#and that's a new rxn for me idk

[badcountryofficial]

sometimes u turn 24 and realize you've built so much of urself around the idea of receiving validation and attention from others and ur left with this self that barely makes sense when u take it all away. i'm ok i'm just like wogh. the self is confushing!!!!!!!!!! anyway this is mainly just cos it looks cool lol

#having a lil crisis #like i turned 24 and next to no1 noticed #a few years ago that would have made me suicidal but this year it's like aw that's kind of a bummer lol #and then i found myself going 'oh maybe if i do xyz then cool people would notice me' #and then i was like. that's weird and inauthentic? why would i do that? just for attention? #and now instead of 'uhhh YEAH duh' i'm like that doesn't feel very. uh. self-respecting #like yeah you COULD be fake for attention but that's weird. respect yourself. #just an interesting change to see in myself #now that i have someone by my side who respects me and thinks i'm beautiful and cool and fun just as i AM #i don't have to pretend like i've been doing for years #so that's good because then being HERE with my parents has me kind of in that frozen mental state #protecting myself yk #i don't WANNA be frozen and dissociated all the time !!!!!! but idk how to wake up out of it #anyway here's a cool drawing i made #again mainly if bf sees this: i am FINE my love<3 #just found myself wanting to do stuff for attention and cringed because i was like 'that's not ME tho..' #and that's a new rxn for me idk #anyway feeling a lil outside myself but it's all good #look at that bartholomew #i digress #barfolomew #is that his tag???

[manyblinkinglights]

Okay I have successfully retrofitted the original big gryphon model to v13, I like the wings but I had to do hybrid (primaries on the new hand-and-float spread, secondaries constrained to the innermost primary). They add just that cartoon character flair to the wing action, suiting my sharp yet toony aesthetic. Sharply toony. Stylized. Gotta fix the weight painting to account for the new stresses though... and retopologize my chest/forequarters in the stupid laborious way, with the anytaur as a guide. The topo rn is just SO stupid and my armpits are ALWAYS pointy no matter what I do with the weight painting.

Would be good to get my MMD silencer back in tomorrow, so I stop singing along to the music with double-visemes & looking like I'm going ham. but really this one is going to be the Gryphon That Eats You. I am going to try and put a handpuppet mode on the head and neck, for menacing people, and a rollercoaster chair, for consuming them, and Contacts on my face, so they don't get swallowed until they quit hanging on to my beak. I will also put a couple of blendshape controller-grip-strength rxn modes on the face, so that I snap on trigger pressure when no one's in my mouth chair, and gnaw on trigger pressure when someone is. and idk make a face when/after I swallow them I guess. Since I don't actually care about vore, I'll just stay clear/seethrough from the inside. What I care about is being embodied in VR, which obviously includes putting anyone inside my mouth who'll fit in there. Because I am a large and pointy gryphon. And since they are also embodied in VR, they should be able to struggle and prevent me from swallowing if they would like to. (If I were swallowed in a game of pretend I would get so mad, I would be like NO FAIR, I AM HOLDING ON.)

Oh! Also I need to update all my custom anim poses! But I think I figured out a faster way to do it, I can p much propagate the parent constraint position fixes to all five anims since that's all they rly are. Then I don't wreck my bespoke rotations.

#anytaur

[kidnamedfinger]

hi fren idk if you already talked about this but I would love to hear your opinion on love theory cause everyone I know is loving it and I'm sure they're lying it's a bad song I will not be gaslit

hello fren! i didn't actually listen to it lol but i'm happy to do so for a rxn <3 here r my thoughts after watching the mv

i like wonstein! i think the meta lyrics are well-delivered by him and he is silly while also not distracting or overpowering

taeyong is very pretty :)

i was definitely trying to like his parts but its pretty much the same problem i have with his other songs: i dont like his flow, or his accent he puts on (and it IS an accent cause the facetime call at the end is his normal voice and he has a great voice), and his lyrics are not horrible but they dont really compel me

the sound is just like most other k-indie songs featuring sm artists, reminds me of hello tutorial + tuesday is better than monday specifically but there are a lot of songs like it. its not bad its just not super original

the chorus lines are catchy enough, i think the "love dictionary" part could have scanned better than it does

so yeah overall its cute and the aesthetic is kitschy enough, i dont think its a bad song but it makes sense that its a station song and not even like a proper release under wonstein's own name. to me its like a proof of concept, if TY really leaned into this aesthetic and kept making collabs then eventually he might be able to break new ground (for me) but we're not there yet imo

[hazelcephalopod]

The Great Hunt Ch 5-6

Just so many things happen all over the place. Many of them quite dark.

Disclaimer: this is my first read thru but I’ve watched all of the show thus far and been spoiled on some book things. So… I’m going to lean into that. Enjoy figuring out what I know, and what I think I know, and what I just don’t. Also s/x I add commentary when I edit.

Spoilers for the first and second book and all of season 1 under the cut. Potential spoilers for later books -idk if they’re light spoilers or not.

Ch 5: The Shadow in Shienar

Sun

Ominous title is ominous.

Yup. Stilling is basically gentling. Next!

“Able to sense saidar, the female half of the True Source, but no longer having the ability to touch it. Remembering what was gone forever.” -Tgh on Stilling. Sounds bad

So rare Novices can memorize the names and crimes of every Aes Sedai whose been stilled for 3k years! That’s really rare then

2 Amylins in the 3rd Era have been deposed. Tetsuan, for betraying Menetheren for petty reasons -why did Menetheren get betrayed so much? And Bonwhin for trying to control Artur Hawkwing and nearly destroying TV in the process. So that’s hundreds or thousands of years ago. And Siuan is coming corned her involvement in trying to find the Dragon will get her deposed and probably stilled. Really bad

“Both of the Red, and both replaced by Amyrlin from the Blue. The reason there has not been an Amyrlin chosen from the Red since Bonwhin, and the reason the Red Ajah well take any pretext to pull down an Amyrlin from the Blue…” -Siuan on Tower politics history.

3 -at least- mentions of switchings in 2 pgs

Oh fuck Moiraine you really did cause problems. Like… I get Siuans rxn. They were going to prep him. Moiraine fully YOLO-Ed that

“Yet the world will burn, Siuan, one way or an other, whatever we do.” -(Moiraine) thinking as she talks to Siuan and explaining why she YOLO-Ed it. YWWATWW

“Let whosoever sounds me think not of glory, but only of salvation.” -Moiraine, reciting they Prophecy of the Horn

Once a generation until two years ago and you doubt?!

…oh the actions of gentling. Ok. Fair. You should

“So can Mazrim Taim, the man in Saldaea.” -Siuan mentioning the other fD who can channeld. Also mentioned Logain, whose been gentled

Holy fuck. That’s a lot

That was a seal on the Dark ones prison they broke. And the Amyrlin is the Watcher of the Seals. It’s her job to keep them safe. And none have known where they are for a long time. So not good yea?

See? Should have stayed fully out of sight! Well. Too late. At least she’s on Moiraine’s side

Mm kicking and screaming he might. Good luck!

Few names do

Lol. Safe. Sure

Girl… he needed a little more guidance. The fact he hasn’t bolted yet is kinda a miracle

That approach will scare him more! Maybe try tearing him like a person! A mature-ish person!

Did they not see the Horn?

Also… *shakes head*

Also also, that fucking dagger

“Easier to give up drinking water.” Siuan on not using magic once one has used it.

Still such a flaming… consent!

Yes it’s applicable!

I do wonder if he could just fuck off forever and ignore this shut. Like. Learn to sail and just go. Bye.

…wait… well moving on

Plots within plots!

I’m honestly not convinced that meeting will happen

What is happening? POV change?

Whitecloaks vs boat people?! (I soon learn, regrettably no. Not yet at least)

Bornhold POV? Have we met that guy?

Ok many names. Lord Capt Cmmdr Perrin Niall. Valda. Dain Bornhold.

Well. At least world news is being presented. Caemlyn is on the brink of civil war because of the whole Red vs White (pro queen and TV vs anti queen and TV) situation

Oh the guy with probably half a bit of sense is your best? Nooo /s

… makes the whoel organization more dangerous tho

So stealth mission to Tarabon. Kill anyone who sees them.

“Wild rumors, mainly, about Artur Hawkwing’s armies come back.” -Bornhold to Whitecloak Supreme Niall.

King is a figurehead. Bornhold has three days to leave for the village Alcruna on the Fields or whatever up north-ish(?) form there

Bornhold I can already tell if you had but a handful more brain cells you woulda made a better choice. Like becoming a Warder perhaps. Something actually useful

“Pardon… but who will meet me? Why am I risking war with Tarabon?” -Bornhold. Good question, but honestly the whitecloaks will probably just disavow you if you’re caught. I hope they have that much sense. Not entirely confident they do tho

Uhhuh. Oh well actually checking is nice. I’m not sure you’re any good at that but ok

The bare minimum is not killing innocents tho

Oh lovely. Worse Whitecloaks, Questioners.

Yes I’m sure the torture really makes them confess honestly

Well I’m definitely calling them Questioners then

Fuck, so they likely murdered an entire village of people. So just worse than many Darkfriends I’m sure. (Editors note- we don’t see it but pretty much convinced it happens)

I forgot it was 2k Whitecloaks. Fuck.

Are you fucking kidding me? You’re there to meddle with some townies because you… checks book… don’t like the way they govern themselves. Ok. Assholes

How about you do something useful and go help hold back those strangers instead of this nonsense?

“Taraboners claim the strangers are monsters, creatures of the Dark One. Some say they have Aes Sedai to fight for them.” -a Questioner to Bornhold.

… useless assholes. I’m surprised they recognize Trollocs. They’d take order from a Fade if they spoke their tongue and wore a helmet and swore on the Light they were “good guys”

Maybe you could find better use of that skepticism.

Bornhold is right tho.

Byar?! Nooo. That fucker?

“Stones on a board. But who is moving us? And why?

Seelfish fools I’m sure. Because they want power.

POV change, again!

“Twilight was a troubled time for Liandrin of late, that and dawn. At dawn the day was born, just as twilight gave birth to night, but at dawn, night died, and at twilight, day. The Dark One’s power was rooted in death; he gained power from death, and at those times she thought she could feel his power stirring.” -(Liandrin) uhhh.

Ok books on etiquette. I’d also ignore that tbh

Where is she going with this?

Ok. Information gathering. Hope Amalisa is terrified enough not to tell anyone about this.

Well… really like to dominate huh Liandrin?

Oh looking for the boys. G’luck

Well that usually means they exist.

Liandrin confirming the Black Ajahs existence is a bold move

This is the present right?

Well the boys better get out

And… POV shift! To Fain

… on the last page of the chapter

He got a visitor. But who?

Cliffhanger!

Ch 6

The Dark One. That’s what I’ll call that image

A dream

POV Rand

Really fucked up dream!

His friends fucked up. And Fain, baiaclally normal Fain tho

“Two red-clad Aes Sedai stepped through, bowing their master in. A mask the color of dried blood covered Ba’alzamon’s face…” -(Rand). Still dreaming (editor note: bowing became blowing with spellcheck)

& awakened with terror

Nynaeve!

White morningstars again

I mean that’s just basic respect that one

Make something easier then. But also, the boy you’ve known forever who has a terminal curse will do that

That is so sweet. But she should not be doing that alone

… tbc most of them shouldn’t. Maybe none.

No sweetie half the purpose of servants is to spy on people. Like… Maids are high on the list of doing that sort of thing

Good for her!

Well that was fucking depressing

Oh buddy

Wait does saying his name actually do something? What?!

Idk what to think of that

Nynaeve is great. Like… she’s got the most common sense here. Possibly more than Moiraine rn

Fain free and Egwene in trouble. I’d believe that

Theoretically he is right. She’s been going alone this long why stop now? (I later learn this time in wrong. But she has been going alone)

But that’s not thinking. That’s panic.

Well they found him

Well shit there’s Trollocs in here?! What?!!

Strangely that should make things easier for him

Rand still failing to sword any good

Oh shit. That’s a Fade

Ingtar!

Sneaking. Good approach

Yup. That’s vile. Poor guys

Yea don’t let your name be connected to this

Oh fuck it Liandrin

Well that’s horrible

Wait! Does that count as using the One Power as a weapon? >.>

Oh that’s fucking dark!

Oh she found Mat!

Oh no Mat! Egwene! Well at least they might not be as erm… fucked up

Still not convinced you doing that relates to this

Dancing lights!

Oh, right I honestly stopped imagining all the women in skirts. I may forget again tbh

Hey Fal Dara, maybe you shouldn’t keep your dungeons in darkness huh?

Oh dagger being gone seems, uh, not good

Ingtar!

Oh right Fain escaped. I suppose that’s not a given. So yea reminder, Fain escaped this battle

Is Moiraine doing the ignore Rand so others won’t think he’s important thing too? Like the whole giving him space thing doesn’t feel like the whole of it

What causes madness? Like that sort of those two prisoners… Not Mashadar, not like that. I think? Not the Taint -not for this. Machin Shin might. Or something else

The Fade fled. Huh

Oh noo. The horn is stolen. Oops

Oh… Darkfriends really in here huh?

What the hell? Who had the gates closed then? (I’m betting Amalisa, Koiraine or a Darkfriend)

“You really are going mad if you suspect Ingtar.” -(Rand) thinking to himself. Maybe yea

Lol. I love them but fair

That’s terrifying.

I’m with Rand. Answers!

This feels cruel and manipulative too!

‘Here is 0 advice. Do whatever. Why are you crying potential ~19 yr old Dragon Reborn?’

#series of many thoughts on twot #< block or filter to stop seeing these posts #Tgh #tgh spoilers #the great hunt #the wheel of time #wheel of time #wot #wot book spoilers #twot book spoilers #twot book

[geejaysmith]

Kat and I have amazing conversations sometimes and I felt they had to be shared. Also, alienfuckers, dad jokes, Maxwell’s alternative lifestyle and other headcanons, and Ace Attorney: Doug Eiffel edition. Full transcript under the cut.

Gill [Yesterday at 6:05 PM]: On an Unrelated topic: after the finale the crew remembers "OH YEAH, EIFFEL ACTUALLY HAD A FACE-TO-FACE CONVERSATION WITH ALIENS" and now in addition to all the other reasons to want him to Remember they're really freakin' curious to know how that went

Kat [Yesterday at 6:11 PM]: Minkowski: so what did they look like Eiffel: me (They do seem to like his body, they had a few models to choose from when talking to Cutter.)

Gill [Yesterday at 6:13 PM]: Eiffel, probably: at least the aliens think I'm cool I know what was meant by that but your phrasing made me think "In a shocking turn of events, it is the aliens who are attracted to the human." The aliens... are alienfuckers

Kat [Yesterday at 6:17 PM]: I don't think that's their jam but that WOULD be just his luck

Gill [Yesterday at 6:18 PM]: It is unlikely, but also: it would be hilarious

Kat [Yesterday at 6:21 PM]: the aliens keep sending me mental sexts and i crave death

Gill [Yesterday at 6:22 PM]: And lo another shitpost transforms into a fanfic concept, like a humble irradiated lizard becoming Godzilla: "would you fuck your clone?"

Kat [Yesterday at 6:28 PM]: leave him alone has the man not suffered enough

Gill [Yesterday at 6:28 PM]: No

Kat [Yesterday at 6:29 PM]: sigh

Gill [Yesterday at 6:29 PM]: Dance for my amusement, Douglas And also because I earnestly suspect that in the case of Eiffel and an interested alien-consciousness-in-the-form-of-a-Xerox-copy-of-him the answer would end up being "yes"

Kat [Yesterday at 6:34 PM]: idk i feel like it'd be more like "Oh what you spend two fucking years trying to drag us into the star because you can't be assed to make an appearance but you'll teleport across the galaxy for a booty call? Fuck you and I mean that figuratively" later sluts

Gill [Yesterday at 6:36 PM]: Bob is a bad datemate Is this entire train of thought brought on by the fact I still think of the person who expressed they shipped Bob/Eiffel in the tags of the "Take your double to Disneyland" post? Perhaps

Kat [Yesterday at 6:39 PM]: i don't know that you can have this at the same time as 'what if the aliens' bodies are still the people suppressed' without it getting Fucked Up but that's your perogative I guess as long as I don't have to hear about it family can't walk w me tonight so i need to hit the treadmill for a bit. ttyl

Gill [Yesterday at 6:41 PM]: See u in a bit! But ah yes, I hadn't thought of that til you brought it up Points at one explanation of Dear Listener manifestations for some ideas, points at a different explanation for ideas that would become unintentionally Pretty Fucked Up under the first explanation Although there is comedy potential to be found in Eiffel and Eiffel-2 having the "are we down with this" conversation In the /Justin McElroy voice, "someone just discovered they have ~the world's worst fetish~" sense

Kat [Yesterday at 7:33 PM]: a different terrible concept: eiffel with his pop culture references restored will likely be called upon to testify at the united nations

Gill [Yesterday at 7:37 PM]: O h  g o d Ace Attorney: Doug Eiffel edition

Kat [Yesterday at 7:46 PM]: i mean they're gonna have to tell the world SOMEHOW and i'd think the international court would want to know and he's the one with the subconscious recall implanted sidenote if the DL can do that mental transfer could they have just... asked them to reupload whatever their most recent scan of eiffel was there are so many ways around this that's why it failed to get much of an emotional rxn from me

Gill [Yesterday at 7:47 PM]: Minkowski and Lovelace trying to get him to practice his testimony bc if they hit enough subconscious recall triggers they can at LEAST get thru an explanation of the aliens without Eiffel going off into a tangent Once they're off the Dear Listeners' script though all bets are off

Kat [Yesterday at 7:48 PM]: here's a list of preplanned questions your honor we're not responsible if you ask anything else

Gill [Yesterday at 7:51 PM]: Eiffel, maybe: now Goddard didn't send up us there to bring home any xenomorphs but let me tell you, with the Decima project? They might as WELL have let a facehugger get up close and personal with me The translators rapidly swapping notes on late 70's sci-of cinema because a handful of them actually know what he's talking about

Kat [Yesterday at 7:54 PM]: Minkowski headdesking behind him Eiffel English isn't most of these people's first languages

Gill [Yesterday at 7:57 PM]: The news cameras are all dead-focused on Eiffel. He's hit his stride and is picking up steam. "And it was right around the time I was coughing up my liquefied respiratory system that I thought to myself, gee, I'd MUCH rather get a face of alien wing-wong than deal with this!" Minkowski is off to the side. She is visibly restraining herself. No poker face in the world can hide how hard she is longing for death. Whether it is hers or Eiffel's is a subject of contentious debate.

Kat [Yesterday at 7:58 PM]: someone at an elementary school: hey Garcia, is that your dad

Gill [Yesterday at 8:01 PM]: Anne, who was four the last time she saw her father in person, gets one look at the man weaving an intricate Star Wars metaphor out of crimes against humanity and recognizes him instantly, but signs back "I have never seen this guy before in my life."

Kat [Yesterday at 8:04 PM]: good call kiddo

============

Gill [Yesterday at 8:10 PM]: Honestly I love the concept that no matter how much Eiffel may drive them up the wall sometimes the rest of the crew would meet Anne and immediately be ready to kill a man for her sake

Kat [Yesterday at 8:15 PM]: as far as we know he's the only crewmember with kids women in the military... it wouldn't be easy even if you wanted one, which idk if any of them did

Gill [Yesterday at 8:15 PM]: Wait wait, brainwave: it is actually AMAZING that Minkowski had no idea Eiffel had a child because... does he seem like the kind of guy. Who would ever resist a Dad Joke.

Kat [Yesterday at 8:15 PM]: haha fair

Gill [Yesterday at 8:16 PM]: Eiffel: Actually, I have amazing self-restraint when I choose to exercise it. (Various noises of disbelief.) Eiffel: have you ever heard me tell a dad joke? No? I rest my case

Kat [Yesterday at 8:21 PM]: biggest plot hole of the series more like it was too painful a memory but still

Gill [Yesterday at 8:22 PM]: If he ever patches that connection it'll open the floodgates

Kat [Yesterday at 8:26 PM]: He'll become the Maes Hughes of the gang, except with fewer war crimes

Gill [Yesterday at 8:27 PM]: ...has anyone on this crew done war crimes? SI-5 excepted of course, they have obviously done war crimes

Kat [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: yeah SI5 is war crime central I'm not sure about some of the other stuff executing a prisoner? idk about Minkowski

Gill [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: Also my thought

Kat [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: she wasn't a formal pow though it was an ongoing engagement I don't know the rules

Gill [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: Minkowski Has Done One (1) War Crime (Goddard Futuristics attempts to bring that against her in the court case only for Maxwell to stroll in like lol what's up gang)

Kat [Yesterday at 8:37 PM]: does Goddard in its current incarnation last long enough to sue anyone i mean i think you could sue them for attempted genocide

Gill [Yesterday at 8:38 PM]: Look I have had one semester of business law You were the one who almost went to law school Also re: other characters being parents, the only one I could see going kiiiinda either way on the subject is Lovelace and it wouldn't have been terribly high on her priority list prior to the Hephaestus mission I can see characters having the opinion that they could see Minkowski as a mom but she and her husband both strike me as understanding themselves and one another as being more career-oriented

Kat [Yesterday at 8:44 PM]: yeah if she wanted to rise in the ranks of the military... that would probably be a strike against her

Gill [Yesterday at 8:44 PM] And the implication she's got a Complex about her parents having both left promising careers to raise her Also, Lovelace: Well I always said I could see myself settling down someday, maybe have a family if I met the right person, but when I took the job with Goddard it was legally dubious whether I could actually do that- Eiffel: Because you're an alien? Eiffel: Eiffel: ...wait a sec

Kat [Yesterday at 8:54 PM]: ha It's ok to be gay in space

Gill [Yesterday at 8:56 PM]: Alternatively it's Hera who said that bc didn't connect those dots right away, meanwhile Eiffel saw Lovelace in a flannel shirt once and Knew Immediately Eiffel may be dumb but somehow his Bi-Fi has yet to fail him

Kat [Yesterday at 8:59 PM]: Hera doesn't grasp  human sexuality nuances

Gill [Yesterday at 9:01 PM]: Funny addition to above thought: Eiffel put together that Jacobi was gay after like three days on the Urania, was the only one on the Hephaestus crew to do so, and just never felt it was relevant to bring up Hera, my child... you have much to learn (Also, Hera, probably: I'm experimenting at the moment, I'm looking for a torrent so I can download lesbianism)

Kat [Yesterday at 9:04 PM]: I don't know which option is funnier, that Jacobi is just Really Fucking Obvious but Eiffel was the only one paying attention or that it was super subtle and everyone's like How Did You Do That lovelace's righteous fury overwhelmed her gaydar, she was too mad to go 'same hat'

Gill [Yesterday at 9:07 PM]: Eiffel: I have something to confess to all of you... Jacobi: Eiffel literally not a single person on this ship is straight Eiffel: Oh I was just going to recount a PG version of my wild younger days, let's just say I know a thing or two because I've seen a thing or two.

Kat [Yesterday at 9:07 PM]: Jacobi on Earth: Just matched with myself on Grinder a-fucking-GAIN

Gill [Yesterday at 9:10 PM]: Jacobi: Oh I definitely picked up on it but who wants to go playing into stereotypes by speculating on what may or may not be a promiscuous history? Eiffel: Promiscuous? Look I've got notches in my belt but mostly I just ended up laying in somebody's bathtub at a house party while just conscious enough to nod along to someone else's relationship drama. Eiffel: to several sororities, I was the Gay Bathtub Wizard.

Kat [Yesterday at 9:11 PM]: Maxwell on day one of orientation: So if SI5 is paramilitary what's their stance on alternative lifestyles? Jacobi: I was recruited in a gay bar.

Gill [Yesterday at 9:12 PM]: Her asking the question has my brain going in several different directions

Kat [Yesterday at 9:13 PM]: I think she was recruited right after dadt was repealed... if obama exists in this universe fantasy obama

Gill [Yesterday at 9:15 PM]: One part of my brain: Maxwell is also gay Another part of my brain: Maxwell is exclusively attracted to nonhuman persons Yet another part of my brain, most adjacent to number #2: Maxwell voice, who in their right mind would build a robot that can't fuck? The 4th part of my brain: Maxwell wants to know how chill they'll be with her living exclusively off energy drinks and frozen yogurt for weeks at a time

Kat [Yesterday at 9:15 PM]: honestly I figured whatever it was it was MUCH weirder than just being gay

Gill [Yesterday at 9:15 PM]: Maxwell: I have plans to take over the world with my army of battle bots and rule as their robot queen.

Kat [Yesterday at 9:16 PM]: Maxwell: wait if you were recruited in a gay bar does that mean our boss frequents those or did he just go there to get you Jacobi: Believe me the question haunts me also Jacobi: sounds great i'm in

Gill [Yesterday at 9:16 PM]: Or, Maxwell: I am not joking for an instant when I say that I for one welcome our alien overlords "When I was 13 I tried to get myself abducted by aliens" except it's not a joke it's an actual minor headcanon of mine Also I almost typed "adopted" rather than "abducted" which shows you why Alana would probably want to do that

Kat [Yesterday at 9:19 PM]: she did say she's on bad terms with her family

Gill [Yesterday at 9:20 PM]: She grew up a pastor's kid in a tiny rural town in Montana, hearing that they don't get along is the furthest thing from a surprise to me. The surprise is that Maxwell has a restraining order against them

Kat [Yesterday at 9:21 PM]: tht implies the court found reasonable cause to issue one wack anyway i had a long day, i'm gonna call it a night

Gill [Yesterday at 9:21 PM]: o/ But yeah that Maxwell empathizes with nonhumans, apparently more than with most regular humans, that makes perfect sense to me I can see her frustration with the AI Ethics board in her last job Expressing Their Concerns and her suppressing flashbacks to many a Creationist rant, and trying to keep her eye from twitching visibly, and no I am not projecting I am just coloring in blank spaces in the narrative with my relevant life experience

#wolf 359 #conversations with kat #deliverusfromsburb

[tayegi]

i feel like jk's ex gaslighted him and that's why he's so afraid of relationships - when he was in this original relationship i think she messed up his sense of reality so much that he doesn't want to give someone else the opportunity to manipulate him like that again. while i don't think she and oc are similar i think the jk's feeling the same stuff with oc rn as he did at the beginning of his relationship with his ex and that's why he was a total douche canoe when oc tried to confess (1/?)

Anonymous said:tbh jk is making me v mad, even though he was explicit from the beginning that he didn't want a relationship, because it seems like he's passing on his gaslighting trauma to oc now (if my theory is correct that his ex gaslighted him) with his conflicting actions. i think jk made his own set of new rules following that break up and the fact that oc is bringing those feelings back to him, effectively breaking his rules, resulted in him being such a douche canoe (2/?)

Anonymous said:unlike oc now, i think jk hasn't gotten the chance to confront his ex yet about the abusive aspect of their relationship so he projects his anger and hurt feelings onto other people that would want to date him. like his rxn towards oc was cruel but i think that cruelty stems from his desire to do that to his ex, to make her feel as small/powerless/defeated as he felt as a result of her gaslighting. idk just my thoughts, i hope this theory-crafting wasn't annoying for you Lu (3/3)

Anonymous said:i mean the last line of new rules is you’re getting over him so im gonna be optimistic ab

Anonymous said:hi thank u for writing us that quality smut. it seems to me that jk is in it for sex and companionship. but i do wonder why jk was so jealous of hobi and reader? im sorry if you’ve alr answered that before but bc y/n wants a romantic connection, i wonder who she’ll get it from if she reconciles with jk not ever being able to meet her romantic needs

Anonymous said:i think i'm gonna reread new rules again to get more perspective on this chapter's events; i totally understand what you're saying about JK, his fuckboi ways and the dismissal of platonic feelings, but my mind is used to that shift to romantic feelings in these kinds of stories so i wanna go back and analyze. your stories always get me so worked up :,( i sent asks last night that were probably annoying for you to read (if tumblr didn't eat them) so i'm going back IOT check myself for the future

Anonymous said:Did no one else pick up on jungkook being apparently good at skating on his date with hyejin? Whilst he was terrible at it with the OC...? That was the warning sign for me...

Anonymous said:Something definitely happened in Jungkook’s past for him to have that perspective on relationships. Loved the new chapter of NR, I want you to know that you’re an absolutely amazing writer💛

vickyyy97 said:Wow! The chapter had me on the edge of my seat! My heart was beating so fast! I really want to know the story between him and his ex girlfriend. What happened that made him not go into relationships? Why did he confess if he told her his views on relationships? So many questions! I think Jungkook is scared to go into relationships. Maybe they're not ready. Maybe they need to give their feelings more time. So excited for the time skip! Your writing is absolutely amazing! Take your time please! ❤

Anonymous said:You know the moment when she overheard that they went to skate on a date. I thought that maybe it not him but hyejin took him there? Or is it really him? Is it some kind of his plan? He doesn't want her to catch feeling for him? He is afraid that he hurts her? I'm being ridiculous, right?Then why does he need her to admit that she likes him as well?Oh, he wants her to like him as a good fuxk and a friend.Looking forward to the next chapter (no pressure.just saying.I'll wait as long as I have to)

Anonymous said:✨1// Hello! Silent follower here, hope youre doing well ☺️Just read the new nr update; i loved it and just wanted to share my thoughts hehe. I think of myself as a dense reader (not very good at analysing text 😥) so I’m not sure my interpretation is correct and i apologise if its not! Ahh where do i even begin? Overall i find your portrayal of hook up culture so skillful and accurate.

Anonymous said:✨2// I love the recurring portrayal of the ironic intricacies of hook up culture--the very conflicts and uncertainties people want to avoid when they engage in fwb. I also think your approach to this story and its characters is so raw and refreshing; its so smart the way you integrate some of jungkooks actions so that his thoughts and place in him and oc's relationship are blurred for the readers/oc! The confusion in a lot of your anons i think is a sign of how well youve done it 😅

Anonymous said:✨3// In terms of the whole jungkook-relationship-thing from this update.. jungkook's past relationship clearly affected his view on relationships/what they should be. Maybe he was led to believe that sexual activity should be enjoyed in platonic circumstances? maybe he believes that platonic relationships are stronger than romantic? Or maybe he simply only has platonic feelings for OC-

Anonymous said:✨4// -but is also really expressive/affectionate to his friends, causing her to see his actions as small confessions and eventually developing feelings herself? There r so many different possibilities i can think of but we'll never know until his past is revealed! I’m curious to see what happened. I could keep going abt the things I’m curious abt/love abt this fic & ur writing but this is getting so long kdsndj tysm for ur updates despite being so busy💕💕we rly appreciate all the work u put in!

Anonymous said:New rules is such a wonderful story& I definitely go back to reread each chapter and always end up finding something that makes me love this story more. Thank you for creating something amazing despite being so busy with real life. Also, with the ending of this update,is Jungkook's past relationship with his highschool girlfriend, maybe one of the reasons why he has these views on relationships, the way he does? Almost like a turning point for him, in some ways, to him being who he is now?

Anonymous said:Wasn’t expecting that ending for Chap 9 but I was still awed! That ending makes me want to reread all the chaps leading to the latest because I am guilty of reading them in rose colored glasses. This really makes me think on the amt of romantic undertones I perceived with JK and how false they were. I’m excited where NR is heading because this was unexpected yet in character with how you set the mc and JK from the beginning.

Here are more lovely reactions, theories, and thoughtful questions. I LOVE NEW RULES BOOKCLUB SO MUCH!!! THANK YOU MY LOVELIES

#new rules #anon

[nicolekidmanwigfactory]

my current depressive episode was caused by “Lady Bird”  TL;DR the end

this is just a rant. i didn’t edit it except to correct errors as I went. Either read it or don’t. the run up to finals are stressing me out and bringing out my insecurities so i need to vent. don’t reblog. Beware it goes all over the place. 

Other than the fact i’m now depressed, i really did like lady bird (laurie metcalf is my current pick for supporting actress, but it’s still early to be definitive)

tl;dr at the end.

i saw lady bird over the weekend and the experience of going to a single sex catholic high school has me dwelling on everything i chose to miss out on bc i was fat, bc i felt i didn’t deserve to be happy bc fat people don’t deserve happiness (or at least if they;re me). she was doing all of that teenager bs and i don’t think there was a single thing in that movie she did that I can say I did in high school.

like, i lost the weight in undergrad. but got cancer and developed and eating disorder in the process. so it’s like i was never intended to be thin. always destined to be fat and unhappy bc fat = unhappy. yes i know that’s not true but it’s still my gut rxn even though i always challenge it

but since lady bird all i can think about is what i missed out on. had i been thin in hs, would i have realized i was gay then? would i have realized i didn’t actually like girls bc maye then i’dve gotten some attention from them. i mean, that was my main evidence for denial in undergrad. i can’t be gay bc “i’m not thin enough for girls to like me yet. i’m only having this attraction to guys out of desperation” or some shit like that. had i been thin in hs, maybe i’d’ve had a support system for the eating disorder and depression- those are in the family history, idk if they’d have gone away if i’d been thin to start with. if i’d been thin in hs maybe i wouldn’t be so jaded about the catholic hs i went to. maybe id still be in the blind about what a hypocritical republican vote machine it is (through no fault of the jesuits themselves). that it’s just a mecca for the wealthy to put their sons in one place, or that its emphasis on catholic social teaching attracted them to the school but then they get angry when theyre busted for telling the few (mostly) lower income hispanic students to go back to mexico (i saw that on the news) or telling the black students they only liked and voted for obama in ‘08 bc he’s black, a “half N-word” meaning a “good” black person (that is seared in my brain) or that white people only voted for Obama bc that was the cool thing to do

but rn, i’ve been dwelling on a lot of the social experiences i missed out on in hs. i wasn’t out of the closet yet, but i wasn’t even doing the “straight” ones. i don’t regret not going to prom and homecoming (never appealed to me) but i didn’t have a group of friends to hang out with on the weekends, or meet anyone from the all girls school through them. being “cousin” schools of sorts seemed to make it possible for everyone to reach those milestones of puberty- first kiss, make out sesh, dry hump, and on... everyone but me it seemed (obviously not though). i was already struggling with being gay and trying to deny it, and seeing how my homophobic classmates treated the one out kid my freshman made me never want to go through that. it just seems that if i’d been thin, i could’ve hetero non-confirmation and figured out i was gay earlier and learned to handle it with confidence. bc there was a gay my senior year i could’ve fallen for if i’d let myself

i’m rambling i know. i didn’t intend to write on and on like this but here i am

but since i saw lady bird the other night the stuff that i’m really dwelling on, in case you can’t tell, is the romance stuff from my hs days, and that’s what i really struggle with in terms of my body image and eating disorder issues. lady bird got herself two really cute guys just like that it seems. and they were both thin of course. the romantic aspirations of the one fat character in the movie was, of course, treated mostly as a joke by giving her a crush way out of her supposed league (I mean, he was also a teacher and clearly wasn’t sending or returning signals).

so i again got to witness others having the adolescence i denied myself bc i decided i didn’t deserve it. because i was fat. because fat people don’t deserve happiness. because fat people don’t deserve love. because fat people don’t deserve anything good. because fat people don’t deserve good things

i know this is 100% false. but i STILL fight these thoughts everyday. they’re not consistent and active, but they’re still in the background, nagging at me and reminding me why i’m worthless and a failure if something goes wrong or something bad out of my control happens. “that parking ticket is bc you’re fat” or “that chair broke bc you’re fat, not bc your knee was in the weak spot.”

so when i saw lady bird having those adolescent experiences, it just reminded of the adolescent experiences that i’m not having now. i didn’t come out until after i graduated from undergrad, so they say at age you live through the teenage growing pains and such of sex and romance in your twenties bc you didn’t have the chance to do it when your were “supposed” to. but i’m not doing it now. i’ve only gone on a total of three dates since i came out and in all of them i was still catfishing with my old photos before regained the weight i lost in undergrad when my bulimia turned into non-compensatory binge eating disorder. the first guy didn’t show. the second guy seemed disappointed by saw it to the end. he never texted me again (but i didn’t either bc i was so ashamed). and the guy i liked most, i confessed what i did and cancelled the date bc i felt so bad. he was disappointed but i think he appreciated the (eventual) honesty. we still chat on snap from time to time. and then there was a really hot guy who knew what i actually looked like and wanted to go out, but he turned out to be an escort

even looking like i do, i know i could go out and find a quick hook up but i guess being the product of 18 years of catholic education has impressed on me the value of commitment in a relationship before sex. i’m not saying you gotta be 100% exclusive or get married, but for me, i need to know the person, even if its just a friend. the idea of a nsa hook up leaves me uneasy and while i fantasize about having a hoe phase, until i at least go through that adolescent phase i saw my classmates go through and then relived when i saw lady bird, it’s not gonna happen.

this all makes sense in my head but i’m not going back to edit or clarify what i’ve written. it defeats the purpose of a rant

tl;dr i saw lady bird and it triggered a weird depressive episode rooted in the  extent to which i denied myself happiness during my teen years bc i was so ashamed of being fat since i thought i didn’t deserve to be happy. seeing lady bird have so many of the experiences i’ve never experienced, even as a gay man in his 20s when late-blooming gays are supposed to go through that phase, makes me feel like i’m wasting my time on earth. i’ve beaten cancer and i’m successfully treating my eating disorder and depression, but have nothing to show for it. and when else except the homestretch of the semester for all of this to occur?

#lady bird #depression #eating disorder #cancer