#anyway its another weekend of lethzrgy that happened where none of the Things of Doom i promised to clear just a little bit got any progress

[mikkouille]

battle of 'i know everything my brain conjures late should not be trusted' Vs 'ok but also we have the face the fact that the cycle of exhaustion n anxieties now is keeping us insomniac and that the causes of that all are very easily identifiable' well in short I'm not having a good time

#there were many factors that made prev week in particular just. mh. #but i honest to god dont think ive reached a low quite this one before as in what. #whatever #i cant word it out #n then its silly also but im like cant rly #ugh its ckxkdjsj #dont want to worry dont want to burden its not like #its smth i can sorta win against thru Help rly n so to worry others is pointless in a way #cuz i know how i am but at the same time im wondering if im not already breeching that n causing worry #i kept wondering on thursday n friday sometimes cuz i was bordering panic the whole days n sometimes i just had those #uuuuu conjested breaths sudden remembering of it #n catching out of the corner of ur eye someone there glancing ur side #n its like dont mind i swear i was clearing my throat haha dont mind #im kind of... well its nearly the end anyway carry on pump out whats left in ya etc etc #but how much do i have left tho #thats worrying cuz whenever i go to bed n am kept awake for hours by terrors n shit. tremours and suffocation in here #n all those have a source they have interfaces even bruh its so... #well its kinda... #idk... #anyway its another weekend of lethzrgy that happened where none of the Things of Doom i promised to clear just a little bit got any progress #n now im seeing it looming there... #but its like. ultimatum. kinda. throwing it out cuz i feel if i dont write it out n throw it out im not going to be able to sleep #ya kno rip the bandaid open the gates n cry a phat load to exhaust yourself unconscious kinda stuff #cuz ill take the early train tomorrow so i need to sleep now #i need to sleep two hours ago but ive been laying there #feels like a defeat to grab the ohone n all but its like u have to lose some battles sometimes etc #yield some things to save most whatever #uhh hate this #its just so much...idk. so much everything. guilt above it all. its what hurts the most maybe. #well