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#and im still feeling very much delusional now like why is he not my bf
leejungchans · 11 months
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who in svt: pats your head/smooths your hair down as they happily watch you eat the food they made/brought 😔💔
omg 💔💔💔💔 me when
anyways,,,,,, i see this the most with jeonghan, jun, dk, hao, seungkwan and vernon 🫶🏻 not that the others wouldn’t, but i feel like they’d do sumn else, like gaze at you lovingly with his head in his hands (seungcheol, joshua, hoshi, mingyu, chan) or drop a kiss on the top of your head (woozi, wonwoo)
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Kokichi is dying (V3 chatfic, no particular ship)
TW: Infers abuse, talks about ableism, neglect, panic attack pretty much, depression, self loathing. never being good enough
i am so sorry but vr au's need to be sad, love yall :)
(Background info: This is set in a vr au, they are not with their fake memory parents (Ie; kaito's kind grandparents) but rather why they really have)
(Also i have no fucking clue what ship i was going for???? pretty sure they are all on the table, and kokichi talks like an idiot in this and i love it. Gonta's writing is based off of his Japanese talking style, so no more caveman talking).
USERNAMES:
(Space monkey: Kaito, Detective pikachu: shuichi, Elton john: kaede, Antman: gonta, Mr. Gonstealyoman: korekiyo, Atua's bitch: angie, emoboi: ryoma, be-boop: kiibo, bread roll: Maki, cum dumpster: miu, mommy: kirumi, Gremlin: Kokichi)
TLDR: Chaos ensues, slight angst
Gremlin: omfg im fucking sicK im gonna fucking die i bet this was kaitos bitch ass fault for coughing on me with his tuberculosis headass gROSSSSS I HATE EVERYTHINGGG
Space Monkey: i-
Space monkey: I didn't get you sick dumbass,,,, my tb is fugckin cured bi-
Bread roll: he's dramatic and gross dont believe him
Gremlin: yall mean for what?
Gremlin: i have a life taking disease and yall laughing i- 
Gremlin: see you at my funeral bitch
Detective pikachu: What are you sick with then
Gremlin: anythong bitch, im the universe
Antman: He sounds delusional, thats not good
Detective pikachu: He's always delusional, he's Kokichi
Mr. gonstealyoman: I guess this name is better than my old one
Mr. gonstealyoman: thank you kokichi :) I am glad we have come to an understanding
Gremlin: kay sexy
Gremlin: IGNRE WHAT I JUST SENT
Gremlin: IGNORE IT IGNORE IT IGNORE ITTTTT
Antman: who was that for???
Gremlin: NO ONE,,, 
Gremlin: Okay,,, maybe sexy tall men in general lowkey
Gremlin: okay,,,, maybe anyone over 6 feet 
Detective pikachu: i feel excluded
Detective pikachu: good, i don't like you kokichi, your an ass
Gremlin: u sound jelly shumaiiiiii
be-boop: perhaps he is telling the truth, you know,
be-boop: according to my data, in chapter four Shuichi stated that you will never have friends, and no one will ever like you
Gremlin: SHUT THE FUCK UP STOP MAKING ME FEEL BADBSKVKHDVKDSKJV
Antman: do you need me to come over? I can make you tea?
mommy: Do you know how to do that, Gonta? I can teach you?
Antman: Gonta does know, thank you very much. 
Antman: Gonta is not a child, Tojo-chan, please don't regard me as one
Antman: Gonta can cook, can clean, can be gentle, and has his own mind
Space monkey: but we're just making sure man, cuz, you know,,,, chapter 4
Antman: I am capable of things just like you!!!!!
Antman: Gonta doesn't know why you guys treat me like a child :(
Gremlin: yeah, hot stuff over there is basically a prodigy homies
Antman: Gonta is dumb though, don't say that.
Antman: Gonta is no prodigy, in fact, he is below average in everything
Gremlin: Whats ur test scores bitch
Antman: Gonta got a 98 on my english test,, but i wanted a 100, which would make Gonta actually smart :( 
Antman: Gonta is not good enough to be friends with you all
Antman: I can do basic stuff like tojo said...
Antman: maybe i do need help?
Antman: im not sure anymore:((((
Gremlin: THEY ARE ABLEIST GONTA,,, THEY FEEL SUPERIOR FOR TREATING UUUUU LIKE A CHILD
Detective pikachu: You sound really delusional Kokichi, maybe you should get sleep
Gremlin: S T F U, IM SPITTING ST8 FACTS BITCH
Detective pikachu: Sure you are. Now get some rest. 
Gremlin: GRRRR WHY WONT YOU LISTEN TO ME YOU IDIOTS??
Bread roll: Cause your stupid and aggressive
Gremlin: your personality, basically?
Bread roll: shut up at least i have a boyfriend
Gremlin: Technically, you just stole my frienemy 
Gremlin: Yall do be avoiding each other doe
Space Monkey: WE ARE NOT
Gremlin: Yeah yeah
Gremlin: yesterday i saw you to enter the same cafe by accident, duck your heads, then sit across the cafe from each other, all while  avoiding eye contact
Gremlin: Soooo,,, things not going well in paradise?
Detective pikachu: you're nosy
Gremlin: says the literal detective 
Space monkey: everythings fine your just a dickkkk
Gremlin: "oooo! Im momo-chan, i say bad word and go brrrrr"
Space monkey: im going to fucking stab him 
Gremlin: You cant, ive already enslaved you with my chaotic, yet cute hijinks, havent i~
Space monkey: STOP STOP NO NOT THE SQUIGLY
Gremlin: is it the sex? WHY DONT YOU MAKE EYE CNOTACT WITH UR LADY NO MORE 
Space monkey: ITS NOT THE SEX I HATE YOU
Gremlin: im free by the way at 8 ;)
Bread roll: STOP trying to steal my boyfriend kokichi, ive told you this before
Bread roll: NO
Bread roll: BODY
Antman: Gonta interrupts to say, Gonta loves you kokichi, and we should get flowers together, than maybe we can prank some people :D 
Bread roll: Ive never wanted to stab you more, gonta
Gremlin: I'd enjoy that very much, fine fellow ;)
Gremlin: but idk,,,, can you like take care of me first, cuz IM SICK BECAUSE OF KAITO TUBERCULOSIS ASS
Space monkey: I DONT HAVE TB ANYMORE
Gremlin: SURE YOU DONT 
Space monkey: I DONT
Gremlin:  BUT GUESS WHAT
Gremlin: YOU STILL SMOKE DUMBASS AND THATS NOT GOOD FOR U OR YOUR TUBERCULOSIS
Detective pikachu: He smokes?
Atua's bitch: he does, i walked in on him in the bathroom lmao
Atua's bitch: he was scared shitless and threw it out the window, needless to say atua does nt approve
Gremlin: DO YOU EVEN HAVE THE VACCINE????
Space monkey: Uh,,, i was taught vaccines were bad, so no i don't have the vaccine
Gremlin: I HATE OLD PEOPLE
Gremlin: ABOLISH OLD PEOPLEEEE
Gremlin: THEY SPREAD MISINFORMATION AND IT PHISCALLY HURTS ME TO SEEEEEE
Space monkey: your dramatic, it cant be that bad
Gremlin: say that when you catch it again
Gremlin: i swear you coughed on me like,,,, 5 weeks ago tho
Antman: OOOO! Fun fact: Tuberculosis can lay dormant from 3 months to a few years! 
Space monkey: u guys are just trying to scare me
Bread roll: Just checked the chat after using the br and,,m YOUDONT HAVE YOU VACCINES???
Detective pikachu: Im sorry, but kaito, please,,,,, for the love of god get vaccines
Space monkey: alright alright, ill do it cuz you guys are all on my case and i don't like being the villain :(
Gremlin: Im so happy i have gonta with me rn, he is making me tea while yall rot in your distant ass relationship (THIS IS FOR YOU KAITO)
Space monkey: Im going to destroy your bloodline in about three seconds if you dont stfu right fucking now
Gremlin: Hhehe i have an inaprwopwiate joke uwu
emoboi: STOP PLEASE DEAR GOD
cum dumpster: wHAt Is iT YOU WHORE
Gremlin: i was gonna say wouldn't he need to like,,,, have sex with my family to weed out my bloodline or something??
cum dumpster: i-
cum dumpster: Why am i acting surprised, ive watched porn with more extravagant plots than this
cum dumpster: ie; are you guys FUCKING? RIGHT INFRONT OF MY SALAD??? is one i will cherish with my soul
emoboi: hehe why did she point out the salad
Space monkey: I hate u kokichi, i truly do
Gremlin: I bet if you got the chance u would kiss me space boy :P
Bread roll has left the chat
Space monkey: o god is she ddoing one of those bf loyalty tests or smthing???
Space monkey: now im nervous lmao
Gremlin: why you so nervous stupid~~~~
Gremlin: It not like ur cheating on her homie
Space monkey: It's just a placebo effect
Gremlin: My brain feels fried Momo-chan,, i don't understand big boy words right now
Space monkey: Basically, if you take a pill that doesn't do anything but you don't know that and believe it does, you will scientifically start to feel better
Gremlin: first and only time saying this, but thank you 
Space monkey: HEHEHEB YOU SAID THANK YOU YOU SAID THANK YOUYOU SAID THANK YOUYOU SAID THANK YOUYOU SAID THANK YOU
Gremlin: Kaito,,, imma need you to do me a favor and look up on your ceiling
Space monkey: i hate you, idk what it is, but i hte you
Gremlin: good <3
Space monkey: HE REPLACED ALL MY THE STARS ON MY CELING WITH FUCKIBG DICKSSS
Space monkey: THIS IS THE LST FUCKING STRAW IM GONNA LOSE IT
Space monkey: IF MY GRANDPARENTS SEE THIS BULLSHIT THEY ARE GOING TO KILL ME, SLAP ME, MAYBE BREAK MY NECK AND DESTROY MEE
Space monkey: Im GENUINLEY panicing HOW TF am i gona get this off my wal???? They are going to bbat me senselpess help me shUichi
Detective pikachu: o god, i can sense the sheer pain and scaredness in  that tet, 
Detective pikachu: are you for real gong to get hurt or are you pulling a kokichi?
Space monkey: FUCKING HELP ME IM NOT FUCKING JOKINGKABKCB HELP THEY ARE NOT HOME RN THEY ARE LIKEE,,,, 40 MINUTES AWAY PLEASEE 
Gremlin: okay,,, maybe this wasn't the best prank.,,, i guess i'll help clean up cuz im not that much of a sociopath
Gremlin: tbh my parents can go shove it too lowkey terrible 0/10 
Space monkey: AHHHH IM SO SCARED PLS PSL GET HERE FAST
be-boop: Of course, i will come, i will survey the outside of the house
Antman: Gonta is coming too! We will get this done in under 40 minutes!
Space monkey: OKAY
Gremlin: Lowkey, if i cough on you ignore it bitch your the one who made me like this
Space monkey: W HA TDONT COUGH ON ME IM NOT SICK ANYMORE
Gremlin: I will give you TB again just cuz your making me suffer
Space monkey: Suffer what??? putting dicks on my FUCKING WALL???
Gremlin: Guilt, idiot, im feeling guilty. 
cum dumpster: oof thats new
emoboi: yeah i wasn't expecting it
Mr.gonstealyoman: Me neither. It is rather peculiar seeing it being texted by him because he is always feels not guilty of his bad actions.
be-boop: I do believe he means it, though...
emoboi: impossible.
cum dumpster: i agree, literally impossible.
Gremlin: I HAVE A FUCKIBG SOUL YOU CRazY CONSPIRACISTS
Antman: Quick question, shuichi can i stay with you again? It'll be dark when i get home and gonta can't do that so,,, please help
Detective pikachu: my parents are like blank slates, who eat slowly, watch tv slowly, and never look at me. Im sure they wouldn't mind :P
Antman: ALRIGHT! :D LETS GET MISSION: MR. MOMOTA ROOM REPAIR DONE!
Gremlin: ooo! I like the name! IM INNNN! 
Detective pikachu: On it!
be-boop: Ready for look out!
Space monkey: I love you guys :)
AN: Im lowkey sorry i ended this chaotic mess with angst,,,, but like fr i love it i love angst,, i hate reading it but love writing it
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aneternalrecurrence · 4 years
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aha I think im in love with my bf, maybe
still a bit mad and sad that he broke up with me on Sunday and then 4 hours later he texted me sorry and that he wants to get back together
yesterday I asked him how long has he been thinking about breaking up with me and he said a couple days. but like the Wednesday before he seemed happy to see me and then Thursday we kinda studied and saw each other for an hour and he was kissing me and holding my hand and it didn't seem like anything was wrong. yeah we are a lot busier this semester but he never talked to me about it. we just sent each other our schedules and then Sunday I meet him at the library and after about an hour he asks if I want to leave so I thought yeah we can take a break and just walk around for a while but then out of no where he turns to me and says “I think we should break up” and im pretty sure all I said was “uh” really really really didn't think he'd break up with me with the reason he had. 
I still think about it and it makes me cry. right now I feel like crying when just typing it all out. he said he doesn't treat me right and that I deserve someone to text me back all the time and to give me undivided attention and someone that's a good person. also the way he calls himself a bad person really really hurts me. it really hurts that he thinks he's such a horrible person because he really isn't. and so I cried a bit and he said that this wouldn't stop him form studying with me or helping me out with CS a few times so I was surprised when he wanted to still be friends bc im pretty sure the girls he's dated or hooked up with before aren't his friends. it just made me so so so so sad. im still sad 
yesterday was a good day though. it was better. i had class end at 330 but another class at 630 so I could only hangout with ethen during his work shift. it was nice just talking to him without crying. it nice to hold his hand again
im not delusional or anything, I know we’ll break up eventually bc he's going to New Orleans for the summer for an internship and he really hates SF and just not come back. but that's ok. I mean I really am so happy for him that he's got an internship and he’ll be doing what he loves and he’ll be back home and he gets to see his old friends. thats so nice. idk I fell like if I was in this situation a year ago I wouldn't have gotten back together or even dated him I don't know why. a year ago I wouldve just rather stayed broken up to save myself from a huge heartbreak coming this summer. but I really care about the so much. id rather spend as much time with him now then eventually breakup
I feel like im really trying not to let myself feel more for him that I already do. I don't want to get hurt but at the same time I want to let my feeling do whatever. I just care about him so much. I really do
saw him today :) in the library but he had class at 630. I really regret not walking him out the library but idk I was a bit jittery for some reason. sometimes I get nervous when im around him. not in a bad way, just in a way where I feel that he's going to regret getting back together and break up with me again. doesn't really make sense bc I know we’ll break up in a few months but it really hurt. it was not a nice feeling. and rn I miss him and I just want to hug him and fall asleep. but yeah he's right dating in college is hard. 
AU where ethen and I are just happy doing whatever we want, we don't have to be together but AU where he feels better and gets the good things he deserves bc he's not a bad person he's a very good person thats very nice and cares about others and is very smart and is kind and funny and has nice hair and just deserves good things. 
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