ahhhhh like she just wants Lucas to be happy and she knows he’ll put other people’s happiness first 
Dan calling Lucas ‘this kid’ like he’s not his wholeass son what a dick
It’s not lost on me that Keith telling Lucas stories about his father means that it’s Lucas’s grandfather Keith Scott is truly the only dad in this show who matters
“So why’d you just tell me all that” because he loves to monologue
“If I could [change the fact that Lucas exists], I would” Dan answer your door I need to send you a very rude telegram
I am in love with Moira Kelly and also I want Karen to punch Dan
The music of this show is really.... transcendent 
Djhfkjhfkjh since Lucas is implied to have like, five friends.... is that crowd of supporters hugging him just a bunch of people who think Nathan is a dick
I admire Lucas for deciding he was gonna put up with all this bullshit to do something he loves
Omg I forgot that Brooke wasn’t in the pilot she’s such a major character
“Nice hands” “Nice legs” Emo flirting in a jock setting lmaooooo
My inner 2007 angst awakens every time I hear Gavin Degraw. He is THAT bitch
“You ever think I might want to talk” Peyton and Nathan’s relationship is truly nothing but blind horniness they have nothing in common at all in this juncture of their lives
“I didn’t invite you to come in, I just asked if you wanted to” Peyton is so weird but I kind of want to marry her. Is this what Lucas feels like
Lucas’s economic status is really part of Brooke’s romance criteria at the age of 17 they teach the bourgeois early huh
Oh my god I cannot BELIEVE Jake recommended Atlas Shrugged to Lucas jhjhgjhgjh the undertones of this basketball show really are about capitalism
HAHAHAH Nathan’s word being “revenge” calm down Sasuke Uchiha
I haven’t said so yet but Haley is so very endearing she’s great
God. Lucas turning around to reveal to Dan that he’s cast away his name. HE is that bitch
Ghjkghjkgh Keith hissing at the rude Boosters mum. Love of my life
“Maybe he’s gay” “No, I think he’s just nice” who writes this dumbass show
“Do you even care that it’s slipping away” maybe it’s because I went away for university but the idea that someone is this deeply invested in their kid’s high school basketball career is. A lot
Nathan simultaneously trying to bother Lucas and pass English while about to fall in love: I can multitask!!!
Update: He also managed to trash Lucas’s favourite basketball court somehow in all his business. He really can multitask!
“If it makes you feel any better I called some woman a bitch the other day” [giggle] I love Karen and Lucas’s relationship
Haley is such a good friend to Lucas and hoo boy Nathan when do you grow a conscience
“You’re both so broody. You could brood together” that’s it, that’s Peyton and Lucas
These emails and VCR references are really dating this show
Nathan is a straight up sociopath in these early eps my god he humiliates Lucas publicly twice at this party and just pops over to Haley like “Hey cutie :) Idk why Lucas is so mad :) I’m rlly nice :)”
Nathan really taking his girlfriend’s car to hit on another woman how much of a crapbag
As soon as I said this he (drunk?) drove her car into a streetlight my god 
Deb and Karen having a nice lesbian coffee shop AU would be a pleasant turn in this show instead of literally anything that happens in either of their narratives
“Why would you even go there” “Because I loved getting dumped on” That is... accurate
“I’ll call you when you’re not so PMS” said Nathan, when his (ex) girlfriend rightfully lambasted him for crashing her car
I take it back Peyton and Nathan do have one thing in common it’s their disregard for traffic laws
HELL YEAH Keith IS your dad Lucas <3 <3 <3 <3 
Whitey talks a lot of shit for someone who advised Dan to abandon Luke 
I had been wondering why Lucas had the Scott name when Dan is such an ephemeral piece of shit and I guess there’s my answer thanks Karen 
Does Haley ever find out about the shit Nathan pulled at the party I feel like these are relevant details in her budding affection
“Dad send you to spy on me? Poison my drink?” This is the second time in two episodes Deb has been accused of being Dan’s spy I wonder if she still considers that a red flag 17 years into marriage
“One of the boys doesn’t have a father” BUUUUURN Dan
Rhkgjhgjkh the last moment of this scene:
Keith: There is enough room in my heart for each of my brother’s mistreated sons even the rude ones Nathan
Nathan, experiencing a split second of paternal love: :O
Ghkjghkjgh the Scott bonding in hatred of Dan continues with Lucas asking Nathan if he too would like to spite Dan:
Lucas: You will be receiving your “I Hate Dan Scott” Club invitation in the mail shortly Nathan, mom, Uncle Keith and I hold meetings biweekly
Nathan: Biweekly as in every two weeks or twice a week 
Lucas: Both! See you on Tuesday
“Does this mean we’re dating” yes it does the mixed CD is emo code
“Good luck with your game” “yeah, you too, Ma” hehehehe
Someone revoke this college medic’s license hoo boy
Ghjghkgh Lucas keeping his money tucked into his boxers what a doofus
I can’t believe Nathan and Lucas’s second big bonding moment is threatening dudes while in their boxers after beating on each other what a brotherly bond lmao
Okay but highkey if ur a lady and ur friends are gonna leave you alone and vulnerable at night get new friends
“I can live without my shirt” Nathan is thirteen shades of petty lmaooo
Dan is such a bad (abusive) father that Nathan literally would prefer to have none at all my god 
“Can I tell you a secret? I pretended too” just get marrrried 
“Thanks for cutting Lucas some slack” talk about accepting the bare minimum Haley kjhgkjhgkj
Brooke is really unbearable in this episode is it any wonder her, Lucas and Peyton’s relationship is as dysfunctional as it will soon become 
Hoo boy the one (1) time Nathan doesn’t do something douchey and he gets blamed for it 
LMAO @ Lucas approaching the one girl at this school with commitment issues with a bold “I wanna be here [in your heart]” hahaha
“Yeah, they can have their world,” said Lucas to Haley, about the two people they would literally go on to marry
The fact that Peyton doesn’t turn off her webcam and just covers it also really speaks to the era
This Gabe dude is really ready to assault a minor like he’s not just a r*pist he’s also a predator double KO 
It is not lost upon me that it looks like one pill has been popped out before so he is also a serial r*pist big fucking yikes
“What, you got a cellphone too, dawg? Things sure have changed” also quite dated hahahaha
They really went out of the way to redeem Brooke not only did she give Nathan and Haley a very very cute date she also saved her friend from being assaulted
“So you don’t have any brothers, do you” jhgkhgkhg Brooke please 
“Why are you only nice to me when we’re alone” a very legitimate question Haley
Nathan’s dating methodology: There’s nothing in life that can’t be solved with make-outs
Deb is really so nice but every time I look at her I think of her drinking a lot and sleeping with Nathan’s friends lmao
Haha that North Carolina sign explains the mild Southern accents 
Aieeeeeeeeeee you kiss that man and follow your dreams Karen
Even if Nathan is still A Lot this season him and Haley are so cute:
Haley, smiling: We can’t do this here right now
Nathan, giggling: We just did
Lucas says more to Dan by constantly leaving with a look of disgust than any words ever could
“My heart’s racing too. That’s what happens when I’m around you. (And on drugs. I’m very unstable Haley.)”
Lucas and Nathan’s very intentional “pressure from your dad” and “you don’t know anything about my dad” bc Lucas will not acknowledge that Senor Crabag Sr. is anything resembling a father bless 
Drunk tattoos with crush’s bff Lucas has decided to make all mistakes at once and I respect it
Poor Keith he is trying his best but Lucas just chose this week to hit his rebellious phase
YESSSSSSSSSS DEB KICK THAT ASS OUT OF THIS HOUSE
“Do you really think that Nathan would choose you over me” uh???? Are you not aware you are... the worst father in town
Brooke you were fully aware of Peyton and Lucas’s vibing and actively pursued him/interfered so you have no moral high ground to be like “:) I’d never choose a boy over my friendship”
Skillz and Mouth accurate “hoo boy don’t look” when ur friends start PDA
“Mom doesn’t want things to get back to normal, she wants them to be better” hell yeah Nathan gaining emotional intelligence
Lucas quit projecting your childhood issues onto Jake he too is a child let him decide how he wants to live Jenny’s 6 months old not like she’s gonna remember lmao
Damn Nathan LET LOOSE on Dan fuck that dude
JGFHJGFJGFJH I forgot Gavin Degraw had a cameo hahahahah
Did Luke.......... break into Jake’s house. His parents work at night how was he able to get into Jake’s coffee table
“You do not have to feel like a third wheel” The pure dumbass energy.... Peyton is literally CRYING do u really think her issue is “third wheel” you KNOW she and Lucas had a thing Brooke???????
Me watching this team form a brotherly bond over their mutual love of basketball: Mayhaps sports are... good 
Hahahaha Lucas threatening Peyton’s dad with a rake is weirdly endearing
“Hey you.” “Hey you, and you,” is a good summary of this seasons Brooke/Lucas/Peyton dynamic lmao
Why is Dan’s head... shaped that away. It is like a bar of soap
“I don’t mind you playing ‘Daddy’ to one of my offspring, but leave the good one alone, will you?” Dan. Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot at midnight and we’ll have words
“The whole Nice Guy thing is wearing kind of thin” foreshadowing for all the dick moves Lucas is about to pull lmao
“He’s got you skipping school now?” “Lucas talk to me when you get your tattoo removed”
Lucas:
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Lucas is such a meddler lmao how many family dynamics is he going to alter
I don’t trust Dan being nice for a minute all he wants is the upper hand with Deb in the inevitable custody battle over Nathan
Props to Nathan and Haley for somehow, some way, being the only normal couple on this show despite their incredibly dubious origins lmao
Scott family dinners are bananas I count four (4) major revelations and they haven’t even revealed that Deb and Dan are separated
Lucas and Peyton are really hitting every fictional couple trope in this ep - road trip, bed sharing, hurt/comfort, truly the YA bases 
“The truth? In this house?” Props to Deb for drama lmao 
Brooke saying ‘I love you’ you’ve been dating for like two episodes but okay kjhgkjhg
I can’t say I understand Nathan’s logic lmao but I guess they have to bring him back to basketball sometime
Wow Lucas zero hesitation on that second kiss lmao u r a mess
This scene is the definition of “that escalated quickly” they go straight to undressing 
HAHAHAH NATHAN BEING SHIRTLESS IN HALEY’S DREAM FOR NO REASON 10/10 TEENAGE ACCURACY
“How do you explain being with me and not her?” “Because with you, I saw a future” that’s Dan code for ‘I’m a gold digger’
You’re literally macking on Peyton in the middle of the hallway while you’re dating the other most popular girl in school Lucas how are you this ridiculous and bold BREAK UP WITH BROOKE U DUMBASS
“So what are we going to do” I’ll tell you what you should do BREAK UP WITH BROOKE
Keith it is still daylight out stop bringing alcohol into this high school you have a drinking problem
“Can’t control love, you know?” THAT’S NOT ADVICE LUCAS BREAK UP WITH BROOKE
I really can’t handle watching Keith and Lucas self-destruct this episode how is Nathan the only Scott in a happy, healthy relationship
“You know that this is... wrong, so that makes it feel... deeper?” Lucas asks, as if he were not entirely in the wrong by carrying on with Peyton (who is not in a relationship) while dating Brooke
“I don’t want to hurt Brooke,” he said, about to start his third secret cheating makeout session of the week
“But then again our spouses aren’t here are they” [Deb opens door] COMEDIC TIMING
Gjjhgkjhg Nathan revealing his messed up intentions with Haley entirely by accident Scotts have no self-control whatsoever it’s their kekkei genkai
Lucas evading responsibility for his romance crimes by literally dying
Hahahah Karen’s confused vibes at Brooke are kind of the highlight of this episode 
How funny would it be if Lucas woke up to Karen scolding him about his tattoo
Hahahaha for such dysfunctional partners Nathan and Peyton are excellent exes 
AHHHHHHHHH LUCAS WAKING UP TO HIS BROTHER... MY HEART
Keith rlly was gonna propose after zero (0) days of dating I’m telling you no self-control is truly the Scott clan kekkei genkai
Ahhhh bless Karen’s compassion 
Dan is literally blackmailing his son into staying in his custody he is in Deb’s words an “abusive son of a bitch”
Fucking finally Lucas ends this sham of a relationship with Brooke
It’s wild that Nathan is the only Scott with a happy and healthy romantic relationship 
Nathan divorcing his parents is a real power move 
I’m glad Haley announced Sheryl Crow’s name because let me tell you I would not have recognized her on sight
“How’s my daughter” Lucas really chooses exclusively to hook up with people who have devastating emotional consequences for his immediate friend group huh
“Funny I didn’t know you were forgiving at all” Lmao Peyton is that really the position you’re going to take after cheating with your best friend’s boyfriend 
All the deodorant product placement lmao ‘this ep sponsored by Secret’ 
All things considered I think Lucas is handling Haley’s constant ditching p well 
Bfhkghghjg Keith buying a new shirt just to go to dinner with Karen stop
OH MY GOD THE EP REALLY WAS SPONSORED BY SECRET IT’S GOT SECRET ON THE CHEER COMPETITION BANNERS AND A LITTLE GIFT BAG RANDOMLY IN ALL THE CHEERLEADER CONFRONTATIONS JKGHKJGH
The comedic timing of “hungover idiots” panning to Karen and Larry kills me
“She used to be this totally original.... Haley” what does this mean????
I don’t think Nathan and Haley are being entirely fair to Lucas bc he was only a dick once she ditched him twice (or thrice?) in one weekend 
This boy toy auction as a concept is so inappropriate on so many levels
“I get Nathan for free” Fhjkfhkfjh Haley pls
God I was so very concerned about whether or not Nathan and Peyton were gonna kiss 
“You’re not a mess, you’re just in love” [Ole Del Paso Girl voice] Why not both?
“She’s nine months old, just in case you forgot” to be fair I assume Nikki gave birth so she would remember that you can’t hold that one over her 
It must take Lucas some mental disconnect to assume Peyton and Nathan are cheating when he also kissed Haley
Fhjfhkjfhjfh Keith fulfilling my fave trope of ‘we are not even dating but how about we get married bc we’ve been repressed in love for years’
“You know I asked your mom to get an abortion,” said Dan, to his literal son
I really can’t figure where this pregnancy storyline is going bc I know Brooke doesn’t have a baby
Nathan and Haley really need to consider oral or smth there’s a middle ground between making out and having vaginal sex
“It all hurts just the same” Brooke really out here trying to say that cheating is in any way equivalent to faking a pregnancy (even if only for a week)
Peyton and Brooke are way more invested in each other than Lucas 
“I got you a high five” Hahahhaa I love Peyton 
Gary like: Wow Nathan it’s humanizing that your father is an abusive dick
“Maybe this is the one that changed him” Lucas joining Dan as the second and only non-Dan member of the Dan Scott Apologism Club
It’s wholly unreasonable that Haley expects her boyfriend not to look at p*rn lmao
I love all this Lucas and Nathan bonding but I hate that it comes at the cost of Dan being near them at all u stay away from those boys u manipulative fuck
Ah the foreshadowing about Peyton changing in front of her webcam finally pays off
I’m no legal expert but I don’t think that taking your daughter out of state will help you in the custody battle in the long term Jake - nor will dropping out of high school
“What do I get out of it” r u 4 real Keith u dont get payment for loving your family
“I’m leaving because I can’t look at you anymore without my heart breaking” I like you Keith but that sounds like a You Problem
This is a fun way to shoot this episode One Tree Hill has such good directing tbh
Nathan discarding the Scott name from his jersey just like Lucas did in ep 2: 
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Haley: Having sex will solve all of my problems Nathan what are you talking about
I remembered that at some point Deb and Keith have sex and I’m glad they fuck things up early bc I could not deal if it was later on
“I’ll miss you too, little brother” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
KJKGHKJHGJHKJHGKJHKJ I CAN’T BELIEVE NATHAN AND HALEY GOT MARRIED JUST TO HAVE SEX THIS IS WHY THEY DON’T LET PEOPLE YOUNGER THAN 18 VOTE
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