#and thank you muchly gifmaker!

[all-or-nothing-baby]

At first, Billy only feels the itch when he's with Steve. This can't be real. He can't have this. This isn't meant for him. There must be a catch.

As days turn to weeks, Billy feels it all the time.

He preferred it when life made sense. Life was unfair, and people only cared about you for as long as you had something to offer. And Billy knew what to expect from Neil. How much he could push; when. The pain is expected; a comforting reminder. Proof that he hadn't lost; the argument, the fight, himself.

This... this teetering between the ecstasy of happiness and his real life. He doesn't know how to cope with it.

He wants to claw his fucking skin off. A kitchen knife, a switchblade, his own sharpened goddam nails. To get rid of that itch for good and pretend life can always be bliss.

But he can't.

This will end — his happiness always ends — and then he'd be without armor. Defenseless against the feral horrors of the world, against Neil. Flayed, Neil's salt will finally burn him into submission.

Why couldn't Steve have done them both a favor and just left him the fuck alone?

---

oh.

omg.

OH MY GOD!

nonny, this is just gorgeous. how have you managed to write billy exactly how i see him? perpetually waiting for the other shoe to drop... convinced he cannot ever actually have something good (nor be allowed to keep it)... preferring when 'life made sense'—even if it was terrible...?!

and this part:

He wants to claw his fucking skin off. A kitchen knife, a switchblade, his own goddamned sharpened nails.

asfgasgjkscjkkkkkk!!!?!?!!!!!! WOW.

i could quote more but it'd just end up being the entire passage lol. The Angst™ (as i'm presuming you know) is my absolute favourite, and this particular example is just delicious. perfection. *chef's kiss*

thank you × infinity for thinking of me on my birthday, and for treating me to such a beautifully written little ficlet! i've had a bit of a break from fandom recently, but i'd love to think that your gift might be what pulls me back in...

ily forever <333

cassidy xp

#SOSO KIND #and SOSO GOOD! #billy boy ❤️ #billy hargrove #harringrove ficlet #birthday gifts #*gross sobbing* #THANK YOU FOREVER FOR THIS #nonny asks #wonderful people #happy halloween #and thank you muchly gifmaker!

[teencopandthesourwolf]

IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY ON HALLOWEEN?!?!?!?!

Incredible. 🎂🎃🥳

Happy birthday Cassidy!!

it is! *cackles*

BEST DAY TO BE BORN EVER OR WHAT?!

i absolutely love celebrating halloween— infinitely more than i enjoy celebrating the day i was born, actually. but the fact that they coincide? pretty flippin' cool imo.

thanks sm for the bday wishes, kit! ily <3

#cassidy's spooky birthday #happy halloween #💀🔪⚰️🦇 #wonderful asks #kit tag #mutual's my beloved <3 #and thank you muchly gifmaker!

[amadeyus]

I THINK IM SUPER LATE IN SENDING ONE BUT ⭐️! Your graphics are AMAZING, you have gr8 taste in music, and you're super sweet too! :D

HEY JAY thank you for sending this (also better late than never amirite :D)**

!!!!!!!! this is such nice things to hear coming from someone who ALSO makes amazing graphics, has gr8 taste in music*, and is also super sweet to talk too! b r u h thank you muchly

*def would argue that florence falls under the category of gr8 music because hhhhhhh her voice omg

“send me a ⭐ if im one of your favorite mutuals and explain why” ask game entertain your local insomniac gifmaker

#**also dude thank u for sending this ask at this time of hour because my goblin brain won't let me sleep #and it's hella frustrating #so this is nice to receive! #<3 <3 <3 #audi-nos-canos #the ask and the answer #shouting into oblivion #kind people are kind #audi-nos-canis