#and honestly he and Andrew are just two sides of the same coin as well

[wonkyjaw]

Okay but as horrid as Riko is… if he’d ever been met with an ounce of kindness he would have gotten a redemption arc. The whole point of the Foxes is that people deserve and should receive second, third, fourth, as many chances as they need. I mean, just look at Seth. In a story like that I think it’s a disservice to dismiss the fact that Riko deserved those chances too. He had all the privilege in the world so long as it stayed within his gilded cage. He was just as stuck as Neil and Kevin and Jean. That didn’t give him the right to do what he did, but he had his own abusers and his own neglect and Kevin was likely the only person in his life to ever even try to be nice to him and view him as a person and Kevin is Kevin (meaning if it was not exy, then it likely did not matter). I just think that if Riko was treated with kindness in the face of all his nastiness he might have found his way eventually.

I just see so much of Akito (Fruits Basket) in his character. He was told he was king, pressured to be the best or else, and ignored by the people he craved the attention and love of the most and beneath all that pressure he became cruel and reactive. The only real difference between Riko and Akito is Akito was given that unconditional acceptance and forgiveness (no matter how ‘undeserved’) and was forced to confront how wrong past actions had been. Akito got a redemption arc.

#aftg #fruits basket #this is something I’ve thought about a lot even if not a whole lot of actual writing is being done on my fic #thank you for coming to my Ted talk #and honestly he and Andrew are just two sides of the same coin as well #the only difference is that we get Neil’s unabashedly biased perspective #he likes Andrew and understands why Andrew is doing what he is #he’s protecting family #riko has no family to protect so he pushes all that violence into places that don’t deserve it #Andrew time and time again over reacts and uses excessive force to get what he wants and what HE thinks is best #the only difference is he bottles it up where Riko has no shut off valve and maybe even a shorter fuse #Neil believes in Andrew’s morality and it’s easier for the readers to accept #any other perspective and Andrew is a villian #Riko Moriyama

[tslasvegas]

Episode 8: “On the upside we got the numbers.” - Andrew (who is then voted out by those numbers)

It’s always a sad and unfortunate thing when a player needs to leave a game for personal reasons. I’m wishing Kevin all the best! 

Welp. I don't wanna say that this sucks, but this sucks. My closest ally walked from the game, and I hope he's ok. I really hope everything is ok with him. But now, I'm a green in a world of pinks. What my pink friends don't realize though, is I have a Safety Without Power advantage. Nobody knows about it. So if we lose, they cannibalize themselves, and that will be a sight to see. But I'd like to keep my advantage for as long as possible. But if we lose, that'll be a fun tribal council. I can only hope it's a double tribal. Now this - this is a redemption arc.

If a merge at 13 is next, then we are done! ugh. 

MERGE HAPPENS

We merged!! And I only had to attend a single tribal council in the premerge with 8 eliminations. That’s wild! We’re sitting here in merge with 7 OG Palazzo, 3 OG Bellagio and 3 OG Luxor. If Palazzo sticks together, we’d have the majority whichever way you look at it. However, I don’t imagine that group is going to stick together very long. Joey wants to get myself and Jaiden into single digits. I’d love to help get Jake into single digits as well. And I’d also like to get Livingston to at least 6th place. Honestly a group of that 5 sounds like a pretty good idea, and I might pitch it to Joey later today. And now we’re doing mastermind! A game I love but rarely ever win. I usually come close and I’m hoping this time around I can snag a win and be safe this first tribal. Nothing is scarier than the merge round of the game. Anything at all can happen. There’s still some idols and extra votes floating around, maybe some steal a votes too. There’s also that safety without power and the legacy advantage, which may be able to be played this round? Exciting things are brewing im sure. 

We made the merge!!

So OG Palazzo must be tight. Good thing Steph and Joey are still reaching out. But I don't know if we can build up a resistance with the non-OGPalazzo. I mean, in theory, it can happen. 6 of us, with a steal a vote. But so much has happened voting on opposite sides, I don't know if it is doable. We can try. Better to go out blazing at 13th, than just waiting for your turn to be voted out before F7.

I MADE IT TO MERGE AGAIN... okay I feel good about my surroundings, as well as the people I’m next to. OG Palazzo wants to go all the way to Final 7, but I know that ain’t gonna happen, cause I’m turning on them as fast as humanly possible. I need others to see that I’m a strengthener to their games, and now that its every player for themselves, I think I can grab some allies and make shit happen. I have a Legacy Advantage, and I’m just trying to get to 6.

I’m sad I lost all my chips. On the upside we got the numbers

MERGE BITCH

Ok but for serious I don't have much to say so I'm just going to do an assessment of everyone on the tribe. Andrew - I thought I was gonna like Andrew bc I thought he was c*te then I find out he likes The Sims so there was something easy for us to talk about!! But then... come to find out. He's not really interested in talking I guess. So I'm just going to leave him alone and not carry on a conversation. Ben - WHY is Ben still here. I'm so annoyed. Ben tries so hard to be my ally but I don't trust him that much. Before the merge, he pitched a plan to pool our coins (meaning: I had to send him all of mine) so that I could spin the wheel and avoid going bankrupt. Then he said we're a final two. I was like,,, no thanks. I feel like he's going to blow up his game at some point, but I just gotta pretend better to be on his side. Idk how to do that exactly... Jake - Jake has been THE biggest surprise of the merge to be honest. I actually really like Jake. He's a little "irritating" I guess, but more in the sense that he is just pretty bro-y and that's not my energy. I respect Jake's desire to be great in Tumblr Survivor, we have that in common here. I think right now, Jake and I are as close as you can get to working together without actually being a legitimate alliance. I want to see where this takes us because he's a cool guy and I really feel bad for talking shit about him before the merge. Jeff - Part of me likes Jeff, but part of me views him as the enemy simply because he's part of the "Palazzo 7". I want to try and work on Jeff because maybe he and I see things the same way? I don't think this game is strictly "seven strong" like Joey perpetuates, I'll get to that in a minute though. Anyways, I want to see how things go with Jeff cuz he seems like a cool dude and I'm definitely a meninist and want to be his bitch! Joey - I hate that I'm in a position where I both know Joey is vital for my game right now, but also that I can't stand his strategy. I like him as a person, let's make that very clear for the post-season - I just don't subscribe to his idea that there's a seven person alliance (which btw includes him according to numbers???) running the show. I will definitely feel Joey out some more before I make any decision to attach myself to him fully or throw him to the wolves. John - THREAT. I'm on high alert for John and kinda trying to maintain a safe, social-distancing-approved level of space between us. I think that John is definitely running things at least in one or two circles and I don't want him to turn that target around on me. I also can't let him know that I'm onto him. John is probably playing it where everybody just likes him and includes him in plans, but in the event that he is pulling strings, that's where the issues start. Kailyn - I don't really care for Kailyn anymore tbh. I kinda think Kailyn is playing a good under the radar game and I think it's in a lot of people's benefit to send her off to the jury sooner rather than later. I have no read on who she's close with though so that's the danger. Probably John? But who knows. Keegan - I also am surprised that I like Keegan as much as I do. He seemed a little bit too smart for his own good? But he's actually rather nice. He flops like I do but I think he's a danger if I'm not careful. I'll keep on this guy and hopefully he doesn't target me <3 I'd rather work with Keegan than against him especially now. 

Livingston - WOW I thought I'd like Livingston but goddamn this guy is BORING. Not only does he not message back, but he has nothing interesting to provide to a conversation. If he was the first person to go this round I wouldn't really be upset oop Pat - We talked a lot about drag race. We played an org together and I remember now that Pat was fucking IRRELEVANT so I'm surprised to see this new energy. Who are you and what did you do with the real Pat? Stephanie - I don't really like Stephanie's strategy either, she's just too damn likable and kind of floats on by, I wish she had left last time instead of Rachael because then it's likely Rachael gets the boot soon. But we'll see what happens. I just hope that me voting for her isn't going to kill our relationship and we can work together at some point, at least until she gets voted out. Xavier - I have a hard time reading Xavier. I think I'm calmed down from feeling threatened by him. I trust Xavier enough to not go and screw up a vote again, but does he trust me? Don't really know. I want to work with Xavier at least for a couple votes but I know that he and Ben aren't on good terms and Ben is a vote that I need right now :/ The issue I have with Xavier is that he is positioning himself to kinda be a doormat just doing whatever people want and not necessarily.. taking control of how people look at him I guess. He sticks out for being the "dad" on the tribe and doesn't bring a lot of his own personality to conversation - it's just really basic strategy. I don't know anything about him that I didn't have to go fucking find out about him on his public YouTube. Insert clown emoji here. Anyways, overall I feel okay about my chances on this tribe... So far. I honestly don't see myself playing a winning game right now - BUT it's final thirteen and there is a lot of time to turn that around for myself. I feel good in comparison to my previous Tumblr Survivor seasons because there hasn't been a vote where I've completely made myself stand out like a sore thumb. My head is in a good place to finish out this game strong, just gotta put the pedal to the metal and work shit out. Maybe win a couple challenges! Whatever twists are ahead... I'm not prepared. But I am going to walk away from this season for the better, one way or another. Eight people down, twelve left to go. 

Well, I came close to winning but unfortunately didn't. Kailyn won immunity and we had a twist where we all had to choose between two buttons. Aaaaand Kailyn now has immunity this tribal and next tribal. Lovely. After the challenge, Andrew immediately threw out Jake's name, which was worrying but I think Jeff and I have managed to sway things towards Ben. Which is a little scary, since it's highly possible he has an idol or advantage (though he did play an idol on himself at the Rachael boot. So maybe not?) Now, the question is going to become: how do Livingston and myself navigate these next few tribals with Jake? We need to keep him safe and the target off his back. There's also Joey and Jaiden who I definitely want to keep working with moving forward. I think I'm in a decent spot. I really don't see Jaiden or Jake keeping their mouth shut if my name comes up. I think I've managed to build enough of a bond with them that they won't target me. My concern is definitely Ben being a little sneak, as well as Kailyn and Xavier, who really don't talk at all. John... can also be kinda sneaky and he also has been super quiet. However, when all is said and done, I just want a single digit placement. I don't care what happens before/after that, just please let me get there. 

My first merge in 3 seasons of Tumblr Survivor, finally! It would be awesome if the tyrannical force of pink wasn’t here. Right now I’m practically a sitting duck. I’ve made connections with Jaiden and Joey who I just met, I’m hoping they’d watch my back. Ben and I are great friends from outside the game, we’re called the Jew-O Duo, for obvious reasons. I’m in a duo with Jeff called Jeff Squared, a duo with Pat called The Best Men, a trio with Liv and Keegan (that’s super dangerous cause I know they’re friends), and me John and Xavier are the Luxor Losers. I should feel protected - but I don’t. I need to keep working socially and hope that I can scoot by a couple more rounds. I wanna buddy up with Steph and Kailyn, I have no interest in working with Andrew after he flat out told me he wasn’t turning on Pink. It could be me tonight. We’ll just have to see.

....five seconds later

No. No no no no no no no. I'm sick of Andrew trying to get me out, and then going after my allies instead. I can't just sit here and let him walk all over me the entire game. He has been wishy washy and fake with me since I met him. I'm not gonna play a game of what ifs, I'm taking a gamble and gonna get his own tribe to flip on him. I've got enough information from Jeff, Pat, and Liv to spin into a lie. I know Andrew said my name - but Jeff and Keegan changed it to Ben, so if I tell Keegan that Andrew blamed him on my name coming up I think I can flip him. I can try to get John, Ben, and Xavier, Keegan can get Liv and Joey, that's 7. If it blows up in my face - Oh well. This is season 99! We're high rolling now.

Had a nice long conversation with Jake this morning. Andrew has been throwing my name under the bus for some reason? Well Andrew, better watch out because I’m driving that bus and swerving it at you. OG Palazzo is... not my favourite. Honestly I’m okay if it dies tonight. Jake, Livingston, Ben, Joey, Jaiden and myself can definitely switch things up. I imagine we can get John and Xavier on board as well, maybe even Kailyn. I was perfectly okay riding the pink wave for a few rounds, but Andrew you just had to go and mess that up. Why? For what reason? Hoping it’s you tonight. xoxo Gossip Girl

I feel good about tribal, rip Andrew I guess, but I'm nervous as hell for some reason that it could be me. It would be perfect because I don't even see it coming... :/

I don't know what happened, but there seems to be a "merging" of tribal lines. Which is good for me. The vote is going Andrew with 9. And the 4 are voting Ben. Or everyone is playing everyone. I am just happy I am not one of the options BUT I was told that Steph and I are being mentioned by people as a tight 2. Well, they're right, but I didn't want that to come out.

Andrew is being his paranoid self. And rightfully so. Unless I’m getting completely bamboozled, the vote should between 7 and 9 votes for Andrew, and between 6 and 4 votes for Ben. Fingers crossed this goes off without a hitch

Okay so premerge wasn’t too hard tbh. Just making friendships with my og palazzo. I just hope that every week people see someone else as less important to their game. I have a long mental game for this and I am prepared to take this game week by week and adjust to everything that comes. I just pray that I make it through this week and even if I lose Andrew I don’t mind tbh because then I have an idol to myself. I’m obsessed with Livingston tbh he’s so funny and I like a good amount of the people I didn’t get a chance to meet premerge so I think there’s good room to move about 

After last tribal I honestly want Ben gone. He’s kind of rude and frustrating. OG Pallazzo has the numbers so in theory we should be set but who knows? 🤷🏼‍♀️

[fireandneurosurgery-blog]

Now That’s What I Call A View || Bobbi and Leo

Bobbi and Leo have a house warming party for Bobbi’s new apartment.

tw marijuana & smut

Bobbi looked at the shelves full of wine before pulling down a bottle of red and a bottle of white, “Should we get some vodka or do you think we’ll be okay with just the wine?” She smiled sweetly at Leo and batted her eyelashes playfully. Browsing through the aisles she pulled down some snacks and even considered getting some port. Her parents drank port with their stuffy work friends, and Bobbi was a qualified neurosurgeon, she knew boring and yet her parents friends were still just beyond that. “You can decide, I think you’ll know this best.” She smiled sweetly and pulled out some drachmas. “It is still so weird that everything is done with coins, I miss notes.”

Leo made a gesture to her, asking if she wanted him to take the bottles. “I mean, even if we don’t drink the vodka today, it just means that you have it for a later date.” His taste in alcohol had changed a bit from what he enjoyed in high school to now. He still loved his fruity drinks, but he also enjoyed things like whiskey and wine now. He plucked a nice bottle of vodka out for them, bringing it over to her. “This one is pretty smooth. It’s pretty good.” He laughed,“You’ll get used to it. When I first went into the mortal world, I had no idea why you all used paper money. Paper has no real value behind it.”

Raising an eyebrow gently, Bobbi looked at the bottle of vodka critically before placing it in her basket along with the bottles of wine. Heading over to the cashier, she handed over a stack of drachmas before accepting her alcohol in a paper bag. “Come on, lets get this party started,” she giggled, half dancing out of the shop, elation filling her as she shimmied towards her apartment. She’d never thought that she would feel this happy to see someone and yet at the same time she couldn’t help but feel like she was the luckiest person in the world. New Rome was gorgeous, she was around other people like her, for the first time ever she felt completely safe and to make everything even better she was once more reunited with Leo. Someone who was unquestionably the love of her life. As she slid the keys into her apartment door, she slipped into her sparsely decorated accommodation and pulled down two wine glasses from what she’d already managed to pack. “Red or white first?” she asked playfully.”

Leo laughed as she danced out,“I’ve missed you.” He really had, his chest hurt remembering how much he had missed her. “I’ve missed you and your silly dancing too.” He simply just wanted to hold her hand at that moment, she was so adorable. He wanted to dance with her. He wanted to do anything and everything with her. Leo could spend the rest of his life just watching her dance. He looked over her apartment, and wanted to liven it up automatically. “You need more art on your walls. It’s good for the soul.” He thought it over quickly,”White.”

Her curls bouncing as she danced about, Bobbi spun and smiled brightly at Leo. “I’ve missed you too, I’ve missed having someone to dance for.” Andrew had never really got the dancing. He was sweet but he’d never seen the charm in it. Leo adored everything that she did and she found herself adoring everything that he was. It was just the way that they worked with one another. “Well, it is a good thing that I know a very good artist who can fill my walls up with original works.” She smiled brightly and poured them both glasses of white wine before passing one over to Leo. Shimming over to her record player, she pulled a record down from her collection and placed it on the player. “The Smiths are the best day dancing music that we’ve got available, so think yourself lucky that I’m treating you to the best.”

Leo knew that she had missed him, but still, hearing it out loud made his heart skip a beat. It had only been a little while she was back in his life and he already couldn’t imagine it without her. “With me you will always have someone to dance for.” He promised quietly and with a soft smile. Looked the walls over and nodded. “I think there are a few pieces I have that would look nice with what you have already. If you wanted, you could come by my studio sometime and look for stuff you like.” The idea of having Bobbi own his art was exciting and he wanted her to have the best stuff. He lifted his glass to her a bit,“Let’s toast to you being here, to the Smiths, and to your amazing dance moves.”

Swaying to the sound of Girlfriend in a Comma, Bobbi spun around and ‘accidentally’ bumped into Leo, laying her head against his chest, she took a sip of her wine and enjoyed being enveloped in his presence once more. “Well, you know that I would love to come by and choose everything, but you’d better limit me otherwise you won’t have anything left.” In the good old days she’d spent hours doing work in preparation for college whilst Leo just sat and drew, or painted, or did something. “Let’s toast to the fact that we’re back together, let’s toast to our apartments and to happy accidents.” She clinked her glass against Leo’s and smiled brightly before drinking a large mouthful of wine. She planned on getting quite drunk, not that that was really saying much because she didn’t exactly drink very often.

The feeling of Bobbi’s hand on his chest left him feeling warm in ways he hadn’t in years. She wasn’t a fever dream, every time she touched him it reproved it for him. Leo swayed a bit, sipping his wine, but resisted the urge to join her just yet. He wanted to watch her dance for a bit first. “Take whatever you want. I’ll make more.” He probably shouldn’t promise that considering that he has clients and patrons that wanted their art, but he wanted to give Bobbi everything she deserved. Which was everything. “I’ll drink to that.” He grinned and took a large sip of his wine. “Should I get ready to pour you another glass?” He teased.

Twirling to the music, Bobbi laughed to herself. She’d always been kind of weird. As a kid she had done weird things, pretended to talk to fish, claimed that there was a man with one eye at her school and stuff like that. In high school she’d done her best to repress it, as most teenagers often do. However, she’d never managed to lose it and to this very day she would still enjoy herself in whatever manner she possibly could. “Oh, well I’ll keep you to that promise,” she said with a bright giggle as she finished what was left of her wine, “Well, since you’ve offered I think that it would be downright rude to say no.” She held out her empty glass, doing her best not to sway. She’d never been good at holding her drink, and she was pretty sure that she was tipsy.

There was nothing better than hearing Bobbi’s laughs and giggles. They were quite honestly the brightest sound in the entire world, or at least they were to Leo. In high school he had tried to make her laugh everyday, and suddenly, he was filled with the need to make her laugh everyday she spent in New Rome. “You can have whatever you want from me,” He told her sincerely. “Paintings or anything else.” He hadn’t been able to give himself to her fully when she moved to New York, he couldn’t leave his siblings to his father’s mercy. Now, with her here, he could. He let out a laugh at her swaying,“It looks like I have to catch up with you.” He poured her drink, and took a long sip of his own before topping it off.

Some of her best memories of high school were of being tipsy with Leo, the better ones were of being high with him. “You’ve got weed right?” Bobbi asked playfully before bursting into another fit of giggles and pulling Leo towards her. “Well, right now I want you to dance with me, we can work out the other stuff later, but for now we can dance.” She pulled him close and wrapped her arms around him, holding herself as close to him as she could. She could smell his aftershave and deodorant, she could sense him right there next to her and if she listened carefully with her ear pressed to his chest she was sure that she could hear his heartbeat.” Placing her wine glass on the side, she smiled and hummed quietly along to the melody of the song.

Leo let out a laugh,“Of course, I have weed. I always have weed.” That wasn’t even a lie. Ever since he had been introduced to it, he had it on him pretty constantly. He didn’t get high everyday, though he was certainly a stoner. Leo just appreciated the feeling of being both high and sober. “Do you want to smoke?” He asked, before she wrapped her arms around him. He held her as close as he could, savoring the feeling of her being right there. “Then we can dance. We can dance as long as you want to dance.” He pressed a kiss into her hair, then pressed his cheek against the top of her head, savoring the sweet moment they were having.

Maybe it wasn’t something he shouldn’t boast, but having weed on him all the time had come in handy more than once. Leo could never be sure that there wouldn’t be a situation that called for it somewhere. “That was a good time you have to admit,” Bobbi had been his best friend before his girlfriend, so once someone had introduced him to weed, he had to introduce her. Best friends don’t not offer weed to their friends. “Want a joint or are you feeling something else?” Leo usually smoked joints, though he owned a few glass pieces to change it up. It felt like time stopped when she kissed him. He let her lead, his kiss back soft and patient. He didn’t want to push her.

“A very good time,” Bobbi agreed peacefully, finally starting to feel content with her lot in life. Perhaps for the first time in ten years since she had left Leo behind at the airport and flown across the country, “I’m not the expert. You choose.” Hardly true, she had done a good chunk of her doctorate on the use of Marijuana as a pain treatment in cancer patients and other forms of terminal illness. Pulling away from the kiss, she twirled over to the record player and pulled an album by the Cure down, placing it on the spindle, she set the needle and watched it turn. “Have you got a balcony too?” she asked looking at the small patio that jutted off of the side of her building.

Leo smiled at the memory, it was easily one of his favorites. Most of his favorite memories included the woman who was in his arms at that moment. She had brought a brightness in his life he hadn’t even realize he was missing. “I have rolling paper with me, so might as well just do a joint. Just so I don’t have to go to my apartment to grab anything.” He watched her twirl over to the record player with a look of adoration over his face. He’d missed her so much. He vaguely wondered if this is what New York would have been like. “I do. Couldn’t go without it, I wanted to be able sit there and drink my coffee. And smoke, of course.”

Pushing the doors to her balcony open, Bobbi breezed out of the doors and into the open air. The snow kept falling and Bobbi watched it as Leo rolled the joint. It was interesting watching him work. “I feel like I’m in high school all over again,” she replied with a giggle. The look of concentration that took over him as he started rolling was truly something else and she was always impressed by the joints that he rolled for her. As he worked she poured them the last of the white wine and flicked the heater that she kept on her balcony on. It had originally been for something else, but she’d jerry rigged it so she wouldn’t get cold here in the morning, grabbing a stack of blankets she set them on the table along with their wine before wrapping one around herself and slipping onto one of the sofas that was kept out here. “I’ve always wanted one, they’d never have them in New York but this seems to be the city of my dreams, its brought you back to me and its given me a balcony.”

His fingers gently did their work as she watch, his eyebrows furrowed a bit in concentration. Leo let out a little laugh,“Watching me roll right after I got out of practice?” Leo had been a part of both the soccer and lacrosse team, which meant a good majority of his afternoons were spent at practice. He glanced out at the snow with a smile before finishing the joint. “I love it when it snows here. I love the snow.” He handed it to her before pulling a blanket around himself as well. He sat next to her and offered her a lighter. “The perfect mix of things you’d want in a city?” He asked curiously.

Bobbi had spent most of high school doing extra curriculars after school. She swum on the school team, but that was as far as it went in terms of sports. But extra credit was a thing that she was deeply into and they’d always hang out for a bit before returning home once they’d done their various activities. She remembered them sitting underneath the bleachers with a joint, like the world’s greatest cliche. “Those were some of my favourite moments,” she took the lighter off of him delicately and a painted thumb struck the flint several times,” watching the lighter spark and finally ignite, she smirked and nodded, “the perfect balance of perfect and not so perfect.” She looked below her at the dirty snow, it seemed so different to the pure white snow on the rooftops opposite her and yet she couldn’t help but see the beauty in both. Taking a long drag on the joint, she allowed the smoke to fill her lungs before exhaling a cloud from her nose and mouth. She watched it form and float away, a smile drifting across her lips.

On the days Leo didn’t have practice, he was either at art club or in one of the art studio rooms. His teachers saw pretty quickly how talented he was and so he had ended up with a key to the studio space, only after he promised not to use it for anything that wasn’t art. Even though it had been so tempting to drag Bobbi in there with him, Leo respected the studio too much to break that promise. “Do you remember when at the beginning I tried to hide that I was high from Cat and Jax? I’m pretty sure they knew the first time we smoke under those bleachers.” He was their big brother and therefore didn’t want them to know, at least not right away, that he had snuck off with his girlfriend after practices to smoke. Especially on the days he made them late because of it. “It grows on you.” He said softly, looking at his secret home city. He loved it in New Rome, more than any other city he had ever seen. He laughed,“You look like a dragon right now.”

Laughter bubbled out from between her lips and she threw her head back in joy. “Of course I remember. You tried to wear sunglasses even though it was getting dark. I don’t know what was funnier, Jax working out what you’d done or Cat gently hinting at it even though she hadn’t seen whether she was right or not.” Bobbi smiled peacefully, memories like this were what kept her going and she wasn’t willing to give up on a single one of them. She’d never forget high school and there wasn’t a single doubt within her that it was the best time of her life. Throwing her head back she exhaled another thick white cloud of smoke and shrugged nonchalantly. “Well, I’ve always wanted to be a fire breathing lizard, you’re so sweet for saying.” She giggled and passed the joint over to him. “This is nice,” she admitted, watching the snow tumble in front of them.

His shoulder nudged her’s,“To be fair, my eyes were so bloodshot I had to do something. Thank god, I learned to bring eye drops to school with me. Though, it didn’t help that I was laughing at everything they said.” Leo liked to laugh when he was high, though he also liked to laugh when he was sober, so there wasn’t much of a benchmark for the difference in his behavior. He was still relatively functional high, which did him well considering how many times he’s been high in front of his family. He took the joint from her, and took a large hit, blowing smoke rings as he exhaled. He wanted to look cool for her. “I’m glad I finally helped you realize your dream. I’ll have to get you a dragon scale necklace just so the look is complete.” He smiled,“Fun fact, I’ve always wanted to sit in the snow with you.”

Raising an eyebrow gently, Bobbi giggled as the high started to set in. Once upon a time she could match Leo joint for joint, but being so previously busy with work she had never been able to keep up the tourism. “Well, when you smoke as much as we did for your first time ever then your eyes are going to be bloodshot, my brothers had to sneak me in through the back of the house because they realised what had happened straight away. They’ve never let me forget it. Watching him blow smoke rings, she slipped back in her chair and giggled. The entire world was very fluffy and she couldn’t find herself caring. Smiling back to him, Bobbi smiled once more. “I’m glad that you helped me too, I’m just lucky that I’ve got someone like you to help me realise that.” She sat back and raised an eyebrow as she realised what he was saying. “Wait, Dragons are real?!” gobsmacked she slipped back into the chair and found herself smiling at his comment. “That is the sweetest thing I’ve heard all day Leo,” she reached out and slipped her hand into his.

Contrary to popular belief, Leo rarely smoked weed while he was painting. He didn’t like to think that the paints might be mixing with the paint, he worried it would change the composition of the actual paint. However, he did often smoke before or after a painting, as long as he was in the room over and the smoke wouldn’t hit the drying paint. “They saved your ass that day, though I was pretty sure for a while that they were gonna kick mine for getting you high. Your brothers are a bit scary at times.” He had faced monsters and wars, but Bobbi’s family was scarier to him. He had to impress them. He took a long hit, exhaling the smoke slowly, before passing back to her. “I’ll always be there to push you to your full potential,” He teased, but paused trying to word it correctly,“Yeah, but Drakons are the ones you have to worry about.” He mentally added a beastry to his list of needed items for her. He squeezed her hand,“It’s just the truth. I always thought it wouldn’t happen.”

Bobbi had always loved having three older brothers. She wasn’t sure what it was, the five year age difference between her and her youngest brother meant that they had all been much more tolerant with her than most siblings. But their constant protection (whether or not she wanted it) and care for her had always made her feel safe, at least until she discovered that there was a world full of mythological gods, giants, monsters and heroes. Suddenly three linebackers didn’t seem so intimidating. “Yes, I was fortunate that they were so kind with me.” She assumed that it was because they’d all been through their own escapades with weed when they were younger. “I think it actually bought some respect,” she suggested with a smile, “even if they did try and kick your ass.” She had asked them not to, insisting it had been her idea (which was far from the truth but she was responsible for her own actions). Gently taking the joint from him, she took another long drag and allowed the smoke to circle above her. “Well, I’m lucky to have you.” Shifting her legs off the floor and underneath her, Bobbi took a breath and stared into the snow. “As long as Drakons don’t turn up, I think that we can just enjoy this bucket-list-fulfilling moment.

Leo liked Bobbi’s older brothers, and he certainly respected them, but he had always been nervous been around them. He wasn’t exactly the person most people would imagine would be with Bobbi, at least he didn’t think he was. Andrew was someone he imagined with Bobbi, though he knew that was because he was in a field more people found respectful. “I didn’t want to have to pretend to let your brothers beat me up.” He laughed, pretty confident that even as a young teen they wouldn’t have done too much damage. He looked over at her, trying to memorize how she looked. He wanted to paint her like this. “I think we have plenty of time to hit more bucket list moments to come as well.”

“Yes well I pointed out to them that I was more than capable of making my own decisions and it wasn’t as if you exactly forced the smoke down my throat,” Bobbi gave him a dazzling smile and considered what her life would be like if she were to live without Leo. No one had ever seemed to understand why she loved him so much, but she’d known why she’d loved him since the beginning. It was the fierce kindness and selflessness in his eyes. It was the way his beard grew back in when it was shaved off. It was the way that he looked at a canvas as he painted. These were the reasons that she’d never fallen in love with someone other than Leo, and she’d never fallen out of love with him either. Pulling the blanket off of her shoulders, she took a second drag of the joint before crossing the distance between them. Sliding her knees past his hips, she sat on his lap, looking straight into his eyes. Tapping ash off the end of the joint she leaned forward and kissed him. “I’ve missed you so much,” she whispered.

Leo let out a full laugh,”That’s why I love y-“ He fit himself off with a blush, realizing the drinking and the smoking we’re getting to him. “You’ve always been so self assured and you never let other people put their ideas on you.” He glances away from her, feeling tentative about what he just said. He was so scared of forcing her into something she didn’t want. She had kissed him, a few times now, but he worried that it wasn’t love she was looking for. And he was okay with that, as long as he got to hold her. Once she was in his lap, his hand automatically fell to her hips, though once he realized he shifted them up to her waist. In between the kisses, Leo whispered,”I thought about you everyday.”

Looking him straight in the eye, Bobbi face cracked into a wide smile. “I love you too,” she said leaning in and kissing him as smoked streamed out of her nose. “I’ve always known exactly what it was that I wanted,” she replied, decisiveness was never something she’d struggled with. Leaning forward, she pressed her lips against him, her fingers running down his chest and her fingers dancing over his muscular chest and abs. “I missed you everyday that you weren’t with me,” she replied quietly, “I never loved Andrew either,” she whispered, “never in the same way as you. You’ve been my first and only love, I don’t think I’d find someone that I care for as much as you.”

The grin and look of dumbstruck joy he had on his face probably made him look like an idiot. Leo didn’t care if he looked like an idiot, the confirmation of her feelings was something he hadn’t thought he’d get for a while. “If you say that enough times, I might react like I did the last time.” He said lightly, thinking of how he had cried the first time she had said those word to him. The emotion in his throat threatened it anyway. “That’s part of how I fell in love with you. You were unapologetic about what you wanted and it was so refreshing and inspiring.” Bobbi was part of the reason Leo finally admitted he wanted to be an artist as a career path. As her finger re-explored his chest and abs, one hand traced lightly against her side. “I had to stop myself from calling you everyday. You were my biggest what if.” He admitted. Bobbi set Leo on fire in a way no other person had ever had. He kissed her neck softly,“I couldn’t find anyone that was enough like you to date. I was trying to replace you, but you are irreplaceable.”

Smirking gently, Bobbi’s fingers left his chest for a moment to run a finger over his jawline, down his chin and down the center of his stomach. Her finger lingered above the top of his trousers, running over his hips and gently stroking across his waistline. “I hate it when you cry, even if you’re happy when you do it, you’ve got the most perfect face and I hate it when it creases with negative emotions.” She remembered the first time that they had admitted it to one another, she had felt her heart swell with pain as tears trickled down his face and she knew she’d never be happy if he wasn’t. At least not if they were together. “I’ve tried to be patient with you,” she whispered in his ear, “now I need you to take me right here on this balcony or I’ll go back to New York and never come back. If sitting in the snow was one of your life long dreams I can’t imagine what fucking in the snow will be like.”

Focusing on both what Bobbi was saying and what her hands were doing were turning out more difficult than Leo was expecting. She overwhelmed him in a way he had never been before he had met her. It was a wonderful feeling. His thumb rubbed against her side, soothingly. “It’s happy tears I promise. I’m an unfortunately emotional person, was never able to grow out of that.” He couldn’t imagine how he wouldn’t cry on their wedding day, if they got there. Thinking about marrying Bobbi got him emotional in a way he couldn’t explain. He nodded mutely, staring up at the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. “You riding me in the snow is something I have dreamed of.” His hands began to pull off her shirt, lips peppering kisses up her neck.

His fingers were practiced enough to make quick work of her blouse, slipping it off her as soon as he could. Leo loved boobs, Leo loved Bobbi’s boobs, which was probably part of the reason he started calling her Boobi. One of his large hands moved to cup her breast through her bra, as the other snaked behind her to start undoing the clasp. It was pretty clear that Leo was far better at this than he had been in his younger years. It used to take him forever to get her out of her bra. “That we have in common, your passion drove me to do better in the things I love.” Bobbi had always lit something in Leo that no other person could and he was already extremely turned on. Leo closed his eyes at her last sentence and whispered to her,“Bobbi, I need you to get out of your pants right now or I might rip them off of you and I really don’t want to ruin pants that make your ass look that good.”

“I’m glad that I was the one that drove you onto bigger and better things,” Bobbi replied in a tense whisper as Leo began to play and tease her breasts, his fingers leaving her nipples hard and tense as she peppered kisses down Leo’s chest, biting his nipple playfully before slipping off of his lap and pulling her skinny jeans off her slender legs. Honestly buying Jeans that made her ass look good was a real struggle, mainly because she had such a big ass. But these jeans had been selected for that exact reason. Wearing nothing but a black thong and a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, she pulled Leo’s trousers down so that they sat along his ankles before kissing down his chest. Her lips stopped on each of his abs before moving onto the next one, settling above his member before she took it in his mouth, sucking playfully on the end of it as she slowly began to take more of it into her mouth. Pulling away for air she looked up at him and smiled. “I know your more of a boob man than an ass man, but it is nice to know that you appreciate me regardless.”

Leo had a reply on his lips, but he completely forgot what he was even going to say when her teeth teased his nipple. He watched her with heavy lidded eyes and he was sure watching Bobbi taking off her pants was probably the sexiest thing he had ever seen in his life. Well, Bobbi was the sexiest woman he’d ever seen, so it did make sense. “You are the most beautiful woman in the world.” He whispered to her, his voice husky. His eyes closed as her lips touched his abs, savoring the feeling of her plush lips against his skin. His hand gathered as much of her hair as he could, trying to keep it out of her face. He moaned quietly as she took him in her mouth, resisting the urge to push deeper into her. “I think… When it comes to you, I appreciate everything.”

Taking more and more of him in her mouth, Bobbi held as much of his member in her mouth as she could possibly manage before allowing his now throbbing dick to slip out of her mouth. Grasping it with her hand, she leaned forward and kissed Leo, one of her hands taking his and pressing it against her crotch, “You’re only saying that because we’re fucking,” she teased, “or at least we soon will be.” She kissed him again, their lips colliding and snow pouring around them. She was high, she was drunk and she didn’t care. This was something she needed, it was something she’d wanted for so long and now he was here with her she couldn’t get enough of him. “I’m glad that you appreciate everything,” she whispered to him once more, a hand toying with one of her nipples as she kissed him, “because I’ve missed you and your hands so much.”

Leo wasn’t sure what god he pleased enough to be given the opportunity to fuck Bobbi on a balcony while the snow was falling, but he thanked them with every fiber of his being. He grinned when she took his hand and guided it where she wanted. He rubbed against her slowly through her panties, teasing her with how slow he was going. “You’re the most beautiful woman everyday, Boob. Even when you wake up in the morning and your hair’s all messy. Especially then.” Was Leo the type to get really sappy during sex? Yes, he was. He bite her lip, tugging at the delicate skin slightly. He wanted to ask her if she thought of him when she fucked Andrew, but pushed down the possessive side of himself. “What else have you missed about me, baby?” He asked his voice low, as his other hand went to her breast and he began to roll her nipple between his fingers.

Gasping in response to Leo’s touch, Bobbi threw her head back and groaned. His fingers seemed to know exactly the right places to brush, maybe it was just because she hadn’t been intimate with someone that she truly cared for in such a long time that now that she was finally back with Leo everything seemed to be better than it had ever been before. “I’m nowhere near as beautiful as you,” she replied with a smirk before she kissed him passionately, biting his lip gently and leaning forward. “I’ve missed everything,” she moaned, her hand grabbing his member and massaging it, “I need you,” she moaned, guiding him up as she leaned forward, shifting her underwear out the way, she slid him up inside of her and let out a low moan of pleasure as she felt him fill her. “Fuck,” she groaned.

Leo’s head tipped back as she lowered herself onto him, somehow just the pure fact that it was Bobbi made this so much better for him. His thumb moved to her clit, brushing against it as he moved to nibble against her shoulder and collarbone. He rocked his hips slightly, desperate for her to start moving. His other hand squeezed and teased her nipple, hoping to get her to cum before he did. “You missed my cock inside you?” His voice was a low and gravely, far different from his typical. He paused suddenly looking up at Bobbi in a moment of concern,“Wait, Bobbi, are you on birth control?” He was sure she was, but he had to make sure. Her career probably couldn’t afford a kid right now.

Bobbi arched her back in pleasure for a moment as she settled onto Leo’s cock, it sat inside of her for a moment before she began to rock herself back and forth, lifting herself slowly up and down, moving  faster and faster as she slid him further and further inside of her. Holding her thong to one side, she groaned in pleasure as Leo played with her clit. “I’ve missed it so much,” she moaned as another wave of pleasure enveloped her, “I’ve missed your big cock inside me.” She kissed him until he pulled away, the concern in his eyes was what she’d missed. Andrew probably did love her, but she was never sure if it was because of her looks, her job or something else. Leo had loved her before she’d gotten any of those, she’d always known it and that made things seem more genuine. “Don’t worry,” she said, placing a single finger on his lips to shush him, rocking back on his cock she kissed him, “I’m on birth control.”

Leo moved the hand that was previously entertaining her breast to her ass, giving the round cheek a light spank. He groaned into their kiss, the feeling of Bobbi around him absolutely delicious. “Show me how much you missed it, babe. Fuck me like you mean it,” He growled to her, thumb circling her clit faster. As much as he loved Bobbi, and eventually wanted kids, the thought of them right now terrified him. “Oh, thank the gods. I couldn’t handle babies right now,” he was truly thankful that he didn’t have to really worry about a pregnancy scare coming from this. He kissed her back hard as the snow was beginning to be blown a bit into them, landing in both of their hair.

Riding his cock harder and harder, Bobbi was almost breathless from the effort that it took for her to fuck Leo this hard. Her whole body was in a near constant state of pleasure as he simultaneously rubbed her clit and continuously planted his cock against her G spot. Moaning into a kiss Bobbi breathlessly pulled away for a second, her hips still gyrating furiously. “Is that good enough for you baby?” She asked as she moaned, feeling an orgasm come over her, she rode him hard and held him close as she came, kissing him furiously and biting his lip at its peak. “Fuck,” she gasped as she continued to move up and down on his member, “I haven’t been fucked like that before.” She smirked gently as she planted a kiss on his lips.

Bobbi fucking him like this had Leo’s head spinning. He knew the end was in sight, tension building up in his belly. He stared up at her, watching the movement of her tits particularly. He leaned forward instead of answering her, catching a nipple in his mouth. He sucked lightly before swirled his tongue around the peak. Pulling back he placed a kiss against her sternum, breathlessly answering,“Fuck, Bobbi. You’re doing so well.” He keeps his eyes open, though they protested, when Bobbi rode out her orgasm. He wanted to sear into his memory how she looked as she came. “I’m going to cum, baby.” He warned her, his hand shifting to grasp her hips as he groaned again.

As she kept moving, Bobbi couldn’t help the moan that escaped her lips as Leo toyed with her pert nipples. Ecstasy rushing around her body as her orgasm faded, with a moan of pleasure she kissed him and kept moving. “Cum for me baby,” she moaned, “come on, fill me up.” A free hand cupped Leo’s cheek while she kept riding, her hips slamming against his over and over again.

Leo’s hands gripped her hips tighter as she rode him hard, fingertips pressing into her soft flesh. He bite her lip, but let go to let out a moan. He thrusted up, burying himself fully in her as he groaned loudly, his own orgasm hitting him. His eyes shut as he came deep in her, stomach muscles tight. Finally, his body relaxed, hands moving to rub her hips where his fingers pressed in. “Fuck, Bobbi. I don’t think I’ve had sex like that before.” He finally opened his eyes, looking up at her with a sloppy grin. His hands rubbed up her sides,“I missed you riding me.”

#f&gwriting #para #p: leo #marijuana tw #smut tw #sex tw #now that's what i call a view

[esmes]

i’m the biggest nerd for putting this together, but i sorted all the riverdale characters who are on my radar into hogwarts houses (because i possibly want to make a gifset at some point) and i wanna talk about it, so let’s discuss? pretty please? come one, come all.

betty cooper - gryffindor. i was originally going to go with hufflepuff (or even ravenclaw), but she’s got that daring streak in her, that nerve, that idealism, and the ability to stand up for what she believes is right (like in the scene where she stands up to her mom for confronting/threatening archie and ~miss grundy~) that i think makes her a total lion. think neville longbottom. she just keeps her claws sheathed until she absolutely needs to use them.

veronica lodge - honestly, i was going to go for gryffindor (an argument can be made for it - she’s got a daring side to her and is loath to back down from a fight - mostly gryffindor traits), but she also truly goes for what she wants, adapts to her environment easily and with charm, is assertive and self-reliant - all mostly slytherin traits. she’s got a good heart (which slytherins can have, but don’t necessarily always consider an essential asset), but she’s driven and does what has to be done. also, i just love the idea of a slytherin and a gryffindor being best friends. they’re two sides of the same coin as far as i’m concerned.

archie andrews - hufflepuff. he’s hard-working, loyal, just, compassionate, and has a strong sense of morality. i mean, he had an affair with his teacher, which most would consider immoral, but he genuinely believed she was a good person and wanted to protect her, so i don’t think he thought what he was doing was immoral.

jughead jones - ravenclaw. a no brainer.

cheryl blossom - slytherin af. i’m assuming jason would be sorted here as well, but his character is still ~shrouded in mystery~, so i can’t be certain. but i imagine the blossom twins would be slytherin royalty before his death.

josie mccoy - slytherin. cheryl’s partner in crime, in addition to having immense talent and drive. she makes certain that people are worthy of her time before she spends it on them.

alice cooper - slytherin. like potentially just a really intense ravenclaw in pursuit of knowledge and truth, but she has the cunning and conniving thing down pat. she’s ruthless and able to separate what’s sensitive and kind from what she believes needs to be done, which is totally slytherin. and as horrible as she is, she genuinely tries to keep those who are close to her close - slytherins are all about that.

hermione lodge - possibly slytherin. there are a lot of slytherin moms up in this joint. she’s got veronica’s slight gryffindor streak in her too though, so that could be a possibility. her throwing shade at cheryl at the chock’lit shop reminded me a lot of sassy!harry. she’d have a rivalry with penelope blossom for sure.

penelope blossom - definitely slytherin, in the worst way.

reggie mantle - gryffindor. the frattiest of gryffindors. he isn’t totally uncaring, but he definitely lives in the moment, goes for what he wants, and is prone to being a total douche.

fred andrews - ????? hufflepuff???

kevin keller - gryffindor for sure imo. betty’s partner in crime, before veronica comes along.

#riverdale #veronica lodge #betty cooper #cheryl blossom #riverdale cw #i woke up out of a dead ass dead at 5am to write this out #who am i hedwig #what am i

[fakeit-jenna]

THE GREATEST SHOW || 2017

Jenna watched as the purple haired boy sprawled on the living room floor, his chest rising and falling quickly as he tried to catch his breath, with a broad grin on his face.  Her eldest daughter found herself comfortable by his side, the eldest of the Biersack girl’s sprawled across them both. She found herself unable to help her own smile as she settled into the arm of the couch, resting the notebook on her drawn up knees as she rummaged in her bag for a pen. She listened quietly to her friend’s muffled voice as he talked to her husband, finding comfort it the quiet noise from the kitchen. She watched as Dr Hoskin passed the living room door, two mugs held in his hands as he padded quietly back up the stairs to his his girlfriend and newborn. She smiled as a tiny black kitten curled up at her feet, and she lifted the pen to the paper.

I close my eyes and I can see The world that's waiting up for me That I call my own Through the dark, through the door Through where no one's been before But it feels like home

Dear Diary, It’s been seven months since I last talked to you, and what an eventful time it has been. As you know, I found myself back in a hospital, wishing to be with my family and desperately hoping for recovery. Well, during this time, I have added yet another near suicide to my count, as well as a fair few scars, friends, enemies and pills.

One unexpected friendship I’d like to say I made was with a pair of ghosts -who were in fact not ghosts. And have most likely forgotten who I am, so maybe friendship was not the best word to choose. I met these ghosts, I later found out were named Pete and Bee, through a man named Sam. Samuel Wilder – Who again, has most likely forgotten the small friendship we had. In that time, we evaded doctors, broke rules and confided secrets in one and other. I also convinced him I was a mass murderer and a psychopath, and hopefully then corrected that it was not me, and that he should not always fear those who have been given a negative reputation. Maybe I should ask Aaron for his mobile number, I’d love to clear up who the Murderer I was talking about really was. I’d also like to ask if he’s doing okay, in Trenowl, and finally receive an answer about whether he was fucking that doctor.

In that time, I had the amazing chances to finally mert Dallon, Flynn's father, and can admit that he seems sweet and is handsome, so I do hope that he one day finds someone he can love. I have also found admiration for baby Racheal, and Devin. Both children fathered by Andrew, who are not only beautiful but also loved and protected, despite what their lives have already thrown at them. I have also amended my friendships with Andrew, Hayley, and even Doctor Hoskin. It took a few difficulties to realize that Doctor Hoskin was a friend, that he did not infact believe that I was crazy, and instead did want to help me. Although I don’t remember much of that episode, I do remember coming to to find him cuddling me, ensuring that I was okay and explaining to me that I could be helped. In that moment, I realized that I could infact trust Aaron Hoskin – And truthfully, right now I find myself in his living room. In addition to that, I have found friends in his children - understanding that Holly has her reasons for being the way that she is, that Aaron has a reason for being over protective of them, that the youngest may be rude but for reasons unknown and unimaginable, and that two of the boys have made two of my friends the happiest that I have ever seen them.

As for Andrew and Hayley, I discovered that although what they did was unforgivable, that does not mean they deserve the treatment they received. Hayley’s relationship with Siska was most likely going to be destroyed by his addicted lifestyle, or by her love for children and his lack of paternal instinct. So, to take the positive of the negative situation- I’d like to admit that I am glad that she was able to have Racheal- and that she loves her daughter. I do feel sorry for Adam, and I hope that one day, he can recover and find himself back here, enjoying his friendships and his life once more. I don’t know what I’d do if I heard that the worst had happened to the boy.

Andrew. Well. Andy, he’s one that I can never truly bring myself to hate. I love that man, not in the same way that I love Kier, but in a way that would truly take a lot to turn to hatred. Yes, I do detest that fact that he betrayed my friend’s trust, and that he hurt people. But, that does not mean that I would begrudge him for his daughter, or his love for her. Or that I would try to jeopardize or resent his new relationship. He is happy. And for that, I am over the moon. The boy that he found is cute, sweet, and ideal. Awsten Tyler, one of Hoskin twins that none of us knew existed, returned and slowly but surely, they fixed each other. Andy is faithful, and I honestly can believe that he loves that boy more than he is controlled by his mind- well, his… you know what I mean by now. And the young Tyler is no longer using drugs, or seeking out unhealthy relationships with psychopaths – though I’m unsure if either of them know that I know this. I hope that his doubts about marriage do not interfere, because damn they’re a cute couple! and I can proudly inform you that Andy is now a free man, and I expect that he is a changed one too. Though, this brings me to a sorrowful moment to the damage of a once great friendship with said psychopath. I loved Micheal, and defended him despite knowing the truth, yet to see the damage he has done to the Tyler boy was enough to shake the confidence I once had in our friendship. That is not to say I wont continue to speak to him, I will just have to continue with more caution than I once held.

Another amazing discovery, is that of another two Hoskin-Tyler children. The first, Alex Tyler, is not one that I have gotten off on a good foot with, and given today’s drama, he’s not making any amendments to my opinion of him. However, the boy has experienced things that I could never wish on any twenty year old, and I will give him the benefit of the doubt, and believe this is just a consequence of the times. I hope in the new year, I’ll be proven right, and find that he is actually as sweet as I was expecting. Secondly, Young Jessica Belle Hoskin, mothered by Lauren, who has grown to be a good friend of mine, and fathered by The Doc. She is a beautiful baby, loved and cherished by both of her parents - and she makes me want another. So badly, myself and Kier find ourselves wanting and needing another. On top of this news, I’d like to congratulate Hope Tyler and Rowan Ellis on their engagement, although I can’t quite say it is a friendship that we have, I would love to wish them the best. And I am hoping to hear wedding bells for tu3 Doctor and his girl, though i'll never admit that to him.

Of course, I could not review my year without mention of my children. Seren is now one year old, and much like her sister, it has been one hell of a year. She has been separated from her parents, fostered by different faces (luckily all of which I find myself friends with) and I hope that the next year brings better memories. As for Melody-Grace, she is growing so quickly I don’t know where the time has gone. She’s almost three year’s old, which amazes me so unbelievably much. She is talking, and tormenting, and living a happy life like any toddler should. Though, I must mention that unfortunately I do have my fears that she may be becoming too much like her mother, finding herself restless and unable to settle. Aaron assures me she will grow out of this, I just hope that this is true.

As for the future, myself and Kier are hoping for another Kemp to join our clan. Though, that is not to say that we are not perfectly happy with our family as it is. We have our two beautiful girls and the soon to be three years of marriage we are celebrating together each and everyday. We are thankful for it all. This year may have been filled with ups and downs, and I will learn never to utter the words “This will be the best year ever” again, because DAMN was I wrong about that. One day, I’ll apologies to Andy, Ashley and even Dakota for it – I’m sure he believes that I am a jinx.

But I won't let them break me down to dust I know that there's a place for us For we are glorious

I’d like to sign off this year, my 2017, by informing - No- celebrating that I am no longer a resident of Trenowl Institution. I am still receiving medication, still recovering and adjusting, but I have never felt this comfortable in months. I’m finally home, with the people that I love. My own family, that I created myself throughout the darkness we often find ourselves in. Watching and hearing them having fun across this holiday season has filled my heart with such love and joy that I can’t begin to imagine that this is our world, our reality. I have my husband, my daughters and the closest of my friends, a million dreams that once kept me awake for days on end.

Kier and I went to watch a movie last night, at the cinema, for the first time as a couple. It’s strange to think, that after all these years, last night was the first normal thing we’ve done together as a couple, a free couple. I’m not certain whether it was the strange comfort of being there, with Kier as we watched the masterpiece on the screen, or whether it was the music that moved me. But something inside me resonated with the film, and I can’t seem to shake it from my mind.  I’m sure Andrew and Awsten are sick and tired of hearing about it.

The Greatest Showman displays a fabulously moving story, of a circus- The Greatest Show- which is combined of individuals coined ‘Oddities’ and ‘Freaks’, who are unable to find their place in society and are isolated. Yet they find themselves a collective belonging, they create a family. Just like my own.

One man, a normal but ambitious and caring man, pulled them all together and gave them a home, and support. He showed them how well they can function together, and believed in them. Of course, he had his doubts, those moments where he believed that all that they were is a bunch of misfits, but in the end – he provided them with a family, and believed in them. I won’t name the man that he reminded me of, because one day he may read this and ask why I am making a comparison between him and P.T Barnum. This man, The Doctor, is the individual that I am most thankful of for bringing my family together, and helping us to live through everything that has happened- not only in this year but in the past few- since the first day that I met him upon my admittance to Lovelace.

I understand that this sounds absolutely insane, once you consider who this family is. A doctor, his sons and daughters, and his crazy ex- patients. A bunch of misfits, who once found it impossible to pull themselves from the roller coaster of ups and downs life decided to trap us in. One way or another, we all met because we’re just that, ABSOLUTELY INSANE.

I am brave, I am bruised I am who I'm meant to be, this is me Look out 'cause here I come And I'm marching on to the beat I drum I'm not scared to be seen I make no apologies, this is me

Although crazy, I have learned to love the fact that this is my past, my present and my future. That this is who I am. I will never stop having these ups and downs, and I will never be perfectly normal. My Bipolar Disorder will never go away, or be fixed by some medicines or chemicals or talking - but it will make it easier. I will get better, better than I am, than I was. But never, never ever, will I change. Because I now know that this disorder is me, it is a part of me that I can’t hate, because without it- I would never have found the people in my life. I would never have found my family, or my friends, or had my children, or be here, in the Hoskin house, with the newest member of the biersack clan at warming my feet. 

I AM JENNA RACHEAL KEMP, AND I AM WHO I AM. AND I WILL MAKE 2018 MY OWN - I will survive it. No matter what anybody says.

They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy They can say, they can say I've lost my mind I don't care, I don't care, so call me crazy We can live in a world that we design

#.2017. #deardiary #//This was meant to make sense//