#and i worry like hell about em for a bit thinking theyve completely vanished

[bidilfs]

i’m really really really tired of people entering my life, becoming a valued & regular part of it, and then vanishing without a trace. 

#ive had like.. i think 3 people now? just disappear #and i reach out to them and they ignore me #and i worry like hell about em for a bit thinking theyve completely vanished #then eventually i see em changing their username or their icon or whatever and realize that #oh yeah! #they're still here! #they've just made the conscious choice to ignore me and not even explain why #fuck man why do i bother putting effort into people? #i either open up to them too much and i regret it #or they just disappear and leave a gaping wound behind like its nothingff #like do yall not understand that u have a presence in other peoples lives? #that u mean things to people? #or do u just genuinely not give a shit? #i'm so so so so so so so so so tired of having to clean up these messes #it's exhausting. it really is #and it hurts because like #i have to do so much work to just... make the things i love work without them there #like there's a big piece of the puzzle missing and i have to rearrange it all to make up for the gap #and i put it off because i dont WANT to write these people off because i'm a fucking IDIOT who always holds out hope that theyll come back #(even though they never do) #(or if they do they never start giving a shit again) #and it's just painful to go through everything and write them out of it #and it leaves this big tarnished ugly scar all over the things i love #because now i have to make them function with one less friend in them #fuck man. fuck this