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#anyway gonna talk about it more when i can pero for now i honestly dont have the energy or the words
claviclez · 2 years
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d-criss-news · 4 years
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Royalties Soundtrack Listening Event | Darren Criss Chat (July 7th, 2020)
Darren Criss 18:02:04
wait ha
Darren Criss 18:02:08
sorry yall
Darren Criss 18:02:12
this is confusing me of course
Darren Criss 18:02:29
this is new for me too friends
Darren Criss 18:02:45
well i'm here but I can't hear shit so gimme a sec
Darren Criss 18:04:00
well I'll just keep typing here guys
Darren Criss 18:04:04
bro
Darren Criss 18:04:07
wilma
Darren Criss 18:04:15
i'm tryin
Darren Criss 18:04:57
21kxuv372ubcprrbpiefadt6i
What was your favorite song to write for the show?
They each were really fun so that's hard to say but Hate That I Need You surprised the hell outta me
Darren Criss 18:05:30
bettic72
darren non capisco un cazzo
anchio pero sti cazzi siamo qui
Darren Criss 18:05:49
genevievephillips
point and laugh at darren
yes let's laugh at him
Darren Criss 18:06:18
2162bkuccm7xje6yfgmuzrnyq
You inspired me to write my own songs 🥺👉🏼👈🏼
thanks for writing the first positive thing I've seen on this. That's wonderful! I hope to hear them!
Darren Criss 18:06:43
clo :)
i love that we are all grandparents when it comes to this
thank you for using the appropriate WE pronouns ha yeah this shit is confusing
Darren Criss 18:08:44
zcvmtsgee5mom80oxeesa4v11
Darren how do you deal with stage fright .... i’ve been preforming in front of people for a while and i i still get scared . Does it ever go away ?
i guess it depends on how big the crowd is. everybody's different but I will say any kind of fright means you care, which is a good thing! Also the thing people forget about performing, for the most part, is you can't SEE the audience, most of the time they're in the dark. That's why performing for friends or in a small space where you can see everyone is much more nerve-racking
Darren Criss 18:08:57
Dana
Darren can we have a royalties tour once rona is over???
wouldn't that be fun!
Darren Criss 18:09:15
emilybutcher30
darren can you start streaming on twitch please haha i love you
ha can't compete with King Urie man
Darren Criss 18:10:06
jake2000w
Darren, I know it’s all weird right now, but do you have any idea when we might see Nerdy Prudes Must Die?
what a good question. I have no idea but I've been wanting to see that show for almost as long as I've wanted to make Royalties. The boys have been talking about that one for a while now.
Darren Criss 18:10:16
jesiqseigle56
Can you like respond .
like yeah
Darren Criss 18:10:27
abbyforsmark
has Darren even said anything on this?
nope nothing
Darren Criss 18:12:39
u6iczx4gua0att2g4kd2vdzwe
Did you write each of the songs with the performers in mind or did you cast them afterwards?
great question. Except for "Also You," which was written with Jackie Tohn for Jackie Tohn, we had no idea who would sing each song. I did the demos for almost all of them and then we had to pitch actors/artists to see if they'd be interested... which wasn't as hard (luckily) as seeing if they were AVAILABLE... which many weren't given the short time we had to make the show. Hopefully we can get some of those folks on for the next season IF THEY'LL LET US HAVE ONE!
Darren Criss 18:13:52
delfi
darren royalties is so good i'm fucking proud of you
thanks for watching it, truly. I know the Quibi thing is strange for people so I appreciate you giving it all a chance : )
Darren Criss 18:14:04
Caitlyn A :)
if you see this kick your shoes off
I would but no shoes
Darren Criss 18:14:27
t59glm18dkw84n64l72jcuvpc
come to the uk challenge
god i wish.
Darren Criss 18:15:39
damn someone said "travel to UK challenge" and I meant to respond "find a vaccine challenge"
Darren Criss 18:17:08
i can't hear any of these songs but I"m just gonna start saying random shit about them
Darren Criss 18:17:16
first off, i really wanted a theme song
Darren Criss 18:17:23
that was a whole thing
Darren Criss 18:19:18
Had to cut through a lot of red tape to make sure we had that silly song in there. We were already in the middle of post production when I finally got it approved, but it had to be under 15 seconds. I wrote 3 diff versions. So glad it ended up working. Theme songs accomplish so much in such a short period of time. Establishes tone. Gives the audience an almost Pavlovian response to the familiarity of the characters... I'm happy with it
Darren Criss 18:20:12
also the "doo doo doo" lyrics are meant to sound like "scratch vocals" when songwriters record vocals with temporary gibberish lyrics with the intent of filling them in with real ones later
Darren Criss 18:22:29
Just That Good was a concept that started the entire 1st season, and it was one of those instant-songs where Nick and Matt told me the title and I immediately had the hook just from those words. That only happens every once in a while and I was so happy it did for that song. The tricky part was writing the rest of it, but the back half of the song with the chorus repeating that one refrain over and over- that was the melody from the get go
Darren Criss 18:23:08
I'll get back to Break it In, kick your shoes/let your hair, and kong later... i'll just go off on this one
Darren Criss 18:23:48
so I wanted to nod to the grandeur of everyone's favorite vampire elf, Jared Leto
Darren Criss 18:24:05
not HIM specifically, but 30 seconds to mars' very BIG music videos
Darren Criss 18:24:29
i dont jared is a buncha self centered nutcases like our guys in SWITCHBACK JACKET
Darren Criss 18:24:37
* i don't think Jared... 
Darren Criss 18:25:38
anyway yeah "so much better..." comes from a lot of the 90s alt rock that I grew up on, and the mix of that sound with a bit of electronic production was an effort to contemportize it as much as possible
Darren Criss 18:26:26
but the rhythm guitar, lots of power chords and high octaves were all harkening to my fave bands like Lit and Eve 6... but put through a strange bizzaro nickleback/creed performance filter
Darren Criss 18:26:55
"make you come true" is obviously a very salacious play on words
Darren Criss 18:28:27
so the only way to make it feel earnest is if we made the track itself sexy as possible. A lot of the songs, even without being written, leant themselves to a certain genre just by the title, and this one was kind of a no-brainer. Sexy mid tempo r&b. And I didn't even know we'd get Jordan Fisher to do it- who SMASHED the vocal.
Darren Criss 18:29:42
lauraacampbell-12
DARREN CHORDS OR LYRICS FIRST WHEN WRITING A SONG?
it's different every time but for this show specifically it's always title/idea first, and then the song comes from there. But that's because we're writing a show, so we have the luxury of getting to write from a specific place. It's much harder to do that in your own life when you just want to pull a title/idea from your own experience of life. I commend people that do that all the time.
Darren Criss 18:30:06
what's NUTS about prizefighter is...
Darren Criss 18:30:24
it was originally a song called LONG RANGER that BONNIE MCKEE sang, who I wrote the song with
Darren Criss 18:30:38
and in the video we had CHRISSY TIEGEN lipsynching
Darren Criss 18:30:44
it was bananas
Darren Criss 18:31:26
we ultimately couldn't use the song because of some complicated writers shit- not too dissimilar from the things we explore in our own show, which is just totally ironic.
Darren Criss 18:32:56
we were so bummed that we couldn't use the song but I'm actually really really happy with PRIZEFIGHTER. I love the song, and I love how it turned out production wise. I love how much of a massive influence latin x rhythms have had across the entire spectrum of mainstream music, so I wanted try my own hand at nodding to it!
Darren Criss 18:33:08
Lara :)!
Ahhhhh so was that the pilot song you were talking about last week?
that's the one
Darren Criss 18:33:45
hbz3jctrg5rwwma640hahffvt
You have inspired me to learn piano I already know how to play teanage dream now
you can thank Bonnie Mckee aka Kimmy Kelly for writing that song!
Darren Criss 18:34:01
ok then there's the k pop song
Darren Criss 18:34:08
honestly i had no idea where I was gonna start on this one
Darren Criss 18:34:22
full props to the brilliant CJ Baran who I wrote this song with
Darren Criss 18:34:39
we were just toying around with very industrial-sounding samples
Darren Criss 18:35:21
and I started singing Edvard Grieg's "in the hall of the mountain king"
Darren Criss 18:35:33
and he was the guy that was like YEAH JUST PUT IT IN THERE
Darren Criss 18:35:46
and i realized, oh yeah, that song is public domain
Darren Criss 18:35:59
and kinda ties perfectly to the nature of Elia Peck and his songwriting... huh.
Darren Criss 18:36:05
So we went for it from there.
Darren Criss 18:36:17
based the lyrics off of what the Neals say in the room.
Darren Criss 18:36:34
and then just wrote a bunch of ALMOST nonense lyrics about things that you could HATE that you NEED
Darren Criss 18:36:40
things like available wifi...
Darren Criss 18:37:01
artistinal mai-tais.... yeah I guess if you really really liked those you could HATE that you NEED them...
Darren Criss 18:37:04
etc etc
Darren Criss18:38:16
but the idea was to have Mariam Hale's character hardly do ANYTHING on the track, since she, as the audience sees, doesn't really have much to offer... so we just built it around this huge track with crazy lyrics that just tees up a tag for her to say without even having to sing: I HATE THAT I NEED YOU
Darren Criss18:38:43
2235n5s2qk5hjsujbhk5ilpva
I have classes in 10 minutes, and I'm not leaving until you dedicate a Royalties song to me.
looks like you're gonna miss calss
Darren Criss 18:39:09
"calss" ha. which is like "class" but like... different.
Darren Criss 18:39:32
alrighty PERFECT SONG
Darren Criss 18:39:38
i really love this song as well
Darren Criss 18:40:02
the reveal of this song is that they keep talking about this "perfect song" they've written
Darren Criss 18:40:26
in other words we're teeing up a pretty big expectation of what a perfect song could possibly sound like
Darren Criss 18:40:36
the reveal of course is that the song itself is in fact just called "perfect song"
Darren Criss 18:40:43
which is ABOUT a perfect song
Darren Criss 18:41:07
and about TRYING TO WRITE a perfect song, and how that's not necessary when you have someone that IS the perfect song
Darren Criss 18:41:20
when we wrapped our heads around that idea, I really loved it 
Darren Criss 18:42:10
you'll notice we reference a lot of incredible songs, almost citing them as perfect songs themselves
Darren Criss 18:42:14
ain't no mountain high enough
Darren Criss 18:42:55
of course leonard cohen's seminal Hallelujah
Darren Criss 18:44:05
and of course Britney's Oops I Did It Again ha ;)
Darren Criss 18:45:00
the Oops being a layered joke of being annoyed with oneself that they AGAIN unwittingly wrote a lyric for already massive song, but in doing so citing yet ANOTHER already massive song... if that makes any sense
Darren Criss 18:45:27
sorry for the typos yall i'm moving fast, i'd never let this shit slide if it wasn't a casual chatroom vibe
Darren Criss 18:46:37
emzlolly1234
Did you know you wanted there to be a romantic thing between pierce and Sara?? :))))
yes that was actually our original "pilot presentation" episode. the one with the song LONE RANGER and Chrissy Tiegen. It was a longer version of what would become episode 7. We THINK it's a romantic thing but you realize that Sara is just playing Pierce to get the song she needs. That was always the premise yes.
Darren Criss 18:46:51
luzmargotramos
if you reply with a single dot I'd probably die
then I better steer clear of any dots
Darren Criss 18:47:04
ALSO YOU was an amazing lightning in a bottle moment
Darren Criss 18:47:09
FULL CREDIT TO JACKIE TOHN
Darren Criss 18:47:22
i always enjoy giving credit where credit is due
Darren Criss 18:48:24
and I came in pretty hot for most of the songs- concepts, chords, style... but this one literally was a simple as Jackie Sitting down and just playing "It's you I love but also you and also you and also you."
Darren Criss 18:48:37
we all just looked at each other going, welp, yup, that's it, jackie you fuckin rule
Darren Criss 18:49:28
the song would have ended up very differently if she hadn't brought that to the table. the original episode and song was "one true loves" which isn't nearly as good of a gag/title as "also you"
Darren Criss 18:49:50
i ended up squeezing "one true loves" into the bridge, but of course, kept ALSO YOU as the main event
Darren Criss 18:50:02
i will say I was also trying to spoof my brother's old band, FREELANCE WHALES a little bit
Darren Criss 18:50:26
if you guys know the song "generator first floor" where they sing ay ay ay ay ay a lot...
Darren Criss 18:50:35
... as a lot of bands and songs had featured at the time...
Darren Criss 18:51:00
i wanted to put them all in one joke. where a band sang not only hey hey hey but ay and EE and AYE and OH and basically all the vowels
Darren Criss 18:51:10
which was where the joke of,
Darren Criss 18:51:20
a, e, i, o, and also u
Darren Criss 18:51:21
came from
Darren Criss 18:51:32
which i'm particularly proud of
Darren Criss 18:51:56
ok let's talk about BREAK IT IN
Darren Criss 18:54:16
lxucxthxrxnx_
I’m a musician myself (not that great lol) what was it like coming up with the melodic side did you play any instruments for the songs?
i played instruments on all the songs except Break It In and I Hate That I Need You, since those were all electronic. That's not to say i played EVERY instrument but I definitely played AN instrument of some kind for the others.
Darren Criss 18:55:34
as for break it in... anyway... yeah that was a blast. Nick Lang and I collaborated with my buddy Kendo who goes by the artist name KingJet.
Darren Criss 18:56:54
Kendo has worked on a lot of legit songs in the hip hop space. For each song I wanted to make sure there was a level of authenticity to what we were doing. I didn't wanna SPOOF the songs. I wanted the songs to sound rock solid and that it would be the LYRICAL CONCEPTS that would be the source of satire. So Kendo was a great guiding light to keep the track as authentic as possible.
Darren Criss 18:59:47
We explained to Kendo the whole joke concept of the song, which is basically just turning the idea of toxic masculinity on its head, and he was on top of it immediately- when we told him that there's this guy that's really concerned that people think he "fucks too soft" he immediately started spitting out lyrics like the hilariously defiant "I'm the KING OF THE HARD FUCK"
Darren Criss 19:00:35
which just killed me and Nick. It was just so juvenile that it was adorable to me
Darren Criss 19:00:57
emzlolly1234
Darren you’ve been here for an hour? That’s the length of royalties man xxx
yeah aint it great
Darren Criss 19:02:21
sophie :)
i personally think you should try your hand at writing a drill song, a british genre of rap that centres around rapping unrelated lyrics in front of chicken shops, personally think it has the right tone for the show for a season two
drill would be siq. I mean, opening the incredible pandora's box of UK based hip hop in general is its own magical wormhole of nuance and history and regional culture. it's amazing. i'd really have to do some homework if I wanted to pull that off!
Darren Criss 19:02:49
cd2gu4ceqx4am9otf9hzwzivs
he’s talking again guys be worried he might write another essay
ok sorry i'll stop
Darren Criss 19:02:51
:)
Darren Criss 19:03:03
cd2gu4ceqx4am9otf9hzwzivs
he’s talking again guys be worried he might write another essay
kidding!
Darren Criss 19:03:39
fsheldens
when darren actually cares about us 🥺
awww i always do! I just wasn't built for internet stuff.
Darren Criss 19:04:20
alpermehdi
speaking of nick how was it to work with nick??
the best. Nick is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.
Darren Criss 19:04:51
chloe :)!
what would be ur karaoke song choice from the show?
mighty as kong
Darren Criss 19:07:32
isa.kowo
How much music theory goes into your songwriting? And did you learn all of it from playing the violin? In what way does it go into your songs?
all GREAT questions. I mean, music theory isn't something you CONSCIOUSLY employ when writing something, it's just that it really helps to know the rules or music when shaping it and trying to maximize its production. And as a matter of fact, yeah, I DID learn most of it playing violin. But when I was playing violin I was ingesting music from the perspective of a student ingesting information, not as a proactive creator putting anything of my own out into the world.
Darren Criss 19:08:07
Honestly I really didn't start UNDERSTANDING music theory until I started writing music for other people, and noticing certain things and chords and shapes had names and that they could be manipulated to accomplish certain things
Darren Criss 19:08:35
so most of my academic musical knowledge came in my 20s when I tried to start doing it professionally
Darren Criss 19:08:52
Nick
first instrument you ever learnt?
violin
Darren Criss 19:09:07
andyruiz080
I'm castin' my love net wide And fillin' every hole in my schedule
ha love that line
Darren Criss 19:09:29
missweggy
Darren are you a big queen fan ( the band lol ) 😂
is the pope catholic
Darren Criss 19:12:00
ChloeOmelia
Now its available, would you change anything?
jesus so much. but such is the nature of creating stuff. there's a great Hayao Miyazaki quote about always having to make new stuff to escape the woe of all the mistakes you made in your last thing... I mean, that's a bit extreme, I feel like we did the best we could given the circumstance but I totally get where Miyazaki is coming from. And in many ways that's everything we do in life. Do your best, know what you coulda done better and carry on
Darren Criss 19:12:36
dj._.quackers
who or what was your biggest inspiration growing up
the beatles. the uk. the 60s.
Darren Criss 19:13:02
Astriddd
Your first original song was "Not Alone". I'm right?
no it was actually a song i wrote in the third grade when I got a guitar for Christmas called "Save The Whales"
Darren Criss 19:14:29
hiiqsbo9358wvfkcjcsgsu4lb
Darren I need an answer it’s been annoying me for days. So was everyone fucking everyone in Pierces old band or was she just fucking everyone seperately??
ha that's a really great question. I figured she was just fucking everyone individually, which is why the band was so contentious but then again I'd rather let your imagination run wild...
Darren Criss 19:15:29
jphxxk5wjnaqnhuv806wmohdt
Darren, I love your taste in music. You should share your personal playlists ... bc everybody needs to know phantom planet 😉
if i actually shared my tastes in music, or actually shared the amount of stuff in my brain at the rate that I want to share, I would never work on or create anything because i would constantly be on the internet and you'd all be over me if you weren't already
Darren Criss 19:16:01
But yes, thank you for saying that, I love me my phantom planet oh so very much :)
Darren Criss 19:16:18
juli.nuttini
could you please answer me I don't speak English and I'm putting ALL my effort into asking you questions I'm going to cry
wow your english is actually pretty great
Darren Criss 19:17:08
I'd like to write a song with Howard Ashman
Darren Criss 19:17:23
dancebaby218
Was kick your shoes off inspired by your Hedwig shoes?
nah cuz that shit was actually comfy
Darren Criss 19:17:55
12169199549
i skipped my clarinet class because of you for the third time :) what can i say to my teacher?
that Darren says you should have gone to clarinet class!!!
Darren Criss 19:18:34
qalektvmexab6gfwibfihwu6b
Could you please answer me. We’ve supported you for years from the uk and we’re staying up for this but it’s totally worth it because you’re amazing!! Molly x
I wish so bad I could go to the UK!
Darren Criss 19:20:01
FUCK someone asked about Sam Farrar and I wanted to answer it but it disappeared... Sam is a homie. one of my very first songwriting sessions was with him and a very famous member of the pop universe... who if I get a season two, I'm putting in the show.
Darren Criss 19:22:00
9nc1yow3iwnp9p3fs4gcvdnsf
what other instruments would you like to learn in the future?
i just need to spend time trying to get better at the ones I've plateaued with. I feel like I got as good as I'd ever get on the guitar when i was like 19. So I've been trying to get better during the Quarantine. Picked up my violin and dusted off that Vivaldi, started doing drum rudiments on my drum pad, and started learning new licks and scales for guitar. Stuff I never got round to doing.
Darren Criss 19:22:27
harefraz
mr. criss sir, what is your top quarantine activity?
playing music
Darren Criss 19:23:26
actually lies. top quarantine activity is learning Japanese. 30 minutes a day. And it's been several months. Almost got Hiragana down, still got a few characters I'm questionable with but with any luck I'll start up on Katakana in the next few weeks.
Darren Criss 19:23:40
224abi6avvottcsacto7vx46a
What about working with Mark hamill ? Insane right
you said it
Darren Criss 19:23:54
t7sxis7855cd329gaa6iyty8v
Any updates on American Buffalo? 🥺👉🏼👈🏼
it's opening next year!
Darren Criss 19:24:09
for the record this is really fun I'm enjoying this guys
Darren Criss 19:26:26
Rachael
How different is it doing a show like Royalties where you're heavily involved in the creative process compared to other projects you've done in the past?
i'd say night and day but that's an understatement. When I did Glee all I had to do was act in scenes, record songs, and go to dance rehearsal. With Royalties, it's that AND casting, doing pre production, post production, notes, meetings, notes, writing and producing songs, location scouting, blah blah blah lots of the stuff that you don't have to worry about if you're not a creator. But make no mistake I absolutely love it.
Darren Criss 19:27:41
Aisha
learn spanish
I'll get there. I already speak a bit of Italian so I wanted the challenge of learning something that didn't use a writing system I already understood.
Darren Criss 19:28:23
rosieellenxx_
I take Music Technology as a subject at school and we have to make a whole song with the sole sample of glass breaking...
sounds fun. loads of things you can do with that.
Darren Criss 19:28:48
21ynx6niidf2amx5nzilihsga
What are your goals for once quarantine is lifted?
hopefully to feel like I used this very strange time well.
Darren Criss 19:29:14
Ok I should probabl get outta here right?
Darren Criss 19:29:41
I've talked a lot about mighty as kong in other places
Darren Criss 19:30:00
so I'll just leave you with a story about "Let Your Hair Down"
Darren Criss 19:30:14
which was the very FIRST song we wrote for the show
Darren Criss 19:30:37
I had a meeting with an artist at a dive bar in the middle of the afternoon
Darren Criss 19:31:10
let's just say I showed up to that very first writer's session very late
Darren Criss 19:31:17
and sober ENOUGH
Darren Criss 19:31:41
wktusw4mcjn910r3eq91zg4k5
darren did you watch hamilton??????
duh last night. so fun.
Darren Criss 19:32:17
anyway I was so relieved that we left with that song at the end of the day. The intent was always to write two songs with the exact same concepts just with different titles
Darren Criss 19:32:50
the chords are the same, just slightly different voicings played on slightly different instruments
Darren Criss 19:33:29
and the idea was that whichever song was funnier, or at least whichever song would be more fun to see in a music video... would be the one that Pierce & Sara write
Darren Criss 19:34:08
"Kick Your Shoes Off" ended up feeling more like a full music video than "Let Your Hair Down" but I LOVE that first song, and hopefully people get to hear the whole thing on Spotify since you don't get to hear the whole song in the episode
Darren Criss 19:34:51
with lines I love like "see my cheekbones, show off my clavicle, I bet you've never seen a ponytail to magical..."
Darren Criss 19:35:39
emilybutcher30
i love that u spelled it sara not sarah
thank you. if you don't already know it, check out Ben Folds' "Zak and Sara"
Darren Criss 19:36:01
OK i gotta get going
Darren Criss 19:36:12
but thanks to everyone from all over the world for joining
Darren Criss 19:36:17
i see you and i say hi to you!
Darren Criss 19:36:23
happy birthday to all the bday kids!
Darren Criss 19:36:33
thank you for spending a little bit of your bday with me
Darren Criss 19:36:39
thanks for checking out Royalties
Darren Criss 19:36:46
hope you enjoy the music
Darren Criss 19:36:53
and hope there gets to be a season 2!!!
Darren Criss 19:37:08
xo to all of you. stay safe, stay inspired. - Darren
79 notes · View notes
wordxbeyondwords · 5 years
Text
#45
Dear Reivax, 
People have good days and bad days. There are days that start good and end good. And there are days that start bad and end up shitty. There are even some days that start out good but end up not so good. then you have days that start really shitty and not so nice...but end up with some, or even just a little good. and lastly, you have days that are stable- maybe even okay? Its just that day when everything is calm...at peace. this is what this week has taught me. It’s been one heck of a roller coaster full of ups and downs. 
I super honestly hated monday. I wanted to breakdown and just cry right then and there (but I knew I couldnt...+ I had no one to break down to). and you know what, it started out not so good...ended up being a little shitty. 
But then tuesday came and I was in such relief. Work was suspended (trails) and my home px didnt mind my absence (since I’d meet them on wednesday anyway). Tuesday was a breather. :) 
Wednesday was okay. Wednesday was stable. Saktong pagod and stress lang. It was actually good. yun din ung day na natapos ko na notes ko for reviewers ng inhouse. [puro hugot btw ahahha]
Thursday was a major roller coaster - It started out okay. through the day it became a little shitty... may mga conflicts and divisions. I made a mistake, mejo na-off si doc, nagkaroon ng misunderstanding...but then as the day ended- it became a good day. I got to talk to doc, the plan was all arranged and you know...i felt proud of the achievements we’ve done for my (our) individual px, given her feedback. 
So now today (friday), started pretty shitty. Nabangga yung grab na sinasakyan ko. nalate ako for home. Alam mo yung di ko na alam kung paano haharapin yung yaya niya kasi alam kong day off ng yaya niya and I had half the mind to just go back home. I felt selfish for a few minutes kanina. Mas malapit na kasi umuwi kesa pumunta sa patient ko. and mejo late na rin. So I thought, what if sunday nalang? but then I thought ayaw ko magwork sa sunday...kaya today nalang. I felt selfish because inuna ko yung convenience ko before actually thinking of the px. but the 2nd thought that came in was that I could not let this patient miss OT sessions kasi mawawala rin ako sa July 15-20 (may family trip kasi kami sa bacolod hehe may gusto ka ba sa bacolod paps? I’ll get it for you. sabihin mo lang kung ano :]). So ayun. but then I just decided to get  a taxi and apologize when I got there. To my surprise, di galit yung yaya- concerned pa nga siya actually huhuhu pero ya know, my heart felt comfort kasi she understood :) then ayun, nagpunta ako ust to report to maam pau about the interns. inaya ko si dayao kaso wala daw siya today. inask ko sila ben kaso dinner nalang daw. so inask ko nalang sila suma. tas ayun naglunch kami pero sinama ni duane si kamylle huhuh sadlyf. pero di naman sa affected parin ako...its more of uncomfortable parin kasi parang di ako makabanat or anything. mejo mehh. then ayun, pumasok ako for my 1 kid sa trails and it went okay. super happy ako sa metacog niya hahaha kinocomfort na niya sarili niya paps! nung gumupit siya ng robot, sabi niya “It’s not perfect but thats okay” heheh shaky parin voice niya pero naniniwala na siya doon- na its okay. hahah YAY! Then nagdinner na kasama sila ben ken and ira. Kinukumusta ka nila... I just said I havent heard from you yet pero you did make ups na. excited na nga si ben makita ka eh. sana daw makasama ka na ulit :) mejo badtrip yung waiting game before dinner tho. ang haba kasi ng pila sa wing bites TAPOS MAY SUMINGIT PA/DI NAGLINE UP PERO NAUNA PA SA ORDER. HAHAHAH so mejo triggeredt kami pero yun nga sabi ko ayaw ko mangaway and I just wanna have a peaceful dinner. hindi ko na kasalanan ko wala silang manners or courtesy. si ira tho beastmode na naman hahaha so sini-cbt namin ni ben. si ken tumatawa lang doon habang nagaask ng ana questions...lol. so ayun paps, it was a fair day i guess..its fairday (friday haha) Hhahahha corny ba? HHHAHAH pero ayun. 
I think biggest realization for the day is that sometimes, things look perfect-people look happy. pero beyond the smiles, you dont know what happened before or what they are going through and why there was a need to smile. you dont know what they had to go through to get to where they are now. Maybe there was shitty day that they needed comfort for. maybe there was a good day that they wanted to keep before facing reality tomorrow... nevertheless, a moment is just a moment. and when that moment passes it will be just a memory. and sometimes we’re gonna have to accept the bad moments and appreciate the good. sometimes we need to know the bad times para we know when its a good time. 
and sana, if you see people happy wondering why you arent- i hope you wont hate yourself for it..kasi maybe it was also hard for them to reach that happy moment and there was a time they were lost too. I still hope and pray that you’ll get your happy moment soon paps. I hope it will be much more than the not so happy ones. 
I really miss you, Paps. Sana makapagbonding and live kwentuhan na tayo soon. I wanna ask you about your week, what you’ve been up to, if you need help with your rotations/make ups or IEs. I wanna know if you’ve watched the movies I recommended or if you have movies to recommend? heheh maybe somewhere in the kwento, we can find purpose, meaning, and most importantly ourselves. :) 
#waiting for you paps. paramdam ka when its okay again. Oh  tas if manunuod ka ng saturn, balitaan mo me ha?  PS: narealize ko kung gaano kasabog reply ko sayo kahapon AHHAHAH jupiter pala yung sagot sa largest planet. kala ko kasi kinorrect mo ko na jupiter yung makikita sa July 9. HAHHAHA SORRY AH?  MISS YOU PAPS. INGAT KA. LOVE YOU.  -z.  07/05/2019
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swearronchanel · 7 years
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and my commentary continues: series 6, episode 2 (if this is now a thing idk what to title it)
You asked for it, my first class isn’t until noon tomorrow so I can sleep in & so, I complied Also the SAG awards finished at like 10pm so even after doing my night routine it’s still early haha here it goes …
- Oh shit I forgot color - ah I really like the new intro - Penny’s outfit is so cute - “Walk don’t run” stfu Sister Ursula this isn’t elementary school - “Have you lost your marbles bubsy” haha that’s cute - UGH I WANNA FIGHT THIS NUN - LET JULIENNE ARRANGE THE DAMN FLOWERS - This is when sister Ursula presses sister Monica Joan about the bon bons lol - “Unlike your sisters” guessing u don’t think u count - You’re damn right - Sister MJ sly af 😏 wish she was my grandma - Aw penny it’s ok sweetie all will be well - AlRight so where is St Cuthberts, is it closer than the London? Idk just wondering - I don’t care that much tbh - Damn this man gonna go blind how sad - I like knowing what happens when I’m watching bc I can’t take so much I get anxious - But are we not going to mention Patsy’s wig anymore? It’s still ugly, lucky emerald is beautiful anyway - - Ugh my bbys are still so hurt about the thalidomide 💔💔 - IT WAS NOT EITHER OF YOUR FAULTS - YES IT IS A MIRACLE PATRICK, YOU SHOULD’VE MENTIONED IT LAST WEEK but it’s all good - HE’S TOUCHING HER STOMACH AH - AND THEY KISSED Lmaoo I bet this will break Tumblr - UgH SUCH A SWEET MOMENT TO MELT MY COLD HEART - Jk this show has made me such an emotional mess, like I rarely ever used to cry or anything - But it could also be because of university diminishing my sanity - “We should really start telling people” - YEA PLS GIVE US A CUTE SCENE TELLING EVERYONE @ NONNATUS - - Buttt, I’m gonna guess it’s either going to be implied that they told them off screen or they won’t find out till she starts bleeding mid inspection ?? idk I’m just guessing, don’t come at me lmaoo - Patrick’s smirk “he’ll certainly understand” 😂😂 - SHELAGH’S CRINGING FACE I LOVE IT - YOU KNOW IM HERE FOR ALL CRINGEY EXPRESSIONS - Plus that’s my bby - - PHYLLIS SAW PATS AND DELIA - SHE KNOWS & IM GLAD IT WAS HER TO FIRST FIND OUT - - alright so let me be annoying real quick - From that clip from the casebook Valerie is problematic/lowkey racist & no estoy aquí para eso PERO I like her in the moment? - One, her outfit is cute - & B, she gets along well with my shelagh and seems nice.. I’m not gonna forget her comment though lol, so I’m going to stay neutral for now - - Ok the Marsh baby is born next - Lol sorry I love when sister Winifred is being cringey or funny but this was just kinda boring but I know it’ll get better later in the episode - BUT SERIOUSLY I WANNA KNOW SISTER WINIFRED’S REAL NAME - Idk why that was capitalized I don’t feel that strongly but I’m very curious !¡! - - Shelagh being all cute and cheeky giving those vaccinations - Penny is so sweet - - Alright this is so irrelevant but still, Shelagh is outside.. so Why would she throw up in a napkin in her hand? lol, all that open space 😭😂 idk I really hate throwing up and will not let my self throw up. Not even vlad can make me😷 - SHIT THAT EXPLOSION THO - what were they doing exactly? - like a bitch over here a lil confused :/ - MY LIL SUPERHERO SPRINGING TO ACTION YES BBY - shit George’s blind for good now it’s sad - and arthur’s gonna die damn - - look at disheveled Shelagh so damn pretty but I wonder when she got that cut lol - Lmaoo @ Valerie, so she knows the Nonnatuns - - Damn I’m only 17 mins in why do I talk so much shit to myself - Sister MJ sneaking that bread during sister Ursula’s prayer is me 😂 - I swear though if Sister Ursula tries to get rid of Sister MJ I will fight - My eyes roll every time this woman is on my screen - Phyllis chewing angrily is also me - “Travel visas there have been canceled” shit pats it’s too relevant right now - “I’m trifle deaf these days” PHYLLIS U ARE A GEM - Penny wins best dressed patient - - Patrick worrying is precious - SHELAGH TRYING TO HINT WHILE SMILING IS SO FUNNY BUT WHY - Lmao why are they acting like Tim is not literally right there? - Also this boy is 15 why is he not ever with friends - Of course he knew, he’s always around and isn’t dumb at all. He basically grew up around pregnant ladies tbh - “.. Good I don’t want to know any other details” lmao 😂 - I knew he’d be pleased but I lowkey wanted him not to upset or annoyed so he could have a good little story line - It’s not realistic that this 15 year old is so pleasant with his parents all the time - Like I was an angsty fright @ 15 - lol I’m acting like I’m old, I’m going to be 19 & I’m still like that^ with my parents a lot of the time - - Why do British people call bandaids “plasters”? Hm. I just think of plaster of Paris for like walls or whatever it’s used for - “I’m a slow healer” lol Shelagh is so precious - “If the baby’s a girl I’m moving out” I think it’ll be a boy. Actually Idk forget I said that - Don’t be nervous bby, speak up you got this - “That’s my girl” yes Patrick that’s our girl protect her at all freaking cost 😭 - I’ve gotten so far without saying “fuck” I’m proud - - “This is the dark before the dawn, but there is always a dawn” thanks sister I needed that - “I’ve committed a crime"😭😭 - I love sister MJ - also not gonna lie I cried a little the first time watching this - - Some mothers of color in the community centre makes me happy - Who’s the model though? 😏 - Someone find him & tag me - Ugh here comes sister “I ruin everything” - Honestly when is sister Julienne just gonna come out and say “you gotta go”? - No that’s not the way you do things - fuck yea sister J - “We must simply sit it out and wait for Churchill” - I HOPE THATS TRIXIE - BUT also I really want Sister Julienne to be the one who saves the day - Lol yea Babs your wardrobe should step it up but it’s okay - - Shelagh don’t be nervous you’re gonna kill it - Does sister Ursula even do anything? She doesn’t see patients does she? Nah she just makes everyone angry - Get up outta here - Lol I’m so Brooklyn for that - “Mrs Turner you look nice” - UM YES, MY BBY, her new dresses & coats slay - She finally took a break from the damn cardigans & I love it. Not that there’s anything wrong with cardigans but you catch my drift - Nah for real I wanted a fabulous wardrobe for Shelagh bc times are changing & Laura Main is literally gorgeous so she needs pretty outfits & got it I did - so here for it, now we wait for another pair of trousers. lets get it 1962 - this first dress had such jackie kennedy vibes, love it - - “Consequences be DAMMED” YES PATS - Phyllis and Sister J are proud, I really want one of them to press Sister Ursula - Look @ Delia actually being a nurse! - ah penny 💔 - - Shelagh’s so nervous at first but then is like YOU KNOW WHAT ASSHAT JUDGE - “Where is nurse Mount?” , “where she is needed” YES SISTER JULIENNE - love the blue coat Shelagh - “I’m not ill, I’m just tired and angry” same - Don’t cry bby - “Our best is worthless bc it won’t change anything” ugh crush my heart, especially that little hug. I need to hug them all - lol who invited Tom to the hospital - he’s so handsome though so it’s ok - TELL THEM, STAND UP - “We need to fight” yes ! - I was worried penny’s baby wouldn’t live - C'mon Pats be pc - okay patsy opening up, crushes my heart she’s so closed off but I feel - Here comes the wicked bitch of the east [end] - Whoops can I call a fictitious nun a bitch - YES PATS YES DONT TAKE HER SHIT - Aw patsy, you two will okay, I mean look sister Bernadette came back as Shelagh because of letters so you never know - - Shelagh’s baby blue outfit >> - she needs to go out in public more with her hair down and slay everyone’s life - “Not today.” Yes Delia - “You did it Mrs Turner, you made em listen!” - Yes tf she did. I’m so proud - the set makeup artist did a crazy good job with the burns - “We never really out grow our parents, we just think we do” aw I should call my mum and dad - mm maybe later it’s midnight lmao - DELIA SAID I LOVE U - I FEEL LIKE NO IMPORTANT COUPLE on here HAS SAID “I LOVE YOU” to each other ?? - They almost kissed aw - Fred just break the door damn - Reminds me a little of when Jenny left - Aw the Marsh fam - Phyllis you are gold - Phyllis is still learning Spanish, please give her an opportunity to use it! - the only Spanish speaking mother was conchita, wasn’t that the first episode ever? lets get another one - Anyway, this was so sad. - “The pain it costs to love..” PHYLLIS I LOVE You. You deserve everything good - Aw all the other mothers with penny! - Alright Lets hear it Vanessa - Aw Delia Bonus: preview for next week - my other bby Trixie is back !! - hope she loses her shit when she realizes sister Ursula is ruining everything + patsy/sister mary cynthia are gone - My bby Shelagh looks so pretty!💕 - BUT I KNOW NO ONE IS SHUTTING DOWN ANYTHING - I will not have it - Phyllis spilling the ever so obvious and boiling tea, sister Ursula is UNFIT - Pls let Sister Julienne say something crazy to her before she goes - Why is babs crying?? - ugh of course that’s the most of a preview we get - Nothing bad will happen to my bbys I won’t have it. Protect them at all costs or I’ll spontaneously combust - Jk but I might flip my shit or throw my laptop - But for real for Shelagh to miscarry 3 episodes in would be a waste of a storyline - Plus it is a drama, we’ll be shook for a while, then we’ll cry, we’ll laugh & then Vanessa Redgrave says something profound and we go on with the week - The End 🙃🙃 - If you read this far, you’re a champ - I did this for u all
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morningpages-louise · 6 years
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July 20, 2018
Magandang magandang umaga mga kaibigan!! Hehe netsim memories. quite glad that is over pero i have another simulation this coming monday, hopefully it will be moved oy :(( my group and i havent even practiced yet.. i havent even prepared my audio lol gg my friends so yeah anyways good morning! it is july 20 and from what you can see, im in quite a good mood hehe well i dont know im excited for the weekend eh. today is walang pasok. kind of a bummer as i had quite a few things to do in school today. for one, my concept report which has been moved back way too many times, and i was also going to record my audio for my drama netsim afterwards. i also had quite a few meetups huhu i need the moolah girl and finally i was gonna practice pero since there's no school nanaman, why not just enjoy it noh? enjoy the mf weekend huhu i cant believe next week is the last week of july. wtf. how fast is this year going by! next thing you know it's gonna be my birthday and then the holidays. I AM HELLA excited for the holidays but no this year makes me sentimental. what a year it has been. i love it. im branching out, learning to be independent. lots of big changes. new friends, im single lol, new condo and the changes that will be happening next are well im gonna get my braces out ( FINA FUCKING LY) yes hehe but yeah it makes me sentimental uy also this term is ending like lets relish in the moment and live every second shall we? you know what this is what im talking about talaga when it comes to my mood. like im so happy and giddy at the moment but yesterday i was literally feeling like shit. ugh what is this. maybe im bipolar or something. grabeh i dont think so naman pero wow what a sucky feeling noh? huhu what else is in my mind aside from the work i have to do (VPRODUC reflection paper, Philippine Primer requirements) oh i guess that's it. Not a lot naman. And i will follow up on the lasallian stuff huhu it seems like its not moving which means ill eventually have to change my writing story din :( sadness. so yeah this is just me and my life hehe im happy and im so glad there's no school so i can follow through on my morning routine you know. it's always a joy to go through your morning routine without feeling the need to hurry up and all that stuff. enjoying slow mornings (well not really slow) i also have an appreciation for my condo uy. last night i literally took 2 hours just to put my polaroid photos up pero honestly, id do anything to make this space feel more like home <3 i love it here. i love the fact that we have a television. although i dont use it as often as i like kasi busy eh, im glad to know it's there. im also happy that we have a divider. it makes things feel legit lol, it makes it feel more like a condo. hmmm perhaps i should share my thoughts yesterday. i watched several short films kasi for my video production class and i noticed that a lot of the features, documentaries, experimentals and music videos tackled quite dark themes. depression, death, political issues, not wanting to live in this reality, battling authority. basta i think there was only one hopeful film which was the one about the inmates and their rehabilitation through art. it got me thinking, are the kids really alright? you know that saying kasi "the kids are alright" no i dont think they are. why is this generation like this? we live in an age where its so easy to connect with people (with the internet and all that) but in reality, no one is connecting. we end up closing ourselves. keeping to ourselves. ignorig other people. "the bystander effect" as i have learned in my anthropology class. How true. And how sad. its a topic i consistently go back to because its something i really wonder about you know. but im also curious to know, is it just a part of growing up? this angsty phase? maybe all kids were like this when they were at this age? but i think regardless, its something interesting to look further into. why are we all so disconnected, unsatisfied and unhappy with our lives? it always brings me back to addy's caption. wait lang ha im gonna look for it: "Shame when you inwardly keep pitying yourself for not having enough and then you actually got the world right under your feet" god can i just say i love addy. i do believe she is a beautiful soul. i actually miss her a lot. pero yeah ACCURACY LEVEL IS ON POINT. i always repeat that to myself uy. god we're all so caught up in illusions and fake dichotomies (Char big word) curated by society and institutions. life is simple. why do humans make it so damn complicated? anyways thats my brain dump for tonight hehe im 879 words and counting na so imma leave for now, good bye i love you!! i am happy because i am accomplishing a lot of my morning routine and it is only 11 YEAH
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Since I am kind of bored right now, let me just share to you what has been going on in my mind lately. I made this blog to express my feelings out baka sumabog ako pag hindi ko nailabas e. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t have someone to talk to about my kaemehan in life, it’s just that I’m not really into sharing my problems to people. I don’t want to bother them anyway. Hihi
You(reading this) may know me personally, have met me once, saw me from afar or I might be a stranger to you tapos nagawi ka lang sa account ko. Lolz. You guys prolly know that I am not physically normal. I have scoliosis. Scoliosis is the curvature of the spine. I have this since I was born. (If you have scoliosis and you really wanted your spine to straighten you have to undergo for a surgery, IF your case isn’t severe yet. I mean yes you can wear brace to prevent the scoliosis curve from progressing but it doesn’t really straighten your spine one hundred percent.) I am not gonna go into details anymore. I wasn’t aware about scoliosis until I reached 18. I never did some research about it when I was younger. I have learned so much that I wished I knew about it earlier when my case isn’t severe yet nasa huli pa rin talaga ang pagsisisi never talaga sya nauna. That’s when I found out that severe curvature of the spine might compress your heart and lungs. That made me worry cause I know in my situation I have severe case as well. Months ago, I had trouble breathing. It was very unusual. I had myself checked. I had xray. I was actually thinking that time that I dont wanna see the xray result for I might be depressed even more but I got curious so I still did. I went to Philippine General Hospital cause I badly need to get checked by specialists of the spine. I had several laboratory tests. Hindi ko nalang ilalagay dito kung gaano kahirap yung araw araw na pagpunta. We exerted too much time and effort annnnd of course money. Hindi naman porket charity eh hindi ka pa rin gagastos. Maglalabas ka pa rin talaga ng pera pero kahit papano nakakatipid. Most of the doctors told me that I should’ve done my check up when I was younger which means in my case it’s too late already. Matigas na daw kasi yung buto. I could even see the doctors facial expression everytime they check my laboratory tests. Hay kahit naman ako mapapailing ako e. But what can I do? 🙁 We’ve been going there for months already magiging doctor na ko kakabalik ko doon. Lol
Last week I went back to ortho for update. And then the one who checked me up wasn’t the doctor who handled me last time. She explained me everything, what are the possibilities and how risky it is if I undergo for a surgery. I might not be able to walk again. Though they’re not hundred percent sure but the risk in my case is quite high. Parang hindi ko matanggap sa isip ko pa lang na hindi ako makakalakad if ever. Ang sakit isipin. And if I undergo for a surgery my heart and lungs should be stable because I might lose my life if somethings wrong with those two. Hays when reality hits me.
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And that she said that they might not do the surgery for me. Parang hindi ko magawang ipasok sa utak ko yung mga sinasabi ng doctor saken. I was feeling dazed while I was getting outside of the room. Too much why’s in my head. What if’s thought came in. I.just.dont.know.anymore. What if I won’t be able to walk again. What if.. What if... What if... Mamamatay na ba ko? Yes, ganon ako kalala mag overthink.. Hindi mo rin talaga maiiwasan makaisip ng mga ganon eh.
Should I take the risk? What would happen if I won’t? Lord tabang! Hindi ko alam kung ano pipiliin ko, kung san ako mas mapapabuti. Ano ba ang dapat gawin. Is it really too late for me? Wala na po bang ibang paraan?
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There were times that I find myself crying. Ang dami ko pang gustong gawin. Sobra. Nakakaiyak. I talk to God every night. Asking for his guidance. I honestly prayed that I hope he would still give me the chance to live, to reach my dreams, go to my dream destination and still be with people I love. Tsaka hindi ko pa nga nahahanap yung forever ko eh. Lolz. But despite of everything I’m still trying to be positive I have to, blessed enough that my parents may not be with my side but I still have people with me that truly loves and cares for me. 😊
Proverbs 3:5-6
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