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boysbeloving · 2 years

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Okay....so this post by @domsaysstuff about an Artist!Porsche AU would not leave my head and I was talking to Dom about it and she said 'Write it!' and ....I...don't...write...??!!!

But with encouragement from Dom and KP just sitting in my brain, I wrote something. (Please be gentle this is me losing my fanfic writing virginity)

I would like to thank and lovingly blame Dom for this. and if Dom is my blame spouse then @arewedoneyet is my blame-in-law....bestie that photo of apo is....something

@nattaphum have you seen this apo? ofc you must have seen this apo...you have seen all apos...a true fan

ANYWAY!

This is chapter 1 of the fic!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kinn shows up at Porsche's apartment at the agreed time. He rings the doorbell, twice.

He wants to turn around and leave. He feels awkward standing outside the apartment of a man he barely knows. 'It's business. It's for business,' he tells himself and gathers some willpower to continue facing a closed door.

The door finally opens.

"Oh! You're actually here. Wow. You must think really highly of my art." Porsche leaves the door wide open for Kinn to enter and he has already turned away from him by the time he speaks the last line.

'Rude,' Kinn thinks. 'At least look at me while talking to me.'

Kinn enters a modest room. The painting set up is arranged on one side of the room and there is a mattress on the other. There's a small display shelf with family photographs and trophies. An eclectic collection of books occupies some space too.

"Why don't you sit here," Porsche waves his hand in the general direction of the easel. "And I'll start with the painting once I've freshened up and eaten something. Sounds good?" An insincere smile creeps up on Porsche's face.

Before Kinn can protest and remind Porsche that he's a busy man who has an art gallery to run, Porsche has disappeared into the bathroom.

When they finally get to the painting process, Porsche shifts Kinn's position four times in a span of twenty minutes. Sometimes the angle is not right, sometimes the light is unflattering and sometimes Porsche just doesn't feel it.

Porsche, of course, is doing all of this simply to get on Kinn's nerves, to waste the rich man's precious time and to physically manoeuvre the powerful man as he pleases. He can see that Kinn is getting frustrated but Kinn makes no comment and agrees to all of Porsche's demands. 'He has immense control,' a thought passes Porsche's mind.

Once Porsche has set everything in place, he goes to his canvas and makes a show of drawing big strokes and keeps shifting his eyes from the canvas to Kinn's form perched on a stool.

***

Kinn had looked at Porsche's art displayed at Yok's Gallery two weeks ago. He was immediately taken in by the bold strokes, the vibrant colours and the blatant honesty depicted in the pieces. When asked about the artist, Yok had informed Kinn that Porsche was a small independent artist (who hated the concept of elite art galleries and stuck up rich people who consumed art for show and fake sophistication). Kinn had then approached Porsche with an offer to have his art displayed in one of his high art galleries. He had convinced Porsche that he needed to give him only one art piece, that's all. And the money Kinn offered was generous. And it would be paid in advance.

Porsche was against the idea as it did not align with his principles. But he was also acutely aware of how his bank balance did not align with the increasing cost of living. The extra money would help with the rent and some daily expenses. This in turn meant that Porsche's own earnings and savings could be diverted to his little brother Chay's education. Porsche had agreed to Kinn's demand on one condition. Kinn was to be the model for Porsche's art piece. And this is the reason Kinn is in Porsche's house on a Thursday (of all days).

***

Kinn sits absolutely still. His body is buzzing with excitement and nervousness. Kinn doesn't want to ruin Porsche's concentration so he controls himself and stills himself so he can be captured on canvas. If Porsche is doing this for him then he will do everything in his power to support this in every way he can.

Porsche continues to make a show of sketching Kinn. It is a show because Porsche has already painted Kinn. He had taken the photo reference from the art gallery's website and completed the painting two days ago. Just because he's getting generous amounts of money for this doesn't mean he's not bitter about it. 'Fuck it. I'll make the most generic portrait ever and add some bold background colours and call it a day,' Porsche had thought when the money vs principles debate had gone on for too long in his head. He is now simply amusing himself by making a man like Kinn dance to his tunes under the guise of painting him live.

"That's it for today. I've made great progress!" Porsche says in a loud voice. 'Maybe I need to tone it down a bit,' he thinks quietly to himself.

"Oh! But it has only been one hour. That's it?" inquires a genuinely surprised Kinn.

"Yeah. I can't paint for more than one hour at a stretch. I need a break to recharge my creative muscles you know," Porsche answers smugly.

"Will the piece be completed within a week at this pace?"

"Khun Kinn, are you doubting my creative process?"

"No! Absolutely not! I apologise if I overstepped. I trust you to stick to the committed timeline. May I take a look at what you have done today?"

Porsche freezes. "Aaaaahhhh. No. You can't look. That's not how I work. You'll get to look at the final piece and I am open to one round of minor revision. That's how this goes."

Kinn stares at Porsche's face. Porsche feels naked, as if all his lies are written on his face.

"Sure. I respect your creative process, Porsche. I'll see the painting when you're ready to show it to me. See you tomorrow." And with that Kinn opens the door and walks out of Porsche's apartment.

***

This goes on for a full three days. Kinn shows up on time. Porsche wastes the first twenty minutes and then fakes painting for an hour. Kinn has come to Porsche's house in the same suit, the same hairstyle, the same socks and the same shoes. 'Is he wearing the same underwear too?' Porsche thinks to himself. And he reminds himself not to think about Khun Kinn's underwear, or about Khun Kinn changing underwear.

This goes on for a full three days and Porsche cannot take it anymore. There's kindness in Kinn's eyes that Porsche cannot escape. There's sincerity in Kinn's actions that make Porsche feel guilty. There's determination and grit in Kinn's stance that makes Porsche question his integrity. 'I...don't do this. I don't cheat people. I don't take advantage of them. This...is not me.'

This goes on for a full three days and Porsche breaks. He needs to be physically away from this facade.

"I'm hungry. Let's go out to eat," Porsche blurts out.

"Right now? What about the painting?"

"Khun Kinn, nourishment is important for an artist. We don't just survive on 'inspiration' you know," Porsche answers in mock admonishment.

Kinn laughs.

'He laughs? OMG he laughs,' Porsche files this information somewhere deep in his head.

Porsche takes Kinn to the busy streets of the town. He seems to know every aunty selling fried insects and all the uncles preparing noodles. Porsche laughs freely, gives compliments unabashedly and takes compliments surprisingly well! (no shyness, no argument, no dismissal) Kinn thinks about how confident Porsche is in himself and it warms his heart. He feels he has met a sincere hearted person for the first time in a long while. Maybe he's a bit jealous of Porsche's freedom. He's also enamoured by his looks. Now that Kinn can look at Porsche without having to be conscious of his own pose, he observes how the light shines on his skin making it shine golden. How his hair flies in the wind, how he sticks out his tongue a bit while cracking a joke, how he tips his head back while blowing smoke out of his pretty mouth ('He has a pretty mouth and his lips seem to be soft,' Kinn thinks and files this information deep in his head) and how he's so tactile. Kinn finds himself being unreasonably envious of the people who know Porsche so closely. They get to listen to his jokes, they get to see him laugh, they get to be lovingly touched by him. Kinn tries hard to remember if anyone's casually touched him, just a simple hand on his arm while walking or a lingering touch on the shoulder to catch his attention or a leg pressed up against his while sitting. And he draws a blank. This is when he decides that the timeline for the painting can be relooked at. His priority now is to experience this strange closeness, and to deepen it. His priority now is to hang out with Porsche.

***

There is now only one more day remaining. Kinn has not brought up the deadline since the first day. It's about to be a week. Kinn has always offered to go out after spending some customary time perched on the stool. 'How about some nourishment for the body and the soul, Porsche?' Kinn's voice rings in Porsche's head and it brings a smile to his face. They have spent entire days together, eating, talking, taking public transport, clicking photographs. And all those moments have been filled with laughter and fun.

Porsche looks at the completed portrait of Kinn, referenced from the gallery website. And decides to tear it apart.

He unlocks his phone and looks for the one photograph he had taken of Kinn laughing at the joke one of the market aunties had cracked. He prepares a new canvas and starts painting.

***

Kinn doesn't show up at Porsche's apartment the next day. He messages him to come to the gallery at 5 in the evening.

With the final portrait?

No, just you.

Porsche is secretly relieved because it gives him more time to finish the new portrait. But he's also disappointed that he doesn't get to casually spend time with Kinn. Had he taken it for granted? Had he allowed himself to hope for something that might never happen? Had he crossed some invisible line? He chases away these thoughts and continues to work on the portrait till it is time to go meet Kinn.

***

It is a big building. 'So much space! There could be houses here!' anger flares up in Porsche but he quickly gathers himself again.

He's met with a young, bright and smiley man in a suit.

"Hello! You must be Porsche. I'm Pete, Khun Kinn's assistant. I'll take you to him. Please come this way with me."

He passes the corridor and he can see the display area. The art pieces put up are not just the ones conforming to the current trends and commercial in nature. There are different art forms. Ones that he has seen in underground forums, or belong to other independent artists he's heard of.

"Does Khun Kinn hunt for independent artists and showcase their art in his gallery?" Porsche is curious and it does seem like a long corridor to walk.

"Yes! Khun Kinn is passionate about art. He appreciates all styles. He ensures that a section is dedicated to an independent artist at every open event. He does it because he wants to have good art displayed in the gallery and also because he insisted that supporting independent artists be a CSR programme of the parent company."

"Parent company?"

"Oh yes! Khun Kinn doesn't simply run an art gallery. He's a businessman. Here we are. Khun Kinn, Porsche is with me."

Before Porsche can process this information he's met with Kinn looking sharp in a suit. It's a different suit, not the one he wears for the painting sessions. 'He would have changed his underwear for sure,' Porsche thinks vaguely.

"Ah Porsche. Good you are here. There is a situation and I feel you could be of help."

Kinn places three paintings on the conference table. All of them are in the same style. They look familiar.

"Do you know who painted these? I feel you might know the painter."

"Yes. This is Namphueng's work. She's an independent artist like me. We are close. She's like family to me. Why do you ask, Kinn?"

There's slight movement in the room. How dare this T-shirt and jeans wearing man address their boss without honorifics? But Kinn is completely unfazed. He continues to speak to Porsche as if no one else in the room matters.

"Namphueng? I have been told that a Khun Gun has made these paintings. He has returned from abroad and having studied art from famous universities, he would like to showcase his work in my gallery. These three paintings are samples."

"No. This is Namphueng's work. Her husband was shot dead by loan sharks three months ago. She has two small children to support. She was surviving on her savings. She knows about my financial struggles so I think she never discussed it with me when money became tight. Khun Gun must have taken advantage of her desperation and offered her a deal. He's using her talent and passing it off as his own."

"Thank you, Porsche. This is what I wanted you to confirm."

And then Porsche sees Kinn in his element. The Kinn he had seen when they had met the first time. He orders for Namphueng to be located, contacted and brought to the office. He orders that a meeting be arranged with Khun Gun. He wants the legal team to be present in the meeting too. He downs his whiskey in one big gulp and asks for the reports on the last open event held in the gallery: the footfall, the sales, the popularity of the artist, the coverage in the press and the revenue sheet.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Porsche. Thank you for your time."

And with that Porsche is being escorted out of the conference hall.

***

When he reaches home, Porsche thinks about Kinn. How he has been with him all this while: speaking softly, asking politely, laughing loudly, eating EVERYTHING enthusiastically, shopping excitedly at thrift stores. And he thinks about how comfortable they've become in each other's company. They get into each other's personal space, call each other 'satt' fondly, share food from the same plate, in fact Kinn has been wearing Porsche's clothes for their daily outings (because Kinn of course shows up in that one suit for the consistency of the painting). Porsche is overwhelmed. He stares at the almost completed portrait of a gloriously laughing Kinn.

And it hits him. It hits him like a freight train. Kinn opened up to him. Kinn opened up to him so intimately. Porsche has had people posing for him break down. They say they feel naked under his eyes. They feel like all their sins are laid bare. They feel like repenting. And Porsche understands that. He understands the power of art, the intensity of an artist's gaze (he's been in that position). And he has comforted those people, given them space in his arms to cry their hearts out, given them the safety of the room to be able to scream and confront themselves.

How did he miss it with Kinn? It is only after the events of the evening that Porsche really understood how Kinn's walls had crumbled around him, how open Kinn was being. Kinn broke down too: not in tears but in laughs.

Porsche decides to paint the background red.

***

Kinn shows up at Porsche's apartment the next day at their agreed time.

He goes to sit in the designated spot but Porsche holds him by his arm.

"The portrait is complete. I would like to show it to you."

Porsche sees disappointment in Kinn's eyes. He understands; he feels the same way. What excuse would they have to meet up with each other now? 'It was good while it lasted,' Porsche thinks quietly.

He unveils the portrait. And Kinn is thoroughly confused.

"I...didn't pose like this."

"Yeah...about that. I took some artistic liberties," Porsche says with a cheeky smile.

Kinn smiles and then laughs. Both of them laugh.

After the laughing fit passes, Porsche confesses, "You look cute when you smile. And you look adorable when you laugh. I had to capture that. I hope you're okay with the painting. Do you approve or is there any revision you would like to suggest? You get one round of revision, remember."

"Let me think about it. Would that be okay?"

"Of course! It's your painting after all!"

Kinn gives Porsche one of his brilliant smiles.

"Ever since you've come here you haven't stopped smiling. Why?"

"Is it that obvious?" Kinn lowers his head and smiles. "Here I feel free, I don't have to please the shareholders, I don't have to be a boss, I don't have a schedule, I don't have to worry about authenticity."

Kinn extends his hand for Porsche to hold. And Porsche does exactly that.

"I would love to live like this...here, Porsche."

Porsche intertwines his fingers with Kinn's.

"Kinn, come on. Be real. You can't live like this. It's not easy. In your life you have so many people to help you at home and at work. It will be uncomfortable for you here."

"It'll be okay as long as it is with you. I-"

"Can you cook even one thing?" Porsche cuts into Kinn's idealistic romantic rant.

"Of course I can!" Kinn responds offended. "My eggs are delicious."

Porsche scoffs at the deliberate delivery of the line. Both of them look at each other and burst out laughing. ('What's a bit of balls innuendo between us,' Porsche thinks)

But Kinn's smile lasts longer on his lips, his gaze on Porsche slightly more intense and Porsche feels something stir inside of him. With newfound courage and intrigue he says,

"Well, why don't you feed me your eggs and I'll tell you how good they are."

***

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