#and it's got a twisted reassurance to it too like id rather hurt myself alone than take other people down with me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

icymalec · 4 years

Text

Dance Me Back To Life

Chapters: 2/6 Fandom: Shadowhunters (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Additional Tags: College AU, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mild Abuse, dance

Series: Part 2 of The Dance of Two Souls Read on Ao3

Young adult (college) AU, follows on from Angel from above. Magnus POV. Dancer Magnus, family business man Alec. Slow build up of their relationship. Alec helps Magnus deal with his abusive father and mental health issues. Magnus in return helps Alec where he can.

Magnus sighs as he takes off a third shirt in a row, he heads over to his wardrobe and flicks through, his fingers coming to rest on a burgundy top. With a shrug he put in on and checks out how it looks in the mirror. He didn’t want to dress as though he thought it was a date, because he knew that was just wishful thinking, but at the same time he wanted to dress to impress. With his clothing finally settled upon he finishes his look with a couple of necklaces, rings, a hint of black kohl to accentuate his eyes and styling his hair.

Carefully putting his rejected clothing choices away, he begins to feel nervous. With a quick glimpse at the time Magnus pushes himself out of the house to begin the walk to the Hunters Moon. His mind racing, a whirlpool of emotion. He was happy and excited to be able to see Alec again, looking forward to getting to know him better. But he was also nervous and anxious. What if he said or did the wrong thing, something that upsets Alec? What if Alec feels embarrassed to be seen with him- especially with how he looked at the moment. Was it too much, should he have dialled it down? What if Alec discovers how he feels for him? He could become angry or repulsed and want nothing more to do with him.

But anger and repulsion were something Magnus struggled to see Alec being; his mind only able to conjure up images of the kind, caring and selfless Alexander that he had been blessed with the opportunity to spend time with. As Magnus thinks about Alec, he can’t help but be reminded of all the qualities that cause Magnus to be attracted to him. Everything about the man, both physical and internal, just pulls Magnus in. From his gorgeous eyes that he could stare into all day to Alec’s compassion. Damn it! How was he supposed to keep his cool?

As he reaches the Hunters Moon he feels the nerves bubble up inside his stomach. He feels a little nauseous and dizzy and could no longer separate what symptoms were caused by nerves and anxiety to those from excitement. He checks the time, 6.50pm , and heads inside straight for the bar. He perches on a bar stool, noting that the waitress serving tonight was someone he knew meaning he didn’t need to bother to get his ID ready.

He orders a scotch on the rocks hoping for it to numb his thoughts just enough to allow Magnus to enjoy his time with Alec. Just as he swallows down the last of his drink, movement by the door catches his eye. His breath catches in his throat at the sight of Alec, his eyes unable to stop themselves from roaming and taking in Alec’s appearance and physique. He looked stunning in just a simple dark green shirt and dark jeans.

Alec catches his eye and shoots him a shy smile that Magnus returns. As Alec strides across the room towards him, Magnus feels his heart rate quicken and mouth go dry.

“Hey,” Alec speaks tentatively as he comes to stand beside Magnus. “I’m glad that you agreed to this, thank you,” he gazes into Magnus’ eyes for a couple of seconds before clearing his throat and looking away.

Magnus shakes his head, “nothing to thank me for,” he can’t find the words to say anymore.

A moment of silence passes before Alec speaks, “I’ll just grab a drink and then we can find somewhere comfortable to sit?” He suggests, not waiting for a response before adding, “can I get you one?”

“Sounds good,” Magnus smiles softly before shyly asking for a martini. Within minutes Alec has acquired their drinks and they find their way onto a worn but comfortable sofa, situated in one of the corners of the Hunters Moon. They sit beside one another so that they can both relax into the cushions as opposed to one of them being relegated to a not so comfy chair.

Alec takes a gulp of his drink before setting it down on the table. He angles his body towards Magnus, hands clasped in his lap as he leans slightly forward. “I want to apologise to you for...” his hands motion as he tries to think of the right word. “Disappearing on you. I could easily lie and just say that it was due to family stuff. But it wasn’t just that.”

“Oh? Can I ask what else it was?”

Alec shakes his head, “it doesn’t matter,” he smiles at Magnus as his hand twitches on his lap. Magnus observes Alec as he looks away, seeming uncomfortable; Alec has his head ducked and his hands fidgeting. Magnus has to fight the urge to reach across and take hold of Alec’s hands; the desire to be able to soothe him with careful movements of his thumb across the back of his hands.

In the silence Magnus finds his voice, “I get that you don’t want to tell me, but I’m sure that whatever it was, does matter and should you ever want to tell me I’d be happy to listen.”

“Thank you,” Alec clears his throat and relaxes, turning his attention back to Magnus. “I never got the chance to congratulate you on your performance at the showcase. You were truly incredible.”

Magnus feels the heat rise in his cheeks, he averts his gaze, “thank you.”

“No seriously, I have never seen someone move as well as you, your solo at the end was just…” Alec flails his hands hopelessly as he struggles to find an accurate word.

Magnus smiles sadly, “well I’m glad you enjoyed it. Sadly the same can’t be said for everyone.”

Alec’s brows furrow, “oh? Care to elaborate?”

“Let’s see: it was tacky, some of it seemed rushed, in some places in my extensions were lacking…” Magnus reels off a few more criticisms that he had been given by both Lorenzo and his father before snapping his mouth shut, feeling guilty and embarrassed about going off like that.

“Well I don’t know where the hell they were sitting but you looked pretty damn perfect out there to me.” Magnus blushes as Alec takes a swig of his drink before adding, “and trust me, I have seen a lot of performances. 95% couldn’t hold a torch to you.”

Magnus raises his eyebrows in question, hoping for an elaboration. After swallowing some more of his beer Alec obliges. “Izzy, my sister, in her free time she’s a member of a dance company. Has been since she was little.”

Curiosity peaks in Magnus, “which company?”

“Momentum.”

“Is that the one based in Williamsburg?” Alec nods and they fall into a light conversation surrounding Isabelle’s journey in dance and how she almost ended up pursuing a career in it but gave it up in order to pursue another passion. One which gained significantly more support from their parents.

“Izzy’s got the right idea though,” Alec concludes. “The family business isn’t exactly a fun career. I now work two shifts a week, I’m not convinced that it’s not more trouble than it’s worth.”

“Want to talk about it?”

Alec shakes his head, “not tonight.” Alec reaches out and briefly squeezes Magnus’ hand before withdrawing his own. “Thank you, but I would rather hear about you.”

“I’m not sure there’s anything to say.”

Alec smiles sadly, “maybe not but I can still see that you’re hurting. I can see that you’re going through a struggle right now and I want you to know that you’re not alone. I am here for you, whatever you need.”

Magnus feels himself get choked up with emotions, he manages to rasp out a thank you before having to look away. Even outside of their ‘normal’ setting Alec was proving to be the same kind, caring and considerate person.

“Have you eaten?”

Magnus gulps as dread hits his stomach at such a simple question. He fidgets nervously, his fingers twisting his rings, unable to do or say anything with his internal panic occurring. How was he meant to eat with the cocktail of emotions flooding his veins? It was hard enough when it was just the anxiety and pressure.

“Would you like to share some fries with me? I can’t finish an entire portion myself but I’m a little hungry.”

“Sure,” Magnus manages to send a weak smile to Alec. Sharing a portion of fries, he could do this. He just prayed that his body would agree. Alec excuses himself to place an order at the bar, when he returns with another round of drinks Magnus protests.

“Tonight is on me, see it as my way of trying to make up for going AWOL.”

“I don’t see how that’s fair,” Magnus pouts.

“Fine if you feel so strongly you can pay next time, that is if you want there to be a next time. I mean I don’t want to pressure you or…”

“Alexander, I would love to do this again.”

“Really?” Alec’s face lights up as he nods in confirmation. “It doesn’t have to be here, it can be whatever you want.” Alec wets his bottom lip and shifts his gaze nervously.

This time it’s Magnus who reaches out a reassuring hand, he lets his fingers ghost over the other mans. Shooting him a warm smile, “I guess I’ll just have to surprise you then.”

As a waiter places a bowl of fries on the table Magnus springs his hand away as if he had been burnt. Alec clears his throat and thanks the waiter. Magnus feeling guilty and ashamed with himself for how that must’ve looked to the waiter.

Alec moves the bowl so that it is now between them and squirts a little ketchup on one side. He gestures to Magnus to help himself as he takes a fry and relaxes back into the seat. Tentatively Magnus bites into a fry, he swallows the first bite of ash and takes another, thankful that by the third bite it no longer tastes like ash. Before long Magnus somehow ends up absentmindedly eating as he converses with Alec, feeling lighter and less exhausted than he had for a while.

As it gets later the atmosphere between the pair shifts, neither wanting to admit that it was time to call it a night and part ways. It is Alec that breaks first, “I hate to admit this, but it’s getting late and I should be getting home.”

Magnus agrees that he should really get home, lie ins were not something Magnus was privy to, the latest he could ever be allowed to sleep into was 6am. And as much as he was enjoying his time with Alec, he doubted he would be able to have any chance of getting enough sleep to be prepared for the next day if he didn’t leave now.

“Would it be okay if I walked you home?” Alec’s voice is shy and tentative.

Magnus smiles at him, “that sounds lovely but isn’t that making you further away from your house?”

Alec shrugs, “I can get a cab once you’re home.”

Magnus felt a flush through his heart, he got the feeling that like himself, Alec was not quite ready to say goodbye. With some reluctance the pair leave the Hunters Moon and begin the short walk to Magnus’.

Magnus has to fight the urge to walk closer to Alec to allow their fingertips to brush together. He clenches his fists at the desire to reach out and hold Alec’s hand in his own. He was being stupid and his mind was likely to ruin things if he didn’t get things under control, he knew this. His gaze drops to his feet as he retreats into himself, body becoming tense and haunched.

Alec must’ve noticed a shift as he stops walking and turns to face Magnus; one hand coming up to rest on the top of Magnus’ arm. “Hey, is everything okay?” Alec’s voice is barely above a whisper.

Magnus looks straight to Alec’s hand touching his arm, feeling the warmth of Alec radiating into his own body. His eyes track up Alec’s arm until they come to rest on a set of eyes filled with worry and concern. “I’m fine,” Magnus manages to force out with a weak smile.

“No, you’re not,” Alec’s tongue flicks across his bottom lip as he puts his free hand on Magnus’ other arm. He squeezes encouragingly before he continues, “I can see that you’re hurting. And it’s okay to admit that. Admitting it doesn’t make you weak but rather shows great strength.” Magnus’ body sags at Alec’s words, eyes cast downward. “I would like to help you if you’ll let me,” Alec adds in a whisper.

Magnus takes a shaky breath, eyes squeezing shut before he finds the strength to look back at Alec, his facial expression, for the first time in what feels like a lifetime, not hiding anything. “I just…” Magnus takes a deep breath. “I’m scared and worried that I’m going to say or do the wrong thing. That I’m going to upset or disappoint you.” Magnus fiddles with his hands nervously. “I just don’t want to scare you away.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Alec states. He gestures with his head and begins walking. “I know that the words themselves don’t mean much, but I hope that over time you’ll realise that I’m a man of my words.”

Magnus doesn’t know how to respond, so he falls in step with Alec, his head swimming with emotions and questions that his mind was unable to form any coherent sense from.

As they near Magnus’ house he pulls Alec to a stop beside a tree, knowing that it would obscure his father’s view should he be watching from the window- he really did not want a lecture on how inappropriate it was for him to be spending time with a Lightwood. “This is me. So… uh…” Magnus clears his throat and starts again, “do you still want to do this again sometime?”

Alec beams at magnus, “yes.” Magnus cannot help but grin back, for the first time he felt his worries and anxieties completely fade into the background, in that moment he feels truly happy.

“When will you next be free?”

Alec thinks for a beat before answering, “Sunday morning or Tuesday/Wednesday from around 6pm.”

“Sunday morning?”

Alec smiles, “As long as it’s not before 8am, trust me you do not want to see me that early on a Sunday,” he jokes.

Magnus forces out a laugh as his mind unhelpfully conjures up what Alec would look like when he’s just woken up; with sleep still in his eyes and his hair adorably muzzed up. “I’m sure you look adorable,” he speaks quietly without thinking.

Before his mind has a chance to go into overdrive Alec chuckles, “that’s not the word I would use.”

Alec rubs his hand on the back of his neck, “I uh, I guess I should let you get in. Thank you for tonight.”

“It’s me who should be thanking you.” A moment passes as they gaze into each other’s eyes. Magnus finds it difficult to breathe, his heart feels like it’s going to break out of his chest. He can feel the tension rising in his body. As the intensity grows he fights against the pull to take a step towards Alec and into his space. Before he can stop himself, Magnus’ eyes flit down to Alec’s mouth, he bites his lip to suppress a moan- wanting nothing more than to kiss Alec right there in that moment. Embarrassed Magnus looks away, hoping that the dimly lit street was enough to keep Alec from seeing how red he was getting. The idea of what it would feel like to actually kiss him playing on his mind.

“Goodnight Magnus,” Magnus doesn’t know if it’s his imagination of if Alec really had sounded breathless.

“Goodnight Alec.” Reluctantly they both head their separate ways.

***

Magnus’ head snaps around at the sound of the door crashing open announcing the arrival of Lorenzo. The room immediately falls silent and huddles at the front of the hall; with purpose in his movements Lorenzo places brown envelopes across the table, spreading them out evenly. He then places a bowl on the floor a few feet in front of the group.

“Right, so here’s how this is going to work,” Lorenzo claps his hands together. “Seniors, when I say your name, I want you to come and pick an envelope. Inside you will find your assignment for the showcase. Meanwhile I want each junior to come and pick two numbers out of the bowl. These numbers correspond to a number in each of the envelopes. Once all the assignments are out each senior will reveal their number so that the juniors know who they are working with. Now there are four duplicates of each number in the bowl meaning that any of you seniors could be choreographing anything from a solo piece to a group of five. Am I making sense?” Lorenzo is met by a wave of heads nodding.

Magnus feels the anxiety rise within him, this was it. This was the assignment that was going to dictate his semester and either make or break him in terms of his future dancing career.

“Bala,” Lorenzo’s voice echoed around the room.

Magnus looks down at his shaking hands, knowing his name would be called next. “Bane,” Lorenzo watched his every move as Magnus made his way to pick an envelope. There were four for him to choose from as Lorenzo had provided one assignment for each senior plus one spare. He tries his hardest to not allow his legs to shake or his hands to tremble as he picks up an envelope and walks back to his spot.

“Loss.” Magnus shoots Cat a supportive look as she is called, and once Maia has also picked hers, they stand facing one another. After taking a deep breath they all tear open their envelopes and look at their assignments inside.

Magnus blinks as he sees his designated style, lyrical . He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, he could do this. He allows relief to calm his anxiety that it hadn’t been strict ballet before reading more of the details regarding the assignment. Further down the sheet was a list of four tracks he could choose from:

18th Floor Balcony- Blue October

Skinny Love- Birdy

Mercury- Sleeping at Last

Bad Dream- Ruelle

Alongside the sheet outlining the assignment was a memory stick which held each of the tracks with a few examples of well-choreographed dances in the dictated style.

They quietly share what style each of them has: Elias would be doing Latin; Cat, ballet and Maia, jazz.

“Seniors to the front.” Magnus squeezes Cat’s hand in reassurance as they make their way to the front of the hall. “When a number is spoken, I want you to raise a hand if you have that number. Then you each get half an hour to sort out a rehearsal schedule, at which point the seniors will be dismissed to begin their creative journeys.”

Elias ended up with a full house of having four juniors, Magnus got one, Cat had two and Maia ended up with three. It turns out that the junior paired with Magnus also had Catarina. This made it very simple for them to compromise on a rehearsal schedule as they both knew each other’s schedule and so only needed to factor in that of the juniors to come up with a plan. Once everybody had got sorted out, complete with dance hall bookings, Lorenzo called them back to attention.

“Seniors, you need to have finalised your track choice by Monday. From there it is completely down to you to organise everything else. At the halfway point to the showcase each of you will perform with your group solely to me and two professional dance choreographers. This will be your one and only chance to get advice, support and tips. So best you are prepared by then. Seniors dismissed.”

Magnus was in a daze as he walks with the other seniors to the computer room. Each of them pulled out their headphones in order to give their song selections a listen. Magnus closes his eyes as he hits play, desperately willing creativity to spark. He knew that with lyrical it was vital he paid attention to what the song was saying, both in words and between the lines. After a few run throughs he has the track narrowed down to two choices and knew that would be as far as he would be able to get today.

He shuts down the computer and leans back into the chair, lost in thought. Not about dance. He gulps as he tries to think of what to do with Alec on Sunday. The excitement was vastly outweighed by the pressure of being the one to organise everything.

He pulls out his phone and searches for places he could take Alec. Sure, there were plenty of great places, local enough that neither would have to worry about travel time, but none of them felt right. His forehead crinkles deepen as he searches further. He knew it wasn’t a date, but he refused not to give full effort just because of this. Alec deserves the best, and it seemed like Alec had been having a tough time lately and the only way Magnus could think of helping was to make Sunday perfect.

“Hey Magnus,” it takes him a moment to blink out of his thoughts and turn to Cat. “I need coffee, want to join me?”

Magnus gives a small smile, “coffee sounds like a good idea.” He pauses for breath before shyly adding, “and maybe you could help me with something?”

“Now you’ve got me intrigued,” Catarina shoots him a look before resuming gathering her things and slinging her bag onto her shoulder.

Magnus follows suit and they make their way to a small coffee shop by campus. “So what kind of thing do you need help with?”

Magnus chews on his bottom lip, “Alec related…” Cat shoots him a smirk. “Coffee then I’ll talk,” he adds sternly. The rest of their short walk is spent in silence. Magnus finds his stomach doing somersaults about planning with Cat what he should do with Alec.

Coffee in hand they settle at a table in the front corner. Catarina remains quiet allowing Magnus to start in his own time. “So I need some inspiration. I’m seeing Alec again Sunday morning and it’s up to me to organise it.”

Catarina smiles broadly at Magnus then leans across the table. They spend half an hour in the coffee shop talking through ideas. By the time they leave, Magnus has the perfect plan in his mind for Sunday. All that was left was preparation.

#Shadowhunters fanfic #malec #alec lightwood #Magnus Bane #fanfic #all the legends are true

0 notes