#and my every interaction w her solidifies that she doesn't want me
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HHJ ~ Tragic Fairytale
Inspired by a dying relationship I tried to make work
Also not proofread...or beta read
Today WE DIE LIKE MEN.
(Also I can't find the original owner of this gif help)
Genre: Angst
Soulmate! AU
~
Prompt used:
Forbidden (Angst): I will write about my character longing for something they can never have.
~
You and Hyunjin had always been close.
You were quite literally fetus friends. Both your moms had a long lasting friendship dating back to middle school. So its no surprise that you and Hyunjin grew up together.
You had a rare gift. Everyone has a soulmate with their names tattooed intricately on their wrist. However, they can not see the names. You could.
And on your wrist, delicately tattooed in white cursive, Hwang Hyunjin.
On his, Y/N.
However, there is some interference from the universe. You can not physically tell people who their soulmate was and you can not drop any hints as well. You can however, change the soulmate name on someone else’s wrist.
You and Hyunjin were still as close as ever when you both entered high school.
However, puberty hit Hyunjin well. He grew considerably taller and his features got more eye appealing and refined. As his visuals got more and more attractive, his popularity soared. Of course this means Hyunjin will get swept away by people and will get dragged into cliques; thus, Hyunjin and you never really hung out as much during school hours.
You both were still close, fortunately.
You both walk home together and would often crash at each other’s places to do homework and hang out until nightfall since you both lived a few houses apart.
“Hey can you do me a favor?” hyunjin asked out of nowhere.
“Hmm?” you hummed in response with your eyes still glued to your homework.
“There’s this girl I really like,” Hyunjin started.
He broke your heart that night.
Hyunjin asked if you could change his soulmate name to hers. You loved him. You really do, so you did.
That night you delicately write her name on Hyunjin’s wrist and watch your own fade away. Overtime, you would watch Hyunjin’s name fade from your wrist.
You watch Hyunjin fall more hopelessly in love with his crush. You watch him smile and laugh at her every word. You watched how his eyes would turn into small crescents and how his nose crinkles every time he let out a genuine smile or laugh.
You feel your pain subside.
It was unnerving at first, losing everything about Hyunjin.
From once you felt butterflies with every interaction with hyunjin to pain and heartbreak and finally
to nothing.
You were scared. Many thoughts were running through your mind as different scenarios formed, each one worse than the last.
You told yourself. If Hyunjin was happy, then so were you.
But now, there was nothing.
You sat on a bench at the front entrance waiting for hyunjin as always. He was late, but you couldn’t be bothered to care. It was unnerving how little you felt for Hyunjin now in such a short amount of time.
Since you couldn't be bothered to care, then why should you wait?
You gathered your things as you slung your backpack over your shoulder. You stood from your spot and turned to leave.
“Hey!” Hyunjin called out to you.
you turned to face him.
“Hyunjin,” you merely stated. You flinched inwardly hearing you cold monotone voice.
Hyunjin visably flinched at your tone.
“I-I thought you were going to wait for me?” he breathed out with an awkward smile.
You shrugged as you turned to leave. Hyunjin deadpanned momentarily as he lightly jogged to catch up with you. He easily caught up to you with his long legs and slowed to match your pace.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“No,” you responded quickly.
“Then why are you ignoring me?”
“I’m not,” you quipped.
“You’re not?” Hyunjin exasperated stepping in front of your path. “If you’re not, then why are you being so distant?”
“I have no reason to speak with you,” you merely responded attempting to walk past him.
He sidestepped to block your advances.
“Do you really need a reason?” his tone was stern yet offended.
“Yes.”
“What? Why?” Hyunjin gasped out as he felt a pang of pain in his chest. “We’re best friends.”
“Were,” you corrected as you deadpanned at him.
Hyunjin’s face softened to one of hurt and confusion. His eyes held pain as it became glossy with tears.
“Y/N,” he choked out. “Y/N please. What did I do?”
“Nothing,” your eyes trailed off to the side in disinterest.
“Then why?” Hyunjin’s voice cracked slightly.
“You didn’t do anything,” you clarified. “I did.”
You lifted up your wrist and pointed at the flesh knowing full well Hyunjin couldn’t see the name inked there by fate.
“Did you do something to your name?” Hyunjin asked worryingly.
You didn't respond. You gently grabbed at his wrist gently rotating it towards his view and pointed at the flesh there. Hyunjin’s mouth gaped open in confusion. In his moment of confusion, you took your opportunity to walk past him.
“Wait! What does this have to do- I’m sorry if I made you do this” Hyunjin rushed forward grabbing your wrist.
You turned to look at him.
“But it doesn't matter right? I’m still your best friend?” Hyunjin chuckled nervously.
Anxiety crawled up Hyunjin’s chest as he wondered what did he do to lose his best friend, his rock, his partner in crime.
“I don't have a name,” you clarified.
Hyunjin’s eyes widened in horror.
If a person loses the soulmate name, not only do they lose their soulmate, they also lose their soul unless anothename can be imprinted.
“No no no no,” Hyunjin panics as his hands reach for your shoulders gripping it lightly. “W-why? What happened?”
“I changed yours,” you stated.
“B-but, how does this-” Hyunjin choked finally putting the pieces together.
Hyunjin shook his head repeatedly whispering “No” to himself. Tears were streaming down his face not wanting to believe the answer he was presented with.
“You can write a name on your wrist, right?” Hyunjin lifted up your wrist to his lips and kissed the soft flesh lightly. “Like you did to mine?”
“I can’t change my own,” you finalized,
Hyunjin sobbed, realization finally hitting him from what he has done.
“Please,” he choked out. “Please tell me it’s not me.”
Hyunjin’s heart constricted painfully as it felt as if he was suffocating.
“Please,” he repeated weeping. “Please say it’s not me.”
“It’s not.” Hyunjin looked up at you with hope glimmering in his eyes. “Not anymore.”
Hyunjin felt as if his entire world has fallen apart.
Hyunjin fell to his knees on the sidewalk crying like s fool. You stood there momentarily staring at him before turning to leave.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Hyunjin chanted with more pain laced in each and every word.
Hyunjin grabbed pathetically at your legs in an attempt to stop you from leaving him only for you to easily walk out of his grip.
“Please,” he whispered. “I need you.”
His words fell to death ears.
You didn’t show up to class the next day.
Hyunjin sat at your desk with a book all about soulmates on his lap as he awaited your arrival.
Hyunjin can hear the whispers around him, but Hyunjin didn't care. his eyes were glossed over and they were red and extremely puffy. on his cheeks were dried tears as he sniffled often to stop the snot from running.
By the end of the day, he watched as his world became broken beyond all repair.
Those with the ability to rewrite the soulmate tattoos can only merely change the appearance of the name to spur the change. The rest is up to the “client.” For the change to be solidified and recognized by the universe, they would have to fall in love and have the love be reciprocated.
However, since the name has been changed, the other half will have their soulmate tattoo fade and disappear. If a new soulmate can not be registered and mated again to another soul, then their souls would disappear forever.
Your mom called Hyunjin in a frantic after school. Hyunjin rushed over to your house with his legs taking him there as fast as they could. His lungs burned and his legs ached as he proceeded with his full sprint.
Hyunjin couldn't remember much of that day.
He remembered bursting through the door of your room.
He remember your mom sobbing hopelessly.
He remembered embracing your soulless body sobbing and apologizing profusely.
He remembered blacking out on your bed with you in his arms.
This became routine for him: wake up, go to school, go to your house afterwards, read you the lecture notes so you wouldn't fall too far behind, occasionally bringing you your favorite snacks and hopefully pressing the snack item against your lips until your body’s mechanical skills kick in and take the food item, finish homework, take care of you, go home, repeat.
You sat upright on your bed in a slight slouched position. Your half lidded eyes faded to a dull grey color void of any emotion. Your cheeks grew paler by the day. You were no longer responsive, never flinching, never feeling, forever broken. all because of him.
It was all his fault.
Hyunjin’s heart broke more each and every day.
Hyunjin can't let you go. Not now. Not ever. In fear of letting you down once last time.
Your mom was thankful for hyunjin constantly taking care of you while she was at work.
After high school, Hyunjin moved into an apartment with you. He had a simple cafe job for flexible work hours.
You both were lying on the same bed. Hyunjin figured it shouldn't really matter since you both shared beds every time you crashed at each other’s places too lazy to go home. Hyunjin was laying his head over your chest. your heart was beating slow and steady like a metronome. Hyunjin finds some comfort in your heartbeat because it serves as a reminder that you're still alive. hyunjin lifted up his wrist into view, the name of his dumb crush was brilliantly shown in black ink.
The soulmate name will appear before both soulmates if they were to fall in love with each other, the names would be presented in brilliant white ink for all to see as proof of their love. The other case of appearance is when their soulmate dies resulting in the name presented in black.
You were Hyunjin’s soulmate, but he had you change it to his crush. The name served as reminder of Hyunjin’s greatest mistake with it dyed a brilliant black to signify your death. You weren’t dead per se, you were still living and breathing but you were an empty shell void of a soul.
The sound of Hyunjin’s alarm blasted deafeningly loud, but Hyunjin didn't want to go about his day. However, he needed money for rent.
After the daily necessities, Hyunjin sat you opposite of him and cooked up a simple noodle soup. Hyunjin decantently fed you blowing each spoonful generously and bringing the spoon to your lips. Eventually you body would kick in and accept the spoon into your mouth to chew briefly and swallowing.
After breakfast, Hyunjin would slowly walk you to the living room couch in front of the tv. He made sure to keep everything within arms reach: the tv remote, your phone, a sandwich on a plate and a glass of water incase you get hungry. He would place the items near the edge of the table and push it closer to you.
Afterwards, each and everyday without fail, Hyunjin would cup your face into his hands. He would delicately kiss your cheeks, your nose, your forehead, your chin, your temples, just anywhere before finishing on your lips. His lips would mold softly into your unmoving ones pouring all of his emotions, his pain, his regret and mainly his love for you, into that final kiss. He held onto the small hope that true love’s kiss would prevail. You both were soulmates afterall.
But life isn't a fairytale.
Every single day was the same. Hyunjin would return home after work to see you in the same position where he left you. The food and water were left untouched. Your phone and the remote were unmoved. It would most definitely collect dust if left long enough.
Hyunjin would push the table back far enough for him to situate himself on the floor in front of you. Hyunjin would position your hand palm side up and rest his cheek there with his arms loosely wrapped around your legs. Hyunjin would sometimes place the plate on your lap and with his left hand he would hold the sandwich to your lips. Sometimes your body will allow consumption but it often doesn’t.
The pain Hyunjin feels day by day doesn't get easier. The ache in his chest was forever present as he felt himself suffocate more and more everyday. Some days the pain would get too unbearable and it feels as if all the weight in the world was on his chest depriving him of oxygen. his heart would beat loudly in his ears as he gasped and sobbed as the panic from a mental breakdown wracked his body.
Today was that day.
Hyunjin passed out with his tear stained cheek resting delicately on your hand, the sandwich left forgotten on the plate on your lap.
Hyunjin was living through punishment for his sins. Some days he wondered if he was punished enough and the universe would recognize his repent and offer forgiveness, but Hyunjin knew he doesnt deserve it.
However, the universe had their own plans.
Hope.
Hyunjin didn't know how long he was passed out for. When we awoke, the room was dark. outside the window was the star lit night sky. You were still seated in the same position. You were upright with a slight slouch, your arms limp on either side of your body, your head was tilted downward with half lidded dull grey eyes as your chest steadily rose and fell.
Hyunjin nuzzled into your hand softly yearning for your touch. Hyunjin let out a small huff and satup running his hand through his hair and rubbing his puffy face.
His eyes gazed over the sandwich in your lap. He was sure it wasn't there before. It’s small and barely noticeable, but it was most definitely a bite.
Hyunjin didn't hesitate. Day by day, he recreated the same conditions as that day. Hyunjin would sit there for hours even until the morning light peeked over the horizon.
It has been two weeks since then. Hyunjin was beginning to lose sight if that hope.
But another hope glimmered one day when Hyunjin returned from work. Hyunjin briefly planted a kiss on your temple before heading straight to the shower because he accidentally spilled coffee on himself. He has failed to notice a singular bite in the sandwich.
Hyunjin left the shower drying his hair with a towel. The towel obstructed his view as he made his way over to you. He swung his towel over his neck just to meet eye to eye with your dull gray ones. Your head was turned towards him. Hyunjin’s eyes were wide and blown out. His heart started to beat rapidly.
“Y/N?” he breathed out walking to you slowly. Your head turned slowly following his every movement.
Hyunjin delicately grasped your hands in his as he kneeled before you.
"Y/N?" Hyunjin sobbed out quietly.
You didn't answer, you merely stared deeply in his eyes and didn't make any sudden movement or reaction. Hyunjin can feel you staring deep into his soul with your dull gray eyes. You were difficult to read. Your eyes showed no emotion whatsoever.
Hyunjin wanted to speak to you but he felt his words latch onto his throat as his chest ached horribly with heartbreak. He desperately wanted to tell you his feelings but he was choking in his sobs.
He wanted to. He needed to.
Because what if this was the last Hyunjin would see of you before you become forever unmoving once more.
Ugly sobs erupted from Hyunjin as he tried to choke out his words. Tears were flowing down his cheeks in neverending streams and snot dribbled down from his nostrils.
"Im s-sorry," Hyunjin forced out. His voice weak, broken and breathless.
"I’m so sorry," he choked out once more with more structure and support.
"I'm so fucking sorry," Hyunjin sobbed, his voice accidentally raised with raw emotion as his hands gripped yours tightly.
Hyunjin coughed and wheezed as the pain in his chest became increasingly more unbearable. Hyunjin rested his forehead against yours as his entire body shook with sobs.
"I love you," Hyunjin whispered out. "I love you so fucking much."
Hyunjin desperately looked into your eyes for any type of emotional response. He didn't care if it was rage, anger, or disappointment. He just needed anything.
But he never got it.
Hyunjin skipped work the next day calling in sick. He opted with staying in bed with you held securely in his arms.
Hyunjins phone vibrated softly against the night stand, but it fell to dead ears. Hyunjin know it was Jisung that was blowing up his phone. The two were best friends throughout high school and even ended up working at the same cafe. Jisung tended to nag Hyunjin a lot due to him looking more and more dead each day. Annoyed with the constant vibrations, Hyunjin quickly grabbed his phone and set it to do not disturb. The last message he saw was "I heard you called in sick. Do you need me to come over later?
Hyunjin didn't answer and tossed the phone over his shoulder missing the night stand and fell with a soft thud on the floor.
Once again Hyunjin rested his head on your chest with his arms wrapped securely around your body.
The soft metronomic heartbeat that once kept him sane with the knowledge that you were still here alive and well now caused anxiety to crawl up his chest.
He was so close. He was so fucking close. But you went back to your soulless state. No eye contact. No head following his every movement.
Hyunjin felt as if he lost you all over again. Pain ripped through his chest as it got harder and harder to breathe. Hyunjin felt as if metal barbed wire was wrapped around his heart and lungs and is slowly getting tighter. Hyunjin felt the sobs wrack through his body again as his mental state deteriorated.
Hyunjin would then make another fatal mistake.
Hyunjins body would shoot up as he straddled your waist. Hyunjin huffed and sniffled as tears flood his vision. Hyunjin felt as if he was suffocating, he wanted you to feel the same.
In his fit of madness, Hyunjin pressed a pillow onto your face. He was desperately wanting you to feel just anything.
Hyunjin froze when he heard a faint voice yelling at him at the back of his mind. At first Hyunjin couldn't tell whose voice it was but he quickly realized it was his own voices screaming at him to stop.
Hyunjins voice hitched as he rejoined reality. Horror bubbled within him once he realized what he's done. Hyunjin very quickly tossed aside the pillow and he's met with your blown out eyes and your mouth open in a silent scream.
"N-no," Hyunjin choked out.
"No no. Y/N, I'm so sorry."
Hyunjins hands shook as his fingers ghosted over your cheeks afraid to. reak you even further.
"Y/N?" His voice cracked "Y/N please…"
Hyunjin weeped as he delicately cupped your face. Hesitantly, he leaned down pressing his ear against your chest.
Hyunjin weeped.
The metronomic heartbeat is stilled to a stop as your chest remained unmoving.
Hyunjin snapped.
With loud wailing and sobbing, Hyunjin began grabbing at everything. He ripped off the curtains, the metal rod clanged loudly against the floor. With loud ugly screams, he knocked over the drawers and closet. His hand reached for the picture that stood on the nightstand. The photo captured both your smiling faces as you completed each others hand heart. You both had taken that selfie with your polaroid on the first day of high school. Before you lost your soul. Before Hyunjin Getting that stupid crush. Before everything fell apart.
With a loud sob, he tossed it towards the wall. The force of the throw had Hyunjin’s arm aching in pain as the frame and glass broke and shattered against the wall.
Hyunjin kicked his discarded phone as it slid and bounced into another wall. The phone illuminated the message.
HJS: Hey my shift ended. I’m going to come over to see how you're doing.
~
Jisung stood outside Hyunjins door with an americano and a croissant that he brought over.
"Yah! Hyunjin! You better open up," Jisung called out knocking on the door harshly.
No answer.
"If you are not opening up, I'm coming in!"
No answer.
"Fine by me."
Jisung bent down to grab the spare key that hyunjin hid under his welcome mat.
Jisung at first didn't notice anything strange when he entered the apartment.
"Hyunjin?" Jisung called out closing the door behind him.
Everything looked clean. There were dirty dishes in the sink but other than that, everything looked fine. Jisung set down Hyunjin’s drink and croissant on the kitchen table. He made his way over to Hyunjin's bedroom. The door was slightly ajar.
"Oh my god!" Jisung exclaimed loudly. Backing up quickly tripping over his own feet. Jising landed ungracefully on His bottom with his eyes blown out in shock and horror.
"Oh my fucking god," Jisung stammered. "Hyunjin, what the fuck did you do?"
The room was messy with things thrown all around with many of them broken and shattered.
Jisung stood in horror upon sight of his best friend swinging softly back and forth, arms limp at his sides, his eyes were hooded with tear stained cheeks, his mouth parted slightly with drool dribbling out hanging on a noose tied to a ceiling fan.
Life wasn't a fairytale.
Soulmates was supposed to be a beautiful story, but for Hwang Hyunjin and Y/N,
life was a tragedy.
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